Shane Bolks's Blog, page 3

When It’s Cold Out, Special Memories Can Warm You

It’s a BRRRRRRRRRR kind of day here in typically sunny Florida.

Okay, so I know there are people snowed in up north. Kids are off from school. Some offices and businesses are closed. Folks are already skiing or sledding or building snowmen.



But down here in the Sunshine State—land of sandy beaches, waves lapping the shore, seagulls drifting on the wind—winter jackets don’t make it out of the closet too often.



So, when I say it’s a “bitter 41 degrees” outside this morning, that bitterness is relative. I’ve got friends in the northeast corner of the US who’d love it to be 41 where they live as they bundle up and head out the door. Another friend lives in New Mexico and she’s posting pics of her snow-covered house doing a darn fine impression of a scene on the front of a Christmas card. I got shivers just looking at her post.



But while this Florida girl isn’t too keen on living in a snowy, icy, bone-chilling place, I do think it’s fun to play in the snow. And I wouldn’t mind spending a day on the ski slopes, then heading back to a warm cozy lodge for hot chocolate and a blazing fire in the fireplace. I’ve been known to plop down on the snow and make a snow angel or two. And my family has risen to the challenge when our neighbors pounded our door with snowballs—a definite call to arms initiating an intense, laughter-filled snowball fight in our front yards.



With Thanksgiving around the corner and December holidays not far behind, my nesting instinct starts kicking into high gear. Baking, gift buying, gift wrapping, family get-togethers, gingerbread house building, carol singing, mugs of hot chocolate, old memories shared, new memories made.

Can you tell I’m a big fan of the holiday season? Not because of the shopping and present buying, though I do love to gift giving and bringing a smile to someone’s face. But because it’s a time for families and friends to spend quality time together. A time for fun, frolic and smiles.



I won’t ask about December holiday traditions—that’s an entire blog for later—but instead, I’d like to know what’s the one thing you’re looking forward to the most during the Thanksgiving holiday?

In this high tech world of social media and tweets and Snapchats and Instagrams and all the other apps I’m not cool enough to have heard about yet, there’s still nothing that can beat the feel of two hands held together in greeting. Or two arms wrapped around you in a welcoming hug. Or two lips pressing an I-missed-you kiss on your cheek.

For me, I’m most looking forward to when my family and I’ll gather around the table, clasp hands, and give thanks we’re all together. That’s when I’ll close my eyes, take a deep breath and give the hands I’m holding an I-love-you squeeze.



And even if it’s just for that briefest of moments, all will be right in my world.

So what’s your special moment, memory or tradition this time of year? I’d love to hear what you’re excited about!

Wishing you and yours many many many blessings! And a warm place to snuggle with your loved ones. ☺

Ode to Beverly Goldberg

Over the years I’ve seen numerous features on TV and the Internet about “Favorite TV Moms”. There are certain moms that always make an appearance this list. June Cleaver and Carol Brady come to mind. They’re always cheerful, dignified, lovingly concerned and you never, ever doubt their devotion to their children. They are the epitome of motherhood. And they always so wise, offer the best advice, and…well, I never heard June or Carol holler at their kids or let a curse word slip.

They’re heartwarming characters, but…I don’t really relate to them so much. My favorite TV mom? Beverly Goldberg. Anyone watch The Goldbergs?

I love Beverly. Beverly lakes me laugh. A lot. I relate to Beverly. Why?

Beverly unabashedly loves all three of her children, but…we get to see the human side of Beverly. She loves to watch them sleep. She gets wounded when one of them rebuffs her (very persistent) affections. She plays “favorites”, giving the last of the Boo Berry Cereal to whoever hasn’t hurt her feelings that day. She attends all of her kids’ important events (even when they don’t want her to). And she shamelessly interferes in their lives. Oh, and she snoops.

AND, best of all, since it’s the 80s, she wears fab outfits featuring shoulder pads, decorated sweaters and yes, even parachute pants.

You may be horrified by all of these things, but they only make my love Beverly more. Other than the fashion choices, I’m a lot like Beverly and Beverly’s a lot like me.

Who’s your favorite TV Mom. Do you relate to her, and why?

Veteran’s Day, Every Day

Today is a special day.

A stop-and-contemplate-the-sacrifices-others-have-made-for-you day.

If you aren’t aware of it: Today is Veteran’s Day.

The day we remember those who served our country and those who continue to do so.

The day we should take a moment to thank a veteran.

