Jason Coleman's Blog, page 2
July 21, 2011
Love is a CHOICELove is a Choice – Not an Emotion. Have y...
Love is a
CHOICE
Love is a Choice – Not an Emotion. Have you ever considered the fact that love is a choice? Love is not simply an emotion, yet love affects your emotions…love causes you to laugh & to cry. Love causes you to be happy and sad. Love keeps you awake at night. Love gives you the lump in your throat, the knot in your stomach, the cold sweat on your brow…yes, love does all those things, but love is not an emotion. Love is a choice.
Love affects your emotions and love controls your emotions. Love greatly impacts your emotions, but love IS a choice. You don't fall in love, you decide to love someone. Really…you decide…you choose to love.
You see, let me explain it this way; love can give you the warm fuzzy feeling when you're with the one you love, the one you're attracted to. There's a definite synergy between the two of you that causes your heart to race or skip a beat, your pulse to pound, and gives you butterflies in your stomach. But those effects are all due to the choice you make to love.
When we say love is a choice, we're saying that you must choose to love your spouse everyday in such a manner that you make him or her feel as if they are the most important person in the world to you. Because, what happens if love is simply an emotion & love is how you feel…and what if you have a bad day?
What if you stub your toe when you get out of bed…late because the alarm malfunctioned. The coffee pot overflows, you're stuck in traffic, you are late to work, your boss gives you a poor evaluation that you don't feel is warranted, you get home to find the kids fighting, dinner is not ready, and as if that wasn't enough, your wife has decided to perm her hair. She's in the bathroom with her hair all curled up in a foil bag on top of her head and the house stinks to high heaven!
Would you love her then if love was an emotion? Or will your feelings and emotions kick in and take over? You will be frustrated and annoyed! Annoyed at the clock. Frustrated with the coffee pot, your boss, your evaluation, the kids, the fact that dinner isn't ready, and to top it off, your wife has a stupid bag on her head! You're gonna be annoyed! I promise you!
But are you gonna love her? You are going to love her, and do you know why? Because love is a CHOICE. Your love does not waver with your emotions. Sure, you're frustrated and annoyed…but you keep on loving her. Because it's the right thing to do and because you CHOOSE to. Don't fall for the worlds' view of love that says love is an emotion and a feeling that can be changed as often as you change your oil or cell phone plan.
Love is a choice, and once you start buying into that concept and you change the way you think about your spouse, you will change the way you treat your spouse. You will also change some of your daily habits. When you start changing some daily habits, your impact your marriage in a amazing ways..
In closing, remember this…
No matter where you are in your marriage today, one thing is certain: the choices you make regarding your spouse and your marriage will have an impact with immediate and long-lasting results!
Love is a Choice – Not an Emotion. Have you ever considered the fact that love is a choice? Love is not simply an emotion, yet love affects your emotions…love causes you to laugh & to cry. Love causes you to be happy and sad. Love keeps you awake at night. Love gives you the lump in your throat, the knot in your stomach, the cold sweat on your brow…yes, love does all those things, but love is not an emotion. Love is a choice.
Love affects your emotions and love controls your emotions. Love greatly impacts your emotions, but love IS a choice. You don't fall in love, you decide to love someone. Really…you decide…you choose to love.
You see, let me explain it this way; love can give you the warm fuzzy feeling when you're with the one you love, the one you're attracted to. There's a definite synergy between the two of you that causes your heart to race or skip a beat, your pulse to pound, and gives you butterflies in your stomach. But those effects are all due to the choice you make to love.
When we say love is a choice, we're saying that you must choose to love your spouse everyday in such a manner that you make him or her feel as if they are the most important person in the world to you. Because, what happens if love is simply an emotion & love is how you feel…and what if you have a bad day?
What if you stub your toe when you get out of bed…late because the alarm malfunctioned. The coffee pot overflows, you're stuck in traffic, you are late to work, your boss gives you a poor evaluation that you don't feel is warranted, you get home to find the kids fighting, dinner is not ready, and as if that wasn't enough, your wife has decided to perm her hair. She's in the bathroom with her hair all curled up in a foil bag on top of her head and the house stinks to high heaven!
Would you love her then if love was an emotion? Or will your feelings and emotions kick in and take over? You will be frustrated and annoyed! Annoyed at the clock. Frustrated with the coffee pot, your boss, your evaluation, the kids, the fact that dinner isn't ready, and to top it off, your wife has a stupid bag on her head! You're gonna be annoyed! I promise you!
But are you gonna love her? You are going to love her, and do you know why? Because love is a CHOICE. Your love does not waver with your emotions. Sure, you're frustrated and annoyed…but you keep on loving her. Because it's the right thing to do and because you CHOOSE to. Don't fall for the worlds' view of love that says love is an emotion and a feeling that can be changed as often as you change your oil or cell phone plan.
Love is a choice, and once you start buying into that concept and you change the way you think about your spouse, you will change the way you treat your spouse. You will also change some of your daily habits. When you start changing some daily habits, your impact your marriage in a amazing ways..
In closing, remember this…
No matter where you are in your marriage today, one thing is certain: the choices you make regarding your spouse and your marriage will have an impact with immediate and long-lasting results!
June 18, 2011
Federal Way spouses discuss infidelity on Oprah's network
Here's a great article that ran on the front page of the Federal Way Mirror on Saturday June 18, 2011.
By ANDY HOBBS
Federal Way Mirror Editor
Jun 16 2011, 7:57 PM
After a fairy tale wedding and honeymoon, Jason and Debby Coleman quickly ran into trouble.
