David Burrows's Blog, page 2

How to Lose a Contact Lens in Style

Some years ago I ice-climbed as a hobby, with my friend, Andy. One time we climbed Ben Nevis. One side of the mountain is a reasonably easy ramble, however the other side has a number of quite difficult rock and ice-climbs. We were on Tower Gully.We both had crampons and an ice ax each. No ropes as it was a grade 1/2 and the main difficulty was the cornice, an overhang of ice, at the top, which we would have to dig through. 

I initially found the climb easy and exhilarating. That soon stopped.

I think we are all afraid of heights as I soon discovered. My friend was above and he hit a patch of water ice. That is ice that is very hard and it shatters when you hit it with an ax. He called down and suggested we retreat and then move across sideways and try and go around the water ice.

I looked between my legs as I descended and that was terrifying. The climb is two thousand feet and looking down was horrible. Talk about disco knee. We descended and then went sideways and resumed the climb. We could hear cracks as somewhere on the mountain ice and/or snow fell. I wouldn't say avalanche as that would be too dramatic, but it was unnerving, nevertheless.

At some point a flake of ice or snow landed in my eye. I blinked and out popped my hard contact lens. Andy asked why I had stopped and I said I had lost my lens. Exasperated he said to carry on. Amazingly I saw the lens. It had frozen to the surface in front of me. Putting my arm through the loop of my ax I managed to reinsert my lens. 

We eventually got to the cornice. There was a ledge beneath it and I sat on that whilst Andy used my ax to hang on and his to dig through the overhang. Sitting on the ledge was horrible.The view was amazing but I was conscious of the weight of ice above me and the frop below. It was too easy for the ice to give way. Andy was also in danger as a cornice could collapse and carry him away. With my ax!

He succeeded and together we gained the summit. One hell of an experience and very exciting.

Anyone else lost and recovered a lens in bizarre circumstances? The photo is of me and Andy on top of a Munro. Not sure which though but clearly a white-out. Camera on timer given there were just the two of us.

A Secret Metal Detector Find Finally Exposed

 

“Why are you crying, Guthrum?” Alfrec asked.

Guthrum was a picture of misery, sitting amongst the hedgerow, his knees to his chest. His threadbare tunic damp from his tears.

“Dad is going to kill me,” Guthrum snivelled, wiping his nose with his sleeve.

“I won’t let him,” Alfrec replied and Guthrum choked on a half-sob, half-laugh.

“You are two years younger than me. If Dad beats me half to death how can you help?”

Alfrec looked down, his well-meant intent shining in his eyes. Guthrum regretted his reply and said, “You are brave to offer, but I have to face him myself.”

“What have you done?” Alfrec asked, sitting alongside his brother. The day was warm and the sky clear. It was almost pleasant sitting in the dappled shade.

“He gave me a penny to buy a chicken, but I lost the penny.”

“Where did you lose it?” Alfrec asked.

Guthrum snorted. “If I knew that I wouldn’t be sitting here.” Alfrec cast Guthrum a glance that suggested the reply was unhelpful.

“I had it in my pouch,” Guthrum said. “I stopped when I saw a hare and took out my sling, but the time I had my sling ready the hare had gone.”

“Empty your pouch and let’s check,” Alfrec offered.

Guthrum upended his pouch and his worldly belonging spilled out onto the damp grass.

“What’s that,” Alfrec asked pointing at one object.

“That’s a bat’s wing,” Guthrum said picking it up. “It brings me luck.”

“Well I would get rid of that. It clearly hasn’t helped.” Alfrec said. “No sign of the coin then. Can we steal a chicken?” he suggested hopefully.

“What and have my hand cut off? No thanks. There’s nothing for it, but to face Dad and take a beating as well as I can.”

Alfrec looked down, “You are braver than me. I’d run away before facing him.”

The two boys sat in silence, neither wanting to hurry toward the dreaded encounter.

 

Jack grinned. “Bloody hell,” he said with a whoop. His detector had given him a faint signal and now a glimmer of silver stood out in stark contrast with the black loamy soil. His fingers scratched at the dirt revealing more of the object.

“What u got,” Kev asked, coming over and laying his own detector down before removing his headphones.

“A hammered, I think.”

“Bloody hell, is right,” Kev said reaching out to take the object which now sat in Jack’s hand. “That’s a Saxon penny.”

