Sarah Hickner's Blog, page 5

A Merry Christmas Short Story

“I’m sorry” I heard the thick accent of the inn owner through the door. “The inn is full and I know this isn’t ideal, but with the animals in there it should be warm. Grab some straw, make a bed, whatever you need. Just, watch for the donkey. She kicks sometimes.”

I blew a huff that vibrated my nostrils, clearing the dust that had gathered from this musty hay he gave us. If I wanted to actually kick someone I would have. Sometimes I get so frustrated. Humans want everything on their terms and immediately. They don’t realize some days are hard. Some days the grief hits and all I want to do is lay down and be done. But I work. I just may not have the best attitude.

The barn door groaned and a sliver of moonlight lit the dark stable. The night sky was more vibrant than usual. It felt like the world was holding its breath, but for what, I wasn’t sure. Everyone around me stopped munching the evening hay, startled like I was at the presence at the door. “Mary, are you ok? Mary I’m so sorry we had to make this journey” a man’s voice said. 

“Yes, Joseph, I’m fine, it’s not your, oooooh” her sentence was cut off with a low drawn-out moan. 

“Mary, what can I do?” 

She leaned over in the doorway, moonlight streaming around her form, hands braced on her knees taking deep slow breaths. We all watched in awe as she lifted her hand to the man, Joseph it seemed his name was. After a few seconds where we all silently stared, entranced by the activity unfolding in our normally mundane evenings, she stood up. Hand on her stretched-out belly, she finally replied, “Just put our donkey away first. Make sure she has food and water. She took such good care of us today on our journey.” A grey nose with long ears peered into the barn before it turned, blowing puffs of warm air onto the lady Mary’s belly. Mary reached up, rubbing the space between the animal’s eyes, gratefulness showing in her features. 

Joseph pulled on the rope attached to the donkey’s face, leading it fully into the barn. I nickered a low-toned welcome, from one donkey to another. Her ears swiveled towards me before she nodded, and walked forward, Joseph at her side. She was put in the stall with me, and before she could eat or drink, I reached out, touching my nose to hers, deeply inhaling her scent and blowing a great big breath so she could smell mine. I’d never met a donkey who was so content after a long day of work. “He’s coming,” she said, as she rubbed her nose against mine as if we were longtime friends. 

“What? Who’s coming?” I asked, confused. 

“Joseph!” The lady Mary exclaimed, “He’s coming!”

Joseph rushed over from the stall, grabbing one of Mary’s hands. “Mary, I’m right here. It will be alright. God will care for us, just breathe.” And then he prayed, “Dear God, please take care of Mary and your baby. We are so humbled and honored to be chosen for this. Please help us and guide us. Help us through tonight, and help us as parents.”

The lady Mary’s eyes were squeezed tightly closed, creating creases along her young skin. I could smell the saltiness of her sweat even in the cool evening air. “Oh God, help me” she prayed as her body tensed.

The only sounds in the barn were all of us animals breathing, blinking, as we watched. Occasionally the lady Mary whispered a prayer or moaned.

I had pushed out a foal of my own once. He never opened his eyes to look at me. He never nuzzled me. He was born still, and my heart broke then. Even though he was just a body, as lifeless as a rock, when they came to take him away I pinned my long ears to my head and charged, mouth gaping and ready to chomp. They couldn’t take my baby. The men ducked away from my bite and I spun around, kicking my heels, determined to protect my lifeless foal. The men scrambled and disappeared while I stood over his lifeless body, braying through the morning and into the evening until my voice barely worked. Then I laid down, exhausted, and pressed against my little love. When I woke his body was gone. 

I called to him for days. It hurt so much. And if losing my dear wasn’t enough, my milk came in. I was heavy and full, my body prepared to feed a foal who didn’t need it. It was a constant, aching reminder of my loss. 

The people left me alone to mourn for a week, before looping a halter over my head and putting me back to work. Being busy helped take my mind off it, but the pain never truly left. It just got buried.

