S. Michael Wilson's Blog, page 4

That Sinking Feeling...

Image via WikipediaI find that the older I get, the more I feel like the guy who accidentally joins a suicide cult, thinking it was some kind of social club. I can clearly empathize with the surreal sensation of confusion that must undoubtedly accompany the man as he stands there surrounded by smiling fanatics clad in purple robes, stares down at the Dixie cup of poison-laced grape juice clutched in his hand and thinks to himself, "Did I miss something?"
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The Movie Guys Go Blue (In More Ways Than One)

As those who listen to the Moviesucktastic Podcast on a somewhat regular basis know (and I have it on good authority that our download bandwidth, whatever that is, has been steadily rising, so we know you're out there), Joey and I have our grievances when it comes to James Cameron's epic 3D cash cow Avatar. The words [...]

Paul Ryan's Response - Far From Scrumdidilyumptious

Image via WikipediaPresident Obama gave his State of the Union Address this past Tuesday. As is usually the case, it was quickly followed with countless voices screaming "You Lie!" into the void of white noise that is our News Media, with the occasional whining complaint of "I'm bored." (Yes, I'm looking at you, Joe).

As a self-confessed masochist, I spent some time reading the rebuttals, and the rebuttals of the rebuttals, and so on and so forth, and  Ieventually made my way to the transcript of Paul Ryan's GOP response to the SOTU (as we political savvy folks enjoy typing). It was near the end of his predictable list of reasons why Obama is so horribly and hopelessly wrong that I ran across this little gem:

"This is a future in which we will transform our social safety net into a hammock, which lulls able-bodie­d people into lives of complacency and dependency."

The first thing that came to mind was how much Republican love come up with these clever little catchphrases. Granted, this might not be the first time it has been used, but it's the first time I've really noticed it. Bumper Sticker Wisdom always prevails over any real intelligent communication, and I have no doubt that "Safety Nets becoming Hammocks" will soon take its place alongside such tired phrases as "Cadillac Benefits," "Tax and Spend" and "Limousine Liberals." I'd list more, but it hurts my brain to cram too many of these into one sitting.

The inanity of this obsession with witty quips in serious political speeches distracted me so much that it took a couple of seconds to realize that I had just been insulted. You see, I didn't actually watch the SOTU, or the official Paul Ryan and (hilarious) unofficial Michele Bachmann responses. I was busy taking notes in a late-night Biology class. Like many other Americans, I've had a tough couple of years. I lost my job - no, my career - of fifteen years when the recession first turned ugly at the end of 2008. I spent two years on unemployment desperately trying to replace my former lively hood in a job market more competitive than a runway model reality show, and am now working two low-paying part-time jobs with no benefits in a desperate attempt to make ends meet, while simultaneously attending school full-time in an attempt to enter a new career path.

Now, why am I whining about my own problems? Not to apologize for being unemployed - I could honestly care less what an anonymous person reading my blog thinks about me. No offense. But the point is that there is a story of struggle and hardship behind every unemployment check I received, and my story is far from unique, and nowhere near as tragic as other ones out there. Millions - MILLIONS - of people across the country are still dealing with the dark realities of this crippling recession as you read this, wondering every day how long they'll be able to last, how long until their luck will run out, hoping they can find some form of employment that will allow them to both feed their children AND make the mortgage payment.

So what does Paul Ryan do? Compare Unemployment Benefits - which you have to PAY INTO in order to RECEIVE, by the way, so Entitlement my ass - to reclining in the shade on a summer afternoon, cold drink in hand. Granted, he didn't actually mention Unemployment benefits, but considering that Unemployment is itself one of the top issues of the moment, I find it hard to believe he's attacking welfare. Besides, he's a Republican, so a hatred of Welfare recipients is almost implied. I don't see any other way to take this; Paul Ryan just implied that I'm a lazy bitch, and that anyone else in my position is just sitting back and letting others do the work for them. There's an appropriate response to this kind of slur, but I'm trying to cut back on my excessive cursing, which is harder than you might think when politics is the point of discussion.

