Brian Thacker's Blog, page 11

Vagina soap and other great works of art.

I’ve just got back from Hobart and MONA (Museum of Old and New Art). And what a great coup for tourism in Hobart it has been because people are flocking down to the capital of Tassie to visit this unique museum experience. Its owner, the multi-millionaire David Walsh, has put hundreds of items from his private collection on display, creating what he calls a ’subversive adult Disneyland’. My wife Beth and I absolutely loved it (maybe because we are subversive). I have to say, though, this place is not for the culturally incubated, prudish or sexually inhibited. It is an assault of the senses on so many levels, but this in my opinion is the triumph of MONA. There was graphic life-size scenes of castration, a chilling Nitchke suicide machine, a photo of a dog copulating with a man and a poo-machine (as in food is put in a certain time of day which slowly over the day gets turned into excrement – and boy does it reek). There was also brilliant pieces of interactive art and ‘c@#t soap’ for sale in the gift shop (see pic!).

We spent almost five hours at the museum (including a delicious lunch with wine from the winery on premises), but the experience starts before you get there. You get there by the MONA boat (with bar and onboard barista), which is the best way to approach the museum because it gives the strongest sense of its architecture and the way that it is coaxed from the hillside in which it is constructed. In fact, I’d say its up there with the best galleries in the world that I’ve been to. Here are a few more pics (and no more vaginas you’ll be happy to know…)

On the MONA boat leaving Hobart harbour with a  snow-clad Mt. Wellington in the background.

Chugging down the Derwent River towards MONA.

Arriving at MONA.

What a way to arrive!

Brett Whiteley’s Snake Wall. Very impressive and not a vagina in sight.

The Fat Car. Love it.

Okay, the hanging horse was a little creepy, but check out the pic on the left?

There were a lot more ’subversive’ art on show, but I won’t show you in case your kids are looking. You’ll have to go for yourself!

Funny money.

It’s time to rummage through my shoeboxes again for another episode of Travels in my Shoebox. I have an incredibly large collection of foreign notes and coins, but for a long time I didn’t go out of my way to collect them – I just always seemed to be stuck with a pile of money when I left a country. Yes, I’d try to buy stuff at airports or before I crossed borders, but there is a limit to how many packs of chewing gum you really need to buy. I’d been throwing stashes of foreign cash into my shoeboxes for years before I decided to skip the chewing gum buying frenzy and not only start collecting foreign notes and coins, but even have a dedicated shoebox for them. I reckon if you added them all up (and converted them to Australian dollars of course) I’d probably have a quite a few hundred dollars (or 742 packs of chewing gum). Here are some of my favourites from my collection:

Zimbabwe (Dollar)

No, that pic above isn’t a joke – up until 2009 the largest bank note in Zimbabwe was 100 Trillion dollars. That, by the way, was worth a whopping $5, and you can now get one on Ebay for around $2. I was so excited back in 2006 when I picked up my 25 billion dollar note (I got it in South Africa), but that’s only loose change in Zimbabwe.

Burma/Myanmar (Kyat)

These notes weren’t  in circulation when I visited Burma, but I had to buy some. Who in their right mind thought it was a good idea to have a 15, 35 and 75 Kyat banknotes.

Mind you, at least they were in a better condition than the ‘new’ notes I used in Burma…

Mongolia (Tögrög)

They do love their horses in Mongolia. Every single note had a lovely etching of frolicking mares on it. It was also one of the most difficult currencies to pronounce in my travels: Toogroog? Tugrug? TowgRowg? Or something like that.

Belarus (Ruble)

Not only did the Belarus folk like cute little critters on their notes, the notes themselves were cute little tiny things – they were not much bigger than a large stamp.

East Germany (Ostmark)

This was funny money because it was worth sod all. Actually, it was worth something, but there was nothing to buy in East Germany. Back in the 80s you could cross into East Berlin for the day, but you had to exchange a 25 Marks at a 1:1 exchange rate with the West German Mark – although you could easily get the Ostmark on the black market at 5:1. The only problem was that unless you wanted to buy badly-made plastic buckets or terrible food  there was nothing to spend your money on. The country was so exciting that they put industrial chimney stacks belching out smoke on their 50 Mark note…

Russia (Ruble)

I visited Russia twice – back in 1992 and in 2001. Back in ‘92 the restaurant food was inedible and GUM department store sold badly-made plastic buckets. In 2001 the restaurant food was unaffordable and GUM department store sold Armani suits. The money had changed also – but I think I preferred the old 10 ruble note. It looked more, well… Russian!



