Nicole Zoltack's Blog, page 62
November 10, 2010
26 Puns for Educated Minds
I received this in an email and thought you all might enjoy reading them too.
26 Puns for Educated Minds
1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'
13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'
15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
17. A backward poet writes inverse.
18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.
21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'
22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says 'Dam!'
23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'
25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
26 Puns for Educated Minds
1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'
13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'
15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
17. A backward poet writes inverse.
18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.
21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'
22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says 'Dam!'
23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'
25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
November 9, 2010
Nano Update
For those of you doing Nano, here's a handy link with icons and a status bar.
I thought I would post today concerning my nano progress.
Sadly, my word count is nowhere near as high as I would like it to be. And it's not because of lack of time.
It's because I was sick.
It's hard enough that Thanksgiving is in November. That's an entire weekend in which you can't write because if you do, you must hate your family and family togetherness and am horrible antisocial. But to be sick? When you're trying to write a novel in a month? That's just rubbing salt in the wound.
I hadn't been sleeping well on the 3rd and 4th and chalked it up to winter coming but when I woke up Friday, I knew. I knew I was sick. And a few hours later, I was running a fever of 101. Intermittent fever, chills, sweats, aches, migraines, nasty cough, sore throat, I was not in good shape, especially because I couldn't sleep either.
So, on the 6th, my word count was only 6,749. When, by Nano standards, it should be at least 10,000.
But now I'm feeling much better and am ready to attack my keyboard and type like a madwoman! As of right now, my word count is 13,097 and climbing! I hope to type a lot more than 50K this month so we'll just have to wait and see how high my word count reaches by the 30th.
As for PiBo, I have notes jotted down for 11 ideas so far, so I'll definitely be able to reach 30 ideas by the 30th. :)
For the rest of my fellow Nanoers, how is your story coming along? Want to post your word count in the comments section? For those not venturing in the insanity, how are your writing projects coming along?
I thought I would post today concerning my nano progress.
Sadly, my word count is nowhere near as high as I would like it to be. And it's not because of lack of time.
It's because I was sick.
It's hard enough that Thanksgiving is in November. That's an entire weekend in which you can't write because if you do, you must hate your family and family togetherness and am horrible antisocial. But to be sick? When you're trying to write a novel in a month? That's just rubbing salt in the wound.
I hadn't been sleeping well on the 3rd and 4th and chalked it up to winter coming but when I woke up Friday, I knew. I knew I was sick. And a few hours later, I was running a fever of 101. Intermittent fever, chills, sweats, aches, migraines, nasty cough, sore throat, I was not in good shape, especially because I couldn't sleep either.
So, on the 6th, my word count was only 6,749. When, by Nano standards, it should be at least 10,000.
But now I'm feeling much better and am ready to attack my keyboard and type like a madwoman! As of right now, my word count is 13,097 and climbing! I hope to type a lot more than 50K this month so we'll just have to wait and see how high my word count reaches by the 30th.
As for PiBo, I have notes jotted down for 11 ideas so far, so I'll definitely be able to reach 30 ideas by the 30th. :)
For the rest of my fellow Nanoers, how is your story coming along? Want to post your word count in the comments section? For those not venturing in the insanity, how are your writing projects coming along?
November 8, 2010
Inspiring Mondays
Twofer! Steampunk and Disney.
November 5, 2010
Family Friday
Son #1 is two. He is learning words at a rapid rate but still loves to babble partly because he can talk so much faster when he's babbling.
Yesterday, he walked over to my husband's nightstand, pointed to his father in a picture of the three of us and said hubby's name. I cracked up. I pointed to myself, but he didn't want to call me or himself anything. He pointed to his father again and again said his name, at which point I tried to get him to say 'daddy' but he promptly ignored me and started to get into things he shouldn't.
Now son #1 loves to call his daddy when daddy's at work. He'll take my cell phone and call him (which only works if hubby is the last person I called, son knows how to redail). When hubby answers, son always says 'Hi, da!' and babbles to his little hearts content. It's so precious. And if he's done, he'll say 'bye' and hang up.
