Darren Littlejohn's Blog, page 3

There Are No Gurus?

...if they see someone at a meeting sharing about their problems one day and on the meditation seat teaching Dharma the next they might not understand. This diverse application of principles and membership in different groups can leave some people feeling a lack of trust. They might say things like, “Who does this guy think he is?”, “He thinks he’s better than us, “Hey, that guy’s trying to make money off of 12-Stepping,” “I’m not going to yoga, he’s trying to start a cult,” and so on. This makes my situation somewhat complicated. While historically there have been many cults in the history of yoga, Hinduism, Buddhism and even in 12-Step, there is no Kool-Aid being served here.

Codependent Once More

Many times over the years I've seen one or another version of a common scenario. The addict, after plenty of struggle, finally does get some clean time. We’d expect that would make everyone in his life happy. It does and it doesn’t. With sobriety the mechanisms of relationships-individual, family, or workplace-shift. Things fall apart. It's because everybody plays a role in the addict's life. When the addicts stop actively participating in their addiction, the co-addict sometimes loses their place. The frame of reference changes. Things stop making sense. That’s because each player in the system has a role. The system is sick.

A Buddhist’s Insight into the 12 Steps of Recovery

I embrace the teaching of mindfulness; I abstain from substances and actions that lead to intoxication and heedlessness. This precept counsels us to cultivate mindful consumption and sobriety and to abstain not only from drugs, alcohol, and other intoxicating substances, but also to avoid anything that has toxic effects, such as pornography; certain films, television programs, books, magazines, foods, and activities (like gambling or enabling another person’s addiction); or even some conversations. Keeping this precept benefits our own mental, spiritual, and physical health, and promotes our families’ and communities’ well-being, too.

12-Step Buddhist Third Annual Winter Retreat @ Breitenbush Feb 3-5, 2012

Early Bird Registration has ENDED…but there are still a few spaces remaining for our Third Annual Winter Retreat for 2012 at Breitenbush Hot Springs. We always have such an amazing time with so many great people from coast to coast.  To reserve your space, register ASAP. The price is still super reasonable compared to other

Yoga Gratitude

Hello Yogis,Here’s my guest blog on the Core Power Yoga site. I tried to write about the gratitude I feel for the studios, teachers and the practice. Feel free to leave a comment on the site: http://www.corepoweryoga.com/OurCommu...

My face was down on the mat, soaked in sweat from the past 45 minutes of Hot Power

Breathe Your Way Into Right Living: De-charge Emotions and Recharge Energy

This meditation can be learned by most people to reduce stress and literally take the wind out of strong emotional states. Please practice with caution and common sense. With some experience this practice can be applied in many situations. While I don't recommend meditation while driving, I've found that taking a few slow, deep breaths has reduced my stress in traffic as well as other situations where intense feelings have in the past gotten the best of me. The conscious breathing practice below is something that, if practiced at home, can have an effect on our ability to cope in everyday situations. If you have health issues, consult your doctor before trying any new practices.



Background

From a Buddhist perspective, emotions are considered poison and need to be restrained or transcended fully to achieve enlightenment. Ask any monk or nun about their vows and they'll tell you - getting carried away emotionally is a no-no. In 12-Step practice, emotions are based on instincts gone wild and need to be leveled off to maintain sobriety (clean-time). Talk to anyone with several years of sobriety and they'll probably admit that an over abundance of feelings is one of the most challenging aspects of maintaining long-term, happy abstinence. Moreover, modern brain science reveals that developmental trauma can lead to a reduced ability to cope with feelings and stress; additionally, meditation facilitates positive growth in areas of the brain thought to be associated with rational decision making.



Addicts are notorious for making bad, heat-of-the-moment decisions. As a recovering addict with two long stints of recovery (currently 12.5 years), I can state unequivocally that my feelings are generally quite a bit stronger than non-addicts and have a tendency to create difficulties when left unchecked. By controlling the breath, I've learned that it's possible to control my energy and emotions while deepening awareness. Below is a simple method that works for me and people who attend my weekly groups and national workshops. It's based on some practices in Tibetan Buddhism. There's a link at the end of the article if you'd like to know more. Try it and let me know if it works for you or if you've found some similar techniques that might be beneficial to others. I can be reached at the12stepbuddhist.com



Practice - Pause When Agitated With Complete Breathing

One of the most common methods of meditation is to simply watch the breath, without changing anything. The method we're using here though is to use the breath in more of a yoga style. By practicing a little control over my breath, I've learned to get a handle on my emotions much more than almost any other technique. Be careful not to push too hard - don't hyperventilate. If you feel dizzy, stop. It might be best to learn this at home (i.e. laying on a yoga mat with a nice scented candle) before taking it out into worldly situations. As always, listen to your body and do what is best for you.