The couple had married young — she was 19 at the time, and he was 22. From the start, Jason was working long hours on evenings and weekends. This became free time for Debby. Outside of her college classes, she spent a lot of time socializing with friends. Communication between the newlyweds was at a minimum, and their expectations of marriage were, in hindsight, unrealistic.
About six weeks into the marriage, Debby and a male acquaintance began an affair.
"Reality slapped me in the face the second we got home from our honeymoon," Debby said. "I continued to go out with other friends and not really act like I was married. ... I never should have been in those situations."
The infidelity lasted a couple of months until Jason discovered a letter written by Debby to the other man. In the letter, she wrote about ending the forbidden relationship. Blindsided by the revelation, Jason confronted his wife and asked her to leave.
"I knew we weren't getting along too well," Jason said. "I had no idea it had gone to that extreme. It was a total shock to me."
The Federal Way couple shared their story for the TV series "Unfaithful: Stories of Betrayal," which airs 9 p.m. Monday, June 20, on OWN: Oprah Winfrey Network. In June 2010, the Colemans published their self-help book "Discovering Your Amazing Marriage" that includes advice on learning to communicate and protect a marriage from infidelity.
Devastated by the affair, the couple eventually reconciled and began the long road toward repairing their marriage. They underwent heartache, late discussions and counseling while improving their communication and nurturing their spiritual sides.
In rebuilding trust, the couple kept each other more accountable.
"This was long before the day of cell phone," Jason said. "I'm not too proud to admit I checked the mileage on the car" to see if Debby was driving elsewhere. "I was not trying to catch her doing things wrong, but to catch her doing things right."
"I was perfectly fine with him doing that," Debby added. "I wanted him to know I was in it 110 percent."
Almost 22 years and four children later, the Colemans — now in their 40s — credit the infidelity for strengthening their marriage.
"I'm so completely and utterly ashamed of my behavior. I have to believe we went through all of this for a reason," Debby said. "There are people out there who are struggling and need to know other people have been through the same thing."
The couple acknowledges that it's been a tough road, and that their marriage is not perfect.
"Our resolve came in knowing there was something better for us and making a conscious decision to love each other. Love is not a feeling, it's not an emotion. Love is a consicous decision," Jason said. "Amid the hurt, anger and broken trust, we chose to love each other."
Learn more
• To learn more about the Colemans or to check out their book "Discovering Your Amazing Marriage," visit www.youramazingmarriage.com. Those interested in purchasing the book can enter the coupon code "federalwaymirror" for a 25 percent discount.
• The couple's segment on "Unfaithful: Stories of Betrayal" airs at 9 p.m. Monday, June 20, on the cable channel OWN: Oprah Winfrey Network.
By ANDY HOBBS
Federal Way Mirror Editor
Jun 16 2011, 7:57 PM
After a fairy tale wedding and honeymoon, Jason and Debby Coleman quickly ran into trouble.
The couple had married young — she was 19 at the time, and he was 22. From the start, Jason was working long hours on evenings and weekends. This became free time for Debby. Outside of her college classes, she spent a lot of time socializing with friends. Communication between the newlyweds was at a minimum, and their expectations of marriage were, in hindsight, unrealistic.
About six weeks into the marriage, Debby and a male acquaintance began an affair.
"Reality slapped me in the face the second we got home from our honeymoon," Debby said. "I continued to go out with other friends and not really act like I was married. ... I never should have been in those situations."
The infidelity lasted a couple of months until Jason discovered a letter written by Debby to the other man. In the letter, she wrote about ending the forbidden relationship. Blindsided by the revelation, Jason confronted his wife and asked her to leave.
"I knew we weren't getting along too well," Jason said. "I had no idea it had gone to that extreme. It was a total shock to me."
The Federal Way couple shared their story for the TV series "Unfaithful: Stories of Betrayal," which airs 9 p.m. Monday, June 20, on OWN: Oprah Winfrey Network. In June 2010, the Colemans published their self-help book "Discovering Your Amazing Marriage" that includes advice on learning to communicate and protect a marriage from infidelity.
Devastated by the affair, the couple eventually reconciled and began the long road toward repairing their marriage. They underwent heartache, late discussions and counseling while improving their communication and nurturing their spiritual sides.
In rebuilding trust, the couple kept each other more accountable.
"This was long before the day of cell phone," Jason said. "I'm not too proud to admit I checked the mileage on the car" to see if Debby was driving elsewhere. "I was not trying to catch her doing things wrong, but to catch her doing things right."
"I was perfectly fine with him doing that," Debby added. "I wanted him to know I was in it 110 percent."
Almost 22 years and four children later, the Colemans — now in their 40s — credit the infidelity for strengthening their marriage.
"I'm so completely and utterly ashamed of my behavior. I have to believe we went through all of this for a reason," Debby said. "There are people out there who are struggling and need to know other people have been through the same thing."
The couple acknowledges that it's been a tough road, and that their marriage is not perfect.
"Our resolve came in knowing there was something better for us and making a conscious decision to love each other. Love is not a feeling, it's not an emotion. Love is a consicous decision," Jason said. "Amid the hurt, anger and broken trust, we chose to love each other."
Learn more
• To learn more about the Colemans or to check out their book "Discovering Your Amazing Marriage," visit www.youramazingmarriage.com. Those interested in purchasing the book can enter the coupon code "federalwaymirror" for a 25 percent discount.
• The couple's segment on "Unfaithful: Stories of Betrayal" airs at 9 p.m. Monday, June 20, on the cable channel OWN: Oprah Winfrey Network.
June 16, 2011
For the past several weeks the media and the American pub...
