J.D. Rhoades's Blog, page 24

Review: A FINE AND DANGEROUS SEASON, by Keith Raffel

A Fine and Dangerous Season by Keith Raffel

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


What I liked most about this book is the way it showed how history is made by real people, with all their strengths, weaknesses, flaws, old grudges, resentments, grace, loyalty, faithlessness, idealism, and cynicism--sometimes all in the same character. Keith Raffel does a great job of portraying his people, both historical and fictional, so that you care not only about what happens to the country (which you probably already know) but what happens to them. That's what makes the best historical fiction, and the way Raffel handles the "ticking clock" of the Cuban Missile Crisis makes this a top-notch thriller as well. Recommended.



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The Latest Threat to Our Freedoms: Rental Bikes?

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It seems there’s this new thing in New York City called CitiBike. Based on similar bike-sharing systems in other major cities around the world, Citibike, according to its website, “consists of a fleet of specially designed, sturdy, very durable bikes that are locked into a network of docking stations sited at regular intervals around a city. The bikes can be rented from and then returned to any station in the system.” It’s run (and this is important) by a private company and receives no money from the city, although the city’s Department of Transportation (yes, NYC has its own DOT) endorses it. CitiBike brags that it’s “creating 170 jobs and generating $36 million in local economic activity annually.”
Sounds pretty cool, right? Who could possibly object to a job-creating, convenient, innovative transportation option run by private enterprise?
Well, the Wall Street Journal Editorial Board, for one. Or at least its chairman, a lady named Dorothy Rabinowitz. In an extraordinary five-minute video rant posing as an interview (and entitled “Death by Bicycle”), Ms. Rabinowitz rails against the program asif it were Hitler’s annexation of Czechoslovakia. Tossed a softball question about why the program was needed (“are we too fat?”) the diminutive and belligerent Ms. Rabinowitz was off and running: "Do not ask me to enter the minds of the totalitarians running this city.” But she was just getting started: "I would like to say to the people who don't live in New York... envision what happens when you get a government run by an autocratic leader."



Well…okay, I will, but what does that have to do with a privately funded and completely optional bike rental program? The raging Ms. Rabinowitz is never really clear. What is clear is that she really doesn’t like New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg or Transportation Commissioner Janette Sadik-Khan, who she describes as “ideology-maddened.”
She’s not all that crazy about bicyclists, either. “The most important danger in this city,” she insists, “is not the yellow cabs… it is the cyclists, empowered by the city administration.”Wow. If bicyclists are “the most important danger in the city,” then I guess they’ve completely licked crime, pollution and terrorism. You’d think Mayor Bloomberg would get more credit. She also warns darkly about “the bike lobby” which she characterizes as “an all-powerful enterprise.” (If you wondered where all the Mafiosi went, they’re running Schwinn.)
It’s hard to watch the video without wondering “What on Earth is the matter with this woman?” So, a little Google, a little Wikipedia, and we find that: “Dorothy Rabinowitz is an American conservative journalist and commentator.”
Oh, a conservative. That explains everything. In the past few years, “conservatism” has become less and less about an intellectual movement and more and more about being addicted to hysteria and hyperbole. It’s a mindset where someone choosing to rent a cheerful bright blue Citibike from a private company can become as ominous a symbol of tyranny as a Red Chinese tank in Tiananmen Square. It’s a mindset where Agenda 21, a non-binding, completely voluntary action plan by the UN (essentially 300 boring pages of suggestions—seriously, read it sometime), can be characterized byGlenn Beck as a plan for "centralized control over all of human life on planet Earth” and lead to concerned declarations deploring it by our own county commissioners, who apparently had too much time on their hands.
Some of the blame can be laid, I think, at the feet (or tentacles) of the Internet. No one gets page views, re-tweets, and links to their sites by responding to, for instance, the loss of an election by saying things like “Well, I’m disappointed but the people have spoken”. No, to get attention, you’ve got to respond by thundering “We are no longer a democracy!” (Donald Trump) or “Goodluk America u just voted for economic & spiritual suicide” (Ted Nugent). By the same token, no one’s going to watch a video with a nice little old lady from the WSJ saying, in a reasonable tone, “I think suddenly flooding New York’s crowded streets with rental bikes, probably ridden by people who don’t own their own and therefore may not ride much, may be risky.” That might be a valid point, but it’s not going to go viral.
In the online age, you’ve got to pitch a fit to get people to listen. You’ve got to throw a tantrum. It’s an environment particularly suited for modern conservatives, or, as a writer friend of mine calls them, “The Tantrumists.” Perhaps the WSJ should change its name to the “Tantrum Gazette.”

