Bobby Henderson's Blog, page 8

Climate Change is a Touchy Subject

Trump’s Whitehouse is pushing its science officials to shut up about Climate Change, reports Politico:

A supervisor at the Energy Department’s international climate office told staff this week not to use the phrases “climate change,” “emissions reduction” or “Paris Agreement” in written memos, briefings or other written communication, sources have told POLITICO.

I’ve got mixed feelings about this since we Pastafarians are also skeptical about accepted causes of Climate Change. Years ago you’ll remember that we found a statistically significant relationship between the rise in average global temperature and the declining Pirate population.

I’ll note that even after 10 years, this data still has not been dis-proven by the science community, which we interpret as implicit acceptance of it’s Truth.

So we’re sympathetic to Team Trump’s misgivings of Established Science based on “evidence” and “peer-review” and so on.

But, we’re also fans of not needlessly destroying the planet. And while we may not agree with the causes of Climate change, we believe it is happening.

More, we Pastafarians are pragmatic. Even if you have some skepticism about Climate Change (perhaps all that data is being altered by a Supernatural being of some sort) — let’s maybe err on the side of reigning in pollution and old wasteful technologies with their excess CO2 production — and instead let’s support emerging technologies which can provide clean, renewable power. Not to mention jobs.

For this reason, I think Team Trump and the GOP are acting like tools.

Again, I hate to mention politics on our Church site, but I felt that we Pastafarians, as fellow science-skeptics, should say something.

What do you guys think?

Trump Monument

Hey everyone — as much as I feel it’s important to keep political views away from our church website, I also recognize that America is incredibly divided at the moment. And I had an idea I hope may heal our nation in some small way.

Specifically this is about Trump’s border wall. I am proposing an alternative project that may satisfy the Left – who are worried about fiscal responsibility, and the Right – who are less interested in factual arguments and more concerned about the message we’re sending to the world. And most of all I hope that this project appeals to President Trump’s aesthetic tastes and his love of grand construction projects.

 

Letter to President Trump

President Trump: you should build a monument instead of a border wall.

I won’t make the usual arguments against the wall — that border apprehensions are at a 40-year low; that immigrants are not a leading (or growing) cause of crime; that it is technology, not immigrants, taking American jobs. There are countless studies that conclude a border wall will be tremendously expensive and ineffective at its goals.

But I’m sure you understand this.

The wall clearly is about symbolism, about the message it sends to the world. And about you, and what your presidency represents. Here is a wall, you people stay on your side – America is full. The wall is about drawing a line, about Real American values, about American toughness.

But can I suggest to you that your followers may not entirely understand this message? That they may not be attuned to subtle ideas like symbolism? They may be irked after you spend $15 Billion of our tax dollars on a wall that does not improve American lives in any meaningful way, no matter the message it sends.

Let me next appeal to your sense of aesthetics. You’ve spent your life building magnificent buildings, beautiful golf courses, resorts and so on. The Wall will be ugly and plain, the money must be spread across too many hundreds of miles to be spectacular in any given spot. No one will want to come to look at it, no one will be impressed with it’s grandeur. Do you want that to be your legacy?

So I propose you announce a different project — a grand, glittering monument — one that promotes the idea of American Toughness, and which – I think economists will back me up – is a better use of our tax dollars.

Rather than describe the monument in words, I’ve commissioned an architectural concept drawing of the monument:

Balls.

You’ll notice they’re gold. I did the math* and for a set of testicles roughly 30 feet tall, you can safely budget $10 Billion to gold plate the balls at a thickness of over an inch and still come out under what your border wall is estimated to cost.

And unlike a wall, here you’ll have a monument that people can come and admire in all its glory. Here is the literal symbol of virility and masculine toughness and all things alpha-male. Your followers are unlikely to miss the message.

Plus, this monument is a safe investment — if things don’t work out, the gold can be reclaimed. Unlike a border wall, the money spent gold plating a massive set of testicles is not a wasteful use of taxpayer money.

Thank you for your time. Please let me know if I can help with more details and so on (I have some ideas on replacing Obamacare also).

