S.V. Brosius's Blog, page 2

Good Grief, Bad Grief

I recall something my aunt said when Grandma passed away three years after my Grandpa. "When you lose both your parents, you feel like an orphan." Now I know what she meant. I do feel like an orphan. I am no longer someone's daughter. I will never hear my parents' voices or feel their hugs ever again. No more Sunday lunches at their house. No more Christmases or birthdays to celebrate together. It is over. Final.

The good part of grief: I value what they taught me even more than I already did. The importance of being strong for others when they need you. The value of hard work and perseverance. Believing in God. I feel compelled to preserve their legacy and pass it on to my children.

The bad part of grief: I find myself wanting to withdraw from the world sometimes. The pain of losing my parents never completely goes away. I feel like Buffy the Vampire Slayer when she talks about "going through the motions" as she carries out her slaying duties after her life-altering experience in the TV show. There is a connection that is permanently missing in my life and all I can do is make new connections or stregthen existing ones to surround the empty hole so it doesn't get any bigger.

Writers block is plaguing me at the moment. I am close to finishing my novel, but life and all its ups and downs are making it hard for me. I am grateful to the readers who have supported my two poetry books and to those who have given me words of encouragement to keep on writing. Patience with myself is something I'm still working on.

Endless Inspiration

Whenever I am not working at my day job, I like to inundate myself with audiobooks, reading, music, TV shows, and movies. Twice a month, I enjoy playing Dungeons and Dragons as a very novice wood elf druid. It's fun to problem solve with the spells and weapons I have on hand. The best part of keeping my creativity flowing with endless sources of inspiration: I get flashes of ideas for scenes, dialogue, and settings for the novels I have in the works.

There are times I crave silence as well. In those glorious moments, I can sit outside and absorb the comforting warmth of the sun and smell the fresh grass. I have a small garden that gives me that little jolt of excitement when I finally see a little green sprout emerging from the soil. Now, I don't have a green thumb by any means. I am truly a beginner when it comes to gardening. Baking is something else I enjoy and can do by myself. Visualizing what the end result will be and what it will taste like taps into my creativity. Or, I can sit in my writing room and meditate and work on my writing in peace and quiet. Ultimately, I try to take nothing for granted.

I have been working on the final revisions of my first novel for over a month now. It is tedious and frustrating, to be completely honest. However, I am starting to regain some of the joy that I felt when I first began writing this story. After my manuscript was evaluated by an editor, I began focusing on the pacing and character development. I still have a long way to go and much more to learn! Patience with myself is a must as I carefully craft this romantic tale I have held close to my heart for a very long time.

The Ferris Wheel of Life

My grandmother enjoyed the Ferris wheel. I remember sitting next to her as the ride brought us up as high as we could go, then back down again. I reveled in the anticipation of the wheel halting at the very top, just so I could see the entire amusement park from my vantage point and try to spot the rest of the family. It also gave Grandma and I an opportunity to study the moon: our favorite object in the night sky. Bright lights, lively music, and the smell of popcorn permeated the ambiance. The feeling of endless possibilities and a slightly cool breeze made the evening perfect for a young girl like me.

The realization that my life has been like a Ferris wheel struck me as I worked away in my office the other day. Every spoke of the giant wheel has led to a different life experience for me. Some of the spokes represent the different fields I have worked in: some independently and some with a team. Just like riding the Ferris wheel: sometimes you ride with someone and sometimes you ride alone. One car would be shiny, new, and spotless, representing an up and coming new business, whereas another would be rusty and old with a ripped seat, representing a dilapidated building with an elderly boss that still ran things "old school." Other spokes represent my relationships with my friends, my family, and my significant others. Every spoke that makes up my Ferris wheel is who I am. As tempting as it is to forget about the not-so-great moments or the not-so-great people, it would be as if I were attempting to remove one "car." It would throw the entire balance off and fall apart.

Have you ever felt like just getting off the ride? I know I have. The ride operator never seems to notice when you've been on longer than you wanted, or when you haven't been on long enough and are forced to vacate your seat. The best part of the Ferris Wheel is that it doesn't stay in the same position for long. Being down is temporary and eventually you make it to the top again. You just have to stay on the ride.

It was easy to mistake other people as being the operator of my Ferris wheel. It was really God who was operating it all along, but letting me have the controls once in a while for good measure! Trusting God with your Ferris wheel isn't easy but so worth it when your wheel stays balanced and runs smoothly, even during the low times.

Change

Normalcy. It's comforting. It's familiar. It's necessary for my well-being.

Unexpected Change: It's usually the exact opposite of Normalcy.

