Jonathan Moeller's Blog, page 167

how to describe characters

Zachary asks:

“Was curious of you could give me a bit of writing advice. I am attempting to write in Omnipresence style but I find myself lacking backdrop details and describing characters without beating the reader to death with them. If you are willing to share tips I’d appreciate them.”

I think the trick is to keep descriptions 1.) brief, 2.) evocative of the senses, and 3.) metaphorical if suitable to the scene. Like, if you’re describing something, it’s good to hit two of the senses if possible, maybe even a few more. As for a metaphorical description, instead of saying a house looks decrepit, you could say it looks like a drug den, an invalid’s home, a serial killer’s lair, or like the contractor cut costs by skimping on building materials. All of them evoke a different sort of house.

Let’s try an example. Right now I’m writing CLOAK OF DRAGONS, the next book with Nadia Moran, and I’m writing a scene with Nadia. Nadia, as long-time readers know, is Caucasian, 5 foot 3 inches tall, weighs in the mid 110 lbs, has brown hair, gray eyes, and in the current scene is wearing black jeans, running shoes, a gray sweater, and a black motorcycle jacket with orange stripes on the sleeves. While that is accurate, it’s clinical and somewhat tedious to read.

A more evocative description:

“The short woman wore a motorcycle jacket with orange stripes on the sleeves, and her gray eyes never stopped moving as she watched the bar. She reminded him of a spring wound a little too tight and ready to snap.” 

Or one that engages other senses:

“Yeah, you can do that,” Nadia said. Her voice would have been throaty except for the Midwestern accent and the hard edge of anger. She stepped closer, and the mixed smell of leather and motorcycle exhaust came to his nose. “Or you can sit back down.”

You can also use the description to reveal details about the character doing the observing. Like, let’s say a cranky grandmother sees Nadia walk past:

“A girl in a motorcycle jacket stalked past, a scowl on her face. Really, the way young people dressed nowadays. And the way she scowled, it was unlikely she was going to find a husband.”

Or an experienced assassin:

“He would have overlooked her as a threat, but he saw the wariness in her stance, and her gray eyes had the cold edge that only killers had. Also, he was reasonably sure that she had a gun hidden beneath the motorcycle jacket.” 

So, I suppose the law of conservation of detail comes into play. Use just as much detail as necessary to put a picture into the reader’s mind, and no more.

-JM

The Mystery of the Blue Train by Agatha Christie

I just finished reading THE MYSTERY OF THE BLUE TRAIN by Agatha Christie. Really enjoyed it, and highly recommended! Superbly well-constructed book.

It had two quotes I really liked:

“You tell your lies and you think nobody knows. But there are two people who know. Yes – two people. One is le bon Dieu -” He raised a hand to heaven, and then settling himself back in his chair and shutting his eyelids, he murmured comfortably: “And the other is Hercule Poirot.”

Now that is a boast! Of course, it’s not really a boast if he can back it up, which he does.

I also really liked this quote:

“Ah, but that is always so,” said Poirot quietly. “A mirror shows the truth, but everyone stands in a different place for looking into the mirror.” 

I’ve read a lot of my books over my life, but I didn’t see the ending coming in this one. That usually happens for me in Agatha Christie books. I’ve only successfully guessed the murderer in her books once, and that was because so many other writers have emulated the particular story trope she used.

-JM

 

 

 

Jonathan Moeller Novel Excerpt Tuesday: CLOAK GAMES: THIEF TRAP

Once again it is time for Jonathan Moeller Novel Excerpt Tuesday! This week our excerpt is from CLOAK GAMES: THIEF TRAP, the first novel in the CLOAK GAMES series.

Since I’m now writing the 13th book with Nadia, it seems like an appropriate choice.

The excerpt is an immensely fateful conversation for both Nadia Moran and Lord Morvilind, though neither knows it at the time.

This was the first novel I ever wrote on a Microsoft Surface, which is funny because I spent the three years before that making fun of the Surface, mostly because of that one commercial with the dance number. But now I write on one every day.

You can get CLOAK GAMES: THIEF TRAP in ebook for free at Amazon US, Amazon UK, Amazon Canada, Amazon Germany, Amazon Australia, Barnes & Noble, Kobo, Google Play, iTunes, and Smashwords.

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The Elf smiled his cold smile and withdrew his hand.

For a moment I could do nothing but gape in sheer astonishment. There had been a fire around his hand, and I had put it out with my mind. Nothing in my life had prepared me for something like this, and I struggled to understand it.