Old Russian 10 Ruble note



New Russian 10 Ruble note

I could keep going, but I can see you losing interest already, so that will do for now. In the next installment of Travels in my Shoebox I’ll drag out some new additions to my impressive, and impressively large,  postcard collection.

Getting on the piste.

I’m off to New Zealand tomorrow to go skiing. I’ll be based in Methven (near Christchurch) and I’ll be skiing Mt Hutt, Craigeburn and also heli-skiing in the Arrowsmith ranges with Methven Heliski. And boy, am I excited. The heliskiing day (which is NZ$975 for 5 runs!) is my birthday treat to myself (I’ll be doing it actually on my birthday!). The first time I went heli-skiing (back in 1995) was with Methven Heliski and it was one of the best ski days of my life (what am I saying, it was one of the BEST days of my life!). In fact, I often get asked what is my number one dream travel destination and it’s always the same answer: heliskiing for a week in Alaska (and I will do it one day!). If you haven’t guessed, I love skiing and, if you can just indulge me for a moment, I’d like to share my five favourite ski runs that I’ve hurtled myself down over the years. Mind you, these aren’t just ’ski runs’, I consider them amazing travel/adventure experiences:

Parsenn to Kublis, Davos, Switzerland

According to the Guinness Book of Records this run, at 15 kms long, is the longest marked piste in the world. I did this on my second ever day skiing out of Australia and it was such an amazing experience (the most amazing part being that it was about the total length of ALL the ski runs on any Victorian ski resort). It took us (I was skiing with a bunch of Aussies I’d met) three-hours to do it – although a bit of of that time was stopping half way for a refreshing ale. The run went from wide-open piste to skiing through a forest, down country lanes, through sleepy villages and ending up at Kublis train station where you jumped on a normal train back to the town of Davos.



The start of the 15 km Parsenn to Kublis run

Me on the way down…

La Vallée Blanche, Chamonix, France

The Vallée Blanche is a 20km off-piste route that starts at 3812 meters on the Aiguille du Midi and drops 2,800 metres through amazing scenery past giant walls of ice, giant crevices and with Mont Blanc towering over you. You really need a guide (or you could fall in one of those giant crevices) and even with one you almost wet your pants before you even start. Before you even put your skis on there is the infamous arête (a ridge) from the cable car station where you are roped together with your guide (if one goes we all go). You have to clamber down, skis and poles in one hand, hanging on to a guide rope with the other, for about 100 metres, with sheer drops on either side. People fall off this ridge and die each and every year –  once you slide it is goodnight Vienna. The actual run after was easy in comparison – even skiing over tiny bridges over huge chasms and over the the Mer de Glace, which means Sea of Ice and in parts was sheer ice.



The Aiguille du Midi (3842 m) is the start of the Vallee Blanche

Heading down that scary ridge!

Dodging crevices and large walls of ice.

Saustal, Mürren, Switzerland

Saustal isn’t a ski run. It’s not marked on any map except on the summer hiking map (which is marked as extremely difficult). It’s not easy to get to, either. I did this ‘run’ with Chris Von Allmen, a local fellow who had been skiing this area for 50 years. He offered to take me and my boss from London (I was working as a ski guide in the Jungfrau Region) on an ‘adventure’. The adventure began at the top of the Schilthorn (Blofeld’s evil headquarters from ‘On her majesty’s secret service’). And it wasn’t just popping on our skis – we had do clamber over a fence then walk along a narrow ridge (another one!). Then we dropped down into Saustal (a wide, long valley) and skied for over two hours through virgin untracked snow without a single person in sight. You could have only done this with a local who knew every inch of the valley. We ended up in the town of Isenfluh where Chris’s brother-in-law Henry was waiting at an outside cafe with large mugs of beer for us..



The ridge we walked along, and on the other side is Saustal.

Heliskiing, Arrowsmith ranges, Cantebury, New Zealand

I’ve heliskied five times now, and although they have all been simply amazing, you can’t beat your first time. A helicopter takes you from the valley floor then climbs and climbs and climbs into the heart of the range then dumps you on the top of a mountain peak. When the chopper flies off it is total silence and there is untracked deep powder snow as far as you can see. There was only four of us (three punters and a guide) on my virgin outing in virgin snow and I have never hollered so loudly or joyously as when I dropped down into the first of five verrrry long runs for the day. When you got to the bottom the helicopter would pick you up and take you to the top of another mountain peak. Even the lunch was spectacular. At one point the helicopter landed and I got up to get out and the guide motioned for me to sit down and threw out a large box in the snow. We then took off and landed on another peak and skied down until…we came upon the big box. Our guide then proceeded to dig a hole in the snow and made a table. Out of the box came a table cloth and plates of huge prawns, roast chicken, hot soup, salads, rolls and a big chocolate cake. It was the best restaurant view I’d ever had and at place at that time it was the best meal I’d ever eaten. And in less than a week I’ll be doing it all again!



