Lee Ellis's Blog, page 338
February 27, 2014
4 Beliefs that Will (Eventually) Lead to a Nervous Breakdown
Editor’s Note: we routinely feature third-party articles that are of interest to us in our continuing work to promote the Leading with Honor message. We hope that this article is informative and enlightening for you.
Original Article Link – Click Here
Anxiety is a powerful drug for entrepreneurs. In the right doses, it can mobilize you into action and make you relentless in the pursuit of your goals. The perfect combination of neurochemicals can keep you in the sweet spot of creative activity without all the burnout.
But when how you think about your work becomes too rigid–veering into an unhealthy belief system dominated by dictates like “must” and “have to”–it’s only a matter of time before you experience the debilitating effects of stress and anxiety.
Here’s a partial list of beliefs that, if undetected, will eventually catch up with you and create a nearly inescapable nervous breakdown.
Everything I do must be perfect.
Perfectionism ranks high among anxiety-inducing beliefs. It typically takes root in childhood, where we learn its value–to buffer us from the criticism of others.
We think, “If I’m perfect, no one can judge me.” We hide our limitations behind the guise of a perfect life, perfect family, perfect home, hoping that no one will notice how flawed we really are.
In an attempt to allay our anxiety, we size everyone up–especially those we’re most threatened by–and compare ourselves to their mold.
It’s a competition you can never win because you’ll never be perfect.
If people really knew me, they’d hate me–and probably want nothing to do with me.
A close cousin to perfectionism is inauthenticity.
At pivotal points in your life you learned that certain behaviors were acceptable and others were not–and if you want to get along in this world you better only show the acceptable parts. When you don’t feel safe to be who you really are, you compartmentalize your identity into acceptable “buckets.”
For some of us, the bucket looks like this–accommodating, agreeable, meek. For others, the bucket is this–blunt, caustic, edgy.
You have your own acceptable bucket. Whatever it contains is the face you show to the world. The unacceptable parts of your personality are the ones you hide from everyone, and probably yourself. But when you remain disconnected from certain aspects of your personality, you cannot be fully yourself, fully alive.
This self-denial leads to an untenable level of disconnection, a breakdown of your identity, and eventual stress.
Talking about emotions are only for the weak.
Emotional Intelligence is important for understanding ourselves, working well with others, and managing our relationships.
Yet avoiding emotions remains one of the last remaining bulwarks of the sharky, start-up life. Most entrepreneurs I encounter hate to talk about their feelings. They would rather harbor their emotions, deal with them personally–or avoid them all together–then move onto the next big idea. Here’s the thing: Emotions are the way you release your stress.
If you’re not talking about them, chances are the stress you’re under doesn’t have a chance to metabolize in your body and work its way out.
Chronically not talking about emotions will only exacerbate the stress you feel.
If I fail, I’ll die. So I’ll kill myself NOT to fail.
On the road to success, we idolize failures as necessary setbacks. We even celebrate them with “Start-up Funerals” and such.
But I wonder if this is just lip service–we know we’re supposed to be OK with failure.
I think if we’re really honest, we’d admit that we hate it. Most of us abhor failure and fight like hell to avoid it.
So, in order NOT to fail, we neglect our health, grow distant from family and friends, feign our own wellbeing so we don’t have to talk about it, and plod on to the next task that ensures our eventual “success.”
If you don’t swiftly course correct, this fear of failure will doom you to workaholic lifestyle that might lead to success, but at what cost?
Readers, what beliefs give you debilitating anxiety? What would you add to the list and how do you cope?
Related Articles:
Soar Higher, or Crash and Burn? Great Leaders Embrace the Power of Belief
The Paradox of Faith vs. Reality – How to Create Your Leadership Vision
February 26, 2014
Special Thanks for Leaders Sharing Honorable Leadership Principles
Pictured: MSgt Ryan Edwards USAF and his family
Special thanks to MSgt Ryan Edwards USAF serving at Eglin AFB, FL for the following comment and request –
“Hello. I am a MSGT in the USAF and I really enjoyed the book. I hand it out to my Airmen every month as a reward for being the superior performer for the month. I’d like to purchase 40 books in bulk so that all my Airmen could have one. I truly believe this book has bettered me as a leader, and courage in leadership is something more people need to have.”