The day that, as Americans, we need to recognize the sacrifices others have made so that we can do things like:

run into Target for some cool new gizmo we probably don’t need but want,

swing by the mall for an outfit that, as a woman, I might not be able to wear

in another country,

stand on the side of the road waving a sign proclaiming our candidate of

choice,

gather in front of our President’s residence and voice our opinion,

send our daughter’s to school knowing they won’t be persecuted for it!

The thing is, I think every day should be celebrated like it’s Veteran’s Day. Every time we see a veteran we should stop and thank him or her.

I grew up as a Navy “brat.” Was an Air Force wife for over two decades. Prayed for and continue to pray for active duty family members.

So I ask all of you, wherever you are, when you see a military member, please make a point of letting him or her know you appreciate their service. Whether or not you agree with a specific military operation isn’t the point. The point is that American men and women fought, served, died so that you and I can live as freely as we do here in the US. Their bravery, their heart, their blood, sweat and tears were given for the rest of us.

Today, everyday, we should be thankful.

So, to



DAD,



JACKIE,



JOE DAVID,



JEANIE and all the other military members in my family, I am beyond proud of you and awed by your bravery.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!

School Choice

We have a cool thing in Houston called school choice. That means if you live in the Houston Independent School District, you have a choice as to which school your child attends.

It’s fabulous to have options, but it’s also confusing. I feel as though I’m a little ahead of the learning curve since I used to teach in HISD. Of course, I taught middle school, and Princess Galen will be going to elementary school next year. But many of the ideas are the same.

I wasn’t always for school choice. I started teaching in a low-performing school in HISD (see my blog here about some of my experiences). No one would choose to send their child to that school if they could send the child to another school. It seemed to me that the schools with good reputations would take all the good students and those with involved parents.

I promise you 90% of the parents at low-performing schools don’t know the first thing about how to navigate a complicated process of admission applications, documentation, school tours, and aptitude testing.

To some extent, my fears did come true. The high-performing schools did attract a lot of students, but those schools only have so many openings. Only a small fraction of the non-zoned kids would be admitted.

The process also encouraged lots of school to develop what is called a magnet program. A magnet program is basically a specialization, like literacy or fine arts or technology. In that way, many schools attracted (get it, magnet?) students from all over the city.

So far I’ve been on two school tours, and I have two to go. The schools I’m looking into get upwards of 900 applications for maybe 20 magnet slots. In Kindergarten, children are chosen via lottery (unless the school is exclusively for Gifted & Talented students, then the students have to test in and get chosen via lottery). The chances of Princess Galen getting into any of these magnet schools is slim to none.

But we’re lucky in that our zoned school is fabulous, and we actually like it better than the other schools we’ve seen.

So what does that say about school choice? There are more opportunities, but where you live is still the most important aspect of where you go to school.

Do you have school choice? What do you think about it?

**I just wanted to add that Princess Galen doesn’t know anything about any of this. She did have to take a test, but we called it “special work,” and she thought it was fun. We haven’t discussed or shared the results with her, and we don’t discuss this process with her. I imagine middle school choice will be a lot different, though. But for now, this isn’t something she needs to worry about.

My kids love to listen to books. They love it when I read...

My kids love to listen to books. They love it when I read aloud (which is still a major part of our bedtime routine, even though they are now nearly seven and nine). They also love recorded books from Audible. Even though books from Audible are pricey, we have a membership and helps keep the price down. But even if it wasn’t possible to get them at a reasonsable price, I would still think they were a bargain. We’ve listened to many wonderful books while driving in the car. And since we live “out in the boondocks” as I like to say, we spend a lot of time in the car.

The books my kids love are ones they will listen to over and over and over again. Since we’ve gotten such joy from recorded books, I thought I’d share a few of my favorite titles with you. If you can’t afford a aubscription from Audible, check out your local library. They will have a selection you can borrow.

 

Clementine

Written by Sarah Pennypacker

Narrated by Jessica Almasy

This series–about a percoious red headed 3rd grader–is a hit with both my own percoious red-head and with her younger brother. And with me as well! The characters are warm and delightful, the conflict and themes are both age appropriate and heart-felt. The fantastic narration highlights the books’ humor as well as their more emotional moments.

 

Artemis Fowl

Written by Eoin Colfer

Narrated by Nathaniel Parker

An action/adventure series about a boy criminal-mastermind–the titular Artemis Fowl–who gets more than he bargained for when he decides to capture and hold for ransom one of the fairy folk. Fast-paced, smart and an all-around hoot-n-half, the plot and characters of Artemis Fowl will entertain and delight even the most curmudgeonly listener. Frankly, I don’t know why no ones making movies of these! (Or writing books for adults this good, for that matter.)