“The spark,” said the Elf. “The inborn magical ability. A talent, if you prefer. Once it was extremely rare among your race. Then the High Queen opened the gates to the Shadowlands and we came here, and piercing Earth’s umbra seemed to break some sort of protective shell around your world. Consequently, the spark has become much more common among humans. It would be a fascinating experiment to track the rate of the spark’s progression in your population, though I have no interest in the matter.” The cold smile turned a bit indulgent. “But you have no idea what I’m talking about, do you?”

“No,” I whispered, my eyes turning back to Russell in his incubator.

“Perhaps you soon will,” said the Elf.

“I don’t care,” I said. “Go away and leave me alone. I don’t care about your stupid magic. I don’t care about anything.”

“Lies,” said the Elf. “You care about the infant.”

“He’s going to die,” I said, staring at Russell’s small, limp form.

“My magic can save him,” said the Elf.

I looked up at the tall figure in black and gold.

“It can?” I said.

“The frostfever inflicted by the blades of the frost giants is a deadly ailment, beyond the powers of your physicians and their machines,” said the Elf. “Even for magic, it is a difficult cure, spread over many years, yet not beyond the skill of an archmage. It is in my power to cure your brother.”

I stared at him, caught somewhere between hope and disbelief. I had a smart mouth…but I also had a suspicious mind, too. “Why? Why would you do that? Why would an Elf care about my brother?”

“I care nothing for your brother,” said the Elf. “You, though…I have a great deal of work for you. I could simply buy you both as slaves. Yet given the nature of the work I require from you, that would be a foolish strategy. A slave is a tool that always betrays his master’s work. No, I require your willing cooperation.”

“To do what?” I said, baffled.

“In time,” said the Elf. “In time. Do you understand what I am proposing?”

“I…I think so,” I said.

“Then say it in your own words.”

“You’ll use your magic to heal Russell,” I said, “if I do what you tell me to do.”

“Precisely,” said the Elf archmage, leaning closer to me. “Do you know what I will do to you if you disobey me or betray me?”

“You’ll kill us both,” I said.

“Of course not,” said the Elf. “That would be inelegant. No, the spell necessary to cure frostfever shall require twenty different castings, one cast every year. Should you disobey me, should you betray me, I shall simply withhold my power, and your brother shall die.”

I looked at the Elf, and I was frightened. I saw the power there, the cruelty. Even at the age of five, I knew that this was not a good man. I wanted to cry. I wanted to run to my mom and dad. But they were dead, and I was all that Russell had left. If I did nothing, he would die.

I couldn’t let that happen.

“All right,” I whispered.

The Elf raised an eyebrow. “I’m sorry?”

I swallowed and squared my shoulders. “I…I will do what you say, if you make Russell better. Please, Lord Elf.” I remembered some of the manners Miss Culpepper had attempted to beat into my head. A human was always to address an Elf he did not know as Lord Elf, even if the Elf was not noble-born.

The Elf snorted. “You do have a modicum of manners, then. We shall have to work on that. What is your name, child?”

“Nadia,” I said. “Nadia Moran.”

“I am Morvilind,” said the Elf, “an archmage of the Elven nation and a Knight of House Tamirlas, vassal to Lord Tamirlas, the Duke of Milwaukee. You may address me as Lord Morvilind, or as ‘my lord’, as you prefer.” The cold blue eyes seemed to sink into me. “Now, Nadia Moran. Are you ready to follow my commands?”

I tried to work moisture into my mouth. I was only five years old, but I had the sense that I was about to make an irrevocable choice. Yet I was only five, and I could not articulate my fears.

Besides. Morvilind could help Russell. That was all that mattered. That was the only thing that could matter.

“Yes,” I said, “my lord Morvilind.”

-JM

 

CLOAK OF DRAGONS underway!

Now that SEVENFOLD SWORD: GUARDIAN is out and selling briskly, my main focus is going to be CLOAK OF DRAGONS.

I’m on Chapter 7 of 20, and if all goes well, the book should be out towards the end of April.

I’m also on Chapter 1 of 11 of MALISON: DRAGON UMBRA.

Here’s a short excerpt from CLOAK OF DRAGONS:

“Tell me,” said Tarlia, and I moved up to walk at her side. “How does the city fare?”

“Uh,” I said. “It’s getting better. I think most of the road damage from the Archon attack has been repaired. People are still kind of on edge. But life goes on.” I realized that most of what I had said was banal. But Tarlia had said she had recruited me for reasons other than my dazzling eloquence.

