Helen Cox's Blog, page 3

Getting Back to Baking: Ginger Cake

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As a writer, I spend most of my week staring at my laptop and consequently at the weekends, I try to focus on activities that don’t involve a computer screen. Journaling, walking and writing letters to my penpals feature regularly but for 2017, I’m also getting back into baking.

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I’ve always found baking really relaxing but the kitchens in the properties we’ve rented haven’t been conducive to my cooking style. i.e. they’ve been small, which means it is difficult for me to use every pot and pan available and still have room to work.

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But over Christmas we moved to a new property in North London where the kitchen is much more spacious. This means more baking. I’ve done the calculations, and this also means more cake.

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I received this new hand mixer for Christmas and got an inordinate amount of pleasure trying it out for the first time this weekend.

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It had been a while since I’d put my apron on, so I started off simple with a ginger loaf (drizzled with lemon icing) but the big life goal for 2017 is to perfect my own Jam Roly-Poly recipe.

Yes, that is an achievement I consider worthy of the term ‘life goal.’

What about it?

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New Year, New York: There’s No Place Like Home

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My second novel: Secrets and Fries at the Starlight Diner, takes place over the festive period and, at the beginning of the story, the lead character Bonnie Brooks is struggling to find her place in the world . She’s between apartments, on the run and unable to turn to her family for help. More than anything Bonnie just wants to find a safe space to rest and regroup.

In the odd way in which life can reflect art, and vice versa, I found myself in a state of flux when it came to my own living arrangements over the Christmas period. Due to my husband’s job, we had to move house at pretty short notice from York to London. The removal van arrived on the 22nd of December and delivered all our belongings at the new flat on the 23rd December. It was an unwelcome but necessary shift. It was painful to once again see my life boxed up into dull cardboard; a sight I feel I’ve seen too many times in my life. Certainly, I’ve watched that happen more times than I’d like.

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In truth, much like it has for Bonnie, home has proven rather elusive to me. I’ve never owned my own property out right and have lost count of the number of house moves, even within a given city. One of my aunts used up the whole ‘C’ portion of her address book just trying to keep track of where I was living. And as a result it’s been difficult to feel a sense of belonging anywhere except around the streets and rivers and hills of Yorkshire, where I grew up.

With this in mind, I suppose it’s not all that surprising that I created the fictional Starlight Diner. Let’s put a pin in the fact that I’m generally obsessed by food. The Starlight Diner is a place where all are welcome and where even strangers can find a home. It’s a quest I’m still on myself and the other day I penned this poem on the topic. It’s just a first draft, complete with crossings out but worth sharing, I think.

[image error]Fellow author, Helen Fields accused me of being an optimist after reading the Starlight Diner series. She’s a very smart lady, and I guess I can’t deny it any longer…

I enjoy giving my characters happy endings. Especially when it comes to finding a place they belong. Maybe I relish this even more because in that respect, I’m still working on my  own happy ending. Still, just like my characters I’m on a journey, and each step I take on that journey is an important one, whether I realise it or appreciate it or not at the time. We can never know exactly where life will lead us next. We just sort of have to trust that day by day we’re where we’re meant to be and express as much gratitude as we can for what we’ve been given.

The first two books in the Starlight Diner series are out now.

New Year, New York: Leonard Cohen and Clinton Street

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My second novel: Secrets and Fries at the Starlight Diner takes place over the New Year period. With New Year’s Eve just a few days away, I thought I’d write a few pieces about the Starlight Diner series and how they’ve weirdly wound up tied to some key events in 2016 and reflect my own hopes for the year ahead.

In this first New Year, New York post, I talk about the influence Leonard Cohen had on my first novel.

The first time I heard the name ‘Clinton Street’ was in a song by Leonard Cohen called Famous Blue Raincoat. Cohen lived on Clinton Street, New York City during the 1970s and wrote the following lyrics:

New York is cold

but I like where I’m living

there’s music on Clinton Street

all through the evening.

Something about the haunting quality of Cohen’s voice in this record caught my imagination. That, and the fact I’m rather obsessed with New York City. I listened to that song many times over and started researching the meaning behind the lyrics.

