Matthew Dicks's Blog, page 129

Jeans are fine, dummy

I know people whose employers allow them to wear jeans on specific days if they make a donation to a charitable organization.

These employers, I think, are quite dumb.

If we look at the issue of jeans objectively, reasonably, and absent the stupidity of conformity or tradition, you’d have to ask:

What exactly makes my jeans any different from the khakis, corduroys, chinos, trousers, or the dress slacks that also adorn people’s lower torsos?

Is it the denim? Is the material created by Levi Strauss many years ago so clearly unprofessional in its blueness or elasticity or durability that it can’t be worn in a professional setting without the offer of a charitable contribution? Is denim so uncouth or unkempt that employees wearing jeans are incapable of appearing professional to potential customers and clients?

It’s just a fabric. Right? Objectively, is there anything that about the properties of this fabric that make it any less appropriate for work than any other?

Or is it the fact that those long haired, rock-and-roll types are wearing jeans as they shake their asses onstage and play their electric guitars, and as a result, the wearing of jeans automatically confers the sense moral degradation and societal breakdown?

That may have been true in the 1960’s when old people thought these stupid things, but I don’t think this perception applies today.

Is it perhaps the rivets? The stone-washed texture? The way that denim encapsulates a person’s ass or thighs?

Or is it simply because James Dean popularized jeans in the movie Rebel Without a Cause, and as a result, wearing jeans became a symbol of youthful rebellion during the 1950s, and that reputation has remained in place ever since?

I think it’s probably that, because objectively, there is little difference between the jeans and the dress pants and khaki pants and corduroy slacks that I wear.

In fact, there’s nothing objectively different between denim and any other fabric. It’s all in your damn mind.

I suspect that the only thing keeping people from wearing jeans every day at the workplace are the old people in charge who are stuck on tradition and conformity and unwilling to examine their world through an objective, logical, and clear lens.

Also the tragic conformists. The rules followers. The lemmings. The cowards who would rather perpetuate some misinformed, illogical, nonsensical stereotype about a fabric and the people who choose to wear it rather than standing for what is right and logical and sensible.

Happily, I’m not confined by a dress code. I wear jeans whenever I want. Not everyday. Not even most days. But whenever I feel the need. While I should not look slovenly as a teacher, I also recognize that the only difference between denim and every other type of fabric is in the eye of the fussy, foolish beholder.

Besides, if you can give a dollar to the ASPCA on Fridays to wear jeans, isn’t that acknowledgement enough that jeans aren’t so bad after all?

If I give $2, can I wear gym shorts?

If I give $3, can I wear flip-flops?

If I give $20, can I wear a tube top?

Probably not. But jeans? Yes, a small donation somehow makes them palatable because they were always palatable.

If I had a boss who was asinine enough to order me to stop wearing jeans, I think I might seriously consider wearing skirts on occasion. I’d love to see one of these tradition-embracing, norm-entrapped supervisors contend with the fact that instead of seeing me in jeans, they would instead be subjected to my legs in a floral skirt that just touches my knees.

Maybe a pair of pantyhose, too. You know, to complete the look.

The hero of my dream

I had a home invasion dream last night. Two men and a woman broke into my home, which wasn’t really my home but some large, well appointed apartment purporting to be my home.

I called the police but could not get them to respond.

So I called my friend, Shep.Shep is my longtime friend, Patriots season ticket seatmate, and the writer of the afterword of my next book, Someday Is Today.So perfectly equipped to take on a team of bad guys.When he arrived, Shep and I kicked ass. Got rid of the bad guys with ease. Defeated them handily.Once the home was clear of bad guys, I immediately got upset with Shep for helping the bad guys.“I didn’t help them,” Shep said. “I helped you. This is a dream. You’re just mixing things up. Dreams are slippery that way.”“You’re right!” I said. “I’m dreaming. Thanks for helping.”“I didn’t really help,” he said. “You were never really in trouble, because it’s a dream. and I’m not Shep. I’m just your mind’s version of Shep.”“Right.”Then I woke up. It was earlier than I had planned to begin my day, but once I wake up naturally, I’m never foolish enough to fall back into another sleep cycle, only to be startled awake by the alarm 40 minutes later.Very bad for you. Perfect way to start the day bleary-eyed and befuddled and still tired.But credit to Shep, who really crushed it last night.

