David Schwinghammer's Blog, page 20
March 28, 2014
BEFORE THE DAWN
Using DNA markers, scientists have traced our origin to a hundred and fifty hunter gatherers.
Is Evolution a theory or a fact? After reading Nicholas Wade’s BEFORE THE DAWN, there seems to be little doubt that it is a fact.
Scientists can now trace, using the DNA of a louse, when people first began wearing clothes. They can trace our ancestors to 5,000 people who lived in Northern Africa 45,000 years ago. Using mitochondrial DNA, scientists have identified three main branches of humankind bearing the mutation markers L1, L2, and L3. L3's progeny, bearing the markers M or N, crossed the Red Sea, probably at the south end, followed the coastline and eventually settled in India. From there they spread out, some venturing toward the west, others east, usually in bands of 150 or so hunters and gatherers.
Scientists can also trace back remnants of the original language men spoke to two African tribes, Hadza and !Kung speakers, two of the most ancient populations in the world. Nicholas Wade argues that the development of language was an impetus to the ancestral population’s leaving Africa.
If they were to survive, these wanderers needed to treat strangers as kin. Religion was a helpful institution in that respect. They also retained certain traits from their primate past; protecting their territory and war. Then they learned to cultivate wheat, probably accidentally. This led to storage and to settlement and domestication of animals. With settlement our ancestors gave up their egalitarian lifestyles. Headmen and kings, priests, administrators were needed for ceremonies and to manage affairs. Specialization of roles followed.
Probably the most interesting aspect of BEFORE THE DAWN is the solid evidence Wade offers that evolution is a fact. Ironically blood diseases, such as sickle cell anemia, protect against diseases like malaria. Another recent mutation, as recent as 1300 years ago, protects against smallpox. Then there’s the ability to drink cow’s milk. We only became lactose tolerant 6,000 years ago. More solid evidence arises when we consider the Ashkenazi Jews, who have an I.Q. averaging at least a standard deviation higher than the rest of us. Some scientists argue that this resulted from the Ashkenazi being barred from all trades except monetary ones, which required complex thinking processes. Others maintain that because they were constantly being persecuted they had to be smarter to survive; natural selection took care of the rest.
Wade argues that evolution is an ongoing process. He predicts that in the future people will look different than they do today. They may be stockier and more compact due to the next ice ago. We may establish colonies on Mars and Europia and because of genetic drift these people would look different, much as the Chinese developed different skin color and eye folds due to isolation. Wade also foresees genetic engineering which may add another chromosome which would prevent old age and known diseases.
Wade also provides evidence that evolution can result from not only a physical environment but also a cultural environment. In that way, man is, to some degree, responsible for his own evolution. Charles Darwin said in THE DESCENT OF MAN, "Man may be excused for feeling some pride at having risen, though not through his own exertions, to the very summit of the organic scale; and the fact of his having thus risen, instead of having been aboriginally placed there, may give him hope for a still higher destiny in the distant future."
Is Evolution a theory or a fact? After reading Nicholas Wade’s BEFORE THE DAWN, there seems to be little doubt that it is a fact.
Scientists can now trace, using the DNA of a louse, when people first began wearing clothes. They can trace our ancestors to 5,000 people who lived in Northern Africa 45,000 years ago. Using mitochondrial DNA, scientists have identified three main branches of humankind bearing the mutation markers L1, L2, and L3. L3's progeny, bearing the markers M or N, crossed the Red Sea, probably at the south end, followed the coastline and eventually settled in India. From there they spread out, some venturing toward the west, others east, usually in bands of 150 or so hunters and gatherers.
Scientists can also trace back remnants of the original language men spoke to two African tribes, Hadza and !Kung speakers, two of the most ancient populations in the world. Nicholas Wade argues that the development of language was an impetus to the ancestral population’s leaving Africa.
If they were to survive, these wanderers needed to treat strangers as kin. Religion was a helpful institution in that respect. They also retained certain traits from their primate past; protecting their territory and war. Then they learned to cultivate wheat, probably accidentally. This led to storage and to settlement and domestication of animals. With settlement our ancestors gave up their egalitarian lifestyles. Headmen and kings, priests, administrators were needed for ceremonies and to manage affairs. Specialization of roles followed.