Review: BOOK OF SHADOWS, by Alexandra Sokoloff

Book of Shadows by Alexandra Sokoloff

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Alex Sokoloff blew me away with her first novel "The Harrowing", and she's just gotten better and better with every book. She writes what I like to call "whatdunnits": mysteries and thrillers with a supernatural overtone in which the main characters (and the reader) are trying to figure out if their enemy is a particularly evil human or...something else, something Other. This is a brilliant example of that style, with some added eroticism to spice things up. Sokoloff is an deft, assured writer with a real gift for putting your head right into the scene using all the senses. She can really bring the shivers, both the sexy and the scary kind. Highly recommended.



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Don't Leave Me This Way, Michele!

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I’m in mourning.
Seriously, I’m digging around in my sock drawer for the black armband I wore when Sarah Palin quit the governorship of Alaska after only half a term, because, you know, she found out that governing is really haaaaard, and people are meeeeean to you sometimes.
This time, the female Republican who’s broken my heart is Minnesota Congresswoman Michele Bachmann (R-Crazytown), who announced this past week that she’s not going to run again for the seat that God himself told her to use as a springboard to the Presidency (Fickle fellow, this God of hers. If my deity was this changeable, we might wake up some day to find that water ran uphill and that Nickelback isn’t a terrible band).
For a guy like me whose sometime profession is mocking the easily mockable, the loss of the Congresswoman with the Charlie Manson eyes is a crushing blow. So I feel like I have to address her directly.
Michele, ma belle, how could you do this to me? Don’t all the good times mean anything to you? Like the time you noted the “interesting coincidence” that swine flu broke out under two Democratic Presidents—Jimmy Carter and Barack Obama? And the way you got that totally wrong, since the first swine flu epidemic broke out under Republican Gerald Ford?
Remember the time you delivered the so-called “Tea Party Response” after the Republican response to the State of the Union address—and did the whole thing staring blankly off camera, as if you couldn’t look us in the eyes? Of course, it turned out, you were looking at a special live feed camera only the Teabaggers could see—which was also the camera with the teleprompter? Only you could create that level of hilarious irony, Michele.
I remember the time when you were the Republican Party’s latest ABR (Anyone But Romney). That was before you crashed and burned your own Presidential campaign by claiming that the human papillomavirus (HPV) vaccine created “dangerous consequences,” including mental retardation, because some unnamed woman outside a campaign rally told you it had.  I remember the times when you called upon your followers to be “armed and dangerous” to stop a cap-and trade bill and to “slit their wrists” to stop health care reform.
 I’d looked forward to a long and happy future making fun of you. And now you’ve gone and thrown all that away. It’s gone, all gone.
Why Michele, why? Why you got to do me like that?
Is it because of the investigations into illegal use ofcampaign funds (fueled by disgruntled staffers who you apparently didn’t pay)? Is it because your Democratic opponent has been making steady early gains in the polls against you, in a district you won by less than 5000 votes last time? Did the Republican leadership get to you? Did they whisper in your ear that “oh, the evil liberals will be pouring money in to defeat Your Right Wing Awesomeness, do this for the Good Of the Party” and tempt you with what every wingnut likes better than almost anything—playing the martyr?
Or maybe you think there’s a big payout in being a professional right winger on Fox News like Mike Huckabee, or as the head of some right wing “think tank” like Jim DeMint. Because as much as the wingnuts love to play the martyr, they like payingthe martyr almost as much. I get that. I mean, you can’t live just off the farm subsidies and Medicaid provider payments you rail against even as your family benefits from them.
Well, whatever your motivation, we still have some time together, before you leave the Congressional stage. So, Michele, I’m begging you, baby, do this one thing for me. Make this your last hurrah. You’ve got nothing to lose. Whatever inhibitions you might have had, cast them aside and go full bat-spit right wing crazy.
Conspiracy theorist Alex Jones recently claimed that the government had “weather machines” that President Obama used to cause the Oklahoma tornadoes. Honey, you can do better than that standing on your head. Claim that climate change is caused by Obama’s giant sun-reflecting orbital mirrors (funded by ACORN, of course, and administered by the IRS). Insist, on camera, that a woman outside a 7/11 in Duluth personally assured you that the new Playstation 4 and Xbox One have secret embedded mind-control software that compels users to blindly march into FEMA-controlled concentration camps and sign over all their property to gay illegal immigrants.  
Of course, these are just suggestions. I know you can bring the insanity like no one else, and give me column material on into 2014.
Do it, darlin’. Do it for me.  

