Sanam Asif's Blog, page 2

Just Like Fire: Book 2: Chapter

Pariza walked through the thick woods with her sisters, playing with her spinning disk as the wind blew her long auburn hair. The toy was made for her by her elder sister, Tia. The disk was made of clay, and Tia had painted a blood moon on one side, while the other side had six stars painted on it. When little Pariza pulled on the strings on either side of the disk, it began to spin. The image that pulsed was of a beautiful crimson moon with silver stars shining on top of it. It always made Pariza giggle, seeing the two images merge into one. Being a young Paragon who was born at the end of the Great War, Pariza hadn’t seen much in her life. They were all created for a purpose that had now been fulfilled. They now spent their days in the lamasery in a small secluded village of Zodel, made for them by the Great Ones.

“Hurry up, Pariza!” exclaimed Yaritza, who was leading the sisterhood towards the tombs of the Great Ones. “We are already late, Pari,” She said with her eyebrows raised and a soft smile on her face.

Pariza scooped her gown and walked towards Yaritza, but at once bit her bottom lip when her foot got into the mud, staining her clothes. Seeing Yaritza come towards her, she quickly placed her spinning disk in her suitcase.

“Now look what you have done,” Yaritza uttered in a disapproving tone. She had sat the entire night sewing the white gown for Pariza. Yaritza knew why the Great Ones had summoned them to the tomb. It was to bless Pariza. She was the youngest Paragon and still hadn’t met the Great Ones. Tonight it was her turn to be acquainted with them.

Yaritza took out a small handkerchief from her pouch and started to wipe off the mud from the helm of the dress Pariza wore.

“What is taking you both so long,” she heard a panicked Clover call from afar.

With her hands working quickly to remove the mud from the dress, Yaritza looked over her shoulder and shouted, “We are coming, Clover!”. Once the dress was somewhat free from dirt, Yaritza sighed and adjusted her hood as she stood up with an approving smile on her face. She held the little girl’s hand and paced towards her sisters, who stood waiting for them both.

There were nine Paragons left after the Great War had ended, with Pariza being the tenth one. The Paragons had fought vehemently alongside men and the Great Ones. The fight wasn’t an easy one, and many Paragons perished, for their duty was not only to defeat Whiro and finish the Crown of Fire but also to protect men and The Great Ones. Their lives in the lamasery were mundane, but they knew they had to stay there for their good, for evil beings were lurking in the shadows to have them and use them to raise Whiro once again. But the Great Ones will never let that happen.

Once they all were near the Sacred Tomb gates, they saw the Edin guards stand outside of it. It wasn’t unusual for Edin guards and warriors to be in Zodel, for they were tasked to protect the remaining Paragons from the evil that seek them.

“Sister Yartiza,” the guard nodded upon seeing them at the gates and opened it. The Paragons had been inside the Sacred Tomb many times, for they drew their power from the land of this place, but for Pariza, it was the first time she had set her foot inside. The guards handed them the lamps one by one.

“Ehhh… Where is Tia?” he asked, seeing one of the Paragons was missing. It was then that Yaritza and the rest of the group realized Tia wasn’t with them as they walked to the Sacred Tomb.

“Damn it, Tia,” Yaritza said under her breath and ran her hand through her hair in nervousness. Enraged with Tia’s disrespect for the Great Ones call, Clover stomped her foot on the ground, which only made the other Paragons chuckle.

“Where is she?” Clover glared at her sisters, who quickly straightened themselves. Clover and Yaritza were both one of the earliest Paragons. At the same time, Yaritza had a gentle personality, while Clover had become battle-hardened after losing so many of her sisters to the Great War. She was protective of each one of them, which sometimes came off as overbearing.

“You know where she is. She has better things to do than us,” said Aine, with her hand on her mouth, trying her best to hold back the laugh that was bursting from her. Melody, another Paragon, nudged Aine with her elbow, seeing how displeased both Yaritza and Clover looked. Clover stepped closer to Aine with a darkened look on her face, making the younger Paragon step back in fright.

