Sonee Singh's Blog, page 4

The Importance of Visibility

I’ve had a YouTube Channel for a few months now, but I haven’t promoted it. I have very few subscribers, although I didn’t know how even those people came to me.

I have uploaded shorts with my poetry reading as well as other videos on the subject of writing.

I did this to increase my visibility. It scares me, but I know I need to do it. I need to put myself “out there,” and I need to become more comfortable with being seen. As an author, this is necessary. But, this isn’t the first time that I have worked on my “visibility.” I’ve been on this journey for a few years, and every time I have challenged myself, I have gained confidence.

The first time I challenged myself to become more visible about my writing was on August 14, 2019.  I participated in a Visibility Challenge on a Facebook Live. The only people who knew about it were those who were on the challenge with me. It was the first time in my life I was putting myself out on any kind of video. I was supposed to talk about my writing, yet it was almost a year before I would publish any poetry online and two years before my first book would be published.

I woke up early to prepare, but nothing I did reduced my nerves. I had scheduled the FB live session for 9 am. As the time grew nearer, I got even more and more nervous, but I had no choice. I had to go with it.

I started the session well. I was animated and engaged. I shared my story without having to refer to the notes I’d prepared. I did have to wipe away the sweat beads that accumulated on my upper lip and I completed the FB live with a tissue waded up in my fist. However, I didn’t realize it until I viewed the playback.

When I got to the point in my story where I shared how I felt when I completed the first draft of my book, Lonely Dove, I started to tear. I tried to compose myself but the emotion swallowed me whole. I couldn’t stop the tears from flowing. I cried whenever I practiced the session and I thought I had squeezed out all the tears, but there was something quite powerful about stating my accomplishment to an audience instead of the four walls of my apartment.

I managed to get through the rest of the content, and closed by asking the group to think about what they may have not done because others discouraged them. I wanted to also share information about my book, provide a summary or introduction. But I couldn’t. Instead, I finished by staying, “I am a writer.”

Later I got feedback that it was a powerful finish. I am a writer. I write every single day. I have for years. Back then, I had just begun doing it more openly, and had started to tell others, instead of keeping my hobby private. Now, it is my profession.

Back then, I felt guilty and embarrassed because I cried. When I finished the Facebook live, my first impulse was to apologize for crying, and I did. Then I rationalized that at least I’d done it in private and only four other people witnessed it.

I realize it was a good exercise for me. I showed emotion—something I don’t to readily. Most importantly, I showed my vulnerability, which is harder still. I also was open about what is important to me and what I feel passionate about.

This visibility challenge was led by marketing specialist, Nailia Minnebaeva, and she said that becoming visible is a way to embody holding space for yourself. The aim is to bring more awareness to your space and the energy you are holding, where you cycle attention between you and your story and your audience. According to Nailia, the purpose of doing visibility challenges are to:

Get comfortable with people seeing you

Get comfortable sharing your brand promise

Get comfortable asking people to be a part of your community

Highlight your problem/pain and link to your solution/action

Looking back, I think it was beautiful. It is a big thing for me to admit that I feel strongly about something and to cry openly. I am known for going with the flow, being adaptable, having a positive outlook, smiling, and being even-keeled and calm. Outside of that, I rarely show emotion. It’s not that I don’t feel it. I don’t show it. Some have even labeled me as emotionally unavailable. Only those who know me deeply or well, experience my full range of emotions.

To cry was an accomplishment. To cry and overcome the guilt and shame associated was an even bigger accomplishment.

Since August, 2019, I have done other types of challenges to increase my visibility, including posting my poetry online, speaking in front of a crowd about my writing journey, reading poetry in front of an audience, recording myself reading my poetry, and so much more. The latest effort has been putting together my YouTube channel.

I didn’t cry when putting together the videos that I uploaded on YouTube, even though, in parts, I spoke about the same subjects that made me cry on my first visibility challenge. It turns out that I have processed the emotions I needed to release. It has been a process, but I feel more confident now.

I invite you to follow and subscribe to my YouTube Channel and become a part of my community: https://www.youtube.com/@soneesinghauthor

Explaining Chakras

At around this time three years ago, I began writing poetry. I was so inspired to write that in a short time, I compiled over one hundred poems.

Most of these related to how I was feeling in my body and eventually, I realized that these poems had a theme: chakras.