The Inhale

The in breath is done in three stages. In order to learn this method it's helpful to focus on one area at a time until we feel the breath as a full and complete experience - all the way in, all the way out.



Lower

Breath in to the lower belly, below the navel. I sometimes call this the Homer Simpson stage because we're intentionally creating a pot belly effect. Breathing in, let the belly expand like a balloon. We can separate this part of the practice into small sessions of one to three minutes. Proceed at your own pace and take as much time as you need before progressing. In this way, we learn to put our minds and our breath where we want it. In principle the idea is not so different from learning to hold a pose in yoga or any other coordinated physical activity. The difference here is that we're using it intentionally to create a space of de-charging our emotional or stress state.



Middle

The next phase of this breath meditation is breathing in to the central area of our diaphragm. Anyone who has studied singing will be familiar with the principle. We breathe in to the center of our bodies. When practiced correctly, we can feel our ribs open up on the in breath. On the out breath, we allow our ribcage to fall naturally. Again, we can practice this stage of the breath in short periods, laying down on our backs with our feet flat on the floor or sitting upright.



Upper

Next we breathe in to our upper bodies. We can feel the clavicles raise up, filling our upper lungs. Breathe in, keeping the throat open and relaxed. If you can hear yourself, you're trying too hard. This method is to be done in a relaxed manner. When we feel we're full of air, we can breathe in a little more. We gradually increase the amount of air we take in, which increases the amount of oxygen in the bloodstream and has many beneficial effects.



The Exhale

When we exhale, we allow the process to happen in reverse. That means the air leaves the upper body first, gravity lets the ribs come down to empty the central area and finally the lower part. As we inhaled deeply and completely, we exhale the same way. Sometimes if circumstances allow, we can lean forward a little bit or gently leave our hand out on our lower abdomen to give a very light effort to become totally empty of air. Then we pause a moment and allow ourselves to be empty. When we're ready to begin the next in breath, we start the cycle over by breathing back in to the lower, then the middle and then the upper areas.



Summary

As I mentioned above, you can break this up into sessions for each body area and progress to do them as one complete breath in and out. Feel it out. Try focusing on different areas and use the style that helps you relax. In the beginning, I noticed that my breath tended to be shallow and short, focused mainly on the upper body. With my unchecked breathing style I was more panting than breathing fully. By using the complete breath starting at the bottom and learning to fill each area, I'm now able to really feel a nice, relaxing effect after only one or two breaths.



In short, if I just remember to breathe in all the way, deep and slow, and exhale the stale air completely, pausing in that relaxed state for a moment before grasping for that next hit of air, I feel better. Maybe you will too.



Extra Credit

Try this before firing off that next email, before calling a bill collector or ex-partner or while in a long line at the DMV. Use it in the waiting room of your therapists office, while sitting in a 12-Step meeting or before engaging in a written inventory session. Take a yoga class and ask for breathing instruction. See http://the12stepbuddhist.com for more articles and a recent podcast with author and yoga teacher Darren Main on using the breath and other topics.



For in depth work in breathing through yoga movement, see Yantra Yoga by Chogyal Namkhai Norbu Rinpoche, Snow Lion, 2009. http://snowlionpub.org

Breathe Your Way Into Right Living: De-charge Emotions and Recharge Energy

The conscious breathing practice is something that can have an effect on our ability to cope in everyday situations. If you have health issues, consult your doctor before trying any new practices.

Plug in and De-Charge: How to Avoid the Addict's Disconnection Syndrome

The theme of the month for HuffPost's Living section is Unplug and Recharge. When my editor asked me to write the piece, I assumed that this topic was directed at normies (non-addicts). It may come as no surprise to you if you're an addict or have them in your life, that for addicts in and out of recovery, normal people principles get turned upside down. For the normy, unplugging can be healthy because it's a way to detach safely from the business of everyday life. For the addict this can be disastrous. Below, I'll define how to plug in, rather than unplugging, as a way to feel better and reduce stress for those of us in recovery.



