Riah Gonzalez's Blog

How to Cultivate the Confidence You Need to “All In” on Life

We all want to go big in life.

To achieve our dreams, make an impact, and create lasting change. But oftentimes, we allow self-doubt and insecurity to stand in our way. We allow others to put us in a box and tell us what’s possible (or not possible) for our lives. Hell, I made it through twelve years of college on the fumes of naysayers telling me I would amount to nothing. Wrong!

The truth is, we are the only ones who can decide what’s possible for our lives. If we want to go big, we must start by cultivating the confidence we need to make it happen.

Here are four tips on how to do just that:

1. Get clear on your why.
When you get clear on why you’re doing something, it becomes easier to stay motivated and confident, even when things get tough.  Understand your motivation. What is your endgame? Your “why.” Without nailing down why you’re doing something, it’s likely you won’t follow through.

You need to be clear on your purpose.

Don’t just go through the motions daily without a clear idea of what you’re working towards. Make sure every action you take is in service of your larger goal. Keep your eye on the prize, and don’t get sidetracked or discouraged along the way. Losing focus on what matters will only set you back.

So ask yourself: Why am I doing this? What do I hope to achieve? Why is this important to me? Answering these questions will help you stay laser focused and motivated, no matter what obstacles come your way.

2. Surround yourself with people who believe in you.
What kind of person do you want to be surrounded by? Do you want people who believe in you or people who doubt you?  People who believe in you will always be your biggest fans. They’ll encourage you to pursue your dreams and cheer you every step of the way. On the other hand, people who doubt you will always find ways to bring you down. They’ll tell you that you’re not good enough and try to dissuade you from taking risks.

So ask yourself: which type of person do you want in your life? (Honorable mention that there are so many fun ways to meet these people! You never know who will be the next member of your chosen family!)

4. Take action steps every day.
Last but not least, one of the best ways to cultivate confidence is to take action steps every day toward your goal. When you can see progress being made, it’s easier to stay motivated and confident that you’ll ultimately achieve what you set out to do.

Start your day by doing something that makes you feel good about yourself. For example, take a brisk walk outside, or accomplish a small goal you’ve been putting off.  Every day, try to do something that makes you feel a little bit more confident. Over time, you’ll see a big difference in how you feel about yourself. On my podcast, The Client Experience Revolution Episode 44, Coach Heidi Busche said, “Any action is good action.” This has become a staple anthem in the Gonzalez household, and I invite you to take it on for yourself.

Remember, it’s the small things that add up over time to create lasting change. So keep taking those daily steps and watch your confidence skyrocket!  Confidence is key if you want to go big in life. Without it, it’s all too easy to give up when things get tough or doubt yourself when others don’t believe in your vision. But if you can tap into your inner confidence and belief in yourself, there’s nothing stopping you from achieving everything you’ve ever dreamed of—and more!

You Landed the Lead and You Didn’t Even Have to Audition?

You are the leading actor in this thing called life, and it is time to start acting like it! Main character energy is all about taking charge of your life and going after what you want. It’s about being the badass hero of your own story instead of being a passive bystander.

 

Here are four reasons why:

 

Main character energy is magnetic.

Have you ever noticed how some people just seem to exude confidence and charisma? They walk into a room, and everyone’s attention is immediately drawn to them. I like to imagine that in a non-socially-awkward way, I would enter a room gracefully (without falling!), and people would ooh and ahh over how awesome I am. I’m laughing as I type that – but seriously, wouldn’t I look fabu in a Bridgerton-style ball gown and tiara?

 

Maybe thinking about that much attention causes you to grasp the Benedryl for the hives you are busting out in. Even if you don’t want the attention directly, wouldn’t it feel amazing to be recognized as magnetic? To have people be interested in you and your story? To be the one that everyone wants to be around? That’s what main character energy can do for you.

 

People are naturally drawn to people who radiate confidence and power. When you embrace your inner protagonist, you’ll find that people are naturally attracted to you and your ideas. You’ll be seen as a leader, someone worth following.

 

Main character energy is frigging powerful.

 

When you’re the main character of your own story, you’re in control. You make the decisions. You decide where the story goes.

 

If that sounds scary, it’s because it is. But it’s also exhilarating. And empowering. It will make you feel like you can take on the world–because you can.

 

No one else knows what’s best for you or your story better than the person smack dab in the center of every single scene. Trust yourself to make the best decisions for your life, and watch as things start falling into place. Your story is full of potential.

 

Main character energy is contagious in the best of ways.

 

When you live with main character energy, you’ll start to inspire those around you to do the same. You’ll be surprised at how quickly your positive attitude and can-do spirit rubs off on others. Soon, everyone around you will be chasing their dreams and reaching for new heights.

 

Main character energy gets results.

 

Plain and simple, people with main character energy get things done. They don’t sit around waiting for things to happen; they make things happen. If you want to achieve your goals and reach your full potential, embracing your inner main character is the way to go.

 

So what are you waiting for? *Lights, camera, ACTION!* 🎬

How to Find Meaningful Connections When You Feel Lonely

In our increasingly connected world, it’s easy to feel lonely. This loneliness epidemic isn’t just affecting adults – teenagers and young adults struggle to find meaningful connections.

There are several reasons why we might feel lonely. First, social media feeds us constant images and messages from the “perfect” parts of other’s lives. This can make us feel like we’re not good enough or that everyone else is living a better life than we are. Other times, the problem is simply that we don’t know how to connect with others – we don’t know how to start a conversation or keep one going. And sometimes, loneliness is simply the result of being an introvert in a world that values extroverts.

But being lonely doesn’t mean you have to stay that way. You can do plenty of things to find meaningful connections, even if you don’t feel like you fit in with the rest of the world.

Here are three suggestions:

1) Join a club or organization where you can meet people with similar interests.

2) Talk to people you meet – whether the cashier at the grocery store or someone sitting next to you on the bus. Everyone has a story, and getting to know someone can be both interesting and rewarding.

3) Reach out to old friends – sometimes all it takes is a meme by text or a shared TikTok to start a conversation again.

The Loneliness Epidemic.

The statistics on loneliness

According to a recent study, loneliness has reached epidemic levels in the United States. In fact, in a 2020 Harvard Study, “36% of all Americans—including 61% of young adults … feel ‘serious loneliness.'” Another study showed that “Young adults are twice as likely to be lonely than seniors. 79% of adults aged 18 to 24 report feeling lonely compared to 41% of seniors aged 66 and older.”

