Aaron M. Patterson's Blog, page 13

CHAPTER TWELVE: Attack of the Christmas crazies!

It seems that every year as we come upon this holiday season some weird kind of thing happens. Last year it was the big fight over the wording... should we wish people a merry Christmas or say happy holiday's? Will our greeting offend someone? What if by talking to someone and saying happy anything drives them to yank out a shotgun and blow you away based on you and your greeting?

And I thought we had freedom... oh, wait, that was three years ago.

We just came out of the Thanksgiving thing... it once was a day where we stuffed our faces and thanked God for all the food and slept in after the game. The Black Friday came into play and this year they now have the whole weekend for shopping and made a one day thing into three! Really? What is that about? Do we really need three days to shop and get the deals? Do we need to exploit everything? I feel like I was taken by some big fat guy in a dark alley... I feel so dirty now, as if we are losing everything that makes us... well, U.S.

I think we skipped the marketing for Thanksgiving as well and jumped right into Christmas right after Halloween... Was this me or did anyone else notice this?

Anyway... I went into a store that will remain nameless... it had a wall and was a mart of sorts. I was going into this store and in the past there would be a bell ringer standing there with a Santa suit or smelling of cheap beer or maybe both. This time I was confronted by 4 of them.

Bells in hand and a leather jacket with a skull on the back and a pocket full of little Candy Cain's for my child. They did not ring the bell and smile and give you that stare... you know the one. The "Please give us some money you creep, do it or the Christmas spirit will come into your house this year and burn it down!" Yeah, that look. Well, the look was there but also the walking up to you and doing the sort of blocking the door shuffle and give the kid some candy thing...

I did not know what to do. I felt like I was being robbed by a biker gang! Was I supposed to give them some pocket change or my kid? We somehow made it past them as some other unsuspecting shopper was in view and they moved on.

4? Really, we need 4 of them at each door. Come on, you and I both know that I am not the only one that knows what side of the door they are standing. We leave the store with a basket full off food and gum and pass on the other side much like the Hebrew Priest in the Bible story.

We could do this dodge and don't make eye contact thing in years past, but now... it is like walking through a gang of excited cheerleaders as we try to get out to the football field. I do try to give something and the guilt I feel by the looks and the idea of standing out in the cold do make me want to help. Yet I feel that in the past I was giving out of desire and now I get my extra change snagged as I walk through the pack of Santa-suit-wearing bikers.

Soon it will be a mob of fifty people that sing and dance as they go around holding up cars in the parking-lot. When will it all end? When will we just blend all the holiday's together and tell everyone to have one big party and spend the life savings on a new Wii?

So as we go out this Christmas, remember... bring lots of change and leave the kids at home. Remember to keep all loose clothing tied down, don't wear a hat, or anything that can be taken as you walk by. We want you all to be safe out there, remember to think before you act. We don't want anyone to go missing this year...

I think I am going to skip Christmas and just do Festivus.

CHAPTER TWELVE: Forget everything you think you know.

Take this post not with a grain of salt but take it in all seriousness. I am here to help you, to let you know that what you may be doing is not working.

What do I mean?

If you take the amount of people who submit to publishing houses and the number of authors that get a deal, you might want to be sick. The small number that break into this market are happy for a short time as they soon realize that they may never make a living doing what they love.

I grow tired of well meaning authors or writers who tell people to keep it up, to never give up and drive these destructive activities to continue. Do you not care for the feelings of these poor masses that dream of a publishing deal? Is the writing on the wall so small that you cannot see what it says? Why would you do something that does not work over and over again and tell others to do the same and it never worked for you?

Is this not the definition of insanity? To do the same thing over and over again yet expect different results. I look and see, I shake my head at this madness. Yet I beat the air, I box the wind as even after all this, most still walk down the path of insanity.

Is this a case of self deception? Is it the pride of having that great big pat on the back that comes from a "Real Publisher?" Or is it the fear of having a dream realized and the fear of real success?