Probably the most interesting aspect of BEFORE THE DAWN is the solid evidence Wade offers that evolution is a fact. Ironically blood diseases, such as sickle cell anemia, protect against diseases like malaria. Another recent mutation, as recent as 1300 years ago, protects against smallpox. Then there’s the ability to drink cow’s milk. We only became lactose tolerant 6,000 years ago. More solid evidence arises when we consider the Ashkenazi Jews, who have an I.Q. averaging at least a standard deviation higher than the rest of us. Some scientists argue that this resulted from the Ashkenazi being barred from all trades except monetary ones, which required complex thinking processes. Others maintain that because they were constantly being persecuted they had to be smarter to survive; natural selection took care of the rest.
Wade argues that evolution is an ongoing process. He predicts that in the future people will look different than they do today. They may be stockier and more compact due to the next ice ago. We may establish colonies on Mars and Europia and because of genetic drift these people would look different, much as the Chinese developed different skin color and eye folds due to isolation. Wade also foresees genetic engineering which may add another chromosome which would prevent old age and known diseases.
Wade also provides evidence that evolution can result from not only a physical environment but also a cultural environment. In that way, man is, to some degree, responsible for his own evolution. Charles Darwin said in THE DESCENT OF MAN, "Man may be excused for feeling some pride at having risen, though not through his own exertions, to the very summit of the organic scale; and the fact of his having thus risen, instead of having been aboriginally placed there, may give him hope for a still higher destiny in the distant future."
March 26, 2014
THE STAGES
Daniel Peters is an American working as a translator at the Soren Kierkegaard Center in Copenhagen. He becomes embroiled in a murder case when his boss and former lover, Mette Rasmussen, is murdered, and a recently discovered Kierkegaard manuscript is stolen.
Daniel begins to pursue her killer, in his own unique fashion. You see, he has Aspergers and has a tendency to fall down stairs. He’s even a suspect in the case, as foot prints at the scene match his shoes, and he admits breaking a railing at the scene.
Many won’t recognize the name Kierkegaard. He was a philosopher/theologist who is sometimes called the “father of existentialism”. I took philosophy as a general in college, and I read Will Durant’s STORY OF PHILOSOPHY, or I wouldn’t know who he was either. The Danes seem to be obsessed with him. Not only is there a Kierkegaard Center, but there are several collections in various libraries Peters visits while helping the police find the killer. Peters himself is all too ready to accept the new manuscript as the real thing, despite the fact that Kierkegaard despised poetry. It’s not even good poetry, according to one of the philologists at the center. Kierkegaard was one strange dude. He wrote his books under assumed names, and Peters has trouble telling if Kierkegaard is being ironic during his translations. Kierkegaard seems to be toying with the reader. He also liked to pretend to be a slacker, although he was one of the hardest working writers of his time. He never married, although he was engaged, breaking off the wedding at the last minute. The poems are supposed to be about his fiancée. Mette believe that Kierkegaard himself suffered from Aspergers. Peters can be funny at times, although unintentionally. He asks the female police officer, who reminds him of Mette, if he can kiss her. She rejects him on the grounds that it would be unprofessional. We can hear an audible “Phew” from Peters, as he almost immediately regrets asking her. He doesn’t even like to be touched.
Peters’ background is important to the story. Mette Rasmussen’s family, one of the richest in Denmark, didn’t think he was good enough for her and broke up the marriage. When she dies, he can’t bring himself to grieve for her, although he wants to. We’re not sure if people with Aspergers even can grieve, which brings us to the end of the book. Peters is crying. The ending is also inconclusive in my mind. Did the person blamed for Mette’s murder actually do it? There seems to be a more likely suspect with more of a motive.
Daniel begins to pursue her killer, in his own unique fashion. You see, he has Aspergers and has a tendency to fall down stairs. He’s even a suspect in the case, as foot prints at the scene match his shoes, and he admits breaking a railing at the scene.
