Jane Alexander's Blog, page 21

What's the etiquette on having a crap in front of someone?

I don’t like colonics. Never have.  Took my first one purely in the name of research because I figured I couldn’t slate something I’d never tried. ‘You’ll love it,’ said my pal Sam. ‘You’ll feel great afterwards, all clean and glowing and energetic.’So I duly went and had the crap taken out of me by somebody in Mayfair, if I recall, and it was deeply unpleasant and I felt like…well, crap afterwards.
But it’s an intrinsic part of the detox process here at Ti Sana so…when in Rome… (or...

Never detox with a lover...

Right. If you’re gonna go somewhere to detox, go alone.  Seriously.  I often think, when I go away and stay solo in these lovely hotels with fabulous rooms and ginormous beds that it’s all a…bit of a waste really.  But, y’know, if you’re gonna do a serious detox then, just trust me on this one, you really truly don’t want to have your ‘other half’ with you.  Can I just pause a moment here to ask whether any more disgusting a term exists? Other than ‘better half’ which is p...

You have the right to remain silent...

So the SP and I were walking in the woods, the way we do. And the leaves are turning now, starting to sigh into Autumn. They’re not quite falling…except for those which seem to want to immolate themselves, tumbling perfect to lie stark, graphic splashes of saffron, vermilion and chestnut against the dark mud.  And all my usual medicine walk messages popped up – oak leaves, blackbirds (male), grey feathers. But I always want more. 
‘Y’know,’ I said to the SP, who listened intently, hi...

Blissful beauty in Bampton

So the phone rang and, to my utter amazement, I picked it up.‘Hello.’‘Hello, stranger.’My friend Nicky. My cohort in extreme exercise crime. Except since cracking myself on the nose I haven’t seen her for…weeks. ‘I’ve left you tons of messages,’ she said. I glanced at the ansaphone and winced. Thirteen messages? Eek. ‘Shit. Sorry.  Er, wanna coffee?’ I said and we both laughed cos we don’t ‘do’ coffee. We usually ‘do’ three hours of Zumba or killer Pilates with weights and wotnot. Come t...

Who's reading your private messages?

Yesterday I received an email from GotJuice.com, an ‘online reputation management consultancy’ (Jeez, now there’s a hole in the market that was ripe for plugging).  It said this:
“Facebook Users Private Messages Made Public
Facebook users report that private messages from years 2006 - 2009 are being displayed on users timelines”.

And I’m like, er…wow.  Really?  So all those bitchy comments you made off your public Timeline, on private message, could suddenly show up all over the...

In which my chakras are brushed into shape with crystal wands

Warning: contains woo woo stuff... (yup, probably more than usual).
It often seems like life is so darn unfair; like we’re being thwarted and vexed at every turn. But I dunno.  Maybe you have to trust that things are working out for the best, in their own weird way.  Maybe we just have to be patient. Maybe everything you really need comes to you - in its own good time.  
I’m still feeling rubbish.  It’s so weird because I really truly don’t get ill normally.  Just...

Love letters straight from the heart...

So, I was saying yesterday about how I’ve been looking through old letters, right?  Well, one of the reasons they've been on my mind is because a book I wrote last year has just come out.  It’s called Kind Regards and is basically an anthology on the lost art of letter-writing. 
Yes, I love letters. Real letters. Hand-written letters. Ideally letters that have been written from the heart, rather than from duty. Honestly, how can you not love them?  I have, not just the one...

The past in a box...

So I’ve been sitting here, in my study, on the sofa, by the window, with the SP, with tears dribbling down my face.  And not just from the virus thingy.  I dunno why…(well, I do, but it’s not really important) but I opened up the wooden box that my brother had given me way back in the late sixties or very early seventies or thereabouts.  He’d been working in London with this guy who dealt in antiques (and who, incidentally, hung out with all kinds of major rock legends) and he...

Please don't dose your baby with formaldehyde

The other day I was talking to someone on Twitter.  She was looking for wooden bunk beds and I said, ‘Hey, try and get ‘em secondhand.’  Not just because of cost (though heaven only knows that’s a big consideration) but because you won’t be running the risk of your child breathing in nasty toxic chemicals. 
It reminded me of when I was writing my little book Spirit of the Nursery .  It struck me that  parents always want the best, the freshest, the newest, for their bab...

Wine tastings are so last decade...beer's the thing

Adrian’s away again.  Last week it was Zagreb, this week it’s northern Bohemia in the Czech Republic and then straight on to Munich for the Oktoberfest.  I can’t say I begrudge him one little bit – beer festivals aren’t exactly my game. J 
People (well, mainly men; well, okay mainly beer-drinking men) always say he has the best job in the world.  To which he always shakes his head.  ‘They think all I do is stand around boozing,’ he says, with a hangdog expression. And...