Sarwat Chadda's Blog, page 2

Badass of the Year

There were many cinematic delights in 2011. Following up from my last blog on Alpha Males heading your way in 2012 I feel the need, nay, the duty, to expand on this list, and diversify. It's not exclusively male, as any follower of my blog will know, BADASS embraces all creeds, sexes and nationalities.
So, my review of what was BADASS in 2011.
1. Hanna. Young girl skilled in all the arts of death by a psycho father. I'm not so sure that Tom Holland with a bad dye job was exactly the sort of elite assassin I'd send against Eric Bana since, lets be honest, he looked like he'd struggle up a flight of stairs while Eric Bana apparently swam the Atlantic ocean but if Billi had a sister by another mister, it would be Hanna. And we LOVE the soundtrack. Those Chemical Brothers do get around (and seem to follow Tom Holland, being in the latest Tron too. Not good.).
2. Ryan Gosling in the Driver. Ryan seems to have become a fan-girl fav of late and with those abs, why not? Have we already wearied of Taylor Lautner's wash-board stomach already? How fickle is the teen girl devotions! But deep down you know Ryan would kick Jacob's arse, don't you? Then he'd drive over him. Road-kill.
3. Conan the Barbarian. Okay, I admit it, the new movie sucked BUT it was Conan and it's a brave man who follows in the sandalled footsteps of Arnie. So, kudos to Jason Momoa for giving us brooding muscle-bound barbarian when it mattered.
4. Peter Mensah as Oenemaus out of the Spartacus series. The elegance, the wounded honour, the physique on the man who's so nearing fifty! I'm going to the gym first thing next week! Spartacus Blood and Sand and the prequel Gods of the Arena have been my guilty pleasure this year. Oh how it rocked. If my Latin lessons had been half as good as this I'd be teaching it at Oxford by now. Certainly not suitable for kids. Or nuns. Well, maybe nuns.
5. Michael Fassbender. As Magneto in X-Men First Class and in Centurion. This guy is BADASS. C'mon, that scene in the Argentinian bar? Yes, I completely agree it was a screen test for Bond. The mind salivates at the idea. Then him running bare-chested through the Hibernian snows in Centurion. It looked bloody freezing and it was (see the extras on the dvd). The man's dedicated and ripped like nothing on earth. Another reason to take up Latin, methinks.

Predictions for 2012. The return of the Alpha Male.

There's always a reason for Daniel in those blue trunks. So, that's 2011 more or less wrapped up. Phew! What a year, eh? Revolutions throughout the arab world with dictators toppling like dominoes, the EU of the verge of meltdown, the royal wedding, the UK in riot mode and Minx winning X-Factor.

Where will it all end?
No idea, but I know I'll be spending a lot of it in the company of alpha males. And so will you.
After years of the metrosexual, of the 'new-age caring sharing happy to change nappies and cries at girly-flicks' type of man-boy, I smell testosterone in the air. Times, they are a-changin'.
Of course, we'll always have Bond, the very paragon of alpha-ness, but look at Driver. Ryan Gosling is rapidly becoming a fan-girl fav, but why? He's an alpha. Hardly speaks, certainly doesn't share his emotions, handy with his hands and ruthlessly brutal, and a loner. These are not qualifications for a long term relationship!
But, my oh my, we do love him. Pwerhaps in a confusing world we all hanker for someone to come along and 'sort s**t out' with his bare hands. Simple and direct. Perhaps we're weary of negotiating, trying to do the right thing, taking charge for our own destinies.
For me, the defining alpha moment was watching the opening scene of Dr. No, when Sean Connery says the immortal 'Bond...James Bond' with an almost sneer as he lights up. Now, Sean was 28 at that time but frankly, so manly he was prehistoric. It was as if billions of years of what it is to be a man had been purified down to that defining moment, that casino and those words. Come on, you still get a little thrill when he does it, don't you?
What defines an alpha male? On the most simple level, who would you like on your side in a fight? That's the ultimate role of the alpha, to protect the group, society, pack. He accepts his role as a warrior and has no real qualms about it. He doesn't do angst.
Sex appeal. His mere presence make the other males cower and the females blush. Again, this is his function, to have many strong sons to further protect the group down the generations. Chaste he is not.
A certain elequence. He says what he means and means what he says.
He is the ultimate male-wish fulfillment fantasy, as simple as that. Since the moment one big hairy ape with good hair swung down and thwacked the tiger on the head and saved the female ape in distress and the other male apes sat around thinking 'I wish I'd been ape enough to do that'. Always was, always will be. So, my list of alpha males for 2012:
1. Daniel Craig. The new Bond movie. 'Nuff said. They say it often, but they mean it here, the best Bond since Connery. Please oh please let the next movie be like Casino Royale and not Quantum of Solace.
2. Sean Bean. Ned Stark. I know it came out this year but I still haven't seen it and this is my blog. Sean's been great for years and years and years and age has only man him more so.
3. Jon Hamm. The new series of Mad Men. Certainly at the front of the queue when God handed out 'ridiculously good-lookin''.
4. Christian Bale. He will lead the superhero brigade which is frankly gigantic in the year of Avengers. Honourable mentions to Robert Downey Junior, Chris Evans and Chris Hemsworth.
5. Karl Urban as Judge Dredd. Karl is usually the best thing in whatever he does (Priest, anyone?) and he won't be taking off the helmet. Respect to the Law!