The effects of loneliness

Loneliness isn’t just a feeling – it can have real health consequences. Studies have linked loneliness to higher rates of heart disease, dementia, anxiety, and depression. Loneliness can also lead to social isolation, further compounding these health problems.

Why We Feel Lonely.

Social media and loneliness

In an increasingly connected world through social media, it’s more important than ever to feel like we belong. But ironically, social media can contribute to feelings of loneliness and isolation. For example, a study by the University of Pittsburgh found that people who use social media the most are likelier to feel lonely and isolated.

There are a few reasons for this. First, social media gives us a false sense of connection. We see our friends’ highlight reels, but we don’t see the mundane reality of their lives. This can make us feel like we’re not measuring up or that our own lives are boring in comparison. Second, social media can be a breeding ground for negativity and drama. When we see everyone else’s perfect lives, it’s easy to compare ourselves and come up short. And when we get caught up in other people’s drama, it takes away from time we could spend developing our relationships.

The problem with small talk

Small talk is the kind of conversation you have with someone you don’t know well about topics that are not controversial or personal. It’s the weather, sports, TV shows, etc. And while small talk can be a nice way to pass the time, it doesn’t usually lead to meaningful connections. Research has shown that small talk can make us feel lonelier because it reinforces the idea that we’re not known or understood by others.

Loneliness and introversion

It’s a common misconception that only introverts feel lonely because they prefer to spend time alone. But introverts can be some of the most socially engaged people; they just need deeper conversations and closer relationships than their extroverted counterparts. The problem is that our culture is geared toward extroverts and often leaves introverts feeling left out or

misunderstood. So if you’re an introvert who feels lonely, have fun looking for groups of people who share your interests (introvert meetups are becoming more popular worldwide).

How to Find Meaningful Connections.

Join a club or organization

If you’re feeling lonely, one way to find meaningful connections is to join a club or organization. Doing this will allow you to meet people with similar interests, and you’ll be able to participate in activities together. There are clubs and organizations for just about everything, so you’re sure to find one that’s a good fit for you.

Talk to people you meet.

Another way to find meaningful connections is to talk to people you meet. This can be difficult if you’re introverted or shy, but it’s worth trying. Even if you don’t end up becoming friends with someone, talking to them can help alleviate loneliness by making you feel more connected to the world around you.

Reach out to old friends

If you’re feeling lonely, another option is to reach out to old friends. Whether they live near you or far away, getting in touch with them can help reduce feelings of loneliness. You may even find that your friendship is stronger than ever before.

If you’re feeling lonely, you’re not alone. In today’s world, loneliness is becoming more and more common. But there are things you can do to find meaningful connections and combat the effects of loneliness. The irony of loneliness is that so many of us feel that way. I’d love to hear what you are doing to stay in touch with others and keep the “lonelies” away. Comment below!

Resources:

https://mcc.gse.harvard.edu/reports/l...

https://newsroom.cigna.com/loneliness...

Self-Care for Entrepreneurs: Heal to Go Beyond

Self-care isn’t usually the first thing we talk about in the business world. It’s often been more about the hustle & grind, and the courage & determination required to start a business. After all, these things stretch us out of our comfort zones. Yet that is precisely the same reason we need more self-care as entrepreneurs and leaders.

Luckily, the self-care movement is growing and spreading every day. People are starting to recognize that self-care is neither selfish nor is it a luxury. They know that making time for renewal will create more space for them to become stronger and stretch further.

Closely related to self-care is the concept of personal healing. But it’s something that’s a little harder to pinpoint as healing can mean different things for different people. While self-care involves taking care of the basic physical, mental, and emotional needs that all people have, healing is something that goes deeper and is unique to your circumstances.

Personal healing in the world of business is talked about even less than self-care. It’s an important issue yet people tend to dismiss it as irrelevant because society always teaches you to “move on / get over it.” But if you’ve ever felt like you keep hitting the same walls over and over in your business, you may start to wonder what’s really holding you back. Usually, it’s ourselves.

Back then I spoke with Monique Gaffney (moniquegaffney.com) about this topic (this podcast episode). Monique has given hundreds of women the roadmap to heal their past, step into their power, and show up fearlessly to serve the world in their Purpose. I’ve worked with her and have seen her work with others who were getting phenomenal results and radical shifts in their businesses and lives. It happens when we dig a little deeper.

Digging Deeper to Uncover Wounds

If self-care means you create more time and space for renewal… why not also use it to get to the root of your struggles? Think of healing as getting rid of weights you didn’t know you were carrying for the longest time. It goes deeper than self-care in the sense that it will have a more long-lasting effect.

If you’ve wondered why things start out well but later fall into self-sabotaging patterns, then you’ve likely encountered a pattern caused by your root/core wound. Monique specifically helps people identify these core wounds. They come from people, things, or events that shift the trajectory of your life.

Somewhere along the way, at a specific time and place, a false limiting belief was planted in your mind. You’ve probably just kind of learned to live with it as it follows you along like a shadow. However, it may be taking up more of your energy than you think.

“This is who I need to be in order to prove my worth and I won’t be satisfied unless I get that.”
Our limiting beliefs tend to sound something like that. They tell us that we’re never enough, and that we need to fill that hole, which honestly is more like a bottomless pit. This strays us off course from our true path or purpose.

As a knee-jerk reaction to core wounds, people compartmentalize the different areas in their lives. Their work lives are made completely separate from their personal lives, social lives, or even from their “fun” lives. For most of their lives, they pretend their core wounds from one area don’t exist in the other areas. What they don’t know is that it can still seep through the cracks, because it doesn’t exist outside of them—they carry it along with them.

The Keys to Unlocking Doors

We all want to succeed in our businesses and to serve our highest purpose. Yet who gets in our way the most? We do. We limit ourselves because of the stories we tell ourselves based on the things that have happened to us.

So if we limit ourselves, how can we lead our teams to go beyond? We can only lead them as far as we are healed ourselves because we don’t know what’s beyond that. That is why it is our responsibility as entrepreneurs and leaders to heal forward so that others may heal as well.

