Michael Robert Dyet's Blog, page 41

Random Act of Metaphor: Wind Storm

Hmmm, was Friday’s wind storm a wakeup call?

If you live in the GTA as I do, you experienced the wind storm late yesterday afternoon and evening. If you live elsewhere, let me explain that this was the kind of wind that uproots trees, rips shingles off roofs, drives horizontal rain and rips down electrical wires.

For those of you with a scientific bent, wind gusts here hit 110 kilometres per hour. Let us put that into perspective. The Beaufort Wind Force Scale is a measure that relates wind speed to observed conditions at sea. The scale extends from 1 to 12.

On the Beaufort Scale, 110 kilometres per hour is midway between 10 - Whole Gale which translates to very high waves with overhanding crests and 11 - Violent Storm which translates to exceptionally high waves in which small and medium sized ships might be for a long time lost to view behind the waves. It is only one step below category 12 - Hurricane Force.

It occurs to me that the wind storm we experienced yesterday could be interpreted as Mother Nature telling us that she is royally pissed. We have not taken particularly good care of the planet with which we have been entrusted. We are paying the price for excessive greenhouse gas emissions and denuded forests among other problems.

We are starting to become acclimatized (pardon the pun) to extreme weather events. Perhaps we should not be so complacent. Yesterday’s violent wind storm may just have been a random act of metaphor by to warn us that we are teetering on the edge of disaster.

Mother Nature can be a benevolent and endearing friend. But she can also be a powerful and violent enemy when she feels threatened. We would do well to stay on her good side.

~ Now Available Online from Amazon, Chapters Indigo or Barnes & Noble: Hunting Muskie, Rites of Passage – Stories by Michael Robert Dyet

~ Michael Robert Dyet is the author of Until the Deep Water Stills – An Internet-enhanced Novel which was a double winner in the Reader Views Literary Awards 2009. Visit Michael’s website at www.mdyetmetaphor.com or the novel online companion at www.mdyetmetaphor.com/blog.

~ Subscribe to Michael’s Metaphors of Life Journal aka Things That Make Me Go Hmmm at its’ internet home www.mdyetmetaphor.com/blog2. Instructions for subscribing are provided in the Subscribe to this Blog: How To instructions page in the right sidebar. If you’re reading this post on another social networking site, come back regularly to my page for postings once a week.

Random Act of Metaphor: Wind Storm

Hmmm, was Friday’s wind storm a wakeup call?

If you live in the GTA as I do, you experienced the wind storm late yesterday afternoon and evening. If you live elsewhere, let me explain that this was the kind of wind that uproots trees, rips shingles off roofs, drives horizontal rain and rips down electrical wires.

For those of you with a scientific bent, wind gusts here hit 110 kilometres per hour. Let us put that into perspective. The Beaufort Wind Force Scale is a measure that relates wind speed to observed conditions at sea. The scale extends from 1 to 12.

On the Beaufort Scale, 110 kilometres per hour is midway between 10 – Whole Gale which translates to very high waves with overhanding crests and 11 – Violent Storm which translates to exceptionally high waves in which small and medium sized ships might be for a long time lost to view behind the waves. It is only one step below category 12 – Hurricane Force.

It occurs to me that the wind storm we experienced yesterday could be interpreted as Mother Nature telling us that she is royally pissed. We have not taken particularly good care of the planet with which we have been entrusted. We are paying the price for excessive greenhouse gas emissions and denuded forests among other problems.

We are starting to become acclimatized (pardon the pun) to extreme weather events. Perhaps we should not be so complacent. Yesterday’s violent wind storm may just have been a random act of metaphor by to warn us that we are teetering on the edge of disaster.

Mother Nature can be a benevolent and endearing friend. But she can also be a powerful and violent enemy when she feels threatened. We would do well to stay on her good side.

~  Now Available Online from Amazon, Chapters Indigo or Barnes & Noble: Hunting Muskie, Rites of Passage – Stories by Michael Robert Dyet

~ Michael Robert Dyet is the author of Until the Deep Water Stills – An Internet-enhanced Novel which was a double winner in the Reader Views Literary Awards 2009. Visit Michael’s website at www.mdyetmetaphor.com or the novel online companion at www.mdyetmetaphor.com/blog .