Review: Layer Cake by J.J. Connolly

Layer Cake by J.J. Connolly

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


A young drug dealer who fancies himself a bit above it all, a bit smarter than the average thug, learns some harsh lessons at the hands of some very bad people. The book is written in first person, in such a thick British criminal argot that it took me back to the first time I read "A Clockwork Orange." Eventually, you adjust to it, though. The plot wanders a bit in the middle, but eventually it all comes together in a fast and furious climax of big fish eating little fish, only to find out that, as the man said, there's always a bigger fish. Recommended.



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Holiday Vacation Guide 2013

The Pilot: Southern Pines, NC

On this holiday weekend, of course, we remember those who gave their lives in service.

But Memorial Day also marks the beginning of the summer. With summer comes vacation (for some, at least). And with vacations comes travel. Which means it's time once again for our annual roundup of vacation destinations that are unusual, offbeat, or just plain weird.

  *I have to say, I'm more than a little jealous of the folks in New Jersey (one of the few times you'll ever hear me say that). Why, you may ask? Well, they have a neat battleship memorial, just like the one we have in Wilmington. But at the U.S.S. New Jersey Battleship Memorial, you actually get to fire one of the big 16-inch guns. Sort of.

Seems that when the state cut funding for the memorial, they needed to come up with extra cash, pronto. So, for 30 bucks extra, you can climb into the turret, load the shells, pack the powder bags, load the target info into the gun's primitive computer, and pull the big brass trigger.

Sadly, one does not actually get to lob a 1,900-pound high-explosive shell at the state capital in Trenton (which might at least make the legislature reconsider the funding cuts). There is a heck of a big bang and a rumble that simulates what the gun crew must have felt, which is to say probably the biggest rush you can experience with your clothes on. (If you think that last sentence means I need to get out more, you're probably right.)

*If you've ever looked up during a camping trip or picnic and said, "You know what? There just aren't enough bugs here to suit me," then The Bugseum of New Jersey in Toms River may be just your thing. Even though they boast a collection of "thousands of beautiful and bizarre exotic insects from all over the world," the Bugseum (aka "Insectropolis") isn't just about watching our six-legged friends at work and play. Oh, no. You can "play bug games" on touch-screen computers, or crawl through their mud tube pretending to be a termite.

Seriously. They advertise this.

Before you leave, you have the opportunity to "touch a live tarantula, scorpion, millipede, and a hissing cockroach." Wheeee!


The website promises that "a world of amazing creatures awaits." If it's waiting for me, it's going to be a while.

-*If you go to Southern Illinois University in Carbondale, don't forget to visit King Tut's Pyramid. No, not that King Tut. The King Tut buried under a concrete pyramid at SIU's stadium is a dog. A saluki, in fact, which is a kind of Egyptian hunting dog allegedly favored by the pharaohs.

King Tut was the first of his breed to serve as the school's official mascot after they changed their team name to the Salukis. It's a silly name, to be sure, but better than the team's old name: The Maroons.

*The recent hit movie "Lincoln" has inspired a revival of interest in our nation's 16th president. If The Great Emancipator is one of your interests, then you have to check out the famous - or perhaps we should say notorious - Lincoln statue in front of the Bennington Museum in Bennington, Vt.

Crafted by distinguished 19th century sculptor Clyde du Vernet Hunt, the statue portrays Lincoln, draped in a knee-length cloak, as Charity. He's accompanied by the figures of Faith and Hope. So far, so good. Except that Faith is a comely young woman kneeling before Lincoln, facing him with her head at his waist level and half-wrapped in his cloak, and Hope is a nude young boy, also facing Lincoln, who has his hand fondly on the naked youth's head.


I understand that it was sculpted in a simpler, more innocent time, but to 21st century eyes, the effect is ... unsettling, to say the least.

* While you're in New England, be sure to drop by Cheshire, Mass., and check out a tribute to one really big cheese.

The Cheshire Cheese monument commemorates the accomplishments of one John Leland ("eloquent preacher, beloved pastor, influential patriot"), the crowning moment of whose life was delivering a Cheshire cheese weighing some 1,235 pounds to President Thomas Jefferson "in the presence of foreign diplomats, Supreme Court judges, and the Congress."