“You mock the Great Ones!” scowled Clover right in Aine’s face making her shiver. At one, Layla and Elara came forward and held Clover’s arms.

“Let’s not make a scene at the gates of Sacred Tomb,” Elara whispered. “Look at Pariza. She is scared.” She added, and finally, Clover sighed, stepping back from Aine.

Staring at the ground, with her nostrils flared in anger, she nodded, “Let’s go inside without her. She can join when she is here. I will put a stop to this nuisance once we are done.” Clover declared. They all figured out where Tia was; they all knew it very well. Despite the restrictions set on them at the lamasery, Tia had fallen in love with an Edin warrior. At the start, it was just subtle glances that were between her and Rae, but later it turned into so much more. Sneaking out at night to meet her lover was a thing that Tia did now and then. Though Yaritza or Clover had never caught her, still the sisters knew about her infatuation with the warrior.

 

Just a few hours before the sisters left the lamasery, Tia had sneaked out of the large window and walked hurriedly towards the forest. Dressed in her white gown, which they wore whenever The Great Ones called them, Tia looked mesmerizing. Her long golden hair swung to and fro as she started to run deep into the woods. When she stopped to catch her breath, she heard someone move near her, and it was on instinct that she quickly turned and threw a punch, missing what turned out to be her lover’s face by scant inches.

“Rae!” she exclaimed, “How many times do I have to tell you to not sneak up on me like that.” Tia was about to move forward towards Rae when he quickly pushed her against the rough tree. His breath was harsh against her ear, which caused her to shiver in anticipation. “You are late.” He whispered in that husky voice of his that always made Tia lose control.

“I came as quickly as …” she didn’t even get a chance to finish her sentence when she felt Rae’s lips on hers. His hands crept up, and his fingers tangled into her golden locks, pulling them tightly.

A gentle moan escaped Tia’s lips, and that was all the encouragement Rae needed. When he broke the kiss, Tia could see his eyes grow darker with desire. She gave him a gentle push and undid the strings of her gown, observing the smile that crept up Rae’s mouth seeing her undress. Rae wasted no time and quickly kissed Tia again, this time plundering her mouth, tasting her as she tried to hold back the moans. They both fell to the ground as they melted into each other’s body and soul.

Tia’s mind neared delirious with the pleasure she felt by the warmth low in her belly. She had her finger twined in her lover’s hair and kept pulling it until she came undone. Rae laid next to her on the forest ground, holding her hand, and panted. He turned towards her and brought her hand to his lips.

“I love you so much, Tia,” he whispered in a jittery tone as if he was afraid of something.

Tia caressed his cheek and shook her head with a smile on her face, “I love you too.”

Rae sighed, staring straight into her eyes, “Stay the night. Don’t leave me tonight.” He yelled, which made Tia nervous. Tia and Rae had been in love with each other for more than a year now. The sisters knew about him, but Yaritza and Clover disapproved of the relationship she had with the Edin warrior. He had never asked her to spend the night with him, knowing all too well that hell will break loose if the word gets out about a Paragon being in love with a man.

She got up and started to wear her white dress quickly, “You know I can’t,” she replied, looking at Rae, who now had a frown on his face.

“Just one night Tia. That’s all I am asking,” he urged, looking at the ground, avoiding Tia’s gaze. Once Tia was dressed, she put on her hood and covered her head. She walked over to Rae and placed a gentle kiss on his cheek.

“We visit the Great Ones tonight. I can’t…” Tia replied and turned away to leave, but Rae caught her hand and jerked her towards himself. He hugged her tightly and nuzzled his nose in her hair, inhaling her scent.

“Let’s run away!” he urged, looking dead straight into her eyes. For a moment, Tia felt nervous, knowing deep in her heart that something was amiss. “What is it, Rae?” she asked, now genuinely concerned, but Rae quickly let her go and started to get dressed. He shrugged and finally turned around, “I hate this game of hiding and seek. I want to be with you. Forever.” He declared. Though Rae was a passionate lover, his clinginess tonight was out of the ordinary. She wanted to ask him the reason but knew she didn’t have the time. She needed to catch up with the group before Yaritza, and Clover noticed her absence.

