Anna DeStefano's Blog, page 33

How We Write Wednesdays: The ONLY WAY to Draft Your Novel

As promised, today's the start of our all-in, sure-fired, do it THIS WAY month of novel drafting instruction. Because if you don't do it THIS way, you'll fail. What what? YOUR WAY.

Huh?

Yeah, this month's blog courses won't be any more straight-forward than the last three (which are summarized at the bottom of the post). Jenni's starting today with a great discussion of her drafting method. So NOT my method, because she's still all about spreadsheeting and outlining when she draft writes, and geeky me can't let myself go there while in this "in-between" creative place.

In between planning and rewriting, I have to stop thinking. No, I don't actually turn my brain off. But I do have to tone down the analytical volume of my cognitive thinking, so that juicy imagination takes over. I've tried it Jenni's way. And, I know you'll find this hard to believe, her very structured way of drafting doesn't work for me. Spreadsheets and outlines are like crack for a mind like mine. I'd be hitting that pipe all day long, while  never giving free rein to those characters and settings and turning points I planned for.  The creativity that comes second to my nature, behind the drive to understand EVERYTHING before I write anything, would never take the wheel.

Jenni and I aren't polar opposites in our process. We share many of the same drafting techniques–and I'll get to them next week when it's my turn. BUT, we each have our own individual method. No matter how many times we talk and compare notes and critique for each other, we're never tempted to trade in our individual approaches to writing story for the other's. Because doing exactly what she does would stall my creativity, and vice versa. We have to understand and trust our own writing strengths and weaknesses and own the drafting approach that gets us to the end of that "ugly" first draft with the best story we've ever written.

And so do you.

The only GUARANTEED method of drafting success is your method. Your way. And no one can tell you what that is. You have to earn that knowledge on your own.

No cheat sheet. No quick and easy answers. No advancing to go without fighting your way through the drafting fire until you're ready to collect your $200. Drafting is an individual battle. It's your creative mind taking over, and your inspiration and imagination and view of the world will never be mine. Or Jenni's. Or the next writing coach you listen to.

As I've said countless times, anyone who tells you there's an easy, no-hassle method for doing any part of this writing gig, is selling you a line of BS. The only secretI can give you is to listen to all the constructive advice you can find, apply what might be a good fit, refine techniques as you discover what does and doesn't work for you, and come up with your own method. How you plan and rewrite and draft…

Today, enjoy learning more about Jenni's way. Dive back in here next Wednesday, and I'll share more about how hopeless I felt drafting until I challenged myself to study and improve my own process. Then the rest of May will be about drilling deeper into some key facets of the creative process that must rule when your story is in between your planning and rewriting.

Until then, enjoy some review on us!

Revision:

Rewriting and Planning: The Bookends of Drafting
Discoverying What You Don't Know
The Novel Makeover
The No More Excuses Approach to Rewriting
Ouch–Critique and Editorial Revsions Hurt
Stream of Conscious Revisions
The Real Work Begins

Plot:

Even the Best Characters Need a Plot
 Plot THIS…
No Conflict, No Story
External Conflict: Lock and Load
Failing and Fixing
Plotting best selling novels

Character:

Mining for motivation
Layering motivation into plot
The Character Chart
Making characters realistic YOUR way
Character is just the beginning

International Thriller Writers LOVED Secret Legacy

The ITW Big Chill May newsletter is out, and Secret Legacy received a rave!

Austin Camacho says, "If you're up for a horrifying mental nightmare of psychological suspense that's like nothing else on your shelves, this is the book you've been waiting for," while he talks about Book 2 in my Legacy series and my venturing into sci-fi/fantasy and even more genre breaking than ever before. I got to go more in depth about my characters and the metaphysics and parapsychology behind the spookiness I had so much fun creating.

Here's the article .

Here's the link to Secret Legacy on Amazon .

Here's the FREE Amazon eBook of Dark Legacy .

It's also free on B&N and Borders and others sites, so whatever digital reader you have, snag yourself the first book in the series.

Then when you get to the cliff hanger ending…you know what to do ;o)

The Psychic Realm: The Temple Twins' Gifts REVEALED

Since Secret Legacy's out today (Yay!) and Dark Legacy's a FREE EBOOK ALL WEEK, let's get down and dirty about what makes this Psychic Fantasy series so different from other thrillers you've read. Yes, you'll experience more of the dream theory you loved in Inception. But more than that, my psychic twins are being hunted and haunted by and eventually must stand and fight against covert government scientists who're determined to turn their family's Legacy of gifts into a direct-strike psychic weapon. How? Well, that's the really cool part!