I wonder if we do this to ourselves and like the feeling of searching for a publisher and scared to really do it. We might not want to have a book published, why else would we keep doing what we know will not work? Why would we keep knocking on a door of a closed business? Do we really want to make 9% on our book? Do you think so little of your own writing? Are you in the business of giving your life blood work away so the big publishers can ride you to the end and drop you off dead and bleeding?

I may be harsh but it is because the message is not getting into your brain. It is rolling off like so much water off a ducks back. But what can I do but keep on shouting from the rooftops. I must, I have found a new and better way and can say with confidence that I am an author. I make a living writing and that is a sad state as much better selling books out there do not bring the same freedom to others in my craft.

What is your book worth? Are you worth it or do you want to work a side job like most authors in this world? I only ask because what you say does not match up with what you do. Why am I being such a jerk? Well, I keep saying, showing and doing but it is not getting through. What more can I do? Do I need to sell a million books before you see and understand? I am not saying this in arrogance but in the hopes to help you my friend.

I end this thought with a plea... Please stop the madness. Stop sending out query letters and publish your book. Believe in yourself enough to take your dream and run. This year as we see the end and a new one begin, break free from the circle of slavery and as Nike says, Just Do It!

CHAPTER TWELVE: I've fallen and I can't get up!

Snow and ice have hit our little town, and two days ago I walked through said snow to start my car. I do not like a cold car, thus letting it heat up seemed like a good idea.

As I turned to go to the mail box to put in the Netflix movie, I turned and all at once my right foot slipped right out from under me. It was a slow motion moment, my life flashed before my eyes and visions of a broken hip and the neighbor lady looking out the window at me, filled my head.

I wondered how this falling big body-235 lbs... down from 260-was going to feel to hit the hard street. Let me tell ya... it was not graceful or pretty.

I went down on my side and in the process I twisted my ankle. It hurt like a lot of cuss words, and I used a few of them as I hobbled toward the mail box to finish my task. I was not going to let a silly fall stop me from putting that movie into that box because I wanted to get the next one and waiting a day longer was not going to happen!

With each step I was beginning to understand my plight. This was not a small sprain and it could even be broken. But what was I to do? I felt like pulling out my red button that called the paramedics or clapping two times for my roller chair.

My ripe old age of 31 crashed down on me but I felt 60. Nothing makes you feel old like falling and hurting yourself over something so stupid. Who is the one always saying to Karissa and the kids... "Careful, it is slick."? Yes, me... Always the watchful one and I was caught with my hand in the cookie jar and standing with my pants down.

Later that day, I discovered the top of my foot was not doing good. The ankle was fine but something was going on with the rest of The Foot. I call it The Foot now as because of its lack of agility I no longer consider it a working member of my body. In fact I feel kind of betrayed by The Foot as it could have done a better job or at least put up a fight. But NO... It was asleep at the wheel and so I feel a time of reflection is in order, The Foot needs to know that this kind of thing is not acceptable.

The next day after a fight with The Foot I went to get The Foot adjusted by my chiropractor. If you want to know what that felt like... lets just say, the string of cuss words that were on my tongue at the time of the fall, returned. It was like hitting yourself with a hammer, waiting three days so the bruise was good and sore and hitting yourself in the same spot again.

I am still walking like a old man... 60 if you were wondering, and it hurts like... like... well I am sure you can gather what it feels like. I will suck it up as the Doc does not think it is broken. But I will whine and act like a old baby anyway. Why not? I fell on the ice, poor little foot couldn't take it... sleeping on the job... Anyway... careful, it is slick.

CHAPTER TWELVE: Almost there!

This blog is almost a year old. The end of this month will be one year of blogging and it was filled with rants and posts and things of note and some crash and burns. I look back at how it all started and wonder if this was a good idea or some weird thing I thought of after watching a movie.

My plan is to break this up and release it as a eBook called The Worst Book Ever. That way if I get a bad review and they think the book sucks I will only laugh and say, "Well duh, did you read the title?"

Not sure what posts will make the cut or how it will look but in all I think it will at least make some, high-on-the-stool-literary-minds have a little heartburn. Will it make me a bunch of money? I don't think so, but will it be a ton of fun? Oh yeah.

