Zoe E. Whitten's Blog, page 64

One more for my homies…

After all the other stories I covered today, running the spectrum of gay rights, trans rights, and race bating in the GOP elections, a story about pot arrests seems almost trivial. Except these arrests are being made illegally by the police in direct contradiction to the orders they've been given, AND, the amounts of pot they're busting people for ISN'T a misdemeanor crime, even if they're charging the people with misdemeanors. So the cops are enforcing their own illegal forms of vigilante justice against potheads, even after the higher-ups said, "Knock it off already."

It should be obvious that being a pothead, I have a bias here. Let me people go! yanno? But it seems to me that if cops were told to stop violating peoples' rights with stop-and-frisk procedures, those cops should start paying fines for every arrest they attempt to make that violates the mandates handed down to them by their superiors. Why? Because what they're doing is insubordination, and by choosing to enforce their own rules over the letter of the law, the police are now in violation of the same laws.

I'm not one to suggest throwing them all out, because I do see a social need for police and their services. But, if those dirty pigs want to break the law, stiff their fuckin' paycheck, man. If they do it again, suspend them for a few day and fine them. That's a double whammy on their checks for breaking the law. And if they still can't be bothered to stop fluffing wimpy casual drug charges to fill their bust quotas, fire them and take away all their money. Like a wise man once said, "Fuckin' with your cash supply is the only thing you kids seem to understand!" (Bonus points if you know where that's from.)

And can I be real for a second? Like, we've done a million medical studies on marijuana and found it medicinally useful, non-toxic, non-addicting, and non-harmful to the lungs even with extended use. Long term use does not result in poor health, and it acts as an effective treatment to many illness, mine included. There is no valid reason to restrict it, and by making it a cash crop that legal farmers could grow, it would be a tax boom from a new revenue source, something I believe the US economy could use right about now.

So even if you aren't a pothead, I want you to think long and hard about why we need a "war" on a drug that isn't harmful, and might be economically beneficial to everyone, even people who don't smoke. Sound good? So, whoever wins this next election, let's talk to them about making more greenbacks by letting farmers grown some stinky mean green.

You call that a dog-whistle, cracker?

I'm going to double up a couple posts here to talk about this topic, and for a moment, I'll have to talk about politics. Boiling water is on standby so I can scrape myself clean afterwards, but before I begin, I want to point out, I am not a dirty liberal leftist Democrat. Nay, I am a moderate polyamorist communist. There's never been a candidate in the running who came close to representing my views, so I can always be relied upon to see the bad in both parties, and to rarely see their good sides. So even if I'm ribbing on the other guys for a change of pace, don't pat me on the back cause you think I joined your side, or that I endorse your guy. That way lies hurt feelings when I point out your party is also full of douchebags next week.

But let's talk about the GOP debates and the so-called "dog-whistle" language being used to bait racists. First, look at this Bloomberg post and read through some of the claims made by white GOP politicians about blacks, which is all done in an effort to win the votes of racist white southerners. (And northerners who pretend that their forms of racism are really rational social ideals, not the same thing as the backwards bible preaching those goober hicks in the south believe.) Knowing that these people are appealing to the racist vote, I thought it might also be relevant to post this article, which lists black victims who have been lynched in the US after the civil war.

I do this because these white voters are the descendents of people who thought murdering blacks asking for equality made them righteous. Now they don't want to talk about those old days, but they do mutter how "the south will rise again." They still believe in white supremacy, and they still would love to string a few more blacks up, maybe even revive slavery. Let us not coddle language and allow a racist to hide behind "dog whistles." When Newt Gingrich says that black kids should be janitors, that's not a fucking dog-whistle call anyway. That's blatant fucking racism.

BUT, it's not deemed racism by the white majority so long as the white media outlets continue to call it "masked sentiments." There's nothing masked about this, any more than Ronnie Reagan was wearing a mask when he coined the term welfare queens. It's a way to continually demonize blacks as the real reason America sucks. Not evil bankers. Not politicians who promise one thing and deliver environmental disasters, war, and fear mongering. Not rich white men who own everything and drive political wedges in the population using their media conglomerates. NO! The real problem is poor people with weak political influence and few resources to combat the prevailing media message that "all's well."

