Matthew Dicks's Blog, page 312

This update to "Ironic" is a beautiful thing

There's nothing better than a celebrity willing to make fun of herself. If only more of them (and human beings in general) understood this.

Authentic self deprecation is such a courageous and beautiful thing. 

In this spirit is Alanis Morissette's update to "Ironic" on The Late Late Show is one of my favorite things on the Internet in a while.

It helps that I love James Corden, too. 

This hoodie is real. You won't think so, but I promise you. This is a real thing.

The Russian clothing clothing Chukcha launched a Kickstarter campaign last month to support its special hoodies that have pockets in both the front and back. They call this design Together Wear.

When I saw this, I thought it was a joke. A spoof. A parody. The pictures alone make it seem like a farce, and the Kickstarter video sounds like something ripped directly from FunnyorDie.com or The Onion. 

It's not. I've check and re-checked. This hoodie is a real thing. Completely serious. Earnest beyond belief. And it is terrifying.  

Serious question: Why isn't religious hypocrisy used more often against the opponents to same sex marriage?

For the last couple months, I've been writing the occasional post - titled #Biblebuffet - indicating the hypocrisy of people who oppose same sex marriage for religious reasons.

If you use The Bible to oppose same sex marriage, don't forget to execute adulterers, people who work on Sundays, and any woman engaging in premarital sex. All of these edicts are stated in The Bible just as explicitly as opposition to same sex marriage, and oftentimes within the same book of the Bible.

I was going to write another post today, but instead, I just have a question:

Why is this argument not made more often?

When someone like Ted Cruz argues against same sex marriage on religious grounds, why don't his opponents ask him why he isn't also stoning those who work on Sunday?

Or at least attempting to reinstate the Blue laws, making it illegal to conduct business on Sunday?

This seems like a perfectly logical argument to make, but I never hear it. And as someone who has read The Bible from cover to cover three times, I assure you that I could continue to write #Biblebuffet posts for years without running out of bizarre edicts and inexplicable prohibitions contained within the text.

Why not highlight the hypocrisy of bigots who hide their bigotry behind a religious text filled with equally clear prohibitions that no sane person would ever follow?

Seriously, what am I missing?

I'm also stunned that no one brings up Jesus when it comes to same sex marriage, because a complete reading of the first four books of the New Testament - the section on Jesus's life on Earth - makes sit abundantly clear that he never treat homosexual men or women with the same hatred and prejudice as people like Ted Cruz do today.

The man who opposed so many things in the Old Testament by advising his followers to turn the other cheek and "love thy neighbor as yourself" (also stating that there is no commandment greater than this) would never support these bigots and their crusade against same sex marriage.

No one ever talks about this. They allow religious zealots to treat The Bible like a breakfast buffet, picking and choosing convenient sections while ignoring others in order to support their own bigotry without ever challenging this hypocrisy. 

I want to know why. Seriously. What am I missing?

After almost getting my wife nothing on Mother's Day, it turns out that I gave her a lot. The list is extraordinary.

Happy Mother's Day to all the moms of the world, and especially my wife, Elysha, the best mother I have ever known.

Please remember, mothers, that there's an apostrophe in Mother's Day, meaning it's your day. Don't let anyone else's expectations interfere with your desire to do whatever the hell you want.

It's your day, damn it.

My thoughts also go out to those of us who have lost our mothers, oftentimes making this day bittersweet at best.

I know it's bittersweet for me. 

My plan for Mother's Day was to give my wife VIP tickets to the upcoming Duran Duran concert this summer. Months ago, I asked her what band from her youth would she like to see most, and she said - almost immediately - Duran Duran.

Seconds before clicking the buy button on the tickets, I decided to check with Elysha in order to confirm that we had nothing planned on the date of the concert. It's a date close to our anniversary, and I wasn't sure if our our plans would overlap the concert. 

That was when I learned that she had no desire to see Duran Duran.

Two days before Mother's Day and now without a Mother's Day gift, I panicked.

Now it's Mother's Day morning, and I still have nothing. 

Well, almost nothing.

