Matthew Dicks's Blog, page 278
April 6, 2017
Sleeping less is not the secret to my productivity. Television is.
As a person who teaches elementary school, publishes novels, writes for magazines, owns and operates a wedding DJ company, runs a storytelling organization, and performs onstage regularly, I am often asked how I manage to get so much done.
This question is almost always followed with this assumption: "You don't sleep much. Do you?"
Yes, it's true. I don't sleep as much as the average person. Five or six hours at the most each night, but it's a mistake to think that this is how I accomplish so much. My productivity is the result of a multitude of systems and strategies that allow me to get a lot done in a given day, including this often forgotten, preferably ignored, but enormous one:
I don't watch much television. While the average American watches more than five hours of television a day, I watch an average about five hours of television a week, and that's in a good week.
Last month I went eleven days straight without watching television.
So yes, by sleeping less, I gain two or three or maybe four hours a day of productivity that most people spend in bed.
But I also gain four or five hours a day of productivity that most people spend watching TV.
To think that my productivity is primarily the result of my ability to sleep less would be a mistake.
As Teal Burrell recently wrote in the Washington Post:
"Americans are obsessed with television, spending an average of five hours a day pointing ourselves at it even as we complain we’re busier than ever."
And here's the thing: I like television. I enjoy sitting beside my wife and watching TV. I believe that we are in a golden age of television. Never before has television produced such high quality programming. I like Game of Thrones and Homeland and Veep and Last Week Tonight.
But here's the other thing: I like life more. I like playing with my children and writing books and meeting new people and reading and talking with my wife over dinner and performing onstage and striving for the the next thing. I like filling my life with real stuff rather than the fictional lives of TV people.
Watching television is not only a terrible way to achieve my goals, but too much television is destructive in so many ways. From Burrell's Washington Times piece:
People who watch more television are generally unhappier, heavier and worse sleepers, and have a higher risk of death over a defined length of time.
Avoiding television is not hard. Simply don't turn the damn thing on. Don't allow it to become the background noise of your life. Don't make it the default means of spending time because you have no other way to fill the hours.
Find something else to fill the hours. The list of possibilities are endless.
Read a book. Play a board game. Learn to play guitar. Knit. Write letters to friends. Learn to bake. Take a walk. Garden. Paint. Sculpt. Reupholster your couch. Call your grandmother. Start a side hustle. Exercise. Volunteer on a suicide prevention hotline. Meditate. Breed rabbits. Have more sex. Memorize poetry. Dance naked in your living room.
Become the person who somehow manages to knit lambswool cardigans, teach a weekly cooking classes, and restore antique rocking chairs in your spare time.
Live life.
When you're old and decrepit and staring death in the face, I promise you that the evenings spent dancing naked in your living room and hours you spent on the phone counseling suicidal teenagers will be more important to you than finishing The Wire or finding out if Bad Guy #625 will be sent to jail at the end of Law & Order.
Live a life more rich and real than the people you watch on television.
I've spoken about this very subject before, if you're interested:
April 5, 2017
19 Things I Wish I’d Known When I Was 20
April 4, 2017
Rogue One on VHS: A taste of the perfect childhood
I am happy that I live in a digital, HD, Internet-infused world.
I am also happy that I grew up in an analog, low-definition, Internet-absent world.
I did not touch a computer or the Internet for the first 18 years of my life. After graduating from high school, I left home, moved in with a friend going to college to study computer programming, and became an instant early adopter of both personal computing and the first iterations of Internet: localized bulletin board systems (BBS). I played games, chatted with friends, and even wrote a blog online (though it wasn't called a blog back then) as early as 1989.
When I finally made it to college in 1994, I was often the only person in any of my classes who understood what the Internet was and how it could be used. I was using the Internet for research on a regular basis (Lycos and Alta-Vista, anyone?) while my classmates spent hours digging through the stacks in the library.
But my childhood was blessedly analog, and I wish my children could experience the same simplicity and patience that the analog world required. My generation was the only one to grow up as children without the Internet but live all of our adult lives with the Internet.
I humbly suggest that this might be the best way to live.
