Bo Fowler's Blog, page 26

Holy Mother of God

The Virgin Mary came to her son's parents' evening but spent most of the time on the phone arguing with her social worker.

My Woody Allen Story

One day I saw Woody Allen wearing a beard. 

I'd like to tell you more but I've been refused permission from Woody Allen's legal representatives to include him in a story (beard or no beard).

The Bath

One day a person (as yet unidentified, as yet unborn) will have a bath and when they have finished they will remove the plug and when the water has disappeared down the plug hole the plug hole itself will stretch dali's watch like and spiral inexorably into the hole within itself and behind it, like dew beads on a spider's web, like premises in a syllogism, will follow each and every perfect piece of existence.  

Deja vu

'Aachoo!'
'Bless you.'


'Aachoo!'
'Bless you.'

Deja vu

'Aachoo!'
'Bless you.'


'Aachoo!'
'Bless you.'

Dr Pepper the People Person

Dr Pepper was a neuro surgeon at John Hopkins Bayview Medical Center in Baltimore, Maryland one of the oldest health care institutions on the East Coast.

There was a soft drinks vending machine in one corner of Dr Pepper's office and a sign over his desk that read:


 'It's not rocket science  it's brain surgery!'

Dr Pepper would spend most of his day in his office explaining very carefully to his patients that they needed brain surgery in order to remove this or that tumour. 

When he had finished explaining as carefully as possible why surgery was necessary he would stand up, say "What's the worst that can happen?" and then hand his patient a soft drink before showing them the door.

Romantic Financial Transaction

The charity bookshop sales assistant was so incredibly beautiful I would drop the book I was pretending to read whenever she looked in my general direction.

She was so beautiful you had to almost laugh -  as if God was playing some kind of practical joke.

When I had built up enough courage to go near her I took my collection of pretentious books and headed over to her till. 

She looked even more beautiful up close then she did from across the store.

As she added up my bill she commented intelligently on the books I had chosen; what did I think of Brecht's acting methods? should Nietzsche be regarded as the father of the unconscious in place of Freud? what was the cause of the breakdown of of The Liberal Alliance in 1885?

I mumbled incoherently to each of her questions and presented my sweaty credit card.

Our fingers touched briefly as she handed me the pin code reader.
Shaking I put my card in the slot but there was a problem the card hadn't been read.

'Take it out and put it in again' she suggested.

I did as requested then typed my pin code in what I hoped was a-devil-may-care manner.

Romantic music began to play on the charity shops radio as my card details were checked. 

There I was face to face with a beautiful woman as modern capitalism did it's thing.

We smiled at each other within our electronically induced silent moment. Neither of us knew what to do or where to look but it didn't in the slightest way feel awkward. This is the most romantic financial transactions of my life I suddenly realised and wanted to share this revelation with her. Just as I was about to there was a beep and the sales assistant, who was so beautiful it was some kind of a joke, informed me that my card had been rejected.

I paid with cash and left.

Deaf Mad Florist

Tragically mishearing the voice in his head the man cut his girlfriends' heads off, wrapped them in some nice paper and gave them to a daffodil.

Cut and Curl

Miss Bagaboo's hair salon became all the rage among her old age customers due to her shimmering, strangely translucent hairdos. 

Wearing a Miss Bagaboo hairdo was soon de rigueur at the bingo on friday nights.

The old dears thought Miss Bagaboo's hairdos were the result of fancy hair products and wonder chemicals.

Miss Bagaboo's hairdos were in fact the various appendages of a fifth dimensional being that dissected our three dimensional world at a number of points simultaneously. (Exactly what the old dears would have made of this is anyone's guess.)

Reality

Reality is one big thing.