The bigger problem is, the left is enabling this racism because they keep pointing to Obama being in office as proof of their racial "mission accomplished." And much like the GOP president they criticized for living in a bubble, white people on the left do not want to admit that electing Obama actually served to make race valid to racists all over again. That's why Newt is up there using old boy speeches to garner the racist votes. Because enough whites are afraid that blacks really are taking over that this tactic has seemed viable to him.

So what if the vast majority of the government is still white? The dude in the white house is black, and that means "they're taking over." So the racists are galvanized now, and along comes this asshole saying exactly what they want to hear. The white media outlets may cluck their tongues at this tactic, but the fact they don't acknowledge is, that language goes a long way toward creating a platform for Newt. And if that's working as a tactic, even in a few states, then no, the white left has not accomplished any mission toward racial equality. Racism is still alive and well, even with Obama in office. We all need to own that fact, even white voters on the left who genuinely aren't racist.

The other problem is GOP voters who always fall back on the defense that they are not really racist even if they voted for the white guy using racist language to court the south. No, these GOP voters are "fiscally conservative," and cannot vote Democrat because they will "just spend it on social programs." (Which is traditionally also used as a dog-whistle for "black people funds," incidentally.) So even though there hasn't been a GOP president who didn't incur huge debts and inflation, the voters still keep claiming that they're really voting for the sake of their wallets. Fiscal conservatism of this sort is willful ignorance at best, and polite buzzwords to cover racism at worst.

The first step we have to take in stopping racism is to stop making apologies for racist language and calling it something else like "dog whistling." This is bating the racists, and we need our media to point this out instead of downplaying the tactic as being "edgy." There is nothing edgy about clinging to values that should have been dead two centuries ago.

That white conservatives don't condemn Newt for his antics goes to show how racist many of them are, and I really don't care how many black friends they claim to have. Their politics have always shown their true colors, and that's why I don't cotton to the claim that Newt isn't really racist, that he's just using a bait to get a certain kind of voter. If he wasn't racist, he would find this tactic to be repulsive. But he fucking wallows in racism like a pig in shit. He smiles and laughs as he says these things. No, this is not just a white man trying to win the votes of the south. This is a full on racist, and the whole election would have been better served if someone in the media early on had called him on this and dogged him about it until he dropped out or admitted that he was soliciting hate groups.

We need to stop letting racists off the hook with platitudes that they don't really mean what they say. And we cannot walk away and pretend this isn't happening, because that will lead to more back sliding, not to any form of social progress. Stay in this fight, and be prepared to call someone out when they try the same things that Gingrich is. And for the love of God, will someone call out Newt before we get to the primaries? Can we possibly send BET to put a mic in Newt's grill and tell him, "Cracker, you're a motherfucking racist, so how are you going to get the black vote now that you've positioned yourself as a fan of the white man only?"

No? Well then I guess we should get used to the rise of more "dog-whistling" in future elections.

Injustice at every turn…

This is the article you should expect a full blown rant on, because a survey was given to trans and gender non-conforming people by The National Gay and Lesbian Task Force to ask them about the quality of their lives. The results are every bit as grim as I've come to expect. Our people are more likely to live in extreme poverty, to live in abusive situations, and to be drug abusers. We're also much more likely to commit suicide, and no other group comes close to us for attempted suicides. This is not a record to be happy about. It's like being the state with the highest number of people killed in one shooting spree, a statistic you're really rather not have anyone bring up, ever. Sadly, though, this kind of report needs to be brought up, often. Or else the next report of the same type will have even worse numbers to report.

Trans people are abused by the police routinely, and trans POC are even more likely to be profiled and harassed, even if they have never committed any crimes. It's good enough to be black and trans to be arrested. Once they're arrested, they may be harassed, tortured, or sexually assaulted, usually without any hope of finding justice. In fact, I'd like to quote the NGLTF's detail on black respondents to help you understand how bad this is:

The National Transgender Discrimination Survey [NTDS] measured transgender people's experiences of discrimination. The survey results showed that transgender people faced bias that affects all areas of life. However, one of the most important findings was that the combination of anti-transgender with structural and individual racism meant that transgender people of color experience particularly devastating levels of discrimination. Therefore, this document, Injustice at Every Turn: A Look at Black Respondents in the National Transgender Discrimination Survey, produced in collaboration with the National Black Justice Coalition and the National Center for Transgender Equality, is the first of a series of factsheets designed to specifically shine a light on the experiences of transgender people of color.