Many of these have been published in my first poetry book, Embody. They reflect a journey through the chakras, which are energetic centers in the body that have physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual effects on us. I only focus on seven chakras, although there are a few others that are above and below us. Here is a simplified explanation of each:

First chakra, the root or Muladhara, sits at the base of the spine. It deals with all that is material, stability, and helps us feel grounded.

Second chakra, the sacral or Svadhisthana, is located in the lower abdomen. It deals with reproduction, connections with others, and creativity.

Third chakra, the solar plexus or Manipura, is located in the middle of the belly. It deals with will power, confidence, and a sense of worth.

Fourth chakra, the heart or Anahata, is located at heart center. It deals with love, compassion, and connection.

Fifth chakra, the throat or Vishuddha, is located on the throat. It deals with communication, expressing yourself, and creative expression.

Sixth chakra, the third eye or Ajna, is located on the forehead. It deals with seeing, intuition, and our inner knowing.

The seventh chakra, the crown or Sahasrara, is located on the top of the head. It deals with spirituality, our connection to the universe, and wisdom.

To understand them in a different way, I’m going to share the poem I included in the introduction of the book. It says:

CHAKRAS

Energetic wheels of life

Vortex spiraling through the eye of our being

A seed delivered into human experience

Our purpose to grow and expand

Roots seeping deep into the soil

Canopy reaching high into the sky

Kundalini life-force surging in between

First, Muladhara, root

Anchor, ground, secure, safe, stable, support, physical

Second, Svadhisthana, sacral

Create, procreate, relate, emote, trust, flow, manifest

Third, Manipura, solar plexus

Focus, willpower, drive, intention, confidence, life-force, inner light

Fourth, Anahata, heart

Give love, receive love, self-love, connect, compassion, service, altruism

Fifth, Vishuddha, throat

Communicate, express, voice, creativity, truth, openness, purity

Sixth, Ajna, third eye

Intuition, knowing, inner guidance, perception, imagination, sight, inspiration

Seventh, Sahasrara, crown

Spiritual connection, higher consciousness, wisdom, divine, faith, presence, bliss

My poems explore how I have experienced life through the lens of chakras in my body. Many of them are about how I have interpreted snapshots in my life journey.

If you wish to further explore the topic of chakras, here are some other articles I have written that may be beneficial:

“How Chakras Can Improve Your Health”

“Why Balanced Chakras Are the Key to Vitality”

What is a Soulmate, Really?

Soulmates are at the heart of my novel, Lonely Dove. The protagonist, Anji, is in search of her soulmate, and in the process discovers her twin flame.

But, what exactly is a soulmate? Or a twin flame?

Let me start by defining soulmates, the topic of which is vast. I attempted to define this in the book, in a couple of places. In the first one, Margarita, who becomes Anji’s spiritual guide, explains to Anji the following:

“There are many types of soulmates, my dear. Some are romantic and others not. Soulmates are people we have deep connections with.” p 51

To simplify, a soulmate is anyone who comes into our lives, romantic or not, who makes us feel seen and understood. Soulmates help us view ourselves and our lives in a deeper way. They can be a lover or partner, but also a parent, a friend, or a pet. Later on, Sophie, Anji’s best friend says:

“A soulmate is someone you share love and respect with, and someone you can be authentic with, showing all aspects of yourself—even the ones you are not proud of.” p 188

Some soulmates are lifelong; some are temporary and come for small “lessons;” others are from previous lives; and there are even soulmates who do not bring about positive experiences. Sometimes impactful negative experiences are the result of soulmates who push us to expand or evolve in a way we need to but is difficult for us.

Twin flames are a particular type of soulmate, and there is a lot of controversy about them, but in essence, twin flames are two souls who are deeply connected because they see or understand each other in a way that makes them feel that they belong or that they are “home.” In Lonely Dove, Anji herself, tries to explain twin flames to someone. This is what she says:

“When I am with you, every empty space of my soul is complete, like I’ve suddenly found the missing pieces of the puzzle, making me whole. You must think that’s why they say that our romantic partners are our other halves. But that is far from the truth. Our twin flames don’t “complete us.” We are whole and complete on our own. But we feel whole because, when we are with our twin, we are our authentic selves and speak our truth. We recognize our perfection as they recognize their own. We recognize their perfection as they recognize ours. We feel at peace. We belong. We are home.” p 262

As I said, the topic of soulmates and twin flames is vast, but can be explored further by acknowledging how you feel in your heart about the person (or pet) you are considering as your soulmate or twin flame.