For the second part, recharging, it might be useful to see as well from the addict's perspective. We spend most of our time charged up emotionally, meaning over-the-top, overreacting and under-coping. I will outline some tools for how we can "de-charge" as part of our recovery process. I'll outline some of my favorite and easiest meditations in the next article this month on the Huffington Post.



When Addicts Unplug People SufferAs an active addict (one not in recovery), my main purpose in life was to unplug completely, as in totally disconnect. "From what?" you may ask. We addicts tend to unplug from our feelings, responsibilities, goals and all the people who seem to nag us relentlessly about all of it.



I remember seeing Henry Rollins play at a place called the Bomb Factory in Dallas, in the mid 90s. At that particular moment, I was craving a drink. Real bad. But my girlfriend and my best buddy were both keeping thier laser eyes on me. When I got too close to the bar they intervened, telling the bartender not to sell me alcohol. For me at that time alcohol and drugs were the preferred method of disconnecting my freight train brain from the rest of me. My friends were standing in the way. To an addict, this means the relationship has got to go. This is a very frustrating experience, which causes a real short circuit in our decision making process.



That night Rollins did a song called "Disconnect," where he groaned in guttural agony, "Don't want to think too much, it makes me think too much...I want to disconnect myself." I could relate, as this described perfectly how I'd felt all of my life.







Buddhism says there is no me so who is it that wants to disconnect from whom? As a Zen-tillectual and psychology grad student and formerly sober 12-Step member, these are the thoughts that "I" would torment "myself" with. Fortunately or unfortunately no amount of alcohol could drown out the dialog. And believe me, I tried.



This desire to disconnect might be something that non-addicts experience too to some degree. But for the addict it's really a defining characteristic. So the solutions that I apply in my life, (mainly the teachings in 12-Step and Buddhism) point to the need to forget the self, or at least move beyond self-centered leanings towards service to others.



How Addicts Can Unplug by Plugging In

These days, with 12.5 years of continuous abstinence from mind-altering substances, the brain patterns of that desire to disconnect still play a role in my attitudes and behaviors. But I've learned a little bit more about how and why people, addicts in particular, can feel this desperate need to get away from ourselves. The feeling (or realization) that we're spinning our wheels and achieving nothing causes deep anxiety. We feel trapped. The natural impulse then is to panic and seek a way out. But as we've been saying in the 12-Step rooms for decades, it doesn't matter where you run to, because you'll find yourself there when you arrive. Even Buddhist authors are using our 12-Stepper lines, such as the popular book, "Wherever You Go, There You Are." But if we repeat this cycle of painting ourselves into stressful corners enough times we can build up what recovering people call a "sense of impending doom." This can lead to depression, hopelessness, paranoia -- or back to a drink/fix/pill/gambling, etc.



For many, the easiest way to avoid this kind of "stuck point," as treatment professional Terry Gorski calls it, is to go to a 12-Step meeting. If we are affiliated in the recovering community, it's a great relief just to see the familiar faces, smell the coffee brewing and sit through the familiar meeting format. For those who've never been, this usually involves a few readings from our literature to focus intention, followed by someone sharing their story of addiction and recovery. Then others share in much the same way. It's a great way to reconnect with ourselves by connecting with our spiritual community. There are other ways, but for me this is what works best and is what I recommend to anyone suffering from the addict's disconnection syndrome.



For those who are not affiliated with their 12-Step community for whatever reason (e.g. small town, fundamentalist ideas, too Christian in orientation, odd or unfriendly members, fears--real or imagined) there is a way to increase the sense of connection. I wrote about this in detail in my book, the 12-Step Buddhist. There are also some articles and podcasts available for free on the12stepbuddhist.com.



In short, this is what I recommend. When I go to meetings these days, I like to go early and stay late, enjoying the meeting before the meeting and the meeting after the meeting. The essence of this practice is to connect with others and to get a break from our own "monkey minds" as some Buddhists call it. In my early days of sobriety v2.0 (see the 12-Step Buddhist for the full story) my habits were the exact opposite in that I'd come late, make a fuss and leave early, thereby connecting with no one and returning home in a worse mood than when I'd left. Not the best solution.