From eBooks to why seat-belts are overrated, to what I might think at 2 A.M. This may prove to really be the worst book ever and thus dethrone my other books from that wonderful title. Should someone pick up a copy they will be sure to get a laugh and at times good info.

Here is to the future and to one more month of insanity.

Will the blog go on? Yes, I think it will and in the next year we will need to think up another crazy thing to do... any ideas?

CHAPTER ELEVEN: Weekend update.

In other news, it is found that eating to much food may lead to obesity.

A man was found in his upstate New York home, dead. He was discovered by the maid who said he seemed like a nice guy but sure liked bread. Turns out that was what he ate, only bread for the last five years. Guess that saying is right, "man cannot live by bread alone."

This just in, a new craze to cover all inside walls with a thick layer of fur has taken the county by storm.

This black Friday five people were killed in the biggest shopping day of the year. All five of them froze to death waiting outside a 7/11 gas station in hopes to buy the new extra-super-big-gulp-mug that holds 2 gallons of soda pop. Turns out the mug will not be released until Christmas.

Speaking of the weather, freak ice storms took over the northern states and socked in parts of Chicago, Alabama and Texas.

That's right Bill, some cold front. This cold snap hit hard as President Obama spoke in Nevada about education. He said, and I quote: "For more geography in the year 2011." He left the Eastern state to head back to the White House for Festivus.

In entertainment news, Pop star "Pink" donated 18 Million dollars to "The Human Fund" in honor of the children. After all, isn't it all about the children?

Our health is said to be our greatest gift. But for some living healthy is now "un-cool." The CFCA (The Center For Cool Americans)conducted a poll and found that 87% of Americans feel that having some sort of rash, STD, eye or lip twitch or some other unappealing sickness, is now considered cool.

In other news, Justin Bieber in his new book, (Bieber not Beaver), the young star tells all and reveals that he is in fact gay. This did not shock most of his fans but the picture of a nasty rash on his arm did send some shock-waves through the music community.

Here is Andy with more on this story. Andy.

Thanks Marge. Justin Bieber or as I like to call him, JB Beaver, has officially come out of the closet. Yes, yes, we are not that impressed with this revelation but the rash I must say is not only shocking but down right a ploy to pull more little girl fans away from Jo-Jo (Joe Jonas). I know that it is now cool to have some sort of rash or eye or lip twitch but to get infected on purpose just to be cool is in my book, lame and so not cool. I mean, what kind of message is this sending all the little girl fans out there? Is it cool just because some boy voice signer dude does it? Where does this kind of show stealing end? I know the boy is just cute and kissable. He may be fuzzy and like a little big eyed kitten but a rash? Come on people! Jo-Jo would never stoop so low and to me he will always be #1 in my book. Jo-Jo is a classy and studly musical magical machine. He could sing circles around Beaver and rash or no rash he is way cooler.

Marge.

Thank you Andy, it is so sad how many of these young stars fall to the pressures of the industry. We can only hope that Jo-Jo can stay pure.

To top this update off and end the evening, we bring you the top story. You people out there might want to grab a seat, hold on and strap down because this is going to blow you away.

The directors of the hit series LOST have made a official announcement. They now under oath admit that they had no idea what they were doing and in fact made up the script each week in what they called a "Wing it" session. This stunning announcement took the country by storm and I for one was so upset that I burned my t-shirts, my LOST DVD collection, my LOST hats, mugs, floor rug, window decals, underwear, and bed spread. I was so mad i made my boyfriend repaint the car and take back my LOST decoder ring.

Thanks for being with us and we apologize for any hurt we may have caused by this news.

CHAPTER ELEVEN: STOP IT!

I care about writers and authors and in the end I hope to help them navigate the publishing waters. I stay up on the new trends and the way the publishing world is changing. I do all this because I want to help, to keep the frustration level down for all the writers out there that want to have a dream realized and become a published author.

Along with this, I am frustrated by other well-meaning bloggers and authors sending out ill-advised or out-of-date advice and thus keeping the crazy chain of writers going down the wrong path.