So, it's still possible in this day to be discriminated against for being trans, or for being black, but combine those, and you've got hell on all sides, even racism from your white trans and gay allies. So you run to your black family and former friends to complain about racism, and they tell you "We don't care what you think cause you're a queer." Nice, huh?

But I've pretty much blown myself out on rants, and there's nothing in this survey that I haven't already bitched about last year. If you weren't paying attention and you'd like to see an itemized list of how bad things are for the trans community, go look at the abstract, and if you're really brave, go for the full reports. When you combine this story with the other stories I have to show today, you begin to notice, however, the main problem isn't that our enemies got stronger. It's that our straight white allies on the left stopped fighting. They didn't change over to new fights. They just stopped caring about civil rights. The closest many can come to caring is thinking really hard about how unfair life is for others. But they feel no need to get up and join protest rallies, or to write letters to elected bigots. They feel no need to join the fight again, even as the news delivers daily updates that the other side is making gains in all forms of prejudice and discrimination. At best, they say, "This is terrible. Somebody should do something."

No, not somebody. You should do something. You know that to win this fight, you have to actually be willing to fight. You can't sit down and talk it out with prejudiced people. You fucking argue with them every day, every step of the way, or else they'll take your silence as your acceptance of their views as right.

And when I tell a lot of you people this, you get mad at me for "rocking the boat." That wasn't me rocking it. That was someone being violently raped. I shout, "look at that rape!" and you shout back, "shut up, I'd rather stay ignorant and happy!"

So let us review: I am the activist telling you that you have to stay mad and stay committed to fight for full equality, or you're not an ally, and you're the couch potato complaining that ally should mean "I tolerate your existence" and nothing more. It shouldn't be hard to see that you're the one here who needs to make improvements. But hey, isn't it just easier to get pissed and shoot the messenger for pointing out, again, "You're not doing so great in the humanitarian department"?

Gay bullying, and why we need to adress ALL bullying…

For the first story of the day, Rolling Stone has an article highlighting one high school with a huge spike in gay suicides, due in large part to the staff ignoring the bullying of queer students. The story is hard to read, especially so for me because I dealt with both verbal abuse and physical violence throughout school and ended up dropping out of high school to get away from the other kids. If my father hadn't let me drop out, I think I could have very well become suicidal. Instead, I just gave up on having a higher education.

Now, when I tell people my story, they sprinkle fluff over my bitterness by telling me I'm brave. I'm not brave. I was just abused for so long that I can no longer be afraid of threats of pain, or of shunning. Society's weapons hold no power over my but that isn't bravery. It's familiarity with the wounds left by social weapons.

People try to tell me that if it hadn't been for those bullies, I wouldn't be the person I am today. That too is fluff, because it ignores that if I wasn't bullied, I might have been sane and healthy enough to adopt kids in my mid-twenties. Instead, I lived a life of misery until I was 28, and now, I live with many, many regrets for all the things the bullies stole from me. I can never have kids, and my emotional scars will never heal because there is nothing to act as a salve. Even looking to the future in hope that the next generation will have it better leaves my scars raw and as risk of rupturing open if I pick at them too long.

But despite all the harm it causes to victims like me, people don't seek to stop bullying. They seek to placate the victims. People have said for as long as I can recall that if we ignore bullying, it will go away. You were lying then, and you're lying now. But this is a lie that keeps going around, and no one is ever allowed to talk about alternatives. It's almost like you like seeing queer kids tortured, because straight kids are encouraged to look for targets to vent their privileged aggressions on. When queer kids complain that something should be done, the schools officials find ways to…silence the queers and force them to keep suffering abuse day in and day out. It's federally mandated torture in a years-long gauntlet, and there is no escape. But if you make it out the other side…the discrimination still continues, but in shorter bursts. It gets better? The hell it does, Dan. The hell it does.