Monique has made it her mission to help these leaders unlock doors to the opportunities and successes that they crave. Core Wound Healing provides the missing pieces of the puzzle, the keys that unlock those doors. It’s a process that Monique was called to share to others after she has tried to discover what would work for her own healing.

The beauty of this process is that it is highly action-oriented and gives out tangible results. It is also not something vague and mystical—no “hands over your head” type of thing. It takes the real work of identifying the wounds and then planting the new beliefs with forgiveness and gratitude.

Because it’s hard work, there may be times when you don’t want to deal with it. You may ask, “can’t we just skip to the healing part already?” But a good thing to remember is that band-aids don’t fix bullet holes. It’s very crucial to do the whole process step by step, as you can only open each door once you’ve opened the one before it. It takes time, so be patient.

Lead From a Healed Space

When I said the process gives out tangible results, I mean that I have really seen and felt that shift in energy, especially in my interactions with people. I’ve felt physically lighter, like I’ve gone through a little bit of soul surgery. It’s really phenomenal. And for me, that is why it is the ultimate form of self-care.

Speaking of self-care, you’ve all heard of journaling. Well, rather than a cliche, Monique highly recommends it as a great way to release your unhealed energy. You need to just get it all out, process it, and maybe you’ll end up seeing it from a new angle. (If you need more self-care tips, check our quick guide: Self-Care So You Can Care For Others)

Remember, self-care isn’t selfish, nor is it a luxury. And healing is not something to be put off for as long as you can. Your well-being puts everything else at stake. A leader can only lead if she is healed first and that will have a ripple effect within her company. By carrying around things that don’t serve her, she can and will affect everyone around her.

So remember to heal yourself forward, so that your team and your business can go with you to the next level, beyond your imaginable. It will take a LOT of work, but trust me, it is so worth it.

To trailblazing your success,

 

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Connect with Monique:

Facebook
LinkedIn
Core Wound Healing

Connect with Riah:

Client Experience Revolution Podcast
Facebook Group

Overcome Perfectionism to Break Through Your Limits

Remember that cliche where people mention perfectionism as their weakness in a job interview? It’s actually a sign of how pervasive it is in our culture, and how common it is in our human experience. It seems like the “safe” answer because perfectionists are strongly driven to create excellent work, so it would seem like a good weakness to have. But in reality, this shouldn’t impress anyone, because it’s one thing to have an intent, and another thing to actually act on it.

The real reason perfectionism is considered a weakness is because it cripples us from making decisions. When it becomes too strong, perfectionism becomes the thing that produces the opposite of what you want—no action at all, which means you’ve failed anyway. People think if they haven’t tried, then they didn’t fail. In reality, perfectionism causes failures in the form of self-sabotaging behaviors.

This topic is a big deal for business owners who experience a lot of pressure to succeed. We are almost expected to be on our A game all of the time. And yet, since we’re human, it’s unreasonable to think we will never make mistakes. “Done is better than perfect,” I always say, but it’s been much harder to apply it in practice.

Back then, I had Monja Meyer as a guest on this podcast episode to speak about this topic. Monja Meyer is a confidence coach and podcast host (Women Making Money / The Brave Boss Podcast) on a mission to help women overcome their self-limiting beliefs so they can become highly magnetic in their lives and businesses.

Monja knows the strong impact perfectionism can have on our confidence, and so she strives to help us overcome this major obstacle. So it is with great thanks to Monja that we can now dive deep into this important topic.

The first step to overcoming perfectionism: find out how it shows up in our lives.

Perfectionism shows up in various disguises. Some things we usually equate to perfectionism are things like being neat, organized, or a stellar student. But these don’t really give us the full picture. You can be disorganized or perform poorly in school/work and still be a perfectionist. In fact, it’s more likely that you are disorganized or you perform poorly because you’re a perfectionist.

Hard to believe? That’s because what actually makes perfectionism problematic is the fear of failure or fear of shame. People don’t immediately make this connection, but once they reflect about it, they can see its pervasiveness in their lives. These feelings are deep-rooted in many of us, and they are the reason it’s difficult to stop perfectionist behaviors.

Monja emphasized that perfectionism doesn’t define who you are. It is simply a set of thoughts and behaviors that can be changed once you address the reasons behind what you do.

Perfectionist behaviors can be big or small. Procrastination and the cycle of anxiety that follows it is definitely a big one, which is why it gets its own section later in the blog.

Here’s an example of a small one. There are times I’d write my signature over and over if a letter didn’t look right. It sounds harmless, but it can be a waste of time and energy when in reality, no one would even notice!

Besides, the small things do add up eventually. Whenever you preoccupy yourself with unimportant things, you miss the opportunity to make progress on your bigger goals. And when you’re preoccupied, you may even miss the opportunity to clean your house, for that matter… (That’s just to show you how messiness and perfectionism can coexist!)

Perfectionism blocks you from moving forward.

When I was 15, I wanted to get a tattoo that said “all or nothing.” I didn’t end up getting it, though at the time, I didn’t realize how prophetic that would’ve been.

Most people don’t know me as a perfectionist. For a long time, I didn’t think I was one either. But there were times I’ve had difficulty making progress and it turned out something deeper was going on. “All or nothing” is a phrase a perfectionist would think when they stop themselves from moving forward. Either they create something perfectly or none at all.

Perfectionists only want to move forward after they get one small thing done perfectly. Or they’d only feel motivated if an experience or event completely matches up with a daydream, image, or idea that they have in their head.

This is the real issue with perfectionism. Perfectionists easily fall into “analysis paralysis.” They are so fearful of making mistakes. Yet because it’s impossible to avoid mistakes, they almost always end up doing nothing at all.

Perfectionists are risk-averse. This won’t do when you’re a business owner. We inherently face a lot of risks on a daily basis. And it certainly won’t do when you’re a leader who people look up to for decision-making.

Seeking Clarity as a Perfectionist

Here’s another big one. Perfectionists want to seek clarity before making ANY decision, and that is why they are almost always stuck. If you’ve ever felt the lightness and ease after having an “aha moment,” then you’d understand why perfectionists are often chasing this feeling. They do not like the discomfort of making the wrong decision, so they try to seek this feeling of clarity by overanalyzing information.