This blog is NOT about religion. It's about Marmite. Honestly.

Alas, I couldn't find an image of a bottle of Marmite ANYWHERE, so, completely BY RANDOM, I found this action-packed image by one of my favourite comic heroes, Frank Miller. I've NO IDEA what it is about, but I'm sure it's an intelligent, thoughtful and non-bigotted and even-handed debate about the so-called 'clash of civilization' we've been hearing so much about since, oh, September 2001.
But I'm here today to talk about Marmite. For those of you who don't know what it is, I can't be bothered to explain it to you, because explaining and understanding takes too long and is hard, but all you need to know is it's VILE and I HATE it.
Okay, if you must know, its a vegetable yeast extract. Vegetarians love it. Now I'm not prejudiced against vegetarians, and some of my best friends are vegetarians, but, I just want to say do you know who else was a vegetarian?
Adolf Hitler.
Just sayin'.
But this is not a rant about vegetarians, it's a rant about Marmite.
But millions of people in the world love Marmite. They have it as their favourite thing EVAH. They have it in the morning, the moment they get up. They snack on it during the day and even at night. My gosh, like FIVE times a day, easy. You kind of wonder what else they can be doing with their lives, wasting so much of it on Marmite.
I don't know who invented it, maybe some guy out in the middle of the desert because that's where all the crazy ideas come from, don't you agree? Anyway, it gets invented. I bet even his wife thought it a bit odd, but she came on board and soon there were a handful of other Marmaite lovers.
Now, can you believe it, it's GLOBAL.
How can so many people be so INSANE? Marmite is disgusting! It's been banned in some countries, but that just drives it underground (I myslef, so my shame, have smuggled in pots for friends abroad who've been converted to the stuff, but because I love them, I do it). Governments are waking up to the evil of Marmite, but I don't think it's a war that can ever be one. If only there was a way of recognising Marmite lovers, then it might be easier. You know, we could get them to wear special badges, or round them up and get them to live in certain areas so we could keep an eye on them and make sure they don't spread their vile Marmite love. Surely we have a duty to protect our children from Marmite?
I say this as a concerned parent who, sadly, has lost his own two young ones to Marmite. I married a Marmite lover. I admit it. I thought she would keep her Marmite love to herself, but she INDOCTRINATED them into loving Marmite when they were very small and impressionable. How evil is that, feeding Marmite to defenceless babies! Now, it's too late. But, it made me realise, that Marmite lovers aren't that different from me, afterall. I know my kids, they're just like everyone elses kids (though by far more talented and pretty and all that and they sure tidy their rooms in the morning. Not.).
It's made me realise that I shouldn't fear Marmite. It's out there. It appeals to millions. Some good, some bad. It's certianly not to everyone's taste, but then what is?

Well, that was an adventure!

Just back from a trip to Pakistan, the ancient family homeland, and had a jolly fine time. It's amazing the bargains you can find in the local bazaars near the Afghan border.

