Shawn D. Congleton's Blog, page 3

Lessons Learned from Ch. 6 of NEVER SETTLED – The Body Keeps the Score

Chapter 6, Loogootee Pt. 2 was a chapter in extreme contrasts, moving from the innocence and fun childhood days in an eighties Indiana small town similar to that of Stranger Things to the most emotional and terrifying moments of despair when my dad attacked us with his belt and his bark for not doing our chores.

There are moments when I wonder, why am I so emotional? How can my childhood have such an effect on me more than thirty years later? Yet, as I reread this chapter, I don’t wonder the answer to these questions. I remember. And cry, even if just internally.

The end of chapter 6 reminds me of the great fear and sadness of my early childhood. It reminds me of why I hated my dad for so many years. It reminds me of why I wanted out of my family as a teenager. It reminds me of why I never wanted to return for years as an adult. 

If there is one lesson I learn as I recall these memories, it is simply that childhood trauma can have a long lasting effect on a person. There is a saying in our school district that serves many underprivileged students. When a staff member is struggling with a student’s behavior, “don’t ask yourself, what is wrong with this child?,  ask yourself, what happened to this child?”

The implications are huge. When children experience traumatic events, it can wreak havoc on their behavior. This is the body’s response & best effort to survive.

I started reading a book a while back called, The Body Keeps The Score by Bessel van der Kolk. The topic in a sentence was, how to overcome trauma with a new paradigm for healing. I only made it through Chapter 1. It was an intriguing read for sure and filled with some hope. But, it hurt too much to read and recall.

This wasn’t the first time my memories & emotions kept me from reading a book. Several years back I watched the movie, The Glass Castle with Woody Harrelson and Brie Larson. It was an intriguing movie where the family in poverty moved a lot & they were impacted by the father’s alcoholism. Sound familiar? Yeah, it did to me too.

As I watched the movie, I thought about how similar my story was. But, another thought also entered my mind. Her story isn’t nearly as bad as mine. AND my story has a way better outcome, filled with more hope. Such began my decision to write my story.

I tried, however, to go back and read the memoir by Jeanette Walls that inspired the movie. I couldn’t do it. I didn’t get past the first few pages because it was too painful. It recalled too many and too strong of emotions.

Childhood trauma is no joke. It can be overcome, but the individuals attempting to do so need a lot of grace, a lot of understanding and a lot of support. It’s not easy.

If this is you, I would love to pray for you. Feel free to message me. 

I would encourage you to find a therapist. Talk to your pastor. Share your journey with a friend. Spend time asking God to heal your brokenness. And rest in His arms as you learn to be loved by Him.

Lessons Learned from Ch. 6 off NEVER SETTLED – The Body Keeps the Score

Chapter 6, Loogootee Pt. 2 was a chapter in extreme contrasts, moving from the innocence and fun childhood days in an eighties Indiana small town similar to that of Stranger Things to the most emotional and terrifying moments of despair when my dad attacked us with his belt and his bark for not doing our chores.

There are moments when I wonder, why am I so emotional? How can my childhood have such an effect on me more than thirty years later? Yet, as I reread this chapter, I don’t wonder the answer to these questions. I remember. And cry, even if just internally.

The end of chapter 6 reminds me of the great fear and sadness of my early childhood. It reminds me of why I hated my dad for so many years. It reminds me of why I wanted out of my family as a teenager. It reminds me of why I never wanted to return for years as an adult. 

If there is one lesson I learn as I recall these memories, it is simply that childhood trauma can have a long lasting effect on a person. There is a saying in our school district that serves many underprivileged students. When a staff member is struggling with a student’s behavior, “don’t ask yourself, what is wrong with this child?,  ask yourself, what happened to this child?”

The implications are ahuge. When children experience traumatic events, it can wreak havoc on their behavior. This is the body’s response & best effort to survive. 

I started reading a book a while back called, The Body Keeps The Score by Bessel van der Kolk. The topic in a sentence was, how to overcome trauma with a new paradigm for healing. I only made it through Chapter 1. It was an intriguing read for sure and filled with some hope. But, it hurt too much to read and recall.