But clarity has never been about the feeling of it, which is often short-lived. The feeling usually stops once you get back into the daily grind. Clarity is not something that you have to seek outside of you. And it is certainly not just “one grand moment” that makes everything else after it feel like a piece of cake…

Clarity isn’t something that you wait for. Rather, clarity is a continuous process that you create for yourself by taking action and then adjusting accordingly (clarity in hindsight, as they say). It is going all in with a decision and then being willing to overcome the challenges that come with making that commitment. And if you make a mistake, you’ll know intuitively what to do next. You’ll feel what resonates more for you.

Clarity does not totally remove all the bumps in your path. When we chose to narrow down the types of services we offer here at Linq, we lost some clients in the process. But we felt firm and secure in our decision as we knew we took the steps towards our vision. In the end, making this decision allowed us to deliver more value and serve new and existing clients more effectively.

Overcoming procrastination, the sister of perfectionism.

By this point, the overlap between perfectionism and procrastination is probably quite obvious. Procrastination is delaying action, which echoes the fact that perfectionism stops you from moving forward. It starts off small. But once you give into it, it becomes a vicious cycle full of anxiety and guilt. This whole process then ends up becoming VERY draining.

Mel Robbins once said that procrastination is not mere laziness, but rather, it is a coping mechanism for stress. When we procrastinate, we are unconsciously avoiding stress caused by our fears of failure or discomfort. It works for a while to blow off some steam. But the drawback to this is that there is really no escape, and so we only end up feeling even more stressed after we procrastinate.

You must become aware of this process before it snowballs into something big. All big changes start with self-awareness. Often, we are not conscious of the reasons behind our chronic urge to procrastinate. But the more we ask ourselves “WHY,” the more we can talk ourselves out of it.

Every difficult feeling that we are trying to avoid has a thought behind it. Picking apart those thoughts, becoming more gentle with ourselves, and realizing that our failures do not need to define us can all start to help us break the old patterns apart. The more specific you can be with this process, the better.

Monja also encourages us to build up self-trust by committing to one small action and building a habit around it. Getting started on anything, no matter how small, will build up your momentum. This way, you’ll naturally feel motivated and you’ll no longer need to wait for inspiration to come around!

Overcoming perfectionism will grow the leader who will grow the business.

Remember that perfectionism is a collection of thoughts and behaviors that can be changed through self-awareness and forgiveness. Try to change your inner dialogue into one that is supportive instead of discouraging. Remind yourself that even when you encounter doubts, failures, and challenges, you’re probably still on the right track.

We’re often reinventing ourselves through our businesses… It’s both frightening and pretty rad.

If you don’t feel ready to fully overcome perfectionism, consider this: Perhaps the most comforting thing about this topic is the fact that it is a common experience, and it does not reflect any character flaw on your part. Still, it’s worth the pain and discomfort to grow and transform into the best version of yourself. And you don’t need to be perfect to do that.

To lifelong learning and lots more fun on this journey,

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Connect with Monja:

Women Making Money / The Brave Boss Podcast
Website
Instagram
Facebook Group

Connect with Riah:

Client Experience Revolution Podcast
Facebook Group

Finding the Clear Path to Kate’s Joy

Kate Johnson has just found the clear path towards what resonates most with her soul, and I couldn’t be happier to support her! She is passionate about spreading happiness through baking. Her business, Kate’s Kitchen Seattle initially started as a monthly cookie subscription service, but has also expanded to cakes and cupcakes to make those events and occasions extra special.

But before she doubled down on the path she truly wanted, she had been feeling quite stuck. So she took up Clear Path Consulting with me to help her determine her next best steps.

Who is Clear Path Consulting for?
The women entrepreneurs or professionals who:
1) are not sure where they should be headed or feel stuck,
2) know what they want to achieve, but just don’t know how to bridge the gap between where they are and where they want to be.

Kate wanted clear and actionable steps that she didn’t have to second-guess. So together, we mapped out her journey to become the best version of herself.

The process of uncovering a Clear Path may begin with uncertainty.

Before this point, Kate felt her bakery business may have fizzled out. At first, she wasn’t sure whether it was still worth reviving. She had no clue how to move forward. She feared the thought of doing her office day job for probably another 30 years. Contrast that with her huge smile whenever she would picture her thriving bakery business.

One of the exercises she received in the packet I sent her would help her identify all the different options that she could have with this business. There are so many! It’s one reason we may get into a sort of analysis paralysis or become unsure on what choice to make. We worked together to make sure that each action step matched the needs of her unique situation as well as resonated with her own desires.

Whether or not Kate aims to sell part-time at Sunday markets or go full force into building a thriving commercial business, she should be able to take each action with confidence. Depending on where she’s currently at, she could have some contingency plans in place to support her even as the details may change.

An outside perspective can help you choose what’s right for you.

Once she strongly considered pursuing her dream again, she was faced with even more choices. There are many viable ways to get to a goal, but not all of them are right for her.

She took the Clear Path assessment which is modelled after a scientifically based assessment that is backed by validity studies across many countries. The expertise in the assessment can help to provide a fresh perspective about yourself and how you show up behaviorally in your career or business. Armed with this information, you can determine which path of action can work best for you and feel most authentic to your desires.

Based on the info provided by the assessment, we’ve mapped out the steps on the path to Kate’s goal that would match her strengths as well as help her stay laser-focused on the things she has the most control over. We’ve also eliminated some unnecessary steps that tended to drain her energy. Lastly, we’ve compiled and organized resources in a way that could work with many contingencies.

A clear intention is what calls forth your next steps.

When she finally decided, things got clearer. Making her decision put Kate through a transition process, which, though difficult, she reports is totally worth it. What she enjoyed the most was the aha! moment where she realized “I can actually just do it [bake cookies] because I want to!”

I loved seeing that expression light up on her face as I knew she was going to be able to spread her own joy to other people through her craft.

She felt more empowered. It was all about making the conscious choice to finally go after it. Definitely a hard choice, but that’s exactly where the magic happens!

Given challenges, most people aren’t decisive at first. Sometimes it takes going through a step by step process, assessing things carefully, and finding out what specifically works for you that you get to a point where your goals feel more achievable. In Kate’s case, saving up for that expensive cottage food license (and probably eventually a commercial license if she chooses to go that route) started to feel more viable.