It's been a long, long time since I was last there, 24 years in fact. It was an emotional trip in more ways than one.
Firstly, catching up with a vastly extended family. I met cousins who, back in 1987, where newly married with babes in their arms. Now, those babies have their own babes in their arms. Time has marked on and when I was the teen youngest, now I'm the aged uncle. A generation has come and gone and it stared me starkly as I saw once vigourous men now old, and how their sons had become their fathers.
Pakistan is both terribly ancient and terribly new. As a country, it's just over 50 years old, but as a culture, it's one of the oldest in the world.
As some of you may know, Ash Mistry is based, inspired by, the great ancient Harappan civilization. This existed over 5,000 years ago, and the city of Harappa is in Pakistan itself. I visited the site and will report on that seperately. But there's something profoundly moving about walking streets that were teeming with people and had merchants and products from all over the civilized world of Mesopotamia and Sumer and Old Kingdom Eygpt when Rome didn't even exist and the Trojan War hadn't yet been fought. We're talking about way way back, back when myth and history were one of the same.Then, there is the current Pakistan, with all the bad press attached. It's (sort of) the basis on my new project. I've my hands full with Ash Mistry but think it's high time I wrote something straight, adult and historical. No magic, no vampires, but lots of intense action and my version of the game of thrones, back when Britain was playing it in the Indian Subcontinent. It forged the modern world, for better or worse, and much (but certainly not all) of the trouble we have over there now is merely a modern replay of the trouble we've always had over there. If more politicans were historians instead of lawyers, we might not be in the shambles were are right now. Lets put it this way, even Alexander the Great couldn't get out of Afghanistan quickly enough.

News on the Devil's Kiss tv series

I often wonder if there is only a certain amount of luck in the world. I do believe there are different types of luck. One type is the old 'the more I practice the luckier I get' type, which is the only luck you can control. Then there's the 'OMG, look, someone's dropped a walletful of CASH. Dinner's on me!' which is the right place at the right time sort of luck. Then there's 'the stars aligning, the sheer forces of the cosmos coming to your aid ably assisted by quite a few battalions of archangels' type of luck. Basically the sort of luck which, in an ordered universe, really shouldn't be allowed.
So, it was in that order of things I received this email yesterday.

Gaumont embraces Devil's Kiss

Gaumont International Television (GIT), the new Los Angeles-based scripted TV arm of the French movie studio, has teamed up with The Walking Dead's exec producer Gale Anne Hurd for its latest project.
GIT, which launched in September under former NBC Entertainment executive VP of drama programming Katie O'Connell, has acquired rights to Devil's Kiss, a series of young adult novels by Sarwat Chadda from the UK.
Hurd will exec-produce a miniseries based on the books, together with Stephen Gallagher (The Eleventh Hour), who will pen the adaptation.
Devil's Kiss tells the story of a modern teenage girl raised by her father to become a member of an ancient order of knights, drawing on the mythology of the Knights Templar and the Crusades. Beatrice Springborn, who joined Hurd's Valhalla Entertainment as executive VP of production and development last year, picked up the project. The books and TV series will appeal to fans of Twilight and True Blood, according to GIT CEO O'Connell.
"We wanted to work with the incredible Gale Ann Hurd and were so happy that she presented us this novel. We read it and fell in love with the story's scope and emotional resonance," said O'Connell. "I had worked with Stephen Gallagher in the past and he had such a fresh and wonderful take on how to transition this to a television show."
GIT, which brought former Power executive Erik Pack onboard to head international sales and coproductions, will be pitching Devil's Kiss to broadcasters in the UK in the coming weeks.
Hurd (Terminator, Aliens), who is also currently developing a series based on the novels of former UK MP Jeffrey Archer - as reported by C21 recently - said of her latest project: "I couldn't be more excited to work with the Gaumont team on Devil's Kiss. We share the same vision for Sarwat Chadda's books. Bili, the central character, is a unique heroine, and her epic adventures make her ideal for a television series."
Devil's Kiss will be the third project that GIT has put into development after announcing its arrival on the scene ahead of Mipcom, where it debuted Hannibal, a one-hour drama based on Thomas Harris's Dr Hannibal Lector novels, which was picked up by NBC earlier this months.
Also in the works at GIT is Madame Tussaud, a six-hour miniseries about the famous artist and business woman who survived the French Revolution. Michael Hirst (The Tudors) will executive-produce with Alan Gasmer and Sherry Marsh.