The big publishers are not taking new work. Their agents are not taking new work! Do I need to say this again? NOT TAKING NEW WORK. NOT LOOKING, COULD CARE LESS THAT YOUR BOOK IS THE BEST BOOK IN THE WORLD!

I am not trying to be mean but these are the facts. Small houses are taking new titles (well, some are), and some are looking. But this means low royalties and a ton of headache. But do what you will. Back to the main grievance...

If we know that these publishers are not taking new work WHY ARE YOU STILL TEACHING AND TELLING WRITERS TO WRITE QUERY LETTERS?!? Come on! Really. This is stupid, crazy and like banging on a store window after hours and wondering why they won't open up for you.

Look at it this way, if you are a big publisher and you receive an unsolicited query letter, what do you do? I'd bet you would have a big meeting with all your investors and grant 100k to this unknown project. After that, you publish and market this book, and spend even more money on bookmarks and posters to give out at Starbucks. Now you, the big publisher, have to try to sell this book in this market to people that would rather get it free from the library. Does this all make sense now?

So, the store is closed unless you are famous. Are you famous? Anyway, they are closed; the big agents are closed. The sane thing to do is to leave them alone, or you can keep sending in your perfect query letter and they will keep throwing it in the trash.

Below are some things you can do to ensure that you will never be a published author:

*Write and send out query letters.
*Go to all the writing conferences.
*Read all the how-to books on publishing.
*Hunt for a book agent.
*Talk about your book you are working on but just talk, talk ,talk...
*Join a local writers' group and sit with all the other non-published (and never going to get published) authors and in 20 years still be working on your book.
*Over-edit your book.
*Wait until your book is perfect.
*Perfect your book proposal.
*Don't market yourself until your book is out.
*Minimize eBooks and online social media.
*Look at your book as a hobby instead of a business.
*Write for the public and not for yourself.

Believe me, I researched all the different publishing options for a year and almost gave up. But once I saw what I could do, it changed everything. My advice? Find a small, out-of-the-box house and talk to a real person who will work with you on your project and make it the best it can be.

This is the time of the author; the writer can now hold all the cards. It is time to take back your power. Take it, own it and claim what is yours!

CHAPTER ELEVEN: Out of the box, a call to big name authors!

I hear all the time this phrase. Think out of the box, or get out of the box! What does this really mean and why do we want to get out of some box that we all seem to be in? Is the box uncomfortable? Is it harmful? How did we even get in this box? Are we all born in the box and if so why is it bad when we were born in it?

All these questions hit me and I started to think about it and how it can help me and other authors or business people.

The box as we think of it, is the same old thing, the hum drum and the I was taught this way and I shall do it even if it no longer works.

Some examples in the writing world are this:

Write in your genre: I do not like this one. I write for me, and if my writing crosses over into one genre to another so be it. This thinking of staying put is because the fans expect to read something and if you do something different they will get mad. Well, maybe it is good to make a reader mad every once in a while. Shake things up. Again, think of why you are writing... is it for some fan or for you and are you just trying to sell a book or write what you love.

Now be smart about it... might not be a good idea to mix romance with a story about hunting. Just a thought.

Sending out query letters and trying to find an agent: I am still amazed by the countless authors that still do this outdated and fruitless thing. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. The game changed about three years ago and the big publishers stopped taking new works. They sent out their agents to hunt the book shelves to find the next up in coming book and these agents also do not take new submissions unless you have a platform or a huge fan base.

Do you have a fan base and a platform? Do you sell 10K books a year to start? If not the agents you can get to look at your work are not the ones you want. If the big bad agents can't sell a book to a big publisher what makes you think a small agent can?

I am not trying to be mean but unless you are already in with a publisher it is not smart to keep sending letters into a black hole and wasting time when you could spend that same time writing and selling books and building a fan base. Besides, even if you make a publisher take your work do you really want 5-10% royalties? How do you plan to make a living on 12-25 cents a book? Just saying.

Best advice, if you really want to go with a traditional publisher find a small one who "thinks outside of the box."

