Lee Ellis's Blog, page 154

Coaching Article – Rescue Work Relationships with the Platinum Rule

By Lee Ellis

Communicating and working with an opposite personality can be a daunting task, and it takes a mature level of interpersonal skill to do it effectively. But there’s a foundational rule that can help.

In our training workshops, we talk about managing differences by analyzing the strengths and struggles of two people with opposite natural talents—the very successful outside salesman Jason and the very successful systematic, accurate accountant, Sophia. Now let’s look at them working together as teammates.

Oil and Water Don’t Naturally Mix

Clearly, these two are like night and day—oil and water—and they don’t appear to go together. The irony is that not only do you need both people operating at full engagement, but they need each other and can make a great team if they work together toward a Platinum Rule relationship. We use this term a lot in our DNA Behavior training because it’s simple, and it complements the Golden Rule.

“The Platinum Rule says – ‘Do unto others as they would like to be done unto.’” [Tweet This]

Lee describes it further in this month’s Leading with Honor Coaching—please watch this brief clip and add your comments as you watch –



It turns out that this is one of the most powerful ways to enable action and carry out the Golden Rule. The Platinum rule is about accepting (and even celebrating) someone’s differences in the same way that we would like others to accept and celebrate ours. It’s easy to affirm someone’s strengths but becomes a challenge (and thus, a true gift) when we learn to accept the struggles that come with them.

Consider Others and Adapt

In our example of Sophia and Jason, the Platinum Rule means that each must adapt some of their natural ‘go to’ behaviors when they are together to relate to the other person the way they (the other person) prefer as opposed to demanding they adapt to them. If the reserved (and distant) Sophia acts friendlier to Jason and he limits his effusive expression around her, their dynamics can change dramatically. This tactic goes back to the leverage gained by adapting; a little change can make a big difference and immediately provides two benefits:

Each person is showing respect and gaining respect from the other, thus increasing trust.
Adapting brings out the best in both and facilitates alignment so they can work better together.

As you might suspect, adapting to align our behaviors with others can be a very challenging undertaking and requires a great deal of self-awareness. But you can see that managing differences by considering both strengths and struggles are needed for good collaboration. With this minor adjustment, these two individuals can be more productive and less stressed each day.

Teams and the Platinum Rule

Now, let’s consider Sophia and Jason’s scenario in the context of a larger team. Teams are collections of individuals, and each one is unique and that means there will be some differences. Differences naturally divide, yet teams need cohesion, trust, and unity.

“When people know themselves and understand that others are different, they can learn to accept and respect differences.” [Tweet This]

This is also where the Platinum Rule comes into play. We can adapt our behaviors to fit their needs to bridge the gap of differences.

With this understanding and the essential qualities of acceptance and respect, people learn to value the unique talents of others. This makes it much easier to set aside judgment and skepticism and allow others to be themselves. Many of us learned that most of what we see in others’ behaviors are not about how they experience or react to us. It’s simply people being themselves, and we don’t need to take it personally.

So much of what gets in the way of relationships is that we focus first on others’ struggles, which can impact how we relate to them. The bottom line is that the behaviors of others who are quite different from us usually irritate us, and we judge them because they don’t respond the way that we might respond in any given situation. It’s so easy to take their conduct personally or judge it as a character problem, when in fact, it’s just their struggles—part of their unique DNA. And it’s likely that they are not seeing our struggles clearly either.

These insights, often gained in face-to-face team workshop experiences, accelerate trust allowing transparency and vulnerability, which lead to even more trust. The foundation for this more accepting perspective is anchored in people gaining self-awareness and self-confidence that comes from accepting themselves as okay while not being perfect.

LE

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NEW! The Debut of Lee and Hugh’s New Book 

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Every human is unique — and the best leaders know why this might be an advantage. Learn how embracing different talents and abilities, both our own and those of others, can lead to more effective leadership and success.

Grounded in statistical research and supported by data from millions of clients and more than 45 years of workplace experience, Lee Ellis and Hugh Massie reveal their personal stories and experience on how they’ve successfully helped organizations achieve their goals by applying practical insights on human design.

Order Your Copy

Additional discount available for bulk orders.

