Anna Kettle's Blog, page 8

12 soul-saving Christmas ideas

A weight of expectation?

I love the Christmas season. But sometimes it can feel hard not to get lost in the pre-Christmas busyness, can’t it?

Many of us have such an almighty long list of things that we need to get done before Christmas arrives; gifts to shop for, homes to decorate, meals to prepare, card to send, family me...

On being thankful

Everyday Gratitude

The Thanksgiving Holiday is almost here, which may not mean much to some of my fellow Brits, but it’s a huge deal across the Atlantic pond.

For many Americans, Thanksgiving is a day for resting, for celebrating, for gathering with friends and family, and for feasting around the thanksgiving meal table. Bu...

Making advent meaningful

I don’t know about you, but this year I feel super-excited about reaching the advent season. After all, it has been quite a year, hasn’t it?

So even though the events of that first Christmas happened over 2000 years ago, the invitation to slow down and remember Emmanuel, God with us, has never felt more timely.

And it fee...

A letter to my son

...

10 things you shouldn’t say to couples facing infertility

Incredibly, 1 in 8 couples face infertility and 1 in 7 couples experience secondary infertility (infertility after previously having a child).

But even though infertility problems are fairly common, it can still be hard to know what to say or not say to a friend or family member dealing with infertility.

So I thought I’d ...

When you don’t know what to do

“I lift up my eyes to the mountains— where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.”(Psalm 121: 1-2)

Have you ever faced a situation that felt like an unmoveable mountain? A time when the way ahead looked so uncertain and so difficult that you literally didn’t know what to do?

If...

Learning to let go

 Lessons from fall

I don’t know how things look where you are right now, but here in the UK we are in the full throes of Autumn now.

The air is suddenly so crisp and cool, the mornings and evenings are growing dark, and green leaves are morphing into brown, reds and yellows everywhere I look. Fallen leaves are lining the g...

Dealing with disappointment in God

This promise is one f my favourite passages from the Bible, and one that I find myself returning to a lot lately. But the truth is that for the longest time, I used to interpret it wrongly…

“Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” (Psalm 37:4)

For years, I thought that this meant that if I delighted myself in God He would give me pretty much whatever I wanted or asked Him for, like some kind of holy Santa Claus or genie in a magic lamp.

So whenever parts of my life didn’t unfold exactly as I expected, or within the timescales that I felt were acceptable, I would find myself feeling angry and let down by God, and quickly questioning my faith.

Why wasn’t I getting my heart’s desires?! Why was God withholding something good from me? Wasn’t I delighting in Him enough? Hadn’t I put in enough fervent hours of prayer? Did I need to do more “spiritual stuff” in order to somehow prove my devotion and twist His arm into blessing me?

The truth is that it has taken me years of wrestling with disappointments to realize that this kind of thinking is totally flawed. God isn’t a spiritual vending machine, and you can’t insert spiritual tokens and then select whatever you want from him with the push of a button. A relationship with God can’t be treated as if it were just another consumer transaction.

It’s no secret that one of the desires of my heart right now is for another child, yet after 3 long years of seeking God as best I know how to through the heartbreak of loss and infertility, I remain empty handed.

So these days, I interpret this verse quite differently…

I think that when we delight ourselves in the Lord, we discover that the desires of our heart begin to more naturally fall more in line with His own. Our perspectives will begin to change. Our priorities begin to become his priorities, and we begin to discover that simply being in His presence becomes the greatest gift of all.

In God’s presence I often find that things begin to be set right again, and all of my anger and bitterness and sadness and unanswered, begin to subside. My heart is softened again, I can begin to experience his peace, and I am reminded of what matters most.

And in the end, after all my fighting and wrestling with God is done about a situation that I don’t like and didn’t choose, I always find myself landing back at this same point; as much as I want another baby, I want and need His presence more.

I still don’t have all the answers or fully understand how any of this works, (I’m not actually sure we can this side of heaven) but what I do know is that God’s love has to be my starting point, my ending point, and
everything in between.

 


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Why I’m not a miscarriage ‘survivor’

 First things first…

Okay, so firstly for anyone who isn’t already familiar with my story, technically I am a ‘miscarriage survivor’. After all, I have experienced not just one, but three consecutive pregnancy losses over the past couple of years, following the birth of my first (and only) living son Ben who is now five and a half.

Experiencing three or more miscarriages in a row is termed as ‘recurrent miscarriage’ and it’s a condition that affects less than 1% of women. What’s more, despite endless screenings and medical test the cause of my recurrent miscarriage remains ‘unexplained’, which means that there’s no clear road map for treatment or cure ahead.