A much appreciated gift for the future

Advice I’ve been giving parents of young children:

Purchase your children’s domain names ASAP.

When my kids were born, I purchased claradicks.com and charliedicks.com. I’ve also purchased elyshadicks.com and the many variations of my own name.

I’ve also been known to purchase the domain names of friends and the children of friends as gifts.

When it comes to your children, there is a good chance that someday, far in the future, they will be thrilled to own their own domain name. It might take two decades or more for the investment to pay off, but when it happens, it’ll be worth it.

In all things, play the long game.

Also, purchasing their domain names will prevent anyone from nefariously purchasing their domain name to create problems for them in the future.

It’s also relatively inexpensive. You’ll probably pay about $10 per year, but it’s even cheaper when you pay for multiple years at a time.

As an added bonus, try to get your child’s name as a gmail account, too. It looks like gmail is here to stay. Both of my kids have their names as gmail accounts, as do do Elysha and I.

Very convenient.

If your child’s domain name has already been taken, try including their middle name, their middle initial, or some other sensible variation of their name.

They will be just as thankful in the future.

And if you really want to make them happy, maybe throw in a copy of Storyworthy or Memoirs of an Imaginary Friend or Something Missing, too. Or maybe just purchase all seven of my books, plus you can preorder of Someday Is Today, publishing on June 7, wherever you get books.

Really make the gift of a domain name sing with some fine literature.

Students aren’t my friends?

When speaking to my class as a whole, I offer refer to them as “friends.”

My former colleague, Donna Gosk, suggested it as a replacement to “boys and girls” long ago.

Recently (and occasionally over the years) I have been told by various people that my students aren’t my friends.

I never argue the point, because I can only assume the person making this assertion is a deeply unhappy and troubled soul.

An uninformed fool.

Kind of an idiot.

Not my friends? Admittedly, the friendship I share with my students is different than the friendship I share with Elysha or one of my adult friends, but not my friends?

How ridiculous.

I spend seven hours a day with these human beings for nearly a full calendar year. I might spend more time with my students on most days than members of my immediate family. I know most of my students as well as many of the friends in my life. They change my life in deep and profound ways. They live in my heart and mind long after they have stepped out of my classroom.

Not my friends?

What a stupid thought.

Just this week, eight of my former students have contacted me, to say hello, ask to visit, or request a favor, ranging in age from high school student to college student to post-college. Admittedly it’s been a busy week as former students go, but still, it happened.

I’ve taken former students – now adults – to Moth StorySLAMs in New York and Boston. Celebrated holidays with their families. Played golf with them. Enjoyed meals with them. Text with some – again, now adults – regularly.

Many former students pass in and out of my life – as friends sometimes do – but others remain in my life for years.

Earlier this year, I received this email from a former student:

Good Morning!

I just wanted to say happy late Hanukkah to you and your family!And I hope you have been having a great year!Only 71 days till your birthday!– RileyThis kid might know me better than some of the friends I see every week.Not my friend?Give me a break.

Elysha is a zagger

I’ve often argued that Elysha is a nonconformist of the highest order.

And it’s true. There are lots of evidence of this fact, but the ultimate proof is me.

She married me.

No one could have ever predicted it. Case in point:

Our first real date took place on Sunday, March 31, 2003, so when I came to work the next day, I told my principal, Plato, that I was dating Elysha. As my boss, I thought he should know.

He thought it was an April Fool’s Day joke.

“Like Elysha Green would ever date Matthew Dicks,” he called out as he turned his back on me and walked away. “I’m not stupid, Matt. I know it’s April Fool’s Day!”

“It’s true!” I insisted. “No joke!”

“Sure, Matt,” he said, still walking away. “Elysha Green is dating Matthew Dicks. Ha. Ha.”