Don't be happy for me that I survived years of abuse. Don't be proud of me that I stood up to bullying in my late twenties. Be mad that I was pushed out of high school. Be mad that the bullies still rule the hallways, and that the teachers who swear to protect all kids instead only watch out for the kids they morally approve of. Be mad that bullying is still not seen as a problem, even after it spreads out to include racism, sexism, and sexual assaults. After all, it's not like these bullies aren't our next generation of politician and middle managers, and there's absolutely no reason whatsoever to rein in their entitled control freak urges, is there?

I'll leave you to think on that.

Prepare thineselves for the flood…

If the earlier days of the week were a slow news day, the latter half of yesterday brought with it dozens of stories that were all important, and that I wanted to showcase here. But it got to the point where I was holding polls with myself to try and decide which item needed air time more, and I couldn't choose because the scope of several of the stories is so huge, it isn't possible to say that any one story is more important.

I realized that the best thing to do would be to present a shorter post for some of these stories and let the other blogs handle the job of filling in the big blanks I'll leave behind. I'm pointing out the issues, and from there it's up to you how much more information you need on these stories.

But before I get to that, I want to talk about causes and allies, because these are two vastly different things. I'm bringing this up because you may notice a story is missing from the list of recent blog posts, that being the case of Komen for the Cure's removal of funding from Planned Parenthood. People who follow me on Twitter know that I was retweeting the story itself, but they may have also noticed how I didn't retweet links for donating to Planned Parenthood.

Why? Because Planned Parenthood has a long history of being anti-trans. As such, I could never consider them an ally. I can recognize that they do useful things for other women, and I can point out the hypocrisy of Komen claiming to be "pro-life" despite stripping funding for breast cancer exams, which has nothing to do with abortion at all. But I do not wish to support an organization known for turning my people away. Planned Parenthood is guilty of gender discrimination, and that is why I will not donate to them, nor ask people to send them funds.

If, after reading my tweets about Komen, you decide to send money to Planned Parenthood, then it will not be hard for you to find a way to donate without me offering a link. And for the record, I don't expect you to not donate just because I don't. But I will make my reasons for not donating known. You can choose for yourself what you do with this information.

I think what Planned Parenthood does with medical services for women is great, but they are also practicing discrimination against my allies, and I cannot play an apologist and say "they've done some good things too" when the organization's policies continue to cause harm to the trans community.

I can still make you aware of their cause, but I can't call them an ally. This is the moral tightrope I have to walk with many causes, because while I can recognize injustice within another group, I cannot claim that group as my allies when they have histories of being anti-trans, or anti-feminist. (And don't even get me started on how hard modern feminism is on trans women.) When I bring up causes, it's not the right time to mention "But these people are still anti-trans." So I don't. It's more important to me to get exposure for these problems, even if they don't have anything to do with me or my allies. They have causes that need attention, and if I call myself a humane activist, I cannot be selectively deaf to other causes just because they aren't allies. But I also can't turn a blind eye to the harm they do to others, even as they claim to be doing humanitarian work. These groups do practice selective deafness, and that pisses me off. But I won't return the favor. An eye for an eye makes the world go blind, yanno.

I can only hope that one day, other people will try adopting similar policies, so that instead of activists only talking about their core group's interests, they also spread out their awareness of other groups with similar plights. We don't have to all be allies, but if enough activists started breaking down these barriers between us, we might end up making more progress collectively than we would by shouting into our online echo chambers.

Food for thought, anyway. Now, on with the flood.

Update: Canada "clarifies" their transgender regulation

I already told you about Canada rules regarding trans passengers, but this updated post has a lot more information that I will pass over to you and only distill the key point the conservatives are making, and missing. In essence, they claim that anyone can fly, provided they have a letter from a medical professional affirming their gender non-conformity. Some of you may be thinking that sounds reasonable, but let me assure you, it is not a reasonable request to someone who is non-op and not seeking therapy for their gender. It is not a reasonable request for any person who does not fit their documented gender, but does not seek medical help as a "sicko."