The lady Mary’s baby was almost here. I could sense it, and I hoped her story would turn out better than mine. At once the pain from losing my own foal seemed as sharp as the day it happened, yet it was balanced by the excitement and expectation of this new birth. It was as if this coming baby could erase the years of hurt- as if everything would change when he arrived. How can that be, I wondered? 

The lady Mary’s cry pierced the air, interrupted by an exclamation from the man Joseph, “Mary! He’s here!” He laughed as a newborn’s cry filled the barn. “He’s here!” Joseph said, and his laugh became tears. Mary was already crying, her quiet sobs, filling the now bustling barn as Joseph handed her the baby. 

“Joseph,” she nearly whispered, “the Savior is here. All will be well. This baby, he’ll heal our broken world. Oh, God. Thank you.” She pressed the baby against her body as if he alone could save her.

The other donkey touched me with her nose. “See, He’s here! The one the world has waited on. God’s son. It’s going to be ok.”

I watched the new family as they held this tiny king in their arms, and sighed in contentment. All was well. He was here. 

The end, or should we call it

The Beginning

 

I hope you enjoyed this Christmas short story! It’s my gift to my readers on this beautiful Christmas Day, Dec 25, 2021. A few years ago when reading my kids’ Jesus Storybook Bible, it finally hit me how the world had waited for so long for a savior. I can’t imagine living life without the hope of Jesus in my life. It’s the greatest gift for sure. 

Merry Christmas from the Hickners!

The post A Merry Christmas Short Story appeared first on LiveRideLearn.

When We Believe The Lies: A Story of Imposter Syndrome

This blog post has a podcast episode to go with it! Click here to give it a listen.

Have you ever felt like you weren’t good enough? Like you’re under qualified for your own life and calling?

Over the last couple weeks I walked slowly into the abyss of what I think we could call imposter syndrome. Or, maybe I didn’t even make it far enough to be an imposter? Looking into the arena of successful memoir writers, I realized I might be crazy to even try.

The Buildup

I’ve been hard at work on my memoir, Finding Gideon. Part of releasing a book goes far beyond writing. You have to look at the market to see where your book might fit, and find comparable books for when the manuscript is ready enough to query agents and publishers. 

 

We’ve all heard about how bad comparison is. It kills your spirit, especially because we often match up our worst to someone else’s best. One person’s house looks squeaky clean on Instagram, while yesterday’s jelly spot is still sticky on your table from making kid sandwiches. 

But comparing is literally what agents and publishers want authors to do, so I dove in. The more comparables I found, the more inadequate I felt. The authors of these books seemed to fall into two camps, the first being people who were already famous.

 

I’m not famous. Unless something crazy happens, there won’t be millions of people saying, “Oh wow Sarah Hickner has a book out, I’m getting one for me and my mom!”

On the other end of the spectrum were memoirs written by highly regarded writers. These women have PhD’s, write essays that people talk about (where do you even find an essay to read outside of school?), and are published in places like the New Yorker. They’ve put years into education and developing craft. I’ve put years into riding horses, raising kids, and selling skincare and makeup. 

This imposter syndrome has been a slowly festering wound.

Saturday morning I chatted with my writing coach. “Sarah!” She said, “You’re not ready to send anything to an agent! I mean what you’ve got is pretty good, but it’s not ready to send to anyone.” If she said it once she said it three times, while I pasted a smile onto my shell-shocked face. I came into this call thinking, I’m not famous, and I’m not a PhD, but what I’ve written is at least good. I thought my first five chapters were ready. 

The call ended with her telling me about all the years she’s put into writing. It’s her career, and she’s my mom’s age. I could never add up the years of experience she had. That comparison wound was severely infected.

Pulling out a pen and paper, I wrote, “I feel like quitting.” 

It sounded so much easier. An entire chunk of my schedule freed up to focus on something else, like my business. 

How much easier would it be to stop trying to compete in an arena I’m vastly undereducated for?

But (and I say this with a loud internal groan) what good comes from easy?

 

I could say I checked the box. This whole thing started because God told me to write the story, and technically I have done that since I completed the first draft. But I know in every fiber of my being that the story isn’t just for me. It’s for the readers. 