It's also why I love this Rogue One VHS recreation so much. The sound and look brings me instantly back to the days when media came in a physical form, you waited all year for the Peanuts Christmas special on television, and my mother would tell me to drink out of the hose when I wanted to come inside the house for water on a summer day.
Those were good days.
April 3, 2017
If your schedule your meeting for one hour, and then your meeting lasts exactly one hour, you have failed.
If you schedule an hour for a meeting, and your meeting lasts for an hour, you have failed, for three reasons:
The efficient person attempts to complete tasks in less than the allotted time. If you've given yourself 60 minutes to complete a task and require all 60 minutes to do so, you have not been efficient.Meetings that end early are always perceived more positively than those that end on time or later. Ending your meeting on time eliminates this simple means of improving the perception of every meeting that you conduct.
What are the odds that you have precisely 60 minutes of content to cover in your meeting?Not likely.
This means that you are either filling time because you are a rule-following completist who oddly believes that an hour scheduled must equal an hour filled, or you have scheduled too much content for your meeting and have either failed to complete your agenda (which is always frustrating to attendees) or are rushing through items that deserve greater attention.
Not good either way.
Here is the correct mindset for every meeting that you plan:
I have scheduled 60 minutes for this meeting. I will be thorough but efficient. Every minute under the 60 minutes that I have allotted brings me closer to superhero status.
I want to be a superhero.
Now... which of the items on my agenda could be sent as an email to save everyone some time?
April 2, 2017
Be happy. Judge on intent.
A suggestion that will make you a happier person and a more pleasant person to be around:
Judge others solely on their intent.
One night my friend and DJ partner, Bengi, we were heading to the shore to perform at a wedding. As we wound down a country road, I noticed a pedestrian on the side of the road in dark clothing. "Watch out!" I shouted, pointing frantically at the man.
"I see him," Bengi said.
"Oh. Sorry."
"Don't be sorry," Bengi replied. "You were trying to save me from killing someone. I'll never get angry at you for trying to keep us safe. Never be afraid to point something out on the road if you're trying to help."
That moment stuck with me. How often in my life had a passenger pointed out a potential hazard on the road that I had already seen, and in response, I scolded the passenger, asserting my expertise in the process.
"Let me do the driving. Okay?"
"No one likes a a backseat driver."
"Did you want to drive today? I'd be happy to give you the wheel."
Yes, I had done that before. I had done it a lot. But Bengi was right. These passengers were just trying to keep us safe. Why be angry with them?
Why become angry with anyone who is trying to do the right thing?
This was the moment when I decided that I would try to judge the actions and decisions of others solely on intent. If a person or organization or even an animal meant well but the results turned out poorly for me, I would try like hell to refrain from anger, outrage, or complaint.
This means that when Elysha forgets to turn off the burner on the stove (which she has done from time to time), and I unknowingly place my hand on the 350 degree burner (as I have done several times) and spend the next hour wrapped in ice, I do not become angry. I don't complain.
She didn't want to hurt me. Her intent wasn't to leave the burner on. It was an accident. She was busy making dinner.
When my dog tears open the garbage bag that I left by the door for one minute while I was using the bathroom, I don't get mad. She didn't know any better. She's a dog. It's not her fault.
When my friend ruins the surprise party that I'm planning for my wife, I don't become angry or outraged. I may remind him of this stupidity (Tom) on the golf course and the poker table for years to come, but that is done in jest. In truth, I can't be angry at someone for making an innocent, albeit careless mistake, because he didn't mean to ruin the surprise.
When my boss reschedules a meeting for a day and time that is least convenient for me, I don't become upset, because she's not trying to ruin my day. She's solving a complex problem, and in the process, I ended up on the losing end of the deal. But she didn't want to ruin my day, so I'm fine. No worries.
This is how I have lived my life for more than ten years, and it has made my life decidedly simpler and happier. I am admittedly not perfect in adhering to this policy. I am much more likely to apply it to friends, family, and colleagues than the driver who cuts me off on I-95 or the slow moving players on the golf course.