“…There are few that have made significant strides on making ‘knowing yourself’ operational and real as Lee and Hugh have in this marvelous book. Reading this book is a compelling adventure. If you follow the path, you will change for the better!” – Richard Boyatzis, Co-author of the international best seller, Primal Leadership and the new Helping People Change

“This is the book that I have longed for during my decades in managing talent. Having seen the positive impact of DNA Behavior on my teams, this is a must-read for leaders who desire to build strong teams by accelerating natural talents in an authentic and lasting way.” – Belva White, CPA, MBA, Vice President for Finance & Treasury, Emory University

 

 

 

 

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An Inspirational Story of Leadership Influence

A great story on the leadership influence that we can have on others, and the need to look past behavioral issues and be more intuitive. It’s a challenge (and opportunity) for all of us who call ourselves honorable leaders – be encouraged!

“As she stood in front of her 5th grade class on the very first day of school, she told the children an untruth. Like most teachers, she looked at her students and said that she loved them all the same. However, that was impossible, because there in the front row, slumped in his seat, was a little boy named Teddy Stoddard.

Mrs. Thompson had watched Teddy the year before and noticed that he did not play well with the other children, that his clothes were messy and that he constantly needed a bath. In addition, Teddy could be unpleasant.

It got to the point where Mrs. Thompson would actually take delight in marking his papers with a broad red pen, making bold X’s and then putting a big “F” at the top of his papers.

At the school where Mrs. Thompson taught, she was required to review each child’s past records and she put Teddy’s off until last. However, when she reviewed his file, she was in for a surprise.

Teddy’s first grade teacher wrote, “Teddy is a bright child with a ready laugh. He does his work neatly and has good manners… he is a joy to be around..”

His second grade teacher wrote, “Teddy is an excellent student, well liked by his classmates, but he is troubled because his mother has a terminal illness and life at home must be a struggle.”

His third grade teacher wrote, “His mother’s death has been hard on him. He tries to do his best, but his father doesn’t show much interest and his home life will soon affect him if some steps aren’t taken.”

Teddy’s fourth grade teacher wrote, “Teddy is withdrawn and doesn’t show much interest in school. He doesn’t have many friends and he sometimes sleeps in class.”

By now, Mrs. Thompson realized the problem and she was ashamed of herself. She felt even worse when her students brought her Christmas presents, wrapped in beautiful ribbons and bright paper, except for Teddy’s. His present was clumsily wrapped in the heavy, brown paper That he got from a grocery bag Mrs. Thompson took pains to open it in the middle of the other presents. Some of the children started to laugh when she found a rhinestone bracelet with some of the stones missing, and a bottle that was one-quarter full of perfume.. But she stifled the children’s laughter when she exclaimed how pretty the bracelet was, putting it on, and dabbing some of the perfume on her wrist. Teddy Stoddard stayed after school that day just long enough to say, “Mrs. Thompson, today you smelled just like my Mom used to.” After the children left, she cried for at least an hour.

On that very day, she quit teaching reading, writing and arithmetic. Instead, she began to teach children. Mrs. Thompson paid particular attention to Teddy. As she worked with him, his mind seemed to come alive. The more she encouraged him, the faster he responded. By the end of the year, Teddy had become one of the smartest children in the class and, despite her lie that she would love all the children the same, Teddy became one of her “teacher’s pets..”

A year later, she found a note under her door, from Teddy, telling* her that she was still the best teacher he ever had in his whole life.

Six years went by before she got another note from Teddy. He then wrote that he had finished high school, third in his class, and she was still the best teacher he ever had in life.

Four years after that, she got another letter, saying that while things had been tough at times, he’d stayed in school, had stuck with it, and would soon graduate from college with the highest of honors. He assured Mrs. Thompson that she was still the best and favorite teacher he had ever had in his whole life.

Then four more years passed and yet another letter came. This time he explained that after he got his bachelor’s degree, he decided to go a little further. The letter explained that she was still the best and favorite teacher he ever had. But now his name was a little longer…. The letter was signed, Theodore F. Stoddard, MD.

The story does not end there. You see, there was yet another letter that spring. Teddy said he had met this girl and was going to be married. He explained that his father had died a couple of years ago and he was wondering if Mrs. Thompson might agree to sit at the wedding in the place that was usually reserved for the mother of the groom.

Of course, Mrs. Thompson did. And guess what? She wore that bracelet, the one with several rhinestones missing. Moreover, she made sure she was wearing the perfume that Teddy remembered his mother wearing on their last Christmas together.

They hugged each other, and Dr. Stoddard whispered in Mrs. Thompson’s ear, “Thank you Mrs. Thompson for* believing in me. Thank you so much for making me feel important and showing me that I could make a difference.”

Mrs. Thompson, with tears in her eyes, whispered back. She said, “Teddy, you have it all wrong. You were the one who taught me that I could make a difference. I didn’t know how to teach until I met you.”