~ Subscribe to Michael’s Metaphors of Life Journal aka Things That Make Me Go Hmmm at its’ internet home www.mdyetmetaphor.com/blog2 . Instructions for subscribing are provided in the Subscribe to this Blog: How To instructions page in the right sidebar. If you’re reading this post on another social networking site, come back regularly to my page for postings once a week.

Metaphors of Life Journal: Birds of a Feather in My Annual Rite of Spring

Hmmm, will you indulge me as I visualize my annual Pickering shoreline tour?

It pains me to concede that we are approaching the end of April and my spring birdwatching has not gotten out of the starting gate for various reasons beyond my control. Photos posted on Facebook, of migrants passing through the area, has been like salt in the wound.

Come hell or high water, I will set out this weekend for my first full day in the field. The itinerary for the day is etched in my brain.

I will breathe a deep sigh of contentment as I step out of my car in the parking lot of Petticoat Creek Conservation Area. The high-pitched see-see-see chatter of hyperactive Golden-Crowned Kinglets and springs-here! mating call of Black-capped Chickadees will greet me.

I will head straight for the valley and veer left onto the half-hidden trail that shadows the creek. It is a sure bet that industrious Brown Creepers will be spiraling up tree trunks. Odds are good that the wheezy, bubbly call of a Blue-Gray Gnatcatcher will add itself to the mix.

If luck prevails, the churr churr churr of a Red-Bellied Woodpecker will catch my ear and I will locate this handsome species in the trees on the ridge. Fighting through the brambles to reach the return trail may just pay off with a glimpse at a Rufous-sided Towhee in the brush.

Back on the road I will follow the shoreline and make a stop of Frenchman’s Bay. A scan of the bay should turn up a raft of or two of ducks including Buffleheads, Ring-necked Ducks and a few Scaup – a sneak preview of the bevy of waterfowl awaiting me later in the day..

Next stop is Hydro Park – not always a hotspot but still a stop I would not miss. The nasal ank-ank-ank of a White-breasted Nuthatch will greet me in the small woodlot. Perhaps the first Yellow-rumped Warbler of my spring will turn up there. I might even luck into a late Tundra Swan hanging out in the marsh.

Duffin’s Creek is next on the itinerary. I will head straight for them back pond where a cornucopia of waterfowl awaits: Mallards, Buffleheads, Ring-necks, Mergansers (all three), Northern Shovelors, Gadwalls, a Wigeon or two –dare I hope for a Eurasian?, Pie-billed Grebes and even gaudily clad Wood Ducks tucked in by the ban..

Before I move on, I will take the trail through the overgrown field and no doubt turn up a tail-wagging Hermit Thrush. Perhaps the musical trill of an early Pine Warbler will drift done from high overhead.

Last stop for the day is a right turn down Halls Road to the look-up points on Cranberry Marsh. It never fails to fatten up my waterfowl day list with Blue-winged Teals, Trumpeter Swans, Great Blue Herons, head-bobbing Coots and, if my run of luck holds, a few Ruddy Ducks.

I have done this excursion countless times but never tire of it. It starts the timer on the influx of migrants that will surge through in waves in the glorious month of May. Birds of a feather takes on new meaning when I indulge myself in this annual rite of spring that feeds my soul after riding out an especially long and stubborn winter.

~ Now Available Online from Amazon, Chapters Indigo or Barnes & Noble: Hunting Muskie, Rites of Passage – Stories by Michael Robert Dyet

~ Michael Robert Dyet is the author of Until the Deep Water Stills – An Internet-enhanced Novel which was a double winner in the Reader Views Literary Awards 2009. Visit Michael’s website at www.mdyetmetaphor.com or the novel online companion at www.mdyetmetaphor.com/blog.

~ Subscribe to Michael’s Metaphors of Life Journal aka Things That Make Me Go Hmmm at its’ internet home www.mdyetmetaphor.com/blog2. Instructions for subscribing are provided in the Subscribe to this Blog: How To instructions page in the right sidebar. If you’re reading this post on another social networking site, come back regularly to my page for postings once a week.

Birds of a Feather in My Annual Rite of Spring

Hmmm, will you indulge me as I visualize my annual Pickering shoreline tour?