It took me more than a week to convince him that it was true. Our union was that unlikely.

But a little more than three years later, the person who didn’t believe it possible that Elysha Green would ever date the likes of me would officiate our wedding.

I’ve always been a fan of April Fool’s Day, but this little nugget has always made the day extra special for me.

Give me some unsolicited advice

I was in New Haven last night, performing onstage for the first time in a long time. As part of the International of Arts & Ideas, I competed in a story slam alongside six other storytellers, most of whom I knew well.

When my friend finished telling her story, I offered her a couple notes on how to make the story better. She didn’t ask me for the advice, but I offered it nonetheless.

A little while later, after I had finished my story, she offered me a note, too. I did not ask for her opinion, but I was more than willing to listen.

Later, after a storyteller who I don’t know well finished, I leaned over to my friend and said, I have a good idea on how to make that story better, but I should probably just keep my mouth shut.

She agreed.

It wasn’t because the storyteller was especially reticent or combative. It’s just hard to offer unsolicited advice because people don’t often respond well to unsolicited advice, particularly from those they don’t know well, but oftentimes from close friends and family members, too.

I don’t understand why. Unsolicited advice represents an opportunity for insight that can be easily accepted or rejected. There is no obligation to immediately incorporate or adapt to someone’s advice.

As the phrase goes, take it or leave it.

When I offered advice to my friend on her story, she smiled and nodded, but she need not apply my advice to her story. The same holds true for me. I think her advice to me was good, and I likely revise my story for the next telling, but who knows? Maybe I’ll ultimately decide that I like my version better.

Either way, I was happy for her thoughts.

Perhaps unsolicited advice represents criticism to some. If you tell me that my backswing is too quick or I should consider dressing more professionally for work o

 

Leaded gasoline made Americans stupid

Exposure to leaded gasoline lowered the IQ of about half the population of the United States, a new study estimates.

The peer-reviewed study, published in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, focuses on people born before 1996 — the year the U.S. banned gas containing lead. Overall, the researchers found childhood lead exposure cost America an estimated 2.6 points of IQ per person on average.

Certain cohorts were more affected than others. For people born in the 1960s and the 1970s, when leaded gas consumption was skyrocketing, the IQ loss was estimated in some cases to be more than 7 points.

Given that the average IQ is 100, 7 points is a considerable number, which you probably knew already if you were born after 1996.

Eliminating leaded gasoline was the work of the Environmental Protection Agency, an agency of the US government originally created during Nixon’s administration but often maligned and underfunded by Republican lawmakers today who want to turn a blind eye to pollution on behalf of corporate profits.

In fact, one of Trump’s first acts in office was to overturn a regulation that restricted coal companies from dumping mining waste – including poisons like mercury and lead – into streams and waterways. This would normally be the act of a poorly written Bond villain or Dr. Evil but instead was done by Trump and the Republicans in Congress in order to allow coal companies to increase profits.

You can’t make this stuff up.

When we allow corporate America to pollute our country, bad things happen. In the case of leaded gasoline, Americans actually get dumber. It’s why we must relentlessly support agencies like the EPA. Without it, companies would willfully poison Americans if it meant more money in their pockets.

But there’s good news in this study, too:

At least now have scientific evidence to explain the Capitol insurrectionists, kale enthusiasts, Tucker Carlson, the New York Jets, and Steely Dan fans.

Pandemic Polarization

This video is 15 minutes long, which can be an eternity on the internet, but it’s well worth your time.

It’s a fascinating look at how the polarization of the country relative to the pandemic took place and the devastating impact on American lives.

I have one million things to say every day, so to give even a single day to a video instead of my wit and wisdom and occasionally stupidity is saying something.

You really should watch.

Unless you’re a close-minded, conspiracy inclined, radicalized right wing zealot. In that case, don’t waste your time.

 

Resolution update: March 2022

Every month I report the progress of my yearly goals in order to monitor progress (or the lack thereof) and hold myself accountable.  The following are the result from March 2022.PERSONAL FITNESS

1. Don’t die.

So alive.