Son #1calls me 'ma' and has a tendncy to only call me that when he feels like I'm spending too much time with his father or brotehr. He'll say 'ma' then babble for awhile. If I dare turn to look at hubby, he'll say 'ma' again to get my attention. He really is adorable.
Now he has said 'Cole' before and sometimes even 'Nicole' but he doesn't seem to associate that with me. Unlike poor hubby. And hubby at first thought it was funny to hear son say his name, but wishes his son would call him 'daddy'. We're still waiting for 'I love you.' I'm sure it won't be too long of a wait.
Yesterday, he walked over to my husband's nightstand, pointed to his father in a picture of the three of us and said hubby's name. I cracked up. I pointed to myself, but he didn't want to call me or himself anything. He pointed to his father again and again said his name, at which point I tried to get him to say 'daddy' but he promptly ignored me and started to get into things he shouldn't.
Now son #1 loves to call his daddy when daddy's at work. He'll take my cell phone and call him (which only works if hubby is the last person I called, son knows how to redail). When hubby answers, son always says 'Hi, da!' and babbles to his little hearts content. It's so precious. And if he's done, he'll say 'bye' and hang up.
Son #1calls me 'ma' and has a tendncy to only call me that when he feels like I'm spending too much time with his father or brotehr. He'll say 'ma' then babble for awhile. If I dare turn to look at hubby, he'll say 'ma' again to get my attention. He really is adorable.
Now he has said 'Cole' before and sometimes even 'Nicole' but he doesn't seem to associate that with me. Unlike poor hubby. And hubby at first thought it was funny to hear son say his name, but wishes his son would call him 'daddy'. We're still waiting for 'I love you.' I'm sure it won't be too long of a wait.
November 4, 2010
The Top 100 Things I'd Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord
Another link post because of Nano. I blame all things on Nano. Makes my life easier.
Anyhow, I adore this list, The The Top 100 Things I'd Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord. Every time I reread it, I crack up, literally laughing out loud. (How many times do you type lol and not actually laugh? Yeah, I actually laugh. Hubby looked at me like I had three heads. Non-writers just don't get writers sometimes).
Here are a couple of my favorites:
My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.
My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.
Shooting is not too good for my enemies.
When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot him then say "No."
I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled "Danger: Do Not Push". The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labelled as such.
I will see a competent psychiatrist and get cured of all extremely unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits which could prove to be a disadvantage.
If I am fighting with the hero atop a moving platform, have disarmed him, and am about to finish him off and he glances behind me and drops flat, I too will drop flat instead of quizzically turning around to find out what he saw.
Anyhow, I adore this list, The The Top 100 Things I'd Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord. Every time I reread it, I crack up, literally laughing out loud. (How many times do you type lol and not actually laugh? Yeah, I actually laugh. Hubby looked at me like I had three heads. Non-writers just don't get writers sometimes).
Here are a couple of my favorites:
My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.
My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.
Shooting is not too good for my enemies.
When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot him then say "No."
I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled "Danger: Do Not Push". The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labelled as such.
I will see a competent psychiatrist and get cured of all extremely unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits which could prove to be a disadvantage.
If I am fighting with the hero atop a moving platform, have disarmed him, and am about to finish him off and he glances behind me and drops flat, I too will drop flat instead of quizzically turning around to find out what he saw.
November 3, 2010
Hated Literary Characters
We all have favorite literary characters. I love Anne of Green Gables. And Aragorn. And Alanna from the Lioness Quartet. Han Solo (I have an entire shelf devoted to SW books #imadork)
But what about the flip side? What characters do you hate?
It's easy to list villains. Voldemort. Dark Vader. Iago. Bella Swan (not a villain I know but I can't stand her.)
Who do you hate?
Here's a compilation of the 50 most hated characters in- iterary history. Do you agree with the list? Disagree? Who would you add?