As I mentioned with Welfare, this resentment of "Safety Net" programs is an ongoing theme in the Republican Dialogue. Conservatives actually get red in the face when they think of people cashing Welfare and Unemployment checks, or receiving subsidies or free college tuitions or, Lord have Mercy, free health care! There's this constant obsession with people receiving something they didn't earn, this overwhelming need to raise a ruckus whenever someone else gets something for free that they didn't. They are the hall monitors of the adult world, self-obsessed watchdogs on a constant search for anyone not living up to their high standards. They don't get free money from the government. Why should you? That's not fair! And get off my lawn!

Which brings me to the film Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (not Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Tim Burton's self-absorbed abomination). Whenever I hear a Republican rant and rave about these "leeches" that are "draining society" by "living off MY taxes," my mind always flashes back to the Everlasting Gobstopper scene, in which Veruca Salt gets all bent out of shape because she thinks Violet Beauregarde got two Gobstopper, while she only received one.

These Republicans and Conservatives, who always seem so obsessed with anyone getting a "Free Ride" or "Something for Nothing," are the Veruca Salt of the world. Always concerned that someone is getting something they don't have, always making everything about them. The similarities don't end there, of course. In the true spirit of Free Market Capitalism, Veruca's father "earns" her Golden Ticket for by reaping the benefits of the hard work of his underpaid employees, offering a measly ten-pound bonus to the worker who finds the ticket, all of them receiving only slave wages for their diligent work while Veruca runs off to Candy Land with the results of that hard labor. And what better anthem could there be, for the party obsessed with the accumulation of wealth at any cost, than Veruca Salt's little "I Want It Now" song and dance number?


Do I think all Republicans are representative of childhood cinema's favorite Greedy Little Bitch? No, just the ones who act like it. In truth, I believe that there are only a small minority of Conservatives who think like this. Unfortunately, most of them act as spokespersons for the party, and the scream louder than the ones who actually care about their fellow man. And unfortunately, unlike the movie, the Veruca Salts of the world don't get sucked into the furnace by the Educated Eggdicater. In the real world, Veruca's father nails Wonka on a zoming violation and eventually acquires the Wonka factory in a hostile corporate takeover, Golden Geese and all.

And what happens to the majority of Americans, the meek Charlie Buckets who just want to live comfortably, want what's best for everyone, but are unwilling to sell anyone else out in order to obtain that dream? They'll just have to get used to stale bread for dinner, constant disappointment, and looking at chocolate bars through  storefront windows. Wishing they had that Everlasting Gobstopper to suck on, and waiting for that safety net to start feeling like a hammock.
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Moviesucktastic #23: From Torture Porn to Avatar Porn

Image by salzoman via Flickr The Movie Guys are back! After a lengthy hiatus due to the inconvenient tendency of life to intervene, Joey and I are finally back with what almost must seem like a lost episode, Moviesucktastic #23. As is always the case when Joey and I get together to record an episode, the [...]

Feel-Good Activism: The Healthcare Debate

Image by Getty Images via @daylifeWith the GOP now holding a Majority in the House, you can rest assured that there are going to be countless attacks against any and all Obama legislation, and just as many (if not more) campaigns against so-called Republican reforms.

The first out of the gate, of course, is the drive to repeal "Obamacare" and it's anti Free Market approach to Health Care at the expense of profits. I'm not going to weigh in on which side is right. That invariably results in arguing the facts with someone of the opposite viewpoint, and with the political discourse in this country becoming more rabidly heated by the moment, I'd rather have a naked bowie knife duel to the death with Christopher Walken in a dumpster full of medical waste.

I would, however, like to give some humble advice: Think your arguments through. Example? There's a very well-intentioned movement right now called Repeal health care? Give up your own first! The goal is to get a petition signed urging GOP leaders to give up their own government-sponsored healthcare if they are so against socialized medicine of any kind. It's a cute little bumper-sticker wisdom campaign that, unfortunately, has no real teeth with which to bite.

First of all, petitions don't work, folks. Petitions are a great show of strength and solidarity, and that's about it. The only real upshot to a petition is that it allows a politician to ignore your cause in one big group, which is much easier than ignoring you individually. The assumption is also that anyone signing the petition wouldn't have voted for them anyway, so what do they care? Petitions are fun and feel good, but unless you're trying to get your favorite TV show back on the air (because advertisers pay more attention to what you want than politicians do), that's about all they accomplish.