This wasn’t the first time my memories & emotions kept me from reading a book. Several years back I watched the movie, The Glass Castle with Woody Harrelson and Brie Larson. It was an intriguing movie where the family in poverty moved a lot & they were impacted by the father’s alcoholism. Sound familiar? Yeah, it did to me too.

As I watched the movie, I thought about how similar my story was. But, another thought also entered my mind. Her story isn’t nearly as bad as mine. AND my story has a way better outcome, filled with more hope. Such began my decision to write my story.

I tried, however, to go back and read the memoir by Jeanette Walls that inspired the movie. I couldn’t do it. I didn’t get past the first few pages because it was too painful. It recalled too many and too strong of emotions.

Childhood trauma is no joke. It can be overcome, but the individuals attempting to do so need a lot of grace, a lot of understanding and a lot of support. It’s not easy.

If this is you, I would love to pray for you. Feel free to message me. 

I would encourage you to find a therapist. Talk to your pastor. Share your journey with a friend. Spend time asking God to heal your brokenness. And rest in His arms as you learn to be loved by Him.

Why? Why would I write this memoir? Why would I reveal so much?

Sadly, too many people have lived very difficult childhoods. If you are one of those, you may feel like you can never escape or overcome it. If you know someone who has gone through incredible obstacles during their formative years, maybe you see their destructive habits seemingly out of their control. 

Your life may not have been handed to you on a silver platter, but rather a paper plate with cold pizza that you still prefer to steak & shrimp. You may have grown up with tattered furniture, hand-me-down clothes purchased from Goodwill or remember one (or both) of your parents badgering you physically or verbally. You may not have had a clue what it took to get to college & be successful because you never had that modeled for you.

You remember what life was like and you know you want it to be different as an adult. You aren’t sure if that is possible, but you dream that it could be. You hope that it will all turn out different for you. 

I’ve got news for you. It can. But, it doesn’t just happen by hanging out & hoping the same negative inertia that led to your childhood circumstances don’t repeat themselves. In fact, if all you do is hang out and wait for things to change, surely they won’t. 

This is why I wrote NEVER SETTLED: a memoir of a boy on the road to manhood. I wanted people who have had incredible childhood challenges know they can overcome. It won’t necessarily be easy, but it can be done. I wanted people to see examples of how one person could transform their life from extremely humble beginnings to change the lives of people around them, to even transform their family legacy.

I also wanted people to see their own stories in a new light. Often times, when we have endured such hardship, we retell our stories to ourselves (and others) in such a way that redemption is not possible. That nothing good could ever come from us or our situation. We spin cycle our trauma over and over in such a way, it creates more chaos, not order.

The reality is for each of us, we can see our stories in a new light, like they are actually headed somewhere. Somewhere good. Sometimes it takes hearing, listening, reading someone else’s story before we can imagine those things in our own. 

I wrote NEVER SETTLED so that you will be inspired to change your past into a brand new future. I wrote it to share my story of overcoming so that you know you can overcome too. We are in this together, if you want to be. Let’s go! You can overcome!

Follow this link to read more about NEVER SETTLED. https://shawndcongleton.com/neversettled/

NEVER SETTLED: HARDBACK is HERE!

The hardback version of NEVER SETTLED is here! Kindle version is $4.99 for this week only!

I am so excited to share it with you today. If you are in town, stop by the house from noon – 3 pm and we’ll celebrate together! We have some hot dogs, chips & sweets to share. Bring something & stay a while or just drop by grab a dog & say hi! Hope to see you soon if you are a local. 

I’ll have paperbacks on hand if you would like to purchase a copy. I can sign your copy you already have if you bring it with you. The Kindle version is $4.99 for this week only! (Amazon should be updated soon)

Agate, Colorado (an excerpt from Ch. 16 of NEVER SETTLED)

I started ninth grade at Agate High School where my class size had almost doubled. We now had five students in the ninth grade, including myself. We had a total of seventeen students in the entire high school. High school sports there remained gender based though. Guys did not play on the volleyball team since we had enough to field a team. Guys did; however, play six-man flag football as a fall sport. While my small stature didn’t matter as much in flag football as it would have in tackle football, I still found myself on the non-playing end of a sport. We had eight guys that played and I suppose as a freshman who was both tiny and slow, I expected to not be allowed to play much. 