Once she was decided, it was only a matter of consistent baby steps. We mapped out things she could start on RIGHT AWAY and she knocked those puppies out of the park. Things that previously felt impossible stopped feeling impossible. The next resource was something that she could more easily manifest along the way. Specific details would eventually come up at the right time to answer some of her questions.

Having a clear intention is what makes the path to your goal feel more intuitive and achievable.

Kate’s success would mean more happiness is spread around.

When I asked Kate what moved the needle for her, it was all the conversations relating to why she did it in the first place. It was about all her insights and how she had redefined her success to mean reconnecting with and sharing her joy.

Kate deciding this had also greatly enhanced the clarity she felt about her own path. It was the moment when things “clicked,” and dots connected. She was about to start on her flow or momentum…

Kate joyfully recalls how it all started,

“I started routinely baking on Thursday nights over 10 years ago. It had been a long week at work. When I got home, I collapsed on the couch and was so happy it was the weekend… And then I remembered it was Thursday. So I went to the kitchen and whipped up a batch of chocolate chip cookies to get me through the evening. The next day I took about three dozen cookies in to work to share with the office. They were gobbled up in about 2 hours! It was great to bring a little bit of joy to an otherwise stressful office. And so began my cookie Fridays at work … The kitchen is my happy place. It brings me joy and I love to share that joy with others.”

It’s amazing when people like Kate reconnect with their passions, as it allows a chance for more and more people to pay it forward. It seems like so much of this happiness really goes around like currency!

Stay tuned with Kate’s Kitchen Seattle as she tests out new recipes like Earl Grey Lemon Tea cookies and Carrot Cake Whoopie pies! You can (and should!) find her at her website or on social media:
kateskitchenseattle.com
instagram.com/kateskitchenseattle
facebook.com/KatesKitchenSeattle

Mapping Out a Clear Path for Yourself

Sometimes you need to talk through it to find out what is holding you back or keeping you stuck. You also need to first put your intention out there before you will find something or be in the right place for the next step.

Overall, I hope you leave this blog with a willingness to have an open dialogue with yourself so you can map out your clearest path.

Whatever you choose, I’d gladly support you on your journey.

All the best,

 

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How to Delegate and Get Sh*t Done

Don’t you just absolutely want to get shit done right now? At some point in time, delegating stops being a thing to debate about. It’s an idea that scares the people who’ve never done it. But that’s usually because they don’t really know how to delegate the right way. So would you want to do it if you had a detailed guide that can make things even just a tad easier?

Now, you’ve heard about the many benefits of delegating. More time, greater productivity, less stress, better health, better relationships, the growth of your business accelerating, the chance to step fully into your role as the CEO or visionary, and the joy of empowering others. These are a few of the “whys” of delegating.

It’s the “whys” that encourage you to delegate despite the fact that it’s challenging. Because at some point in your business, even when you don’t always want to delegate, you’ll do it because you have to. In that case, a detailed How To guide would be sorely needed.

The first step of the “how” is determining the “what.”

What to Delegate

The list of “whats” can be incredibly long because really, the world is your oyster!  I’ll mention some examples, but what you choose to delegate first will depend on your business and your priorities. In most cases, you’d do well to sort out the tasks that are time-consuming and tedious. Also sort out the tasks that don’t strongly impact your business’s growth.

A good rule of thumb (especially for your first hires) is to delegate something you are familiar with. Regardless of how experienced an employee or VA is or how much training they need, you need to be familiar enough with a task that you know what to measure. Likewise, having standard operating procedures will help your team maintain standards of quality across all of their outputs.

Jacob Ramirez of Wanderlust Leader says, “If we don’t know anything about a task…we are ignorant about what it entails, the level of effort it costs, and what it takes to do it right.” We also wouldn’t be able to support our VAs or employees or manage the quality of their outputs.

Of course, there are times when we hire experts, specialists, or consultants. This advice may not exactly apply for them. However, it’d still be a good idea to know what to look for. You should know what kind of standards to maintain with any task that will directly affect your business.

You can delegate your social media marketing.

The first example of something you could delegate is social media marketing, which is huge nowadays. I’ve heard many people say that it’s not something they’re passionate about. It can definitely feel like a drain to have to think of something unique to post every single day.

To effectively delegate this, you’d need to have a very clear idea of what your brand identity is. If that is something you cannot clearly express to someone else, then you will not be able to have someone else replicate that on social media.

It is important to have a basic brand kit put together with your colors, fonts, etc. You know, all the elements that really communicate the heart of who you are and what your business is about visually. You can have a specialist or consultant help you create one. That way, it’d be easier to delegate social media tasks to your employees or VAs more consistently.

Just as – or even more important, is to have worked out your brand voice and target audience. If you don’t know who you are targeting, you won’t know how to communicate with them. And if you don’t know how to communicate with them, it’s going to be hard for anyone else to take over that task for you.

Personally, I’ve had somebody who has really tapped into my voice and represented me so well on social media. It had been a huge blessing for me to be able to let that go and participate, but not have to be responsible for all of the content creation. We worked really well as a team. With this, I was also able to dig deeper into the other things (in work and in life) that I care about. Hello, productivity!

You can delegate administrative tasks.

The things you end up delegating to your first VAs or employees tend to be administrative tasks. There are so many little tasks that really pile up. You can have people make phone calls to customers, schedule appointments, manage your calendar, enter customer information into your CRMs and databases, etc. Or have them sort through your email and create rules so that it auto sorts and then have them delete and unsubscribe for you. You can dictate your notes and then have them transcribe and sort out that information for you. Or have them do lead generation.

The list is almost endless. I’ve had people order my groceries before. And this always freaks people out, but I’ve even had somebody pay my bills and balance my checkbook. That was one of the things that I found I was neglecting a lot when I first started the business. Now, obviously that is not for everyone. But it is something that can be done, especially if you’ve established a huge level of trust with a person on your team, as I had.

Speaking of trust, there is something to be said about it fostering loyalty among employees. 

You see, I love the impact that I make by allowing other people to learn new tasks. I love seeing them become more confident. One time, I was able to give my employee 4 new tasks that I can take off my plate. These were tasks that I didn’t even think of delegating before. But it just came to me. I suddenly asked myself why I was doing these tasks when I could easily show her how to do them (by recording Loom videos–a fantastic tool for training).