It pains me to concede that we are approaching the end of April and my spring birdwatching has not gotten out of the starting gate for various reasons beyond my control. Photos posted on Facebook, of migrants passing through the area, has been like salt in the wound.

Come hell or high water, I will set out this weekend for my first full day in the field. The itinerary for the day is etched in my brain. (All photos courtesy of Google Images.)

I will breathe a deep sigh of contentment as I step out of my car in the parking lot of Petticoat Creek Conservation Area. The high-pitched see-see-see chatter of hyperactive Golden-Crowned Kinglets and springs-here! mating call of Black-capped Chickadees will greet me.

I will head straight for the valley and veer left onto the half-hidden trail that shadows the creek. It is a sure bet that industrious Brown Creepers will be spiraling up tree trunks. Odds are good that the wheezy, bubbly call of a Blue-Gray Gnatcatcher will add itself to the mix.

If luck prevails, the churr churr churr of a Red-Bellied Woodpecker will catch my ear and I will locate this handsome species in the trees on the ridge. Fighting through the brambles to reach the return trail may just pay off with a glimpse at a Rufous-sided Towhee in the brush.

Back on the road I will follow the shoreline and make a stop of Frenchman’s Bay. A scan of the bay should turn up a raft of or two of ducks including Buffleheads, Ring-necked Ducks and a few Scaup – a sneak preview of the bevy of waterfowl awaiting me later in the day..

Next stop is Hydro Park – not always a hotspot but still a stop I would not miss. The nasal ank-ank-ank of a White-breasted Nuthatch will greet me in the small woodlot. Perhaps the first Yellow-rumped Warbler of my spring will turn up there. I might even luck into a late Tundra Swan hanging out in the marsh.

Duffin’s Creek is next on the itinerary. I will head straight for them back pond where a cornucopia of waterfowl awaits: Mallards, Buffleheads, Ring-necks, Mergansers (all three), Northern Shovelors, Gadwalls, a Wigeon or two –dare I hope for a Eurasian?, Pie-billed Grebes and even gaudily clad Wood Ducks tucked in by the ban..

Before I move on, I will take the trail through the overgrown field and no doubt turn up a tail-wagging Hermit Thrush. Perhaps the musical trill of an early Pine Warbler will drift done from high overhead.

Last stop for the day is a right turn down Halls Road to the look-up points on Cranberry Marsh. It never fails to fatten up my waterfowl day list with Blue-winged Teals, Trumpeter Swans, Great Blue Herons, head-bobbing Coots and, if my run of luck holds, a few Ruddy Ducks.

I have done this excursion countless times but never tire of it. It starts the timer on the influx of migrants that will surge through in waves in the glorious month of May. Birds of a feather takes on new meaning when I indulge myself in this annual rite of spring that feeds my soul after riding out an especially long and stubborn winter.

~  Now Available Online from Amazon, Chapters Indigo or Barnes & Noble: Hunting Muskie, Rites of Passage – Stories by Michael Robert Dyet

~ Michael Robert Dyet is the author of Until the Deep Water Stills – An Internet-enhanced Novel which was a double winner in the Reader Views Literary Awards 2009. Visit Michael’s website at www.mdyetmetaphor.com or the novel online companion at www.mdyetmetaphor.com/blog .

~ Subscribe to Michael’s Metaphors of Life Journal aka Things That Make Me Go Hmmm at its’ internet home www.mdyetmetaphor.com/blog2 . Instructions for subscribing are provided in the Subscribe to this Blog: How To instructions page in the right sidebar. If you’re reading this post on another social networking site, come back regularly to my page for postings once a week.

 

Metaphors of Life Journal: "The Hum" - Fact, Fiction or Somewhere In-between

Hmmm, could writers exist in a world without the unexplainable?

This week’s episode of the TV series Criminal Minds had a storyline built around a mystery known as The Hum. The Hum is a phenomenon arising from reports of a persistent and invasive low-frequency humming – resembling the sound of a distant diesel engine idling – that is apparently audible only to certain people.

Continuing reports of The Hum have come from the UK, the United States (in particular the New Mexico city of Taos) and even from Windsor, Canada. It can be quite disturbing to those who are unfortunate enough to experience it and it has been linked to several suicides.

