Chris Braak's Blog, page 39

The Sea of I

"As above, so below," is a thing they said in olden times, and what this does not mean is that the stars control our destinies, nor that small actions taken here can have some vast cosmic impact out there (up above). What it does mean is that the laws that govern stars are the same [...]

My Riches Go To 11

You guys know the term "fuck you money," right? For those of you who don't, it's the amount of money required to be able to turn down anything you don't want to do – and presumably, be so rich you don't even have to turn it down politely. It is, in other words, The Goal. [...]

A Serious Question About Technology

Why hasn't Verizon or Google or someone already paid William Daniels fifteen million dollars to be the voice of all the technology?  Technology in general, but especially technology in your car? I mean, for real, why did they hire that boring lady to be the voice of Maps instead of WILLIAM DANIELS? Filed under: Braak

British Superheroes

While searching for a bowler hat (to complement the unbreakable COMBAT UMBRELLA that I am totally getting), I decided that there should be a British superhero called the Civil Servant.  He would be like the Question (i.e., without a face), only he'd have a bowler hat and a pinstripe suit, and would fight with AN [...]

On Jacqueline Howett

Maybe you've heard of this crazy lady who responded very poorly to a review of her book.  Maybe you haven't.  If you haven't, here's the upshot:  some people are crazy and respond poorly to negative reviews.  !!! I know, right? If you have heard about it, and you've responded to it with anything other than [...]

Braak's Rules for Writing

Some time ago, the Guardian, in celebration of something or other, asked a bunch of writers what their ten rules for writing were.  This inspired me to write my own. Incidentally, one of Jonathan Franzen's rules is "It's doubtful that anyone with an internet connection at his workplace is writing good fiction."  So, fuck you [...]

Life Is Strange

Life is a strange thing because imagine, if you will, that you did a thing as though you felt you were born to it.  Like, literally born to it.  As though you began it when you were in the womb, and you inherited a family tradition of working on it, and you'd been doing this [...]

Superman vs. Batman: Who's Better At Managing His Finances?

Poor DC Comics. All it wanted to do was host a discussion thread on who was faster, Superman or Flash. Y'know, like the old days of hanging around comics shops and getting into arguments with fat ugly strangers you're pretty sure you're better and smarter than. But with the helpful veil of anonymity and complete [...]

I Don't Understand This Being Human Show

I mean, I understand it in the sense that, "A ghost, a vampire, and a werewolf share an apartment, what's not to understand?" What I don't understand is why anybody would make it. The original, okay, maybe, but the American remake on SyFy, I don't know that I get it. If this were a Doctor [...]

Is Sucker Punch the Most Brilliant Sociological Experiment of Our Time?

When Zack Snyder made Watchmen, and decided to make it as close to a shot-for-shot adaptation of the comic book as possible, I praised him for it and, I think RIGHTLY SO. If we believe the story, and I figure we may as well, Snyder initially passed on the movie, considering it impossible to adapt; [...]