I spent the day crying every time I was alone. 

Who am I?

This is embarrassing.

This is a waste of time.

What am I thinking?

I’m such an imposter.

I can’t compete with a PhD.

I’m not famous.

I’m not spending the next thirty years of my life studying writing before I release this book.

I spiraled deep into the abyss. 

An Important Aside…

I need to pull you out of the story to share something really important. A couple years ago I did Pricilla Shirer’s Bible study on the armor of God. We dove into each piece, and one of the most important ones (ok, they’re all super important), is the belt of truth. In the study she talked about how bankers are taught to handle money and find fraudulent bills. They’re never given counterfeit money to work with. They just spend so much time handling the real thing, that as soon as they touch a fake bill, they know it. That’s the belt of truth. You know God’s promises and his truth so clearly, that when the devil whispers a lie into your mind, you can see it for what it is.

Nearly every morning in my quiet time, I pray, “God, help me to see the devil’s lies from a mile away. Help me to know your truths.”

Back to the story…

When my eyes opened Sunday morning, a weight still sat on my chest. It took me a minute to remember why, oh yeah, I’m in over my head. It’s totally dumb for me to be writing this book that I started a decade ago and have worked so hard on for the last year.

“God, seriously.” I prayed, “Why am I doing this?”

And then the scales fell from my eyes, and I saw it. The devil had been whispering lies, and man had I bought it for a minute. There were a couple basic facts: I’m still not famous, and I’m definitely not a PhD, but all that extra baggage that had come in were lies.

I rolled over onto my belly, with my face in my pillow, my chest still felt heavy as I prayed, “God, thank you for showing me the lies.” I saw it for what it was, but it still weighed me down. I kept going, “God forgive me for not trusting your calling.” I said it almost automatically, with little thought, but once the words were out, I realized what they were. Truth.

With each truth, I took a step out of the darkness.

God called me to write this book. He didn’t give someone else the story. He gave me the story. And God knows me. He knows I don’t have a PhD, and I’m not famous. He knows that until a year ago, I had almost no writing experience outside of basic classes at school. He knew that I’ve spent my life raising kids, riding horses, and selling makeup. None of this was a secret. None of it was a surprise to Him. He created me, how I am. He gave me these passions and this personality, and He called me to write this story. Who am I to question that? 

Then I cried some more, but these tears were the good kind.

 

So I ask you again – have you ever felt like you weren’t good enough? Like you’re under qualified for your own life and calling?

Take heart.

Lean into God’s truth for you.

He knew your qualifications when he gave you the job.

 To God be the Glory,

Sarah

Ephesians 6:10-18

The Armor of God

10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

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The post When We Believe The Lies: A Story of Imposter Syndrome appeared first on LiveRideLearn.

The Best Moment of the Weekend

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Check out the video with music on Instagram

The highlight of my weekend didn’t cost a lot of money (unless you count the cost of horse ownership ). It wasn’t dramatic or expected. In fact, it was wrapped in some tough circumstances.

The kids are in a phase where the barn is the last place they want to go (they have no idea how good they have it!). But, Essie was having friend issues, so I decided to distract her with a barn trip. She shocked me by getting totally decked out in her riding clothes. I was still pouring my coffee as Essie waited at the door to leave.

Silas has been a rollercoaster of issues with his health. Three weeks ago he felt better than he’s felt in over a year! I thought maybe, finally, he’s well! This week I opted out of riding him two out of three visits because of a sudden onset of back soreness. My heart has been hurting as I pray over him, wondering if I should retire him in a big pasture an hour away or keep trying. I love that horse, and when he feels well, there is no other horse I want to ride. But I’m tired of fighting an invisible opponent in whatever we’ve been dealing with for years.

On Saturday, for a few beautiful moments, the mess disappeared. Essie happily dove into the work of grooming Silas, who stood perfectly still to keep his girl safe, and I got to participate. It was perfection, and I love it even more that I caught it on camera. 

I was able to add the song “You Are My Sunshine” to this video on Instagram, and it summed the entire moment up. 

