Derek Schmitz's Blog, page 7

My Gender and Disability Journey

Alright, so here goes my post on gender and disability.

As I’ve mentioned before, I am genderfluid. I’m also AMAB (meaning I was born male). I first started exploring my gender about 6 months ago. I’ve always been into makeup and other more traditionally feminine things. And I just felt different.

I decided on gender-fluidity because I wanted to expand my horizons beyond what was typically masculine. I hate being held to the standards of typical masculinity (can’t cry, can’t wear makeup, must be strong). I’m still masculine, but now I’m not tied to being strictly masc.

So, how does disability come into play? I feel like being disabled in the ways that I am and identifying with that didn’t necessarily align with being strictly masculine. But, being genderfluid and disabled lets me more comfortably identify with myself.

Pulling away from the traditionally masculine things has greatly improved my mental health. I shaved my legs for the first time about a month ago and when I tell you that I have so much gender euphoria, I’m not lying.

To anybody who’s in the same boat, know that you aren’t alone. Your feelings are valid. If you can safely, I encourage you to experiment as I did. I’m here if you have any questions or need to vent, and my DMs on Twitter (@derekischmitz) are open.

Be kind to yourself. You are valid. Thank you for reading my story!

My Friends Master Book List w/ Links

Here’s a list of all my author friends who have books out and links to buy them! It takes a lot to get a book out there and we literally pour every ounce of our being into writing them. There’s 25 books on this list, so you’re bound to find one you like!

Alexandria Piette (@alexandriapiett) The Blazing Heart of a Moonlight Arsonist: https://go.derekschmitz.com/blazingheartofamoonlightarsonistap…

Ally (@allyinbloom) craving chaos: https://go.derekschmitz.com/cravingchaosally…

Brin Battisti (@poemsby_bb) made of ash: https://go.derekschmitz.com/madeofashbrin

Brin Battisti (@poemsby_bb) nostalgia: https://go.derekschmitz.com/nostalgiabrin

Catarine Hancock (@writingbych) Shades of Lovers: https://go.derekschmitz.com/shadesofloverscat…

Catarine Hancock (@writingbych) sometimes i fall asleep thinking about you: https://go.derekschmitz.com/asleepthinkingaboutyoucat

Chris Mahan (@chris_mahan) private poems mostly: https://go.derekschmitz.com/privatepoemschris…

Chris Mahan (@chris_mahan) the princess: https://go.derekschmitz.com/theprincesschris…

Chris Mahan (@chris_mahan) The Songs Within: https://go.derekschmitz.com/songswithinchris

H.W. (@itsheidiwong) Sixteen: https://go.derekschmitz.com/sixteenhw

H.W. (@itsheidiwong) The Blue Velvet Dress Says I Told You So: https://go.derekschmitz.com/bluevelvethw

Ivy Cirillo (@cirilloivy) unveiled: https://go.derekschmitz.com/unveiledivy

Jordan Pace (@_jordan_pace_) Perfectly Imperfect: https://go.derekschmitz.com/perfectlyimprefectjordan…

Kaliane Faye (@kalianefayepoet) for the broken and the brave: https://go.derekschmitz.com/forthebrokenkali…

Kaliane Faye (@kalianefayepoet) the bitter end: https://go.derekschmitz.com/thebitterendkali

Roxie Bravery (@roxiebravery) in the dark: https://go.derekschmitz.com/inthedarkroxie

Shannon O’Connor (@shan_oconnor14) Five More Minutes: https://go.derekschmitz.com/fivemoreminutes-shan…

Shannon O’Connor (@shan_oconnor14) for always: https://go.derekschmitz.com/foralways-shan

Shannon O’Connor (@shan_oconnor14) holding onto nothing: https://go.derekschmitz.com/holdingontonothingshan…

Shannon O’Connor (@shan_oconnor14) isolation: https://go.derekschmitz.com/isolationshan

Shannon O’Connor (@shan_oconnor14) Midnights in a Mustang: https://go.derekschmitz.com/midnightsinmustangshan

Shannon O’Connor (@shan_oconnor14) Say it Everyday: https://go.derekschmitz.com/sayiteverydayshan…

W. Scott (@w_scott_author) Notecards and Scrolls: https://go.derekschmitz.com/notecardsw

W. Scott (@w_scott_author) Post-its And Parchment: https://go.derekschmitz.com/postitsw

W. Scott (@w_scott_author) Postcards and Bristol: https://go.derekschmitz.com/postcardsw

Affiliate Disclosure: I am a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. I earn commissions on qualifying purchases and subscriptions.

And that’s the list! Go show my friends some love and support by picking up a copy of their books!

Camden’s Secret is LIVE on Amazon!

My book, Camden’s Secret, JUST DROPPED on Amazon! Those of you who preordered, take a look in your Kindle libraries! You can buy your copy now at go.derekschmitz.com/cs-book! Thank you all for your support! I can’t wait for you to read it!