I mean, HOLEY MOLEY, right? It's still got a few hurdles (and big ones) to jump before we have Billi on the screen but, sheesh, I never, ever thought it would get this far. Remember, I thought we'd be lucky to be able to buy a new carpet with my first book deal (which we did too, very nice, from John Lewis but, blimey, it was a chore and a half to get it fitted).
So, there are MANY people who have moved heaven and earth to get the celestial bodies in the right place to make this happen. I mean Sarah Davies (of course), Jerry Kalajian, Gale Anne Hurd (big fan-boy moment when I met her!), Beatrice Springborn and the GIT crew. You're all invited around mine for Christmas lunch. We're having the traditional Murgh Mussallam.

Guest review from my mate Cameron!

Dune. Arrakis. Desert world. Either these terms will rock your very existence or you're sitting there going 'was that the movie with Sting is silver-winged underpants?'
Well, yes it was.
I'm one of those who wished he knew the weirding way, that his eyes were blue in blue and, god-damnit, wanted to be a Fremen.
But... some time ago I got into a twitter chat with LdySkyfire and recommended she read Dune, and watch the movie. The review below is teh result. Just for fun, folks!
Cameron's Review of Dune by Frank Herbert
From the Blog Whatthecatread.wordpress.com

Book description by Goodreads

This Hugo & Nebula Award winner tells a sweeping tale of the desert planet Arrakis, the focus of an intricate power struggle in a byzantine interstellar empire. Arrakis is the sole source of Melange, "spice of spices". Melange is necessary for interstellar travel & grants psi powers & longevity. Whoever controls it wields great influence. Troubles begin when stewardship of Arrakis is transferred by the Emperor from the Harkonnen Noble House to House Atreides. The Harkonnens don't want to give up their privilege. Thru sabotage & treachery they cast young Duke Paul Atreides out into the planet's harsh environment to die. There he joins the Fremen, a desert dwelling tribe, the basis of the army with which he reclaims what's rightfully his. Paul is more than just a usurped duke. He might be the end product of a long-term genetic experiment to breed a superhuman. He might be a messiah. His struggle is at the center of a nexus of powerful people & events. Repercussions will be felt throughout the Imperium.

Review

I will be honest; I've known about this book's existence for years, but never had any interest in reading it. In fact, I have gone out of my way not to read it because I'm generally not a big fan of straight science fiction. However, when author Sarwat Chadda told me in a tongue in cheek way to read this book else our friendship would be in jeopardy, I decided to give it a try. Generally when I get a challenge like that, I follow through on it.

So what were my thoughts on this book upon finishing it? Well it was an interesting read. While I liked various parts of it, other parts were just boring. And yes, perhaps my dislike of straight science fiction clouded my feelings and made it impossible to read with an unbiased eye, but in the long run, the book just simply didn't do much for me.

The ideas behind the Bene Gesserit teachings and the Fremen way of life I found immensely intriguing. The Litany against Fear especially caught my eye and left me thinking. In truth it was the thoughtful, intellectual moments in the book that were the most enjoyable for me. Herbert poses some truly deep philosophical ideas within this novel and those ideas held my interest far more than the actual plot of the story. Try as I might, I just didn't care what happened to the characters or the power struggle between political houses. And once Paul became the "messiah", I lost what little respect I felt towards him.

At the same time, I struggled with Herbert's writing style. To me it was dry and extremely confusing. The general pacing of events took far to long and often times I found myself wanting to scream, "Get on with it already!" Not that that would have done much good. In fact, by the time I finished with the story itself, I chose to completely skip the appendices and glossary. Plus, the inner monologues just killed me. Almost all of Herbert's characters engage in inner contemplation to the point where it was overkill.