With this, I’m not only taking something off my plate. I’m also giving her the opportunity to learn another skill. I’m giving her the trust that it takes to turn those types of things over to somebody else. She had expressed how much she appreciated that trust. I think what ultimately ends up happening is that trust that you extend to somebody else fosters loyalty.

Other Things You Can Delegate

You can have somebody do your promotional designs, customer service, bookkeeping, computer support, market research, etc. The list goes on. But these are just some ideas for you to start off with. If none of these things on the list really tick a box for you, I always recommend making a journal entry or a spreadsheet of all of the tasks that you do. Take note, it must be an exhaustive list.

And I mean you must really get into the smallest details. Keep asking “what else” and look at anything on the list that can be broken down into smaller tasks. Keep in mind that some tasks need to be assigned to more than one person. For instance, you may do a part of it and somebody else does other parts of it.

Breaking everything down into the tiniest unit and being exhaustive can help you assess the things that are going by the wayside. What are the things that you’re more likely to procrastinate on? These are the areas you should start with when you are assigning tasks to someone else. You may also assign things you don’t like doing or that you’re not naturally good at, as long as you are adequately familiar with what is needed for those tasks (as mentioned above). These tasks will be easier for you to give up.

The other things on your list may be things that you think no one else can do. But over time, you may see that you don’t actually have to be the one to do all those things. In my case, I realized I could have someone do my email management when I previously thought I couldn’t. As long as you trust that person, you can turn it over. Now, developing that trust, or choosing the right people in the first place, may be a topic saved for another article.

How to Delegate

Firstly, be organized. Make sure you know the right tasks that can be delegated. We had already tackled this in greater detail above.

Next, be mindful about who you choose to delegate your tasks to. Of course, you should choose someone you trust. But trust is also something you would have to develop over time as your employees or VAs gradually learn new skills and try new tasks. Just remember that each person has their own strengths and weaknesses.

One mistake with delegation is expecting some people to be superhuman and be able to do all tasks. In actuality, each person will perform better when they have specific and clear roles. It doesn’t serve you or them to be a jack of all trades. That doesn’t mean that they will only do one task, but it means that their tasks will tend to all be related to their specific strengths.

There will be times that delegating new tasks will cause your employee to overcome some of their weaknesses. That’s great if it happens. And it’s good to challenge them a bit if you want them to grow. Just keep in mind that there will most likely always be a task that will be a more complex version of something they’re good at, or a task that challenges them even as it plays to their strengths. As businesses grow, there should be no shortage of those kinds of tasks.

With all this in mind, it is extremely important to get to know your employees so that you can delegate the right tasks to the right people. In this case, building strong relationships with your team will be a sort of investment that creates a flourishing work environment.

Next, make sure to provide the resources and training they need to properly complete the task. A very useful tool to use over and over is Loom for recording short instructional videos.  Remind them about the results or milestones you are after, which will help keep them on track. Be clear and specific about your vision, so that outputs maintain a more unified and cohesive message as well as a more consistent level of quality. And instead of micromanaging, empower them to make certain decisions, ask questions, share insights, solve problems, and figure out the best way to complete their work. This way, work will not stall every time you’re not around to guide them.

To make sure you’re both on the same page, daily updates and feedback are essential. I recommend using project management software to keep you all organized. You can use this software to also track milestones or smaller parts of a task, aside from just the completed task as a whole. Please don’t underestimate the value of a tool, even something as basic as Trello. Hell, even Excel is better than nothing. There are so many options out there and many are free. I use a tool called Monday.com and I love it! It’s not free but you have to find what works best with your brain. This one has pretty colors and the structure and versatility works well for my team.

And finally, once they’ve completed their work, make sure to say thank you. Point out specific things they’ve done well. Martin Zwilling on Forbes said that “It will inspire loyalty, provide real satisfaction for work done, and become the basis for mentoring and performance reviews.”

The Art of Letting Go

Stripped-down of all these details, the simplest way to delegate is to simply know what and how to let go. Let go of the things that are holding you back from more productivity and more growth, not only in your business, but also in your life. If you can take the chance and share a bit of the pie with everyone in your team, you not only go further, you pull them along with you as well.

Delegation isn’t easy, but it is an art that must be learned. It’s a soft skill that can only be mastered by better managing all the relationships around you in the workplace. It is something that only leaders can do best. And I’m sure you’ll be a great one.

To all the milestones you’ll surely cross together,

 

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Why You Need to Delegate

Delegation requires the ability to effectively manage and lead other people, which certainly isn’t easy. Then again, most things worth doing aren’t easy. So, why delegate?

Let me tell you, delegation is extremely worth it for your business. Not only can you not do everything by yourself, you just really shouldn’t! With the increasing demands of your ever-growing business, you’d just burn yourself out if you did. And talk about missing out on the chance to grow exponentially when you have a team full of amazing, talented people inspired through your vision.

Maybe you’re so used to squeezing in the jobs of five people into your schedule. But no matter how much you try to be superhuman, your business will eventually stall if you don’t step in and become a leader for once. A leader is a visionary who moves through the collective contributions of other people.

Effective delegation involves becoming essential rather than involved.

On the Harvard Business Review, Jesse Sostrin makes the distinction between being essential and being involved as a leader in a business. He said, “the two are not the same — just as being busy and being productive are not necessarily equal.” Those who are involved make choices directly impacting the work they do, while those who are essential are decisive and wise in activating those around them.

When you’re essential, you’re not micromanaging every detail, and you’re also not overextending yourself. Yet it is through your vision and your ability to inspire confidence in the people around you that lets you all reach further as a company.

Rather than only hiring people for basic tasks, delegation also involves strategically maximizing the potential of each person in your team. You can delegate whole projects to other people, but you can also have your team members assist you with small parts of your most important tasks so they are more exposed to the bigger picture. Of course, how much you delegate will depend on your current needs, but you must also understand that delegation isn’t just about “handing off tasks” to other people. At least, effective delegation is more than just that.

Why You Need to Delegate

Delegation frees you up to focus on your high-value and higher-level tasks. And when you get everyone working together to the best of their abilities, your business growth and productivity is likely to skyrocket.

With delegation, you can devote more time to strategic thinking, coaching, and leading your team. You start to move away from being a supercharged finisher of to-do lists and you become more of the visionary you are supposed to be. I mean, you’ve kickstarted this business with your vision. It’s even more important not to lose track of it when your business is growing so fast.