2. Lose 20 pounds.

I remain one pound down in 2022.

3. Do at least 100 push-ups, 100 sit-ups, and 3 one-minute planks for five days a week.

I resumed sit-ups, push-ups, and planks last week. After a nearly five month hiatus, it wasn’t easy.

I also had a push up contest with my students last week. We did 30 before my competitor and I called a truce.

She’s a swimmer, so she’s sneaky strong. We have a rematch set for the end of April, so now I have a goal.

4. Cycle for at least 5 days every week. 

I rode the bike on 29 of 31 days in March.

5. Establish my golfing handicap, then lower that handicap by at least 2. 

Handicap established. After playing 81 holes of golf in Bermuda, my handicap is a whopping 35.4.

Too cold to play in Connecticut in March.

WRITING CAREER

6. Complete my seventh novel.

“Someday is Today” is complete. It hits bookstores on June 7.

I’ve submitted my golf memoir to my agent for consideration.

I’ve begun the process of getting my first middle grade novel into shape for publication while tinkering with my next adult novel.

Between the middle grade novel and the new adult novel, one should be completed, I hope.

7. Prepare “Storyworthy 2” or update “Storyworthy” or both for potential sale. 

Done! And great news! “Storyworthy 2,” now titled “You Are Storyworthy” is a go. My editor and agent will hammer out the details, but my editor loves the idea and has agreed to publish.

We’ll also do a re-release of “Storyworthy” with lots of new content in 2023 or 2024 depending on publishing scheduled.

8. Write/complete at least three new picture books, including one with a female, non-white protagonist, and one protagonist who is not neurotypical.

I continue work on a new picture book entitled “Hug a Fish.” I’m creating the actual book alongside my students, who are also creating their own.

I’m also working on a partially written manuscript from 2021 entitled “Who Put the Baby in a Tree?”

9. Complete a memoir.

I have two memoirs in progress:

One about the two year period when I was arrested, jailed, and tried for a crime I did not commit, which also led to homelessness then a pantry off a kitchen that I shared with a goat. I was also the victim of a horrific robbery at that time that left me with a lifetime of PTSD amongst other awfulness.

Also participation in an underground arm wrestling and gambling ring.

The second is about the two year period in which a lowly band of anonymous cowards attempted to destroy my teaching career.

I think I’ve decided to focus on this one. Writing it will also help inform the musical that my writing partner and I are working on.

I wrote another 15,000 words in March. Solid progress.

10. Write a new screenplay.

No progress.

11. Write a solo show.

No progress.

12. Write a musical.

Outline (written on the way home from a Moth StorySLAM) received from my writing partner, Kaia. We are involved in another project at the moment, so we have to hold off for a bit.

13. Submit at least five Op-Ed pieces to The New York Times for consideration.

One essay submitted and rejected in March.

Two so far in 2022.

14. Write at least four letters to my father.

No progress.

15. Write 100 letters in 2022.

A total of 19 letters written in March, including letters of recommendation, letters to students, a letter thanking my doctor, a letter to my former boss at McDonald’s, a letter to the Superintendent who terminated a teacher for reading “I Need a New Butt!” and more.

A total of 20 letters written in 2020 so far.

16. Convert 365 Days of Elysha into a book.

I’ve passed this project onto my production manager, but she’s busy with other things at the moment.

17. Read at least 12 books. 

I finished “Liar’s Poker” by Michael Lewis and “Matrix” by Lauren Groff in March.

My list of completed books now includes:

“The Passion Economy”
“Empire of Pain”
“The Anthropocene Reviewed”
“Liar’s Poker”
“Matrix”

18. Write to at least six authors about a book that I especially like. 

No progress.

STORYTELLING/SPEAKING CAREER

19. Complete the recordings for my new business for at least two target consumers. 

Recording for the first set of target consumers (corporate folk) is done. I may need to record a video or two as the modules are assembled, to fill in some gaps, but two days and 20 hours spent in a recording studio have paid off well. My production manager is now editing them all.

