Julie R. Enszer's Blog, page 18

Review of Lilith’s Demons

Thrilled and honored by Ahron’s generous and insightful review of Lilith’s Demons in the Association of Jewish Libraries.

If you want to order a signed copy of the book, please do! I’d be delighted to send you one.

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Settling In

It takes time for a body to forget trauma. I thought moving into the house, it would be like opening a new book and forgetting everything previously read. The stress of the past nine months still weighs on all of us, though. We worry about Tibe barking and breaking out of the double fence. He seems unconcerned about this, however, and only wishes there were more cars driving by on the road so he could race along the fence to try and beat them to the corner. This weekend, two lovely days lounging. Yes, some unpacking, but really sitting quietly and reading. Contemplating, refreshing, recharging. Letting the fear and concern seep away, bit by bit. The fear and horror arrived in an instant, like a thunderbolt that gripped us and stayed and stayed and stayed. Their departure was not instant. They will have to drip drip drip away like the water in caves forming stalagmites and stalactites over days and weeks and years. I thought it would be more like waters receding after a flood so we could see the damage, but it is slower. Quiet. A slow drain. A soft exhale. We are starting to remember how to breathe, but we do not yet trust that the air will be there.

Some notes on our progress:

Most boxes are unpacked, but not everything has found a space to live. Hence on the kitchen counter: a few random pots, some Star Wars tins waiting to go to work with the beloved, a leather attaché with “important papers” waiting for a home in the house, and a handful of other random things. Finally cleaned off is the nightstand beside my bed and the bathroom sink. There is order in the mornings and just before sleep.
The family room is not arranged properly. I do not have a table at my left hand for a beverage and to keep a stack of books on. I am not sure how to situate things to achieve that goal nor what table to use. The lamps that were at either end of our couch in Maryland now look a bit ratty and mangled. The shades stained and askew. We do not quite know how to arrange this room.
Sometimes, Tibe and Vita seem to be confused and lose track of us. We will hear mewing or barking, and we have to find them to remind them: Yes, we are all here together. Here is how to navigate about the new home.
Emma is uncertain if she wants to spend days with me and Tibe in the casita or if she wants to relax with Vita in the big house. Some days she splits, mornings with Vita, afternoons in the casita. Often at the end of the day though, she does not want to take the hot walk back to the big house for dinner. It remains a conundrum for her. I tell her: First world problem, Emma. She is not amused.
I splurged and bought a Soda Stream, the machines that make carbonated water from flat. My evening cocktail is a half inch of cranberry, half a lime, and the balance fizzy water. I am starting to think that carbonated water might fix everything.

My glass is definitely half full.

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Bananas

The hurricane, Hermine, the first one to reach land in Florida since 2005 (a fact I learned retrospectively) reached our land about three hours after the movers left. Thirty minutes after the movers left, the rain started. We were relieved to be in our new house and to be out of the world of motels. It was a fierce storm. Two things were damaged: our fence and the banana palms.

The fence was easily repaired and the damage did not compromise the integrity of the compound. We actually have two fences: a chain link fence that is buried to prevent the land from being invaded by alligators or vermin and a stockade fence. Four or five panels of the stockade fence hit the ground from the winds. They are now back up. Swimming in the buff in the pool can resume.

The banana palms, battered by the wind, had to be cut back. As I understand it the season for bananas was basically over and banana palms actually need to be cut back every year. The fellow who mows the lawn cut them for us. While doing so, he found the last crop of bananas for the year. They have been sitting outside ripening. Today, Emma and I shared the first ripe one. It was soft and sweet and delicious. Tibe it turns out is not a banana fan; he was vexed by Emma’s embrace of the sweet, tender banana. Emma and I enjoyed our moment of eating from the fruit of the land.

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Double Rainbow

It has been a challenging seventy-two hours:

The uboxes from UHaul was lost for twenty-four hours.
Last night, while unpacking the found uboxes, I could not identify my milk frother from among the boxes. It is the single thing I have missed the most from the Michigan shipment. After unpacking four kitchen boxes last night to no avail, I resigned myself to another day without a delicious frothy latte.
Insomnia last night for two hours.
Then, this morning, the garage door wouldn’t open. Broken spring. Could not get it to release; both cars trapped inside.
Four hours fighting with the home warranty company.
A few challenging actual work issues that I tried to shunt in to the bickering with the insurance company.
An on-going issue with the Maryland Motor Vehicle Association to resolve a title issue on the car we are selling that reared its ugly head again today.

By the time I picked up Kim from work, I felt defeated. Then driving up to the house, a double rainbow right over our home.  Maybe because the frother is found, the garage door is repaired, the warranty company is going to pay, and I am bound to get a good night’s sleep being completely exhausted and it is only 7 pm. If I believed in signs, I might think the double rainbow had a message. I do not believe in signs.

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The Local Feed and Pet Supply

I registered as a frequent buyer at the local feed supply store today. I was buying a bag of Blue dog food for Tibe and Emma and the young woman working the register told me that if I filled out the form, after ten bags, the eleventh is free. A good deal, but I confess, I am tired of filling out forms. Moving requires a lot of forming filling out. The Florida DMV wore me down with the forms: online, in person, questionnaires administered by the workers. Lots of forms. In spite of my form exhaustion, I want to get in good with the local feed and pet supply people. I filled out the form for the Blue incentive.

Then we had a long talk about chickens. There were four adorable Rhode Island Reds still at the store. I am committed to adding chickens to the menagerie so that we can fresh eggs. Doesn’t that sound amazing? Fresh eggs in the morning, Diet Coke with lime in the afternoons? Anyway, I figure the local feed and pet supply is going to be crucial in my animal wifery of the future (see how I did that? Usually people talk about animal husbandry, but there are no husbands in our household so I figure the practice of raising animals can also be called animal wifery.). I need to investigate more about rising the chickens, and I need a chicken coop. Then we will be ready to raise chickens. The goats are going to require a bit of preparation as well. The beloved does not approve of this expansion of the pack. In addition to the coop and the pen for goats, I need to engage in some persuasion there.