As you might expect, there is skepticism from many whether this physical sound actually exists. Many believe it is always traceable to a specific mechanical source. In some cases, this has been proven to be true.

Some experts in the field have suggested a diagnosis of tinnitus – a disturbance of the auditory system generated internally by the auditory and nervous system. Others attribute it to spontaneous otoacoustic emissions which are noises that the human ear generates on its own.

In the case of the West Seattle Hum, researchers suggested it could be the mating call of the Midshipman Fish. This particular explanation certainly seems like a stretch. The bottom line is that reports of The Hum persist that cannot be effectively explained away.

Why does this phenomenon intrigue? Is it because I happen to have an aversion to unwanted noise? When I first moved into the townhouse I now call home, a loud tapping noise in the wall behind the kitchen cupboards drove me crazy for seven months. My landlord finally tracked it to a noisy pipe expanding and contracting in heat and cold.

I suspect my intrigue goes deeper than that and arises from opposing forces in my psyche. There is a part of me that needs to always be in control and always have an answer. On the other hand, the curious side of me, which drives me to write, is frightened by the notion of a world without the unexplainable.

If you follow my blog regularly, you know that I see the world through the lens of metaphor. The unexplainable is where metaphors do their best work. They give us a prism to peer through that takes concepts we have trouble wrapping our minds around and re-envisions them in a way that makes sense and comforts us.

And since I am after all the self-proclaimed Metaphor Guy, mysteries like The Hum (with profuse apologies to those afflicted by it) can be the spice of life and the leaping off point for my muse.

~ Now Available Online from Amazon, Chapters Indigo or Barnes & Noble: Hunting Muskie, Rites of Passage – Stories by Michael Robert Dyet

~ Michael Robert Dyet is the author of Until the Deep Water Stills – An Internet-enhanced Novel which was a double winner in the Reader Views Literary Awards 2009. Visit Michael’s website at www.mdyetmetaphor.com or the novel online companion at www.mdyetmetaphor.com/blog.

~ Subscribe to Michael’s Metaphors of Life Journal aka Things That Make Me Go Hmmm at its’ internet home www.mdyetmetaphor.com/blog2. Instructions for subscribing are provided in the Subscribe to this Blog: How To instructions page in the right sidebar. If you’re reading this post on another social networking site, come back regularly to my page for postings once a week.

“The Hum” – Fact, Fiction or Somewhere In-Between

Hmmm, could writers exist in a world without the unexplainable?

This week’s episode of the TV series Criminal Minds had a storyline built around a mystery known as The Hum. The Hum is a phenomenon arising from reports of a persistent and invasive low-frequency humming – resembling the sound of a distant diesel engine idling – that is apparently audible only to certain people.

Continuing reports of The Hum have come from the UK, the United States (in particular the New Mexico city of Taos) and even from Windsor, Canada. It can be quite disturbing to those who are unfortunate enough to experience it and it has been linked to several suicides.

As you might expect, there is skepticism from many whether this physical sound actually exists. Many believe it is always traceable to a specific mechanical source. In some cases, this has been proven to be true.

Some experts in the field have suggested a diagnosis of tinnitus – a disturbance of the auditory system generated internally by the auditory and nervous system. Others attribute it to spontaneous otoacoustic emissions which are noises that the human ear generates on its own.

In the case of the West Seattle Hum, researchers suggested it could be the mating call of the Midshipman Fish. This particular explanation certainly seems like a stretch. The bottom line is that reports of The Hum persist that cannot be effectively explained away.

Why does this phenomenon intrigue? Is it because I happen to have an aversion to unwanted noise? When I first moved into the townhouse I now call home, a loud tapping noise in the wall behind the kitchen cupboards drove me crazy for seven months. My landlord finally tracked it to a noisy pipe expanding and contracting in heat and cold.

I suspect my intrigue goes deeper than that and arises from opposing forces in my psyche. There is a part of me that needs to always be in control and always have an answer. On the other hand, the curious side of me, which drives me to write, is frightened by the notion of a world without the unexplainable.

If you follow my blog regularly, you know that I see the world through the lens of metaphor. The unexplainable is where metaphors do their best work. They give us a prism to peer through that takes concepts we have trouble wrapping our minds around and re-envisions them in a way that makes sense and comforts us.