Many won’t recognize the name Kierkegaard. He was a philosopher/theologist who is sometimes called the “father of existentialism”. I took philosophy as a general in college, and I read Will Durant’s STORY OF PHILOSOPHY, or I wouldn’t know who he was either. The Danes seem to be obsessed with him. Not only is there a Kierkegaard Center, but there are several collections in various libraries Peters visits while helping the police find the killer. Peters himself is all too ready to accept the new manuscript as the real thing, despite the fact that Kierkegaard despised poetry. It’s not even good poetry, according to one of the philologists at the center. Kierkegaard was one strange dude. He wrote his books under assumed names, and Peters has trouble telling if Kierkegaard is being ironic during his translations. Kierkegaard seems to be toying with the reader. He also liked to pretend to be a slacker, although he was one of the hardest working writers of his time. He never married, although he was engaged, breaking off the wedding at the last minute. The poems are supposed to be about his fiancée. Mette believe that Kierkegaard himself suffered from Aspergers. Peters can be funny at times, although unintentionally. He asks the female police officer, who reminds him of Mette, if he can kiss her. She rejects him on the grounds that it would be unprofessional. We can hear an audible “Phew” from Peters, as he almost immediately regrets asking her. He doesn’t even like to be touched.
Peters’ background is important to the story. Mette Rasmussen’s family, one of the richest in Denmark, didn’t think he was good enough for her and broke up the marriage. When she dies, he can’t bring himself to grieve for her, although he wants to. We’re not sure if people with Aspergers even can grieve, which brings us to the end of the book. Peters is crying. The ending is also inconclusive in my mind. Did the person blamed for Mette’s murder actually do it? There seems to be a more likely suspect with more of a motive.
March 25, 2014
PARALLEL WORLDS
Michio Kaku's discussion of PARALLEL WORLDS results from physicists' attempts to reconcile Einstein's Theory of Relativity with that of quantum mechanics to form a "theory of everything." M-Theory, the newest form of string theory, allows for the possibility of a parallel universe no more than a millimeter from ours. Kaku believes the newest super collider, which should be ready in 2007, may reveal evidence pointing to this alternate universe.
Another theory, Alan Guth's inflationary universe theory, argues that the universe expanded much faster than the speed of light (possible because this was empty space that was expanding) and that the antigravity force which caused this original Big Bang still exists, allowing for more explosions, more inflation, and multi-universes.
Also, if we apply the quantum theory to the universe, we are forced to admit that the universe, like an electron, may exist simultaneously in many states.
Kaku asks the question, "What might these alternate universes look like?" Kaku theorizes that each time a new universe sprouts off from the original the physical laws change, creating entirely new realities. All of this gets even stranger when Kaku projects that all possible quantum worlds might exist simultaneously.
The author does not shy away from controversial issues, such as the Designer Universe. At one point he compares the likelihood of our world occurring by accident to a "Boeing 747 aircraft being completely assembled as a result of a tornado striking a junkyard."
PARALLEL WORLDS really gets interesting when Kaku discusses Nikolai Kardashev's classification of civilizations according to energy output. Type I would have harnessed planetary forms of energy. Type II would be able to consume the energy output of its star and might even be able to ignite neutron stars. Type III has colonized large portions of its home galaxy and is able to use the energy from ten billion stars. Earth is a rather primitive civilization in contrast. Kaku states that if we reach Type I civilization it may launch a time of "unparalleled peace and prosperity." But that's a big if, considering the greenhouse effect, pollutin, nuclear war, fundamentalism and disease.
Kaku ends his book with a theological discussion of sorts. "If all possible universes exist, what's the point?" he asks. In a quantum universe, parallel selves would exist in parallel universes, with "different life histories and different destinies." Kaku believes that if string theory is eventually confirmed, providing a theory of everything, one must ask where the equation came from.
The author ends on a high note, seeing this as the most momentous time in human history, a time of transition to a type I civilization, a true paradise on Earth, if we can overcome our self-destructive natures.
Another theory, Alan Guth's inflationary universe theory, argues that the universe expanded much faster than the speed of light (possible because this was empty space that was expanding) and that the antigravity force which caused this original Big Bang still exists, allowing for more explosions, more inflation, and multi-universes.
Also, if we apply the quantum theory to the universe, we are forced to admit that the universe, like an electron, may exist simultaneously in many states.
Kaku asks the question, "What might these alternate universes look like?" Kaku theorizes that each time a new universe sprouts off from the original the physical laws change, creating entirely new realities. All of this gets even stranger when Kaku projects that all possible quantum worlds might exist simultaneously.
