Jessica Stone's Blog, page 2

How to write a memoir (and make pad thai)

In The Art of Memoir, Mary Karr says she writes memoirs because she doesn’t know how to make things up.

That’s exactly how I feel. I have a deep respect for fiction writers. I wouldn’t even know where to begin writing a novel. Perhaps this is because I’m lazy, and it’s just easier for me to tell you what happened to me, which is what you’ll find in Craving London (launch date to be announced very soon!)

And yet it was still hard. So hard. Especially because I knew that if I was going to do it, I needed to be as raw and real as possible—which is exactly the opposite of what I did in the earlier drafts. It’s scary to get naked emotionally in front of—hopefully—a multitude of readers.

So back to Mary Karr. In The Art of Memoir, she shares this most excellent summary towards the end of the book, which became my nakedness barometer as I wrote and edited Craving London:

1. Paint a physical reality that uses all the senses and exists in a time you’re writing about—a singular, fascinating place peopled with objects and characters we believe in. Should include the speaker’s body or some kinesthetic elements.

2. Tell a story that gives the reader some idea of your milieu and exploits your talent. We remember in stories, and for a writer, story is where you start.

3. Package information about your present self or back story so it has emotional conflict or scene.

All the rest are interior:

4. Set emotional stakes—why is the writer passionate about or desperate to deal with the past—the hint of an inner enemy?

5. Think, figure, wonder, guess. Show yourself weighing what’s true, your fantasies, values, schemes, and failures.

6. Change times back and forth—early on, establish the “looking back” voice, and the “being in it” voice.

7. Collude with the reader about your relationship with the truth and memory.

8. Show not so much how you suffer in long passages, but how you survive. Use humor or an interjecting adult voice to help a reader over the dark places.

9. Don’t exaggerate. Trust that what you felt is deeply valid.

10. Watch your blind spots—in revision, if not before, search for reversals. Beware of what you avoid and what you cling to.

11. (Related to all of the above) Love your characters. Ask yourself what underlay their acts and versions of the past. Sometimes I pray to see people I’m angry at or resentful of as God sees them, which heals both page and heart.

And one big fat caveat: lead with your own talent, which may cause you to ignore all I’ve recommended.

Now that I’ve copied all that, I see that once my book is out, I may need to go back and show you exactly how I used these points throughout the writing. #10 was a huge one for me. “Reversals”, for example, are when you THINK the other person was to blame for a breakup, but it was really just as much your fault… Once I carefully examined events from different angles and questioned my initial assumptions about certain people, I could see that I had often been all wrong! Thanks to Mary’s list, you’ll get the honest—and painful but necessary—story.

In the kitchen: How to make pad thai

You want to learn how to write a memoir, you read Mary Karr. How to make pad thai? You Google Chez Pim.

When I was writing my Ripe London blog between 2005-2009, food blogs were really taking off, and Chez Pim—the blog by Bangkok native Pim Techamuanvivit—was BIG. I remember sitting at the Caffè Nero in Kensington reading about Pim in the food section of the Sunday newspaper, back when people read the actual paper cover to cover. Geez, I’m feeling old. Anyway, Pim wrote a post called “Pad Thai for Beginners” that taught you how to make the real thing, the way they do in the streets of Bangkok.

And since there’s a chapter in Craving London about my three weeks in Thailand, I wanted to share Pim’s legendary recipe. She quit writing Chez Pim years ago to become a restaurateur, and she is now the executive chef of Nahm in Bangkok. But you can still find her recipe—captivating her unique personality—here.

It’s here: the very hungry cover

I started writing these updates in late April, and I’m so very grateful to every single one of you for sticking with me without even so much as a cover, which I’m excited to share with you right now:

This cover is the work of my friend Andrea Warmington, a veteran graphic designer and art director. She’s also British and appears in Craving London—where you’ll read about us mulling over the law of attraction in a Notting Hill café.

We met nearly 20 years ago at a New York advertising agency and have remained close friends throughout our multiple moves abroad and back. In 2017, she was named one of the top women in media by Folio Mag. Check out her online portfolio here.

When we first talked about the cover, I really didn’t have a specific vision of what I wanted, which is a tough brief for any creative. I just sent her the book blurb and left the rest in the hands of her genius. A few days later, she came back with five concepts, including this one, which immediately sprung out to me as the winner. Andrea had the idea while she was finishing a piece of homemade lemon pound cake (luscious-looking recipe here) and just happened to notice the Union Jack napkin in her apartment. So she quickly reached for her camera and composed the shot.

This book—and title—pack A LOT of varied elements, and I love how Andrea pulled it all together.

But wait, it gets even better!

Gay Hendricks has been a dear long-time mentor to me who has been enthusiastically championing my writing, and his endorsement is like wining the literary lottery for any writer, let alone a first-time author like me.

​Gay and his wife Katie are role models for the kind of relationship I admire—compassionate, creative, expansive, and passionate, decade after decade. I will write more about what I’ve learned from Gay and Katie in future updates.

For now, if you haven’t yet read The Big Leap, prepare to be changed.

In the kitchen: Summer is for fast food

The mad dash in the kitchen continues as I wade through my now 20-page launch plan. A total of 7 tomato plants have sprouted in my raised bed—all from last year’s harvest! Little buds are forming, and we’ll look forward to hundreds of tomatoes late summer. One of my favorite rituals with Master M is to eat them straight off the vine.​

For now, these “orange poppers” from Wegmans will have to do, along with basil from the garden, some fresh mozzarella, olive oil, balsamic vinegar, coarse salt and generous grindings of black pepper.

A confession…or more

Remember when I said I was DONE editing my manuscript? I was wrong. Way off.

First, my read through after the copyedit brought up several areas I wanted to flesh out even more. Then, several people in my writer’s Facebook group happened to mention that they do an audio edit as a final step before sending to a proofreader. Well, I had already read the manuscript aloud to myself weeks ago, but I had never thought about having my computer read it to me!

A few clicks on Google showed me how to set it all up on my Mac. Not only was this hugely helpful for catching yet a bunch more details I could polish, but it was also a nice confidence booster. “Ava”, my chosen voice, cheerfully read every sentence to me—all the way through to the end—and even made me laugh out loud with her diligent enunciation of the few profane words in the manuscript.

Oh! Here’s the full title:

Craving London: Confessions of an Incurable Romantic with an Insatiable Appetite

Cover reveal coming soon!

Speaking of profanity, I’ve had ONE brave male test reader—a British one, at that. Olaf Starorypinski, who was born and raised in London, is a phenomenal photographer here in the Lehigh Valley. Olaf told me that the British swear a whole lot more than I had depicted in the book. He also could not believe I haven’t tried Spotted Dick.

One of my fears—and there are many—about publishing this book is that I would come across as utterly nuts, especially to men (hmm, why I care about this requires yet more personal reflection and investigation). Anyway, Olaf told me that he has read several memoirs by women and is always shocked by how much women think about everything. Just as I was feeling relieved that I wasn’t alone, Olaf said “You really think a lot.”

Yep.

In the kitchen: Liquid lunches

My life these days is pretty simple: motherhood and manuscript. When Master M. is asleep or with his dad, I’m scrambling to get this book out into the world. That means that when I’m alone, I take food shortcuts. Reheated pizza (made from the sourdough starter in my fridge), salads, smoothies. Here’s my current favorite, just in time for summer:

Strawberry Watermelon Cooler

½ baby watermelon, flesh scooped out

Handful of frozen strawberries

Juice of one lime

Blend on high speed and slurp.