One can only imagine the bemusement of the assembled dignitaries when the cheese-loving cleric wheeled that monstrosity into the room. And what does the monument itself portray? A giant cheese press, of course. What else?

Wherever you're headed this summer, have fun and drive safely.

Review: THE HARD BOUNCE by Todd Robinson

The Hard Bounce by Todd Robinson

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


It's a standard P.I. novel plot: rich powerful man asks the wisecracking gumshoe to find and bring back his troubled young daughter. P.I. goes looking, poking around and asking questions, until someone beats him up or takes a shot at him and he discovers that things aren't as they seem, and things get more complicated from there.

In Todd Robinson's original take on the well-worn plot, however, the protagonist and his sidekick aren't P.I.'s, they're bouncers for downscale bars. They're professional kickers of asses, and they're as apt to dish out a beating with their questions as to take one--but only if the lowlife in question deserves it. And in their quest to find the girl, Boo Malone and Junior McCullough find plenty of folks who deserve it. They're saved from being portrayed as mere leg-breakers by Robinson's sharp, funny dialogue and the characters' fierce, years-long loyalty to each other. You quickly come to really care about the big bruisers and the surrogate family they've cobbled together over years of hard knocks. The book has plenty of twists and surprises, as any good hardboiled adventure should, and it all comes together to a fine, satisfying ending.

Recommended.



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In Which I Try To Bring Left And Right Together

Outrage Should Cut Both Ways | The Pilot: Southern Pines, NC

I agree that the seizure of the phone records of The Associated Press by the Department of Justice is outrageous.

I also agree that it's outrageous for the IRS to have singled out tea party groups for extra scrutiny regarding their petitions to get tax-exempt status as "social welfare," rather than "political" organizations.

But these scandals give all of us, on the left and the right and the big squishy middle, an unprecedented opportunity to work together. Let's start with the DOJ seizure of AP's phone information.

They're being typically close-mouthed about it at the time of this writing, but it appears that the information was gathered pursuant to investigatory powers that were greatly expanded as a major part of the 2001 Patriot Act, including the infamous "National Security Letters," which allow the government to legally demand information without judicial oversight or the knowledge of the person being investigated.

And, while the DOJ won't say what investigation the phone records were pertinent to, we do know they've been investigating who leaked information to AP about a CIA operation against a terrorist cell in Yemen, a leak which the DOJ claims threatened national security.

I hate to say "I told you so," but I can't help but mention how ironic it is that I was once called a traitor for writing columns against the act, by the same sort of people who claim to be outraged now.

I said at the time, "Do you want to turn that kind of power over to Hillary Clinton?" (Because back then, it looked like Clinton was a lock for the Dem nomination.) The right wing response? "YOU WANT US TO GET ATTACKED AGAIN!!! 9/11 WAS CAUSED BY YOU LIBERALS!!!!! AAAAAAAHHH!!!!"

But let's not dwell on the past. It's time to pull together.

As for the IRS: It was absolutely wrong for the IRS to give extra scrutiny to tea party groups to see if they were involved in partisan political activity inconsistent with their nonprofit status. I mean, of course they were. All you had to do was look at their signs and listen to their rhetoric. But it was unfair to single them out.

But does anyone remember the outrage over Bush-era IRS auditing of the NAACP? Remember the outrage over Bush-era IRS audits of Greenpeace? Remember the outrage when All Saints Episcopal Church in Pasadena was threatened with losing its tax exempt status for speaking out against the Iraq War before the 2004 election (while other churches in Ohio were openly campaigning for Republican candidates)?
Yeah, me neither. Because none of that outrage ever happened, even though the actual outrages did. 

But again, let's not dwell on the past.

So here's the plan. Even though there's no evidence that the extra scrutiny of the tea party groups was ordered by the White House, I am, for the sake of amity and bipartisanship, willing to join in the Republican call that the president apologize for it in addition to merely condemning it.

You folks on the right need to see if you can get ahold of Dubbya and get him to put down his paint brush long enough to retroactively do the same in regard to progressive groups that got the same treatment.

Going forward, I'm calling on the IRS to carefully scrutinize all organizations claiming tax exempt status under section 501(c)(4) of the Internal Revenue Code, to see if they're actually partisan political rather than social welfare organizations. I expect my friends on the right to demand the same.