-Bobby Henderson, Concerned citizen and taxpayer

#BallsNotWalls

* The math:

A set of balls 10 meters tall has a volume of approximately 697 cubic meters, with a surface area approximately 412 square meters.

At the current spot price of gold at $1256 per Ounce, $10 Billion will purchase 247,635 Kilograms of gold.

With a density of 19320 kilograms per cubic meter, that pile of gold has a volume of approximately 12.81 cubic meters.

That volume, divided by surface area of 412 square meters gives us a gold plating depth of approximately 3.1 CM or 1.2″.

Victoria driver’s license

Marcus Bowring out of Victoria, Australia, was successful in getting his Driver’s license photo taken while wearing Pastafarian religious headgear.

“I kept the strainer in a bag until it was time to take the photo because I was bit worried that there were a few bigots around that might not accept it,” he said.

“But the young guy that was taking the photo was quite happy. He said something along the lines of ‘respect’ or ‘well done’. He was perfectly fine with it.”

Australians are interesting — the people are clearly enlightened and have a sense of humor but, at the same time, we hear stories of bureaucratic resistance to Pastafarianism coming from Australia more than just about anywhere. I’ve heard of several denied attempts at getting an Australian ID card colander’ed photo. So I was extra pleased to hear that Marcus had pulled it off. Here’s the full article in TheAge about how it went down.

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Every small victory adds to the weight of legitimacy. Each wedding officiated by an FSM Minister and each ID photo taken while wearing Pastafarian headgear (and so on) is an implicit acknowledgement by a government worker that Pastafarianism is a bonafide religious organization. Over time, I imagine there will be less resistance to what we’re doing — it’ll become clear that we’re not mocking anyone’s beliefs, only fighting for our own idea of what religion is about, and making a stand against religious inequality.

Also, on the topic of Australia — I want to give props to the Australia Church of The Flying Spaghetti Monster. This group is incredibly well organized and engaged in promoting Pastafarianism as a legitimate religion — and they are doing amazing things in ongoing court battles. I would urge anyone in the area to check them out and get involved.

happy Holidays everybody

The Holiday[1] season is here again. How to Spread the Word of the FSM? Here are a few ideas:

• The Holiday e-Card machine is up and running again this year.

You can send a festive Holiday e-Card to your friends and family with a personalized message here. Below are a few of the designs:

 

 

• FSM Ministry Nominations

Also — this season, if you know someone with impeccable character, ready to serve as a spiritual leader, you can nominate them to the FSM Ministry.

FSM Ministers will receive Lithograph Paper Certificates and PVC Minister’s ID cards, and will be added to the official registry. You can order here.

 

 

• Or how about a festive FSM tree (this one courtesy of Trevor)

 

 

[1] A note on Holiday: years ago, we noticed there was a shift in the way people expressed winter greetings — fewer “Merry Christmas’s” and more “happy holidays”. We concluded that these people were most likely Pastafarians (albeit many of them in secret) wishing people a happy Holiday – referring to our winter celebration Holiday, also known as ChriFSMas.

Remember to vote and…

Add this to the reasons religious organizations should not be exempt from taxes:

Dallas News reports this appalling story out of Texas:

A priest in the Diocese of Amarillo took an aborted fetus, laid it upon an altar Sunday and posted a live video to Facebook and Instagram to warn viewers about Hillary Clinton and urge them to vote for Donald Trump.

Tax exempt religious organizations are not allowed to get involved in politics. I find it disturbing that so many church groups flout this rule, and that there are seemingly no consequences for doing so. The IRS makes it clear that this sort of behavior is not allowed.

The Restriction of Political Campaign Intervention by Section 501(c)(3) Tax-Exempt Organizations

Under the Internal Revenue Code, all section 501(c)(3) organizations are absolutely prohibited from directly or indirectly participating in, or intervening in, any political campaign on behalf of (or in opposition to) any candidate for elective public office. Contributions to political campaign funds or public statements of position (verbal or written) made on behalf of the organization in favor of or in opposition to any candidate for public office clearly violate the prohibition against political campaign activity. Violating this prohibition may result in denial or revocation of tax-exempt status and the imposition of certain excise taxes.