Yes, Herbert created a world that truly was unique, however the actual story just didn't work for me. I've heard that it has been compared to Tolkien's Lord of the Rings trilogy, but if I had to choose between the two, I'd go with Tolkien long before I'd ever choose Herbert.

Cameron's Review of Dune (1984 Movie) directed by David Lynch
From the Blog Whatthecatread.wordpress.com

Thank heaven's I listened to the folks who told me to read the book before I watched this movie. Had I gone the other way around, I fear I would have been completely lost. Never in my life have I seen a movie more disjointed in its telling then this one. It felt like there were no transitions between major events, and the few transitions that were there were flat and poorly explained.

The use of the inner monologues, which run throughout the novel, were poorly dubbed and did little to enhance the plot. And the portrayal of the Harkonnen Baron was disturbing to say the least. In truth, the first time he appears in the movie, I had to fight the overwhelming desire to turn the TV off. True, the actual character in the book is not entirely mentally stable, but to physically see that instability depicted in a movie is just beyond creepy. At least with Sting's character it was more a matter of physical appearance then actions. Sting has a truly wonderful psychotic facial expression through the movie.

For a movie that was produced in 1984, the special effects were well done. Nowadays most folks would consider the quality of the effects cheesy, but the depiction of the shield-filters worked well with what I had envisioned them to look like when I read the book. I will admit that the space creature who was responsible for folding time and space made absolutely no sense to me. I couldn't figure out what it was suppose to be and at this point, I don't think I want anyone to try and explain it because it will more than likely just make my brain hurt.

The best bit of casting, besides Sting as the deranged Feyd-Rautha, was Patrick Stewart as Gurney. I only wish there had been more of him as I really liked his portrayal of the character.

So, if you are considering watching this movie but don't know anything about Dune in general, I will offer the same advice that folks gave me, read the book first. Trust me, it will make more sense in the long run if you do.

Sorry for the break in service!

Okay, have to be brief today, I've got to cook supper for the kids. What to tell you?
1. Working on FINAL edits of Ash Mistry and the Savage Fortress. Gosh, this has been a saga and a half.
2. The website's going to have a MAJOR revamp in the new year. Gothic is out, Indian is in. As part of the revamp there'll be a new gallery with portraits (by me!) of all the main characters in the Billi and Ash books. Here's the first work in progress, Billi herself. It's been a long time since I dusted off the old ink brushes but it makes a pleasant change to writing, I think it's the old left side v. right side brain function balancing itself out.
More later! Bye!!

Rakshasas, not your average demon

Vampires. Yeah, been there, done that bought the teeshirt. Werewolves. Stock up on the silver bullets and they're TOAST. Fairies? Big problems with iron (kind of a bummer when the world's built of it). Zombies? Run fast and have a chainsaw handy.

The problem is that with most of the big bads we just know too much about them. Sure, they are scary but now come in easy to manage packages. With instruction manuals.
The fundamental attribute of any monster must be its unknown quantity. Think about the first ever Alien. Just one monster, creeping around the dark and scaring the bejeesus out of everyone. JUST ONE.
When a bad-guy is BADASS, you don't need more than one of them.
That's why I'm so excited about the new series, I'll bring you a new level of fear. The demons out of Indian mythology don't fit in boxes. They take many forms. Some haunt graveyards, others search the battlefields at night, feeding on teh dead, others are heroes in their own right and some, a few, challenge the gods. The Indian mythology doesn't play by Western ideas of good and evil. Look at Kali, the goddess of killers and the most bloodthirsty being in all creation whose dance of frenzy almost destroyed the universe. BUT she's the greatest defence we have against the forces of darkness because she's BADDER than the rest.
The same applies to rakshasas. By bringing in a 'new' mythos I can scrap all the things we know and love but (lets face it) have become blase. Can you honestly say that you don't roll your eyes a little when you see another vampire book? Be honest. Thought so.
The unknown. It's the source of all our fears. Lets have it back, shall we?

FIGHT!