(For you that don’t know, Teddy Stoddard is the Dr. at Iowa Methodist Hospital in Des Moines that has the Stoddard Cancer Wing.)

Warm someone’s heart today. . . pass this along. I love this story so very much, I cry every time I read it. Just try to make a difference in someone’s life today? tomorrow? Just “do it”.

Random acts of kindness, I think they call it?”

 

 

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Watch the Webinar Replay – “The Competitive Advantage of Managing Behavioral Differences”

Watch the replay of the webinar “The Competitive Advantage of Managing Behavioral Differences”.

On your own time, learn about harnessing and managing unique people difference to maximize individual, team, and organizational success and productivity. Featured Lee Ellis and Hugh Massie, the co-authors of Leadership Behavior DNA: Discovering Natural Talents and Managing Differences.

Click to Register and Instantly Watch On-Demand

 

 

 

 

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On This Day in Leadership History, February 9th

On this day in leadership history in 1960, the first star was placed on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. The star was for Joanne Woodward.

What’s the leadership lesson? Honorable leaders seek out ways to affirm, recognize, and honor their team members. Be diligent in doing it as often as possible—with authenticity.

Hollywood Walk of Fame – Wikipedia

 

 

 

 

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Leading with Honor Wisdom for Today, February 7, 2020

“Strength lies in differences, not in similarities.” – Stephen Covey

 

 

 

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How Free are You as a Leader? Here’s the Checklist

Over 30 ways to lead with more freedom! Leadership freedom is about knowing yourself and being authentic—shedding away layers of protection that keep you from growing. This free checklist infographic has been downloaded by thousands of people wanting to assess where they are in being an honorable leader. 

Check it out and see where you stand…

 

 

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3 Quick Goal-Setting Tips for the New Year

3 Quick Goal-Setting Tips from Leading with Honor – Already feeling that pressure about goals for the New Yea? Here are three tips that will help us achieve our goals this year –  

Remember how you have sacrificed in the past and the reward that came from your suffering.

As a Vietnam POW, when you have eaten nothing but a bowl of thin soup and a piece of bread or cup of rice twice a day for weeks, months, years, you know you can eat almost anything and survive well on a lot less than the typical American diet. What seemed like sacrifice became the accepted way of life because it was the only way to achieve our goals. You also have examples where you’ve paid the price—reflect on them.

Use determination and discipline to overcome your fears.

When you sacrifice (and even suffer) to achieve an important goal, it’s fear that you have to combat. As a writer, I have to fight off the “fear of failure” voices in my head telling me “this is no good” and “who would read this?” We must fight back, knowing that once we kick fear out of the way, we’ll find that sacrifice helps us reach beyond ourselves and find success. Lean into the pain of your doubts and fears and do what’s needed to achieve your worthy goal.

Make your goal public and enlist a support team to encourage you along the way.

The wisdom of the ages is that you should never fight alone. In the POW camps, we would risk our lives to reach out to isolated teammates. Victory is usually a team effort and especially when you’re fighting discouragement. Who will encourage and support you when things get tough, and help you stay the course?

What’s your decision? You can sacrifice this year to grow, change, achieve, and reach a higher level!  Please post your wisdom below.

Also, read the entire article on this topic – “3 Leadership Goal-Setting Behaviors for 2020”

 

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Video Interview – “Why is behavioral adaptability necessary for leadership?”

As a leader, do you find yourself having to adapt your behavior and leadership more than ever? This is a key topic covered in the new book Leadership Behavior DNA: Discovering Natural Talents and Managing Differences by Lee Ellis and Hugh Massie.

Watch their brief answers to the question, “Why is behavioral adaptability necessary for leadership?”

You can purchase your copy here.

 

 

 

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Georgia Military Veterans Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony

Lee was honored to attend the Unveiling Ceremony of the 15 framed citations and photos of the Georgia Military Veterans Hall of Fame (GMVHF) Class of 2019.

Lee and the 14 other inductees brought the total to 115 brave and selfless Georgians who have been inducted into this rare and noble hall of fame for our great state since its inception in 2013.

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I’m pictured here with Col. Paul Longgrear. He is the founder and Executive Director of the GMVHF, fellow Vietnam veteran, and retired colonel US Army at the ceremony today. Please learn more about their important work.

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On This Day in Leadership History, February 2nd

On this day in leadership history in 1962, the 8th and 9th planets aligned for the first time in 400 years.

What’s the leadership lesson? Honorable leaders must be patient yet persistent to get unity with your team members. Focus on listening and building those relationships–it’s worth the wait.

Neptune – Wikipedia

Pluto – Wikipedia

 

 

 

 

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