“I will see you tomorrow night.” She assured him and kissed him goodbye before running into the woods, leaving him behind with a hollow look on his face. For he knew what was about conspire at the Sacred Tomb.

 

Inside the Scared Tomb, Ahren stared at the oculus on the dome of the building. The Sacred Tomb was not always a tomb; it was the Great Ones’s gathering place; it was called the Oropher Fortress. It served as the castle for Oropher, the King of the Great Ones, and Ahren’s father. Ahren was born in this very castle; he had run through the corridors of this place. He had played with his sister here. The castle used to be his home – and now this was a tomb, a mausoleum of his people. The great castle had been damaged a great deal during the great war. The castle’s large courtyard still had the rubble from the destruction caused by Whiro’s last attack, which took many lives. The fortress that was a symbol of glory for The Great Ones was nothing but a tomb now.

Seeing Ahren lost in his thoughts, Styx, his sister, approached him and placed her hand on his shoulder.

“What do you feel, Ahren?” she asked with her eyes rimmed red. From the corner of his eyes, he looked at the Edin warriors taking their places, which is when he sighed.

“I feel dread, sister. Only dread,” he mouthed and turned around to see Ruslan enter the crypt with King Waaiz, the ruler of Edinretha and son of the great King Rohaan.

“They are coming,” the King announced, and the Ahren and Styx nodded.

The tomb was nothing like anything Pariza had seen before. The tall structure left the child mesmerized. She had only seen castles and manors from the outside but never entered one and now being even inside a deserted castle that was a tomb left her awestruck. She walked holding Yaritza’s hand, while her other hand touched the structure’s stone walls as she stepped inside the crypt where the stone caskets of the fallen Great Ones were kept. Scones on the walls lit the room, and seeing the Great Ones for the first time made Pariza’s heart filled with joy. She heard so much about them from her sisters, and now she finally saw them. When her eyes met Ahren’s, she passed him the warmest smile, making him look away. It was not just Pariza, but all the Paragons felt joy being in the presence of their makers. One by one, they bowed to The Great Ones and took their places on their sides, not knowing that this will become their final resting place tonight.

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Side Hustle and Freelancing: Part 1

The lockdown and the whole Covid19 debacle hasn’t been easy on anyone. Unfortunately, more and more people are being laid off due to the pandemic and the crashing economy around the world. In my blog posts, I have time and again talked about the gig economy and the need of having a side hustle. How these two can be a real help into getting started with a small business of your own. Building your freelancing career or establishing a side business is easier said than done. The competition out there is cut-throat. I consider getting an office job, a walk in the park if you compare it with a successful freelancing career. So if you are someone who has made it – pat yourself on the back.

How about we first talk about the difference in freelancing and side hustle?

So side hustle is something that you are the owner of. A side hustle isn’t your part-time job; it is your asset. If someone else is in control of when you get paid, then it isn’t a side hustle. Side hustle ideally has to be something you are passionate about. For example, you like to paint. You are very good at it. You decide that you will sell your paintings, hence art becomes your side hustle. Anytime when you don’t feel like painting, you can stop and take a break and then get back to it again. You are the boss. 

But Freelancing is different because technically you still have a boss. The timings are flexible, you don’t have to travel, but still, you need to deliver the work. You have to do it once you have accepted to do the job. Still, it can be something you love and always wanted to do. 

Now how do you even get started? How do you choose what to do? And then how do you go about it? I get such questions every day on my blog and the first thing I ask them is what are you passionate about? What do you enjoy doing? What makes you feel accomplished? And most people don’t have an idea about it. And even if someone has figured out what want to do, it is likely many people are doing it already, which means you have serious competition. 

So what do you need to succeed in the competition? Well, you need skills. You need to be competent at what you will be doing, what you will be offering as a service out there. There are amazing opportunities out there, you just need to focus and work on refining your skills. Websites like Udemy, Coursera, Udacity, Linkedin Learning, Skillshare, Khan Academy are a blessing. You can learn anything you want from these websites. From cooking to learning how to play the guitar, from photography to learning to code, you can learn to do anything now without stepping out of your home. Pakistan, you can visit Femprow and find courses on how to get started in Entrepreneurship. If you are someone who wanted to get into the IT sector, check out Code Girls. The bottom line is there plenty of resources to help you get started, you just have to have the will to learn, to work on your abilities, and then reach out to the world. 