Most would understand on a first listen that this is a song about a love triangle of sorts, but the surprising element is that the third party was, in Cohen’s eyes, a mythical, invisible figure. In an interview with the BBC in 1994, Cohen revealed that he often envisioned an invisible man seducing his partners. Or that perhaps he was that figure in the relationships of other people he knew.

The more I thought about that idea, the more it seemed to me there was scope for a thought-provoking story. But what if the invisible man wasn’t seducing the woman? What if he was an object of fear in her life. A presence she wanted to escape?

All of these thoughts were fragments when they first came to me. I had no idea I’d actually do anything with them. That when I began writing my first novel, about a waitress in a fictional diner situated where East Houston Street meets Clinton, it quickly became apparent that this was the story where that seed of inspiration was going to blossom.

As a way of acknowledging Cohen’s influence, I included the following conversation between Jack and Esther in chapter three of Milkshakes and Heartbreaks at the Starlight Diner:

‘So whereabouts do you live?’ Jack asked, edging towards me with the same caution an animal control officer might exhibit whilst entrapping a mad dog.

‘If you must know, on Clinton Street.’ I took off my apron and folded it up on the counter. ‘The rent is so pricey I live largely on leftovers from this place but I wanted to be on that street. It’s mentioned in this Leonard Cohen record I’ve always loved.’

‘Oh. Famous Blue Raincoat.’

At this, I looked at him and now it was my turn to frown. ‘Yes,’ I said. ‘That’s right.’

‘It’s a powerful song,’ he smiled. Not his charming, glitzy smile but a softer, subtler version that was somehow more appealing.

‘Yes. It, it is. I went through this phase when I was a teenager of listening to it every day. It’s sort of hauntingly beautiful for reasons I’ve never been able to articulate.’

He nodded as though he understood.

***

This was a song so close to my heart, I wanted to use it in a way that helped my characters to connect. I wanted the song to somehow draw them closer. Songs are after all, stories and those who like the same stories as us often have similar experiences and perspectives. Anyone who has ever made somebody a mix tape knows what I’m talking about. Whether or not they like it is a bit of a deal breaker. This is the first time Esther suspects that she might have something in common with Jack. That perhaps there is a connection there worth exploring, if only she can overcome what has happened to her in the past.

Of course, when I wrote this I had no idea that Cohen would pass away within the year. That what was meant as a grateful nod would also become my own personal tribute to the inspirational nature of his songs.

In addition to Cohen, so many people have passed on this year who have personally inspired me. David Bowie, Alan Rickman, Harper Lee, Victoria Wood, Prince, Anton Yelchin, Kenny Baker, Gene Wilder, George Michael and Carrie Fisher. And there are probably yet others I could add. Although the temptation is to be sad about the fact they cannot give us anything ‘new’, I choose instead to be grateful to have been alive at the same time they were. To witness the incredible offerings they made to the world while they were with us, which live on as their legacy every time we return to them and take something away from them.

We may have lost a lot of people who were special to us in 2016, but they had already made us rich with all they’d given us.

New York City: My Top 5 Festive Film Moments

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My next New York-set novel Secrets and Fries at the Starlight Diner is out on Friday 16th December via Avon Books, and takes place over the holiday season. To celebrate, I thought I’d slide into full-on Film Nerd Mode and share my top five festive film moments set in the city that never sleeps.

To be honest, I’m one of those irritating people who goes around telling everyone Die Hard is my favourite Christmas film. Not to be contrary. It’s just, in my opinion, Bruce Willis jumping off the top of an exploding skyscraper attached only by a fire hose is the greatest moment in cinematic history (anyone who has read the first Starlight Diner novel will know there is a little nod to this in the book). Let alone the greatest moment in a Christmas film.

Though I thought I might be able to strategically crow bar Die Hard into this list on the basis that John McClane is a New York cop, I ultimately decided against it. Because the truth is, and please keep this to yourselves, I’m a sensitive little sucker. And all the good will flying around at this time of year makes me melt faster than Raymond Briggs’ Snowman. Thus, if I’m going to write a piece about my top five festive film moments in New York City, I’m going to do it right.