One Saturday in the early Fall, my parents decided to go shopping in Denver without us kids. They decided to go with some friends in their car. Dad never really liked to put the miles on our cars since Mom was already doing that for her daily commute. On the way home, they decided to take a drive through the country. Most backcountry roads in Colorado are dirt and they are barely wide enough to fit two vehicles since they are so rarely traveled. Most people drive in the middle of the road and then get over to the side when someone is coming from the opposite direction. 

Apparently, as the story is told, Mom and Dad were riding in the back seat of their friend’s vehicle. They were driving on a secluded dirt road approaching the crest of a hill. Another vehicle on the opposite side of the hill was driving in the center of the road and as they approached each other from opposite directions, neither vehicle was aware of the other. At the crest of the hill, both vehicles swerved, but it was too late and they slammed into each other…

LATER IN THE CHAPTER…

I’m not sure why I continued to participate in sports that I was rarely given the opportunity to actually play in a game, but I suppose it was better than being at home. When the winter season arrived, unfortunately, they did not offer wrestling due to being such a small school. For Agate, basketball season had arrived, I decided to play again hoping I had a chance because there were only eight players on the team, including myself. However, I was still not quite five feet tall and not even a hundred pounds. On game days, I had to roll my warm up pants multiple times. One time I even slipped on them going up for a warm up layup as the too long pant leg slipped underneath my black Converse hightops. 

Our team was led by the Padilla boys. Both Larry and Rich were nearly six feet, three inches tall. We called them the twin towers and when they were both playing, we were hard to beat. Most everyone on the team was a solid athlete except for one other nerd boy like myself who I’m guessing his parents made him play. But I worked hard and did my best. I even wanted to demonstrate my toughness and tenacity by not drinking water during practice. Little did we know in the eighties how important staying hydrated was, but no one made me drink and I was foolish enough to think that was a good thing. I enjoyed the game during practice and dreamed of my chances to play and one day become like Michael Jordan. I would often do silly things like stick my tongue out when I drove to the basket to mimic my idol. 

One Saturday afternoon in early December, Mom and Dad went into Denver to go to Wax Trax and Goodwill stores, shopping for Dad’s record collection. Us kids stayed home again this time and played around the house. I figured they were probably Christmas shopping and I was just happy about that. We spent the afternoon watching movies and hanging out. I went into my room to listen to Van Halen since I had just gotten their latest tape called 5150. I spent the afternoon in my room listening to my tapes. 

“What the h*ll is going on in here?!!” my dad yelled from the living room. I had fallen asleep lying on my bed listening to my Sony Walkman. It must have shut off at the end of the tape. As I came to, I quickly tried to ascertain my whereabouts and situation. It hit me that Mom and Dad were home and I had no idea what my younger siblings had been doing. I came running out of my room, past the record shelf and into the living room. 

“What? What happened?” I asked. Dad was standing over his desk, looking at his stereo that sat on it. 

“Who the h*ll has been messing with my stuff, Shawn?!” Dad yelled. He was fiddling with his tapes and his open tape decks on his stereo. 

“I don’t know. I didn’t do anything,” I explained. I could tell several tapes were strewn across his desk as if they were just tossed in the air and landed there. 