To wrap it up, whether it is a side hustle you are looking for or you want to get into freelancing, you need to be good at the service you will be offering to people. A Chinese philosopher called Confucius once said, “Choose a job you love and you’ll never have to work a day in your life.” I couldn’t agree more with his message. 

On average, people spend 13 years and two months of their lifetime being at work. I think life is simply too short to be miserable for 13 years. That is why I say, find the job, the work that fulfills you, that inspires you, that makes you happy, that is your true calling.

I am going to end this one with a very wise saying I read once and it still resonates with me. It made me think about what I wanted to do in life. What I needed to do to be happy and content.

“Do not wait until the conditions are perfect to begin. Beginning makes the conditions perfect.” – Alan Cohen

My message – Go for it!

In the next blog posts, I will be talking about:

Know your passion.
Refine that passion.
Approach the world with it.

So stay tuned.

You can check out some of the blog posts I did earlier related to this topic.

Start Your Freelancing Career

3 Reasons Why You Should Give Freelancing A Thought

Why Women Need To Be Financially Independent

Or check out the entire Work From Home section.

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Upwork Specialized Profiles-Your Questions Answered: My First Guestpost at Womenintechpk

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My First Cellphone: A Story about Tech Nostalgia

The year was 2014, it was probably October or November when I arrived at Sir Syed University for my entrance test. It was the first time I saw kids my age, have cellphones in their hands because the college I was from didn’t allow phones. I was from a middle-class background and most of the time, not aware of the latest trends going around. So the top trend in 2014 was cellphones. My parents had made it clear to me that cellphones were for adults who work so there was no need for me to have one. I concurred because I wasn’t the stubborn type.

But since having appeared in the entry test there were only two things on my mind. 1. To look amazing on my first day at University 2. Have a cellphone in my hand like a Starplus Bahoo, making Croring ki deals. Those were the good old days when youngsters had their phones in their hands like they were some important business people, only to learn how stupid it was when the phone used to get snatched at Gunpoint.

Anyhoo, it was now 14th January 2005, just one day before my first day at the University. I couldn’t tell Abbu how my heart was set on getting a cellphone before the first day at the university, so I told Ammi. At first, she refused, kept explaining to me how I didn’t need it. But then one day she took me out for a walk, we kept walking in the alleys of FB Area until we reached the Area opposite Sangam ground where there were lots of apartment buildings and many shops. Those were the times when ladies didn’t go into Net Cafés or Mobile shops. Don’t ask me why, I am still not sure, it’s something my parents told me. Well, Ammi took me to a Mobile Shop and told me I have Rs 4000 so buy something in this range. Reminiscing, I feel we were so naïve because we had never bought a phone before. We went to the counter and asked the guy to show us a phone worth Rs4000 and he showed us this beauty, Nokia 1110.

It was love at first sight for me, I grabbed my Ammi’s dupatta and told her this is the one. I am not even sure if it was really worth Rs4000 at that time. But it was my first, and I loved it. I was over the moon that I had my first cellphone. I got a Ufone sim, and Rs 500 balance card and I was ready to rock my first day at the university. And that my friends, I did.

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Why Kids Need To Know About “Safety”

We guide our kids in all sorts of ways to keep themselves safe. We teach them to stay away from the iron, watch out for the hot stove, we teach them to look both ways before they cross the street. But, we don’t teach them about body safety at an early age which can give them a chance to deter a potentially harmful situation. 

Lately, it seems like it has become common to see news stories about children being abducted and abused. Every day there is a new incident. Some get media attention, most get swept under the rug. And these are only the reported incidents, no one knows how many unreported crimes against children are being committed.