In addition to going early and staying late, I also try to offer some service at the meeting, however small or seemingly insignificant that may be. Then there's the old sticking your hand out caper. Try it. It works. Get a few phone numbers or email addresses or social networking contacts on Facebook or a great site like intherooms.com. Then make some contact with those people, just for practice. When you see each other again, you'll be that much more connected.



Join us next time for some down and dirty methods to get de-charged when emotions are high and stress is causing problems.



I'd like to extend a special thanks to the more than 200 people in Florida last weekend who attended my workshops at Tampa and Plantation. Please take a look at

intherooms.com for a great way to connect with people in recovery.

Plug in and De-Charge: How to Avoid the Addict's Disconnection Syndrome

For the normy, unplugging can be healthy because it's a way to detach safely from the business of everyday life. For the addict this can be disastrous. Below, I'll define how to plug in, rather than unplugging, as a way to feel better and reduce stress for those of us in recovery.

The 12-Step Buddhist: The Dalai Lama Is My Higher Power

In Step two of the 12 Steps of recovery, we're asked to Come to Believe that a Power Greater than Ourselves Could Restore Us to Sanity. What 12-Steppers tell you in the beginning is that you can choose your own concept of what that Higher Power is, as long as you choose something. That said, one big criticism of 12-Step programs is that even though they say you can choose your own HP, they really mean God when they say God. The subtext: if you don't believe in God, you're not going to make it. And if you argue about it, you're not willing. And you have to be willing to make it. And if you don't believe now, you'll come around eventually. This leaves some people feeling like they can't do 12-Step recovery.



The book, Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions from AA says, "The minute I stopped arguing, I began to see and feel." We call this "becoming teachable," which is a necessary part of accepting help. But it doesn't mean that we should become some kind of blind-idiot-conformist-follower. That's why I like Buddhism--it's based more on method than blind faith. More on that later. Continuing, "AA's tread innumerable paths in their quest for faith. If you don't care for the one I've suggested, you'll be sure to discover one that suits if only you look and listen. Many a man like you has begun to solve the problem by the method of substitution." So many of us use substitution.



But deep in our hearts we may still feel like we're observers in a community that thinks and feels differently than we do about spirituality. About as comfy with "turn it over to the Universe" as an atheist in church, some people don't believe in any spirituality whatsoever. Others have been traumatized by a puritanical religious upbringing, rife with various forms of religious, emotional and even sexual abuse. Abused kids often become abusive addicts. Brain research shows us that traumatized children are at high risk for addiction--these days sooner than later. Yet the cure, seen through the 12-Step model, seems to be to go back to the problem, namely, trust.



If I was traumatized as a kid and have no ability to trust anyone, let alone a religious body or authority figure due at least in part to that trauma, why the hell would I consider "turning it over" to a Higher Power to treat my addiction? Why indeed. The answer is because we want to end suffering. That suffering can kill us or make us "willing to go to any lengths." But what I found was that going along with the program, renaming their version of God to a friendlier "Universe" or "Divine Love" or "Positive Thinking" didn't keep me sober. In fact, it was part of the reason I needed to drink again after a decade of sobriety. Substitution will only get you so far without some serious dedication to spiritual growth.



Zen Buddhism is non-conceptual, non-dualistic and, at least in the school I came up in, non-scriptural. I sat meditating for years looking into what seemed a black hole. Feelings came up and it made me upset. Committed, I continued to "sit through it," always with the ongoing help of a therapist.



But my relationship to the 12-Step community suffered as I sat in meetings where people professed to know God's will and seemed to be floundering on surfaces of spirituality that I'd delved deep into--years earlier, and found wanting. So the concept of no concept didn't work either. I needed something or someone more concrete to practice trust with. I'd later find that in Tibetan Buddhism, but not without a fight. I won't go into that here as I've covered it in detail in the 12-Step Buddhist. I'd like to suggest that if you don't believe in God, use the perfect role model: His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama (HHDL).



If belief in a God that you can't directly see, touch and feel is difficult, why not use a real living spiritual master? One might say, "Buddhism may be interesting, but who was the Buddha anyways and how would his teachings be applicable to our high-tech modern life?" Although the practice of the Dalai Lama as Higher Power may seem esoteric on its face, no one can argue that HHDL is indeed alive and well and highly regarded on the earth right now. With that consideration, it makes sense.