 

Matilda

Written by Roald Dahl

Narrated by Kate Winslet

I think anything writtne by Dahl sells itself. (And–holy guacamole!–narrated by Kate Winslet? How did I not notice that before now? Probably because the story is so engaging.) But if you need more proof, we’ve listened to this one approximately nineteen times. And I may be low-balling that number. The kids simply love it. ‘Nough said.

 

The Water Horse

Written by Dick King-Smith

Narrated by Nathanial Parker

This is one those rare books that is slow-paced, charming and engaging. It will interest readers, without ever overwhelming them. My kids sometimes get to wrapped up in stories, but this one keeps them listening without every being too scary or overstimulating. It’s just a delightful, lovely tale.

 

When You Reach Me

Written by Rebecca Stead

Narrated by Cynthia Holloway

Just a friggin’ fantastic book. It’s for a slightly older audience than the others (though mostly in plot complexity, not content). The year I first listened to it, I decided it was the book I’d read that year. It’s mysterious and atmospheric and complex and thought-provoking. I dare you not to love this book. I dare you. In fact, if you listen to it and *don’t* love it, I’ll refund your fifteen bucks. Oh, and it’s a Newberry award winner. Those people know what they’re talking about.

 

Holes

By Louis Sachar

Narrated by Kerry Beyer

Thematically probably more complex than a lot of the others, this book deals with faith, friendship, race relations, and smelly shoes. It’s brilliant. Funny. Tragic. Romantic. Everything you could possibly want. And it’s another Newberry winner. I told you they know what they’re doing over there.

 

In case you’re wondering, we’ve listened to every one of these books at least three times. We’ve listened to The Water Horse so often I once lied to my kids and told them it had vanished off my iPhone just so I could take a break.

So, yeah, recorded books seem expensive. But if I can get  four or five listenings out of it, it’s worth it. That’s roughly $2.50 for four or more hours of entertainment for the whole family.

Do you like recorded books? If you haven’t tried them, try one of the titles on my list. You won’t be disappointed.

 

Emily McKay lives and writing in the Texas Hill Country with her kids, hubby, and her chickens.

 

 

No writing necessary

Ever since Survivor debuted 14 years ago, reality TV has forever changed our viewing options. Yes, there have always been some “reality” TV out there, like the ones on HGTV and a few on TLC like A Baby Story, but the truth is, there are entire networks now where that’s all they show. I’ll admit to watching some of them. I’m a fan of The Biggest Loser, though admittedly I have stopped watching a handful of seasons because they’ve been more drama than motivation. If I don’t have someone to root for, then I’m not interested.

I enjoyed the first few seasons of Survivor, but then it got repetitive and annoying. So for the most part, I don’t watch them. I find the incessant yelling and conflict grating and frankly, it tends to give me anxiety. Kinda like that movie, The Break-Up that was out a few years, I can’t even watch the previews of that one without feeling all the emotions that I felt in the movie.

I’ve never watched The Bachelor because I find the whole “make-out fest” a little icky. And it seems like all the commercials show the girls sobbing about their broken hearts. I’ve never seen Honey Boo-Boo or Duck Dynasty, but I caught an episode of Naked & Afraid once and it was odd. It’s not that I don’t see the entertainment value, I get it, sorta, but I’d just much rather watch a show with an actual story, dialogue, and likable characters.

In any case I popped over to BuzzFeed because you know they have quizzes and lists on everything and here’s what I found.

Top 10 Worst Reality Shows

What Reality Show Would You Be On? (quiz)

By the way, I got Top Chef.

So how about you, are you a fan of reality TV? Do you watch some, but not all or are you a total junkie? 

What’s Keeping You Busy?

My question of the day is: What’s keeping you busy?

Like most weeks, my calendar is pretty full. But, it’s mostly full of blessings.

Sure, there’s some stuff I’d like to erase from my “To Do” list, a few things I’m not looking forward to dealing with, but I strive really hard to remind myself that those not-so-fun To Do’s will only serve to make the really fun things that much better.

So, I thought it would be fun to take a look at our calendars and share a little about what we find filling them up.

With mine, you’ll find that I tend to spend a lot of time with my family,

my girlfriends,

socializing with friends,

and exercising (this one needs to get on my calendar more often).

There’s also rarely a week that goes by when I’m not attending some type of volunteer event or meeting.

But I also try to remember, amidst the hustle and bustle of my life, take care of myself.

Time to regroup, listen to my thoughts, enjoy a good book.