The Church of the FSM won’t endorse any candidate, as we don’t believe that is acceptable for a religious organization — but please do vote and vote your conscience.

Struggle for Religious Expression in Illinois

The struggle for Pastafarian acceptance continues, in Illinois. From the Chicago Tribue:

College student Rachel Hoover, of Arlington Heights, went to get her license renewed at the Illinois Secretary of State facility in Schaumburg. She told employees that she wanted to wear a metal colander on her head for the photo in honor of her religious beliefs. Employees balked, but Hoover insisted.

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But when the central office discovered that employees had relented and allowed Hoover to be photographed with the strainer on her head, administrators drew the line, even though her face was clearly visible.

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They told Hoover her license will be revoked July 29 unless she gets a new, strainer-free photo taken.

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State officials are “just trying to use a little common sense,” secretary of state spokesman Dave Druker told Tribune freelance reporter Lee V. Gaines. “It almost looks like Pastafarians are a mockery of religion.”

During a time when people are doing reprehensible things in the Name of Religion, I wonder why officials are hassling us, out of all religious groups. Do these officials prevent people from wearing Yamulkes or Hijabs or Turbans — and if not, is it because they appear to have such earnest beliefs, and Pastafarians do not take themselves so seriously?

If Pastafarians had more scary dogmatic True-Believers, would we encounter less resistance to the privileges other religious groups are granted?

While I don’t agree with the Chicago Tribune’s stance that FSM is a “broad spoof”, I found the article well written and clever — it’s worth the read and can be found here.

FSM on Australia TV

The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster Australia got on national TV the other day. Looks like it went pretty well. You can view the segment here

Our Kiva Team just hit $3 Million

Thanks everyone — our Kiva Team just hit $3 Million in loans.

What is Kiva? Kiva is a organization that lets us give small loans to people in the third world that need help starting small business. We make small, interest-free loans towards the projects we support, and Kiva combines them to fund the loan to the person who wants to build a small workshop, farm, restaurant, fruit stand, etc. These are interest-fee loans in places like Cambodia, Peru, Uganda — places where traditional bank lending to the poor is unavailable (or predatory). Kiva ensures that the loans are paid out and that the money is paid back. A lot of us feel this is the best way of bringing economic growth to the poorest areas.

Nice work everyone! If you haven’t already, please consider joining us here.

Pastafarian Pirate Party in Queensland Australia

Pirate Party at Pelican Park, Queensland, Australia

Sunday, April 24 at 12 PM

We need you! For the Pastafarian Pirate Party at Pelican Park with the Project. We’re inviting everyone who can make it to a day of pirate fun so we can show the Project what Pastafarians are all about. Faith, fun and pirates! So dress up as a pirate, or if you do not have pirate attire, wear your colander, bring a picnic and refreshments. If it looks like it will rain we are trying to book the Bramble Bay Bowls Club function room as an alternative venue.

More details here at the Facebook event page here

First Recognized Pastafarian Wedding In New Zealand

Congratulations to Toby Ricketts and Marianna Young — their wedding was was the first legally recognized Pastfarian wedding in New Zealand.

The pirate-themed ceremony – on a ship docked in Akaroa before a crowd dressed in full pirate regalia – featured choruses of grunts, colander crowns and pirate-themed puns.

‘Ministeroni’ Karen Martyn, who became the world’s first legal marriage celebrant for the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (FSM) earlier this year, wedded the couple.

By all appearances it was a huge success. Best of luck to the happy couple and huge thanks to Minister Karen Martyn for the excellent ceremony.

New Zealand is one of the few places in the world that formally recognizes The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster as a religious organization.

The wedding was well covered in the media. My favorite articles are the one on Stuff.co.nz and the one on the BBC.

One last note: the news has brought out some angry people — I received a number of a nasty emails today, surprising because I don’t understand how a wedding is anyone’s business except the couple’s. This was most definitely not a statement against Christianity, it was a wedding; it was a celebration of love and fun. To the haters, please relax.

Congratulations again to the happy couple.