Dad always kept his space immaculate and orderly. We were barely allowed in his space and only when we were in his presence. Suddenly, Dad noticed a pile of records out of place on the floor near his desk. There were stacks of records on or near his desk all the time. That was part of his process for going through his records; recording them in his binders, playing them to ensure top condition and cataloging them before they went on the permanent shelves. However, I didn’t know the difference between that and what I was looking at, except that I now noticed that several albums were out of their sleeves and laying directly on the ground. Suddenly, Dad did too…

PRESS RELEASE for NEVER SETTLED (HARDBACK & EXPANDED DISTRIBUTION on AUG 14)

Springfield School Counselor Releases the hardback version with expanded distribution of his personal memoir—NEVER SETTLED: a memoir of a boy on the road to manhood by Shawn D. Congleton on August 14, 2021

STUDENTS and parents in Springfield (and beyond) have experienced hard times like no other in the last eighteen months. Young, old, rich, poor, black, white—NONE have been able to escape the challenges presented by COVID, political battles, racial unrest and economic downturn. NEVER SETTLED is an epic depiction of one young man presented with challenges he never asked for and found ways and reasons to overcome.

It is a story of determination, resilience and faith.

It is a story everyone can garner something from, to make it to tomorrow and beyond.

Rated 4.7 out of 5 stars on Amazon

Thursday, August 5, 2021

Springfield—Moving nearly 80 times and living in almost 20 states before his high school graduation, Shawn D. Congleton shares his childhood experience of poverty, constant change, abuse and pursuit of a better life.

Told through the eyes of this high school counselor at a large urban school, NEVER SETTLED is the story of transience, anger, alcohol, and abuse. It is the story of loss, difficult relationships and hardship.

But it is also a story of overcoming!

NEVER SETTLED (hardcover sleeve)

Journey with Shawn and his story from his birthplace of Camp Pendleton, California to Indiana to Colorado and sixteen other states. Shawn lived a childhood that would prevent so many of our children from finding peace, growth and success. Finally, be there with Shawn when he returns to Camp Pendleton—for Marine Corps boot camp and Sergeant Abolins, among many of the men and women who changed his life forever.

Find the hope Shawn found. At a time in history when so many are struggling, never settle for what life throws at you! Find inspiration and strength to overcome your own battles.

NEVER SETTLED (hardback) releases at Target, Barnes & Noble, Books-A-Million, Amazon, and many other places on August 14, 2021. The ebook will be available on Apple Books, Nook and Kindle the same day. The softback is currently available at UnMundo Cafe, Champion City Guide & Supply, Gramercy Books in Columbus and Amazon.

Shawn D. Congleton is a high school counselor in Springfield, Ohio. He has worked with young people for most of his adult life as a youth pastor, a school secretary, a coach, a mentor, a volunteer youth leader, a tutor,  and a co-principal. Most importantly, he is a teammate with his wife, Heidi. Together they have raised three girls. He is blessed that his life’s passion has been helping young people overcome their challenges to find hope and skills for their future.

“Readers will be glad that Shawn Congleton never settled for a life like the one in which he grew up. Now his story can give hope to hearts that are looking for a chance to be loved and to belong.” – Tanya Anderson, Award-Winning Author and Editor

“This memoir quickly drew me in and I found myself engulfed in the narrative.” – Jeremy Hudson, Pastor, Fellowship Church

“In a beautifully raw and compassionate way, Shawn invites us into his painful, yet hopeful story.” – Chris LeMaster, LPC

“This book, more than most others, was able to reach all five senses! It took me back on a nostalgic journey of childhood memories that I had previously tucked away.” – Todd Buck, Educator

See more at shawndcongleton.com/neversettled

The Benefit Outweighs the Risks

I woke up to news that my high school wrestling nemesis Ty Freel died in a drowning accident. I was stunned. A little shaken. A few months ago, we had reconnected over facebook messenger sharing a few personal regrets with each other about our past. He even apologized for being a jerk when we were younger and he sent me a couple of his wrestling pics for my blog when I asked.

Though we had our differences as kids, I certainly held nothing against him as an adult and loved featuring him on my blog. I was thankful he provided a couple of pics and I was looking forward to hearing what he thought of my book, particularly the chapters about high school wrestling. I never heard back.

A few weeks back, while on our family vacation in southern Utah, I received news that a good friend of mine, Denny Marstella passed, as well. He was only about ten years older than I, but had not been in the best health in recent years. While I had lost many people over the years, moving from one location to another, Denny was my first personal friend that lived near me that passed away.