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The post The Best Moment of the Weekend appeared first on LiveRideLearn.

Reviewing some of my newest favorite books

I’m a bit obsessed with reading, so I thought it would be fun to start sharing some book reviews. Just to be clear, when I say “review”, I’m not going to share a book that I didn’t love. I’ve got no interest in tearing other authors down just because what they wrote isn’t my cup of tea.

I’m always working through at least four books at a time – an audio, a kindle, a paperback for fun, and a paperback for growth. Because of this, people often ask me for book recommendations! Here are a few of the books I’ve loved recently, and what I loved about them. I’ll make each picture a link to amazon in case you’re interested in checking it out.

 

Runaway Alex

Runaway Alex is the first of a fiction series by Natalie Keller Reinert, and it has totally stolen my heart (bonus, I think the ebook is free). After working at the track myself, most books that have anything to do with horse racing have annoyed me with their inaccuracies. This one was so spot on, I found myself totally reliving and laughing over the tiniest details the author got correct about the track. Plus, the story sucked me in right away, and I didn’t get a solid night’s sleep until I was done!

 

Here’s a part of the synopsis I copied from Amazon:

 

“Horse racing isn’t for nice girls like Alex. She’s been told again and again: stick to horse shows, stick to riding lessons, stick to the relative safety of the suburban equestrian center where she has been a working student since grade school.

But Alex can’t shake the conviction that the Thoroughbred life is her destiny.

When her unstable trainer cuts her off from horses, Alex finally has to obey her instinct to run away from the safe version of life. She heads to Ocala, where horse racing is king, with no plan and no leads on jobs. When she meets handsome, successful racehorse trainer Alexander White, she feels an instant connection with him. Could this be her dream come true?

Crossing the Line: A Fearless Team of Brothers and the Sport That Changed Their Lives Forever

This one is a memoir by Kareem Rosser. Here’s part of the synopsis from Amazon:

“Born and raised in West Philadelphia, Kareem thought he and his siblings would always be stuck in “The Bottom”, a community and neighborhood devastated by poverty and violence. Riding their bicycles through Philly’s Fairmount Park, Kareem’s brothers discover a barn full of horses. Noticing the brothers’ fascination with her misfit animals, Lezlie Hiner, founder of The Work to Ride stables, offers them their escape: an after school job in exchange for riding lessons.”

 

Did you catch that? There’s a BARN in a very poor area of West Philly where most kids end up dead, in gangs or in jail, stuck in the cycle of poverty. The barn provides a work to ride program to help kids break the cycle. This book was a juxtaposition of addiction, loss, and watching people you love make poor choices, and the thrill of polo, teamwork, and learning to dream and hope outside the thin walls of his apartment. 

It dealt with hard truths, and asked questions we don’t have the answers to yet, but simply by asking we hopefully take some sort of baby steps towards change. I laughed, cried, and my heart sang every time he was on the back of a polo pony.

Everything Happens for a Reason: And Other Lies I’ve Loved

a memoir by Kate Bowler

Here’s a snippet from Amazon:  “What does it mean to die, she wonders, in a society that insists everything happens for a reason? Kate is stripped of this certainty only to discover that without it, life is hard but beautiful in a way it never has been before.”

As a rule, I try to stay away from books about cancer. I know it’s weird, but I have enough to worry about without a book making my brain even more hyperaware of every odd feeling or pain in my body. But when I did a random search in my Libby app for Christian memoir and this came up, I thought – why not try it? It felt right.

The author is witty and hilarious. She’s raw and tells it like it is. She grew up at a Mennonite church that practically relishes in suffering and studied the prosperity gospel for her PhD which basically says if you’re suffering you’re doing something wrong, because we’re meant to prosper.

Kate is diagnosed and dealing with stage IV colon cancer with a new baby and husband she dearly loves at home. Her greatest fear is her death, and her baby growing up not even knowing his mom’s love, her husband moving on without his dear wife. She questions God, questions everything she’s been taught, rages, cries, laughs, and finds peace in the very God she questions.