But what about the flip side? What characters do you hate?
It's easy to list villains. Voldemort. Dark Vader. Iago. Bella Swan (not a villain I know but I can't stand her.)
Who do you hate?
Here's a compilation of the 50 most hated characters in- iterary history. Do you agree with the list? Disagree? Who would you add?
November 2, 2010
What Agents Are Looking For
There's been so great post on agent blogs lately about what exactly they want to see in their slush pile so it's time for some linkage (ahd here's fair warning that I may use a lot of linkage-type post for blog posts during Nano):
Weronika Janczuk's agent wish list
Mandy Hubbard Wishlist
Kathleen Ortiz Expanding what she's looking to sign
Every couple of months, Donald Maass lists on his agency's website what they are looking for. Click here for the link.
Enjoy the linkage!
Weronika Janczuk's agent wish list
Mandy Hubbard Wishlist
Kathleen Ortiz Expanding what she's looking to sign
Every couple of months, Donald Maass lists on his agency's website what they are looking for. Click here for the link.
Enjoy the linkage!
November 1, 2010
Loglines and Inspiring Mondays
Today I'm part of a logline blogfest courtsey of Steena.
I'm gonna post two loglines for two different stories. Feel free to comment about one or the other or both!
Logline #1:
Hidden in Shadows
urban fantasy with romance elements
(side note: I've been having some real difficulty with this one. There are three major components to the story: the revenge, the love, and Lorna's discovery of her powers. All three are important and related in the story but I can't quite figure out a way to show how they are connected within the logline. Here's my best try.)
Traumatized by witnessing her father's brutal murder, Lorna masters her feelings of powerlessness by becoming an assassin. As Lorna grows closer to finding her father's murderer, she strives to master her newfound shadow power, the ability to create and hide in shadows. When she falls for a new target, Lorna must make a choice – love or revenge.
Logline #2:
Alexia's Pen
fantasy YA
When fifteen-year-old aspiring novelist Alexia is given a mysterious pen that writes of its own accord, she discovers the mystical, but real, Land of Imagining, which is threatened by great evil. To save the inhabitants and her kidnapped family, Alexia must use the pen's power before the Land of Imagining becomes the Land of Terror.
I also have a one-liner:
When fifteen-year-old aspiring novelist Alexia is given a mysterious pen that writes of its own accord, she discovers the mystical, but real, Land of Imagining, a land only she can save from demons.
Looking forward to reading and helping you all to have awesome loglines! And before I forget, here's today's photo for inspiring Mondays (a female assassin picture in honor of Lorna)
I'm gonna post two loglines for two different stories. Feel free to comment about one or the other or both!
Logline #1:
Hidden in Shadows
urban fantasy with romance elements
(side note: I've been having some real difficulty with this one. There are three major components to the story: the revenge, the love, and Lorna's discovery of her powers. All three are important and related in the story but I can't quite figure out a way to show how they are connected within the logline. Here's my best try.)
Traumatized by witnessing her father's brutal murder, Lorna masters her feelings of powerlessness by becoming an assassin. As Lorna grows closer to finding her father's murderer, she strives to master her newfound shadow power, the ability to create and hide in shadows. When she falls for a new target, Lorna must make a choice – love or revenge.
Logline #2:
Alexia's Pen
fantasy YA
When fifteen-year-old aspiring novelist Alexia is given a mysterious pen that writes of its own accord, she discovers the mystical, but real, Land of Imagining, which is threatened by great evil. To save the inhabitants and her kidnapped family, Alexia must use the pen's power before the Land of Imagining becomes the Land of Terror.
I also have a one-liner:
When fifteen-year-old aspiring novelist Alexia is given a mysterious pen that writes of its own accord, she discovers the mystical, but real, Land of Imagining, a land only she can save from demons.