But when it comes to people I know, my application of this policy is fairly consistent. As a result, I complain less. I am angry with friends and family far less often. I rarely hold a grudge. I really am a happier person.
This policy has worked wonders for me.
When I suggest this policy to friends, their reaction is fairly standard:
Aren't you special?. Apparently your achieved some level of self actualization that the rest of us may never attain. You are clearly so perfect in every way, Matt. How noble of you. Are you sure you're not the Son of God?
In order words, the policy strikes them as unrealistic.
Here's my issue with their response:
They declare this policy unrealistic without ever giving it a try. I explain my philosophy. Describe the benefits of adopting this policy. Suggest that it might be something they consider. Then without even a moment's consideration, they declare me holier-than-thou and dismiss my suggestion as nonsense.
I will never understand this.
People want to be happier. They want their lives to be simpler. Easier. They want to reduce conflict in their lives.
But so often, it seems as if they want this happiness in pill form. They don't want to work for it. They are unwilling to change. Experiment. Try something new.
Yes, my policy of judging on intent might make me sound holier-than-thou as I describe it, but in practice, it has made me a happier person. Less prone to anger, conflict, or grudges. I never appear holier-than-thou in the application of the policy. I'm simply happier. More forgiving. I don't complain. I'm far less frustrated or annoyed than many people I know.
It is said that the road to hell is paved with good intentions. This may be true, but when it comes to dealing with people who I know and love (and sometimes people who I don't know at all), I'm willing to risk a little hell, for their benefit and mine.
April 1, 2017
Resolution update: March 2017
1. Don’t die.
Still alive and kicking.
2. Lose 20 pounds.
I lost four more pounds in March, bringing the total loss to nine pounds.
Well ahead of schedule, thanks to consistent exercise, careful eating, and little time for lunch.
3. Do at least 100 push-ups and 100 sit-ups five days a week.
Done.
4. Practice yoga at least three days a week for at least 15 minutes each day.
No progress.
5. Take the stairs whenever I am ascending or descending five flights or less.
Done.
WRITING CAREER6. Complete my sixth novel before the end of 2017.
Work continues in earnest. Due date in July.
7. Complete my first middle grade/YA novel.
SOLD! Work now begins in earnest. Due date is December.
8. Write at least three new picture books, including one with a female, non-white protagonist.
Many ideas, but no progress as of yet.
9. Complete a book on storytelling.
Work continues in earnest. Due date in July.
10. Write a new screenplay.
No progress.
11. Write a musical.
No progress.
12. Submit at least five Op-Ed pieces to The New York Times for consideration.
I have submitted one piece to the Times so far in 2017.
No luck.
13. Write a proposal for a nonfiction book related to education.
I'm taking notes on one idea as the school year progresses, and I have several other ideas that I am expanding into paragraph summaries. Work on this will likely commence at the end of the school year.
14. Submit one or more short stories to at least three publishing outlets.
No progress.
15. Select three behaviors that I am opposed to and adopt them for one week, then write about my experiences on the blog.
On the suggestion of a reader:
I will spend April praying to God at least once a day. As you may know, I'm a reluctant atheist, so I haven't prayed in a very long time. But I'm willing to give it a shot and see what happens.
16. Increase my author newsletter subscriber base to 1,600.
I grew my list by 33 subscribers in March (and 99 overall this year). Total subscribers now stands at 1,383. If I continue at this pace, I will exceed 1,600 by the end of the year.
17. Write at least six letters to my father.
I received a letter from my father in February. I am still writing a response.
18. Convert Greetings Little One into a book.
No progress.
19. Record one thing learned every day in 2017.
Done! My favorite thing learned in March is this:
The 1969 NASA mission that landed the first two humans on the moon - the average age of NASA employees in the control room throughout the launch and landing was just 28 years old.
STORYTELLING20. Produce a total of 12 Speak Up storytelling events.
We produced one show in March: A showcase in conjunction with Unified Theater that featured students, parents, and staffers working with the organization. They performed brilliantly.
This brings our total number of Speak Up shows in 2017 to six.
21. Deliver a TED Talk.
I will be speaking at a TEDx conference in April.