Denny and I always had great conversations. We loved to talk theology and church. No matter what frustrations we held, we both grasped on to God and appreciated how meaningful He was in our lives. We both talked about the ways that God was using us or wanted to use us. He was always a great listener and was very gracious about understanding what a person was going through. 

Earlier this summer, I had plans for a book club this summer. I reached out to folks on facebook without much response. Denny was the only one who responded and since that was the case and it wasn’t going to be a group thing, I never followed up. We started our summer travels and I forgot about it. 

Since I have moved on so many times in my life, I have developed a survival mode to deal. It is not intentional, it is simply the way that I have learned to survive. Out of sight, out of mind. Also, since we were in the middle of a long vacation that was paid for, I wasn’t able to attend the funeral. It’s almost like it didn’t happen. Except it did and it saddens me as I realize it.

I will miss my buddy, Denny. He was a great dude. And I really appreciated our friendship and conversations. I can’t wait to see him again some day. Tell Jesus “hi” for me, Denny!

Life is short and it will be over before we know it. It is time to start living. 

Tell someone today that you love them. 

Reach out to someone you’ve been meaning to. 

Follow through on that good intention.

It’s time to start living your dream and it’s never too early or too late.

Don’t let fear or anxiety hold you back. 

I read recently that the COVID vaccine was given Emergency Use Authorization (EUA) by the FDA because the benefits outweighed the risk. Vaccines typically take years, even decades to develop and get approval. Yet, the COVID vaccine was quickened for obvious public health reasons. But, the EUA was granted because the benefit outweighed the risks. 

The same is true for our dreams. Sometimes fear holds us back. The unknown prevents us from taking a step forward. But, I want to encourage you today. No one knows what tomorrow holds.

The benefit of your dream outweighs the risks.

Go for it.

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99 TIMES—I have moved 99 times.

Below is my biographical timeline from my memoir, NEVER SETTLED: a memoir of a boy on the road to manhood. I defined a move if everything I owned went with me and if it didn’t go with me, I no longer owned it.

Biographical Timeline

Camp Pendleton, CAFallbrook, CACamp Pendleton, CAGriffith, INHobart Twp, INCastle Rock, COFair Oaks, INParis, ILChrisman, ILHorace, ILLeiters Ford, INRhinelander, WILavina, MTJacksonville, FLBlack Oak, INMedora, INRoundup, MTBennett, COMorocco, INPortage, INElizabeth, COElbert, COSavannah, GAGlenrock, WYGrant Park, ILDonovan, ILTefft, INDemotte, INCrandon, WILaona, WIMonico, WIIngles, KSCheyenne, OKGrover, COReno, NVLovelock, NVTucson, AZGrover, COAult, COLoving, NMLoogootee, INCrawfordsville, INPortage, INCarterville, MOAvilla, MOLoogootee, INSterling, COCrook, COStratton, COLimon, COTaylor, TXHuntingbird, INHawthorn, NVMissoula, MTWashington, INLoogootee, INSeymour, INTaylor, TXPine Bluffs, WYCloverdale, INSheridan, INMcCook, NEWindfall, INHudson, COBailey, COGrant, CODeer Trail, COAgate, COWaterman, ILRansom, ILStreator, ILAgate, COThornton, COByers, COByers, COGreeley, COByers, CO Deer Trail, COLoogootee, INChicago, ILDeer Trail, COSpringfield, OHGranger, TXByers, COMCRD San Diego, CACamp Pendleton, CAMCRD San Diego, CACamp Pendleton, CADel Mar, Camp Pendleton, CACamp Johnson, Camp Lejeune, NCCamp Johnson, Camp Lejeune, NCJacksonville, NCCamp Lejeune, NCMed Float in the Mediterranean SeaSpringfield, OHSpringfield, OHSpringfield, OHSouth Charleston, OHSpringfield, OH

Imagine moving nearly 80 times and living in almost 20 states before graduating high school. This is the story of a young boy growing up on the road. Shawn D. Congleton shares his account of overcoming his life’s challenges, of never settling, that included poverty, constant change, and an alcoholic and abusive father. He learned some memorable lessons along the way as he grew up in this most unforgettable experience and found hope to overcome.