Yes, wow. That’s the Arrowsmith ranges (and you can see the chopper  taking off)

The Lauberhorn, Wengen, Switzerland

The Lauberhornennen downhill course is the longest in the world at 4.455 kms with skiers reaching top speeds approaching 160 km/h on the Haneggschuss (the highest speeds on the World Cup circuit). The Lauberhorn downhill course is also said to be the most picturesque in the world, surrounded by the Eiger, Mönch, and Jungfrau above the Lauterbrunnen valley. Another infamous part of the run is the Hundschopf, a signature 40 m jump over… well, pretty much a cliff face. I’d been down the ‘run’ many times, but one year I got to go down it the day it first opened after the race – and I’d borrowed a pair of racing skis (a very long 215cm compared to normal skis that are around 170cm). I didn’t hurtle down at full throttle the whole way (I’m not that mad), but I did go off (or more like you fall off) the Hundschopf and I did go in full tuck down the very firm and icy Haneggschuss. I didn’t quite reach 160km/h, but I would have easily gone over 100km/h. And yes I almost wet my pants and had a heart attack all at the same time. But boy, was it an absolute buzz to travel that fast with only a couple of planks strapped to your boots!



Getting air on the Haneggschuss – not me, though (although I did get plenty of air and almost wet myself)

The Hundschopf – another pant-wetting moment!

Right, I better go pack my woolies (and plastic underpants for the scary bits) and hopefully I’ll see you when I get back!

What’s app?

For quite a while I refused to take my phone with me when I travelled. I actually liked being away and feeling like I was truly away. And I certainly didn’t want to sit in a cafe with a beer in hand and update my Facebook page about sitting in a cafe with a beer in hand. I resisted for a while then one day, a few years back, I flew into London for a connecting flight to Zurich and all the planes were grounded because of fog and I was put up in a hotel. The problem was that someone was picking me up from Zurich airport. I couldn’t call or text until I got to the hotel, but by then it was too late because they were already on their way to the airport. I had to call them from the hotel phone to tell them what happened. That cost me 80 dollars. A text would have cost me 50 cents. From then on I took my phone with me when i travelled. Then along came the iPhone and I now sit in a cafe with a beer in hand and update my Facebook page about sitting in a cafe with a beer in hand.

But, I have to say, I do love having my phone with me now when I travel. And mostly because of the great travel apps available. Here are my favourites that I use quite a bit:

Instagram (Free)

I jumped on Instagram when it started and I love that you can add filters to your happy phone snaps and turn them into professional-looking photos that a hack like me would have no idea how to take. You can also tag your photos so you can brag about where you are in the world.

iTranslate (99 cents – get in early before the price goes up!)

This new app is amazing – but it does take a bit of the fun out of travelling. It’s quite simple: you talk into your phone which then quickly translates it into one of 31 languages. And when that person replies in that language it will translate it back into English. Yes, I’m guessing that it will save a lot of hassle, but I actually enjoy being totally and utterly confused in a foreign country.

Trip Advisor (Free)

An oldie but a goodie. Yes, some of the reviews are a little suspect, but overall it’s a great app to find places to stay or eat. I’ve eaten at some absolutely wonderful restaurants/cafes in my travels because of Trip Advisor that I wouldn’t have ’stumbled’ on otherwise. And I love the ‘Near Me Now’ button. Also, found some great hotels as well.

Hotels.com (Free)

Once you’ve found that hotel on trip advisor just go to the Hotels.com app and book a room. Earlier this year I walked up to a hotel desk in LA and asked how much for a room. The price was $110. I then stepped back, used the hotel’s free lobby wi-fi, opened up my Hotels.com app and booked a room at the same hotel for $70. I then waited a minute and walked up to the same front desk and checked in.

Kayak (Free)

You can book flights, book hire cars and book hotels with this app (it’s the No.1 travel app apparently) , but I love it for it’s ‘flight tracker’ which has up to date plane departures and arrivals. The one time that it saved me sitting around the airport for five hours made it worth it alone.

xe (Free)

I’m really bad at maths, so this app is handy when I’m trying to figure out how much 23,000 Dong is in Aussie dollars. You can also create your own list with the countries that you will be travelling through and watch the exchange rate rise and dip along the way.