So having lived with the slow creeping grief of unexplained recurrent miscarriage for almost three years now, I more than quality for the label of ‘miscarriage survivor’… except that I have begun to really hate this term.

 Why I hate this term

I know that the term ‘miscarriage survivor’ is well-meaning and fairly commonly used in infertility circles, but there are several reasons why I don’t like using it.

Firstly, I think it’s an ill-fitting phrase because I am not a ‘survivor’. I didn’t overcome a life-threatening illness like a cancer, heart failure or stroke. I lost a baby in utero (well, three in fact). And in that sense, miscarriage really isn’t about survival at all. It’s about accepting death and working through grief.

But secondly, and perhaps more importantly, I don’t like using the term because I don’t want to be defined by what I have lost, or even what I have emotionally journeyed through and ‘survived’. You see, I’d much rather be defined by what I have ‘overcome’.

 Facing hard things

I recently finished reading ‘Untamed’ by Glennon Doyle, and my biggest takeaway from the her book was this: Life can be really hard sometimes, but I am capable of doing hard things.

“I am capable of doing hard things”- Glennon Doyle

I already knew this at some level of course, long before I read this book. We are all capable of doing hard things - and many of us frequently do. Human resilience is an incredible thing.

But hard things also mark you too, and leave you permanently changed. So today the world around me feels less sure than I was ever taught to expect, and the ground beneath my feet less firm. My body feels more broken than I ever imagined, and my human disposition feels more real. And any spiritual certainty that I once held to firmly, also now feels much less formulaic and sure.

 How I am left changed

But although this hasn’t been an easy part of my journey, one positive take away I have is that I am also stronger and braver for walking through it.

I now know that I can walk through the hardest of heartbreaks, and although it might hurt for a time, I won’t be consumed by the sadness. I will learn to laugh again.

I can have my dreams shattered not just once but again and again, and although I will feel disappointed for a while, I won’t be broken beyond repair. I will dare to dream again.

I can face endless uncertainty and exist in a state of emotional limbo, not just for months but for years and years, and although it feels uncomfortable, I won’t be completely unanchored by it. I will practice gratitude for today.

I can sit with others in the midst of their pain, and even when their suffering lingers, know that I don’t need to fix it or have all the answers. I have learned to listen and relate.

And most of all, now I know that I can face my very worst fears, and even stare death in the face more than once, and yet it won’t kill me. I know that death doesn’t get the final say.

I can battle through the toughest of challenges and still find a way to hold onto hope and grow in my faith.

I had always hoped that these things were true about me, but now I know it for sure. Life is hard, but I can do hard things. I am stronger and braver than I ever dared to imagine.

 Not a survivor, but warrior

As Andy and I approach the end of our fertility journey this autumn, I remain painfully aware that life can sometimes it can throw you the most unexpected curved balls. Bad things do actually happen to good people, over and over again. And it seems so damn unfair.

But as humans I think we each have an incredible capacity hard-wired into us for doing hard things. And not for just surviving life’s knocks, but actually being changed and reshaped by them, becoming braver and more resilient for them.

This is why I am challenged not to talk about myself or any other women as a ‘miscarriage survivor’ anymore, because I am not just a survivor; I am a warrior.

I have battled recurrent miscarriage for almost three years, and have not been defeated by it.

It may well have defeated my body, but I am not a victim because I am not passive in the face of my suffering. I didn’t choose unexplained miscarriage to rob me of my plans to grow a family, but I do get to choose what I do with that experience now.

So whether or not we ever get our rainbow baby, I know that I have already fought the hardest battle - which is the one inside of myself - and have won. And I will continue to fight alongside others who walk this same path of brokenness too.

Life can be really hard, but we are all capable of doing hard things.

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21 things I love about the fall

A Confession.

Being a Brit, I am not a massive fan of the fall/winter season. If you are, well then good for you!

But I am just more of a summer person. I like BBQs, outdoor picnics, beach trips and being warm! So for me, the wintery months in England are just too wet and dark and cold…

Still, I realise that it’s not great for your mental health to spend half of every year feeling miserable or quietly dreading of the months that lie ahead. So this year I have decided to embrace the changing seasons and to focus on all that’s good in the passing of summer to winter. And that means searching out every drop of goodness, and proactively seeking out the joy… 

Because isn’t this the best way to get through any season in life that we don’t like?

Starting Here >

So just to get me started, I have compiled a list below of 21 things I love about autumn/fall which you can read below.

I am also beginning the practice of journaling daily about three things that I have found beautiful, compelling or simply feel grateful for (an idea borrowed from Ann Voskamp’s ‘One Thousand Gifts’). And if you struggle with the seasonal shift towards winter time too, I invite you to join with me in trying out this simple practice…

You can follow me on Instagram or Facebook where I’ll be regularly posting updates and you can check out my progress.