Read more about the leadership lessons that Ryan mentions at www.LeadingWithHonor.com
February 19, 2014
New C-SPAN Q&A Interview with Brian Lamb – Hear Lee Ellis’ Dramatic Leadership Lessons Learned as a Vietnam POW
What is the greatest mission, vision, and values statement that Lee has ever heard in his career?
Find out and hear more leadership lessons learned in this new interview with Lee Ellis and Brian Lamb on C-SPAN Q&A last weekend – click here to watch on our website, and share your comments.
February 18, 2014
How to Press Through Physically and Mentally During a Leadership Challenge
When under stress or trial, how can you press through physically and mentally and emerge a stronger person and leader?
Lee briefly shares how he focused on staying fit during his Vietnam POW experience—see if his words ring true with you and be inspired!
February 17, 2014
Facing a Critical Leadership Challenge Right Now? Read About this Life Experience from the Honorable Orson Swindle
Facing a critical leadership challenge right now? Read about the Vietnam POW experience from another perspective. This new interview article focuses on the thoughts and memories Lee’s close friend and comrades, The Honorable Orson Swindle.
Read about his personal strategy for withstanding the physical, mental, and emotional torture, and share your thoughts – Click this link to read now.
February 13, 2014
New C-Span Lee Ellis Interview on Sunday, February 17th – See Enclosed
This Weekend on C-Span! Lee talks with C-Span Founder and Executive Chairman, Brian Lamb, on his popular program, Q&A, on more personal, intimate details of his POW experience and how he has adapted those lessons learned into teaching and consulting others today.
This is one of Lee’s best interviews to date, so we wanted to share this special broadcast information with you. Air dates will be Sunday, 2/16 @ 8pm and 11pm EST and Monday, 2/17 at 6am EST. Click the link below for local listings information in your area, and please share!
Warm Regards,
The FreedomStar Media Team
Three Leaderships Lessons From Janis Joplin by Shelley Row
(Editor’s Note: Shelley Row learns “3 Leadership Lessons from Janis Joplin”—yep, that’s right! Her insights will intrigue you—read her article below and share your thoughts. The original article link can accessed here.)
By Shelley Row
Yes, you read that correctly: Leadership lessons from Janis Joplin. I know. I’m surprised, too. My husband and I, along with several friends, saw “One Night with Janis Joplin” at Arena Stage in Washington, DC. I never expected a lesson in leadership from a make-believe Janis Joplin concert. Right off the bat let me be clear – I barely remember Janis Joplin, and growing up with a band director, Lt Colonel for a father, Janis Joplin’s music was never going to come within a mile of our house. I’d be hard pressed to name a single Janis Joplin song – until that night’s performance. So I’m not here to glorify her, her music or her lifestyle. But I do want to share the unexpected leadership lessons.
Authenticity.
Janis grew up as a misfit until she found her niche – singing the blues. Lots of people find music but she felt it more keenly – or maybe she allowed herself to feel it more. In an interview with Dick Cavett he asked what she was thinking as she performed. She said, “I’m not really thinking. I’m just trying to feel.” And feel she did. Her feelings burst through in her performances with raw and tangible emotion. On stage was perhaps the place where she could be most authentic.
Today, much is written about the need for leaders to be authentic. In my research on the role of intuition in leadership I find that leaders from all backgrounds are self-aware, know their values, and align their behaviors with their values. It creates authenticity. It’s safe to say that those leaders “feel” the connection between who they are as a person and who they are as a leader. And, they communicate it with less screaming than Janis’ vocals.
Commitment.
