Terry Lander's Blog, page 2
November 23, 2011
The Road To Heaven
Verrily, I was hit by the Town and Country bus serving our local area. Before the paramedics could arrive I was summoned to His Kingdom in the sky, where I was greeted by our Lord.
"Name?" Spake He, in bounding tones.
"Terry" Spake I, after which I quoted my staff number.
"Verrily, you are individuals in the Kingdom of Heaven, not merely seen as numbers" Advised our Lord, before he rolleth his eyes.
"Am I to be taken in?" Enquired I with much concern.
"Pardon?" Spake our Lord, genuinely requesting my repeating of the question.
"Have I done thy deeds worthy of an entrance to your pad?" Paraphrased I with increasing anticipation.
"Please furnish me with said deeds, humble follower" replied Our Lord, leading me on but a little for he had heard this much before.
"That stuff in the Bible, don't do stuff and stuff" stumbled I, trying to recall the few stories I had entrusted to memory as a child. "Don't kill and maim and that" I continued.
"Stop, my child" laughed The Big Man, knowing that I was as naive as he perceived me humble, naive being a polite way of him thinking me stupid.
Then it hit me harder than the original transport facility; I had become wealthy due to my unfortunate purchase of a lottery ticket.
"Does it not say" I pressed, "That it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to make his way into Heaven?"
The Lord squinted unto my face. "Say again?"
"In the Bible..." I continued, his face finally showing some recognition.
"Ah, that again" spake Dad, Son and Holy Buttered Toast. "It's open to interpretation. Does it not say in that same text that fish must be dined upon each Friday?"
"I'll be honest" replied I, "I hadn't got to that part yet."
"For what reason should I ask you all to dine upon fish every Friday? It makes as much sense as telling you to put your rubbish out on a Wednesday" chuckled The Almighty.
"Yay, the binmen come only on a Wednesday" Retorted I, wondering if he would put a slap across my face for such a suggestion.
"That makes sense" He said unto me, making a note in his binder.
Alas, my conversation with the Lord was brought to an end by the paramedics, keen as they were to add another notch on their proverbial bedposts.
"That's put another notch on our bedposts" Suggested they, looking uncomfortably towards each other before encompassing the silence having missed the essential detail of 'proverbial'. I was alive once more.
Verrily my questions on gaining entrance to Heaven on High remain unanswered, though I will be interpreting the Holy Text a little differently from now on.
"Name?" Spake He, in bounding tones.
"Terry" Spake I, after which I quoted my staff number.
"Verrily, you are individuals in the Kingdom of Heaven, not merely seen as numbers" Advised our Lord, before he rolleth his eyes.
"Am I to be taken in?" Enquired I with much concern.
"Pardon?" Spake our Lord, genuinely requesting my repeating of the question.
"Have I done thy deeds worthy of an entrance to your pad?" Paraphrased I with increasing anticipation.
"Please furnish me with said deeds, humble follower" replied Our Lord, leading me on but a little for he had heard this much before.
"That stuff in the Bible, don't do stuff and stuff" stumbled I, trying to recall the few stories I had entrusted to memory as a child. "Don't kill and maim and that" I continued.
"Stop, my child" laughed The Big Man, knowing that I was as naive as he perceived me humble, naive being a polite way of him thinking me stupid.
Then it hit me harder than the original transport facility; I had become wealthy due to my unfortunate purchase of a lottery ticket.
"Does it not say" I pressed, "That it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to make his way into Heaven?"
The Lord squinted unto my face. "Say again?"
"In the Bible..." I continued, his face finally showing some recognition.
"Ah, that again" spake Dad, Son and Holy Buttered Toast. "It's open to interpretation. Does it not say in that same text that fish must be dined upon each Friday?"
"I'll be honest" replied I, "I hadn't got to that part yet."
"For what reason should I ask you all to dine upon fish every Friday? It makes as much sense as telling you to put your rubbish out on a Wednesday" chuckled The Almighty.
