Sandra Kay Vosburgh's Blog, page 3

What Ever Happened to Thanksgiving?

In September, 1620, the Mayflower left Plymouth, England, with 102 passengers, most of them seeking a country where they could worship God freely and exercise their faith without government oppression and intimidation. Sixty-six days later, the ship landed near Cape Cod, Massachusetts. Due to the harsh conditions, only half of these pilgrims survived the first winter.

November, 1621, brought a much-needed harvest, wherein these pilgrims and the native American Wampanoag shared a meal and thanked God for His protection and provision. This celebration became known as the first Thanksgiving.

Taking a day to remember God’s faithfulness and goodness to the people of America has become a mere blimp on our celebratory calendar. Halloween and its exaltation of evil takes the higher honor, the greater glory. The moment our front yards are cleared of skeletons, ghosts, cobwebs, and spiders, we begin our annual commercialization of Christmas.

Perhaps the near dismissal of Thanksgiving is another sign of our numbered days, another sign that the last days are upon us. The apostle Paul gave us the ugly on what those days would look like when he wrote his second letter to Timothy:

But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come:  For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, UNTHANKFUL, unholy, unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God.

We’ve heard the saying, don’t criticize the farmer with your mouth full. Don’t bite the hand that feeds you. How much more ungrateful are we when we fail to acknowledge the One who causes the rain to fall, the sun to shine, and the ground to produce grain?

If we have food to eat November 24th, let’s be thankful for the harvest. If we are physically able to eat, let’s thank God for health. If family and friends are seated at our tables, let’s cherish our time together with hearts of gratitude. Let’s give thanks to the LORD, for He is good.

Parent Mirroring: How do your children see themselves?

“Mirror, mirror, on the wall, I’m more worthless than them all!” Some have said it. More have thought it. Many of us live it. Our self-concept is flawed.

We place ourselves before a funhouse mirror, convinced we are looking at a true reflection. We view ourselves as inferior to others. We know everyone is flawed, but we are more flawed. God loves us, but we are certain He loves others more. We live with a sense of alienation, a sense of not belonging.

Living life in front of a funhouse mirror is not fun.

How did we develop a self-image so seriously and painfully distorted?

Marriage and Family Therapist, Sandra Wilson, believes it began at a very young age. In her book, In Abba’s Arms, she expounds the concept of Parent Mirroring. She explains that a child develops its self-concept from the interaction it experiences with its parents and other important people in its life. Each attitude and action directed towards the child is part of a mosaic that will make up the picture of that child’s identity. The parents, grandparents, teachers, and peers all act as a mirror, and that mirror will determine how a child will view himself.

Many children receive positive and loving cues from the people in their life, and reflect that same image. Many others, however, experience a parent’s callous abuse, a teacher’s humiliating criticism, or painful mocking by their peers. These negatives act as projectiles, never missing their target, and damaging the child’s psyche.

Such weaponry is not barred from the Christian home. Some parents, in an effort to instill godly principles, may be unbalanced in their methods. Mark Hamby, noted Christian author and speaker on family issues, writes, “Parents who are authoritative, dominating, and controlling, always demanding more than is necessary with little or no positive acknowledgement, can indeed produce depressed children…this type of parental influence needs the intervention of a Biblical counselor. The counselor, however, is not as much for the child as for the parent.”

 If a mother is unloving and harsh, the child develops a belief that he is undeserving of love or respect. If a father is unavailable, whether by abandonment, workaholism, or neglect, the child will be convinced that he or she is not important or worthy of their father’s attention. A child who consistently experiences a parent’s criticism will believe himself or herself incapable of doing anything right or ever being good enough.

 Throughout their lives these children will expend themselves in an emotionally exhausting attempt to be perfect, believing that nothing short of perfection will earn them the right to be loved and accepted.

Every aspect of our life is affected by the image we have formed of ourselves, whether it be true or faulty. Spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and relationally, we will act and react according to the perception we hold of ourselves.

If we believe ourselves to be a failure, success will prove to us elusive. If we believe ourselves too bad for God to forgive, we will live with nagging shame. If we see ourselves unworthy of God’s love or that of another’s, we will push away the very love we need to embrace.

Can anything be done to correct the distortions? Can anyone fix us?

Jesus Christ is the way, the truth, and the life. In the Bible we will find the truth that will overcome the lies and set us free. Ephesians 4:15 tells us to speak the truth in love—even to ourselves. Our mind must be changed. Renewed. We must step away from the funhouse mirror and look into the mirror of God’s Word.

Eugenia Price, in her classic book, Woman to Woman, addressed this journey when she wrote, “This [change] does not come overnight. Developing a habit is a slow—sometimes discouragingly slow—process. But because of the way in which God created your conscious mind, it is never a hopeless process… We must not be impatient when our conscious minds are not changed as rapidly as we think they should be. After all, if we have given the control of our minds over to Jesus Christ, we can trust His timing in reforming our thought patterns.”