How Difficult Times Have Helped My Writing

I had wanted to write a novel for most of my life, but for many years, I didn’t have the courage to do it. After a serious illness in 2017, I finally decided it was time.

Once I allowed myself to be myself, it opened up a portal I couldn’t turn back from. I grew into myself and I discovered who I truly was.

That's why a lot of my writing is about self-discovery and giving ourselves permission to be who we truly are. I draw from my personal journey and my self-acceptance and put it into my characters in novels. They don’t have the same journey I have, but the journey of self-awareness and self-discovery is a universal one, and one that I translate into my writing.

When it comes to fiction, I am a pantser, which means that I start writing without knowing where the story will go. It’s not the same when I write non-fiction. When I accepted that I had a novel in me that needed to come out, I began one story, and eventually realized it wasn’t the one that was calling to me to complete. I started a second one and the same thing happened.

At the beginning of 2018, I started a third one which turned out to be Lonely Dove, and when I started writing that story, I knew it was it—it would be my first novel. I used a love story and an obsession with finding a soulmate to showcase my protagonist’s journey of self-discovery and self-love, and having just awakened to my own journey of honoring myself, I felt this was the best story to start with.

I also write poetry, and I started doing that in 2020 during the Covid-related lockdowns. It happened unexpectedly, although I had already developed a habit of writing on a daily basis. By then, writing for me was an emotional, mental and spiritual practice. I write my stream of consciousness, and this practice intensified during the lockdowns. I would sit down every morning and free-flow write without judgment. Whatever came into my head went on the page, and it was a way to release my thoughts and feelings, and express my spirituality.

When Covid first hit, I was living by myself and in the eeriness of not being able to see people, not wanting to leave your apartment or not being able to leave your apartment, writing became a real outlet for me.

I started writing and realized that what appeared on the page sounded lyrical. I would read what I wrote and think  to myself that what I wrote sounded like a poem. I had not written poetry before and I had not intended to write poetry, so it seemed odd to me but when I separated the phrases into stanzas, I couldn’t deny that it was a poem.

Once I accepted that I was writing poetry, it just started to flow, and then I couldn’t stop. I started writing poetry in March of 2020 and by november I had something like 150 poems. I didn't know where the inspiration came from but it hasn’t ended. I continue to write poems, as I continue to write novels.

Through this all, I have discovered that I have a different process for writing novels than for writing poetry. Writing poetry is very different for me, not only because it portrays a snapshot or a moment, versus a novel that conveys an entire journey, but also because poetry is personal for me. I convey my thoughts, feelings, and perspectives. In writing a novel, I do that for my characters, and even though I can’t remove my influence, it isn’t me.

Another big distinction is that I am only able to write poetry when I am inspired to do so. I haven’t been able to sit down and say to myself, “okay I’m going to write a poem.” I get a calling to write poetry at all times of the day and in all sorts of places and circumstances, and I capture them by pen on paper. When I edit them, I type them up, but the first version, I always write by hand. When I write novels, I dedicate specific time to it. I can and do decide I am going to write for a certain amount of time, and I sit in front of my laptop and write. I can’t do that with poetry. I also rarely write anything by hand for my novels.

From all of this I can say that writing is different for each of us. It’s important to discover what works for you, and to honor that process.

I Write Literary Fiction…But What Is It?

At the heart of any type of fiction is storytelling. People love stories, they have since the beginning of time. Stories were recorded when we developed the ability to communicate.

Stories are captivating because we love to find ourselves in them, discover something we find relatable, and identify with something that makes us feel less alone, and more human.

I write literary fiction, but I often get asked what that means. Fiction comes in many genres, and there are particular characteristics to each type. Literary Fiction is a broad genre that includes anything that isn’t crime, fantasy, romance, horror, or science fiction. It tends to be more character-driven than plot-driven in that the focus of the writing is the protagonist’s journey rather than the sequence of events.