"Yay, the binmen come only on a Wednesday" Retorted I, wondering if he would put a slap across my face for such a suggestion.
"That makes sense" He said unto me, making a note in his binder.
Alas, my conversation with the Lord was brought to an end by the paramedics, keen as they were to add another notch on their proverbial bedposts.
"That's put another notch on our bedposts" Suggested they, looking uncomfortably towards each other before encompassing the silence having missed the essential detail of 'proverbial'. I was alive once more.
Verrily my questions on gaining entrance to Heaven on High remain unanswered, though I will be interpreting the Holy Text a little differently from now on.
October 22, 2011
Why eBook writers should endure the financial pain of a first print run
I'm no expert when it comes to books and writing. I went to University of course, but it was for two days and I was there to take part in a football tournament. I fell into writing and have been there ever since, enjoying the freedom of self publishing but remembering to get the critical feedback before producing anything. As it is, I now publish four other writers' work as well as my own. It keeps me busy.
I have been forced to look at the issue of print vs. eBooks as I continue in my publishing journey, keeping up to date to ensure the books I am responsible for still have an audience and that potential readers can be made aware of what we offer. I have therefore ventured in to the world of eBooks in that I have (to date) made three of my print books available through Amazon's Kindle.
When I first started writing this wasn't an option. It was 2005, lemonade was abundant and the sky was still very much blue at times. To get a book printed writers had two main options - find a publisher or self publish. The former was tough, took a long time and only seemed available to those who wrote full time or had a background of writing. That's not true for every individual author, however as a blanket statement I think I'm safe to say it. Self publishing, when done correctly, was and remains fairly expensive. It is this option that is important when considering indie authors and publishing.
When an option is available and expensive to a point that it's just within reach it forces the consumer to take their time over a decision. Nobody stumps up a large sum of cash on a whim when they know they can't go back and select a better option, a nicer colour, the one with different accessories. The same goes for books. No published book can be rearranged easily, particularly if you can only afford a small run and are taking a chance on your work. This means all doubts must be settled before the book goes to print, the cover must be perfect, the content must be studied for mistakes, the story must not feature a weird aunt who pops up for no reason. Time is taken, feedback is sought and everything is finalised before the files go off to become print.
With an eBook these details can be ignored. Sure, when a book is published it is forever. It's done. What happens when an eBook author receives the feedback that one of their paragraphs doesn't make sense, though? It is simpe to review the work, remove it from the internet and upload a new version. Bang. Nobody really notices unless the book has sold thousands of copies beforehand. This ease of editing, combined with the fact that nobody has parted with any money, makes the whole process more hideous than poor self publishing and vanity publishing combined.
It may settle down to a point where writers realise their efforts are flooding the market and putting readers off anything that is independently published, thereby negating any work they've put in anyway. However we are currently stuck with a mass of diluted story telling from writers that think editing is something done by newspapers, and I should know. I've seen hundreds of them. This morning.
I have been forced to look at the issue of print vs. eBooks as I continue in my publishing journey, keeping up to date to ensure the books I am responsible for still have an audience and that potential readers can be made aware of what we offer. I have therefore ventured in to the world of eBooks in that I have (to date) made three of my print books available through Amazon's Kindle.
When I first started writing this wasn't an option. It was 2005, lemonade was abundant and the sky was still very much blue at times. To get a book printed writers had two main options - find a publisher or self publish. The former was tough, took a long time and only seemed available to those who wrote full time or had a background of writing. That's not true for every individual author, however as a blanket statement I think I'm safe to say it. Self publishing, when done correctly, was and remains fairly expensive. It is this option that is important when considering indie authors and publishing.
When an option is available and expensive to a point that it's just within reach it forces the consumer to take their time over a decision. Nobody stumps up a large sum of cash on a whim when they know they can't go back and select a better option, a nicer colour, the one with different accessories. The same goes for books. No published book can be rearranged easily, particularly if you can only afford a small run and are taking a chance on your work. This means all doubts must be settled before the book goes to print, the cover must be perfect, the content must be studied for mistakes, the story must not feature a weird aunt who pops up for no reason. Time is taken, feedback is sought and everything is finalised before the files go off to become print.