The concept of parent mirroring is not a one-size-fits-all. It comes with no guarantees. My purpose in this post is to ask you to stop and consider the principle. As you do, you may come to understand yourself a bit better, as well.

God’s desire is to bring healing to those wounds deep within us. But we must let Him chip away at our self-imposed defenses and allow His love to invade our hearts and minds.

If worth is measured by the price one is willing to pay, we are of infinite value. For God paid the ultimate price to redeem us. He sacrificed His Son.

One Breath at a Time

Are you overwhelmed by your circumstances?

You’ve heard the phrase “throwing in the towel.” When a boxer surrendered the match, he’d throw his towel into the ring and in essence say, “I give up. I acknowledge my defeat. I quit.” Truth be told, looking back over my life, I’m amazed there is a towel left in the cupboard when there’s such a pile in the middle of what feels like my personal boxing ring.

Perhaps everyone at some point has been tempted to yield to the enemy of discouragement. Circumstances overwhelm us. We feel like we are treading water and barely able to keep our head above the waves.  

Been there.

My advice? Breathe.

Forty-five years ago, I was twenty-three. Married, pregnant, mother to a toddler, and abandoned by my husband. Did I mention, without income? For the next thirteen years God remained the lifter of my head. One day at a time. One wave at a time. One breath at a time.

The days were hard, the waves relentless, and many times my breaths came in gasps.

In my ministry to women, I see the same struggle to keep going, to keep praying, to keep trusting, to keep breathing. Their circumstances differ, their challenges vary, but the same discouragement taunts them and threatens to pull them under, to sink them in Bunyan’s slough of despond.

When we don’t see any change, we lose hope. We lose perspective. Our focus narrows.

Voices other than God’s clamor in our head. Some come from within, from our own unbelief in the goodness and wisdom of our loving Father. Some voices come from without, from other people’s opinions. These, too, can leave us shipwrecked, wavering in our commitment to trust God to work on our behalf.

At those moments we must refocus. Stand on the truth of God’s word. “For we walk by faith and not by sight” (2 Corinthians 5:7). We will be swallowed up by waves of despair living at “see” level. We must keep our eyes on Him who is invisible.

To walk by faith is not holding onto wishful thoughts or clinging to uncertain hope. Nor is our faith to be in ourselves to overcome. Or in others to change. Our faith is in Christ alone. The all-sufficient One. The ever-present One.

He knows. Trust Him.

One day at a time, one wave at a time, one breath at a time.

50 Shades of Bullies

Like the array of foundations at a cosmetic counter, bullies come in every shade. From the ranting activist threatening your life to the demure sweet-talker coercing you to give out your personal information.

We all recognize the punk, but we may not recognize the soft-boiled bully.

This week, I went to a bank I had no previous relationship with to open a checking account. The young woman serving me immediately asked where I currently bank. I asked why she needed to know that.

“Well,” she said, “we like to know why you are changing banks.”

“I’m not changing banks,” I said. “I’m merely opening a new account.”

“What type of accounts do you currently have?” she asked.

“Why do you need to know that?”

“So I can choose the best account for you.”

“You tell me what checking accounts you offer,” I said politely, “and I will choose the best account for me.” The bank employee shifted into professional yet friendly mode and we were able to get the task accomplished.

As I thought about the experience, I realized the woman had been subtly bullying me for personal, private information. How many people would have answered her questions without hesitancy? Are we so used to their tactics that we no longer recognize a bully when we meet one?

The bold shades are the activist employees who breed chaos, dissension, and hostility in the workplace. Using threats and intimidation, they demand the company as a whole take political sides. Praise God, some CEOs have had enough and are showing these bullies the door.

Bullies are not only among the workforce, they are in the boardroom. Employers threaten you with the loss of your job if you don’t comply with their overreaching demands, even if to do so would violate your conscience.  O Bullyboy, the profits, the profits are falling …

Daniel Schmidt, a student at the University of Chicago, knows what it’s like to be bullied. According to his article “Welcome to the Elite,” he was told he couldn’t participate in a debate tournament because he was white. He also tells how the students, although no longer required to wear masks, were told by one professor that they should. The entire class—except for Daniel (kudos, Daniel)—like lemmings, put on a mask and bowed to the bully (my words, not his). He closes his piece with this line, “If you’re one of the unfortunate ones with less melanin, you need to participate in diversity training that makes you despise yourself for being born with the wrong skin color.”

Corporations, universities, and even the Supreme Court has faced down their bullies. Lawless protestors harass them and even threaten their lives, their family, and their property. What would you do if a mob rioted constantly outside your house and promised to harm your family? No wonder this same mob wants to strip the populace of their right to bear arms. I’d carry, wouldn’t you?