For the past several weeks the media and the American public has been captivated with the ever-increasing story of Congressman Weiner-his poor judgment, lies, and potential sexual indiscretions. With the recent announcement that his wife is pregnant this story has taken a bizarre twist and intensifies the intrigue.
With increasing frequency we are learning of the private decisions public officials make that are potentially career-ending. As this story develops, the cries for resignation are gaining momentum. It is therefore not out of political gain, but out of a respect for the sanctity of marriage and the relationship that he could potentially lose with his wife of less than one year that causes me to join those who are calling for his resignation.
Here are 5 steps that I believe Congressman Weiner must take if he desires to save his marriage:
1) Resign immediately. Congressman Weiner, or any public official, cannot mend fences at home while remaining in the public spotlight. His alleged indiscretions are a private matter between he and his wife and they should remain private. The longer Congressman Weiner remains a member of Congress and the longer he maintains his refusal to allow this firestorm to destroy his political career, he longer restoration between he and his wife will be delayed. He needs to remove himself from the public spotlight and work these matters out with his wife.
2) Break off all contact. Congressman Weiner must break off all contact from the women he was tweeting and texting with. It is critical that he cease all contact and interaction and that he begins to build a wall around him and his wife. He needs to fortify his position at home and guard his heart. I suggest he shut down his Twitter and Facebook accounts, and any other social media he uses to interact with his constituents.
Guarding against intruders is vital to building, achieving, and maintaining an amazing marriage. It is equally vital to rebuilding the trust that has been shattered in this relationship. We cannot say enough about accountability when it comes to the preservation and protection of your marriage against intruders. We all have our strengths and weaknesses, and given the right set of circumstances you may find yourself facing a situation that you aren't prepared for.
3) Reveal everything. In private with his wife he needs to be completely truthful and reveal everything he was involved with. It is paramount that he does this, as the truth will come out eventually from other sources and it is critical that he be as transparent as possible with his wife. This will most likely be a very hurtful and difficult time for them both, but everything must be laid out in the open so they can assess the damage before rebuilding.
4) Rebuild trust. Rebuilding trust will take time and is a tough thing to do but is absolutely necessary. This will undoubtedly be a long and tiresome process, but one that is fundamental to their relationship. Trust is one of the primary foundations of a healthy relationship. There's not much you can build in your relationship if there is an absence of trust. Trust, after all, is the cornerstone of marriage. Trust means having a complete assurance that circumstances will not influence the relationship we share with one another. The vow that many of us have taken that states "for better or for worse, in sickness and in health" simplifies this concept of trust.
Accountability is one of the biggest components of rebuilding trust. Congressman Weiner should seek an accountability partner with whom he can talk about his struggles and who will hold him accountable to do what is right for his marriage.
My wife and I give each other full access to any and all screen names and computers we may be using at any given time. We know each other's passwords and we have an understanding that if the passwords change, we must inform each other of the change and why. This is not a privacy issue; it is a matter of respect. We respect each other enough to let the other have access to every corner of our lives. It is not a lack of trust, rather a measure of confidence in one another and a willingness to be completely open and transparent. There is no area that is off limits in our marriage. If one of us asks for access to anything it is granted, and a discussion follows with regard to the reasons why, if necessary.
Spouses owe it to each other to be honest and transparent with regards to concerns the other may have and they should always be brought up in a discussion. Not only does transparency and honesty help guard your heart, but it protects your marriage as well.
5) Make his wife feel as if she is the most important person in the world.
This could be one of the most important steps in rebuilding a relationship and maintaining a relationship. Love is a choice; it is not a feeling or an emotion, but rather a conscious decision that is made on a daily basis. My wife and I have discovered that an amazing marriage is a rare bond between a husband and a wife wherein each one knows that they are the most important person in the eyes of their spouse.
An amazing marriage is the result of the choices you make each and every day. Choices about how you will treat your spouse, how you will talk to your spouse, and so much more.
If Congressman Weiner wants his marriage to be truly dynamic and unique, he needs to be purposeful about the choices he makes and exercise a determined effort in rebuilding his relationship. The same can be said of you and me.
Congressman Weiner, you've made some very poor choices. Begin today by choosing to save your marriage and take the necessary steps to rebuilding that which you have begun to destroy. It may be too late for your political career, but your private relationship with your wife is more meaningful and, hopefully, more important.
With increasing frequency we are learning of the private decisions public officials make that are potentially career-ending. As this story develops, the cries for resignation are gaining momentum. It is therefore not out of political gain, but out of a respect for the sanctity of marriage and the relationship that he could potentially lose with his wife of less than one year that causes me to join those who are calling for his resignation.
Here are 5 steps that I believe Congressman Weiner must take if he desires to save his marriage:
1) Resign immediately. Congressman Weiner, or any public official, cannot mend fences at home while remaining in the public spotlight. His alleged indiscretions are a private matter between he and his wife and they should remain private. The longer Congressman Weiner remains a member of Congress and the longer he maintains his refusal to allow this firestorm to destroy his political career, he longer restoration between he and his wife will be delayed. He needs to remove himself from the public spotlight and work these matters out with his wife.
2) Break off all contact. Congressman Weiner must break off all contact from the women he was tweeting and texting with. It is critical that he cease all contact and interaction and that he begins to build a wall around him and his wife. He needs to fortify his position at home and guard his heart. I suggest he shut down his Twitter and Facebook accounts, and any other social media he uses to interact with his constituents.