Jack stood and promptly started his hammie-dance. “Oh yes! Oh yes!” he chortled as he circled round his friend.

Kev grinned, “Great find, mate. This’ll be find of the month.” Neither men gave a thought to the lad who had lost it and the beating he took from his irate father ad if Guthrum had been alive to see Jack’s hammie-dance, he would have groaned to see such peculiar cavorting by a grown man.

100 Book Giveaway. Your Chance to Win an e-Book Copy of the Complete Prophecy of the Kings Trilogy

 

.goodreadsGiveawayWidget { color: #555; font-family: georgia, serif; font-weight: normal; text-align: left; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; background: white; } .goodreadsGiveawayWidget p { margin: 0 0 .5em !important; padding: 0; } .goodreadsGiveawayWidgetEnterLink { display: inline-block; color: #181818; background-color: #F6F6EE; border: 1px solid #9D8A78; border-radius: 3px; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; outline: none; font-size: 13px; padding: 8px 12px; } .goodreadsGiveawayWidgetEnterLink:hover { color: #181818; background-color: #F7F2ED; border: 1px solid #AFAFAF; text-decoration: none; } Goodreads Book Giveaway Prophecy of the Kings by David Burrows

Giveaway ends November 01, 2020.

See the giveaway details at Goodreads.

Enter Giveaway Click the above link to win an e-book copy of the Prophecy of the Kings. This offer is for the full trilogy comprising; Legacy of the Edric, Dragon Rider and Shadow of the Demon. Vastra, a self-professed sorcerer, a braggart, and a liar, seeks an Eldric talisman. His motives are his own, but his knowledge of the Eldric, an ancient race which mysteriously vanished from the land eons ago, hooks Kaplyn and persuades him to accompany the sour sorcerer. They are joined by Lars, shipwrecked and friendless, an outcast on the Allund shore. Their journey takes them to a mysterious tower, set with traps and reveals tantalising clues to the Eldric’s disappearance. As they travel, ever present, is the threat of a demon attack. People are very superstitious and garlands and trinkets ward against a possible threat, but the people are largely ignorant of their own history. Kaplyn learns from a reluctant Vastra that the demon threat is far more real than envisaged. Their quest to find the Eldric becomes both sinister and urgent. 

Game for a Laugh :)

 In these grim times, check out my Fantasy Jokes Blog. https://davidsfantasyjokes.blogspot.com/ It is easy to make up a joke, so feel free and send me one. For example, replace elephant for a troll in elephant jokes. Bring a smile to our faces.

One of my favourite:

Paddy the orc takes his mates back to see his new flat, and after a few more beers one of the lads asks him whats the big brass gong hanging on the wall,
Paddy says, "Its my speaking clock" !
"How does it work?" his mate asks.
"I'll show you", and Paddy hits it full pelt with a claw hammer,
A deep troll-voice from next door yells"For fucks sake you orc-git, its twenty to three in the morning!!

Best wishes

David

Writing a Book: Author Website, SEO and Keywords

I may have made a mistake. I recently paid for an SEO tool and to be honest, I am not sure it was a wise investment. Only when I spent time and effort on Keywords did I realise that I had a problem. Not one of my pages was showing up in Google Ranking, despite finding some promising keywords with low competition. I spoke to the staff of the SEO tool and asked whether it was their tool that was at fault and apparently the Google Ranking is nothing to do with them. So what went wrong and why do I feel that I has spent money unwisely?

Keywords are difficult and in Google Webmaster Tools I investigated many keywords and combinations of words and what they might score in terms of (a) the number of people searching for these keywords and (b) the competition. These are the essential parameters for finding optimised keywords.

Ideally you want a keyword that gets lots of people searching for it and also has low competition i.e. few websites containing these keywords. If the competition is high e.g. searching for FANTASY then there are large numbers of websites with that keyword. The optimum site using this keyword has it (1) in the web address (2) the page title (3) in the Meta Tag (4) in the first Heading (5) in subsequent headings. The key difficulty is in the web address and unless your website has YYYfantasy.com then it is unlikely to be found.

Searching for longer keywords such as High Fantasy narrows the search but on Google Webmaster High Fantasy has very low searches per month although the competition is lower. The problem is also knowing what people are searching for. A search for Recommended Books gets well over 1000 searches a month but again the competition is very high. Recommended Fantasy Books is a surprisingly low search rate. I have checked many combinations of keywords and many have a very low search rate. Many were 100 a month. They are simply not worth using although the conversion rate (i.e. the length of time people spend on your site is improved).