Long before Inception hit theaters, I turned my life-long fasciantion with dreams and the very real possiblity that lucid dreaming can be a learned technique into the beginning of a series of mainstream novels built around psychic talents. Of course I'll write about other gifts, but the first two Legacy books were destined to spook me and everyone who read them about the potential and power of dreams.

What if dreams could be harnessed and programmed and ultimately harvested, triggered at exact moment in which they could do the most harm? What if psychics could train us through our dreams, unbeknownst to our conscious minds, to behave in uncharacteristic ways in our waking lives? What if, once that training was triggered in say a daydream state, there was nothing we could do to stop ourselves from carrying out our programming?

How exactly are the Temple Twins' minds and psychic talents being manipulated to accomplish this? In case you haven't had the chance to read Dark Legacy yet, let me catch you up:

Sarah and Maddie Temple are powerful empaths.
More than merely feeling others' emotions, they can take on all the emotions of that person, to the point of taking over the person's subconscious and through it their reactions/actions to the world around them. As their powers have grown over the years, they've unknowingly developed the ability to project emotion and associated behavior/perception as well as receive it.
Pair that with advanced training in mind and body modeling using lucid dreaming techniques, and you've got a psychic who can design, embed, and target dream realities (which aren't remembered by the "host" mind once it wakes) that prepare the dreamer to perform waking tasks when triggered.
The vehicle for all this are 1) the emotions that the twins' minds manipulate so easily, emotion being the strongest link between our waking and sleeping realities, and 2) the collective unconsciousness, a realm we all share where waking and sleeping realities are one and all individual experiences are open to others to learn/draw from.
So, if you have a mind powerful enough to master lucid and shared dreaming techniques, and gifted enough to enter and exit the collective unconscious at will…your weapon could program anyone's waking behavior by accessing and training the person's sleeping reality to prepare them to act when triggered. Anyone. Anywhere. Anytime. And the dreamer would have no conscious awareness of what they're about to do until they act, and no control over the action no matter how out of character their programming might be.

The tag line for the series when I pitched it to my publisher?

Your next day dream could be your worst nightmare…

Bwhahahahaha… ;o)

Of course there's more to the science behind my world building and the twins' Legacy and their complicated bond. A lot of which I cover in my Psychic Realm and Dream Theories series. For now, someone emailed asking for a run down of exactly what I mean by Psychic Thriller. So, there you go!

I hope you you enjoy the ride ;o)

I Hear the Craziest Things: Highschool Teacher Gone Wild

This just in. A high school teacher gone rouge–publishng erotica, in a thinly-veiled plot to warp young minds…

Here's the link to the story. Read it. Keep your children close. Don't let them go to public school, because look who's lying in wait…

Yeah, I'm a little steamed.This started as a Facebook rant, but I'm moving it over here. Because, really! Really, America?

OMG!

And if this woman was an ordained minister in her spare time? Would her students be in danger of her getting her "religious" juice all over them? What if she were a practicing Muslim? Would that mean students were being potentially brainwashed by an Islamic extremist? If she baked sweets all weekend, is her class more susceptible to diabetes or bad cholesterol, simply because she moves among them by day disguised a "normal" person while she conspired to suck your children into her dastardly do?

And before I get an backlash, I'm INTENTIONALLY using totally no-related occupations, particularly the religious ones.

This woman can't be fired because of her faith, but she can be harassed because she wrote books for a living and did such a GOOD job of not letting her other life affect her students. THAT means she's hiding her "shameful" self away, which of course means she's preparing to warp young minds to be just as degenerate as hers is.

You know, because she's a woman, freely executing her rights to write about women's fantasies. And Lord knows we can't have that. Certainly not from someone who teaches our children. Those kids might actually begin to think they're entitled to freedom of expression as well. And who knows where our country would be if our youth began to write independently instead of however we think they need to, to pass their next standardized test.

FB friend Author Elaine send me to this Team Judy YouTube video of a former student speaking up for his teacher.

Word!

Okay, rant done. At least online.

Except to say to the mom who first reported her… Me thinks you sound like a woman who could use a bubble bath and a good erotic novel or two.

I Heare the Craziest Things: Highschool Teacher Gone Wild

This just in. A high school teacher gone rouge–publishng erotica, in a thinly-veiled plot to warp young minds…

Here's the link to the story. Read it. Keep your children close. Don't let them go to public school, because look who's lying in wait…

Yeah, I'm a little steamed.This started as a Facebook rant, but I'm moving it over here. Because, really! Really, America?