A more subtle shade may be in our home. A two-year-old throwing a temper tantrum, a teenager’s rebellion, a spouse’s manipulation, these are all forms of bullying. They are bullies using intimidation tactics to get their own way.  We can deal with the toddler wanting a cookie before lunch, and the teenager wanting to stay out later, and the alcoholic spouse ranting for more beer, or we can address the real issue—the bully in the house.

And what about the nurse or dental assistant bullying you for information, asking unrelated personal questions? Like this one I was asked by a nurse, “Do you have a gun in the house?” I wanted to inform her my gun was not currently in my house, but I knew security would be called. Seriously, nurse, can you just check my blood pressure?

So, how do we deal with a bully? I’ll give you three C’s to make it easy to remember.

Be confident. Don’t cower. In quietness and in confidence shall be your strength (Isaiah 30:15). Bullies prey on those they perceive as weak. In Christ we are more than conquerors so be strong in the Lord.

Be courteous. In the home and in the workplace. Everywhere. A soft answer turns away wrath but a harsh word stirs up anger (Proverbs 15:1). Never do anything you will have to apologize for, and never say anything you wouldn’t want replayed in a court of law. Remember, meekness is not weakness but strength under control.

Be consistent. Do not give in to the bully one day and then try to stand up to him/her the next. James 1:8 says, “A doubleminded person is unstable in all their ways.” Stay planted firmly in the soil of your convictions every day. Every time.

Finally, if you believe it would be rude not to comply with a bully, it is because you are being bullied into believing you would be rude.

Forgive Yourself

Total Forgiveness

I wondered over Jesus’ statement, “… if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” I’m already forgiven through faith in His death on the cross, his sacrifice for my sins. Even the apostle John wrote that if we confess our sins, God is faithful to forgive our sins (I John 1:9). But here, forgiveness is conditional.

After reading Total Forgiveness by R. T. Kendall, I’ve come away with a better understanding. Simply put, our Father will not overlook our failure to forgive. God’s forgiveness is freely received, yet provided at great cost. The Holy Spirit is grieved over our lack of appreciation, evidenced by our refusal to freely give this same forgiveness.

And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice (Ephesians 4:30-31, NIV). 

Bitterness acts as a dam, hindering the flow of fellowship with the Father, holding back the streams of peace and joy.  

Forgiving Yourself

The struggle to forgive others is constant, but the greater struggle may be to forgive ourselves. Much of the resentment we hold is rooted in our own failures, whether real or supposed. We regret our decisions, ache over our failures, resent our limitations, and may even blame ourselves for the negative actions of those we love.

But total forgiveness includes forgiving ourselves.

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you (Ephesians 4:32, NIV).

God wills for us to extend kindness and compassion to those who have hurt us, and He desires that we extend this same forgiveness to ourselves. Only then will the blessedness of fellowship with the Father freely flow through our lives.  

Be a Cheerleader

“Go. Fight. Win.” I can still hear myself yelling at the “boys” on the basketball court.  

Yeah, it’s hard to believe, but I was once a high school cheerleader. (That sounded like a confession).  A recent text message from our senior class president reminded me … it’s been fifty years. I can still yell, but my moves are slower and my jumps are much closer to the floor.  

When I think of cheerleaders now, I don’t think of young ladies in team uniforms yelling out mascot letters to a crowd of fans. I think of the men and women throughout the course of my life who, by their encouragement and affirmation, convinced me to stay in the game, to trust God and follow His leading, to obey His word regardless of the cost, regardless of the sacrifice. These are the cheerleaders we must have in our lives, and these are the cheerleaders we must be.  

Our son—he never reads my blog so it’s okay to write about him—is a medical doctor. A radiologist.  His dad and I were his cheerleaders for fifteen years. Four years for a BS. Two years for a MS. Four years for the MD. Four years of residency. One year of fellowship. We yelled, “Go. Fight. Win,” so long we went hoarse. But he did.

Ezra 6:14 tells us “… the elders of the Jews continued to build and prosper under the preaching of Haggai the prophet…”  We all need Haggais in our life, those who will speak the words of God to us. But just as important, we need to be a Haggai to those who are growing weary in the fight. Don’t just stand on the sidelines, give a yell out. Cheer them on … until they win.

Reject Rejection

I recently came across this quote, “Rejection does not mean you aren’t good enough. It means the other person failed to notice what you have to offer.” That may be, but when we feel the spear of rejection, platitudes give no comfort. Snappy quotes do not sooth the burn or stop the sting. So how do we respond? Let’s look at our example.