It's approaching 9:00 AM and she's still asleep. This is not uncommon in our home, but I know many mother's who would kill for this. I'm taking credit. I swept and mopped the basement stairs. This is a monthly chore that I don't think Elysha even knows exists. It's a pain in the ass, and I'm pretty sure that in the eight years we have been in this house, I'm the only one who has ever done it. Doing a chore for eight years without any acknowledgement is worth at least one-half of a Mother's Day present. I emptied the trashcan and replaced the bag. I often don't replace the bag, because after bringing the garbage all the way to the can, the 14 steps required to put a new bag in the can seems inconsequential to me.  I negotiated a truce in two sibling wars over toys while she slept. I bought and hid five Mother's Day cards for her around the house. Each one includes clever commentary, including post-it note warnings, a critique of domestic violence, a Clara-induced error, and a warning against clutter.   I bought her five large plastic bins for her sewing paraphernalia. One might argue that this is a git more for me than her, since I'm the one who can't stand to see the sewing stuff all over the house, but these bins will help organize her stuff and make her husband much happier, so that's a double win for her.    I didn't purchase a new sexy Princess Leia costume to replace the one I bought for her years ago but has apparently been misplaced since I never saw her wear it even once.  

I guess I'm not doing so poorly after all.

We'll also be visiting The Eric Carle Museum and taking a walk in North Hampton later today, and we agreed that she could just find something that she wanted there. 

It's not quite the surprise of Duran Duran tickets or the awesomeness of a sexy Princess Leis costume, and in retrospect, she's already received a lot. 

But it's a good idea nonetheless.  

Where have all the rebels gone?

Blogger Jason Kottke writes about the differing approaches to "being an adult." In his post, he establishes two kinds of adults:

A: Those who have set aside their childish ways
B: Those who rebel against the lack of freedom of childhood.

“Basically opposite approaches,” he writes. “Responsible adulthood and irresponsible adulthood.”

Kottke continues:

The A people feel that being an adult means eating healthfully, being financially responsible, dressing to meet the expectations of others, flossing regularly, servicing your vehicle regularly, etc.

Folks who take the B approach feel that adulthood means that you can eat candy for breakfast, drink too much, fail to keep careful track of your finances, stay up late, play hours of video games a day, skip dental cleanings for three years, order the steak instead of the salad, etc.

The division between these two types of people has been something that has interested (and frustrated) me for a while, but I don’t entirely agree with Kottke’s distinctions.

I am constantly asking myself where all the rebels have gone.

I cannot understand what causes the adolescent hellion, the teenage idealist, and the twenty-something non-conformist to suddenly accept, embrace and surrender to the traditions and mores of modern society. I marvel at people who are my age - former activists, dreamers, militants, and all-around challengers of authority - who have become so thoroughly invested in cultural, religious, familial, and societal conformity. They have chosen to adhere to the expectations of appearance, accept the etiquette of the masses, follow in the footsteps of previous generations, and possess an overall concern with the opinions and values of the majority.

In short, they have begun to resemble the conservative, staid, judgmental, risk-free nature of the parents they once found objectionable at best.  

Have they forgotten the vows made as teenagers and young adults?

Have they chosen to ignore the disdain that they once felt for the rigidity and formality of the adult world?

Have they failed to remember the anthems of their youth?

I think so, and it makes me crazy. I thought that I would be a member of the generation that would tip conformity and convention on its head. I have been disappointed. The majority of people who are my age seem to have eased themselves into the stream of the compliance and traditionalism. This is why clever websites like My Parents Were Awesome are able to exist - as totems to the rebels these people once were. As the website says:

Before the fanny packs and Andrea Bocelli concerts, your parents (and grandparents) were once free-wheeling, fashion-forward, and super awesome.

I agree, but look at the majority of them now. Free-wheeling? Super awesome? That’s starting to become a harder and harder thing to say about many people my age. I see them giving up on the dreams of their youth, forgoing art and passion completely for cubicles and corporate culture. They are joining their father's companies, doing work that they do not love, and finding value in corner offices and career ladders rather than joyful exuberance and personal expression. 

It has made me so sad to watch. 

I tend to lean towards non-conformity. I always have. I challenge conventional wisdom whenever possible. I question the most basic rituals and procedures of society.