According to Sahil, the only organization in Pakistan that works exclusively on the issue of child sexual abuse and exploitation, almost 12 children have been abused per day during the period January-June 2018. The “Cruel Numbers” report (Jan-Jun 2018) shows that a total of 2,322 child abuse cases were reported in newspapers from all four provinces, including Islamabad Capital Territory (ICT), Azad Jammu and Kashmir (AJK) and Gilgit-Baltistan (GB).

http://sahil.org/cruel-numbers/

DO I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION NOW?

The world is turning into a scary place every day. For mothers like me who send their kids to school, it is very hard to ensure their children’s safety while they are not in front of us. That is where age-appropriate communication with children about child sexual abuse should be introduced as it is the key protective measures that adults can undertake. We cannot be with our children everywhere, we cannot lock them inside the house and isolate them. They have to go out in the world and interact with people. But we can educate them with the knowledge to protect themselves. We can give them the necessary awareness so they do not fall prey to some predator. And you know what is the number one thing that you as a parent can do for your kids- it is to create awareness about this sensitive topic by using kid-friendly words. Children from an early age need to be aware of their bodies. The majority of parents do not inform their children about body safety, it is considered a taboo topic. But the times we are living in and the frequency of such incidents tells us that it isn’t something we can ignore.

 It is high time we, parents take necessary steps to establish the understanding of “Body Safety”, “Boundaries” and “Sexual Abuse”.

Earlier this month, Shifaam and Joy Of A Gift organized a session on child safety, to create awareness on good touch and bad touch “Know Your Safe Circle”. Mothers and children, both were invited to attend the session. You can check their page for their live session. In the coming week, I will be writing about how to talk to your child about these sensitive topics and what words you should be using for this conversation, what signs as parents we need to have an eye on to protect our children.

Remember that young children are targeted for these crimes due to their innocence and ignorance, and by giving them knowledge about this topic you are working your way into teaching them to not be a victim.

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Best Comfort Food- Dal Chawal

For many of us, dal chawal is the ultimate comfort food. I don’t know of any other food that is more satiating than dal chawal. I can have it every day.
While my favorite dal is Arhar, also called Toor, but since it takes longer to cook I normally cook Moong and Masoor dal. One thing I have observed is adding freshly ground ginger garlic adds more taste to the dal.
So today I decided to treat myself and my family with dal with garlic, cumin, and red chili Tarka, chawal, methi aloo, fried eggplant, which by the way are from our garden and some salad. It was divine.

Dal Chawal



Dal Mung ½ cupDal Masoor 1 cupRice 2 cupsWater as neededSalt as per tasteCooking OilTurmeric 1 tspRed Chili Powder 2 tbspFreshly ground Ginger GarlicGarlic Chopped 1 tbspWhole Red Chili 3 piecesCumin 1 tbsp

Step by Step Cooking Method

In a bowl, add water and rice. Keep rice in the water for 15-20 minutes.In a cooking pot, add water, rice, salt and boil it.In a bowl, add dal masoor and dal moong. Keep them in the water for 15-20 minutes.Now boil dal masoor, dal moong in the water. After that add, salt, red chili powder, turmeric, and freshly ground ginger-garlic.Steam it for 15-20 minutes on low flame until cooked. After that add Tarka.Tarka: In a cooking pan, add cooking oil, chopped garlic, whole red chili, and cumin and fry it until light brown.Your tasty Dal Chawal recipe is ready to serve.

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The Women Tribe

I want my daughter to know that instead of giving in to jealousy, she can be the one to lift and build another one. That she can be competitive without being nasty. She can be confident without pulling someone else down.  

It is said, behind every successful woman there is a tribe of women supporting her. She can be THAT successful woman, but first, she has to be among the tribe of the women who are supporting.

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My Valentine’s Day Playlist

9 years. This will be the 9th Valentine’s Day with my husband. So with VDay either I go O.T.T or I just downplay it, there is no in-between. But this year because I have been sick for so long pertaining to my allergies. This year I decided to show him, my love, through music, because what better way to celebrate love than music? Well, you can always say it with flowers, chocolate, or jewelry but this year it is music for me. Read on you might like the idea too.