This book had an odd way of ripping me open and filling me with a divine peace about the things I’ve feared most in life.

 

 

That’s it! What did you think? Have you read any of these books? Are there books you’ve read recently that’d you’re dying to talk about? Tell me!

Also, honest truth, the only authors who are featured on my Author Shenanigans Podcast are authors whose books literally made me lose sleep. If it couldn’t keep me sucked in and skipping important aspects of life, it won’t be featured. So, if you want to really get to know books that I’ve loved, meet the authors on the podcast!  Author Shenanigans podcast

 

Happy reading 🙂

~Sarah

Sarah Interviewed with HorseRookie.com to Chat all Things Horses, Writing, and Lessons Learned

HorseRookie.com, an educational web site dedicated to helping equestrians of all levels (especially rookies), reached out to chat books, horses, why and how I’ve ridden so many different disciplines, and of course the lessons I learned! They asked questions like how did I get started with horses? And How did I get started writing? By the end I was crying telling about the impact I’ve seen horses make on not only my life but my friends as well. To read the interview, click here.

Derby Fever!!! What to eat, drink, and how to pick a winner.

The Derby is almost here! Are you ready?

Check out the LiveRideLearn podcast this week for two episodes to help you prepare. In a Derby Week Deep Dive I gave, in very general terms, how these horses qualify and what it’s like to be there – whether it’s the cheap seats or the best seats in the house. In Derby Fever!!! What to eat, drink, and how to pick a winner, you’ll learn what I consider to be the two must have Derby foods, as well as how to make a mint julep and of course, pick a winner.

Chocolate, pecan & bourbon pie

Ok this is what is normally called Derby pie, but someone owns that name. I tried to find the link and the web site no longer exists, so I’m going to type it up. This is not my recipe. Some amazing other person created this and I so appreciate her.

Kentucky Derby Chocolate Pecan Pie Recipe

10 inch pie crust

1/2 cup butter (1 stick), melted

1/4 cup white sugar

3/4 cup brown sugar, packed

3/4 cup Karo light corn syrup

4 large eggs

1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla

1/4 cup bourbon (we use less)

3/4 cup gourmet chocolate chips

1 1/4 cup toasted pecans or walnuts, shelled and chopped in half if desired

preheat oven to 350 degrees F

Put store bought pie crust in dish and flute edges as desired

In large mixing bowl, on medium speed with whisk attachment, whip butter, sugars, corn syrup, eggs, vanilla, and bourbon together until frothy

Remove bowl from mixer, and fold in chocolate chips and pecans or walnuts. Blend well.

Pour into prepared pie crust and bake at 350 for 50-60 minutes or until set.

Serve warm, or cool completely beofre serving with whipped cream or a scoop of vanilla ice cream

Do you give credit where credit is due?

Do you give credit where credit is due?

Meet Silas – my partner in adventure. Through Silas, I have learned so many things. For instance, the gift of the present and enjoying what I have, even when it’s not what I had hoped for. He is a gift from God at a time when I had said goodbye to my heart horse Gideon and needed a horse, and this horse needed a mom. God knew what he was doing. 

 

Story Time 

Now that you’ve met Silas, let me share a quick story. Silas has back issues – specifically SI or sacroiliac joint issues. It started the weekend I found out I was pregnant with my second kid. Before that bomb was dropped on Sunday evening, Silas and I were showing in Richmond Friday, Saturday, and Sunday morning. It was our best show ever and it’s the only time I’ve won money at a horse show! …and I pushed him to do more than his body was ready for. He’s not been the same since.

Here’s a picture from the show. It’s my most favorite photo ever taken of us. I realize it’s got the photographers watermarks on it. When I finally went back to purchase it, I couldn’t find his site anymore. (If you can find it for me, I will GLADLY pay for this photo.)

 

A few weeks later Silas started acting uncomfortable and was soon diagnosed with SI issues. We dove in with therapies, injections, long warm up rides, and still – two years down the road I sat on his back in tears. My Thoroughbred who had previously tried to buck me off when I wouldn’t let him run, took every piece of convincing to just trot in an open field.

