Rachel Kramer Bussel's Blog, page 49

About that time I flirted with a 74-year-old man and other thoughts on silver foxes

I'm making my debut at Lady Smut today with, "How I Started Lusting After Silver Foxes, about a certain airplane encounter that changed how I look at older men. Check it out!

Why I picked it: "My Life as a Vibrator" by Livia Ellis in Come Again: Sex Toy Erotica

This is the first in an occasional new blog post series called Why I Picked It, where I'll share why I picked a particular story for one of my 50+ anthologies (yes, my site's books page needs updating - I'm on it!). I'm starting with "My Life as a Vibrator" by Livia Ellis, the closing story in my new anthology Come Again: Sex Toy Erotica , out now in print and ebook.


Come Again: Sex Toy Erotica



This was the closest approximation I could find online to the pink vibrator telling the story, though I imagine the narrator vibe is a bit of a lighter shade of pink

Ellis was a new (to me) author, and this story, out of the many submissions I received, stood out because, well, it was from the point of view of a vibrator! How could I not be intrigued? Here's the opening paragraphs:

From "My Life as a Vibrator" by Livia Ellis

I come into existence on a Thursday in a factory in the Guangdong province. My first sensation is of touch. The firm yet well-seasoned hands of my maker, Hui Zhong, have smoothed and stroked my pearlescent pink silicone shell. Although I will never know, I can guess from the brief time we spend together that she is a woman who takes immense care with everything she turns her attention to. I particularly like the brilliant red of the scarf that covers her steel-wool hair. The intense scrutiny of her glaucoma-wrecked eyes misses nothing. I know truly for the first time what it is to live when she slips the pair of C batteries into my innards and gives my bottom a trial.

I whirl, I jiggle, I shimmy, I shake. I do what Hui Zhong built me to do—I vibrate. For the first time, by doing what I was built to do, I make someone smile. I please her and I please her well.

I loved how this unique viewpoint added such a humorous and interesting voice to the story and the book as a whole. It made me think about sex toys in a new way and allowed the author to approach telling her story from a different angle than you'd get it if was told by any of the human characters, who wouldn't be present for the toy's entire journey.

Plus it featured two women having sex with each other, which I wanted more of in the book (there are many heterosexual stories, as well as a few bisexual ones, one transgender man and one gay male erotica story, if I recall correctly).

It also is in first person present tense, which most of the stories in Come Again are not, though "Vegetable Love" by Susan St. Aubin, "Prickles" by Elizabeth Coldwell and "Gift" by Dena Hankins are. Here, I think it works so perfectly, because we get to follow the vibrator from China to the toy's eventual home (I almost wrote "her eventual home," which shows how closely an object as narrator can affect a reader).

You can read all of "My Life as a Vibrator" and the 23 other stories in Come Again: Sex Toy Erotica, available from:

Amazon

Kindle ebook

Amazon UK

Kindle UK

Barnes & Noble (Bn.com)

Nook ebook

iBooks

Kobo

Books-a-Million

IndieBound (find it at your local independent bookstore)

Cleis Press

The only brick and mortar store I know currently has it in stock, and signed copies at that, is Red Emma's in Baltimore. It's on its way to Charis Circle in Atlanta and Early to Bed in Chicago. Want to see it on your local bookstore and/or sex toy store's shelves? Ask for it! I will blog, Tweet, Tumble, Facebook and generally promote any store carrying the book that I know about. If you see the book at a local store or I missed any places you can buy it, email me at rachel at comeagainbook.com and I will update this post and the book's website!

Watch Abiola Abrams interview me about work and writing and being a spiritpreneur!

Yesterday afternoon I had the pleasure of chatting on Google Hangouts with my friend Abiola Abrams, for her Spiritpreneur School video series. She is an amazing writer, host and go-getter, about we discussed various things related to writing, blogging, making money, career, dropping out of law school and success. I quoted her recently in my . You can follow her on Twitter @abiolatv to find out more about what she's up to. Watch our discussion on her site.

Want free kinky erotica? Rose Caraway's podcast has it!

The audiobook of The Big Book of Submission: 69 Kinky Tales, was just released, and narrator Rose Caraway is sharing free stories from this book of BDSM erotica on her podcast, The Kiss Me Quick's. Up right now for your listening pleasure are:

"Dear Sir" by Kay Jaybee

and

"Toasted Marshmallows" by Tilly Hunter

Purchase the entire audiobook right here.


(fyi, I know the cover is squished, but I want to make it clear this is the audiobook!)