Authors or Publishers who think eBooks are a fad: This one gets me. I make a living because of eBooks. i feed my family and do not have to work construction because of eBooks. A Fad? Really? Wait... even if it is a fad think of how long it will take to fizzle out? 10-20 years? By that time i will be retired on that fad and wont care that it was.

Or I talk to publishers that are going to look into eBooks in five years. Hmmm, by that time you will miss the wave. Why throw away money and fans because you are scared of the future? I know... I know... you think you will lose money, you think you need to keep the price high. Just keep it up, remember a little company called Apple? Yeah... remember the music business? Yeah... now what if a Apple decides that all eBooks should be 2.99?

Just a thought. It is not about what you the publishing makes... it is what does the author make and what does the reader have to pay. The future of publishing is changing and it is about time. The kingdom of Random House and all the other big guys is coming to an end and the ones who will be better off is the authors and the readers.

Here is my challenge. This is a call to a big name author. By this I mean a Dan Brown, James Patterson, Jason Pinter, Andrew Gross ect... Here is my offer. Let me and you team up and I will give you 50/50 royalties on print and E. We can market online just as good or better and lets do a brand new book. I will publish your book and it will go out into the same stores as you are in now, i use the same distributors, the same binders and printers. My cover art people are just as good if not better. We will try a OOTB experiment and see what happens when a author gets paid and I mean really paid for his or her work.

This is not a joke. I really mean it. If you want to make more on each sale and sell the same number or more let me know. Imaging making 2-6 dollars on each book sale... Imagine having control of your cover and how your book looks. Imaging taking control of your future and saying Enough to the way things have been done for the last hundred years. This is the time to do something different, time to try something new. Besides, what have you got to lose? If the numbers are half of your last book well... no wait, you will still make more. 50% royalties!

stonehousepress@hotmail.com


All I need is one to try this and see... do you believe?

CHAPTER TEN: When I grow up I want to be J.A. Konrath!

Come on, I know that that title is not really what I want to be when I grow up but it is fun to think about. Is the man some sort of superhero or a guy one should strive to be like? Maybe not. However, as a writer and a author I look at what he does and am glad that I am not the only one pushing this new world of publishing.

J.A. Konrath is not the end all be all, but he is someone that "Gets" what is going on. As other writers new and old play the game handed to them people like J.A. make up their own rules and only ask other people to join them.

When I started out as a new author I didn't see the eBook future for what it was. I thought it was a nice way to market and figured in a way Amazon was paying me to advertise. I wondered if the eBook sales would boost my print sales and therefore set out. Little did I know that eBooks were not a good way to market but the way to make a living as a writer.

Do I want to be like Konrath? Not as a person but as a visionary. I am a pusher... a pimp if you will of this new religion called ebooks. Come what may I will preach the message to the world because I see the frustration all around me on the faces of writers who are still playing the publishing game.

Why? Because I am a writer first and a publisher second. This is about reaching out to fans and making a living as a writer. Never before could we compete with the big names on a level playing field as James Patterson, Dean Koontz and Stephen King. "Sweet Dreams" is outselling a Stephen King novel... really! I don't say this to be proud or anything but to give you the idea that some guy in Boise Idaho can do this than so can you.

Konrath is convincing his other author buddies one by one to convert over to this new model. eBooks are not only a good thing for a new author to build a fan base but a amazing thing for established authors to kick their publisher out and begin to receive the benefits of all their hard work. Small publishers like StoneHouse Ink are the ones who will come out looking pretty after the dust storm settles because they get what is going on and bend to the market. Social media, blogging, and online sales not to mention new and very out of the box marketing.

But the real question is what side of the fence are you on. Will you stand with us and fight to give the power back to the author or will you fall with a great and terrible crash as the big 5 kingdom falls.

J.A. Konrath Bolg: http://jakonrath.blogspot.com/2010/10...

StoneHouse Ink: www.thestonepublishinghouse.com

CHAPTER TEN: Off topic...