I pleaded with God for answers. Should I retire him? Should I give up? Would God heal him?

We meandered to the barn in a cloud of despair where my farrier, Thomas, happened to be. Thomas is a wealth of knowledge, and encouraged me to book an appointment with an equine osteopath for Silas. The osteopath was a miracle worker, and when she left Silas was holding his head a foot higher with bright eyes. Another vet taught me the old school “horseman” solution to SI issues which is moving incredibly slow to get him fit.

I began the arduous process of getting Silas in shape one walk ride at a time. It took a couple years, but we finally were almost back in business. I started working with a trainer who taught me to ride in a way that strengthened Silas’s back. That was the final piece to the puzzle. Within a few months we were jumping and adventuring again. Here we are at a fox hunt with my friend Caitlin! 

In the down years with Silas, I learned to be grateful for the opportunity to just be with him. To appreciate a walk ride when previously, my competive spirit was frustrated if I wasn’t being challenged. In the up years I’ve learned to cherish every single jump and every single adventure – as big or small as it may seem.

The Big Question

What would you give credit to for his healing? Was it my determination to not give up? Was it the osteopath? How about the farrier’s advice? Or was it the trainer? 

Did you catch the line that happened before all those things? I pleaded with God. In other words, I prayed. 

How often do you pray over something, then it comes together, and you go on your merry way? I know the answer for me is all the time. It’s shocking and disappointing the number of times God answers our prayer and we don’t even notice.

It would be easy to give Thomas credit, or either of the vets, my determination, or the trainer. And I’m going to get real for a second. Some people, without realizing they are taking the credit from God, would say the prayer worked. The prayer in itself did not do the work. A prayer is a muttering or crying or speaking or screaming or whispering of words from a human. The One who hears prayer and answers prayer – that is who worked.

What Powers the Light Bulb?

Imagine this: Will a light bulb turn on when you flip the switch? You may be quick to say yes, but think of this – only if it’s hooked up to a source of power. The switch is our prayer, the light is the answer, (both of which are important) but God is the electricity – the power behind it all. 

God powered the series of events – several events – that needed to come together to strengthen and heal Silas.

 

I need to take a break from where I’m going to face the little voice that may be popping in your head right now. Mine is saying, If God is so powerful and cares so much, why did he let my friend die? I prayed for healing, not death.  And the truth is, I don’t know. I don’t know why God answers some prayers one way and some another. I know our world is broken and there will be pain and hurt. I know when a Christian dies, there is healing and restoration in Heaven, but on our side of Heaven it hurts.

 

But, I also know that God is soveriegn and he is good. He promises in Romans 8:28 to work everything for our good when we love him. I talked about this in my post about truth and the stories we tell ourselves

What you seek, you will find

I know when I seek pain, it’s easy to find. But when we seek proof of God’s goodness it surrounds us and fills us. Every breathe is proof of God’s goodness. Every sunset. Every smile. Every bite of food. The trees stretching their winter bare branches to the sky. The dog snoring on the end of my couch and the feel of his soft fur. When Silas drops his head for his halter. When the five year old sneaks into my bed and snuggles against me. Y’all, God is SO good.

 

And God shows his goodness when he answers our prayers. The answer may not come in the way we expect. Wouldn’t it have been easier for me to show up at the barn the day after I prayed to a healed horse? But I’m grateful for God’s way. It teaches us and molds us into the person God is calling us to become. It affirms his goodness.

 

When we pray, let us keep our eyes open for the way God will answer. Then let’s give him the credit.

 

 

 

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Who you are comparing yourself to that could be your biggest mistake

“I just ran a 5k!” but last year I was training for a half marathon.

“I look so good in these jeans!” but 5 years ago I was a size 4…like that will ever happen again.

“I just had my best month of the year in my business!” but 8 years ago I tripled that.

You have probably heard it said that you are your own worst enemy. Maybe you thought people were referring to bad habits like drinking or smoking or speaking your mind when it’s probably best to bite your tongue. More often than not, it’s our thoughts that make us our greatest enemy. 