5. You’ve Got Mail: Meg Ryan Decorates Her Christmas Tree. 

Kathleen Kelly (played by Meg Ryan) is too cute in this film. Firstly, she owns an independent bookshop. Secondly, she’s writing letters to a dreamy mystery man (well, alright – emails. It’s less romantic but still, it’s pretty hot), and she gets to utter this truly brilliant line: “all this nothing has meant more to me than so many somethings.”

But the moment in You’ve Got Mail that really makes my heart throb is when Kathleen Kelly dresses her Christmas tree. Carefully placing hand-made decorations on the boughs, thinking about her absent mother and watching shoppers drift by in the snow while talking about one of my favourite songs: River by Joni Mitchell. The whole sequence is so thoughtfully-composed it’s impossible not to relate to the many feelings Kathleen reflects on, as many of us do when the year is drawing to a close.

4. Ghostbusters 2: The Statue of Liberty Takes a Stroll on New Year’s Eve

Desperately looking for a way to lift the spirits of the disgruntled, slime-conjuring New York citizens, Venkman, Stantz, Zeddmore and Spengler take the Statue of Liberty for a New Year stroll along the streets of Manhattan*, if awards were being handed out for Most Surreal Festive Film Moments, this one would definitely be in the running.

I love how unapologetically bonkers this scene is on a conceptual level, especially as the statue is inspired to walk by a Jackie Wilson tune. The second Ghostbusters film isn’t quite a match for the first in terms of razor sharp dialogue but this sequence is worth watching if only for the classic line: “I don’t think they make Nikes in her size, Ray.”

* Those readers wishing to keep Ghostbusters 2-related fantasies intact should avoid visiting Liberty Island for real. I went there on my honeymoon and, on seeing her in the flesh, I was unconvinced that Lady Liberty is tall enough for the Ghostbusters 2 finale to take place in real life. I explained my concerns to my husband in some detail, who at the time had only been married to me for nine days. He gave me a hug, but the sense of loss is still very real.

3. Home Alone 2: Lost in New York: Kevin’s Christmas Tree monologue.

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Macaulay Culkin does a stellar job of conveying the more meddling elements of Kevin McCallister’s character in the first two Home Alone films but he’s also able to dial it down for the quieter, introspective moments that give the movies their heart.

His monologue to the Christmas tree outside the Rockerfeller Center at the end of the film is enough to put a lump in anyone’s throat as he speaks from the most selfless part of who he is. Asking not for presents, but for the opportunity to take back ill deeds and see his family again just so he can say he is sorry for the trouble he’s caused. Though this film relies heavily on jokes established in the first outing for its laughs, messages about forgiveness and redemption are woven through the merciless brutality and regular screaming at the fourth wall. For this reason, it is still a firm festive favourite for me. This, and the fact that Ally Sheedy puts in an entertaining cameo at JFK airport. A well-placed in-joke for fans of John Hughes’ earlier works.

2. Miracle on 34th Street: This man IS Santa Claus

Santa arguably already has enough on his plate at this time of year without having to prove his identity to disbelieving Manhattanites, but in A Miracle on 34th Street that’s exactly what he’s charged to do.

There are lots of delicious little moments in this film. Such as the discovery that Santa lists his work colleagues Dasher, Dancer, Comet and Blitzen as next of kin on his work permit. But the defining moment of this film for me is when Kris Kringle is officially recognised as Santa Claus by the State and the naysayers have no choice but to admit defeat and believe. Regardless of the time of year, I don’t think there’s a more important ideal to hold to than holding onto faith and believing in ourselves, and in others.

1.  When Harry Met Sally: Dancing cheek-to-cheek.

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At a New Year’s Eve party, best friends Harry and Sally dance cheek-to-cheek only to secretly realise there may be more between them than friendship. I know that at the end of the film there is another BIG New Year moment but actually, this one is just as beautiful as the iconic speech Billy Crystal delivers later.

It’s the first time the pair acknowledge their potential for deeper intimacy. Meg Ryan’s face perfectly captures the heady excitement and paralysing fear that grips us when we first realise we care deeply for another. Her expression gives me butterflies every time I watch this scene play out. It’s a moment that fizzes with unspoken desire. And since I’m a romantic at heart it’s the moment tops my little list with ease.

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If this has put you in the mood for more festive fun set in New York City, you might want to order Secrets and Fries at the Starlight Diner which will hit e-readers this Friday.