With an eBook these details can be ignored. Sure, when a book is published it is forever. It's done. What happens when an eBook author receives the feedback that one of their paragraphs doesn't make sense, though? It is simpe to review the work, remove it from the internet and upload a new version. Bang. Nobody really notices unless the book has sold thousands of copies beforehand. This ease of editing, combined with the fact that nobody has parted with any money, makes the whole process more hideous than poor self publishing and vanity publishing combined.
It may settle down to a point where writers realise their efforts are flooding the market and putting readers off anything that is independently published, thereby negating any work they've put in anyway. However we are currently stuck with a mass of diluted story telling from writers that think editing is something done by newspapers, and I should know. I've seen hundreds of them. This morning.
July 31, 2011
Lyvit T-Shirts
Lyvit clothing is now available.
T-Shirts £15
Hoodies £30
Kids T-Shirts from £12
(Stickers £1.51)
http://www.redbubble.com/people/lyvit...
T-Shirts £15
Hoodies £30
Kids T-Shirts from £12
(Stickers £1.51)
http://www.redbubble.com/people/lyvit...
July 18, 2011
Lyvit Artwork @ RedBubble
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Sunset Over Big Ben
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Love-A-Duck
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Rock Face At Rinsey
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Mushroom Spotlight
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Welsh Apple
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Bissoe Marsh
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Rinsey Rocks
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Footprint In …
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Mining Monument
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Fuck Is Not A…
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Bissoe In Summer
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Beach Sunset
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June 3, 2011
Why I hate Sci Fi
I don't hate all Sci Fi, that would be mad. I do hate most of it, though. Here's why.
When facing a dilemma a person has a limited number of choices. With a rabid dog snarling on their path, running away or kicking the crap out of it are the only likely scenarios. There may be a broken bottle nearby or a hoodie with a samurai sword he's nicked but that's about it. There's a rabid dog, sort it out.
When it comes to Sci Fi there are endless possibilities. This is fantastic for writers and readers with amazing imaginations, however when I pick up a book or watch a film I tend to want a plausible conclusion - battered heads, broken legs, even a counselling session where the rabid dog realises the error of it's ways, apologises and takes the time to contact anybody it may have upset over the years.
An infinite number of improbable weapons or situations such as time travel have never appealed to me as, at the time of going to press, it could never happen. I've dreamed of what I might do if I could travel back in time, leaving the images firmly in my head. I don't want to deny anybody their right to the sublime, it's more that my subconscious can't detach itself from real life. I have a long writing career ahead of me if all goes well and I'm sure I will run out of probable scenarios, but when I do make sure I haven't fallen into another world in another dimension.
My feet should remain firmly on the ground at all times.
When facing a dilemma a person has a limited number of choices. With a rabid dog snarling on their path, running away or kicking the crap out of it are the only likely scenarios. There may be a broken bottle nearby or a hoodie with a samurai sword he's nicked but that's about it. There's a rabid dog, sort it out.
When it comes to Sci Fi there are endless possibilities. This is fantastic for writers and readers with amazing imaginations, however when I pick up a book or watch a film I tend to want a plausible conclusion - battered heads, broken legs, even a counselling session where the rabid dog realises the error of it's ways, apologises and takes the time to contact anybody it may have upset over the years.
An infinite number of improbable weapons or situations such as time travel have never appealed to me as, at the time of going to press, it could never happen. I've dreamed of what I might do if I could travel back in time, leaving the images firmly in my head. I don't want to deny anybody their right to the sublime, it's more that my subconscious can't detach itself from real life. I have a long writing career ahead of me if all goes well and I'm sure I will run out of probable scenarios, but when I do make sure I haven't fallen into another world in another dimension.
My feet should remain firmly on the ground at all times.