Journey with him across the United States as he moves from his birthplace of Camp Pendleton, California to Indiana to Colorado and sixteen other states only to return to Camp Pendleton for Marine Corps boot camp where his life changes forever. Find the hope he found and never settle for what life throws at you!

“Readers will be glad that Shawn Congleton never settled for a life like the one in which he grew up. Now his story can give hope to hearts that are looking for a chance to be loved and to belong.” ~ Tanya Anderson, Award-Winning Author and Editor

“This memoir quickly drew me in and I found myself engulfed in the narrative.” ~ Jeremy Hudson, Pastor, Fellowship Church

“In a beautifully raw and compassionate way, Shawn invites us into his painful, yet hopeful story.” ~ Chris LeMaster, LPC

“This book, more than most others, was able to reach all five senses! It took me back on a nostalgic journey of childhood memories that I had previously tucked away.” – Todd Buck, Educator

Purchase on paperback or Kindle here. (Or read for FREE on Kindle Unlimited)

What do you choose? – Lessons Learned from Ch. 5 of NEVER SETTLED

Emotions. Trauma. Insecurities. Fear. PTSD. Sadness. These realities ruled our lives in so many ways when I was growing up.

Extreme emotions can rule a person’s life. They did, for my dad. They have, for me. 

Yet, our responses have been so very different.

My dad struggled with his emotions due to two important factors. First, he was adopted. He never felt loved primarily because his birth mother gave him away. Second, he experienced some form of PTSD as a result of his experiences in Vietnam.

Dad always felt insecure since he was “given away.” He didn’t view the fact that his adopted parents “chose” him. He simply felt devalued and unwanted by his biological parents. I imagine him trying to reconcile that wasn’t easy. From the stories he told us when I was a kid, much of his rebellious nature and consequently the discipline he experienced in his adopted family was a result of this insecurity. Being a teenager can be difficult enough on it’s own, but particularly with these types of challenges.

Dad barely drank alcohol and definitely never did any drugs before he went to Vietnam. Yet, he described his short time there as one of extreme fear and wanted out badly. Even if he didn’t live through battle himself, many soldiers and friends did. He knew their stories well.

My dad turned to alcohol and marijuana to help him manage his emotions. He quickly became an alcoholic who could turn on you in an instant once he had been drinking. His temper often resulted in violence or threats of violence. He lashed out in an instant—tearing down anyone and everyone within earshot. 

As a counselor, thinking back on my dad’s emotional struggles, I truly felt for him. He went through some really challenging times. I often wonder what it would have been like to put myself in his shoes. It’s easy to judge someone from your own shoes, much more difficult if you have been given the same circumstances.

I had my own emotional issues thanks to how my dad dealt with his. Grief, from losing so much, moving constantly. Anger, from how he treated my mom and us kids. Insecurity, as he would lash out, tearing me down as a person and cussing me out. Sadness and despair, from never having much hope for our lives to get better. Yet, I responded to my emotional challenges quite differently.

First, long before I met Jesus, I determined I wasn’t going to be like my dad—I would strive for non-violence as the best route in any conflict.

Second, I would never drink alcohol. I could see a genetic predisposition and feared that I would end up just like my dad. I chose early on, to never drink.

Third, I wanted my words to be used for good rather than tearing others down. I was determined to never treat my kids the way he treated me.

Lastly, as a teenager, I ended up hating my father for the way he treated us, his family. Yet, after I met Jesus, I realized that emotion of anger and hatred was misplaced and had to be dealt with. I chose to forgive him. Instead of blaming him, I chose to let him off my hook. I chose healing.

This was most difficult and the end of the book goes into much more detail of this challenge, yet it was such a necessary response to that emotion.