OMG!

And if this woman was an ordained minister in her spare time? Would her students be in danger of her getting her "religious" juice all over them? What if she were a practicing Muslim? Would that mean students were being potentially brainwashed by an Islamic extremist? If she baked sweets all weekend, is her class more susceptible to diabetes or bad cholesterol, simply because she moves among them by day disguised a "normal" person while she conspired to suck your children into her dastardly do?

And before I get an backlash, I'm INTENTIONALLY using totally no-related occupations, particularly the religious ones.

This woman can't be fired because of her faith, but she can be harassed because she wrote books for a living and did such a GOOD job of not letting her other life affect her students. THAT means she's hiding her "shameful" self away, which of course means she's preparing to warp young minds to be just as degenerate as hers is.

You know, because she's a woman, freely executing her rights to write about women's fantasies. And Lord knows we can't have that. Certainly not from someone who teaches our children. Those kids might actually begin to think they're entitled to freedom of expression as well. And who knows where our country would be if our youth began to write independently instead of however we think they need to, to pass their next standardized test.

FB friend Author Elaine send me to this Team Judy YouTube video of a former student speaking up for his teacher.

Word!

Okay, rant done. At least online.

Except to say to the mom who first reported her… Me thinks you sound like a woman who could use a bubble bath and a good erotic novel or two.

Secret Legacy: Excerpt, Book Club/Reader Guide, Giveaways, Appearances

Secret Legacyis finally here! I can honestly say that no other book has captured so much of my fascination and imagination. Those of who who've been following the blog for a while know this truely has become the book of my heart in so many meaningful ways.

Check out all the cool stuff that's happening. Help me celebrate! There's something for everyone.

*********************

Dark Legacy, Book 1 in the Legacy series, is a FREE EBOOK May 2nd – May 9th. Grab your copy of the digital download so you can begin the psychic fantasy journey from the very beginning, at Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Borders and Diesel Books. Then look for the .99 cent promotion from May 9th – May 23rd, and the $2.99 promotion from May 23rd-June  6th.

April 17th, Secret Legacy's a FREE FRIDAY DOWNLOAD at Barnes and Noble's Unbound blog.

Read a Secret Legacy Excerpt, Reader and Bookclub Guide, and Reviews .

Enjoy my Legacy Series Interivew and Secret Legacy book trailer.

My Night Owl SciFi Interview tells you even more about the series.

Leave a comment in  these contests for your chance to free Secret Legacy downloads and signed copies of Dark Legacy.

Follow the Blog Tour, for more great info and chances to win:

May 2nd, Dreams and Speculation
May 5th, Scifi Guy
May 11th, Petit Fours and Hot Tameles
May 12th, The Writing Playground
May 20th, Authors and Apetisers 
May 23rd, Fresh Fiction
June 7th, Romance Bandits

Look for more interviews and articles, like Secret Legacy's feature at International Thriller Writers.

Read weekly Dream Theory and Psychic Realm updates here on the blog, to go deeper into the Legacy Series' worldbuilding.

Look for my ITW Thriller Roundtable  appearances, discussing:

May 30th-June 5th Is fact really stranger than fiction? How do you weave the two to make a really compelling story?
June 6th-12th How would you characterize your literary voice? How did you develop it?

COOL! Author Interview and Cover Story

Sheila English and her staff at Circle of Seven Productions have outdone themselves. Enjoy!

And don't forget Secret Legacy is out May 2nd, while Dark Legacy's a FREE eBook practically everywhere from May 2nd to the 9th!

How We Write Wednesdays: Rewriting and Planning–Bookends for Drafting

I'm wrapping up revisions today and making plans for May's Drafting HoWW lessons. Yes, Jenni and I taught planning first, then rewriting, and next we'll do drafting. Messed up?  No. Why? Because your plans and your faith in your ability to deconstruct and rework a novel are the bookends of your process–mastering these first two techniques frees you to draft without constraints.

Think about it. Once you plan as carefully as time and tolerance allows, you have a game plan. If you've invested in your process enough to be confident in your skills as a rewriter–of anything, no matter what you come up with–then there will be no anxiety waiting for you at the other end of your drafting. So what's to stop you from writing free, using your plotting work as a guideline?