The so-called "carry letter" that conservatives want is forcing all transgender people to seek medical treatment, as if simply having the wrong gender presentation is a serious illness. No letter means a chance of being denied the right to fly, simply because someone doesn't like how you look. It is discrimination, and asking all transgender people to use carry letters, regardless of which kind of trans person they are, is prejudice. Further, Canada is not honoring international regulations by adding these rules. That is a blatant lie, and nothing about this is concern for the safety of the other travelers. It's an extra stumbling block to make the lives of some trans people harder, and it serves no other useful purpose.

There are already measures coming up in the Canadian parliament to strike this regulation down, but the conservatives MPs will play with this as a wedge issue and pretend they are concerned about flight safety. If you are Canadian, especially if your rep is conservative, contact them and tell them that gender discrimination has nothing to with the safety of other airline passengers.

Let's drop the notion that carry letters are needed for trans people to travel or even just go to the bathroom. If you support trans diversity, then you must also support the trans people who don't want to seek medical validation and let them travel as freely as any cisgender passenger.

Really, no rants here. Just, if you can help, please do.

About Penny…

I'm finishing up the fourth round of edits on Penny for Your Debts, and as my cover reveal implied, it is coming soonish. Some writers like to schmooze with readers before release and sell folks on the reasons to like a book before they buy it. I prefer to try radical things, and so I'm going to give you all the reasons you might not want the book before I give you reasons you might try it.

You are opposed to books with violence against minors.

Perfectly valid, although technically this precludes you from reading even tame material like Harry Potter. This book is nevertheless a lot more punishing to the main character than you would expect to see in a story with a magic-using child as the main character. Poor Penny loses a few quarts of blood in the telling of this story.

You are opposed to books with minors involved in sexual relationships.

While the focus of this story is more about the long-term, evolving relationship between prisoner Penny Sterling and her captor, Nicholas Rumpelstilts, during the latter half of the book, Penny does allow Nicholas to become her lover. I do not view the intimate scenes in this book as being any worse than what King published in IT, What Rice wrote in Belinda, or what Anthony wrote in Firefly. But if you don't like seeing minors abused in fiction, this book is not for you.

You are opposed to fantasy stories with difficult personal themes.

You may be among the purist crowds who think that fantasy should be all about killing stuff, or banishing it in the case of stuff already dead or undead. Or you may think that topics like child brides and Stockholm Syndrome don't belong in fantasy. In either case, if you feel a fantasy's core plot should always be about questing or stopping an evil force using some prophesied magic item, this story is all wrong for you.

You hate slow introductions.

This is actually true for most of my books, and I'm gleefully aware that I'm doing my intros wrong. Lots of writers use the first page to load up a likable story that you feel you have to finish even though you just got started. Being an alternative writer, I present readers with a slow, often awkward introduction, and then wait to see who sticks with the premise. Yes, this isn't how bestsellers are made, but I'm not trying to make easily palatable art that satisfies everyone. I'm trying to make something more challenging, the kind of story that should be troubling even when a scene is being "cute." Part of the challenge for this book is a slow introduction to Nicholas through Penny, revealing that he is an ex-con and a pedophile who made a deal with Penny's mother long before Penny was born. Since the introductory premise tells readers that this evil man will live with Penny her whole life, many will bail out right then and there, leaving the story and its underlying moral questions untouched. Only a patient reader will make it through the slow and awkward introduction to see that the story isn't quite as dreadful as it initially seems, even if it is still pretty awful.



You hate talking animals.

In fairness, the animals don't really talk. Rather, Penny has a cat who acts as her familiar, and so long as the cat is nearby, Penny can understand the languages of all animals, and even talk to the elements directly. But there are several lighter moments when the conversations of the animals are used for comic relief. A story this bleak needed some light comedy, so I ended up with a talking cat and dog. If you think that's stupid, this book is not for you. Then again the main characters are Penny and Nicholas (Nickels), so you know I'm not going to be 100% serious during the telling of this tale.

You are under eighteen.

Definitely want to hold off on reading this till you're older. Sorry, I'm all for free speech and letting everyone read what they want. But this is one of those stories where you probably should pass on it until you're older.