Ladies, and (gentlemen, if any are reading), I think nothing lets you express your feelings and give words to your feelings or set the mood quite like a finely-crafted playlist. Maybe you are driving to dinner with your significant other, or at home enjoying each other’s company, make sure you have the perfect soundtrack playing.

Here are some of the songs on my playlist, also at the end of the blog you get a link to my fabulous playlist. You can tweak according to your taste.

Counting Stars – OneRepublic

Lately, I been, I been losing sleep
Dreaming about the things that we could be
Baby I been, I been prayin’ hard
Said no more counting dollars
We’ll be, we’ll be counting stars

This song is about financial problems in general, but it is up to the audience to draw its actual meaning. This song has a beautiful meaning that counting money doesn’t really make your life any better. Your life should be quality over quantity.

2. Halo – Beyonce

Everywhere I’m looking now

I’m surrounded by your embrace Baby,

I can see your halo

You know you’re my saving grace

I just love this song so much. If you have ever been hurt or let down, but finally found the right guy, this is your song. It’s about a woman feeling the full warmth of love tingle deep inside. 

3. The Way I Are (Extended Version) – Timbaland

I ain’t got no money
I ain’t got no car to take you on a date
I can’t even buy you flowers
But together we’ll be the perfect soulmates

And my favorite part

It’s a struggle just to get you in the caravan
But listen baby girl
Before I let you lose a pound, I’ll buy a bigger car
So listen baby girl
I love you just the way you are, the way you are

Yeah, I like this part, cuz I don’t intend to lose a pound.

4. Mann Mera – Table No. 21 ft. Gajendra Verma

gire barsaat mein paani jaise,

koi kahaani jaise,

dil se ho dil tak jo bayaan..

aashiq dil tera puraana hai ye..

deewana deewana samjhe na..

I know, I am a hopeless romantic. You cannot go wrong with this song.

5. Mar Jayiaan – Vicky Donor

Dil mein koi rag yun
Dhadakti hai, ki jaise bijli si daude
Saansein teri saansein
Jagaati hai bina tere

Mar jayian, tere bin mar jayian

Mar jayian, tere bin mar jayian re

Long drive, rain, holding hands with your spouse and this song.
If this isn’t a perfect date,

then what is?

6. Bleeding Love – Leona Lewis

Watch this So You Think
You Can Dance version of the song; it is my favorite version.

My heart melts into the ground, found something true
And everyone’s looking round, thinking I’m going crazy

But I don’t care what they say

I’m in love with you

Feeling dramatic? Are we? Listen to this one.

7. No Air – Jordin Sparks

Do you expect me, to live alone with just me?
‘Cause my world revolves around you
It’s so hard for me to breathe

Long distance relationship? Make him come back with this song

8. Cazy in Love – Sofia Karlberg version (recommended)

Got me lookin’ so crazy right now
Your love’s got me lookin’ so crazy right now
Got me lookin’ so crazy right now your touch’s
Got me lookin’ so crazy right now
Got me hoping you page me right now your kiss’s
Got me hoping you save me right now

To get the right feels of this song, it is important you listen to the Sofia Karlberg version. The oooommphh factor is there.

9. So this is love – Cinderalla (French Ukulele version)

So this is love.
So this is what makes life divine.
I’m all aglow,
Mmmm

I swear I was singing this song in the morning while making breakfast. Experience the miracle that is love with this song.

10. Love Fool – Cardigans

Love me love me
Say that you love me
Fool me fool me
Go on and fool me
Love me love me
Pretend that you love me

This one is really old, almost 24 YEARS OLD. But this one is for that chipkoo lover in all of us. This was my tune back in the day.

11. Parachute – Cheryl Cole

Well, I don’t need a parachute
Baby, if I’ve got you.

Just a song about being in a nice relationship with someone who will look after you.

12. Ed Sheeran – Perfect

But darling, just kiss me slow, your heart is all I own
And in your eyes, you’re holding mine

No V-day song list is complete without at least one Ed Sheeran song. Isn’t this one perfect for a slow dance? BTW I like this song because it proves that love is possible against the odds. You guys can accomplish anything, just put your heart to it.