My 35-Year-Old Human Body

This is my 35-year-old human body. It doesn’t represent me at my slimmest or at my heaviest. It’s just what it looks like today. I don’t have hard abs. I don’t have slim hips, and my addiction to cake, pasta and pizza will probably ensure I never do. Still, despite what other people might see as ‘flaws’, as a gift to myself on my 35th birthday, I’ve made a choice from here forward to see my body as beautiful.

I’ll let you into a secret about this body. For the last 25 years, regardless of what the scales have told me or what size dress I’ve pulled off the peg, I’ve  hated it. At best, I’ve accepted my body as adequate and have gone to horrible lengths in order to make this body all I thought it had to be.

Like most young people concerned about their weight, I’ve skipped meals and starved myself. But in my twenties I also ensured I went to the gym seven days a week. No big deal, right? Lots of people do. Sure, but most people don’t also run and cycle for miles on top of that and team their activity with a diet strictly composed of salad and fruit.

No carbs. No protein. No substance.

It’s unsurprising to me that in a lot of the photographs taken in my early to mid-twenties, I look gaunt, tired and generally unwell. It was about that time that I was insisting on doing two hundred ab crunches a day. Until my mother found out that I was bleeding from my belly button and forbid me from doing any at all.

When I slowed down on the exercise I became even stricter with my food. So strict that I couldn’t maintain it and gained a lot of weight in a very short period of time before yet again finding ways to restrict myself in a bid to regain control of my eating, exercise and body shape. It was, for many years, a constant yo-yo of punishment and rebellion and the only casualty in this inner war, was me.

It got better over time. I started prioritising my health over my looks but I still didn’t think there was anything beautiful about me. I just couldn’t see it. And I only see now how deeply that affected my confidence. Because confidence, I believe, comes from embracing all parts of who you are. And I just wasn’t able to do that.

Is this embarrassing to admit? Yes. I’m ashamed of the way I have tortured my body to extremes, physically and psychologically, because I didn’t think it good enough. When in truth, my body was a gift I was given without even having to ask for it. As too was my life. And isn’t it ungrateful not to make the most of what we’re given? When presented with any gift, for us to say: ‘that’s not good enough.’

I’m not suggesting that I won’t try to make healthy food choices or that I’m never going to do any exercise ever again. I’ve always walked for miles; explored the countryside. The rivers. The hills. The hidden pathways. And I want to stay healthy; I want to look after the gift I’ve been given. But anything in excess, even exercise, can be damaging.

Of course philosophising about body issues is all well and good but how do those of us who suffer from them stamp out the lies we’ve told ourselves for years? Well, here’s my next embarrassing confession: I did it by taking a few photographs of my body… you know… not wearing all my clothes.

I get that it’s 2016 and that almost everybody on the planet has photographed their body for one reason or another. But though historians will tell you I was born a Millennial, I have an old-fashioned heart.  The images could be deleted with one digital click but the idea of photographing my body was still frightening, completely alien and in many respects, absurd. Even so, pushing through this personal limit changed my perspective on my body, and in turn changed my life.

When I looked at the photographs, I couldn’t believe what I saw… where was this hideous monster I’d been imagining in my head? No really, where was she? I had some questions for her…

Nerve-wracking though it was, taking this step helped me realise my body was beautiful. For the first time in 35 years, I was seeing what was actually there. Not some grotesque projection in my head. And I don’t mind telling you that when I really saw myself, I cried.

It was relief. Relief that I’d been so wrong. Relief that I no longer had to torture myself and deem myself less worthy just because I didn’t fit into the size zero box society had constructed for me. That I could find beauty in what I looked like without that. My tears were also down to gratitude for the body I have and how lucky I am to have it.

Mam bought me this necklace for my birthday. It’s a quote from Jane Eyre and when we picked it out, she told me it was me. This is how people see me. A completely free spirit. Ensnared by no net. And though in so many respects that is true, I have kept this secret: that I have been caught in a net of sorts. The net of my own negativity.My own refusal to see anything beautiful when I look in the mirror.

But now, I’m done with that. The truth is, if you look for beauty, you find it.

I’m so grateful to all the people in my life who told me I was beautiful before I could see that beauty for myself. And I apologise to you for taking so long to come around on this one.