Which is why I try to add a little quiet or alone time to my calendar.



Some weeks I’m better at this than others.

And at the end of the day, when I’m snuggling under my blankets in bed, after racing along checking things off my To Do list, I really hope I don’t forget this mantra:

So, what’s filling up your calendar this week? Something fun you wanna share? Something important you’d like us to think good thoughts about for you?

I hope you have time to stop by and share!

WT# Is Wrong With You?

I peruse several Facebook Fan Pages for various television shows, authors, movies, and such that I enjoy. I like reading articles and comments, and yes, sometimes spoilers. Last week, I absently clicked on a link for some spoilers for the second season of a television series…and was gob-smocked to discover these spoilers, instead of being of the vague “a beloved character dies,” “a couple faces a threat,” or “a mysterious newcomer promises answers” variety were excruciatingly specific. But that’s not all they were, either. They were the entire plotline of the second installment in the story, including all the major plot points and surprises.

Given that I already knew all this, the revelations didn’t bug me, but I found myself cringing anyway. Since I’m somewhat of a spoiler aficionado, I know what spoilers usually are, and this wasn’t it. So I found myself feeling REALLY BAD for the people who clicked on that link expecting regular vague spoilers, but who instead had the entire second season of a popular show ruined for them. True, true… they clicked on the link so it was their choice. But I couldn’t help but think a lot of people who were clicking on that link weren’t expecting to read what they did.

So…I commented. Now, I’m not a confrontational person. At all. I’ll go out of my way to avoid just about any confrontation of any type. I’m much more of a peace making type of person. And that’s what I was trying to do. I commented something to the effect of “wow, careful there! those are a lot more than spoilers!”

And the slamming began.

All sorts of people started jumping on me, as well as the few others like me who dared to mention that these spoilers were a little more specific than regular spoilers. People pointed out the thread said Spoilers (true), so what did we expect? But they didn’t stop there. It was a regular pile: Only an idiot clicks on Spoilers if they don’t want to see spoilers. Quit crying over something you did yourself. What kind of stupid person are you? Could you be any more of an idiot? What part of the word SPOILER did you not understand? And, my favorite: WTF is wrong with you?

And I just sat there reading all this, going…wow. At first I responded, trying to explain WHY I commented, but that only made the slamming worse. Random people started posting pictures with pithy little sayings on them, one after the other. Labels were tossed about, stupid, moron, and idiot among the most common. So…I disconnected from the thread and went on my merry way. I wasn’t upset personally… but on more of a macro level I found myself scratching my head, wondering what possessed people to be so ugly? Why would you talk that way to anyone—someone you know, but maybe even especially to someone about whom you know nothing? A complete absolute stranger (who could be the nicest person in the world, or could be unbelievably fragile, or in the middle of a personal tragedy, or, or, or…you just don’t know.)

A few days later there was another Facebook discussion on my local community’s page about a certain parental behavior, something some are comfortable doing, but others aren’t. And again the judgment started to fly, with those who had opted against something referring to those who opted in favor as stupid, careless, dumb, idiots, and criminal.

And again…I found myself going wow.

It’s not just on Facebook, either, although Facebook represents a nice tidy microcosm of society. It’s everywhere. The judging. The slamming. The hate-speak. There’s the big stuff like politics and religion, abortion and gay marriage, gun control and the death penalty, but the ridicule doesn’t stop there. People get shamed and shredded for whether they use plastic or paper, which light bulbs they buy, if they believe in global warming, what time they choose to put their kids to bed, if they choose to shop on Thanksgiving or…whether they choose to read spoilers.

I don’t know. I think back ten, twenty, twenty-five years ago, and it feels like we’re less tolerant than we use to be. It feels like we’re less okay with people thinking and behaving differently than us. We say we are, but then we turn around and ridicule/blast/shame them for doing so, then defend ourselves by saying hey, it’s your right to say/do what you want, but it’s my right to say/do what I think about it. And…well, yeah. It’s hard to argue with that basic logic, but it also feels like something’s getting lost there. Passing judgment/ridiculing does not equal accepting differences—and being cool with each other anyway. (And yes, as I say that, I find myself wondering if I’m being a little hypocritical…if calling out those who pass judgment is, in its own way, passing judgment…)

All I know is I find myself shaking my head, wondering…when did we quit caring about other people? Where did our basic compassion go? And civility. When…did we get so mean? We give all this lip-service to bullying, telling our kids how horrible it is and running news stories about it, but it seems to me that we, the adults, are as guilty as, if not more so, of bullying as our children.

