Jason Z. Christie's Blog, page 21

The Nuts and Bolts of Spamming

Okay, call it direct marketing, if that makes you feel better. But there are a number of things you can do in the specific that will make your marketing efforts more effortless.



Mainly by going into battle properly armed.



Do you use KDP a lot? Make a list of your books, and all pertinent information in a text file. This will make filling out twenty forms a lot easier. Yes, you can use a form filling app, and I recommend them, even though I don't use them myself. They can do 80% of the work for you. Use a Firefox one for added security.



Tweet a lot? Make a text file with all of your tweets. That way, all you have to do is change the description each day. Hootsuite is also a, erm, hoot to use. The scheduler will let you set up the entire days tweets in ten minutes. A big time savings, and more importantly, a big savings in efforts.



Hootsuite will also post to both Facebook and Twitter, cutting your work in half, there.



Mailchimp seems to be the writer's best friend of late for sending targeted email. It takes a little while to set up, twenty minutes or so, but that list can become quite valuable. Be sure and include the required footer, something you might miss if you rush through set-up. It's a spamming disclaimer required by law.



So, by spending a few extra minutes making text files, you can save hours per day, giving you more time to pursue reviews and interviews, or maybe even write a bit more.

Createspace Made Easy

Ever spend two days trying to tweak margins in Word to make a paperback on Createspace.com? It turns out you don't have to.



I'm feeling a bit full of myself because I just did seven books in a day. In fact, I spent more time tweaking covers than margins. Add to that the two I did yesterday, and I'm feeling pretty good.



Save your .doc file as a new document, first.



Log onto Createspace and begin the uploading process. You'll need to do this to get your ISBN numbers.



Take the Word .doc and select all. Set the page size. I noticed that if you don't, you'll have inconsistent page sizes, the source of many of the troubles I had early on.



Set the page style to mirrored. Be sure to do this to the entire document, not just the section you're working on. There's a section of the page style dialogue for this.



Add your ISBNs and save it out as a .doc file.



Upload it to Createspace. When the dialogue comes up, just tell it to resize the document. Perfect margins every time.



Set up your cover and you're off to the races. Note: the cover editor is sort of buggy. If it doesn't take the first time, resubmit it.



That's it. It should take less than an hour to get a paperback published with this method.



Have fun,

Jason

More from Ultimate Hustle

Chris Turner sat watching television, blinking intermittently.



"Chris, what are you doing?" Janique asked.



"What?"



"Blinking like that."



"Nothing. Just blinking."



"Chris..."



He sighed. He couldn't put anything past Janique.



"Playing a game."



"A game?"



"In my head."



"In your head?"



"Yes."



"What sort of game?"



"I call it 'Gunshot or Cumshot'."



"Yum. Although I'm not really into gunshots. How do you play?"



"You just imagine shooting someone, or cumming on their face."



"That's it?"



"That's it."



Janique hit the intercom button.



"Brad..."



She explained the concept in brief



"Yeah, I can do that. It'd be about five hundred dollars retail."



"Do it," she said. "I want it in stores for Christmas."





11-7-12

World Without End

"The world will end in 3121."



That was the prediction issued by Deep Thought, aka The God Machine, in response to the query regarding the burning question of when the planet Earth would meet its inevitable demise.



The answer was so pat and succinct, it was shocking in its directness. Still, it gave the denizens of Earth a little over seven hundred years to prepare by terraforming and colonizing Mars. Plenty of time, the Earthlings were assured.



The usual internecine squabbles broke out along the way. Some refused to believe in the infallibility of Deep Thought. Others wanted to stay behind and be destroyed along with the planet.



This led to the development of Boson-Higgs VI, the planet splitter, a bomb capable of cracking the Earth from mantle to core. It seemed like a good idea at the time.



As the final ships from Earth landed on Mars, one of the radical clerics in opposition to Deep Thought detonated the BH VI.



The year?



3121.







Written in ten minutes on 11-6-12 by Jason Z. Christie.

Some of the reasons I love you so very much

587. Your smile.

586. You're the sweetest girl in the world.

585. SUPERSEXY.

584. Random Declarations of Love Via Text.

583. I just love you.

582. Surprises.

581. Yum.

580. The feeling of time travel and destiny.

579. A peaceful, easy feeling.

578. Niceness.

577. Notes. Lots of 'em.

576. You inspire me.

575. Devotion.

574. Superlove.

573. You love me.

572. You're coming back.

571. You're going to marry me.

570. You make me crazy.

569. You make me happy.

568. You make me feel better.

567. I have always loved you.

566. The way you hold a baby.

565. The way you miss me.

564. You love me despite my flaws.

563. You care about my old family.

562. Rushing home because I miss you.

561. You made me a writer.

560. You're understanding.

559. All mine, forever.

558. You're stellar.

557. You're perfect.

556. And you don't even know it.

555. Ice cream shop.

554. We have the rest of our lives.

553. Inner beauty > outer beauty.

552. Outer beauty = wow.

551. Sweeter than sugar, without all the saccharine.

550. You're still here.

549. Wearing my dreadlocks as I drive my motorcycle into the pool.

548. Permanent marker.

547. Relentlessly, sincerely sweet.

546. My eastern star.

545. I love you, forever.

544. You waited for me.

543. We were friends long before Facebook.

542. You stay even though you don't want to.



541. 0,0,0 =



428. You moved your kids closer for their own good.

427. Cry.

426. Plead.

425. You make me beg.

424. Coupla yuppies...

423. Single female lawyer who married frozen caveman lawyer.

422. You're my best friend.



380. Who made whom?



14. She said, "Once, in LaGrange..."

13. You rhyme with month - orange.

12. Spending time with you.

11. She said.

10. By zero?



08. Member of the Luxurious Flowing Hair Club for Scientists.

07. You are a love scientist.

05. Cruelest dominatrix in the universe.

04. Please don't leave me.

03. Please don't go.

02. I'm sorry.

01. I love you.

     a) I have always loved you.

     b) I will always love you.

Cartoon #1 - John D. Christie, III

All of these cartoons were done when my brother was nine or so.

Sunshine of Your Love

Let me be the one who serves you

And holds you in my arms at night

Let me help to ease your burden

Eagerly and without a fight

Let me share in all your love

My every day is a dream

Let me stay and show you

Exactly what I mean

It's always darkest before the dawn

Until your light returns

Hotter than one thousand suns

My love for you doth burn

Egoless

Pride goeth before a fall

And I'm falling still

I ran until I reached a wall

Before I got my fill

Now I find myself alone

Miserable with pain

I pray the wizard fix me up

If I only had a brain




I'm a whore

But even whores can change

Only You

I look at the moon

And I see your face

Every woman's embrace

Leaves me cold to the touch

So much I regret

And am powerless to change

If only I had known then

New days dawn

And we cannot resist the tides

I am helpless in your wake

There is no greater hope

Than the power to make things right

Fairy Tale

 


Artwork borrowed from Greg De Stefano




Once upon a time

There were two perfect girls

In a decidedly imperfect world

They helped an old man learn

How to love

Something other than himself

But now

In his twilight

He realizes

Children cannot substitute

For a perfect, loving wife