WhatsApp (99 cents)

I have free texts with my phone in Australia, but as soon as I leave the country I get charged 50 cents a text. This App lets you send FREE texts anywhere in the world (as long as you are connected to free wifi that is). I haven’t used it yet, but the great thing is that, unlike Facebook Messenger or Skype, the message comes from your your mobile number and utilises your address books.

Swingers Club ($3.99)

This app is great when you are out of town and hangin’ out for a bit of swingin’ action. I’ve used it a lot and…..okay, I don’t even own this app, but if you are into swinging then you can find swingers parties all over the U.S. And it also has all the critical information you need, including rules and descriptions of each “lifestyle establishment” so you know exactly what to expect when arriving at the “social gathering”. There’s even a ‘wife swapping’ section. Hmmm, maybe I will join….

Does anyone have any other good travel apps on their phone?

Beer coasting.

It’s Part Two of Travels in my Shoebox and I’ve dragged out a few coasters from my impressive and, some may say, worryingly large collection of beer coasters (it’s so large that I need two shoeboxes). Coasters are one of the few souvenirs that I actually collect in my travels – okay, and maybe that has a lot to do with the fact that they are FREE. I’ve picked my way through them (or should that be pickled my way) and pulled out the coasters that have a story behind them (mind you, there are many that I can’t remember the stories – and the beer brand on the coasters may have something to do with that). Incidentally, the pic on the right is not part of one of my stories – well, I don’t think it was at least. So, pull up a bar stool and enjoy…

Or…the beer that made binge drinking famous. Well, at the Sapporo bier garten it does at least. Attached to the brewery is a massive beer hall where you pay around $40 to eat – and this is where the bingeing comes in – drink as much as you can in 100 minutes. A mini-grill is set up on your table then the waitress proceeds to bring out plates of marinated mutton and vegetables and bottomless mugs of beer. I went with a Japanese fellow who could eat, drink and smoke at the same time. He managed to drink $40 worth of beer in the first half hour.

Chingis is Mongolian for Genghis – as in Genghis Khan. Yes, Chingis may have raped and pillaged his way across Asia (and beheaded a few hundred thousand people along the way  just for kicks), but that didn’t stop the Mongolians naming their countries premier beer after him. You don’t really imagine Mongolians making good beer (their national tipple is fermented mare’s milk after all), but this ‘German’ style lager is one of the best beers I’ve ever had. Or maybe it just tasted so good after drinking all that mare’s milk.

The beer at the Augustiner Bräu Kloster Mülln (trying saying that after a few beers) in Salzburg, Austria is brewed by monks. After a night of guzzling this fine drop I staggered back to the hostel with a bunch of fellow backpackers through the quiet backstreets of Salzburg belting out ‘Do-re-Mi’ and ‘These are a few of my favourite things’ at the top of our well-sozzled lungs. This, I imagine, must happen on most nights in Salzburg, which would help to explain why the locals hate The Sound of Music.

I picked up this coaster at a Russian Mafia owned karaoke bar in Moscow. I only had one beer because it cost an arm and a leg (not literally – although I bet the mafia have taken a few arms and a legs in their time). You can read the entire story in the Russian chapter from my Karaoke World Tour blog.

I picked this one up in Antwerp, Belgium. Apparently the ‘forbidden fruit’ wasn’t an apple – it was a frothy mug of Hoegaarden beer. Their tag line is ‘Let yourself be seduced’. And with 8.8% alcohol Adam wouldn’t have had much problem doing some seducing.

Okay, I did to pick up this coaster from the Davy Byrnes pub in Dublin, but I can’t remember much of the night at all. Either could the author James Joyce by the sounds of it. He wrote about the pub: ‘He entered Davy Byrnes. Moral pub. He doesn’t chat. Stands a drink now and then. But in a leap year once in four. Cashed a cheque for me once.’ I think he drank a few more pints than I did when he wrote that.

This is an old one – when Germany had an East and West (although I did pick up this coaster – and drink this beer – in London). The nice thing about this beer is that you can get plastered (it’s ’strong in alcohol’) while staying nice and trim (it’s a ‘diet’ lager).