22. Attend at least 15 Moth events with the intention of telling a story.
I attended one Moth StorySLAM in Boston in March, bringing my yearly total to four.
23. Win at least three Moth StorySLAMs.
I won a Moth StorySLAM in Boston in March. This is my first win of 2017.
24. Win a Moth GrandSLAM.
It looks like my next Moth GrandSLAM will be in July.
25. Produce at least 50 episodes of my new podcast Live Better.
I pulled down my first episode after receiving feedback from a friend who works in radio. I'm currently re-recording with a slightly different format.
To be honest, my biggest problem is that I cannot find a moment of quiet in my home to record.
26. Perform stand up at least once in 2016.
A local stand up venue has invited me to perform. I'm getting my material ready. I plan to perform this summer. I will likely perform in New York with a friend as well.
27. Write a one-person show.
The "writing" for this show is nearly complete.
A local theater is interested in having me perform. I'll be meeting with the director in April.
NEW PROJECTS28. Explore the option of teaching a college class.
No progress.
29. Cook at least 12 good meals (averaging one per month) in 2016.
No progress.
30. Plan a 25 year reunion of the Heavy Metal Playhouse.
No progress.
MISCELLANEOUS31. I will stand in vocal opposition to every negative comment made about age disparities between male and female romantic couplings because I choose to respect a woman’s choices of romantic partner regardless of their age or the age of their partner.
No opportunities to vocally oppose in March.
32. I will report on the content of speech during every locker room experience via social media in 2017.
Done.
Not surprising, I heard no man bragging about sexually assaulting women in any locker rooms (or anywhere else for that matter) in March.
33. I will stop presenting the heteronormative mother-and-father paradigm as the default parental paradigm when speaking to my children and my students.
Done. Not as hard as I thought. I switched over to "parents" in January and haven't slipped yet.
34. I will not comment, positively or negatively, about physical appearance of any person save my wife and children, in 2017 in an effort to reduce the focus on physical appearance in our culture overall.
Done. No close calls in March. No desire at all to comment on physical appearance.
I'm considering adding my mother-in-law, father-in-law, and grandmother-in-law to my permitted list. If my mom was alive, I would likely comment positively on her appearance. These people are similar enough to consider it.
35. Surprise Elysha at least six times in 2016.
I brought home flowers for Elysha for no reason other than I thought she might like some flowers.
Not exactly original but still a surprise.
Two surprises so far in 2017.
36. Replace the 12 ancient, energy-inefficient windows in our home with new windows that will keep the cold out and actually open in the warmer months.
No progress. I can feel the heat creeping out of the windows by the second.
37. Optimize our television for a streaming service.
We upgraded our cable television interface to a voice activated, much more intuitive system that may fit the requirements of a streaming service. This upgrade is tremendous. Credit Elysha for the upgrade as well as the reduction in our cable/Internet bill as well.
38. Set a new personal best in golf.
No progress until the snow goes away.
39. Play poker at least six times in 2016.
No progress.
40. Spend at least six days with my best friend of more than 25 years.
No progress.
41. Post my progress in terms of these resolutions on this blog on the first day of every month.
Done!
March 31, 2017
Simplify your life. Just love everyone. Even if you're a bigot.
I love this sentiment. Even as a reluctant atheist, I love it.
Not only would it make the world a much kinder place, but if you believe that Jesus was the Son of God (or even just a solid guy), the message on this church sign also adheres to one of his clearest and most repeated messages, stated most simply in Matthew 22:39:
"Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself."
Take solace, bigots. If you think that same sex marriage is an abomination, or if you think transgender children should be forced into restrooms that make them uncomfortable, or if you believe that African Americans or Mexicans or the Irish (shout-out to old school racists) are sub-human, why not just leave everyone alone and trust in God to deal with these people in Heaven?
Eat some ice cream. Take a walk. Adopt a cat. Learn to play pinocle. Do something for yourself with the full knowledge that these terrible, rotten, no good, very bad people will be punished for eternity by someone more powerful than you.
Just love everyone. It'll allow you to remain a bigot but will also allow you to enjoy your life a little more and shout a lot less.