I teach students at my workshops and weekend retreats that how we approach our writing is a metaphor for how we approach life. Everyone's blocked by something. Everyone fears something.That something in your writing life, if you look close enough at it, will resemble something significant that you struggle with in your "real" world. If that core fear happens to be, as it does with me, not being in control, then drafting won't be your happy writing place.

When we draft, we write blind, no matter how much planning we've done. We can't know for sure where we're going, and we have to be okay with that. Dealing with our story's unclear destination can be difficult. Panic is a common outcome for many of us.

And panic does NOT inspire  optimum drafting creativity. Panic is the true villian to an inspired original idea, brilliant characters, and a talented-yet-neurotic writer ;o). Panic can draft writer cold and sends us back to what seems most familiar–more planning;  rewriting too soon (another form of planning); a beautifully rendered beginning with no progress to speak of toward that dreaded, unknown ending…

So, Jenni and I have taught the bookends of creativity so far in HoWW, either of which might be what you most fear. Next, we're going to focus on how to creatively thrive on a deadline,within the constraints of genre, and with the expectation that you're going to have to rework every bit of what you're doing (more than likely more than once). Because them's the breaks in the big leagues.

Published or not, this is your job. Success doesn't hing solely on creativity, or analytical ability or editing prowess.Success is all about your ability to tell a good story, and your determination to do whatever it takes to make that story the very best you can. So, still no 10-step quick tips here. No guaranteed "how to snag an editor's attention." We're not going to promise a throng of loyal fans if you follow a few simple rules.

What we will continue to do at How We Write Wednesdays , through May with our draft writing posts and beyond, is encourage you to dig deeper and learn how YOU do what you do, and then how to do that better.

Come back next week for Jenni's opening draft-writing wisdom. Look over the last couple of months if you need a little inspiration (or a kick in the pants) in the mean time ;o)

I'm off to be lazy and finish prepping for my May 2nd Secret Legacy release (squeeee!).

Revision:

 The Real Work Begins
Stream of Conscious Revisions
Ouch–Critique and Editorial Revsions Hurt
The No More Excuses Approach to Rewriting
The Novel Makeover
Discoverying What You Don't Know

Plot:

Even the Best Characters Need a Plot
 Plot THIS…
No Conflict, No Story
External Conflict: Lock and Load
Failing and Fixing
Plotting best selling novels

Character:

Mining for motivation
Layering motivation into plot
The Character Chart
Making characters realistic YOUR way
Character is just the beginning

The Psychic Realm: Waking Emotions Feed Dreaming Realities

Our minds deal with powerful emotions as we dream. Or is it that our lives play out the realities our dreams feed? And is all of this just "every day speak" for a psychic connection we don't consciously accept?

Think about it, if you accept my premise–which is supported many dream scientists and those who immerse themselves daily in the fringe science and parapsychology that my Legacy series is based on. Just like Sarah in Secret Legacy (well, not just  like her, because we're not full-on, sometimes psychotic psychics so powerful we're seen as a threat to national security ;o), when our  minds are in turmoil, they respond by trying to relieve the pressure of that turbulent state. How do they do that without interrupting the day-to-day living that keeps us going? Dreams.

When negative emotions and moods surge, our dreams are an outlet we should embrace. Subconsciously at first, until you master some of the lucid dreaming techniques we've discussed, your dreams allow you to surrender to what you fear or resist in the everyday. They give you a stage on which to work through conflict, and they equip you with the tools you need face a looming crisis in your waking life.

It's a type of roll playing that's more intellectual than psychic. Well, okay, it, takes on a sinister roll for Sarah Temple in Secret Legacy, when her gifts grow so powerful she and those she loves and the little girl she's searching for could actually die as the result of the toxic dreams government scientists are inflicting on her mind. But for us, not so much. For us, it's how many scientists are beginning to believe our psychological minds work.

So, relax when you realize you're having emotional, vivid dreams that are challenging and slightly scary.They're actually good for you, dream scientists tell us. They're helping you cope and prepare and process some "real world" somthing that's making you feel all kinds of things that are slipping through to your sleeping mind.

These vivid reflections of our subconscious fears and anxieties and passions are not our whole selves. They're not our realities. They are things we need to face and work through, but they don't directly (psychically)  drive our behavior as they do the characters in my fantasy series. But they can help us gain more conscious insight into the dynamics and relationships challenging our lives.

Powerful dreams, even scary ones, are your friends. They're mirrors of your deepest desires and concerns and fears. They're messages, telling you something your waking mind just might be resisting. Think of them as a map to hidden treasure. To your truth. To your strength and self-confidence. To your peace once disturbing or simply strong emotions that you're not facing are dealt with. To harmony, once your mind finds a balance between what you fear and what you dare to conquer.