Guarding against intruders is vital to building, achieving, and maintaining an amazing marriage. It is equally vital to rebuilding the trust that has been shattered in this relationship. We cannot say enough about accountability when it comes to the preservation and protection of your marriage against intruders. We all have our strengths and weaknesses, and given the right set of circumstances you may find yourself facing a situation that you aren't prepared for.
3) Reveal everything. In private with his wife he needs to be completely truthful and reveal everything he was involved with. It is paramount that he does this, as the truth will come out eventually from other sources and it is critical that he be as transparent as possible with his wife. This will most likely be a very hurtful and difficult time for them both, but everything must be laid out in the open so they can assess the damage before rebuilding.
4) Rebuild trust. Rebuilding trust will take time and is a tough thing to do but is absolutely necessary. This will undoubtedly be a long and tiresome process, but one that is fundamental to their relationship. Trust is one of the primary foundations of a healthy relationship. There's not much you can build in your relationship if there is an absence of trust. Trust, after all, is the cornerstone of marriage. Trust means having a complete assurance that circumstances will not influence the relationship we share with one another. The vow that many of us have taken that states "for better or for worse, in sickness and in health" simplifies this concept of trust.
Accountability is one of the biggest components of rebuilding trust. Congressman Weiner should seek an accountability partner with whom he can talk about his struggles and who will hold him accountable to do what is right for his marriage.
My wife and I give each other full access to any and all screen names and computers we may be using at any given time. We know each other's passwords and we have an understanding that if the passwords change, we must inform each other of the change and why. This is not a privacy issue; it is a matter of respect. We respect each other enough to let the other have access to every corner of our lives. It is not a lack of trust, rather a measure of confidence in one another and a willingness to be completely open and transparent. There is no area that is off limits in our marriage. If one of us asks for access to anything it is granted, and a discussion follows with regard to the reasons why, if necessary.
Spouses owe it to each other to be honest and transparent with regards to concerns the other may have and they should always be brought up in a discussion. Not only does transparency and honesty help guard your heart, but it protects your marriage as well.
5) Make his wife feel as if she is the most important person in the world.
This could be one of the most important steps in rebuilding a relationship and maintaining a relationship. Love is a choice; it is not a feeling or an emotion, but rather a conscious decision that is made on a daily basis. My wife and I have discovered that an amazing marriage is a rare bond between a husband and a wife wherein each one knows that they are the most important person in the eyes of their spouse.
An amazing marriage is the result of the choices you make each and every day. Choices about how you will treat your spouse, how you will talk to your spouse, and so much more.
If Congressman Weiner wants his marriage to be truly dynamic and unique, he needs to be purposeful about the choices he makes and exercise a determined effort in rebuilding his relationship. The same can be said of you and me.
Congressman Weiner, you've made some very poor choices. Begin today by choosing to save your marriage and take the necessary steps to rebuilding that which you have begun to destroy. It may be too late for your political career, but your private relationship with your wife is more meaningful and, hopefully, more important.
March 5, 2011
Just joined Goodreads!
I just joined Goodreads this week and am opening up a whole new avenue to contact other authors, book reviewers, and book lovers! The more I learn about the "world of writing & publishing" the more I realize I have to learn!
January 6, 2011
Why You Deserve an Amazing Marriage
Let's begin with an easy question. Why do people settle for a marriage that is "less than amazing?" We would like to suggest a simple answer: Because an amazing marriage takes work. You cannot sit back and just watch it happen. It doesn't evolve over time with little or no effort. It doesn't just happen on its own. An amazing marriage can't be purchased, won, or inherited, and it can't be found on the Internet.
An amazing marriage is the result of the choices you make each and every day. Choices about how you will treat your spouse, the level of respect you will render to your spouse, how you will talk to your spouse, and so much more. You can choose to make your marriage amazing, or you can choose to accept the status quo.
If you want your marriage to be truly dynamic and unique, you need to be purposeful about the choices you make and exercise a determined effort in building your relationship. This can't be a once-in-a-while effort, or a whenever-you-feel-like-it effort, but a consistent and daily effort. You will need to make good choices that demonstrate your commitment to your spouse.
It takes a consistent effort on a daily basis to show your mate that he or she is the most important person in your life. The choices you make will demonstrate your allegiance to your spouse and your marriage. If you are not purposeful and consistent, the best you will achieve in your relationship may be mediocrity. The choice is yours.
An amazing marriage takes daily effort and requires a significant amount of time. It requires a process that grows and evolves over time as you work at it; there is no quick-fix solution you can apply when you feel it is warranted or needed. There may be times when emotions run wild — this is when people say stupid and thoughtless things — and then to avoid a fight or confrontation, a quick-fix solution to minimize the damage may seem like the best choice.
When you apply this approach, you may improve the moment but not the relationship. Repeated quick-fix solutions may have the opposite affect; by hiding and covering up your core challenges again and again, it may be difficult to gain the trust of your spouse when a genuine effort is made. Unfortunately, these Band-Aid approaches usually do more harm than good.
Let's define what an amazing marriage is not. It is not a perfect marriage. It is not a marriage without heartaches and hardships. It is not a marriage without disappointment and pain. It's certainly not a storybook fairy tale that ends with, "and they lived happily ever after." Unfortunately, an amazing marriage is not the norm in society, either.
We have discovered that an amazing marriage is a rare bond between a husband and a wife wherein each one knows that they are the most important person in the eyes of their spouse. It is special and it is unique. We know that this special bond can be realized through a consistent effort and with a daily commitment of putting the other person first, at all times.
Excerpt from "Discovering Your Amazing Marriage" - available on amazon.com; to read more, pick up a copy today at amazon.com or your favorite book seller.