A character-driven plot means that the purpose is to create characters that are unexpected or unusual. Literary fiction usually works under the assumption that life isn’t always fair, that happiness is not something that is taken for granted, and that human life is mortal and ambiguous. Events are important, but not as crucial to the story line as in other types of fiction.

The most important element to any type of writing is the story. According to the book Writing Fiction; A Guide to Narrative Craft by Janet Burroway, “A story is a series of events recorded in their chronological order” (p. 142). She says that stories have characters, themes, setting, and incidents or events but they may or may not have significance.

Story is different from plot, and plot is what is essential to most types of fiction. Plot, according to Burroway, “is a series of events deliberately arranged so as to reveal their dramatic, thematic, and emotional significance” (p. 142). The events are organized in a way that is meaningful and purposeful, and the focus is on the “what, how, and why, with scenes ordered to highlight the workings of cause and effect” (p. 142).

When it is a character-driven plot, what takes precedence is the protagonist’s personal development or growth. This is the case with Lonely Dove where the purpose of the story is to showcase Anji, the protagonist, and her journey of self-discovery.

When I write, in the first draft, I write without care or concern over plot. I write to get the story out of me, and yes, sometimes, the series of events don’t have rhyme or reason. I am more focused on what is happening to the character internally. Who are they when the story starts? How do they progress? How have they changed at the end of the story?

When I edit, I ensure that I focus on the plot. I evaluate each scene to determine its purpose and to decide whether or not to keep it. If I do keep it, I then decide the order in which it has to appear to ensure that the story has value and meaning, to ensure that the plot makes sense.

The plot for Lonely Dove, was the result of a lot of rounds of edits and rewrites. The first time I wrote the novel, I wrote it as a letter from Anji to her soulmate where she started in the present day and flashed back to her childhood and then told her story in sequential order. In this way, I found it hard to portray how Anji evolved.

I thought it would be more effective if she was able to relay how she made sense of the past as an adult, and that it would work better if she were able to go back and forth between the past and the present to show how she had grown and matured. This seemed more realistic because as we go through life, we don’t often understand what the past means until we are later in life, looking back.

Then I felt that the letter narrative didn’t read well for a reader, so I rewrote the story in third person, as it is now. I felt it was easier to get a more objective view of Anji’s life in that way. I then mapped the relationships and the learning that Anji had from each, and reorganized them in a way that best showcased her evolution.

I found this was the most effective means for my storytelling. I wanted my readers to be captivated by Anji and her journey, and maybe find themself in her, discover something they could relate to, and perhaps feel less alone.

The Benefits of Writing

As I reflect upon this past year, I have realized that I have learned a lot about writing in the recent past. The more I write, the more confidence I gain as a writer.

I enjoy writing fiction because it allows me to explore the unfamiliar. I write characters unlike myself and I have them participate in activities I would not normally engage in. I also discover skills in my writing that I didn’t know were in me.

It has taken me a while to learn how to write strong characters that are compelling. I used to think that it was enough to write about someone who was broken, who was struggling with self-love or self-worth or have a sense of victimhood. While they may have aspects of these qualities, this isn’t all they can be.

What I have had to learn, is that the characters still need to be active and passionate about something. They definitely need to be faulted in some way, but not broken, and if they are broken, they need to figure out a way to stand up, grow and develop. No one likes wimpy characters.

Fiction also allows me to explore the familiar. I write about traits within me or people I know, I give my characters my hobbies and interests, and I place them in settings I have visited. I give a voice to the experiences in my life under the cover of made-up scenes. I also write poetry, which offers a deeper exploration of my personal experiences and views.

Writing about our experiences also forces us to look within. This can lead us to recall the positive and joyful moments, but anytime we peer into the recesses of our past, we also run the risk of finding buried hurts, shunned memories, or dulled pain. It exposes that which we never intended to see the light. It exposes what we have lived through and what we have survived.

There is a benefit in that. It allows us to accept what happened to us–good and bad. We can’t change our history. But we don’t have to hold on to it. Accepting the past helps us heal. It helps us release. It allows us to let go of the experience, let go of the what it holds within us, and let go of the emotions that we attached to it. In bringing it to light, it ceases to fester, diminishing its significance.

I often feel exposed when I share my writing with others. It doesn’t matter how much experience I gain, that is still something I face every time I publish something. It’s natural to feel vulnerable. When we share our stories, we open ourselves to criticism.