Well then, I've possibly sold you off of picking up a copy on release day. So why on earth would anyone want this crappy story? Hrm…this is much harder to say…



You like plucky heroines.

Penny, despite her circumstances, tries to make the best of her life with Nicolas. She is never one to emote too negatively about her lot in life, and usually, she tries to keep her mood light. She also has fiercely loyal friends from school who don't like Nicholas or his role as Penny's owner. Each of Penny's closest friends have a chance to develop their story, even though the story POV remains focused on Penny. In later chapters, after Penny develops telepathic powers, more is revealed about her friends, and about the depths of their loyalty to Penny.



You like modern takes on old mythology.

Nicholas Rumpelstilts is a play on Rumpelstiltskin, who in this story is an ancient ancestor to Nicholas. Which makes this a fusion of a fairy tail, modern fantasy, and mythology. I'm a huge fan of myths, not just of the stories, but of the way they were written to have two layers of meaning. The first is a direct interpretation of scenes, (the sheer entertainment value) while the second is an abstract study of the moral behind the story. (The real reason for the story to exist.) Lots of old myths have difficult morals to ponder, if the reader has made the right interpretation, and the moral of this story is particularly challenging because the surface reading will not be the kind of happily ever after that modern readers prefer. But there is a moral to this story, one which will leave many readers upset depending on their interpretation of the question asked of them. I'm not going to spoil the book explaining the moral of the story, but I can assure you it's not an easy question to answer.

You like stories that "stray from the beaten path."

Even though this is fantasy and has the right number of plot devices and genre props to fit the definition, Penny does not save the world from ancient evil, or even a city. She doesn't have to destroy any enchanted items or go on any quests. While she is a powerful witch in training, she is not unique, simply remarkable. Penny's story is as much about her evolving relationship with Nicholas as it is about her development and growth from a sheltered child into a battle-toughened adept. The plot devices may occasionally riff on themes from Harry Potter, but this is no story about an already famous "chosen one" solving mysteries with more luck than skill. Instead it's a story of how a prisoner copes with her circumstances, and how she struggles with all of life's abuses.

I probably talked more of you out of reading my next book than I've talked into it, which will make some of the writers following my blog tear out their hair and cry "UR DOIN' IT WRONG!" D^8< And if I were trying to sell a book with easily palatable moral values and a less challenging plot, this would be the worst approach to courting a new audience.

But this isn't the kind of book you breeze through and love all the characters right away. Setting aside Nicholas and his quirks, readers may struggle with some or all of Penny's decisions, and they will feel hard pressed to see Nicholas the same way that Penny does. But no one should walk away feeling cheated for being given a false bill of goods. I hate bait and switches as much as anyone. I know this story won't appeal to everyone, so yes, I will warn away all the people who choose to avoid books with disturbing topics.

Still no release date in sight for this, aside from soonish. I'd love to give you something more firm, but I rushed some releases last year and found them to be still too full of typos for my liking. I've since uploaded corrected versions of those ebooks, but even better would be releasing the next story as close to error-free as possible with my first release. So even after this fourth editing run, I have to activate the text-to-speech reader for a proofing round. There will still be mistakes, of course. But once I'm done, there will be a lot less of the li'l bastards than there are now.

When it's ready, I don't expect Penny's book to do well. Though it will flop on arrival, there won't be hissy fits or accusations from me that you are not appreciating my genius. I will set this aside as another flake in the pile of flunky flops and move on to editing and polishing the next flop. But after that…I'll have another flop to offer. Oh yes.

Tune in next time, when I pitch my first car, a Rolls Canardly.

More complications…

I was all set to move my blog yesterday, but Namecheap has a nice gotcha I didn't notice, and one which the manager who emailed me forgot to mention. I can't leave for 60 days after I've moved a domain name. Namecheap also claims they won't normally give customers back money on any account that isn't closed after 14 days…and yet, they won't let you leave for 60.