Also, through at least Friday (possibly through Sunday), the Kindle and Nook ebook versions of The Big Book of Submission are on sale for just $1.99. That's $1.99 for 69 stories! And Audible is having an April sale where if you buy 4 audiobooks, you get a $10 credit to use toward your next purchase (it takes a few days to go through). Happy listening!

For a taste of all 69 stories, you can read excerpts on the book's Tumblr.

"Who cares how often you have sex?"

Not me, and that's what I wrote about in this week's Philadelphia City Paper sex column. I quoted from Emily Nagasaki's new book Come As You Are, which has some interesting thoughts on how our sex drives do and don't work. Check it out online (in print tomorrow) and read the archives here.

I'm not a storyteller but I'm playing one Thursday night in Williamsburg, Brooklyn

I guess I am a storyteller, in that I write fiction, but live? On stage? I actually dread it. Freeze up. Become totally petrified and want to run away, but sometimes, like this Thursday night, those are the things you do in life anyway. In this case, since I will be in New York and don't plan to do any other events there this year, it seemed worth getting over my fears. I hope it'll be funny, but I know in 15 minutes or less it'll be over. I'm either talking about being a hoarder when I lived on Metropolitan Avenue, just a few blocks away from Brooklyn Brewery, or something way, way more embarrassing. Come to the show to find out! Thursday, April 16th, Brooklyn Brewery, 79 N. 11th Street, Williamsburg, Brooklyn (L to Bedford). Hosted by Tom Shillue, starring me, Avital Isaacs and Andre Medrano.

"Tickets are generally $10 each, but for Comedy Week, we've discounted the ticket to $5 each, meaning if you buy two $5 tickets, that adds up to the price of 1 ticket ($10). Each guest must have their own ticket for entry. Tickets purchased at the door will be $12 per person and the 2-for-1 offer will not be valid." Purchase your tickets online at Eventbrite.

Happy publication day, Come Again: Sex Toy Erotica

Today is the official release date of Come Again: Sex Toy Erotica , which is racking up some great reviews on Amazon! So much work goes into an anthology, from reading dozens of submissions, selecting the stories, which in this case had to balance gender of protagonists and a variety of toys, both the types that exist, fictional ones and household items, then editing, copyediting, cover copy and now the happiest stage, sending books out to reviewers, paying authors and promoting the finished book. I have big dreams for this one, but one book promotion at a time. I hope you'll check it out and spread the word, and I will be sharing all over (@comeagainbook on Twitter, Tumblr and Facebook) when I hear of stores stocking it. Right now I know indie bookstore Red Emma's in Baltimore has signed copies, it's on its way to indie bookstore Charis Circle in Atlanta, and Early to Bed in Chicago will be ordering it soon.



You can buy it there in print or at your local bookstore or sex toy store (ask them for it and they will order it if they don't have it in stock), as well as on Kindle, Nook and iBooks. I'm hosting a Facebook book release party online until midnight EST and at the official site, comeagainbook.com there's more info about the book and Q&As with some of the contributors. Happy pub day to my second favorite book I've ever edited!

On saying yes in order to say no

Last week, I did something exceedingly hard for me: I turned down a wonderful opportunity to participate in an event where I would have been paid and gotten comped hotel and meals. It would have given me a chance to connect with other writers and see a new city and teach, all things I love to do. But this year, my goal is to work smarter and to live smarter, not just to say yes to anything and everything without a thought to the consequences.

I was originally intrigued by the invitation because it's in Southern California, and I will be in Southern California the weekend preceding this event for CatalystCon West. "South" is south, right? Well, not exactly. Not only was this event five days after CatalystCon ends, it wasn't exactly next door to Burbank. Plus, after checking flights, I realized I will likely fly out to Catalyst the Wednesday beforehand, which would mean 10-12 days away from home, a month following what will probably be an international vacation of that length that I'm hoping to take in August.

The very idea of all that travel was starting to stress me out, which was my first sign. Then I wondered if I'd be pregnant by then (universe, PLEASE MAKE THIS HAPPEN) and whether I wouldn't be more comfortable with a shorter trip. Then I thought about how, even though I love the theoretical ability to "work from anywhere," the truth is I do my best work in my home these days. I think more clearly, make my umpteen to do lists, have access to books and papers and creature comforts.

But still. I felt guilty, because I'd already expressed interest to the organizers and the person who connected me to them. As many good reasons as I had to turn it down, there were also good reasons to say yes. The more I considered it, though, the more I realized that by saying no in this case, it freed me up to say yes to other things. Maybe that week I'll pitch my heart out and land an amazing byline. Maybe that week I'll work on promoting my fall books, or start a new project. Maybe that week I'll reconnect with my boyfriend after being away probably far too much for his liking. Who knows? I just sensed that even though it had a lot of pluses on its side, it wasn't right for me at that exact time.