It shouldn’t matter what other people think. After all, writing is something we do for ourselves. Still, we need to get over the fear of judgment and that takes courage. In turn, that can be freeing and empowering.

It is not about exposing ourselves. It is about unburdening. It is about the catharsis. And that has another consequence. Sharing is authentic. Sharing brings a voice to our experiences and it makes our writing unique. It makes us relatable. It also allows us feel lighter. At least it has done for me. When I share my stories and poems, I feel oddly liberated. It opens up something for me–a sense of ease unlike any other, motivating me to do more.

The end of the year is a prime time for reflection, and I encourage everyone to be open to writing and share their stories and experiences. It may result in a pleasant surprise.

How NaNoWriMo Has Benefited Me

We are coming toward the end of NaNoWriMo, short for National Novel Writing Month.

It normally happens in November, but there are other versions that are hosted throughout the year. The idea is to write at least 1,667 words a day so that at the end of the month, a writer would have 50,000 words, which could be a  complete or partial novel.

Although it was created for novel writing, people who sign up can complete any type of writing project, not just novels. Also, they don’t have to write a new project. They can also edit a manuscript they are working on, and the same concept applies. By editing at least 1,667 words per day, they would have edited at least 50,000 words by the end of the month.

I have done both. The first time I signed up for NaNoWriMo, which was in November of 2020, I finished the first draft of a book that I still haven’t completed. The tentative title is The Tarot Life. Other writing priorities have gotten in the way, so I have “parked” the project, but I will come back to it later.

The second time I participated in NaNoWriMo was during the “camp” version that happens in April, and I did it in 2021. I edited the novel that I just published, Lonely Dove.

This year, I have a partially written manuscript. I am tentatively calling the book, The Box, but I am not too hot on the title. It’s a holding title because the story starts when the protagonist, Naina, has a box delivered outside of her apartment and she doesn’t know who sent the box to her. That incident creates changes in her safe and quiet life. At the start of NaNoWriMo, I had 30,565 words, and by now, I have over 67,000 words.

I have been able to keep up with at l,667 words per day. On some days I write more and on other days I do the absolute minimum. But on average I have kept up with the expected pace and that keeps me feeling motivated. It has been a great opportunity to keep myself on track and continue writing.

According to Writer’s Digest article “Expectations Versus Reality: 10 Truths You Should Know About NaNoWriMo” written by Grant Faulkner, three million writers have participated in NaNoWriMo over the past twenty years. The camp version occurs every April and July, but really, you can participate in NaNoWriMo at any time of the year because there are always activities happening on the platform.

I know I am not alone because I have a few other writing friends who are doing NaNoWriMo, and it has been motivating and inspirational to see their updates and progress. Writing is a solitary endeavor and it helps me feel connected to know that others are writing alongside me.

If you have it in you to write a book, any type of book, I encourage you to participate.

Two Stories with Uncanny Similarities

One is a memoir, and the other is a novel.

I recently read Lisa Benson’s debut memoir,

Where Have I Been All My Life?, and was struck with the similarities between the story Lisa portrayed in her book and the one I described for my protagonist, Anji, in my debut novel, Lonely Dove.

Where Have I Been All My Life? is so good, I read it in one day. Lisa opened the book with a heart-felt intention for us to resonate with her story and “feel less alone,” and she delivered it beautifully. Lisa expertly drew from different moments of her life to illustrate the lessons she learned along the way. She started with what already seemed like a big “issue,” and slowly peeled the layers to show deeper “issues” and thus deeper insights.

My heart went out to Lisa as she described facing the people in her life who contributed to making her feel less than or not enough. There were so many times I cringed and wanted to punch people in the face. I was so happy for the many other moments I was able to cheer alongside Lisa as she uncovered more truth and wisdom, and shed more burden.

It’s clear, from this memoir, that we are a result of the accumulation of our experiences. Lisa shared how she accumulated these nuggets of wisdom, and how she learned to trust herself, her inner guidance, and reclaim her life.

The similarities between Lisa’s book and mine are at times, uncanny. Reading Lisa’s story sent shivers through me. There are a countless amount of parallels in both stories: failed relationships, abusive relationships, twin flames, a parent moving the stick on what it means to be a grown-up (for Lisa) or to have a boyfriend (for Anji), the role that spirituality plays in life, and so much more. Ultimately, both books are stories of self-development and self-discovery.