 

This picture is so last year. It’s what spurred this blog post idea. I finished a (slow) 5k that I was initially proud of, and then the thought popped into my head, Yeah but last year you were half marathon fit.

You’ve heard about comparing, right? Comparison is the death of dreams. When you compare yourselves to others you’re comparing your worst to their best. The rise of social media has taught us all about comparison. 

But, did you ever think about the danger of comparing yourself to yourself? 

You can’t complete a goal or mark progress without comparing your current self to your past self or hopes for your future self. Comparing current to past is imperative as far as I can tell if you want to achieve goals and mark progress.

So how do we handle this? How can we mark progress (or lack of) on a goal without becoming our worst enemy of negativity? It’s easy when we’re doing well and advancing with our goal, but what about when we’re falling short?

And whether you care about a goal or not, how do we not fall into the pit of comparison of our younger self to now? 

Grace for yourself

This is my answer for almost everything. Let me be clear. If you ask for it, Jesus forgives you and gives grace for all your mistakes. Now give yourself grace.

Think about this: If someone talked to you the same way you talked to yourself, would you be friends with them? If not, I would venture to say you are not giving yourself grace. Would your best friend praise your forward progress and/or effort towards progress, or would he/she tell you something like, “that’s good but when we met you were _____ (skinnier, doing better in your business, you fill in this blank)”

Grace for your journey

I am ALL about self improvement. But I also have learned to have grace for the journey. You didn’t hit your goal for 2020? It’s ok. I think every member of humanity struggled to get out of bed for at least a few days of 2020. You were further ahead 5 years ago than you are now? Well look at your life now. Is life more complex? Have you added kids? Did you move? What else has changed?

“But so and so had kids and she’s skinnier than when she got pregnant and has tripled her income.” Good for her! That’s her journey. Who is to say if that’s yours or mine? We all have different journeys, obstacles, and mental and physical challenges. Beating yourself up over what you haven’t done won’t help you get further.

Lean into Truth

When I feel like I’m floundering in life, I seek truth. As a Christian, my truths come from the promises and encouragement from God’s word. Here are a few of my go-to verses:

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Philippians 4:8

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Romans 8:1“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.” James 1:2-3 “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:9-10   Phone a Friend

Sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference between having grace for yourself and making excuses. Sometimes it’s obvious. Maybe you’ve had kids and your body changed, so you can release that burden of expecting to be a size 2. (We’ll put that under possible, not probable). And there are less obvious cases. Should you expect to hit your fitness or business goals when your kids are suddenly doing school from the house with no end in sight?

This is when I recommend phoning a friend. There’s 2 kinds of calls. The first option, and the one I most recommend, is hitting your knees and praying. When I seek clarity from God, he nearly always gives it- even for the little things. 

The second call is a friend or family member who cares about you, you would trade places with (I don’t recommend taking advice from people you wouldn’t trade places with), and is also level headed. Sometimes our friends can see things clearly from their outside perspective that we are blinded to. How often do we let our kids be an excuse for not getting things done? For me, a lot. Is it a valid excuse or a valid obstacle/issue? Sometimes I have to reach out to friends to help me clarify this.

 

Throw it off and let it go

 

One of my favorite Bible verses comes from Hebrews 12: 

“1Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, 2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. “

Here’s the deal – does the comparison to your past self hinder you or inspire you? This Bible verse clearly states to throw off everything that hinders as we run the race God marked for us. If thinking about last year’s half marathon inspires you to start training harder and run more, and that is what is right for you right now, then compare away. However, if it’s not a season of half marathon training, and comparing your 5k training to the half marathon is discouraging, toss it!

Ready for a fresh goal?

Check out my blogpost on the power of goals here

Thanks for reading! I’m excited to announce my first book will be coming to Amazon soon! For updates on the coming book, tune into my podcast LiveRideLearn on all your favorite podcast platforms and subscribe to the email list.

~Sarah

 

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What stories do you tell yourself?

The Event

Imagine you send someone a message, “Hey do you want to come to dinner tomorrow?”