I hear people say nearly every day, now that I talk so much about the world building research I'm doing for my Legacy books–"I'm afraid of looking too closely at my dreams. Of what I'll see."

Don't do that.

Don't fear the strength of your sleeping mind.

There are countless online links to places that will help you with dream interpretation. I won't repeat what's already there. But I will encourage you to understand as much as possible about what you dream. To learn how to see your subconscious emotions more clearly through the creativity and honesty that waits for you as you sleep.

In the end, behind the fun and fantastic psychic world building I've done, that's the scientific premise behind Secret Legacy and Dark Legacy. See your self. See your world. See your past, so you can move into your future. See the power within you, waiting to propel you away from fear and self-doubt and into an amazing new journey ;o)

I'm here every week, posting Psychic Realm and Dream Theory topics, talking about trusting the emotions flowing between dreams and waking reality, and our minds' ability to harness the power of things we can't consciously grasp to make the world around us better.

I hope you'll join me!

Revising A Year: The Great Heist of Easter, 2011

"I'll keep the phone with me, in case the police call," my mom said Easter morning as my husband and I headed out around 7 a.m.

We were counting on early morning quiet and holiday revelry to cloak our nefarious activities. My mother, skeptic and naysayer that she is, had nevertheless provided the tools required for our daring do. And while she wasn't exactly going to wait at the curb in a getaway car with the motor running, she had our backs. Or at least she had the cash for our bond. Good woman.

My grandmother's house, you see, was torn down two weeks ago. My grandfather built it for her as a wedding present. Until about ten years ago, my grandfather and grandmother and our family had been the only people to live there. Then my grandmother, by that time a widow for over a decade, needed the peace of mind and available medical assistance of a retirement community. So the family embarked on the long goodbye of helping her pack and take what she could of half a century of living to her lovely new apartment, and the house was sold. And that was hard. But I loved her and was glad letting the place go gave her the means to enjoy the last six years of her life secure and independent, without the hassles and anxiety of property ownership that she could no longer handle.

Which didn't mean it any easier, passing our family home all these years and watching it and what was once a magnificent, three-tiered, immaculately-groomed (by my grandparents, thank you very much) yard fall into ruin and disrepair. The new owners were renting the place out to whomever would do it the most harm, it seemed, until they could afford to tear the three-story home down and build something modern and "smancy" in its place. You know, in one of the oldest, most historic neighborhoods in town. What else is there to do, when ancient brick and plaster and glass and duct work won't support all the modern conveniences you have to have to get by?

Not that I'm bitter.

But I digress.

I said farewell to the house a little over a year ago. In fact, it's sat empty and for sale most of the last two years. I'm not entirely sure if the original buyers are the owners that had the place raised. Or if it did in fact finally sell to someone new. Suffice it say though that a year ago, during my last visit to the property, the paint was peeling and the trim crumbling and the doors warping to the point that the outside basement door that opened inward to what was once my grandfather's work room in the basement couldn't even close properly and lock. It was a shock when it opened at my slightest touch. Then it was an invitation.

I decided on that hot summer day to one last time take a tour of this place that no longer belonged to anyone I knew.Yeah. Not smart. But it was clearly deserted and I couldn't help myself. There'd been too much rush and hurry when my grandmother moved, and I'd had a younger child at home then and little time to hang back and spend grieving properly. So, yeah, a year after my grandmother's death I walked into the abandoned, dilapidated ruin of some of my best childhood memories and felt myself grow colder and colder with each new room I entered.

There was grafiti on the walls. Both panoramic screened porches–one on the second floor that I'd slept on countless nights as a little girl on this amazing swing that went on for miles and was piled high with fluffy pillows–were in tatters and literally falling off the house. Hardwood floors gouged out in places. Beautiful, original-to-the-home tile work in the bathrooms shattered. And worst of all, all the sounds were the same (of the doors opening and closing and the echoes of my footsteps down her long hallway) but the smells and feels and warmth of it all was gone. My grandmother was gone. Everything that she'd worked so hard to make beautiful and loving and welcoming for me and my family there. Gone. It was a slap in the face. A wake up. So clearly time to let go. And I did, thinking there'd never be a reason to come back. There was nothing left of my "Grand" to know there.

Except…This last Saturday my husband and I walked down to the building site where the foundation for the new house is going in. We stood at the curb looking over the huge lot, down the hill, trying to see what was left if anything that looked familiar.