I almost always dress for comfort and personal preference rather than the expectations of others.I refuse to wear any item of clothing (save sneakers) that that is adorned with a designer label.I stopped wearing ties (long before Obama), finding them to be little more than decorated nooses with no discernible purpose.I don’t drink coffee or tea, and I drink very little alcohol.I still write embarrassing comments in the Memo sections of my checks when presenting them to friends as payment.I tell revealing, embarrassing, occasionally shocking stories about myself on stage that many people advise me against.I've read the Harry Potter series and Stephen King's The Dark Tower series three times each. When I guy shakes my hand with excessive force, I whine like a little girl, asking him why he’s so mean and trying to make him feel stupid.I play music exceedingly loud in my car when I am alone.When asked to indicate my position on a form at work, I write "Upright."I often propose unconventional, radical, and occasionally (albeit arguably) offensive ideas on this blog and elsewhere.I go to 7-11 in pajamas and slippers if I need something late at night.I'm looking for people willing to play tackle football with me. When someone knocks on a locked bathroom door, I respond by shouting Monty Python quotes.I still play video games with my friends from time to time (and would do so more often if I had the time).I've been known to stay up way too late and wake up way too early. Often.I punched someone more recently than anyone I know.I think that dessert can be a part of breakfast, and I long for the day when I am still hungry enough to enjoy a slice of pie after my eggs and toast.I eat ice cream for breakfast at least once a year just because I can.

If you were to ask my friends, they would likely identify me as one of Kottke’s type B adults.

Yet in many ways, I am very much one of Kottke's type A adults as well. 

I floss daily.I like to think that I am financially responsible.I may not eat as well as I should, but I try, and I work out at the gym almost daily.I have my car serviced every 3000-5000 miles. 

The distinctions that Kottke makes - responsible versus irresponsible - are not quite accurate when describing these two forms of adults, but they are close.

I believe that a type B adult - the kind who does not conform to society’s expectations and challenges convention - can still be responsible when it comes to taking care of him or herself. Despite my desire to tip the world on its head, I don’t want my teeth to fall out, my house to be foreclosed upon, and my heart to explode at the age of 50. I would argue that a person can reject the traditional construct of adulthood while still maintaining a healthy, financially independent lifestyle.

One does not need to live in sloth and destitution in order to be - as someone recently described me - “interesting but difficult.”

Or as another person described me last year:

"Different, in a good way, but sometimes in not so good a way." 

A person can reject the trappings of adulthood and still floss regularly.

I wish more would. In both regards.

Sometimes I think I live in "Leave It To Beaver"

Overheard during breakfast:

Clara (age 7): Hey Charlie, Timmy and I are finding things in common.

(Note: Clara and her classmate Timmy don't always get along) 

Charlie (age 3): That’s great! What?

Clara: Timmy watches Shimmer & Shine, and so do I. I heard him singing it quietly, but not so quietly that I couldn’t hear. So I asked him if he watched it. He said yes.

Charlie: Wow! That’s great!

Clara: Yup. When we find things in common, we can get along better! 

Harlem Knight Fight

This is unbelievable. I'm not sure if I love these guys or think they's idiots.

Kids are great, but they ruin everything. Especially your peace of mind about the future of the planet.

I was listening to a boy read a poem onstage at the recent TEDx conference at The Country School. It was a poem that talked about his fears and anxieties. 

He read: 

"I worry that the world will end in my lifetime."

I heard those words and remembered thinking the same thing for a long, long time. 

Then I had kids, and that worry suddenly stretched out a whole lot longer. Practically endless.

Part of me wanted to grab the kid and warn him of the dangers of having children. They bring so much joy into my life and I can't imagine a world without them, but the threat of worldwide calamity looms larger and is decidedly more ominous.

Memoirs of an Imaginary Friend is a Nutmeg nominee!

Thrilled and honored to have Memoirs of an Imaginary Friend nominated for a Nutmeg Award.

After 18 years of reading and recommending Nutmeg nominees to my students, seeing my novel on the list is indescribable.

Boy vs. Girl: Episode 26 - Boy vs. Wife and Girl vs. Husband

In this week's episode, Rachel and I talk podcasting and gender with our spouses Elysha and David. 

You can listen here or - better yet - subscribe to our podcast in the iTunes store or wherever you get your podcasts.

And if you like the show, please consider leaving a review on iTunes. It helps readers find the show, and it makes me feel even better about myself.