I got this on the Carlsberg brewery tour in Copenhagen, Denmark. I met a couple of English guys on the tour (who had done the tour before) and had worked out how to get lots of free beer. ‘Stick with us,’ they said to me, when the tour finished. While everyone sat down at different tables for the free tastings the guys waited then jumped on a table filled with old ladies. The ladies didn’t touch their beer, so we had the lot. It was hard work, though. First of all we only had 20 minutes to drink it all and – for me at least this was a challenge – it was only 10.30 in the morning.

I went to the Hofbrauhaus in Munich once. That was enough. Yes, they make a mighty fine beer and the oompah music has as much oompah as other beer hall oompah music bands in Munich, but there just aren’t many Germans there. I spoke to a waitress who told me that she hadn’t served a single German customer the whole night. It was full of drunk and obnoxious Aussies. I could have stayed at home and been in bar full of drunk Aussies. I preferred the Löwenbräukeller, which was full of drunk and obnoxious Germans.

I’ve had many an afternoon or evening sitting outside the The Bulldog ‘Palace’ in Amsterdam with a large bottle of Grolsch. The ‘cafe’ is in Leidseplein (one of the main squares) and it’s great spot to watch all the freaks. And in Amsterdam there are plenty – although most of them are just spaced-out foreigners high on grass and space-cakes in a desperate dash for a munchy fix at McDonalds.

In Minnesota, beer coasters recommend that you ‘Pick up a local honey’. So that’s exactly what I did. Then I married her.

Next time on ‘Travels in my Shoebox’ I’ll take you on a journey through my collection of funny-money banknotes…

Travels in my shoebox.

I have a cupboard full of shoeboxes. But they’re not filled with shoes. They are filled with mementos from my travels. Inside are maps, coasters, matches, restaurant and hotel receipts, napkins, badges, stickers and… well, all kinds of crap. I’m so organised (or have a good dose of OCD) that I even have allocated separate boxes for certain items including beer coasters, bank notes and boarding passes. There’s all kinds of interesting bit and pieces in my boxes, so I’ve decided to do a semi-regular blogisode on the contents of my travelling shoeboxes. And I’m starting with my boarding passes. Yes, it may be a little sad, but I collect my boarding passes and I have a rather impressive collection even if I do say so myself. I won’t show them all (the Jetstar flight from Melbourne to Sydney isn’t that exciting), but these are either interesting airlines or have interesting stories that accompanied that flight…

I flew Business Class (or the rather flash-sounding ‘Club Class’) with Uzbekistan airways and the only difference between Cattle Class was that we got a linen tablecloth with our ham and salad roll.

My name may have been Bryn Thacker and Indonesia ranks as one of the worst countries for air-safety records, but boy are they cheap. And at least Merpati have been around a while and they haven’t run out of planes yet. Oh, and ‘Say No To Drug’ – they just don’t specify which one!

The ‘Treasure of Myanmar’ was actually very nice. The plane was relatively new, we departed right on time and the very full plane landed in Bagan (from Mandalay) to let just two of  us off, while the rest flew on to Yangon.

This was one of the most surprising flights I’d ever been on. To be honest I wasn’t expecting much from Ethiopian Airlines, but the plane was brand new, the food was excellent and the service was impeccable. They could teach a few other well-known airlines a thing or two (not mentioning any names United Airlines).

Pan Am. Remember them? I took this flight from London to New York in October 1989. The flight number was originally PA103, but they changed it to PA103 after the Lockerbie bombing in December 1988. I’d always wanted to fly Pan Am because I had a Pan Am board game where you raced each other around the world. It was that game with all the exotic place names that got me interested in geography and travel.

It’s always a worry when the whole plane breaks into rapturous applause when the plane lands. The plane may have been a little old, but hey they did do a lovely pasta salad and chocolate mousse.

I do have about another 200 boarding passes, but I won’t bore you any further. There is, however, just one boarding pass that I really want to add to my collection. It’s this….



Eva Air in Taiwan have Hello Kitty planes where everything, and I mean everything, is Hello Kitty themed –  from the fuselage to the flight attendants, cushions, check in, baggage tickets, and even the food is Hello Kitty themed (I’m talking pink spaghetti and kitty shaped buns). Here’s what to expect…

The interior of the plane.

The scary Hello Kitty food (although the Hello Kitty hosties are cute!)

And what’s even scarier is that this is the pilot!

Coming up next on ‘Travel in my Shoebox’ is my beer coaster collection!

How do you say Coca Cola in Arabic?