But more importantly, make sure your argument makes some kind of sense, at least as far as the end result. The whole drive of this campaign is to ask Republicans in favor of repealing healthcare for those who can't afford it to give up their own free government-issued healthcare. Sounds good on the surface, no? Here's the problem with this little jab of logic: they can afford to. John Boehner alone (insert tanning joke here) is worth somewhere between three and seven million dollars, and he's at the low end of the average Capitol Hill employee spectrum. The people pushing to repeal affordable healthcare could not only afford to purchase the most expensive healthcare package available, they could easily do it without having to skimp on the grocery shopping or canceling their golf club membership. Threatening millionaires with economic hardship doesn't work. Think about it.

The funny thing about this movement is that the Republicans it is targeted at could actually call the bluff. John Boehner and Mitch McConnell could drop their government-sponsored healthcare and pay for their own medical insurance without batting an eye, claim to be willing to lead by example, and therefore imply that all of those hard-working families living paycheck to paycheck should do the same. This would quickly abolish this form of attack against them, and be seen by those in their camp as a sign of strength and principle.

But that's not the real funny part. The real funny part is that as easy and effective as it would be, they won't do it. The political climate has reached such a surreal level of obtuse bias that they don't even feel the need to pretend anymore. They don't feel the need to lead by example, uphold the principles they espouse, or even keep their promises. People have become so enamored with their political ideals that they have become completely blind to anything beyond sound bites and posturing. So they just do what they want. There's no motivation for them to do otherwise.

But by all means, enjoy collecting signatures for your petition. Odds are you'll be the only ones who read it.


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Happy New Year? Doubtful.

With the New Year rapidly approaching, a mere number of alcohol-soaked hours away, I find myself pondering the completely arbitrary and pointlessly ritualistic changing of the calendar year, and what it means about the events that have occurred over the past twelve months. For this truly is a holiday meant for reflection and anticipation, a weighing of the past's influences and whatever the future might hold.

Normally, the changing over of the old year to the new one is represented by the iconic images of Old Man Time and Baby New Year. The white-bearded elderly soul, back bent and crippled from the trials and tribulations of his past experiences, hands off the baton of responsibility for forging through yet another year to the innocent diaper-clad newborn, and scampers off on withered legs and a crooked cane without even attempting to warn this naive cherub about the horrors that await his brief and harrowing existence.

Image by CornérStoné via FlickrBeing a movie fanatic, I prefer to personify the New Year by comparing it to a film that contains the essence of what the holiday represents. In this case, with the complete nightmare that this past year has become, I don't seem to be able to shake the feeling that January 1 is coming upon us with all of the harsh brutality of a Saw sequel. Just look back at the massive amounts of abject misery and mindless destruction that have occurred over the length of 2010, and ringing in the New Year raises the same levels of terror and dread as waking up strapped into some psychotic cancer patient's homicidal shop project and hearing a prerecorded message explain exactly how gruesome your impending demise is going to be.

This past year has been so screwed up, they might as well have replaced last year's Time's Square ball drop with a bicycle-riding Jigsaw puppet rolling on to every television set in America:

"Hello people. I want to play a game. This coming year, your house values will be driven down by reckless and opportunistic lending practices. Unemployment rates will hover indefinitely high while new jobs are shipped overseas, and soulless corporations alter their business models to exploit the fear of downsizing to squeeze uncompensated productivity out of their underpaid workers. As you struggle to keep your head (and mortgage) above water, your ineffectual political leaders with put on lavish shows of false concern and hollow efforts of economic restoration as your quality of life rapidly deteriorates. Live or die, the choice is yours. Actually, you have no control over it whatsoever; you're basically doomed. Have fun." 

Instead of being a time of hope and celebration, this New Year's is like surviving one horrible Jigsaw trap, with other victims viciously destroyed before your eyes while you cling tenaciously to life, only to get shoved through a time-locked door where yet another perilous struggle for survival awaits you. I'm to the point where I'd rather wake up with a spring-loaded mechanical trap strapped to my face and a key surgically implanted in my scrotum than face whatever mindless, spirit-shredding madness 2011 has in store for us. Instead of slowly descending during Dick Clark's uncomfortably humorous countdown, that giant geodesic sphere hanging over Times Square should plummet to the pavement, eject hundreds of spring loaded spikes, then tumble at full speed down Broadway like a giant spiked bowling ball of death and destruction, impaling the crushed and mutilated corpses of the helpless inebriated onlookers, rolling over the unsuspecting crowds in much the same way that 2011 will eventually bulldoze over what's left of spirits.