Camden’s Secret Best Sellers Rank upon release:



1,762,913 in Kindle Store1,276 in LGBT Action & Adventure2,020 in 90-Minute Mystery, Thriller & Suspense Short Reads2,881 in 90-Minute Teen & Young Adult Short Reads



Synopsis:

Hop into the action-packed, hold onto the edge of your seat, spy novella written by author Derek Schmitz. The story goes through the life of Camden Jenson, a 16-year-old teenager with a rich best friend named Andrew Davenport. The Davenport family is wanted for treason in relation to a suspicious bombing during the State of the State address. In the ultimate best-friend betrayal, Cam partners with the FBI by going undercover to find intel that connects them to the bombing and bring Andrew and the rest of the Davenport family to justice. This book has depictions of torture, mentions of mental health problems, and suicidal thoughts and actions. Reader discretion is advised.

Grab your copy here!

Thoughts on the horrific treatment of Black people in America, from a white person.

TW: police brutality , execution , Breonna Taylor , George Floyd , Brandon Bernard //

It’s 1:07am as I write this. I am infuriated. I’m lying awake in my bed thinking about Breonna Taylor. I am thinking about George Floyd. And now, there’s another name for me to think about: Brandon Bernard. I have been silent for too long. It is time for me to speak up. 

I am white. Being white gives me a unique set of privileges that people of color do not receive. White people are unjustly given an advantage every single day, just because of our skin color. That’s because our systems of “justice”, and just people in general, are racist. It’s part of systems called systemic racism and racial bias. News flash: they exist.  

Breonna Taylor didn’t deserve to die. She was peacefully and innocently sleeping. She did nothing wrong. The police weren’t even looking for her. She should not have died. Had Breonna Taylor been a white woman, the warrant wouldn’t have even been served. 

George Floyd didn’t deserve to die. He used a counterfeit $5 bill. A human life should be worth more than $5. Had George Floyd been white, he would have received a slap on the wrist, and at worst a night in jail.  

Brandon Bernard’s case is different, but the same principle applies. Brandon was an accomplice to a murder when he was 18. He didn’t even pull the trigger. While obviously I don’t condone murder in any way, Brandon spent the years he had in jail focusing on bettering himself and helping others. He was truly a changed man. The only reason he was killed was because the courts refused to hear evidence that was not allowed to be shown at his original sentencing. Even most of the original prosecution and jury agreed that he should’ve been given a trial for the presentation of the new evidence. That evidence would have most likely pulled him off of death row and reduced his sentence to life in prison without parole. He didn’t even pull the trigger, but still paid for it like he did. Had Brandon Bernard been a white man, he would have easily gotten that retrial with that corresponding sentence. He would not have died.

There are two systems of “justice” in America. One for white people (typically slaps on the wrists), and another for Black people (typically ends in death). That is not justice. Justice is supposed to be equal. We all should be equal in the eyes of the law. Every crime should be prosecuted the same way, despite differences in things like race or skin color. 

It is time for reform. It is time for us to stand up together against our so-called justice system. Everyone should be equally prosecuted with the same rights and the same laws of justice. It’s not happening, and it’s damn well past the time for it to start. We must fix it and we must fix it now. 

Black lives fucking matter.

New Domain!

Welcome to the brand new derekschmitz.com domain! I’ve created this simple domain to allow people to more easily find my work here on the blog and create a hub for all things related to me.

To tidy things up, I’ve stopped the automatic Twitter posts and deleted the archive of them. I realized that I really tweet a lot more than I thought I did. To keep up with me there, as it will have to-the-minute information and posts from me, follow me @derekischmitz or click here.

Nothing else has really changed aesthetically or content-wise other than the removal of Tweets and the new domain name, so it should be relatively easy to get around just like before. There is, however, a donations option where you can send me monetary donations to complete my goals.

New Diagnosis

I have been dealing with an excess of doctors appointments to identify the source of my lack of energy and increased pain. Most of these appointments have been with a rheumatologist at Children’s of Alabama in Birmingham.

We ran blood work that indicated that antigen HLA-B27 was positive, which is an indicator of arthritis. With that information, we elected to run a round of steroids (Methylprednisolone) and an X-ray to see if the inflammation appeared then decreased with the medication. The X-ray was negative for inflammation but the medication did work. Once I was off the medication, the inflammation came back within two days. I reported this to my doctor, who then elected to run an MRI on Tuesday.

I just got off the phone with my doctor and I was diagnosed with juvenile spondyloarthropathy (JS) of my SI joint. JS is an inflammatory disease that is progressive and can cause spurs, pain, etc if left untreated. It also weakens my joints and bones. The good news is that we’ve caught it early enough to stop or slow most further progression. We will begin sulfasalazine pills and Humira injections in the coming weeks as my current treatment plan. This is a big and scary diagnosis for me.

I would appreciate thoughts, prayers, and good vibes as I grapple with this new diagnosis and treatment. Thank you.

2020 Election

I’m petrified about this election. Donald Trump is a racist, homophobic, authoritarian bigot who is running for a 2nd term.

Donald Trump has vowed to gut healthcare and LGBTQ rights laws. If he wins, LGBTQ people WILL lose rights and disabled people WILL lose healthcare.