In our last email, I was assured that I would get my money back, but now I'm worried that they will try to give some reason for why they get to keep money for a pre-paid year of hosting despite not actually rendering any such service to me. Even if they do at this point, these policies are still in place and can serve to potentially hamstring anyone thinking to move after realizing Namecheap isn't the right host. In March, we'll see if I get back the rest, but I'm really not happy with having to spend another month with these people.

As it is, you may have already noticed certain glitches like missing graphics in the sidebar. This is because those files were hosted on the GoDaddy server, and when my account was closed, all my thumbnails online went poof. Which probably breaks links in about a billion old forum posts. But that's okay. Nobody was reading those posts on the day I posted them either. (ba da pish)

In writing news, not a single project isn't hitting a snag that requires me to hold the titles back. I briefly considered pulling out another trunk novel to toss on Smashwords without a cover, but my editor sense says there's still too many typos in the only book I've got that's close enough to be ready. Plus, y'all don't want a coverless whimsical trans romance from me anymore than you'll want the next couple of book releases with covers. No, that's not low self-esteem speaking. It's a keen understanding of my sales history. Besides that, the theme for all three books in the queue are almost the same despite each book having been written years apart from each other. (One disadvantage of working with a huge buffer of unedited material: I don't notice trends in my releases until I'm already partially committed to a release schedule.)

But at least the next couple covers do look nice. I got a membership with Shutterstock, so if I find an image that fits a story, or might with some photoshopping, I just click download on one of the bigger 300 DPI options. And voila, a cover begins! It's a pity that so many of the stock models only do smiling expressions, though. Looking for teens and kids with sad or angry faces is a crap shoot, and I had to search through hundreds of photos to find this one image of someone slack face or pouting. Truly, I was in stock image hell, and everyone looked happy to see me.

One book is off with an editor, and I'm editing another book while having yet another editor work on the blurb. For a hobby that I only spend a few hours a day working on, I sure do put a lot of effort into these projects. But eh, I put almost as much into my gaming, and into my other, other hobby, promoting other peoples' stuff on Twitter. Which is only slightly more satisfying than my other, other, other hobby, masturbating to a random video on YouPorn.

I want to close this out with a further rumination on my royalties. This quarter, factoring in all the vendors, I made $150. That's about what I made for the whole year of 2009, and 2008 was closer to $65. I don't even want to talk about 2007. 2012 has already kicked off with quite a few sales, and despite The Campaign Trilogy being pirated, it's still selling well in several markets. One of my most surprising sources of income is Books on Board, who continues to send a handful of 5 or 6 sales every month for The Lesser of Two Evils.

What I'm saying is, progress is being made. I may not fit in with the mainstream, but I'm picking up people from the fringes here and there. And maybe they won't read everything I write or fit the definition of "super fans." But even if I don't have 1,000 super fans, I have enough buyers that I get regular paychecks. Maybe not checks big enough to support myself yet, but they are big enough that when I do the math at the end of a quarter, I think, Holy shit, I can't believe this many people bought my books.



I probably don't do enough writer updates like this, but when I've got to choose between a blog post about a trans kid in trouble or my meager sales success, I suddenly can't seem to locate my vanity long enough to blow my own horn. In fact, I feel better looking back on a week of blog posts and not seeing anything about me. But sometimes, I do need to take the time to say to my readers that yes, sales are nice right now, and even without reviews or retweets, I'm starting to make a dent in the cultural radar. It's not big enough to be a blip, but it is bringing in enough curious people to fund this hobby and pay for some little luxury items. And maybe one day in the future I'll look up and realize I've just made $1,500 in a quarter and wonder how in the hell I managed it when there's still no reviews or promotions.

But it's a slow news day, so I thought I'd take today to express my gratitude with my little bit of success. Really, folks, if that's how this works out, and my art is the kind that silently creeps into the back ends of the sales charts instead of roaring its way to the top of the bestsellers lists, I can totally live with slow growth. I can't complain about the pace of my progress either, because really, who on earth would expect me to have ANY progress after doing no marketing and being a crabby bitch for four months straight? So that I'm still gaining new readers is shocking, even to me.