The most striking lesson is commitment. When Janis performed, she Committed – with a capital C. There was no doubt that everything inside her was left on the stage and in the lap of the audience. Janis said, “If I hold back, I’m no good. I’d rather be good sometimes, than holding back all of the time.”
Bravo for her. Hard for most of us. And, I think, hard for her, too. We underestimate what it takes to be that committed. For any artist who has painted a work of art, written a book, recited poetry, or acted in a play (or written a blog about Janis Joplin) – it takes courage to put yourself on display for everyone to see. Most of us hedge – we try a little bit, test the waters; or monitor others’ reactions. What would your leadership be like if you were committed with a capital C; if you weren’t hedging, camouflaging, and ooching along?
Vulnerability.
Here’s the thing about commitment, it leaves you vulnerable. I watched the performer who played Janis Joplin (and later the videos of the real Janis) sing her heart out – literally. Both of them made it clear that a performance is not something detached from you – it is you. Whether you wish it or not, you open yourself to commentary and dissection. It is not for the faint-hearted.
In Brené Brown’s book, “Daring Greatly.” She defines vulnerability as uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure. In her research she asks people how vulnerability feels. Answers included:
• Going out on a limb- a very, very high limb.
• It feels like fear, every single time.
• Being all in.
Exactly.
Being all in leaves us open to vulnerability and that is scary. I feel the fear just thinking about it. Janis must have, too, but there was something inside her that made her prefer opening herself with every song than to play to others’ approval. Part of being a leader is finding the courage to act in spite of the vulnerability. Brené talks about her feelings of vulnerability as she stepped onto the TED stage. She said to herself, “Give me the courage to show up and let myself be seen.”
What would authentic, committed and vulnerable leadership look like?
• More audacious; less wary.
• More willing to trust yourself; less hedging.
• More willing to try, fail, and try; less worried about what “should” be done.
Janis didn’t hedge; she wasn’t wary and she certainly didn’t worry about the “shoulds.” When I think back on my own leadership behaviors, I can’t say the same. I hedged, ooched and worried. I wore the armor of caution and others’ approval, and – I don’t think I’m alone.
I could have done better. So what about your leadership? What kind of leader is inside hoping to be set free? What would it be like to go out there tomorrow and do the thing you know needs to be done; the thing you’d do if you were all in; the thing you’d do if there was no fear? What if you just stepped up and did it?
Let’s lead like Janis sang – authentic, committed and vulnerable. It’s about being all in. If she were here, she’d say, “Oh! Yeah, man!”
February 12, 2014
The Latest Recommendation from Lee’s Bookshelf – “Horse Soldiers” by Doug Stanton
Very simply, this modern, true story is about military soldiers trying to survive a harrowing situation against the Taliban army in the Afghan war. They were told very little about their mission and didn’t know what they were facing.
If you need an inspirational story about persevering against an impossible situation, read this book and be encouraged. Click here to learn more.
And if you’ve read this book, please share your comments –
LE
Related Articles:
The Latest Recommendation from Lee’s Bookshelf – “Exceeding Expectations: Reflections on Leadership”
Happy Birthday, President Lincoln – Examining His Leadership Legacy
After surveying hundreds of leaders about President Abraham Lincoln’s leadership ability to achieve great results amidst unbearably difficult circumstances, these attributes rose to the top in Lee Ellis’ research.
Download a free copy of Lee’s case study on this topic from our website, and please share!
February 10, 2014
Vision in Leadership – A Fighter Pilot’s Perspective
Fighter pilots understand the importance of vision, but let’s take it a step deeper.
In the context of leadership, Lee was recently asked, “How important is it that the leader define and communicate vision in order to build and sustain a high-performance team?”
His answer – “It is essential. Clarity is always job number one. People must know where they are going, how they are going to get there, and in today’s world why they are doing it.”
Do you agree? Comments welcome…
Related Articles:
Leadership and Teamwork: Record-Breaking 24-Mile Free Fall – Watch the Video
The Paradox of Faith vs. Reality – How to Create Your Leadership Vision