Lisa took us on a journey of how she reclaimed herself, her beauty, her purpose, and her being. Her book is inspirational and motivational. I rooted for Lisa as she shared her experiences. In sharing her story, she shares a deep perspective that can help anyone transform their life. Now, I am inspired to do the same for myself, and shed those final bits of me that have been holding me back.

I invite you to get a copy of Lisa’s book, Where Have I Been All My Life?.

And, to get a copy of my book, Lonely Dove.

My Journey with Lonely Dove

I embarked on a writer’sjourney over four years ago when I started writing the first draft of my novel, Lonely Dove.

The book is about a woman who receives visions that send her on a hunt for her soulmate. Through the search, she finds herself confronting many of her past relationships. More than a love story, it is a journey of self-discovery and self-development, as the protagonist learns profound life lessons. The book is peppered with spiritual information and esoteric elements, that speak of our connection with each other and with the universe.

I wrote the first draft of the novel in January 2018, and I did it simply to know if I had it in me to write a novel. I completed the second draft the following year, adding flesh and meat to my original skeleton. I worked on several other drafts…so many that I lost count.

I also worked with a writing coach and at least three editors before I came to a version that I was comfortable showing to others, and that a publisher was interested in. The novel is being published through Koehler Books on September 27, 2022.

As the drafts of Lonely Dove evolved, I realized it was important to speak about culture, and in particular, the immigrant story. Anji, the protagonist, is of Indian origin, yet she was born in Colombia, and resides in New York City.

Her background roughly reflects mine, although in different ways, as I was born in Mexico, raised in Colombia. I spent a lot of time in New York but only lived there for one year, and that was after college. I have lived in the United States for many years but I moved around a lot—I have moved to a new city every two to five years. I also travel extensively, living out of a suitcase for weeks or months at a time.

Because of this, I found that it was important to weave in a multi-cultural aspect into Lonely Dove, as Anji’s journey reflects the stories of so many people who have migrated to other countries and face challenges and opportunities as they navigate defining their identity, maintaining cultural traditions, and embracing new ones.

This aspect of the story was celebrated by the 2022 American Fiction Awards who made Lonely Dove a finalist for Multicultural Fiction.

Give Lonely Dove a chance. It is a unique story that will capture your heart.

Lonely Dove vs Lonesome Dove

As part of the publishing process of my upcoming novel, Lonely Dove,

I was asked how similar the content was to Larry McMurtry’s Lonesome Dove, which was published in the 1980s and gained much popularity, particularly after it was adapted as a series. In fact, the four books of the Lonesome Dove series were eventually adapted for the screen.

I don’t normally read Westerns, so this was a bit of a stretch for me. It is likely that the four books in these series: Lonesome Dove, Streets of Laredo, Dead Man’s Walk, and Comanche Moon, are the only Western genre books I will ever read. The violence, cruelty, and brutality often portrayed isn’t my style, nor is the prevalence for women to be depicted as weak or as whores, and Native Americans and Mexicans as villains.

Still, I enjoyed reading the series, and it was reassuring to know that Lonesome Dove, has nothing to do with my upcoming novel, Lonely Dove. My book is about Anjali, Anji, Sharma is a single 41-year old Colombian-born woman of Indian descent, living in New York City. Anji gets a vision while she is sitting on a boulder in Central Park that shows her she has a soulmate, and she goes into a tailspin to discover who it is.

Lonesome Dove is about Texas Rangers, Gus and Call, as well as the several people who come in contact with them or work with them. The book is titled after a town in Texas called Lonesome Dove. The story begins there and follows the characters as they journey to Montana. The Streets of Laredo details what happens after, and Dead Man’s Walk and Comanche Moon tell of what occurs before.

Despite not being into the subject matter, I was surprisingly engrossed, although I shouldn’t have been given that Lonesome Dove won the Pulitzer. McMurtry’s writing is incredible and the characters are interesting. I was invested in the story and I wanted to find out how they would all end up.

But, I can guarantee you that none of McMurtry’s books are about soulmates and the search for their soulmate. Rather, they detail the hardships of life in the 1800s. They have nothing to do with Lonely Dove, but definitely worth the read if you’re into Westerns—or curious about them.