 21 things I love about autumn/fall…

Autumn walks in local parks  – I love watching my little boy Ben playing amongst the falling leaves,  picking up conkers or ferns or acorns. And I am lucky enough to live in Liverpool which is home to some of the most beautiful public parks in the north of  England.

Winter grub – As it gets colder, I need no encouragement at all to get the slow cooker out and to start making some good, old-fashioned comfort meals like slow cooked stews and winter soups. So let’s get those recipes out, and bring it on!

Bonfire night and fireworks parties –  Each year friend get together to hold a firework display in someone’s back garden, everyone makes a donation or contributes some food and the kids go wild. It’s community spirit at its best!

Guilt-free cosy nights in - You no longer need to feel bad about wanting to stay in with a roaring fire, a hot mug of chocolate and your favourite book and comfy blanket!  Sometimes the best thing about winter is just shutting the door on the  horrible weather, snuggling up on the sofa watching old movies.

TV we all love to hate – Also whilst we’re on this subject, the Great British Bake Off, The X Factor, Strictly Come Dancing and many other great British TV institutions (that we all love to hate?) are back for the annual countdown to Christmas…

Going for a Sunday roast – There’s literally nothing better on a miserable wintery afternoon than to go for a good roast dinner in front of a roaring fire at a nice English pub.

Halloween – What is there really to say? Who doesn’t love dressing up their little ones in cute fancy dress, taking trips to visit a local pumpkin patch, carving jack o’ lanterns, and making pumpkin soup?

Seasonal coffees – As you may know, I’m a keen coffee drinker, so I just love it when all the novelty winter specials come out, like pumpkin latte, spiced nutmeg, orange chocolate, eggnog or gingerbread. Give me Christmas in a cup!

Winter wardrobes – When the temperature drops, it’s kind of exciting to get that winter wardrobe back out; big coats, thick boots, woolly jumpers, and cute woolly hats, socks and gloves galore!

Conker picking - Who doesn’t fondly remember hours of fun spent hunting for conkers on Autumn evenings after schools? This year, my little boy has already begun sizing up local chestnut trees!

Hot tub fun - Have you ever sat in a steaming hot tub under the starry skies on a clear winter’s night? If not, can I recommend that you make this the first year that you do!

Thanksgiving – Okay, so I’m not actually an American but I do have some American family, which I think means that I can at least steal a few of their thanksgiving traditions… like turkey, cornbread, pumpkin pie, pecan pie, and sweet potato… yum! In fact, Thanksgiving is the thing I most envy of all American traditions!

Winter markets –  There’s just an abundance of these winter markets popping up around towns and cities at this time of year, with chocolate crepes, warm waffles, sausages, roasted chestnuts, hot cider, mulled wine, and tons of other yummy treats on offer…

Sledging fun – One of the things that I have always loved about winter is snow sports, and although snowboarding has become a rarer event since having a child, there’s still lots of good hills that we use for sledging in snow, or nearby indoor slopes which offer all kinds of family fun like tubing and tobogganing too.

Pop-up ice skating rinks & ice bars  – Another thing that my city is great at doing is hosting pop up ice bars and ice rinks for winter time, which are just perfect for a rare, romantic date night over winter time.

Frost & snow - Also, let’s not forget those beautiful frosty mornings where there is beauty wherever you look. And who knows, maybe we’ll get some decent snow this  year! If we do, I can’t wait to do some sledging with my son!

Sparkly lights – Some  people might feel they are tacky and cheap but I love all the pretty,  sparkly, glowing Christmas lights and window displays. They brighten up our cities and neighbourhoods no end during the most gloomy time of year! Too soon to mention the ‘C’ word? Never!

Christmas shopping – Christmas is the season of giving, and although lots of people hate the hustle and bustle of Christmas shopping, I still enjoy the tradition of gift shopping - browsing displays and seeking out gifts to bless others with, picking out things I know they’ll love but would never buy for themselves is so fun!

Hosting seasonal parties – I also just love to host a good pre-Christmas gathering, so each year we try to arrange a mulled wine and cheese party for a few of our closest friends.

Carols by candlelight –  I’m not a massive fan of old carols themselves, but l do love to embrace a bit of festive tradition like carols by  candle night. Our local church also has a Christmas parade which features small kids dressed up in nativity related outfits such as reindeers,  shepherds, angels… or Spider-man (usually my son!). The cute factor is off the scale!

The holidays! … My husband and I are lucky enough to be in jobs where we tend to get most of the Christmas period off work, which means time to relax, enjoy Christmas and visit family and friends. I love this about Christmas - it’s the one time of the year that we stop completely!

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