13. All You Need to Know – Gryffin & Slander

No love lost, we’ve got you and I
No clouds, we shoot them out the sky
You’ll never have to be alone
And that’s all you need to know

You have to watch the music video to know why this is on the list. Thank me later.

14. Still Falling for You – Ellie Goulding

And just like that
All I breathe
All I feel
You are all for me
No one can lift me, catch me the way that you do
I’m still falling for you

This is OUR song. This is OUR ANTHEM.  No matter what happens, despite how different
we are – I am still falling for him.

You can think of this as an old-school mixtape as well because the playlist has been sequenced for your listening pleasure. So dig in, enjoy, and maybe use it to soundtrack your trip to the florist to get those roses for your significant other.

Here is the link to this playlist

Valentine’s Day Playlist

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3 Myths About Feminism and Marriage

Today I want to talk about the dreaded F-word- Feminism, and I also want to talk about the M-word- marriage. Feminism has become a controversial term, though it shouldn’t be. We get to hear words like “Feminazi” and the actual meaning gets contorted into something it was never meant to be. So why not first look at the actual definition of feminism.

So when you google the term feminism, below is the
definition you will get.

“the advocacy of women’s rights on the ground of the equality of the sexes.”

It is simply a belief that says men and women are equal and
that they should be given the same rights and opportunities.

Now let’s get to the main topic, how does being a feminist
affects marital relationships? Considering that there many people who have a
misconception that maligns feminism to be equal to misandry. You know that is
not true and hence I decided to bust some myths about feminism and
relationships.

The common myths that we get to hear are

Feminists Are Men-haters:

Feminists are NOT men-haters, there is a separate term for
that called Misandry, google it. It is the same as misogyny but with opposite
genders, maybe that is why men are so offended by the term. The truth is, a
feminist just wants to be treated as equal in all parts and decisions of HER
life. They are women who know their worth, have certain priorities and goals in
life, and expect their significant others to acknowledge and have faith in
them.

Feminists Are NOT Religious Women:

From the start, my parents raised us siblings as equals. We were given equal opportunities that were given to our brother. Growing up, never have I ever felt being lesser than my brother. We all were treated the same, were loved the same and were disciplined the same way. I was lucky that my husband had the same mindset. We both believe in equality in relationships and responsibilities.

The Quran states the full equality of women so clearly, “O humanity, We have created you from a male and a female, and made you into races and tribes, so that you may identify one another. Surely the noblest of you, in Allah’s sight, is the one who is most pious of you. Surely Allah is All-Knowing, All-Aware.”

(Surah Al Hujurat 49:13).  

I think why most men label feminism to be a non-religious belief, is actually their deep-rooted fear that a feminist wife will oppose their right to marry four times. There is an Ayat in the Quran

“And if you fear that you will not deal justly with the orphan girls, then marry those that please you of [other] women, two or three or four. But if you fear that you will not be just, then [marry only] one or those your right hand possesses. That is more suitable that you may not incline [to injustice]”

(Surah Al Nisa 4:3)

While the Ayat allows Muslim men to marry up to four women, let us not forget the times in which this Ayat was revealed. During the battle of Uhud, many Muslim men were martyred leaving behind widows, orphans, and single unmarried women. The Ayat was revealed to Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) in order to protect these women and to increase the number of Muslims. While polygamy existed since ancient times, it was Islam that talked about responsibility- if you can’t treat your one wife justly, don’t marry a second.

3. Feminism Destroys a Marriage:

To get married, to not get married, to get a divorce, all these are personal choices and a person doesn’t necessarily have to be a feminist to understand this fact. Again the emphasis is on equality, a spouse that lets us take our own decisions and supports them. A feminist marriage is where both husband and wife, treat each other as equals and work as a team. Sure marriage is hard and some days can be good, some are not so good, but the mechanics of a feminist marriage are based on parity and that’s what makes it a good marriage.  This mindset does not destroy a marriage, as a matter of fact, it just brings both the husband and wife even more close, take my word for it.

Let me know in the comments what you think about this.

Check out why I am raising my kids to be feminists.

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