Bob Thurman outlines the many reasons why the Dalai Lama is an important world leader in his book, Why the Dalai Lama Matters, Atria/Beyond Words 2008. While it's true that His Holiness is an amazing diplomat and peacekeeper, his significance to me as I know it is for Dr. Thurman, is as a spiritual master. I've met Bob Thurman a couple of times and I can tell that he's spent a lot of time with the Dalai Lama. They both have this kind of glow that is unmistakable. In Tibetan Buddhism we call our number one spiritual master (though we can have more than one) our Root Guru, who is the source of all Dharmas (enlightened teachings). What this means is that we literally see the guru (teacher) as Buddha (Awakened One). This view is really a preliminary practice for eventually seeing all beings --even the nasty ones -- as Buddhas and the whole universe as what is called a Pure Land. Through mind training in this way we practice the path whose goal is to end suffering for all living beings. We can't end suffering so long as we see separation due to political, ideological, territorial and other disputes which have at their origin the attachment of ego.



To that end, we can use our root guru as a sort of Pure Vision of perfected enlightenment. Without going into detail on how to find a root guru and the differences between traditional views of this, my advice is that it's a no brainer to use HHDL. His behavior is impeccable -- although he doesn't claim to be perfect. Almost without exception he is considered to be the highest teacher in Tibetan Buddhism by all the schools and all their lamas. My own teacher sees HHDL this way. If it's good enough for him, it's good enough for me.



The Dalai Lama is certainly a power greater than myself politically and spiritually. Tibetan lamas can be very accomplished yogis who are extremely adept at very advanced forms of meditation. Yet there are very few lamas who wouldn't prostrate at the sight of him. Most would cry if he looked their way with his signature benevolent smile that he gives all living beings. Whether one considers him the reincarnation of Avalokiteshvara (Chenrezig in Tibetan), the Bodhisattva of Compassion or not, he is truly one of the most powerful spiritual figures in world history. Could he qualify to be my HP? Good enough!



How can we apply the concept of HHDL as HP to our recovery in Step Two? Simple. In order to "come to believe," or if we simply want to be restored to sanity, we can follow the path of this sane and saintly monk. We can read his books, follow his teaching schedule in person or online, listen to his audio teachings on our iPods. Above all, in any situation we can ask ourselves the obvious question: What would the Dalai Lama do?



To use some ideas from Tibetan Buddhist practice, we can also make prayers for his long life. Here's one:



In the land encircled by snow mountains

You are the source of all happiness and good;

All-powerful Chenrezig, Tenzin Gyatso,

Please remain until samsara ends.



Another practice would be to visualize the Dalai Lama sitting on the top of our heads on a thousand-petal multi colored lotus. He smiles and sends compassionate rays of light down through the middle of our crowns, filling our bodies with healing light. If we want to say the mantra of Chenrezig, OM MANI PADME HUM it can be considered a form of prayer. Although technically mantras of this sort are said to be the actual enlightened speech of enlightened beings and aren't separate from them, or any living being for that matter.



To take it a step further, one can receive tantric initiations of Chenrezig from qualified lineage lamas--even the Dalai Lama himself. Most if not all of these include some form of Guru Yoga practice in which one practices the principles outlined above, but in a deeper and more systematic manner. For more on guru yoga, please see Step 11 from the 12-Step Buddhist for a method directly applicable to recovery. I would refer more serious students to examine for further study the amazing book, "The Union of Bliss and Emptiness: Teachings on the Practice of Guru Yoga," by The Dalai Lama. Below is a prayer of praise and request from this book, which one might use in a guru yoga practice.



Vajradhara, source of all realizations, lord of sages;

Avalokiteshvara, great treasure of compassion of non-apprehension

Manjushri, lord of stainless wisdom;

Lord of the secret, destroying all lords of maras;

Sumatakirti, crown jewel of the sages of the land of snows:

To you, guru-buddha, comprising the three objects of refuge,

I make requests, showing respect with my three doors.

Please grant your blessings to ripen and liberate myself and others;

Please bestow the supreme and common realizations.

--page 122. Snow Lion Publications





Whatever you choose, may your practice bring benefit and relief to all who suffer.



-d