I promise the next personal epiphany will not be 25 years in the making. Probably.

Secrets and Fries: The Prologue

A month today, my second novel: Secrets and Fries at the Starlight Diner will be available for your reading pleasure. To mark this occasion I decided to make a video and read the prologue to you whilst wearing my unicorn sweater. If there’s a more magnificent way of celebrating the fact that a month today my next book will be in the hands of readers, I don’t know what it is.

P.S. Secrets and Fries does feature a blue-haired protagonist

Click here to watch my latest video. 

If you’d like to purchase my book, you can do so here, and I will love you for it.

A Dog Blog

We’re one of those families who have always adopted dogs. In fact, any stray with a loyal heart will find a home with us. The door is always open. A hot drink waiting. And, as our Mam seem intent on keeping Nestle single-handedly afloat, you won’t be able to pass over the threshold without being presented with a KitKat.

This is just how we roll.

The dog in the picture above is the newest adoptee in the Cox family residence. Rosie is a beautiful, deeply-sensitive, loving creature. But she, like so many of us, finds it difficult to trust because of the cruelty she has experienced.

Rosie was rescued from a farm on which all of the dogs were being shot. She watched her owner gun down some of the other animals before she was taken away. She came to us with a hunch in her back. Barely daring to lift her head to make eye contact. For the first few weeks she had to be walked onto her bed at night on a leash because she didn’t understand it was for her. Her joints are bare of fur from where she has slept on hard surfaces for years. She was a work dog. She doesn’t understand what it means to cherished for who she is rather than what she can do for another. She doesn’t understand what it is to truly belong.

Slowly, she is coming to understand what family is. She is gaining confidence as we show her more and more love. The first time I met her she wouldn’t even lie down on the floor. She wasn’t comfortable enough to. She wanted to be ready to run, in case she needed to. To protect herself, like she’s always had to. Over time she will learn that though it’s a valuable skill to be able to protect herself, she doesn’t have to all the time. We will do that, because we love her.

This honest, loyal little soul who we’ve taken in, is a reminder that one of the most difficult tracks any of us walk in this life is that of trust. I empathise with Rosie, some part of all of us does. When we’ve been hurt, trusting others is difficult. Knowing who to give your trust to seems an impossible conundrum.

It seems easier not to. If we don’t trust others, they can never hurt us that way again.

But watching Rosie in her early days with us, cowering away from love, it also reminded me that when we make that choice not to trust, we lose. We hurt ourselves. We miss out on being close to the best people life introduces us to because we never truly take them into our heart.

Rosie deserves to feel that kind of love. Deserves to know that there are people in the world who will protect her with all their might. That she is precious and wanted and that anyone who deems her expendable or who would exploit her good nature doesn’t deserve her company.

And, I think, we all deserve to know that. If more of us did, there’d be a lot less desperation in the world. And more kindness.

Secrets and Fries: The Proof Copy Arrives

Hey guys. I’ve signed up for one of those Youtube Channels you kids have been talking about. This is my first ever self-made Youtube video and it’s of me opening a proof copy of my second novel: Secrets and Fries at the Starlight Diner.

I can neither confirm nor deny whether I let out an excited squeal in this video…

I picked out my goofiest shirt for the occasion. Enjoy!

Author Q&A: Richard Carter

I just love talking to writers about their writing journey. Even though all authors are working towards the same goal, finishing written work in some format, it seems we all go about it in very different ways. For instance, when writing my first novel I spent about 30% of my time writing and around 70% lying on the living room floor in the foetal position.

It felt like a valid lifestyle choice at the time…

On the blog today, I’m joined by writer and photographer Richard Carter who no doubt takes a much more mature and sober approach to these things than I do (I hope). He’s in the process of putting the finishing touches to his book: On the Moor: Excursions into Science, History and Nature, a book that explores some of the stories behind a walk across the countryside in Calderdale, West Yorkshire. Being a Northern lass, and a lover of the natural world, myself, I was intrigued by Richard’s book and he kindly agreed to talk to me about the process of writing it.

Thanks for joining me on the blog today Richard. Could you start off by telling me what your book is about and where the idea came from?