And here we go again! If you have been following this blog you will find out in a hurry that I tend to go off topic every now and again. Times like these and my wonderful personality lend to rants and posts of funny and offensive materiel. Can you dig it?

The subject today has nothing to do with books, writing or anything like that. It is the time we all go out to trick or treat and send our children into the dark streets dressed as a which or a hooker and sometimes as a killer. So fun is it not? Wait, you mean getting candy from random strangers as your pre teen wanders around in a skin tight outfit so the creepy neighbor guy can look at her legs is not cool? Really?

Come on people! When was it ok to buy a hooker outfit from wal mart? They can go with their boyfriend the pimp, maybe we should give out Meth and dookies as well! I am making pot brownies this year and hope to hang with some Jr. High girls out back, want to come over? No just send your kid.

The holiday is lame to start with and laced with nothing of value besides making the candy people a butt load of money and giving me the creeps.

But wait! This year it falls on a Sunday so every one around here is not only going out on Sunday night but did it last night, tonight and on Sunday! When was this a three day event? Does that mean I have to cook more brownies?

Fine, fine you think I am over reacting. That is just proof that I am smarter than you. If you as a 30+ mom wants to go to a party dressed as a sexy nurse and gross out everyone around you because of the way to much skin going on, be my guest. As for me, I might hide out on the roof and dump freezing water on some kids parents just for fun this year... because when they asked for a trick or a treat I just gave them the trick.

CHAPTER TEN: The Old and the New.

I think I forgot that I had a blog for a week or so. With the Idaho Book Extravaganza and all the things going on in the book world I lost it there for a time. No worries, I am back or so I think.

This event was great and the thing that got me was the response from the classes. So many authors out there are hunting a deer that does not exist. The big publishers all seem to have this hold over the minds of us authors and breaking through is like trying to get a boy to stop jumping in mud puddles.

Here is what I got from most the authors I come in contact with.

Frustration:
Why? Well they are told from the start that the way to publish is to write well, submit a great compelling query letter and wait for a response even if it takes a lifetime. And to make matters worse they want to make everyone go to the approved agents who are not taking on new work or they cannot get the big guys to buy any of the books they are selling!

Depression:
They think that the books they spent their hours and soul on are not good enough to be published. They are rejected over and over or not even responded to from the so called big houses. The "Lucky" ones who make a deal are taken on a ride filled with low royalties and empty promises. The end comes and they are left with their work gone and their dreams crushed.

The rest of the story:

I look at this and wonder why no one told this mass of authors and writers that all the rules have changed? Why did no one tell them that book agents are going away and the small publishers are taking their place? The publishing world is not just changing it is no longer the thing it used to be. And is that a bad thing?

I say no.

The big 5 have had their day in the sun, they controlled the hill for far to long and it is time for the indi presses and authors to take back what is rightfully theirs. Now I am not saying that all traditional publishers are like this. most of the small ones are great but this monster that needs to be fed called the book business is about to loose its food source.

Now for you authors that fall into this mess cycle I have good news. You do not have to submit to a agent. You do not need to go to a big publisher to have your dream of having a book on the market realized. You have the power now and if you will only take it back, if you will do instead of wait things will turn.

Here is how things can be:

Stress free:
You write a great book and you submit it to a small publisher one that is a out of the box sort. Maybe one that loves eBooks and social media. You go through the process with a real person to hold your hand and in the end you are able to see your dream and become a published author.

This new way of publishing is not the one where a group of 5 men pay you an advance of 5-10k and after that you make 5-7%. NO, this is not sell your soul and rights away to a big publisher. This is freedom and 50% royalties on all eBooks and high back end royalties. This is "Make a living" selling books and be paid by the fans not some high on a hill house.

Really, which would you rather have, a advance because you convinced 5 guys at a house or money every month because the public loves your work? Do you want 5k up front and .25 per book after that or do you want 5-10k every month because your fans are buying? Are you in this long term or just want the pat on the back that comes with Random House?

The other thing is most publishing houses are not looking for new titles. Most good agents (the ones you want) are not taking on new work. So you can keep submitting your letters to people that are not buying or you can take control of your own future.