Once we launch, I will begin recording videos for our next target customer.

I’m also purchasing a whisper room, which is a pre-fab recording studio for the basement. This will eliminate my struggles with the noise and interruptions of children, the wind, the neighbor’s dog, our cats, and doorbells.

20. Engage with LinkedIn at least once per week.

Success, though still fairly easy. I received more than a dozen direct messages in March and responded to each of them.

21. Produce a total of 6 Speak Up storytelling events.

We produced a virtual show in March in collaboration with my school on March 19. This was our first of the year.

We have a live, outdoor show scheduled on July 13 in partnership with the Hill-stead Museum.

We’ll be scheduling additional shows soon. Venues are ready and willing for us to return.

22. Pitch myself to at least 3 upcoming TEDx events with the hopes of being accepted by one.

No progress.

I am speaking at TEDxCornell in April.

23. Attend at least 6 Moth events with the intention of telling a story.

I attended one Moth StorySLAM in March, at Arts at the Armory in Somerville, MA. My name did not get chosen from the hat.

Two Moth events so far in 2022.

24. Win at least one Moth StorySLAM.

DONE! I won the February StorySLAM in New York. I’m on a roll. Four StorySLAM victories in a row!

25. Win a Moth GrandSLAM.

I’ll be competing in a Moth GrandSLAM at The Wilbur in Boston at the end of April.

26. Produce at least 12 episodes of our podcast Speak Up Storytelling.

Recording was going to commence in February and March. The recording of the audiobook of SOMEDAY IS TODAY replaced our podcasting time for a while. I hope to finish that narration job this weekend.

27. Convert my YouTube channel into an actual channel. 

Progress! My production manager has begun to structure and re-design the channel, and I’ve been accumulating content for release. I’m also been curating the content, removing material that is no longer relevant.

28. Perform stand-up at least 3 times in 2022.

I have a list of open mics that are currently running in Connecticut. More than enough to resume. This will likely be a summer goal.

29. Pitch a story to This American Life.

No progress.

30. Pitch myself to Marc Maron’s WTF podcast at least three times.

No progress.

31. Send a newsletter to readers at least 25 times (every other week). 

Five newsletters sent in March, primarily because of the pre-launch of SOMEDAY IS TODAY and our March show.

A total of 7 sent so far in 2022.

HOME

32. Clear the basement.

The job is about 80% complete. Huge progress. The basement is officially organized. I need to eliminate many, many things from the basement now, which may require a dumpster.

I also cleaned the garage in March. Another huge job now complete.

33. Organize the children’s books.

Books have been removed from the kids’ bedrooms and remain divided into three bins:

Keep in rotation for kids/studentsStore for future grandchildrenGive away to those in need

I’ve been slowly emptying the giveaway bin.

FAMILY/FRIENDS

34. Text or call brother or sister once per month. 

Done.

35. Take at least one photo of my children every day.

Done.

36. Take at least one photo with Elysha and myself each week.

No photos taken of just Elysha and me in January, February, or March.

I’m still a giant failure, particularly given that Elysha is so damn pretty.

A friend gave me a solution to this problem which is excellent. I have yet to actually do it.

37. Plan a reunion of the Heavy Metal Playhouse.

No progress.

38. I will not comment, positively or negatively, about physical appearance of any person save my wife and children, in 2022 in an effort to reduce the focus on physical appearance in our culture overall.

Done. I learned that two of my students have now adopted this policy.

39. Compliment one person every day on a topic unrelated to physical appearance. 

This turns out to be easier than I thought, at least as long as I’m teaching. I constantly give my students positive feedback, and I compliment my own children and Elysha quite a bit.

In addition to these compliments, I also complimented a neighbor, several colleagues, two servers, and three storytellers at a Moth StorySLAM.

40. Surprise Elysha at least six times in 2022.

No surprised in March.

Surprises in 2020 include:

A well timed Starbucks caramel macchiatoThe latest Pusheen Club box, filled with an assortment of movie-themed Pusheen gifts.A complete set of Smith College china

That’s three surprises so far in 2022.