I would like to point out that my 62-year-old dad is three years away from retiring, and he probably could use some financial support to supplement his Social Security checks. I also have an adopted sister in Texas who I've been given permission to support again, and helping her cover the cost of hormones won't be cheap. And this year, I am needing to replace my dentures. I've had my set over six years, and now they don't fit. The high cost of dentures here in Italy means we have to leave the country and go elsewhere for me to get new teeth. This is a lot of money that hubby will have to cover, and I would love to help him defray some of the costs.

So, I'm not saying I don't appreciate all that you've done already, what with the constant sales and all. I really, really do. But if you've read something from me and it didn't kill you from boredom, a small review anywhere you have time to put it would really help me out. And if something you've read from me killed you…then you're a ghost, and I'm very sorry about that.

For the rest of you, thank you for all of your help. I hope that someday I can put out a project good enough to get you all organized into a proper fandom. Probably won't be in the releases for 2012, but that won't be your fault, honest. I'm blabbering. Thank you again.

Please think about reviews.

Offered without comment, a comment from…er, wait

This is a comment made on Brian Keene's blog in a post where he is once again talking about Dorchester and their loss of anything resembling a conscience. If you haven't been reading Brian's blog for Dorchester updates, go ahead and scroll up from the linked comment to get a basic rundown of how terrible things are with Dorchester. But what I really want you to read is the comment, and I want to share part of it here to explain why I think this is worth your time:

Before Dawn's death, she turned the rights to her books over to her sister, Diane. Diane is disabled, living at the poverty line (which Dorchester is aware of). Last August she got a notice that one (just one of Dawn's books had earned $4300 and a check would follow. A check never followed. This is the same thing that happened before. Chris sent a notice that $10,003 would be forwarded to her and that never came either. She is barely getting by and nearly died last week, and is now facing heavy medical bills she cannot pay.

Please spend a minute to read the rest.

Quarterly reports

Smashwords has sent me a quarterly sales report, and I have the money to pay for the move to another webhost. (Again.) I've also recently got my final statement from Belfire, and sales were not bad, all things considered. The same thing could be said about my sales with every vendor, including Amazon.

This is even more remarkable because I don't use banner ads, or banner exchanges. I don't haunt forums or frequent multiple social sites in a constantly rushing bid to capture sales. Obviously if I don't tweet book links, there's also nothing to retweet, so I'm not reaching people through "second hand tweets." I'm so anti-promotion at this point that my Twitter profile starts off "Go away." Yet, despite this big mouth, people still buy my books. Despite my lousy attitude, people search for my blog by writing my name, and then the topic they want to see me rant on. I don't get traffic like a big blogger like, say PZ Meyers, but then I don't have nifty links to octopus stuff or jokes about christly crackers.

But that does remind me that early today, fellow Tweeter and artist/author @irkdesu had commented using a hashtag #christonaglutenfreecracker. This led me to ask her if a Eucharist cracker is gluten-free, and she said they aren't. Which leads me to wonder, does the Catholic church have a supply of Eucharist wafers that are kosher for gluten intolerant followers? Or, put another way, do they have anything left of Jesus that's more easily digestible?

(EDIT: YES, there are gluten-free Christly crackers! Hat-tip to @princeherb for answering a stupid question. =^D )

Yes, I really will be here all week. No, I'm not leaving. Stop asking, and enough with the hook from stage right already. I'm tired of dodging it. But getting back to my good fortunes, I also want to stress, sales are no better or worse than when I was busting my ass with the begging and pleading. They are holding steady, and even if I would love a pay rise, I certainly cannot complain with steady sales in spite of my lack of efforts or my often bitchy tone here on my blog. It's because I have to complain about so many other things that when my royalty statements roll in, I feel obligated to say thank you to all the people who still look at my stuff in spite of me.

So, from the bottom of my beady black heart, thank you very much for your continued support of my art, and for your continued visits to my blog. You may not think I appreciate your attention, but I consider time a valuable, precious, and finite commodity. So that you give me any of your time is more of a gift than you realize. And when you add money by buying a book, that's even better. Because when enough of you do it all together, it means new video games and more pizza and beer. Which makes a nice change of pace from cheese sandwiches.

Seriously, thank you. Piss and vinegar will return shortly.