Self-Induced Change: It stems from a desire to create a new Normalcy once it's discovered that the old Normalcy is either toxic or not conducive to achieving a new goal.

I recently made a self-induced change in my life. I am in a period of adjustment. The hard part is resolving the lingering emotions tied to my decision. Sometimes, it's hard to let go of what is familiar, even though leaving it behind is necessary for your mental health. Thankfully, I'm not alone in this new journey as my family made this decision with me.

I truly look forward to all the new opportunities this change will bring for me and my family. The best part is: I know I have a great and powerful God on my side. He continues to bless me even though I don't deserve it.

Change is necessary to achieve a certain level of self-care. I know that if I don't take care of myself, I won't be able to take care of my loved ones the way I want to. Making a change involves taking a risk, but I believe that more often than not, the rewards are plentiful. Now, as I eagerly await suggestions from my editor about my manuscript, I can sum up this new journey with a single Italian word: "Impavido!"

Reflections on the year 2020

Well, it is now 2021 and we survived the crazy year that was 2020. For some, it was a miserable year. For others, including me, it was a year full of positive changes. I made the decision to pursue my love of writing and become a published author. I was able to spend quality time with my family. I bought a new car that I love. Thanks to Marie Kondo, I was inspired to begin tidying my house and I never felt better about throwing stuff away as I did after reading her book, "The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up."

Of course, let's address the elephant in the room: COVID-19. I had to get used to taking a mask with me whenever I went into a public place. When shopping, we had to account for our stock of toilet paper and get one extra pack if we were even remotely getting low. Scheduling became much more necessary, as many businesses reduced their hours of operation or simply closed all together. We also had to make time to help the kids with the extra homework they were given after they were put on remote schooling. Yes, it was a crazy year.

However, I enjoyed eating in the restaurants that remained open because we usually got right in, had excellent service and excellent quality food, and plenty of space around us so we could visit with each other and hear what we were saying!

The best part of 2020 was my creativity went into overdrive and I experienced some of the happiest moments of my life. I look forward to the amazing things 2021 will bring!

This Christmas Season

There is an excitement that comes around this time of year. I love smelling the holiday frangrances such as pumpkin spice, frosted evergreen trees, campfires, and roasted nuts. For me, the day starts with my favorite way to warm up first thing in the morning: a hot cup of dark roast coffee or Cafe Americano. Pulling out the Christmas decorations soon follow and the anticipation of baking goodies to take here and there. I might even be so bold as to create a new recipe if the mood strikes me. Of course, there is all the Christmas gift shopping and helping the kids with their Christmas gift shopping. I know from past experience that I can prepare weeks in advance but still not be completely ready for Christmas when it shows up much sooner than anticipated. Therefore, this lifelong planner has learned to be flexible and not have a complete freak out when the unexpected happens. Of course, I couldn't survive the holiday season without my husband. To say that we balance each other out is an understatement. He's my rock when I need him to be and he lets me do my own thing when I need to be left alone.

Getting back into my writing has given me so much joy that I feel whole again. I have also immersed myself in reading lots of books, both with my eyes and my ears. There are so many talented authors out there and I can only hope to impact others as they have impacted me. I have many blessings in my life to be thankful for this Christmas. I am grateful to those who have supported me thus far with my writing career and I wish everyone a very Merry Christmas and prosperous New Year. 2021 - we are ready for you!

The Balancing Act

Inspiration comes and goes. If I'm fortunate enough to be within reach of my trusty laptop, I can start working on the idea right away. Like most days, I'm either at work, or driving, or running errands when a scene will pop into my head. I am truly thankful for the Notes app on my iphone so I can jot down ideas as they come. If I'm driving, I can talk to Siri and he'll do it for me! I love listening to males with accents, so I currently have Siri as a British male and I enjoy asking him to do things for me.

Being resourceful is a valuable skill that I have learned over the years. From supporting my husband when he puts in long hours, taking care of my two children, keeping the house semi-clean, maintaining the laundry and cooking, and working more than forty hours a week, I know how important it is to squeeze in some "me" time. Learning how to schedule when necessary, but still be open to those spontaneous date nights or family outings is part of being resourceful. I try to be prepared for either. I think mothers are naturally inclined to bring more than what may be necessary, just in case. There were plenty of times when going out in public with my children I thanked my lucky stars that I was resourceful enough to pack an extra set of clothes, a pack of snacks, etc.

My "me" time includes my writing. There is nothing like taking your mind to a completely different world, whether it's only for a few minutes or a few hours. However, the great thing about balancing work, family life, and writing is that I tend to find inspiration more often and in more ways. I live a very full life, but it sure is a blessed life.