An amazing marriage is the result of the choices you make each and every day. Choices about how you will treat your spouse, the level of respect you will render to your spouse, how you will talk to your spouse, and so much more. You can choose to make your marriage amazing, or you can choose to accept the status quo.
If you want your marriage to be truly dynamic and unique, you need to be purposeful about the choices you make and exercise a determined effort in building your relationship. This can't be a once-in-a-while effort, or a whenever-you-feel-like-it effort, but a consistent and daily effort. You will need to make good choices that demonstrate your commitment to your spouse.
It takes a consistent effort on a daily basis to show your mate that he or she is the most important person in your life. The choices you make will demonstrate your allegiance to your spouse and your marriage. If you are not purposeful and consistent, the best you will achieve in your relationship may be mediocrity. The choice is yours.
An amazing marriage takes daily effort and requires a significant amount of time. It requires a process that grows and evolves over time as you work at it; there is no quick-fix solution you can apply when you feel it is warranted or needed. There may be times when emotions run wild — this is when people say stupid and thoughtless things — and then to avoid a fight or confrontation, a quick-fix solution to minimize the damage may seem like the best choice.
When you apply this approach, you may improve the moment but not the relationship. Repeated quick-fix solutions may have the opposite affect; by hiding and covering up your core challenges again and again, it may be difficult to gain the trust of your spouse when a genuine effort is made. Unfortunately, these Band-Aid approaches usually do more harm than good.
Let's define what an amazing marriage is not. It is not a perfect marriage. It is not a marriage without heartaches and hardships. It is not a marriage without disappointment and pain. It's certainly not a storybook fairy tale that ends with, "and they lived happily ever after." Unfortunately, an amazing marriage is not the norm in society, either.
We have discovered that an amazing marriage is a rare bond between a husband and a wife wherein each one knows that they are the most important person in the eyes of their spouse. It is special and it is unique. We know that this special bond can be realized through a consistent effort and with a daily commitment of putting the other person first, at all times.
Excerpt from "Discovering Your Amazing Marriage" - available on amazon.com; to read more, pick up a copy today at amazon.com or your favorite book seller.
December 6, 2010
Apple Cup Rivalry
Local authors Jason and Debby Coleman have been competing their entire lives. Jason graduated from Sough Kitsap (Port Orchard, WA) in 1985 and Debby from Bremerton High in 1987. Their friends often joked that Wolves and Knights just didn't get along and their relationship would never last. Fast-forward their lives by a few years and they escalate their competing loyalties to the next level. Although neither of them attended a 4-yr university, Jason is a "purple-bleeding" Husky and Debby a tried-and-true loyal Cougar fan.
So it was extremely appropriate that on Apple Cup Saturday this year, they participated in a local authors book signing event at The Bethel Avenue Book Company, Port Orchard, WA, proudly sporting their team colors. None of this may be unique and eye-raising in these parts, except for the fact that they were signing copies of their newly released book, "Discovering Your Amazing Marriage."
Debby says, "Hey, we may disagree on the Apple Cup, but that's part of our message! Husbands and wives will disagree on many things throughout their relationship, but what is important is how you disagree and how you communicate and resolve those disagreements!" Jason adds that, "The majority of issues that any two people in a relationship have can be traced back to poor communication or unmet expectations. In our book we talk about the importance of communication and how to talk through disagreements and the various challenges we face." He went on to say that they specifically chose to wear their opposing team color jackets to the book signing to illustrate that even though there are times in all of our lives that we disagree with our spouse or our mate, we can choose to live in harmony, even with on-going disagreements.
Despite having split loyalties when it comes to schools and sports teams, Jason and Debby have been married for 21 years and their primary focus is to encourage others that marriage can be amazing and it is worth staying together. They have faced challenges in their relationship that go far beyond the pettiness of a football game and have chosen to stay together and make their relationship what it is today. They both say it's not easy, but it's definitely worth it!
Jason quipped, "Every year when we put up our Christmas tree, the Husky and Cougar ornaments are hung at the same level...until the Apple Cup is played. After the game, the winning team ornament moves up to the top of the tree. My Husky ornament proudly moved up several branches this year!"
The book signing event featured more than half a dozen local authors and is an event the book store hosts twice a year. For more information on "Discovering Your Amazing Marriage" visit www.youramazingmarriage.com or amazon at http://amzn.to/e0yyUD.
So it was extremely appropriate that on Apple Cup Saturday this year, they participated in a local authors book signing event at The Bethel Avenue Book Company, Port Orchard, WA, proudly sporting their team colors. None of this may be unique and eye-raising in these parts, except for the fact that they were signing copies of their newly released book, "Discovering Your Amazing Marriage."
Debby says, "Hey, we may disagree on the Apple Cup, but that's part of our message! Husbands and wives will disagree on many things throughout their relationship, but what is important is how you disagree and how you communicate and resolve those disagreements!" Jason adds that, "The majority of issues that any two people in a relationship have can be traced back to poor communication or unmet expectations. In our book we talk about the importance of communication and how to talk through disagreements and the various challenges we face." He went on to say that they specifically chose to wear their opposing team color jackets to the book signing to illustrate that even though there are times in all of our lives that we disagree with our spouse or our mate, we can choose to live in harmony, even with on-going disagreements.
Despite having split loyalties when it comes to schools and sports teams, Jason and Debby have been married for 21 years and their primary focus is to encourage others that marriage can be amazing and it is worth staying together. They have faced challenges in their relationship that go far beyond the pettiness of a football game and have chosen to stay together and make their relationship what it is today. They both say it's not easy, but it's definitely worth it!
