Hilton Hamann's Blog, page 2
August 24, 2015
Micro Fiction: Vasectomy
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August 21, 2015
August 20, 2015
How to make your stories memorable
As English author, Philip Pullman, wrote: “After nourishment, shelter and companionship, stories are the thing we need most in the world.”
From the moment humans made sense of their primitive grunts, they told stories, to entertain, educate and communicate.
Our lives are filled with stories, which is why people in the US spend an average of 444 minutes (7.4 hours) every day, looking at screens. A study by Mary Meeker, Morgan Stanley internet analyst and current partner at Kleiner Perkins Caufield Byers, broke that number down to: 147 minutes spent watching TV, 103 minutes in front of a computer, 151 minutes on a smartphones and 43 minutes with a tablet.
And the US only places sixth on the screen-time list! In Indonesia, people spend nine hours a day on their computers, TVs, laptops and smartphones.
While some of that time involves non-story activities, working on spreadsheets or databases etc., the fact remains, the world wants good stories.
Good news and Bad news
That is the good news.
The bad news is, there are more stories out there now than ever before and the competition for eyeballs, as well as the din of the clutter is overwhelming.
Today it is easier than ever to fling your story to the world. Want to publish a book? No problem, you can do so for free in digital format with Amazon and Smashwords. Old-style paper publishing? Again free if you use Create Space and Lulu - they'll print and deliver directly to your readers and pay you a cut.
It is an exciting time to be a writer. It is also a difficult time. The democratization of publishing has opened the doors to all and, as a result, there is an enormous amount of literary detritus on offer that previously was filtered by traditional publishing houses and never saw the light of day.
Now, readers 'pays their money and takes their chances' and filtering comes in the form of reader-reviews. Negative reviews can destroy months of hard work and stories that aren't memorable, will get negative reviews!
So how can you make your stories memorable?
According to Udemy, the leading marketplace for online education, there are 13 Great Storytelling Techniques To Make Your Stories Memorable :
1. Show it
Great and influential stories do not “tell”, they “show”.
2. Length mattersStories can be really short or as long as a book but your long story ceases to be a story the moment it becomes boring.
3. Likable characterCharacters can be and should be flawed because this is what makes them real. Your character also needs to be likeable because you want your audience to be pulling for them to succeed.
4. There should be a plotA plot serves as the guiding force in your story. It helps ensure there is a beginning, middle, and end, and all of the fun stuff in between.
5. Foreshadowing
Nothing is more exciting to a listener or reader than realizing that the storyteller or author is revealing clues throughout the story.
6. Keep the dialogue real
A good way to check and see if your dialogue sounds good is to read it aloud.
7. Conflict
Will the main character succeed? How will the conflict be resolved? This is the reason your audience will stay engaged.
8. Use a model
There are many common narratives most stories follow. These include the hero’s journey, the coming of age tale, and an anecdote. Try taking a common narrative and applying it to your own story.
9. Add a personal touch
If you are creating a story to entertain, draw on your own life experiences to add to the story as this will make your story feel more authentic.
10. Point of View
If you find your story lacking, try changing your point of view. Third person point of views tend to be the most common. Try telling your story from a first person point of view.
11. Start with a bang!
Get your audience involved right away by starting your story with a bang.
12. Know what you are trying to convey
What is the purpose of this story? Is it to entertain? To relay a message? To teach a lesson?
13. The delivery
The final delivery method matters. You might have to change your story up a bit to ensure it is being told in the most beneficial manner.
August 19, 2015
August 18, 2015
Is flatulence ruining your love life?
Throughout history there have been some discoveries and inventions that have truly changed our lives.Fire, the wheel, the printing press, the steam engine, the telephone and internet spring to mind.
But now there is something even more profound and earth shattering.
It has come about because there is a problem in the marriage bed that no-one wants to talk about. It is a problem that is sometimes silent but almost always, deadly. But fear not, the solution has arrived.