41. Play poker at least six times in 2022.

Our March game was cancelled due to a lack of players.

Two in total in 2022.

42. Spend at least six days with my best friend of more than 30 years.

No progress. We have spoken and texted but not yet gotten together.

NEW PROJECTS

43. Create an emergency preparedness kit for each car.

No progress.

44. Memorize the lyrics to at least 5 favorite songs. 

I’m still working on “Come on Eileen” by Dexy’s Midnight Runners and Queen’s “Fat Bottomed Girls.”

45. Learn to play the piano by practicing at least three times a week. 

Done.

46. Convert our wedding video to a transferable format.

Another task passed off to my production manager, who has been working on it.

47. Memorize 5 new poems.

I considered memorizing “Casey at the Bat” or “The Charge of the Light Brigade,” and I may still try one or both, but they are long, and I wanted one a little shorter to start, so I’m still working on “I’m Nobody! Who Are You?” by Emily Dickinson.

I also made a list of poems that I’ve committed to memory, to ensure they remain committed to memory through occasional practice.

48. Write to at least 3 colleges about why they should hire me.

No progress.

49. Understand Instagram better.

Progress! My intern and I has a conversation, where she taught me about Instagram Stories and Reels. Huzzah!

I suspect that there is more to know, but who better to teach me than a high school senior?

50. Complete my Eagle Scout project.

I started plotting the completion of this task in February.

Last month I complained that it brought back feelings of disappointment and regret that annoyed the hell out of me. I missed out on becoming an Eagle Scout – a childhood dream – because of a near-fatal car accident and the Boy Scouts of America’s unwillingness to grant me an extension, but someone pointed out to me that perhaps my parents didn’t play the role needed at the time to be awarded that extension.

Entirely possible. When you never mention the word “college” to a child even once in his entire life, perhaps Eagle Scout extensions aren’t a priority, either.

I’ve wondered: Did they even put forth my request?

Less than five months after that desired extension, I was kicked out of my home forever. Maybe that request was never made.

This may not be the fault of the Boy Scouts after all, which makes me even sadder.

51. Post my progress in terms of these resolutions on this blog and social media on the first day of every month.

Done.

Okay, one more thing…

One more thing about Will Smith’s assault on Chris Rock at the Oscars:

Over the past couple days, I’ve heard people posit aloud and online that Rock’s response could’ve been more nuanced that night.

He could’ve taken a moment to apologize to Jada Pinkett Smith.

He could’ve denounced violence of any kind.

He could’ve provided a better reset for the event.

I suspect that the people suggesting these things have never been hit in the face.

As someone who has been punched in the face more times than he can remember, I can report that being hit the face is not fun. It’s disorienting, especially if you don’t know it’s coming, which was the case with Chris Rock. It’s oftentimes painful and can sometimes be confusing and panic-inducing and rage inducing.

You also immediately wonder if damage has been done. Am I bleeding? Are my teeth okay? Is something broken? Because you can’t actually see your face, you worry that something might be seriously wrong.

Stephen Colbert, who has been hit in the face at least once, was trying to explain this to Chris Wallace during an interview. He said, “Have you ever been punched in the face? It’s not pleasant. It’s terrible. Completely disorienting. I’m surprise Chris Rock remembered the English language.”

Colbert is not wrong.

And remember, Rock was on onstage, on live television, being watched by millions. No one has ever found themselves in that scenario before.

Mike Tyson famously said, “Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the mouth.”

In this case, I think some people are criticizing Chris Rock’s plan because they’ve never been punched in the mouth before.

In a perfect world, Chris Rock could’ve done more, beginning with refraining from that stupid, unamusing, hurtful joke. But the world gets is decidedly less perfect immediately after you’ve been hit in the face, and particularly when the person hitting you has about 6 inches and probably 20 pounds on you.

Given this set of circumstances, I think Rock respond to Will Smith’s act of violence and cowardice quite brilliantly.