So, this is Scott from Moviesucktastic, wishing you a Happy New Year, a fun New Year's Eve celebration, and a quick, painless death at the hands of our destructive sociopath Baby New Year.

Game Over. 
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Monster Rally On Kindle

Like many authors these days, I've done my best to keep up with the latest trends and advances in Digital Text Platform publishing (otherwise known as DTP). As a milestone in my own ventures into this brave new world, I am glad to announce that Monster Rally is now available for purchase on Amazon's Kindle [...]

Dream Diary: Treasure Hunt

Image via WikipediaI had this weird dream last night.

A group of people and I are involved in some kind of elaborate scavenger hunt that centers around us following clues and riddles scribbled on a pile random slips of papers, coasters, napkins and envelopes. One specific clue leads us onto an old fishing vessel, where we try to figure out the coordinates left behind be a dead fisherman that will supposedly lead us to the location of the Loch Ness Monster's ocean home. We figure it out when one of his former shipmates tells us that his old partner would often write the coordinates down wrong. This somehow enables us to figure out the right numbers, which lead us to a tape recording of the dead fisherman's voice under a pile of newspapers in the same room.

Meanwhile, in an unrelated portion of the dream, a serial killer has body wrapped tight in Saran Wrap, and is digging a hole in the floor of a cabin in which to hide it. The body, which bares a striking resemblance to Bryan Cranston from the AMC series Breaking Bad , has its face wrapped tightly with the plastic, mouth opened wide as if screaming. Suddenly, he comes to life, tears through the plastic and attacks his would-be murderer. I never return to this scene, and so I am unsure of the outcome of the struggle. 

Meanwhile, back at the bizarre treasure hunt... this clue-driven challenge somehow involves time travel (of course), and at one point I find myself walking through a lightly snow-covered field with an older woman. We reach a house supposedly belonging to her, at which point she asks if I am from the future. I confess that I am, and she asks me if I can do something about coffee cups when I go back. It seems that the paper coffee cups of whatever time I am currently in keep igniting when she drinks coffee, as she likes to smoke at the same time. I assure her that there is no need to worry; the coffee cups of the future are thick, heavy, and highly flame retardant. I then return to my future time to discover that, reminiscent of Ray Bradbury 's  A Sound of Thunder , my conversation with the woman has somehow resulted in all modern day coffee cups looking like ice cream cones.

Taking a moment to assess my situation, I thumb through the stack of clues and realize that there is no way I am going to finish this bizarre game before I wake up. Then I wake up.

Analysis: No more eating Coffee Ice Cream while watching Dexter reruns.
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Scott's Dream Diary - Giving Unto Caesar

Image via WikipediaHad this weird dream last night. I thought I was a Roman Soldier transported to modern times, and walked into a Roman-themed casino wearing a toga, carrying a broken spear, and demanding to speak to Caesar.

It turns out that they have an actor who sits in a throne room pretending to be Julius Caesar, so for some reason the staff decides to humor me and take me to him. They take me to the entrance of the "Throne Room," where I kneel and bow, and allow the broken spear to be taken away from me. I then spend the next ten or fifteen minutes talking to Caesar about fate and one's importance in the world, while the actor goes along and plays the part, possibly enjoying the chance to finally do some real acting. I can't recall the specifics of the conversation, but it was tinged with sadness about being out of place and time, and how we shape our own destiny.

At the end of our conversation, he grips my shoulder with a firm squeeze full of emotion, looks me straight in the eye, gives me a knowing nod, and comps me $10 on the nickel slots. Then I wake up.

Verdict: I've been playing too much Fallout: New Vegas before bedtime.
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PETA: Dead Puppies Aren't Much Fun

I have a theory that 70% of the people that complain about PETA going "too far" are just upset because the organizati­on's extreme push against animal cruelty makes them question their own inattentio­n to the consequenc­es of their actions, and they hate being made to think so much. The other 30% just enjoy complainin­g.



As far as the commercial goes, I think it woks on both angles. The message of the ad agrees with responsibl­e and emotional side of me that hates to think of animals being tortured and murdered to feed the pet industry, while the morbid humor of the ad appeals to the side of me that thinks children playing with dead dogs is funny. See? Everybody wins.

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