Jason quipped, "Every year when we put up our Christmas tree, the Husky and Cougar ornaments are hung at the same level...until the Apple Cup is played. After the game, the winning team ornament moves up to the top of the tree. My Husky ornament proudly moved up several branches this year!"
The book signing event featured more than half a dozen local authors and is an event the book store hosts twice a year. For more information on "Discovering Your Amazing Marriage" visit www.youramazingmarriage.com or amazon at http://amzn.to/e0yyUD.
October 18, 2010
My Thin Place
There is nothing that compares to the feeling of entrapment. The feeling that the walls are closing in around you and there is no escape. The feeling of despair and helplessness. The dreaded feeling that there is no hope. No light at the end of the tunnel.
Please God, let me see a light. Any light. God? Are you there? I remember thinking if a light did suddenly appear in the deep cavern of my tunnel, perhaps it would be a train. Yes, my despair would be over! I would find closure and I would discover solace and peace. Where's the light? God, where are you when I need you the most?
I was completely overwhelmed with circumstances that were not at all what I had hoped them to be. This chapter in my life began with such promise and hope. I had accepted a job transfer to a new state, with the expectation of growth and potential. And within the first year I recall wondering why I ever agreed to do such a fool-hardy thing.
I sold our home…our first home.
We moved away from family, friends, and everything familiar and comfortable. And we moved to this desolate, strange, and awkward new city where we knew no-one. Nothing was familiar and nothing was comfortable.
To make matters worse, the financial impact of the move was painful. The costs were higher than expected and the pay was less than expected. As I anguished over which bills to pay and which to delay, the walls closed in around me.
As my wife and kids complained that they didn't like the schools, the stores, and the restaurants, the walls crept closer and closer. The days began to grow dark and clouds hung low in the sky, stretching from horizon to horizon. My bones were chilled as the wind whipped down through the canyons.
The bills began to accumulate quicker than the autumn leaves. The leaves were easy. Rake 'em and bag 'em. The bills? There was no way I could dispose of them.
The pressures to succeed at work were impossible to bear. The bank accounts were dwindling and the bare necessities were, well, getting very bare. If you've ever anguished over paying the power bill or buying milk for the children, then you know exactly where I was.
I had reached my thin place. The cupboards were thin, my wallet was thin, and my attitude was thin.
And then, when I thought I could reach out and feel the weight of the world crashing down upon me, my God, who promised to provide my every need, came to my rescue. Just as He provided manna for the Israelites, meat and bread to Elijah, and flour and oil that never ran out for the faithful widow, He proved to me that He does indeed own the cattle on a thousand hills. All He needed to do was slaughter one or two. And He did.
Seemingly out of nowhere, I received a call from our pastor and he told me that he knew we were struggling. He asked if there was anything he or the church could do. My pride wanted to say no, but I was beyond thinking of my pride. I told him we couldn't pay the electric bill and that we were dangerously low on groceries.
His reply was simple and immediate. "No problem," he said. "You've been faithful to God and the church, and now it is our time to be there for you." And just like that, when things seemed hopeless, we were thrown a lifeline.
Within a very short time, our finances improved and I was given an opportunity to move back to our home state. We gave birth to our third daughter, eight days before the move and we sold our home the day before we moved. It's funny how our timeframe isn't always His timeframe, but His timing is always perfect.
Over the course of the next year, we made an additional move, received a promotion with my company, and my salary has grown to levels I could only previously hope for. God is so much more to me than just a provider, but through those thin places in my life, He has proven Himself over and over again.
He is ever so faithful, ever so true.
Jason ColemanAuthor"Discovering Your Amazing Marriage"www.youramazingmarriage.com
September 30, 2010
Insurmountable Odds
Every marriage and every relationship has challenges. Some are dealt with quickly and are easily resolved while others pose what appear to be insurmountable barriers. What's a person to do when life deals you a hand that, at first glance, gives you no opportunity for success? In some card games, you can exchange your cards for fresh cards from the deck. Unfortunately, in the game of life and relationships, that's not an option. We are challenged to play out the hand we are dealt and sometimes the odds are beyond hope.
I was dealt such a hand within the first few months of my marriage. When I expected to draw a pair of aces, I realized the cards in my hand didn't amount to anything but disaster. Several months after our fairly tale wedding, while I was still bathing in the joy and excitement of a new life together, I discovered that my wife was involved in an affair.
Life had taken a turn that I had never imagined, and I was facing what most would consider insurmountable odds. It would have been so easy to fold my hand, step away from the table and seek out a different game. I could have cashed in my chips and gone home, saving them for another day. But, against the advice of some, I stayed in the game. I believed that my destiny was yet to be determined, that I could play my hand out and hope for the best.
It wasn't that my wife had decided she no longer loved me. She wasn't tired of me and we didn't have irreconcilable differences. Not to give her any excuses, because she was responsible for her actions and decisions, but she had placed herself in a compromising position with the friends she had hung out with and found herself in a situation she wasn't prepared for. She was influenced by the environment she placed herself in, and I was too preoccupied with pursuing a career to recognize the danger signs.
When I discovered the truth of the affair, I was devastated. I couldn't imagine what had happened to the fairy tale we had begun, but I was determined to write a different ending to the story.
We turned to the pastor of our church for advice, and were appalled at the advice we were given. Break it off. We were told, "You won't make it through, and you don't have too much invested, so break it off. You have every right to leave her, after what she has done. There's no way you can survive this, the odds are against you."
What we heard from this man of God was about as far from what we expected as anything could have been. Isn't the church all about forgiveness and restoration?