And there, off to the side! My mother had been wrong. They hadn't ripped up all the camellia bushes.

They're trees, actually. Camellias thrive where my grandmother lived, these bushes that bloom rose-like flowers twice a year, including early winter. And my grandmother babied her camellias like she did everything and everyone else she cared for. And her bushes, some of them thirty and forty years old by the time she moved away, grew to be two-stories tall and at one time took up half of the side yard beyond her carport. My mom had thought they were all gone. But we could see one remained, left as part of the gangly mess of border plants separating the builder's work space from the neighbor's property.

And below on the second tier of the yard, where my grandmother's flower garden once thrived, I could see something else my mom hadn't. Blooms twisting and turning around one of the few oaks that hadn't been dug up. An oak tree that had always been there, in my recollection. A rose bush that family stories say my grandmother brought with her when she and my grandfather moved in–from a cutting she took out of her own mother's yard.

"What if…" I said to my husband. My soon-to-be partner in crime.All these years, I'd never thought to do it. It had never occured to me. And now that it's almost all gone. Now, I think I just might be able to keep one more piece of my grandmother's world alive? "Would anyone really mind?"

I was so excited and trying not to cry with the hope of it. He was hugging me close and understanding. And in his eyes and the tight nod he gave me I saw that we were really going to do it.

So off we went the next morning, pre-dawn delinquents casually strolling up a tree-lined street with shovel and buckets in hand, on a mission.A likely hopeless mission, even if we found what we were looking for and liberated our ill-gotten booty without being carted off to the poky. Because, unlike my grandmother, I can't baby and nurture anything with honest-to-God roots into staying alive. Not if my life depended on it. But that didn't stop us, because I'd caught a whisper calling to me on top of that hill the night before, while I stood at the curb searching for a glimmer of a past that should have been dead and buried. We were going back to dig for more. To listen. To feel that connection I still couldn't believe was so completely gone.

Legal? No. Even though we only wanted clippings and had no intention of damaging anything the new owners might want to do with the dregs of my grandmother's prized flowers.

Were we going to rethink our plans and give into my mother's warnings that it wasn't a good idea? I'd kept looking over at my husband the night before as she'd tried to talk me out of it. And each time his response had been the same. Another tight nod. 

This was too important a last chance to pass up.

He did the hard work, digging up a camellia seedling from that massive root system. We had to crawl into the overgrown thicket these bushes create when left to go wild. The massive tree-like trunks loomed over us. We were surrounded by limbs and leaves and suddenly the smell of working outside with my grandmother on other cool mornings just that this one. And just that easily. That quietly. She was there.

The house might have been lost, but my Grand had been right there, thriving, all along.

It took several tries before we found an off-shoot we could dig away from the others. While my husband finished things up (as the neighborhood started to awaken around us and shorten the time we had left), I sliped quickly down the side of the building site and to second tier where the basement of the house should have been. And there, in the dappled morning sunlight shining through the oak's limbs, was the last of my grandmother's beautiful roses.

Old roses. The straggling remnants of a bush that my Grand had cut with such care, from another old vine that had likely been part of roses that had been thriving over half a century before I was born.

I'd promised myself not to take anything that would be missed. Not to damage whatever the new owners might want to keep, if they even saw the roses at all as they envisioned their new home. What if that wasn't possible now? What would I do?

But I hadn't needed to worry. I should have known. My grandmother was there, too.

Right beside the main blooming vine, smaller and its flowers already done for the season, was a tiny offshoot. Large enough to replant. A root system all its own. Separate enough that we didn't have to disturb the other. Perfect. Waiting for me to discover it. Reminding me of all the mornings my Grand had gotten up early to water her garden and prune her roses before the heat of the day, and make sure they had what they needed to bloom and live through another year and then another, growing stronger and hardier.

No one's cared for them in years. Whatever's still there is growing wild. Fighting on its own. Biding its time until someone came back to remember and steal it away to its next adventure.

As we walked home to my mother's with our two containers of stolen memories, my husband nodded again and I found myself smiling through the tears I could no longer fight. Because the night before, I'd almost talked myself out of going. Because of all the things I have that once were my grandmothers, digging up those precious seedlings were the closest I'd felt to my Grand since she died. Dirt and a few stems and leaves and a lifetime of memories, and they were reclaimed. Ours for as long as we could keep them alive.

Her memories. Her life. Not forgotten. Not torn down. Not gone. And now, a growing part of mine.