I believe, without a doubt, that none of our emotions are invalid or unwarranted. There is NOTHING wrong with the way we feel. It is all a matter of what we do with those emotions and how we decide to manage them. 

There are healthy ways and there are unhealthy ways. There are healing ways and there are hurtful ways. There are productive ways and there are destructive ways.

Which ways do you choose? 

Yes, we all have a choice. 

What do you choose?

My Dad Was John Rambo

In the 80s, I used to watch movies like crazy—like they were going out of style. One popular genre of 80s movies that I loved were Vietnam movies. Rambo is the first and foremost that comes to mind. John Rambo (aka Sylvester Stallone) was a Vietnam War vet who had come home and was wandering on foot or by hitchhiking across the country. I remember this movie vividly the first time Jimmy (now Jim, my older brother) and I watched it when I was about six or seven at a local pastor’s house. 

The movie starts out with John visiting another vet, only to find out he had died of a disease he picked up in Vietnam. Then, as John moves on, he is walking into a town where he intends to get something to eat, maybe clean up since he’s been living in the woods much like he did in Vietnam. 

A cop stops and picks him up, offering him a ride into town or rather through town as it turns out. The cop did not want John Rambo walking into his town. He viewed him as a bum, leftover trash from the Vietnam War. The book goes into more detail about why, but nevertheless he didn’t want him hanging out in his town and judged him simply by the way that he looked.

This annoyed John to the point where he refused to be put out. He needed a meal. He had served his country and should be thanked, not excommunicated. After the cop dropped him off at the opposite edge of town, outside of its borders, John turned around and walked back into town. The cop didn’t like this so much and arrested Rambo for vagrancy, disrespect and refusing to obey the orders of a law enforcement officer.

Rambo was treated terribly as he was arrested and his PTSD quickly created a scenario where he attacked the officers in return as he broke out of jail and escaped their custody, returning to the woods. They chased after him and the rest was movie cinematic history. First Blood was one of the most popular Vietnam era movies of the 80s. It was certainly that for my brother, Jim and I.

Many others also joined this cash cow of that day and told stories of many veterans that made it out alive. Missing In Action, Born on the Fourth of July and even the sequel to First Blood, Rambo were all popular movies that depicted the aftermath of individuals that survived the Vietnam War. 

This is where it gets real personal. If you’ve read my memoir, NEVER SETTLED, you learn that my dad struggled with life after Vietnam. Certainly, he struggled with life a bit as a teenager and struggled to accept the fact that he was adopted (and therefore given away by his birth mom) but, I believe his greatest struggle came as a result of Vietnam—particularly his battle with his emotions exasperated by drinking alcohol. 

My dad used to tell me that he drank all of about a six pack of beer throughout his entire high school career. Yet, during his worst days of drinking when I was young, he drank two cases of beer a night, then got up and went to work the next day, then did the same thing the next night.

On Memorial Day (as opposed to Veterans Day or other similar holidays) we celebrate those who have given their lives for our country. Those who paid the ultimate sacrifice and died in battle. That is not my dad. He returned home. In fact, had he not, I would never have been born since I arrived in 1973.

I’ve heard mixed reports of my dad being in Vietnam for a year—or for only 100 days and that he never experienced battle himself. But, the fact remains the same. It messed up my dad permanently even though he never suffered a single physical injury. Mentally, emotionally, he was never the same and alcoholism ravaged his life. His anger grew out of control and he never recovered.

Born on the Fourth of July was another movie that depicted the terrible ways that many servicemen were treated after they returned from Vietnam, magnifying their recovery with social disgust (as if they even had a choice in going). My dad certainly suffered from some of this himself.

This Memorial Day, I am remembering my dad who died this past August. No, he didn’t physically die in Vietnam, but he did die in so many other ways. He was never the same and it wreaked havoc on our lives as his family.

Thank you, Dad, for your service. May it not be in vain. May we never treat our war vets with such disdain. May we remember those we lost physically and in the many other ways our servicemen and women have suffered as a result of war. 

AND I pray that we do all we can as a country to remain both FREE and at PEACE with other nations. May God help us.