Delegation also empowers your team and contributes to each member’s professional development. When you care about your employee’s development and well-being, you inspire their commitment to their work. This is also because you’ve shown that you respect their abilities and trust their discretion. Likewise, you receive greater and more valuable contributions from employees who have grown a lot through your business.

Addressing the Common Objections to Delegating

If these benefits are not enough to get you on board, then we should address some challenges and objections you may have when it comes to delegating.

You may fear the loss of control over certain tasks. This may be because you are still accountable for the success or failure of those tasks, regardless of who does them. If so, you hold on to all these tasks because you think only you can do better.

In this scenario, you simply need to focus on building more trust. People will seldom let you down purposely, but you also need to give them the chance to do things right. This may involve some more training, which will only increase trust on both ends.

Of course, the other objection is that it would take more time to train and mentor another person than to complete a task. This is only temporarily true. Even then, it would totally depend on the task. Most first hires are assigned to repetitive and time-consuming tasks that don’t take long to learn. In this case, the return of investment is almost immediate. But for even the most complex of tasks, there will always be more time saved. The key is to always look at the long term.

Aside from saving your time, remember the importance of “managing your energy.” If you were one of those people who thought only you can do things better, consider how much better you can still do when your company has grown up to a certain size. You’re human, and at some point, something’s going to give. This is why no matter how challenging learning how to delegate can be, it is always extremely worth it when you finally learn how to do it right.

Delegation lets you go further.

Train your employees until you render yourself “obsolete.” Delegation is a complex process that requires trust, effective communication, and commitment. It’s about the old proverb where you teach someone to fish and you feed them for life. Delegation is walking an extra ten steps with your employee so they can walk a thousand more without you. Delegation is empowerment.

Stay tuned for the second part of this blog, titled How to Delegate That Sh*t!

To all the milestones you’ll surely cross together,

 

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From Burned Out to ON FIRE!

Are you sick, tired, feeling like you’ve hit the wall? We’ve all been there, but we don’t have to experience the terrible feeling again. No one deserves to feel the effects of perpetual sacrifice and stress and burnout.

Karrie Brazaski of Redwood Executive Coaching is well acquainted with burnout herself. As a nurse for 29 years and a hospital administrator for 15 years, she noticed that as demands and duties increased, her level of support and resources decreased.

Karrie realized that the first step to conquering burnout is realizing that sometimes you need to step away or step back to heal, even if you love what you do.

In this blog post, I review some of the key principles Karrie revealed about what to do when burnout strikes.

The Cumulative Costs of Stress

Burnout is caused by an overload of stress, but stress in turn is a result of recognizing we are burned out. It’s a vicious cycle that can have negative effects on our body, mind and soul.

‘Busy’ Reduces Productivity

Many times, we wear busyness on our chest like a badge of honor. We take pride in a full calendar of meetings, webinars, and eating lunch at our desk while answering emails.

But in reality, the more we add to our day the less productive we are. It begins to take a whole day to complete a task that would have taken an hour. A day’s work becomes a week’s work because we were distracted ‘multitasking’ (it’s been proven this is not a thing).

Doctors appointments start to get canceled, meetings rescheduled, and miscommunication ensues.

This low-level avoidance is a signal from our mind and body that we are taking on too much, and if not addressed can lead us into a deeper hole to dig out of.

Chronic Stress is Chronic Disease

Among the top 6 causes of death… stress contributes to all of them. Whenever we are in ‘fight or flight’ ‘mode, our body sends stress signals that affect us physically such as high blood pressure, anxiety, tension, etc

These reactions may help when fighting off a bear, but our body is not adapted to handle the sustained, chronic micro stressors that attack us everyday.

This chronic state of induced stress (and our reaction to it) is what contributes to breaking down our immune systems and ultimately leads to symptoms such as hypertension, obesity, anxiety, and other chronic illness/disease.

Stress and chaos do not allow us to GOST (get our shit together), and then we blame ourselves… causing guess what? Yup, even more stress.

It’s time to end this ring-around-the rosie, wouldn’t you say? Here’s how…

Unlearn the ‘Hustle and Grind’ Culture

Our culture thrives and glamorizes grind, hustle and workaholism. Even my beloved GaryVee, champion of hustle and grind, has walked back his message a bit. Gary now emphasizes choosing passion and enthusiasm as opposed to grinding yourself to the ground no matter what.

As much as I am a hustler and grinder myself, I’ve realized the mindset can be toxic when it overtakes every aspect of our lives and puts our physical and mental health at risk.

Relieve Yourself of the “Women’s Load”

As females and entrepreneurs, we take on a lot and think we have to do it all, putting ourselves last and everyone else first.

The mental load of women is the things we keep in our heads: calendars, appointments, chores, etc that occupy our mental space 24/7.

It’s essentially the job of an elite project manager… except we’re managing our personal life, and professional life, and family life… without pay and benefits. In other words, IT SUCKS.

This burden only expands with managing larger teams and household obligations. To help relieve some of your load, give yourself permission to let go of some things. Ask your partner to handle some tasks, delegate administrative work to your team, or invest in automation tools and software to clear up some mental space.

It’s important to note that when you delegate, whether it be to an employee, a partner, or your kids, you should no longer be responsible for that task.\ The mental load is not only about you being in charge of completing the task, but the mental energy that is required to initiate the help, follow-up, follow-through, if necessary.

When you give a responsibility to someone else, let it go. This may take some internal/external work and training upfront, but it’s going to pay dividends in the future. It’s a journey of trusting yourself and trusting others that nothing is going to burn(out) if you’re not directly in charge.

Focus only on your immediate priorities.

Perform an Internal Reality Check

You know that rabbit trail that we go down thinking of everything possible that can go wrong? Shut it DOWN.

It’s a scientific fact: our brains can’t differentiate between reality and what we repeatedly think or believe. So, when we constantly worry about the worst case scenario, we essentially manifest that outcome.

The solution? Don’t make shit up! Or rather, if you do, make sure it’s a nice story that you would happily put up with.

Build a practice of mindfulness to snap yourself out of these destructive thought loops. Some simple ways to cultivate awareness of your thoughts are: journaling, mediation, and exercise.