With his enablers, even if he loses this election, he’ll probably somehow still get a second term.

His mishandling of COVID has KILLED 200k Americans and his only comment was ”It is what it is” while he’s been sitting on his ass disregarding his administrations messaging and downplaying the threat. Many more people will die if Trump gets re-elected. I’m scared to be one of them.

Donald Trump is a fascist who craves and promotes violence. (i.e. Proud Boys, Gretchen Whitmer.) Donald Trump believes his opposition should be locked up even though they’ve done nothing wrong.

I’m petrified of him somehow getting a second term.

Biden is leading in the polls now. Guess what, Clinton was too. Clinton won the popular vote. But, Trump still became president. Don’t believe the polls for one second.

IF the election is rigged, Trump is the one doing it.

Vote as if your life depends on it. Because it damn well does.

I am scared. Many of my disabled and LGBTQ friends share these same fears. I am pleading here. Donald Trump CANNOT get a second term. I don’t give a damn if you don’t like Biden or not. It’s anybody but Trump at this point and the best shot is Biden.

I’m 16, yes, but I see the issues around me and my communities. If I could vote right now, I’d cast my vote for Joseph Robinette Biden without a doubt.

We are scared. If Trump gets another 4 years, there’s no telling how much harm he will cause to minorities. We will not be okay if he gets re-elected. Vote on my behalf…on behalf of any disabled or LGBTQ person you know for Joe Biden. Please.

Register to vote and get other voting information at vote.org and PLEASE, however you cast your vote: by mail, early voting, or on November 3, cast the vote for Joseph Robinette Biden. He’s our only hope.

Gonna say this again: Vote as if your life depends on it. Because it damn well does. No matter what the polls say, vote.

Thank you.

Pill Prices: An Archived Twitter Thread

My morning pills (6 total) cost $4.17.
My afternoon pills (3 total) cost $2.49.
My night pills (6 total) cost $4.17.
So in total, I take $10.83 of medication per day.

Multiply that by 30. $324.90 is how much I would spend on medication per month without Medicaid. I pay $21.95 out of pocket for a 100-count of one medication.

Without these meds, I’m in pain, depressed, and extremely dizzy upon standing.

We have got to keep the ACA. I, and many other disabled people rely on the Medicaid expansions to live and afford our medications.

Please vote. There is too much at stake for minorities if Trump gets another four years. We can’t let that happen. Vote.org has all the information you need. You can check your voter registration (important as voter rolls are purged), register to vote, check voter ID requirements, locate your polling place, and request an absentee ballot.

Thank you.

Structured Christianity

TW: Religion , Homophobia //

Here are my thoughts on structured Christianity that’s probably gonna make my follower count drop. Please read it all!

I think structured Christianity is a bust because of how it indoctrinates people to hate and use their religion as an excuse for doing things while they cherry-pick the Bible and only pull out the stuff that justifies the shaming of women and LGBTQ people. Structured Christianity also offers little freedom outside of the traditional ideals and does not account for cultural change or different biblical interpretations. This leads to increased hate to groups such as LGBTQ people.

I will never set foot in a church again, but I still believe that God is real and maintain my relationship with him outside of a structured environment that’s flexible and open for my interpretation.

I am queer. But, I have been saved. I have a Bible. I read it thoroughly. I read and read and read some more, trying to figure out what it’s trying to say and how to apply it. I pray, often for the good things and the bad. Some of my favorite songs are hymns. Just because I’m queer and don’t go to church doesn’t mean I’m any less of a Christian. As I said, I believe that God is real and maintain my relationship with him that’s flexible and open for interpretation. Thanks for reading!

Aspects of Derek Poem

Derek at the waiting room at the hospital; a kind and

Friendly face comes to the waiting room outside the gym.

Writing his name on a piece of paper is his task.

The cheers of achievement warm, proud, and excited

This is occupational therapy, Derek,

Derek in a hotel room balcony near the hospital the phone

Rings like the cry of a banshee. A man is standing downstairs, smiling and eager for me to arrive.

Through sounds of children and adults in the foyer, a weatherman

Dressed for work, describes an awesome experience.

–Here’s where you meet your idol, Derek.

Derek prepping for surgery, applying chlorhexidine wipes.

Derek driving early in the morning, Derek checking into the hospital.

Derek

Saying, “I’m having foot reconstruction today. Where do I go? How will this work? What happens after I wake up?”

Derek famished after waking up from a successful surgery, craving a Milos chocolate milkshake.

Derek determined, cautious, optimistic Derek

At physical therapy to relieve pain and gain strength, Derek in the gym;

Decisions:  walking or stretching?  Where the sun

Shines, Derek in loose fitting workout clothes, eyes toward

The treadmill timer. Where the session ends, Derek at home in a warm, relaxing bath.

Derek in warm maroon red hoodie, comfortable grey sweatpants,

Long foot cast and walking boot,

The cozy but clunky silhouette, the medication and important item

Backpack, heavy scooter, clothes for hanging out with friends, all covering

His fast-beating and anxious heart, gushing as fast as water from Old Faithful.