No longer need you tremble in your jammies, worried you may cause a stink. This is a truly mind-boggling invention that uses cutting-edge military technology to promise to restore marriages and at the same time fire up stagnant, rotten, sex-lives.
And, judging by the fact that over two million people have viewed the advert on You Tube, there can be no doubt, there is a need for the Better Marriage Blanket.
Yes ladies and gentlemen, for less than $40, excluding postage, you will no longer have to answer "yes" to the age-old question: "Is flatulence ruining your love-life?"
I don't know about you, but it's a topic that comes up regularly at our dinner parties and, no doubt, you too have likely spent many hours discussing the problem with family, friends and work colleagues.
But now, with the arrival of the Better Marriage Blanket, the acrid, foetid smell of your bed-partner's farts will no longer leave you gasping for air, like a landed mackerel, while you desperately flap the sheets and struggle to open the window.
According to the manufacturer, "flatulence molecules pass through a cotton layer and get absorbed by the carbon layer, leaving you to experience fresh air and added under-blanket warmth!" Actually I added the bit about the warmth - it's a selling feature they probably didn't think of.
Chemical weapons
Available in different sizes, the Better Marriage Blanket is said to contain the same type of fabric used by the military to protect against chemical weapons.
It's also touted as a "great wedding or anniversary gift too."
I wish it had been around when my wife and I tied the knot more than years ago. That way we'd probably still be sleeping in same the room - and maybe even in the same bed.
She's a strange girl, my dear wife. She's not amused by the same things I am. For example, I find it difficult to get her to crack even the smallest of a smiles when, lying together, I trap her head under the blankets and fart.
What can I say, I find farts - particularly mine - funny. I laugh so much I can hardly breathe, yet strangely she fails to see the comedy.
That, and my snoring, has seen me moved to a room down the passage and now I am forced to keep the clouds of gas I emit from my bottom trapped firmly beneath the blankets until she comes into my room in the morning with a cup of coffee.
Then, with a flourish, I'll fling back the bed-clothes and hope for the best. Once I got lucky. She dropped the cup in the middle of a choking fit but, in truth, it's just not the same. It's a poor substitute for the genuine "Dutch Oven" or "Covered Wagon."
Drawback
That, I think is one of the drawbacks of the Better Marriage Blanket. It will do away with those intimate, fun-filled moments that couples, enjoy in bed and have so much fun remembering. It's also going to make Two-and-a-half-Men a lot less funny.
I am also afraid, if they ever start making baby diapers from the new wunder-fabric, it's going to mean the end of that endearing Mommy ritual where - usually in a restaurant - some mum sticks her nose against her little-one's butt, takes a lung-filled sniff and loudly announces "someone's made a stinky poopie!". But at least the old finger up the diaper's leg-hole is likely to remain.
Before anyone gets the wrong impression, let me place on record that I am not solely responsible for producing noxious odours in my home.
My dear wife must also bear some responsibility. Consequently, a nice pair of sweat pants in activated-carbon fabric in her size would indeed be welcome.
When it comes to rear emissions I tend to be noisy - and, if I may be so bold as to say, quite musical.
My wife, on the other, hand is covert and sneaky. The first indication that something is horribly amiss comes from the dogs.
When they are suddenly startled from their slumbers on the TV-room carpet and slink away, you know what's coming.
You see, my dear wife, kind and sweet as she may be, is by no means above blaming the dogs for her odoriferous indiscretions. With noses (thankfully) hundreds of times more sensitive than mine, they know an undeserved scolding is only seconds away, so they get the hell outta Dodge.
"Blah, blah, blah," my wife has just said, while reading over my shoulder.
"No one will believe you because everyone knows women don't fart."
"Yes, Dear," I replied meekly.
I didn't have the guts to show her the comment from someone called PyroRob69 who recently wrote about the Better Marriage Blanket on a chat forum. I think he summed it up quite nicely when he said:
"Women don't fart because they can't keep their mouths shut long enough to build up any back pressure."
P.S. Yes, the Better Marriage Blanket is a real product!