It should be noted, however, that conservative 501(c)(4) nonprofits like Karl Rove's Crossroads GPS spent more than $263 million during the 2012 campaign, while liberal counterparts like MoveOn.org spent "only" $35 million, according to a study performed by the Center for Responsive Politics and reported in the Washington Post. So it may look to the right as if they're being singled out again. But it's just the numbers. You do more than seven times the spending, you'll get more than seven times the investigations. I'm sure you won't mind.

As for the scandal over the phone records, I'm calling on the president and the Democrats in Congress to repeal the Patriot Act, or any provision of any law that allows the FBI to demand phone and other records they claim are "relevant to an investigation of terrorism or clandestine intelligence activity," without any judicial oversight.
I'm sure all of my friends on the right agree (now) that that kind of power shouldn't be given to anyone, even in investigations of national security leaks. If it is given, it's going to be used, because if it isn't, and something terrible happens, we know who'll get blamed, tarred and feathered. So best not to let the government have the option.

At long last, let us work together. I'm looking forward to it.

My Commencement Address To The Class of 2013

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This month, many of our country's youth will be experiencing one of the great rites of passage: college graduation.

All across our great land, young men and women, many of them hung over in conditions ranging from "Y'know, I could use another hour or so of sleep" to "Dear God, if you are a God of mercy, please kill me now," are gathering in college stadiums and auditoriums to receive their degrees.

But first, they have to sit through another hallowed tradition: the commencement address. Writers, poets, politicians, celebrities and other luminaries will stand before a sea of fresh, eager young faces and impart the wisdom they've learned over the years (or, in the case of some of the celebrities, in rehab).

And, once again, I'm not there.

Astonishing, I know. After all these years, no one has asked your Humble Columnist to deliver a commencement speech. As I pointed out the first time I made note of it in these very pages in 2000, there may be greater injustices in this world, but I can't think of any right now. I had a speech all ready, back then, and I've been working on it over the years. So, without further ado, here's my updated commencement speech for the class of 2013:

"Students and faculty of Ottsamata University, parents, friends, homeboys, besties, entourages, baby-mamas and assorted hangers-on, welcome. It's truly an honor to be invited to give the commencement speech here at good old Ottsamata U.

I know some of you out there in the crowd have big dreams. Congratulations. Dreams are good. But here's the bad news: Big dreams don't make you special. Everybody's got dreams. You need to actually do something to make them happen. Dream, then plan, then carry out the plan. Whatever you're doing in the meantime to put food on the table and a roof over your head, do at least two concrete things every single day to work that plan and bring you closer to your dream.

Will that guarantee that your dreams come true? No. Nothing will. What makes dreams come true is a combination of hard work and dumb luck. You can only control one of those. What all that effort will guarantee is that you don't end your life regretting that you never even tried.

You get better at anything by doing it with people who are much better at it than you are. This applies to most human endeavors: music, sports, writing, sex. The only exception I can think of is gunfighting.

In a world of more than 7 billion people, a certain percentage are going to be jerks. You cannot change that. You cannot change them. Don't try. As a wise person once wrote on the Internet, you are not the Jerk Whisperer.

Always remember: Freedom and democracy are not for the wimpy, faint of heart, or thin-skinned. Your right to freedom of speech is not being denied if someone calls your ideas (or you) chuckle-headed. Especially if they (or you) are.

Smart people know how much they don't know. Absolute certainty, without even that tiny seed of doubt that causes someone to search out evidence or proof, is one of the hallmarks of the complete blockhead.

Don't listen to people who tell you not to be angry. There are things worth being angry about. Ignorance, injustice, oppression - these things deserve your anger. But anger is like fire: It needs to be harnessed and directed. Fire in a boiler drives an engine or heats a building. Fire left undirected and uncontrolled will burn the place down. Direct your anger like a blowtorch. And, like any tool, put it down when you're not working.

You want to find love? Don't look for it. Don't even think about looking for it. Need is not an aphrodisiac. Work on being awesome. Do something or learn something that makes you light up inside. That light will draw people, and love will find you. And if it doesn't ... you still end up being awesome.

In conclusion, always remember that just because I don't always follow my own advice doesn't mean it's not good.

May you all find love, and may you all be awesome. Good luck."

Terrible Minds, Great Questions

I'm answering Ten Questions About Broken Shield  over at Chuck Wendig's blog terribleminds. Check it out!