Sensibly, I searched what other authors use as keywords and guess what I found. Of the 10-11 author websites I looked at - there were absolutely no keywords. A lot of sites (the majority) used the authors name as the webpage address (mine is davidburrows.org.uk as an example) so unless you knew the author's name it was difficult to locate the web page. - in other words, other authors had hit the same problem I had.

I shall keep you informed if I make any progress to counter this view but authors are clearly finding other ways of getting their web pages found. For the likes of George RR Martin, this is easy as his books and his name are well known. For less well known authors it is having other websites point to their web page which is the key to getting traffic. Ideally a well known corporation (e.g. the BBC) discussing your book and linking to your website is a vast improvement. I have several good Book Review sites inking to my website and this has certainly helped my traffic.

So, as far as spending money on SEO and keywords, I would advise against this. If you have a different experience then let me know.

David

Wonderful and Heartfelt Review

M.L Ruscsak 5.0 out of 5 stars Fantastic Read from start to finishJanuary 27, 2018
Format: PaperbackI received this book via the Author's Den for an honest review. Entering with an open mind and a full day to read. Yes an entire 8 hours devoted to reading.I was not disappointed in the world that was created nor the author's style of writing. Five out of Five stars.
From the very first sentence of page one it grabs you. The attention to detail is amazing and the reader can immerse themselves into the world that is being created. Just the right amount of death, Magic intrigue.
Absolutely perfect from start to finish.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/customer-reviews/R7MOJP4E9VQE/ref=cm_cr_arp_d_rvw_ttl?ie=UTF8&ASIN=B006672PRW

Losing weight. What a con.

Been exercising all my life but have been putting weight on recently having switched from jogging too gym. I was told going to the gym doesn't lose you weight as it converts fat to muscle. Not sure how true that is but my experience is not good. I topped my heaviest yet despite twice a week at the gym including swimming. I spend 20 minutes on the cross trainer, then go on a circuit around the exercise room, followed by a 15 minute swim. Having put weight on I decided to try harder at the gym and to swim further. The next day I had added 2 lbs. Shocking.

I have now given up with the cross trainer and started running on the treadmill. Not sure if this will help. Perhaps getting heavier is an age thing or perhaps I have swallowed a micro black-hole. In any event, keep trying. Porky.

Anyone else struggling? Any tips?

Free Book for Christmas

Download Drachar's Demons. A fantasy novel that has received some great reviews. It is FREE in many formats. Visit https://www.smashwords.com/drachar'sdemons


Read reviews here - http://davidburrows.org.uk/dracharsdemons.html

Remember it is FREE to download and would make a great Christmas gift.

Drachar's Demons - Free ebook on Nook, Kindle, itunes or Kobo

Download Drachar's Demons FREE and read believable fantasy by David and Andrew Burrows. A great tale that will hold you spellbound to the very last page. Download either Nook (Barnes Noble), i tunes, Kindle (Smashwords) or in Kobo format. (Tell Amazon it is free on these sites and Amazon may make their Kindle edition free.)

Click below for your free download

Nook
Itunes
Kobo
Smashwords


Drachar is a ruthless and ambitious sorcerer who will stop at nothing to wreak revenge against those who betrayed him. From a lowly, although arrogant Eldric lord to commander of the most deadly army the land has ever seen, he pitches relentless hordes of powerful soul devouring demons against his own people, the Eldric.

Fierce battle is to commence and all in its path must fight or risk their soul being sent screaming from their twitching corpses. Madness tears at Drachar, a constant reminder of what should happen if he fails in his bloody pact; delivering one hundred thousand souls to the demons in exchange for the greatest of power. The Eldric must learn to summon demons of their own to stand any chance against Drachar’s deadly arsenal of krell, demons and grakyn.

Magic and swords clash together in a war of such catastrophic proportions that the world will be forever stricken. Join Drachar the outcast as he rises to omnipotence. The die are cast and events are set in motion that look set to destroy the world. 

The race is on for war threatens; a war like no other for sorcerer will battle sorcerer and demon set against demon.

Russian Orc Joke

Heard about the Orc with a bad cold...

He's called Ivor Chestycov