Looking forward to reading and helping you all to have awesome loglines! And before I forget, here's today's photo for inspiring Mondays (a female assassin picture in honor of Lorna)
October 31, 2010
October 29, 2010
Friendly Friday
So last Friday, I talked about dinosaurs and how I wanted to be a palentologist. (And now I have several awesome plot bunnies about dinosaurs and a really cool shifter story). I thought I would share in this post what I actually worked as before I quit working to be a full time mom and writer.
Credit for picture
I went to college with my original major as law and society. I wanted to be a lawyer - a prosecutor. But that didn't last long. I ended up switching my major before the first day of classes when I learned that they were starting a new track with the sciences to add a forensic track alongside chemistry or biology. So I became a chemistry major. Ended up with a BS in chemistry with a concentration in forensic science and a minor in biology.
Credit for pictureFor the most part, I didn't mind my science courses, but I loved my cj courses and my psych courses. I was one course short of a psych minor. My absolute favorite course was called Crime Lab. Best course evah. I also took Forensics and Criminal Investigation, Forensic Psychology, and Dangerous Minds: The Psychology of Antisocial Behavior.
Credit for pictureI followed this course of studies because I wanted to work in a crime lab and be a crime scene investigator. But once I graduated and started looking for a job, there weren't any avilable.
I was devasted.
Well, that's not exactly treue. There were some openings. In California.
I live in Pennsylvania. And was engaged at this point in time so there was no way I was moving across the country.
So I ended up taking the first job I was offered - as an organic analyst in an environmental laboratory. Not what I had in mind but it paid the bills.
So you might be wondering why I write fantasy with my background. For one thing, I love to create whole new worlds. And I love magic. And mystical creatures.
But I would love to write mysteries someday, to use my forensic background and incoproate it into stories. But to write mysteries, you have to be a plotter. I'm a pantser. So that is going to take a lot of time and effort on my part to write a mystery. So it probably won't be for years until I try that.
But I also love all of the psych courses I took in college and plan to use them in stories too. I have an idea for several mind thrillers, stories about people and the mental cages that they build for themselves. It's gonna be interesting to write those stories, very interesting.
So if you have any questions about science or forensics or psychology when writing your stories, feel free to ask me. I might know the answer, I might not, but I'm more than willing to help a fellow author out.
Credit for pictureI went to college with my original major as law and society. I wanted to be a lawyer - a prosecutor. But that didn't last long. I ended up switching my major before the first day of classes when I learned that they were starting a new track with the sciences to add a forensic track alongside chemistry or biology. So I became a chemistry major. Ended up with a BS in chemistry with a concentration in forensic science and a minor in biology.
Credit for pictureFor the most part, I didn't mind my science courses, but I loved my cj courses and my psych courses. I was one course short of a psych minor. My absolute favorite course was called Crime Lab. Best course evah. I also took Forensics and Criminal Investigation, Forensic Psychology, and Dangerous Minds: The Psychology of Antisocial Behavior.Credit for pictureI followed this course of studies because I wanted to work in a crime lab and be a crime scene investigator. But once I graduated and started looking for a job, there weren't any avilable.I was devasted.
Well, that's not exactly treue. There were some openings. In California.
I live in Pennsylvania. And was engaged at this point in time so there was no way I was moving across the country.
So I ended up taking the first job I was offered - as an organic analyst in an environmental laboratory. Not what I had in mind but it paid the bills.
So you might be wondering why I write fantasy with my background. For one thing, I love to create whole new worlds. And I love magic. And mystical creatures.
But I would love to write mysteries someday, to use my forensic background and incoproate it into stories. But to write mysteries, you have to be a plotter. I'm a pantser. So that is going to take a lot of time and effort on my part to write a mystery. So it probably won't be for years until I try that.
But I also love all of the psych courses I took in college and plan to use them in stories too. I have an idea for several mind thrillers, stories about people and the mental cages that they build for themselves. It's gonna be interesting to write those stories, very interesting.
So if you have any questions about science or forensics or psychology when writing your stories, feel free to ask me. I might know the answer, I might not, but I'm more than willing to help a fellow author out.