My first instinct was to hold on tight and not let her go. The emotional pain was excruciating, but I was not going to let this treasonous act change my destiny. I was going to fight back. I did what any drowning man does, I grasped for any lifeline I could and held on tight.
It wasn't long before I realized that tactic just wouldn't work. The tighter I held on, the further she tried to go. She was young and confused, and didn't really know what she wanted. It was the advice from my mother that made the difference. It was as if I drew a card that changed my hand forever. Mom told me to let her go.
Letting go was one of the hardest decisions I have made in my entire life, but one that I will cherish for as long as I live. For in letting go and giving her what she thought she wanted, she learned something about herself. Once she had what she thought she wanted, her freedom to choose, she realized she didn't want that at all.
I asked her to leave, but told her she needed to leave her ring. I told her I loved her deeply, but she needed to pack up her things and go. We've all heard the cliché that if you let something go and it comes back, it was always yours, but if it doesn't, it never was.
I wasn't sure about that at the time, but I did know that she needed to be forced into facing the reality of her choices and the consequences of her decisions. I wanted to stay in the marriage and make things work, but I needed to know that she wanted that as well. A one-sided relationship will never last.
I don't know exactly what thoughts flooded her mind when she left, but she has since told me that when I told her to leave the ring behind, that was the wake-up call that she needed. She was gone for less than twelve hours when she realized that she was losing everything. She was up all night turning over in her mind how she had allowed herself to come to the point that her actions had put us in, and she was terrified of losing everything we had built together.
When she called me the next morning in tears, we had no idea how we would survive the next few days, but that she was committed to demonstrating to me her remorse and ultimately her love.
That was twenty-one years ago. Today, as I write this, we are celebrating our twenty-first anniversary. Remarkably, we not only survived and avoided defeat, but because we played out our hand, we beat the odds. We ran the table and beat the dealer, hand after hand.
Today we have four beautiful children and a story of forgiveness and triumph. We would never say it was easy or a smooth ride. The trail has been rocky and steep, but we are moving forward and reaching new heights in our relationship on a daily basis. What once seemed like insurmountable odds are now a memory and a life lesson we can share with others. We have discovered what true unconditional love is, and we can truly say that our marriage is amazing.
I was dealt such a hand within the first few months of my marriage. When I expected to draw a pair of aces, I realized the cards in my hand didn't amount to anything but disaster. Several months after our fairly tale wedding, while I was still bathing in the joy and excitement of a new life together, I discovered that my wife was involved in an affair.
Life had taken a turn that I had never imagined, and I was facing what most would consider insurmountable odds. It would have been so easy to fold my hand, step away from the table and seek out a different game. I could have cashed in my chips and gone home, saving them for another day. But, against the advice of some, I stayed in the game. I believed that my destiny was yet to be determined, that I could play my hand out and hope for the best.
It wasn't that my wife had decided she no longer loved me. She wasn't tired of me and we didn't have irreconcilable differences. Not to give her any excuses, because she was responsible for her actions and decisions, but she had placed herself in a compromising position with the friends she had hung out with and found herself in a situation she wasn't prepared for. She was influenced by the environment she placed herself in, and I was too preoccupied with pursuing a career to recognize the danger signs.
When I discovered the truth of the affair, I was devastated. I couldn't imagine what had happened to the fairy tale we had begun, but I was determined to write a different ending to the story.
We turned to the pastor of our church for advice, and were appalled at the advice we were given. Break it off. We were told, "You won't make it through, and you don't have too much invested, so break it off. You have every right to leave her, after what she has done. There's no way you can survive this, the odds are against you."
What we heard from this man of God was about as far from what we expected as anything could have been. Isn't the church all about forgiveness and restoration?
My first instinct was to hold on tight and not let her go. The emotional pain was excruciating, but I was not going to let this treasonous act change my destiny. I was going to fight back. I did what any drowning man does, I grasped for any lifeline I could and held on tight.
It wasn't long before I realized that tactic just wouldn't work. The tighter I held on, the further she tried to go. She was young and confused, and didn't really know what she wanted. It was the advice from my mother that made the difference. It was as if I drew a card that changed my hand forever. Mom told me to let her go.
Letting go was one of the hardest decisions I have made in my entire life, but one that I will cherish for as long as I live. For in letting go and giving her what she thought she wanted, she learned something about herself. Once she had what she thought she wanted, her freedom to choose, she realized she didn't want that at all.
I asked her to leave, but told her she needed to leave her ring. I told her I loved her deeply, but she needed to pack up her things and go. We've all heard the cliché that if you let something go and it comes back, it was always yours, but if it doesn't, it never was.
I wasn't sure about that at the time, but I did know that she needed to be forced into facing the reality of her choices and the consequences of her decisions. I wanted to stay in the marriage and make things work, but I needed to know that she wanted that as well. A one-sided relationship will never last.
I don't know exactly what thoughts flooded her mind when she left, but she has since told me that when I told her to leave the ring behind, that was the wake-up call that she needed. She was gone for less than twelve hours when she realized that she was losing everything. She was up all night turning over in her mind how she had allowed herself to come to the point that her actions had put us in, and she was terrified of losing everything we had built together.
When she called me the next morning in tears, we had no idea how we would survive the next few days, but that she was committed to demonstrating to me her remorse and ultimately her love.
That was twenty-one years ago. Today, as I write this, we are celebrating our twenty-first anniversary. Remarkably, we not only survived and avoided defeat, but because we played out our hand, we beat the odds. We ran the table and beat the dealer, hand after hand.