March 30, 2017
When is complaining acceptable?
First, a fact:
People do not like to listen to other people complain. This seems like a fairly obvious statement, yet I hear people complaining constantly.
I try not to complain. I aggressively try not to complain. I am a bit of a complain-avoidance machine. Part of it is an awareness of how complaints are generally received.
Another part is simply perspective:
When you've been homeless, hopeless, hungry, and facing a trial for a crime you did not commit, a lot of problems don't seem so big a deal anymore.
This doesn't mean that there is no room for complaints in the world. Complaining is a legitimate form of communication and can be an effective agent of change. But in order to effectively complain, I complete this simple calculation before doing so:
If my complaint has the potential of yielding an actual and desirable result that is worth the risk of being labeled as a complainer, then I complain.
For example:
My waiter fails to bring your soup?
I complain. I'll get soup.
My colleague leaves his dirty dishes in the sink every day?
I complain. His slovenly behavior is worse than any complaining I might do.
But If my complaint will not result in meaningful change (which is the case for the vast majority of complaints) or will result in change so infinitesimal that it's not worth the risk of being labeled as a complainer, I do not complain.
For example:
My boss says something that hurts my feelings?
Much more complicated than a bowl of missing soup or dirty dishes in a sink. Here are some questions that I ask myself:
Is this a pattern of behavior or a singular event?Will the complaint be received well?Have I complained about something similar before? If so, what was the result?Have I waited a sufficient period of time (at least three days) to cool down before complaining?If complaining seems to get me nowhere and may ultimately damage my brand, I say nothing.
We have a choice to make when we open our mouths. I sometimes think that some people fail to realize this. Things can go unsaid. Sometimes it's better to simply move on. The desire to "get things off your chest" should not supersede your desire to be seen as a problem solver.
It's almost always better to be perceived as a problem solver than a problem speaker.
This is not to say that I should go into the kitchen and get my own soup. This is not to say that I need to ignore my colleague's dirty dishes. There are moments when complaining is completely appropriate.
This is also not to say that I can't share your complaint with my wife or a friend at the end of the day. Though I may not lodge a complaint with the offending party, there is nothing wrong with sharing the story with someone willing to listen.
But when in doubt, not complaining is always preferable to complaining.
Every time we speak, we alter our reputation and brand in the minds of others. The alteration may be minuscule each time, but we speak a lot. It adds up. It adds up quickly. If you're not thinking about this when you do something as universally unpalatable as complaining, you're making an enormous mistake.
March 29, 2017
My less-than-private, not-so-well-appointed office
The New York Times ran a piece a few years ago that featured 25 "writers' rooms."
Spaces where writers did their work. Here are a few:
That same year, The Hartford Courant did a feature on me that included my writing space, which was and still is the end of the dining room table.
Not much has changed since then.
I'm still on the end of the dining room table. Charlie is much larger now and more mobile, making him even more capable of distracting me with pleas to build railroad tracks, wrestle, or play "Star Whores." I've migrated from Windows to Mac. The bottom shelf of my bookcase is now filled with games and puzzles.
But that's about it. Unless I leave the house to write in the library or McDonald's, I sit in the center of my home, head down, oftentimes with headphones blaring rock 'n roll to drown out the noise.
Those lovely, well lit, perfectly appointed writers' spaces featured in the New York Times?
I wish I could say I don't need a space of my own to work, but in truth, I want one so badly.
I dream of the day when I can have a door to close off the rest of the world. A simple door that would allow me to focus and concentrate on the work and not on the 10,000 other things going on around me.
Until then, I get by.
I wake up at 4:30 so I can have a couple hours of silence.
I hunker with headphones and mental blinders and write.
I sit in quiet libraries and white-noise filled McDonald's and any other place I can find and work like hell so I can get home.
But someday, maybe, I will simply shut a door in my home and work like those writers featured in the New York Times.
Won't that be a blessed day indeed.
March 28, 2017
Moments like this make me think that perhaps there's a higher power after all
Watch to the end. YOU MUST WATCH TO THE END.