Saying no in order to leave my options option is something I want to do much more of this year. I've committed to my upcoming erotica writing workshops in State College (April 27) and Philadelphia at SEXx Interactive (May 8), and will be doing events in Portland, Maine June 2nd at Nomia and June 3rd (the latter is being finalized any day now, I hope), and after that, I am mainly focused on building my business in the way that works best for me. I've done events, more than enough of them, and I've even gotten a book deal based on an editor seeing me do a reading. But that is not where my heart is. My writing heart is at home, and that's where I need to focus if I ever hope to have a freelance career with longevity, let alone become a mom. Yet standing up and saying that, especially when it means turning down what feel like exciting opportunities, is unnerving. There's a part of me that thinks, But if I say no to this, will I ever get asked to do anything again? That's the voice I'm trying to silence as much as possible, because sometimes, it's not about being asked, but about making our own opportunities. So here's to those, and whatever the future holds.

Kindle BDSM erotica sale alert: The Big Book of Submission is just $1.99

Updated: I just found out about this from this Tweet (thank you, Roni Loren!) and wanted to let you know: The Big Book of Submission: 69 Kinky Tales is only $1.99 right now for Kindle. You can listen to a free sample of the audiobook at Audible. The sale will last for a week (which I think means it ends on Sunday, but I'd buy by Friday just in case). You can also read free excerpts of all 69 stories.

What happens when you write about fat people positively

Last week, my DAME column was titled "Yes, Fat Women Are Sexy".



Not my most imaginative title, but I never said I was good at coming up with them (I'm better with short story titles, like "Secret Service," about an oral sex restaurant). It's certainly not the first time I've written about fatness. I wrote "My Boyfriend's Fat" in my essay collection Sex & Cupcakes and also wrote about that same topic in a YouBeauty essay, along with "Why I'm Hot for Fat Guys" for Nerve. An old column about my own body image issues was reprinted at Jezebel.

So I'm not unfamiliar with what happens when you write about fat people, but I'm still appalled at the go-to reaction, which is basically one giant word used to obscure prejudice: HEALTH. In a public Feminism on Facebook group I'm part of, I shared the DAME link with these words: "My latest column DAME Magazine is on fat women, sexuality and body image." The very first comment left on it was: "Hi Rachel, I hope you included a list of the health risks that come with being overweight xx Including those you could pass on to your children xx"

Needless to say, this caused a lot of responses, accusations of trolling and debates about what exactly is appropriate when talking about fatness. I think it's interesting just how predictable some variation of this argument is, as if fat people, or even "not fat" but "not skinny" people don't have it drummed into their/our heads exactly what the health consequences may or may not be about our body size.

My response on that thread reads: "Reece, I'm pretty sure any fat person has been told more than enough that they are not only going against our restrictive society's beauty standards but also by their health care providers what they need to do to be healthy. I write a sex column so that isn't my job. I was talking about society's expectations of what's sexy and what's not and how these women are reclaiming fatness as part of sex appeal for themselves and the broader culture. Also, see http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/10/09/the-healthy-obese-and-their-healthy-fat-cells/?_r=0"

I think that sums up my position, but I encourage you, especially if your first reaction to "fat" is negative, to think about why, exactly, that is. I somewhat hate the title I gave my DAME column not only because it's obvious, but because why should that need to be said? Why can't we recognize that "sexy" comes in as infinite variety as people do? Yet I'm proud of it and glad it's fostering discussions like the one on Facebook, because we need to start thinking more critically when we talk about "fat." And be "we," I of course also mean me. I'm in the process of getting rid of a lot of my clothes that no longer fit due to the weight I've gained since moving to New Jersey, while also trying to live and eat healthier and, if I get the one thing I truly want in this world, trying to get pregnant. It's a lot to ponder when it comes to "fat" and weight and who the hell to look good on a daily basis, when I do venture outside of my home, or even when I just don't want to sit around wearing sweatpants day in and day out. I'm not suggesting it's easy to suddenly switch our thinking from one that tells us "fat is bad" to a more nuanced view that takes in true health and genetics and so many other factors. But in the last three plus years of dating and loving a fat man and seeing how he is often treated by the world at large and in person, I have come to care very much about this topic. And do I also care about his health? Of course! How could I not, especially if I want to have children with him? But I care for his physical health along with his mental and emotional health, and those of other fat people. That's why someone like April Flores inspires me so much, and why I was thrilled she let me interview her and use her photo with my column. She's been "fat" and "thin" and has come to a place of peace and happiness with her body, which is something I wish for everyone. Including me.