Hmmm. Could it be our kids are learning more from us than we realize?

What Happened to Halloween?

When did Halloween become such a big holiday? It must have happened sometime after I graduated from college and sometime before Princess Galen was born. A couple years ago I realized nearby neighborhoods were just as decked out for Halloween as Christmas.

Cemeteries pop up in yards, pirates dangle by nooses from trees, and zombies stand by driveways. It’s a lot to explain to a little kid. I don’t even know where to begin.

The year before my daughter was born I made the mistake of going to a Halloween party. I wore a twirly dress and fairy wings. My husband put on his cowboy hat and boots. We looked like we’d made an effort. The rest of the people at the party looked like they had been hired by a haunted house. I felt so lame. I also felt overdressed. The women wore nothing short of clothing appropriate for a prostitute.

When did Halloween become about wearing sexy clothes? And why have kids’ characters been sexualized? I think that creeps me out the most.

Cheer Bear from the Care Bears

Even Sesame Street isn’t immune.

Big Bird

Where did we go wrong? When did Halloween become more about sex and less about games

and cute kids’ costumes?

What I’d tell my 15 year old self….

Guess what? Turns out, I’m an athlete!

That’s what I would tell the teenage version of myself. Chances are, she’d laugh her ass off. But only if she could do it without putting down her book. The teenage me would never imagine she could be good at exercise

But, hang on a minute, because there’s someone else I’d like to say that too also. I’d say it to the nine year old me also. Because that’s when I got that idea. The idea that I wasn’t an athlete.

I remember the moment clearly. I was about nine, in maybe the third grade. We were playing something in P.E. Softball, I think, but it might have been kickball. It was one of those bases-loaded moments. I was in the hot seat. I buggered it. I humiliated myself (in my own eyes) and the team lost. I went home in tears. And that’s when it happened. My mom, trying to comfort me, said, “It’s okay, honey, Beierles just aren’t good at sports. We just aren’t very coordinated.” (Beierle is my maiden name.)

I internalized that phrase, “Beierles aren’t good at sports.” it became part of my identity. Not good at sports. Not an athlete. Not coordinated.

It was okay. I was smart. I loved reading. (And that’s a subject of another post, probably one I already wrote.) I didn’t mind not being good at sports. I mean, I minded every day in P.E. when I was picked last. When I always fumbled the ball. When I stood in the wrong spot on the volleyball court and got hit in the face with the ball. I totally cried that time, because, damn, that hurt. But I was okay with my identity of not being an athlete.

For most of my life–as that teenagers and as an adult–I really struggled with exercise. I know I need exercise to be healthy. I wanted to find something I could force myself to do, but I just never found it.

Until yoga. Which I love. But the Iyengar yoga I do is slow and methodical. I’m good at it, but it’s yoga. It’s not exactly the stuff of athletes.

And then, a year ago, my son said he wanted to take Tae Kwon Do. So I found a place to take him. And then my daughter started going. And I did.

It made sense. I write action, so it’s technically research. I could get help choreographing fight scenes. Plus, it turns out, it’s just fun. No. Really.

Yeah. That’s me saying that. It’s exercise and it’s fun. I look forward to it. And now here’s the really weird thing: I’m good at it. There are two other women in my class who are at the same level as me. I don’t carry them, but they don’t carry me either. We are equals. One of them jogs every morning. One of them was a star basketball player in high school. And I’m their equal.

That’s amazing to me!

And here’s the thing that I never understood about what it means to be athletic: I didn’t know that even lazy, uncoordinated people could be athletes.

Oh, any number of P.E. teachers and coaches said, “Well, you just need to practice. You’ll get better at softball/kickball/tennis/basketball/volleyball/etc.”

I had absolutely no faith that I would get better. I was a naturally uncoordinated person. How could practice help that? I couldn’t imagine that any amount of practice would make me not a clumsy lunk. I never understood that practice would build muscles. That having muscles would mean I’d have better control over my limbs. That using my muscles regularly would help me develop muscle memory. That I would totally feel like an athlete!

Yeah, I’m still uncoordinated. Yeah, I still cringe at the thought of playing a team sport. Yeah, I’d still probably be the last one picked to play kickball. And, yeah, I’d probably still get the volley ball to the face. But guess what? Now, I could totally drop kick the guy who did it. (Not that I would do that. That would be rude.)

(By the way, I had all kinds of cool pictures of my getting my red belt, but now I can’t find them. I don’t think I understand how my phone works with the new update. So instead, I included pictures of Master Um, my instructor, with his far more impressive student, WIllie Nelson!)