In the meantime, I am unpacking boxes, organizing my office, alphabetizing books. And today, I revised a book chapter and completed a short piece that I submitted to a feminist magazine. The first pieces conceived or completed in the casita, my little studio on the land. Happiness.

A grainy photo of the local feed and pet supply.

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Avowed is coming. . . .

Advance orders are now available! Order your copy today!

press-sheet-avowed-by-julie-r-enszer

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Chasing Birds

The sun rises in the corner of the master bedroom filling the room with light. The living room below the master is bathed in that morning light with its two story windows along he back wall. When the sun sets, it fills the dining room and if you are sitting in the swimming pool it warms your face as relax in the water.

In the mornings, the dogs go outside without a leash and run around the property. Tibe and I have been playing ball. He accompanies me as I walk among the lime trees and pick a lime or two. The fresh lime in soda water is incredible. The taste of lime is extraordinary, the full lime taste circling around the tongue. A small squeeze of half of a lime gives the full bodied flavor the the whole twelve ounces. It is so powerful. Not like the supermarket limes in Saginaw or Maryland for that matter. The beloved bought a lime at the market before we discovered the limes from the trees. I used that lime juice to clean the stain off a pan. No regrets. I only want to drink and eat the ones that come from our yard. I need to figure out when to plant lemon trees. Next year, I want fresh lemons as well. How quickly we become greedy for tastes.

This afternoon, on midday romp, Tibe looked up to the sky to the birds flying over head. Far overheard. I could not tell what they were, they were at least a half a mile above the land. Still, Tibe with such great joy, ran across the yard, chasing them. For a moment, both he and I thought that he might take off just before the fence and fly up to join them. He was running so fast. The birds were flapping their wings so hard. They were soaring high above our heads, and for just a moment, Tibe was soaring too. He paused at the fence, his head up to the sky and watched the birds fly away. Then another gaggle flew in another direction. He took off after them. Running and jumping, chasing their majestic flight.

He came in exhausted, his long tongue flopping out of his mouth. For months, I have been thinking, I do not know what happiness is. For months, I have been trying to remember happiness, fulfillment, some sense of satisfaction. Today, there it was. Chasing birds. The big yard. After a storm. What are you chasing to the edge of the fence? What is sending your heart to flight?

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Kindness

The move to Dover, Florida began in earnest on August 15th when the packers and movers arrived at the house in Maryland. There were a few days of work in the midst of it all, but it has been over two weeks at this point. Tomorrow morning, the load of belongings from Maryland arrive at the new home in Florida. So does Hurricane Hermine. (Yes, we are a bit disappointed it is not Hermione, our favorite character from the Harry Potter series….). It will be a long day of unloading, but the movers will do the bulk of the work. We will oversee furniture placement and unpack boxes. Nearly 500 of them. The unpacking always takes longer than the packing, but slowly each room will come together. I am excited.

Moving is one of those big life stressors, up there with death. It has been stressful. I have been frayed. I am extraordinarily grateful to people, friends and strangers, who have recognized my state of being and responded with extraordinary kindness. The woman at the Saginaw uHaul is one of those kind people. We rented a pod from uHaul to move the stuff in Saginaw, and there were logistical challenges in the delivery on the Florida end. Everything was smooth as silk in Saginaw, but confirmation of delivery and moving assistance was muddled from the Florida end. The owners of the uHaul franchise in Saginaw went the extra mile to confirm everything. They were lovely even when I was not at my best: sweaty, tired, and crabby. A friend in Maryland swooped into the empty house to pick up all of the toxics that need to go to a special county place for disposal. I am so grateful to her. Many people have stepped in a moments of flagging energy and helped to sort things out. At moments when I was grasping the last ends of a frayed rope, Kim brought food or other material assistance.

There have been some douche bags along the way: the man who barked at Tibe at one of the motels we stayed at. (Pro tip: don’t bark at dogs anywhere, but especially not in travel spaces. They are already freaked out by not having a regular routine. Tibe was fine, but he let the fellow know whose bark was bigger.) Multiple drivers have demonstrated their disregard for human life, including their own. Generally, though I am struck by the kindness of people, kindness when it was not necessary and generosity above and beyond the usual call. My bitchiness and I are grateful for this show of humanity from people.

I am reminded of my belief in service to other people, my belief in being of service to people and ideas and principles. This belief was ruffled (decimated? destroyed?) by the neighbors in Maryland, but I can feel it returning. All of small acts of kindness of which I have been the recipient, they add up, they restore my belief in service, in people, in kindness.

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Where We Are

A crop this thick begs for plunder. Ripeness

wants to be ravished

May Swenson, “Strawberrying”

Welcome to our new home in Dover, Florida amid the strawberry fields: ripeness wants to be ravished.

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But Where Are You Going?

I have been tight-lipped about where we are heading. All will be revealed on Tuesday (unless you have pieced it together from Facebook comments). 

In the mean time, some clues:

We are moving to the state where Barbara Grier really grew Naiad Books into a powerhouse.
We are moving to the state where Molly Bolt celebrated her adolescence and got kicked out of the university for her subversive civil rights work.
We are moving to the state where Rita Mae Brown and Dorothy Allison stomped.
We are moving to the area of the state where Tee Corinne was born.
We are moving to the area of the state where a May Swenson poem is particularly poignant.

Tuesday morning, our location will be revealed. Wednesday afternoon, perhaps a photo of the family at the new house. Until then, post comments with other (lesbian-feminist) features of our new state once you figure it out.

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