I glanced to the right and saw bullet holes marking the wall of the building, some of the windows still boarded over. There had been heavy fighting on this street during the Rebel attack.

“Yes,” murmured Tarlia. “You would hardly know that nineteen thousand people were killed during the attack, would you? But life does go on. The rent needs to be paid next month. It is the one thing humans and Elves crave above all else.”

I blinked. “Owing rent?”

Tarlia’s red lips curved in a smile. “Something that doesn’t exist. Constancy. So we yearn for the illusion of it.”

-JM

SEVENFOLD SWORD: GUARDIAN now available!

I am pleased to report that SEVENFOLD SWORD: GUARDIAN, the 11th book in the SEVENFOLD SWORD series, is now available at Amazon US, Amazon UK, Amazon DE, Amazon CA, Amazon AU, Barnes & Noble, Kobo, Apple Books, Google Play, and Smashwords.

The quest of the Seven Swords nears its end, and dark powers rise to seize the world.

Ridmark Arban has learned the terrible secret at the heart of the Seven Swords. Now he need only escape Urd Maelwyn, the grim city ruled by the dark elven tyrant known as the Confessor.

But few who enter Urd Maelwyn ever leave alive.

And the Maledicti priests will kill to protect the secret of the Seven Swords…

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-JM

Facebook!

Facebook has apparently been down for eight hours straight.

And this is why it’s a very good idea for a writer to 1.) maintain an email list, and 2.) maintain a website. It’s never good to be 100% dependent on someone else’s platform!

-JM

Interesting Links #30: Audio War

This week for Interesting Links, we have articles about audiobooks, plagarism, and Diablo!

-There’s no way I’d ever consider narrating my own audiobooks (I can barely get a coherent sentence out in casual conversation much of the time), but this was nonetheless an interesting interview on the topic: Understanding Audiobook Production: An Interview with Rich Miller.

-Speaking of audiobooks, it seems that Bookbub is starting its own audiobook recommendation service. Introducing Chirp: A New Way to Promote Audiobooks. What’s interesting is that they partnered with Findaway Voices for this instead of ACX. It seems that Apple, Kobo, Google Play, and Findaway are intent on challenging Amazon/Audible’s dominance in the audio market.

-Draft2Digital is now distributing to Google Play: New Public Beta: D2D adds distribution to Google Play!

-Don’t steal from Nora Roberts (or anyone, really): Plagarism, Then And Now.

-Some good advice about writers & exercise: Exercise & Writing.

-Perfectionism is an enemy, I think: When To Stop Polishing A Manuscript.

-If you know anything about Blizzard, then you know this is astonishing news: Blizzard has handed Diablo 1’s keys to GOG, and you can buy it right now.

-From Bookbub, a useful list: 50+ Publishing Resources You Should Know About.

-I am not surprised by this in the least: U.S. users are leaving Facebook by the millions, Edison Research says.

-JM

 

 

SEVENFOLD SWORD: GUARDIAN Table of Contents

I’m far enough into editing SEVENFOLD SWORD: GUARDIAN that I have a table of contents, so let’s start the weekend by sharing it here!

If all goes well, the book will come out later this month.

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-JM

GHOST IN THE BLOOD now in audiobook

I am very, very pleased to report that GHOST IN THE BLOOD, the third Caina novel, is now in audiobook, as excellently narrated by Hollis McCarthy.

You can get it at Audible, Amazon US, Amazon UK, Amazon AU, and iTunes.

With this, the first three Caina books are now in audio for nearly 38 hours of listening enjoyment, and you can also get CHILD OF THE GHOSTS and GHOST IN THE FLAMES at Audible, Amazon, and iTunes.

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-JM

ebook sales percentages 2018

I was curious to see which series of mine sold the best in 2018.

I gotta say, it would have been much harder to figure this out without Trackerbox, which is an excellent software program. So, of my total ebook sales for 2018, here’s how it divides out by series:

Sevenfold Sword: 31.6%

Frostborn: 26.94%

Cloak Games: 11.59%

Ghosts (The Ghosts/Ghost Exile/Ghost Night): 11.31%

Silent Order: 6.92%

Demonsouled: 4.73%

Computer Beginners Guides: 3.17%

Cloak & Ghost: 1.34%

Third Soul: 1%

The Tower of Endless Worlds: 0.0062%

Malison: 0.0019%

Thanks for reading, everyone! I have to say I have the fortunate problem of feeling like I’m behind on all my unfinished series because of the demand for them.

-JM