And since I am after all the self-proclaimed Metaphor Guy, mysteries like The Hum (with profuse apologies to those afflicted by it) can be the spice of life and the leaping off point for my muse.

~  Now Available Online from Amazon, Chapters Indigo or Barnes & Noble: Hunting Muskie, Rites of Passage – Stories by Michael Robert Dyet

~ Michael Robert Dyet is the author of Until the Deep Water Stills – An Internet-enhanced Novel which was a double winner in the Reader Views Literary Awards 2009. Visit Michael’s website at www.mdyetmetaphor.com or the novel online companion at www.mdyetmetaphor.com/blog .

~ Subscribe to Michael’s Metaphors of Life Journal aka Things That Make Me Go Hmmm at its’ internet home www.mdyetmetaphor.com/blog2 . Instructions for subscribing are provided in the Subscribe to this Blog: How To instructions page in the right sidebar. If you’re reading this post on another social networking site, come back regularly to my page for postings once a week.

Metaphors of Life Journal: A Glimmer of Perspective on a Bad Luck Weekend

Hmmm, a little perspective goes a long way when life is taking pot shots at us.

I am staring out the window at the freezing rain which is belying the fact that it is officially Spring. We are halfway through April and Spring has only made one of two very brief appearances. It is the very definition of frustration for an avid birdwatcher. Not that I would have done much even with good weather as my temperamental back is in a bad mood.

I know I should not turn to the online headlines to lighten my mood. But against better judgement I do and the result seems to align with the weather.

U.S., British and French forces strike Syria with 100 missiles. Surprise, surprise, President Donald Trump says mission accomplished.

Mum’s Gruesome Discovery after She Left Kids with Family Nanny. No thank you, I would rather not know about that discovery.

Nazi Legacy Found in Norwegian Trees. My fertile mind could go a dozen different ways, if I let it, speculating on that tidbit.

Highway to Hell: The Worst Traffic Jams in History. I have been in at least one of those. I do not need a reminder.

Ottawa Man Catches Fire after Smoking Near Oxygen. Well, that definitely is a worse weekend than I am having.

Kim Held Khloe’s Legs During Birth. Oh hell! I should have stopped at the burning man. I did not need to hear the latest fake news about the publicity hungry Kardashians.

So what does one do when life thwarts our desires? Cursing Fortuna, the Greek God of fortune and the personification of luck, brings a certain satisfaction, but only briefly. No liquor in the house, so no means of drowning my frustrations.

But here is a thought. My bad back weekend coincides with a bad weather weekend. There is a kind of upside-down luck there. It would have been more frustrating to be sidelined and staring out at a glorious, made to order spring day.

It really does come down to a question of perspective. I can curse Fortuna for picking on me. Or I can thank her for getting two bad luck birds with one stone.

Spring will eventually arrive and my back will come around after a few chiro treatments. And the Kardashians? This too shall pass. They will eventually grow old, their plastic surgery enhanced faces will age, the news headlines will pass them by and, if there is justice, they will all be plagued by bad backs.

~ Now Available Online from Amazon, Chapters Indigo or Barnes & Noble: Hunting Muskie, Rites of Passage – Stories by Michael Robert Dyet

~ Michael Robert Dyet is the author of Until the Deep Water Stills – An Internet-enhanced Novel which was a double winner in the Reader Views Literary Awards 2009. Visit Michael’s website at www.mdyetmetaphor.com or the novel online companion at www.mdyetmetaphor.com/blog.

~ Subscribe to Michael’s Metaphors of Life Journal aka Things That Make Me Go Hmmm at its’ internet home www.mdyetmetaphor.com/blog2. Instructions for subscribing are provided in the Subscribe to this Blog: How To instructions page in the right sidebar. If you’re reading this post on another social networking site, come back regularly to my page for postings once a week.

Finding a Glimmer of Perspective on a Bad Luck Weekend

Hmmm, a little perspective goes a long way when life is taking pot shots at us.

I am staring out the window at the freezing rain which is belying the fact that it is officially Spring. We are halfway through April and Spring has only made one of two very brief appearances. It is the very definition of frustration for an avid birdwatcher. Not that I would have done much even with good weather as my temperamental back is in a bad mood.

I know I should not turn to the online headlines to lighten my mood. But against better judgement I do and the result seems to align with the weather.