You see within seconds that it is read, but there’s no immediate response. Where does your mind go? Now it’s been 2 hours, and still no response. It’s the next day. You still haven’t heard back.

Your Response

How do you respond? Do you panic that something bad has happened and call their significant other or mom? Do you get mad that you’ve been ignored and call your friend and gossip? Do you assume they’re ignoring you and don’t want to hang out? Or do you assume they missed the message or forgot to respond and send a follow up message or two?

event + response = outcome

Your outcome largely depends on how you responded. If you panic and called someone, you likely have other people panicking. If you called a friend to vent, you’ve now possibly started a gossip cycle. If you remained calm, assuming they forgot to respond or needed time to think about it, and then followed up, you will probably get a response.

What stories are you telling yourself?

 I’ve had a Mary Kay business for 13 years. For a few of those years when I reached out to people and they didn’t respond, my mind automatically went to I’m annoying her, she doesn’t want to talk to me, or she’s not interested. Then I attended a seminar where we learned about stories.

 When an event happens, we create our own stories to answer the unknowns. What if I chose a different story – a more neutral or positive story? She’s busy right now, she can’t have her phone at work, she planned to respond later and forgot, or her kid is playing with her phone and marked it as read so she never saw it? She’s been waiting to hear from me!

The stories you tell yourself on small, seemingly insignificant things can have longterm impacts. If I had always thought every non-response was the recipient thinking I’m annoying, I would have quit my business long before earning the use of a Mary Kay car. Actually I feel fairly confident this is what holds a large number of people back in my business.

If you assume a nonresponse means someone doesn’t like you, you may run short of friends pretty quickly.

 

I’m convinced a lot of relationship drama is because of stories

Two weeks ago I sent a message on the family text thread, “Hey y’all can we have a level discussion about Christmas?” With COVID numbers skyrocketing I needed to chat and see if we could work out a safe plan for Christmas or if we should just abort the whole thing. My brother shoots back, “Hey if y’all are worried about COVID just don’t come.”

Some people read this message and will immediately get angry. How dare he say that? Some people read it and chuckle. Hey, at least he’s up front. I read it and heard it in his voice that is laid back, kind, and matter of fact. He wasn’t being mean. He just wanted us to enjoy Christmas, and if we were worried about COVID and traveling, he knew it wouldn’t be fun. He later called to clarify that, by the way.

How many people would have been offended if they saw that message, immediately assuming their brother was being a jerk and was mocking their concern for spreading COVID? It could have divided the family. 

Don’t rely on the fake news of your brain. Seek the truth

If you find yourself creating a story that may or may not be true, and it has to do with someone you love, pick up the phone and find out the truth. It is human nature to assume the worst, and your loved ones deserve better than that.

 

If you can’t get the facts, assume the best

When you can’t find the truth of the situation and you are left to rely on the stories in your own head, assume the best. Our minds are always looking for things to affirm what we believe. If you choose the story that says I am annoying, your brain will look for proof of that. It will find the most insignifcant thing to back up your story. However, if you choose to believe that people like you, they are just busy and haven’t gotten back to you yet, your brain will find proof of that.

Whether you are responding to your family member not showing up for Christmas dinner, a guy cutting you off on the interstate, or someone not responding to a text message, remember the outcome isn’t just because of the event. It is the event PLUS your response. Your response starts in your mind with the story you tell yourself. 

Check out the podcast on this topic on Spotify here

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New Podcast: When you have to be wrecked to be rebuilt

When you have to be wrecked to be rebuiltfeaturing Brittney Irving of Humbleyoke podcast

 

This weeks podcast is raw and gritty and will hopefully leave you inspired to lean into God’s goodness and promises. Brittney tells about hardships, running from God, and running towards her new calling. 

To follow Brittney check out her facebook group here:

https://www.facebook.com/humbleyoke

and the Humbleyoke podcast is on your favorite podcast platform. Here’s the link to listen on Anchor

https://anchor.fm/humbleyoke

Check out the podcast here!

When you have to be wrecked to be rebuilt

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