The message of that quote cannot be said of anyone more than it can be said of Jesus Christ. The prophet Isaiah wrote, “He was despised and rejected . . .” He felt keenly the scorn and contempt of those who raged against him. Yet, His prayer from the cross was, “Father, forgive them.” He willingly submitted to His Father’s plan and focused on future glory. Jesus knew there was a greater purpose in His suffering. He understood the rejection to be part of the unfolding of God’s magnificent story of redemption.

To recognize that even rejection is part of God’s plan will restore our courage. Through the healing power of forgiveness and a Savior-centered focus, peace can be restored to our wounded hearts. Joy can return to us when we understand He has a higher purpose in all that touches our lives. He not only sees the end, He is writing the script and unfolding for each of us our own redemptive story.   

Gifts of Meaning

When I was very young my father gave each of us four children $5 and took us Christmas shopping at the Five and Dime. With $5 and five people to buy for I could spend an entire dollar on each gift. I walked all around the store and found a fascinating little container that I thought my mother could use for just about anything. I bought it and wrapped it and placed it under the tree. On Christmas morning my older brothers laughed and mocked my gift when Mother unwrapped her present, a brand new . . . denture cup.

Over the years I’ve tried to give gifts with more meaning. Consider the gifts of the Magi.

Matthew 2:10-11 10 When the [wisemen] saw the star, they were overjoyed. 11 On coming to the house, they saw the child [Jesus] with his mother Mary, and they bowed down and worshiped Him. Then they opened their treasures and presented him with gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh. 

The gold signified Christ as the long-awaited King, the King of Kings who would one day rule the nations.

Frankincense spoke of Christ as our great high priest who has entered the Holy of Holies and makes intercession for His people before the Father.  

Myrrh refers to Christ as Savior. This bitter resin, used chiefly in embalming, signified the purpose for which this child had been born. If we look closely, we will see the shadow of the cross cast over the baby in the manger.

Just as we hope our loved ones will respond with gratitude and joy at the gifts we give, may we too respond with gratitude and joy for the most meaningful gift of all, God’s gift to us of a savior, Jesus Christ.

Be Not Overcome

Words have power. Whether spoken or written, words can change our minds and change our lives. Occasionally I come across a book that makes an impact. At a recent library book sale, I picked up Telling Yourself the Truth by William Backus and Marie Chapian.  

I strive to be honest with people. I don’t purposely mislead or knowingly give false information. Yet, I often find myself telling myself lies about myself.  And worse, I believe the lies. The lies are not telling me what a wonderful, smart, funny, and gorgeous—for my age, of course—person I am. Quite the opposite.

Apparently, I’m not the only person listening to the lies in their head. The publishers boast “over 750,000 copies sold” of this book with the subtitle: Find Your Way Out of Depression, Anxiety, Fear, Anger, and Other Common Problems by Applying the Principles of Misbelief Therapy.  Wow. Long, but effective. Who can’t relate to something on that list?

Misbelief Therapy advises us to replace every negative thought with a positive statement. I found the practice to be very effective, but soon realized misbelief therapy is really belief therapy. The principles reflected Scripture. For example, I was merely “putting on the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness” (Isaiah 61:3). “Be not overcome by evil, but overcome evil by good” (Romans 12:21).

If you are not one of the 750,000 people practicing misbelief therapy and want to save a few dollars, I recommend belief therapy. It will change your mind and change your life.

Be Covered

In the Genesis record, Adam and Eve ate fruit from the forbidden tree. Their eyes were immediately opened to the fact that they are naked. So, they made aprons of fig leaves and hid behind the trees.

Why did they feel the need to make aprons, the need to cover up their offense? Adam answered that question when he said to God, “I was afraid because I was naked, and I hid myself.”

The tree was the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. They wanted the good. Eve saw that the fruit was pleasant to the eyes and held the potential to make her wise, but they had not considered the evil. They hadn’t thought through the consequences.

So often, like our first parents, we focus on the immediate pleasure and give little thought to the consequences of our disobedience to God’s Word. We can choose our sin, but we cannot choose the consequences. Consequences that so often leave us fearful, ashamed, and wanting to hide.

God saw the inadequacy of man’s attempt to deal with sin. They needed a better covering. So, into the perfect environment, death entered. God covered them with animal skins.   

Hebrews 9:22 says, “Without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness of sin.” Only the blood of the innocent can cover the sin of the guilty. Hebrews 9:26 tells us Jesus Christ put away sin by the sacrifice of Himself.

I encourage you today to step out from behind the trees, to set aside your fig-leaf apron. Confess your rejection of God’s loving authority and allow Him to wrap you in His forgiveness. Let Him be the shield you hide behind.

Isaiah 61:10 – I will rejoice greatly in the LORD, my soul will exult in my God. For He has clothed me with garments of salvation. He has covered me with a robe of righteousness.