U.S., British and French forces strike Syria with 100 missiles. Surprise, surprise, President Donald Trump says mission accomplished.

Mum’s Gruesome Discovery after She Left Kids with Family Nanny. No thank you, I would rather not know about that discovery.

Nazi Legacy Found in Norwegian Trees. My fertile mind could go a dozen different ways, if I let it, speculating on that tidbit.

Highway to Hell: The Worst Traffic Jams in History. I have been in at least one of those. I do not need a reminder.

Ottawa Man Catches Fire after Smoking Near Oxygen. Well, that definitely is a worse weekend than I am having.

Kim Held Khloe’s Legs During Birth. Oh hell! I should have stopped at the burning man. I did not need to hear the latest fake news about the publicity hungry Kardashians.

So what does one do when life thwarts our desires? Cursing Fortuna, the Greek God of fortune and the personification of luck, brings a certain satisfaction, but only briefly. No liquor in the house, so no means of drowning my frustrations.

But here is a thought. My bad back weekend coincides with a bad weather weekend. There is a kind of upside-down luck there. It would have been more frustrating to be sidelined and staring out at a glorious, made to order spring day.

It really does come down to a question of perspective. I can curse Fortuna for picking on me. Or I can thank her for getting two bad luck birds with one stone.

Spring will eventually arrive and my back will come around after a few chiro treatments. And the Kardashians? This too shall pass. They will eventually grow old, their plastic surgery enhanced faces will age, the news headlines will pass them by and, if there is justice, they will all be plagued by bad backs.

~  Now Available Online from Amazon, Chapters Indigo or Barnes & Noble: Hunting Muskie, Rites of Passage – Stories by Michael Robert Dyet

~ Michael Robert Dyet is the author of Until the Deep Water Stills – An Internet-enhanced Novel which was a double winner in the Reader Views Literary Awards 2009. Visit Michael’s website at www.mdyetmetaphor.com or the novel online companion at www.mdyetmetaphor.com/blog .

~ Subscribe to Michael’s Metaphors of Life Journal aka Things That Make Me Go Hmmm at its’ internet home www.mdyetmetaphor.com/blog2 . Instructions for subscribing are provided in the Subscribe to this Blog: How To instructions page in the right sidebar. If you’re reading this post on another social networking site, come back regularly to my page for postings once a week.

Metaphors of Life Journal: Knee Patches, Fish Guts and the Back of the Closet

Knee Patches, Fish Guts and the Back of the Closet

Hmmm, is there a statute of limitations on the age of clothing?

The morning radio show I listen to on the way to work had a special guest this week talking about what is in and what is out in women’s fashion. It was entirely Greek to me. Speaking on behalf of all men, I must state that we cannot wrap our minds around why women need to buy a complete new set of clothes once or even twice a year every year.

I realize that I am treading on thin ice here. Who am I to criticize what makes another person feel good? Fair enough. But I feel compelled to explain to women that men’s clothing also has seasonality, although in a much different way. There are three distinct seasons that apply.

Season #1: Wear It in Public

This seasons kicks in the moment an article of clothing is purchased regardless of whether or not said item is in style. It continues to be in effect as long as that item of clothing is in good condition. The Wear It in Public season can last anywhere from three to five years at the sole discretion of the owner and takes no account of the number of times the item has been worn.

Season #2: Wear It at Home

This season takes effect when the item of clothing begins to show some signs of wear. The colour may have faded. A button or two may be missing or replaced with unmatched ones. The knees may have patches.

The rationale for Wear It at Home season is that only family will see you so minor signs of wear are inconsequential. The garment in fact has reached that much desired and comfortable lived-in state. No need to worry about spilling something on it. Wear It at Home season again can last anywhere from three to five years at the sole discretion of the owner.

Season #3: Wear It to Go Fishing

We men are willing to concede that at a certain point a garment reaches a lived-in state which women of the household can no longer tolerate seeing. We do not understand this feeling, but we reluctantly concede to it.

At this point, the garment retires to the Wear It to Go Fishing season. The fine art of fishing requires that we be ultra-comfortable and totally unconcerned with what may happen to what we are wearing. Fish gut stains just add to the item’s character. Wear It to Go Fishing season can last anywhere from five to ten years. Basically, it if isn’t falling off of us, it is still good.