Continuing the theme I've been developing over the last few months (the nature of bad-assness) I'd like to take this opportunity to educate you on what are the GREATEST FIGHTS ever. We'll keep ourselves to those of the cinematic variety because, if you've ever been in a real fight you know that they're scrappy and relatively unartistic.
Lets see how badasses fight.
1. Achilles v Hector in Troy. Awesome movie and awesome fight. The whole movie comes down to this point and the rage Achilles has for the defender of Troy, Prince Hector. I know that snobs and purists complain that liberties were taken with the origianl text but, seriously, who wants the List of Ships on the screen? This was a battle between gods.
2. Bond v Red Grant in From Russia with Love. I think this was probably the first 'modern' fight scene. Cramped, desperate and brutal it had Bond fighting for his life like he never has before or since against a man who is in all ways his equal. Connery was the baddest of all Bonds and I defy anyone to disagree after watching this scene.
3. Martin Blank v. Hitman in corridor in Grosse Point Blank. Clearly inspired by our No.2 choice what's interesting is that the actor, John Cusack, is a notable martial artist and the guy he was fighting was a top kick-boxer (and, I think, John's tutor). Lots of fients, kicks, brawling and excellent proof that the pen is indeed mighter than the sword.
4. Bruce Lee v. the henchmen in Enter the Dragon. Unarmed, jo sticks. Bo stick and finally the iconic nunchakus. I don't care how much of a pacifist you are, even the Dalai Lama dreams of being Bruce Lee.
5. Superman v. General Zod and his cronies in Superman II. Hey, they throw a bus at him! I love this because it's supers fight as supers would; lots of flying, being hurled through buildings and THROWING BUSES.
6. Maximus taking on the gang of gladiators in Gladiator. Are you not entertained? We sure are.
7. Spiderman v. Doctor Octopus in Spiderman 2. Full 3D battlefield and the train duel was rather terrific. Again, supers taking to the other level.
8. The Bride and the Crazy 88 in Kill Bill Vol. 1. So over the top and utterly ridiculous you have to love it. What is it about katanas?
9. Tavern brawl in Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. That was the moment I fell in love with Zhang Ziyi.
10. Opening fight in The Brotherhood of the Wolf. The torrential rain, the mysterious men in long coats, the bad guys in dresses. Too cool and probably the most brilliant costume drama ever. And it had Monica Bellucci in it with not many clothes on.
Do check them out on YouTube.

Beards. Why men have them. Why men NEED them.

I've just finished Giles Kristian's RAVEN, a book that's got loads of Vikings in it. More Vikings that a festival of Vikings during the Viking month of Viking, in Vikingland. It's so Viking even the women have beards.
Now, Vikings liked beards. Plaits too and small bones knotted within them as they brawled and sought out glory and weak-kneed churchmen.
It's the mark of a man, isn't it? At least publically and far less likely to get you arrested.
Then I thought (so rare nowadays). Templars. Beards. Spartans. Beards. Blackbeard. Beard. Santa. Beard. When you look at the stats, nine out of ten bad-asses had beards.
It says "hey, I'm not a woman." Infact, young samurai worried about such a issue used to grow moustaches so if they were ever decapitated (head-taking an honourable tradition in that culture) their killer wouldn't have his reputation blemished by anyone thinking he'd killed a girl. Now that's manly when you're working about your own severed head.
So I'm introducing a 'Beard Rating'. It's to establish how manly a thing is. Now we're not talking about just your DNA, but MANLY. Like don't do the washing up and 'hey, I've only worn this underwear five days and it's fine.' That sort of 'out-on-the-ledge' manliness which is so rare nowadays since we've given up existing in a hunter-gather society. And they say all progress is good.
So, Raven by Giles Kristian. Beardy down to your knees it's that manly. Sorry, MANLY.
Ironclad the movie, starring James Purefoy as a Knight Templar. Ankle-length beard. He's a Templar. 'Nuff said.
Conan the Barbarian. Hmm, maybe waist length beard. Yes, he lives, loves and slays, but there's a certain lack of true barbarism. Would the new Conan expect to hear the lamentation of his enemies women? Not so sure.
Conan the Barbarian as written by R.E Howard, knee-length beard.
So, next time you read something and feel the urge to tear off your shirt and run screaming in the woods wrestling trees, that's because that book has BEARD.
Till next time, folks.
Oh, in case you were wondering about Twilight? Clean-shaven.