Practical Steps to Reduce BurnoutDelete the Trauma and Drama

Karrie highlighted some simple, actionable steps that we can all utilize to protect ourselves against chronic stressors that contribute to our feeling of burnout:

Address the root of the problem. What is causing you stress? Are you overwhelmed with a to-do list? Is it a toxic team member? Are you taking care of your health and wellness? Try to dive deep into the underlying cause of stress. Journaling over the course of weeks or months may aid in this process.

Examine existing conditions. There may be other factors that contribute to your susceptibility to stress and burnout. If you already have a chronic condition, that may more readily trigger your physical, emotions, or mental responses to situations. Try visiting a professional to see if you can mitigate some negative effects of your health.

Implement tools. Simple engagements such as meditation can drastically reduce risk of a negative response to a possible trigger, but there are also many other tools that can manage or decrease risks of potential upsets. These can be as practical as a to-do-list to manage your priorities to as spiritual as prayer in the midst of a crisis.

Create boundaries. Set up systems that protect you from people and tasks that drain your energy. Of course, not everything and/or one is avoidable, but you can structure your life so you are in control of how you interact with most situations.

Manage your Spoons

The spoons theory originated from a disability metaphor that highlights the disparity of resources for those that have a chronic illness or disability.

The keyword here is chronic – that can apply to stress, pain, fatigue, etc. The spoons theory explains that chronic ailments reduce our capacity to function as a person that does not have any chronic conditions.

In this case, if you are constantly burned out and/or stressed, you are not on an even playing field as someone who is not. It is important to recognize that you may have less internal resources to complete the tasks that others may do easily.

The spoons theory is great because it increases our awareness to the relationship between our external circumstances and internal capacities.

Once we recognize what ‘spoons’ are inhibiting us, we can either increase our spoons, or simply manage our external circumstances that accommodate our limited resources. One is not better than the other, but we must decide on which option will best allow us to show up in the world as our whole selves.

Intentionally Connect with Loved Ones

Our family often gets the worst of us by the end of the day. By the time we come home, our energy is spent on documents and spreadsheets and business partners.

Sometimes, it’s a bit too much to have a long day of work and be fully present with your family and household duties. I get it. Oftentimes we are told that we have to choose between a career and a life. There is a clear distinction between the two, but they are not mutually exclusive either.

Your loved ones deserve all of you, and you deserve to feel loved, too. Some ways to implement intentional connection are scheduling an hour out of each day, or taking weekends to turn off work to prioritize love in your life.

Prioritize Self-Care

Speaking of priorities, taking care of yourself is not a luxury – it’s a necessity. You cannot pour from an empty vessel. Renewing your mind so you can function properly is absolutely necessary. Sometimes, we just need rest.

Studies show that 7 to 9 hours of sleep cleans grey matter (part of our brain responsible for higher processing). It’s not only the quantity that matters, quality as well.

Here are some tips you can implement throughout your day to improve your likelihood of sound sleep:

Exercise earlyPractice a wind-down ritualFollow natural light patternsDeclutter your mind and spaceLimit blue light exposure an hour before bedLet Your Burnout Fizzle Out

Remember, you can only serve others from an overflow. Managing your stress and productivity levels are a critical part of leadership. Recognize the signs of burnout and take time to heal.

What does your burnout look like? How are you taking steps to manage it? I hope this blog gave you some ideas! Share your experiences in our community, Client Experience Revolution Facebook Group.

If you are in a corporate space, check out Karrie’s services on her website.

To conquering and thriving!

 

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How To Speak Better in Public: The Fiercest Coaching Program Ever

Public speaking is daunting. Some people tend to shy away from it. Some people will go to different lengths just to avoid it. What most of us don’t know is, it is possible to become a compelling speaker without going through elaborate speech courses.

The secret is about tapping into who you really are and becoming comfortable with yourself, even in the presence of other people. I learned this through Corissa.

Corissa Saint Laurent is an awesome professional motivational speaker and coach for the Hear Me Roar Program.

It’s an amazing online program that encourages women to use the power of their voice to enhance their life and business. Here, I get to share some principles of Corissa’s training, for free!

Imagine Your Audience Is…

I’ve heard this a million different ways.

“In order to speak better in public, imagine that your audience is a bunch of coconut trees.” “To overcome your fear, imagine that they are all naked.”

Ugh! Puh-lease…

“Love and Acceptance”

From my interview with Corissa, I realized that these are two things that we always strive to achieve and to give. We are so driven by external successes that we oftentimes forget to give these things to ourselves first.

To do this, tap into who you are. Accept who you are and love that person.

When done this way, we eliminate all insecurities and we are able to give wholeheartedly.

This made sense to me. If I am comfortable with who I am, shortcomings and all, I never have to worry about acceptance from others. I should be enough, right?

“Becoming better means going deep into your soul to find what you want and what you’re made of,” Corissa once said.

Being vulnerable and connected to who we are should always come first. This mindset allows us to be more genuine to the people we interact with. Before even getting to know who our audience should be, we have to know who we are first.

The Basics

1. Face Your Fear – Because we really need to dig deep into our souls, some people feel fear and apprehension. The idea is to acknowledge and conquer that fear in order to finally find the courage to move on and do things naturally. In terms of speaking in front of an audience, what is it that you fear? Rejection? Humiliation? Failure to deliver your speech? Judgement?

2. Changing Your Response – When we feel fear, we signal our body of impending danger or death. By telling our minds that nothing bad will happen, we will be able to take the next step. If you are afraid of speaking in public, telling yourself that it’s okay, and that rejection from your audience does not mean the end, will subconsciously help you alleviate that feeling.

In a nutshell, speaking better in public means learning how to speak to an audience without fear. Once you erase all fear, you will get a sense of relief and relaxation. And when do we tend to talk more? When we are relaxed and feeling much like ourselves. It probably won’t hurt to take a shot of whiskey or a sip of wine…just don’t tell anyone.

From Meowing To Roaring

As you have probably gleaned by now, the Hear me Roar Program Program begins with a process of self discovery. It will challenge all the ways you have been acting, thinking and feeling.

It will teach you how to connect to the heart of who you are and find your center. And from that center, you will find the freedom to express yourself.

For anyone who is interested, an exclusive course discount is revealed in my podcast episode with Corrisa: Episode 15 – Reclaim Your Roar!

It’s our very first exclusive offer and I’m so excited to be able to offer these to you!

More to come!

 

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