And finally, we men reserve the right to have three items of clothing in the back of our closet of indeterminate age and in an advanced state of wear. These are our comfort clothes which we need at the ready for those days when everything is going wrong and we must retreat into our psychological man-cave.

And so, what hat in hand and my heart on my sleeve, I declare the three seasons of men’s clothing as an inalienable right of the male of the species.

~ Now Available Online from Amazon, Chapters Indigo or Barnes & Noble: Hunting Muskie, Rites of Passage – Stories by Michael Robert Dyet

~ Michael Robert Dyet is the author of Until the Deep Water Stills – An Internet-enhanced Novel which was a double winner in the Reader Views Literary Awards 2009. Visit Michael’s website at www.mdyetmetaphor.com or the novel online companion at www.mdyetmetaphor.com/blog.

~ Subscribe to Michael’s Metaphors of Life Journal aka Things That Make Me Go Hmmm at its’ internet home www.mdyetmetaphor.com/blog2. Instructions for subscribing are provided in the Subscribe to this Blog: How To instructions page in the right sidebar. If you’re reading this post on another social networking site, come back regularly to my page for postings once a week.

Knee Patches, Fish Guts and the Back of the Closet

Hmmm, is there a statute of limitations on the age of clothing?

The morning radio show I listen to on the way to work had a special guest this week talking about what is in and what is out in women’s fashion. It was entirely Greek to me. Speaking on behalf of all men, I must state that we cannot wrap our minds around why women need to buy a complete new set of clothes once or even twice a year every year.

I realize that I am treading on thin ice here. Who am I to criticize what makes another person feel good? Fair enough. But I feel compelled to explain to women that men’s clothing also has seasonality, although in a much different way. There are three distinct seasons that apply.

Season #1: Wear It in Public

This seasons kicks in the moment an article of clothing is purchased regardless of whether or not said item is in style. It continues to be in effect as long as that item of clothing is in good condition. The Wear It in Public season can last anywhere from three to five years at the sole discretion of the owner and takes no account of the number of times the item has been worn.

Season #2: Wear It at Home

This season takes effect when the item of clothing begins to show some signs of wear. The colour may have faded. A button or two may be missing or replaced with unmatched ones. The knees may have patches.

The rationale for Wear It at Home season is that only family will see you so minor signs of wear are inconsequential. The garment in fact has reached that much desired and comfortable lived-in state. No need to worry about spilling something on it. Wear It at Home season again can last anywhere from three to five years at the sole discretion of the owner.

Season #3: Wear It to Go Fishing

We men are willing to concede that at a certain point a garment reaches a lived-in state which women of the household can no longer tolerate seeing. We do not understand this feeling, but we reluctantly concede to it.

At this point, the garment retires to the Wear It to Go Fishing season. The fine art of fishing requires that we be ultra-comfortable and totally unconcerned with what may happen to what we are wearing. Fish gut stains just add to the item’s character. Wear It to Go Fishing season can last anywhere from five to ten years. Basically, it if isn’t falling off of us, it is still good.

And finally, we men reserve the right to have three items of clothing in the back of our closet of indeterminate age and in an advanced state of wear. These are our comfort clothes which we need at the ready for those days when everything is going wrong and we must retreat into our psychological man-cave.

And so, what hat in hand and my heart on my sleeve, I declare the three seasons of men’s clothing as an inalienable right of the male of the species.

~  Now Available Online from Amazon, Chapters Indigo or Barnes & Noble: Hunting Muskie, Rites of Passage – Stories by Michael Robert Dyet

~ Michael Robert Dyet is the author of Until the Deep Water Stills – An Internet-enhanced Novel which was a double winner in the Reader Views Literary Awards 2009. Visit Michael’s website at www.mdyetmetaphor.com or the novel online companion at www.mdyetmetaphor.com/blog .

~ Subscribe to Michael’s Metaphors of Life Journal aka Things That Make Me Go Hmmm at its’ internet home www.mdyetmetaphor.com/blog2. Instructions for subscribing are provided in the Subscribe to this Blog: How To instructions page in the right sidebar. If you’re reading this post on another social networking site, come back regularly to my page for postings once a week.