I had been mulling vague ideas around in my head for some time. I knew I wanted to write about one of the subjects that most interest me: nature, the countryside, science, and history. I had been re-reading lots of books by my favourite authors; seeking inspiration; brainstorming in my writing journal, when it suddenly dawned on me that many of my favourite ‘nature’ writers don’t write so much about nature as about places. I had been taking regular walks on the Moor above my home in Hebden Bridge for two decades, so why not write about the things I encounter on my walks up there, and the science and history behind them? I chose the working title On the Moor because the book is set on the Moor, and is on the subject of the Moor.

I’ve spent many an afternoon walking the moorlands myself and am not surprised they inspired you in this way. But have you always been a writer? When did you first realise that writing was something you wanted to do as a profession?

At the back of my mind, I’ve always wanted to be a writer. I’ve written as a hobby for years, maintaining several websites and blogs, and I have a lengthy and long-running (26-year) correspondence with a close friend. But it wasn’t until 2011 that I realised, if I was ever going to get that book inside me published, I’d better get off my backside and start writing!

Ha! Oh yes, that old conundrum of knowing the book you want to write and then realising you have to write it. So, what is it you love most about the writing process?

The thing I most enjoyed as I was writing On the Moor (apart from the walks, obviously) was the research. From the beginning, I had a pretty good idea about many of the subjects I wanted to cover in the book, but, as I began to dig deeper into those subjects, I started to discover all sorts of fascinating stuff, which kept leading me off on new tangents (the ‘excursions’ of the book’s subtitle).

As to the actual writing, I was surprised at how much I enjoyed writing the second draft, which is where the hard work really began. Having got the ideas written down, I now had the challenge of making my book a more entertaining read—as well as cutting back on my beloved semi-colons and em-dashes.

Oh, for the love of semi-colons! Yes, I feel your pain. Many of them have to be lopped out of the final draft even though they are beautiful. But semi-colon culling aside, what is the most challenging aspect of writing for you and how do you deal with that challenge?

My greatest challenge is the self-doubt. Catch me on a good day, and I’m prepared to admit that I think I might actually be a half-decent writer. But, whenever I read my own writing, I invariably think it’s absolutely terrible: it always reads as if I wrote it; not a real writer! To make matters worse, this insecurity means I’m an incorrigible tweaker: I’ll spend hours on end going back and trying to make what I’ve written so far absolutely perfect, rather than moving on and getting the damn thing finished.

I overcame the problem of being unable to read my own writing dispassionately in an entirely unexpected way. It might not work for everybody, but it certainly worked for me. I decided I needed to know more about e-books, so I bought a Kindle and, as an experiment, converted the first drafts of my early chapters into e-book format. When I read through them on my Kindle, it suddenly felt as if I was reading a real book, rather than something I had just written. I was suddenly able to see which bits of my writing were good, and which genuinely needed more work.

As for the tweaking, I set myself an unbreakable rule: once I had finished the first draft of a particular chapter, I was forbidden from returning to it until the whole book had been finished. This was incredibly difficult, but it really helped to think of it as a rule that must not be broken.

Wow. No revisiting chapters until the whole book is finished? You are truly a bigger and better person than I. That takes will power. What are your hopes or plans for your book now?

A Nobel Prize would be nice, but I just want to get it out there. For all my grand talk, my no tweaking rule only works for the first draft. After that, it’s tweaking all the way. I’m currently working on my sixth and (definitely, definitely) final draft.

If you could offer advice for someone starting to write their first book, what would you say to them?

I’ve already written an article about the single best piece of writing advice I was given: keep a writing journal.

I would also advise people not to rush into it. Take time to mull things over, to work out exactly what it is you want to write about. Your writing journal is almost certainly the best place to do this.

You can find out more about Richard’s writing projects by visiting his website .

Soundcloud Broadcast 2: How do I cope with bad reviews?

Due to popular demand I have recorded my Yorkshire accent again and have streamed it over the internet for your listening pleasure.

If you can’t access the broadcast above, there’s a direct link here.

I was asked by a lovely lady called Annie on GoodReads to record a broadcast about how I deal with bad reviews. A mere three months after I was asked, I got around to talking for thirteen minutes about this touchy topic. Here’s hoping that what I’ve got to say helps you deal with something that absolutely  every writer has to battle with.