Today we have four beautiful children and a story of forgiveness and triumph. We would never say it was easy or a smooth ride. The trail has been rocky and steep, but we are moving forward and reaching new heights in our relationship on a daily basis. What once seemed like insurmountable odds are now a memory and a life lesson we can share with others. We have discovered what true unconditional love is, and we can truly say that our marriage is amazing.
September 27, 2010
Old man now...and the importance of Family
43...Fourty Three...FOURTY THREE. Yep, that's me. 43 years now treadin' on this earth. I actually had my 43rd brday (yes, that IS spelled right...in our house anyway) several days ago. I remember that my 40th wasn't too traumatic, and neither was my 43rd. Seemed like, well, just another day in paradise.
I'm thinking about it because we had our family dinner tonight and I got my brday cards and presents today, rather than last Thursday. I came home from the dentists' office to see a bunch of mylar baloons straining against the ribbon as they yearned to sail away into the brisk fall breeze. That was a nice surprise, especially coming on the heels of a semi-annual cleaning at the dentist office.
Did I say cleaning? I meant scraping. You know, you've been there. They poke your gums and scrape away tarter, while lecturing you on your poor flossing habits.
My 18 yr-old daughter is not living with us, but she comes home for dinner every Monday. Our lives have been sooo hectic...2 teenage girls in college, 2 middle-schoolers, my career, my wife's part-time work, our book promotions, our church involvement.
For many months we were all travelling in different directions, so we established Monday nights as Family Dinner nights. It's been a great way to reconnect with our daughter that's away from home (she's only across town), as well as the other kids too.
Our daughter is learning some good life lessons, being responsible for herself, and starting to think about things differently. We are praying for her continuously, and are so happy that she is coming home each week, and that our family is reconnected, if only for a few hours.
If your family life is like ours, with kids and the two parents going in different directions, let me challenge you to find a few hours each week and establish a Family Night of your own. Have dinner. Play games. Or, just sit around the table and talk. We've had some of our best conversations around the dinner table these last several weeks.
Reconnect with your family, before it's too late! After all, nothing is more important than your spouse and your family!
I'm thinking about it because we had our family dinner tonight and I got my brday cards and presents today, rather than last Thursday. I came home from the dentists' office to see a bunch of mylar baloons straining against the ribbon as they yearned to sail away into the brisk fall breeze. That was a nice surprise, especially coming on the heels of a semi-annual cleaning at the dentist office.
Did I say cleaning? I meant scraping. You know, you've been there. They poke your gums and scrape away tarter, while lecturing you on your poor flossing habits.
My 18 yr-old daughter is not living with us, but she comes home for dinner every Monday. Our lives have been sooo hectic...2 teenage girls in college, 2 middle-schoolers, my career, my wife's part-time work, our book promotions, our church involvement.
For many months we were all travelling in different directions, so we established Monday nights as Family Dinner nights. It's been a great way to reconnect with our daughter that's away from home (she's only across town), as well as the other kids too.
Our daughter is learning some good life lessons, being responsible for herself, and starting to think about things differently. We are praying for her continuously, and are so happy that she is coming home each week, and that our family is reconnected, if only for a few hours.
If your family life is like ours, with kids and the two parents going in different directions, let me challenge you to find a few hours each week and establish a Family Night of your own. Have dinner. Play games. Or, just sit around the table and talk. We've had some of our best conversations around the dinner table these last several weeks.
Reconnect with your family, before it's too late! After all, nothing is more important than your spouse and your family!
September 22, 2010
My blogging debut!
Wow...after hearing plenty of advice from other authors that I "have to" start a blog, I finally listened long enough to do something about it. I have plenty to say, particularly about our new book, but not sure where to begin. In my blogging debut, I'll simply introduce myself and my co-author, my bride Debby.
I'm Jason. I married the love of my life, Debby, almost 21 years ago. We will celebrate our 21st anniversary on September 30, 2010. We have four amazing children; the oldest is 19 and our youngest is 11.
We wrote a book about our amazing marriage, and I'll be journaling, I mean, blogging, about it very soon.
I trust that I will have something to say that will resonate with you, and I also trust that I will hear from you. Feel free to submit your comments, questions, or anything that may add to this conversation. I'd rather engage in dialogue, not simply a monologue. It's much more meaningful that way! Not to mention more interesting!
Oh yeah, one more thing about me...we have two annoying cats. I really don't like either one, but I hear one scratching at the back door,so I'd better go let him in. Why do I live with two cats that I detest, you might ask? Because I value my wife and she loves them. Pretty simple, huh?
More about that later too.
Well, thanks for reading...I'll be back soon. Until then, do somethng today to let the love of your life know that he or she is THE MOST AMAZING PERSON in your life!
Marriage IS Amazing!
~ Jason
I'm Jason. I married the love of my life, Debby, almost 21 years ago. We will celebrate our 21st anniversary on September 30, 2010. We have four amazing children; the oldest is 19 and our youngest is 11.
We wrote a book about our amazing marriage, and I'll be journaling, I mean, blogging, about it very soon.
I trust that I will have something to say that will resonate with you, and I also trust that I will hear from you. Feel free to submit your comments, questions, or anything that may add to this conversation. I'd rather engage in dialogue, not simply a monologue. It's much more meaningful that way! Not to mention more interesting!
Oh yeah, one more thing about me...we have two annoying cats. I really don't like either one, but I hear one scratching at the back door,so I'd better go let him in. Why do I live with two cats that I detest, you might ask? Because I value my wife and she loves them. Pretty simple, huh?
More about that later too.
Well, thanks for reading...I'll be back soon. Until then, do somethng today to let the love of your life know that he or she is THE MOST AMAZING PERSON in your life!
Marriage IS Amazing!
~ Jason