Or how do you say ‘Stop’ in Arabic? In October I’m heading to the Moroccan desert to run a travel writer’s retreat (find out all about it here), so for old time’s sake I was flicking through my old photos of the trip I did to Morocco many moons ago. Amongst my shots of snake charmers and bedouin shepherds I took a bunch of photos of well-known brands in Arabic. Even though they are pretty much squiggly lines you can tell what most of them are. I’ve also added a couple more that I’ve picked up in my travels – can you pick the brands below?

The last one is hard, isn’t it?

أنشأت هذه المجموعة باللغة العربية لهو

I’ve got no idea what that headline means, but I do know what that sign on the left means. In October I’m heading to the Moroccan desert to run a travel writer’s retreat (find out all about it here), so for old time’s sake I was flicking through my old photos of the trip I did to Morocco many moons ago. Amongst my shots of snake charmers and bedouin shepherds I took a bunch of photos of well-known brands in Arabic. Even though they are pretty much squiggly lines you can tell what most of them are. I’ve also added a couple more that I’ve picked up in my travels – can you pick the brands below?

The last one is hard, isn’t it?

Your last chance to win!

There has been some great group shots posted on my Facebook page, but there is still one more day to post a pic for your chance to win a signed copy of the original Rule No.5; No sex on the bus. And for some inspiration I’ve dragged out a few more old group photos from my Top Deck days. The pic on the right was from 1992 on a 16-day European tour called ‘Highlights of Europe’ – and what I dubbed ‘Highways of Europe ‘ because we sped through 9 countries in 16 days. This is Schutzenbach campsite in Lauterbrunnen, Switzerland. And for those that have read Rule No.5: No sex on the bus you can spot the infamous Coach Captain Kevin Kelvin in the pic (he’s the tall cool-looking dude in shades at the back)…

There he is!

This is my first week as a ski guide for Top Deck ski on the Schilthorn above Murren in Switzerland (I’m on the left). Those early 90s ski jacket designs had a lot to answer for!

This is the same resort (in Wengen) at the end of the season in 1994. This was a fancy dress day (I’m on the far left with the nice shorts – and nice legs!). The fellow next to me spent most of the day skiing in a pair of speedos, swimming cap and swimming goggles!

Ah, the old weekly fancy dress party! Arabs were popular on this night – or more likely people forgot to bring a fancy dress, so they used their towels and bedding!

Don’t forget to post your pic and don’t forget to like my Facebook page. I’d like that.

It was 20 years ago today…

Although it seems more like only six years ago, it was 20 years ago today that I set off for London to take part in a 'training trip' to become a tour leader with Top Deck. In an old English double-decker bus – which was converted into a cosy motorhome to sleep twenty-four sweaty, smelly, sexually hyperactive 18-30 year olds – I joined a bunch of other hopeful tour leaders and drivers for a three-week, intense trip from hell. Out of the 15 wannabe tour leaders only three of us had that perfect mix of tinpot dictator, incorrigible smartarse and expertise in self-preservation to pass. I then spent the next three years dragging drunk and often disorientated passengers from Barcelona to Budapest to Berlin and many bars in between. The tales of debauchery that took place became the subject of my first book Rule No.5: No sex on the bus (and yes that was a rule in the 'Crew Handbook').

On just about every one of my 20-odd trips around Europe as a tour leader we would visit the traditional fishing village (or traditional twee tourist village) of Vollendam in Holland to get a group photo. Everyone donned the traditional 'national' costume. For men, that was baggy pantaloons, red and white striped jackets and little black fisherman's caps, while the women wore 'seven-coloured' skirts and white lace bonnets. And both sexes wore those podiatrist's nightmare wooden clogs. Inevitably the biggest and most yobbish of fellows would dress in the women's costume and take great delight in fondling each other's foam breasts. I can't talk, though. After my sixth or ninth group photo I got bored with the pantaloons and started wearing the pretty lace bonnets and, anyway, I look quite fetching in a dress. Here are just a few photos from my rather impressive collection. Can you spot me in each shot?

I look hot with my red flaming hair...

Only three of us are not from Hong Kong…

Our training trip group shot – where I picked up a buxom driver called Steve…

I'd given up on women's costumes and started eating plastic fish…

And finally resorted to downing large jugs of grog!

Do you have any funny group photos from your travels? Whether you were on a tour or with the bunch of mad Canadians that you travelled with in Thailand. Well, if you 'Like' my Facebook page and post a group photo from your travels I'll pick a random winner who will receive a signed copy of the original 'Rule No.5: No sex on the bus'. You've got till the 21st of April to post a pic and have a chance to win!