The author does not shy away from controversial issues, such as the Designer Universe. At one point he compares the likelihood of our world occurring by accident to a "Boeing 747 aircraft being completely assembled as a result of a tornado striking a junkyard."
PARALLEL WORLDS really gets interesting when Kaku discusses Nikolai Kardashev's classification of civilizations according to energy output. Type I would have harnessed planetary forms of energy. Type II would be able to consume the energy output of its star and might even be able to ignite neutron stars. Type III has colonized large portions of its home galaxy and is able to use the energy from ten billion stars. Earth is a rather primitive civilization in contrast. Kaku states that if we reach Type I civilization it may launch a time of "unparalleled peace and prosperity." But that's a big if, considering the greenhouse effect, pollutin, nuclear war, fundamentalism and disease.
Kaku ends his book with a theological discussion of sorts. "If all possible universes exist, what's the point?" he asks. In a quantum universe, parallel selves would exist in parallel universes, with "different life histories and different destinies." Kaku believes that if string theory is eventually confirmed, providing a theory of everything, one must ask where the equation came from.
The author ends on a high note, seeing this as the most momentous time in human history, a time of transition to a type I civilization, a true paradise on Earth, if we can overcome our self-destructive natures.
March 22, 2014
BUDDHISM FOR DUMMIES
I'm one of the "dummies" referred to in the title. What I knew about Buddhism I'd learned while studying the transcendental writers, Emerson, Thoreau etc. while in college.
This book is written by Stephan Bodian, an American Buddhist monk, and Jonathan Landaw, who has led meditation courses at Buddhist centers for over twenty-five years.
Despite its cheesy title, this book answered most of the questions I had about Buddhism:
Why the heck does the Buddha have so many names? He was born Prince Siddhartha, but once he became enlightened, he was called Shakyamuni Buddha. Bodhi, the tree under which he meditated, means enlightenment. Shakyamuni means enlightened sage of the Shakyas, the clan to which he belonged.
Was Buddha God? No, he was a real human thought to have lived between 563 and 483 BCE. When you see Buddhist monks prostate before a statue of Buddha, they are praying to their inner Buddha. They believe each of us has the ability to achieve enlightenment (nirvana).
What is karma? Sort of credits you build up, both bad and good. Buddhists believe in reincarnation; karma credits transfer from life to life. So if you're dealt a bad hand; it's because you were naughty in a previous life.
What's the difference between Theravada Buddhism and Mahayana Buddhism? The way I understand it, Theravada emphasizes individual enlightenment; whereas, the Mahayana's proponents are more worried about helping everyone achieve spiritual awakening. A Buddha becomes a Bodhisattva, sort of a savior like Shakyamuni. Theravadas also emphasize compassion and kindness which is pretty much the same thing. Zen Buddhism and Vajrayana (Tibetan) are offshoots of Mahayana Buddhism.
What about heaven and hell? This is where they lost me. Shakyamuni taught that suffering resulted from something called the "Wheel of Life." A diagram shows a pig (ignorance) giving birth to a rooster (desire or attachment) and a snake (aversion or hatred). There are also six realms of existence: God, anti-God, Human, Animal, hungry ghost, and hell being. Primarily through meditation and compassion, an entity can build up enough karma to work its way up to God. But the gods can be demoted if they run out of karma and they are always fighting the jealous anti-gods, so apparently they are not Buddhas. This wheel of life has existed in infinity; one of the authors says to remember that an enemy was probably at one time your mother, so it should be easy to forgive.
At times Landaw and Bodian take their transcendental philosophy a bit too far. The last section deals with "uninvited house guests." By this they mean insects. According to Buddha killing mosquitoes and other pests is bad karma. If a mosquito makes its way into your house, you're supposed to catch it and take it outside. Obviously these guys haven't experienced a humid, Minnesota evening in July down by the lake.
This book is written by Stephan Bodian, an American Buddhist monk, and Jonathan Landaw, who has led meditation courses at Buddhist centers for over twenty-five years.
Despite its cheesy title, this book answered most of the questions I had about Buddhism:
Why the heck does the Buddha have so many names? He was born Prince Siddhartha, but once he became enlightened, he was called Shakyamuni Buddha. Bodhi, the tree under which he meditated, means enlightenment. Shakyamuni means enlightened sage of the Shakyas, the clan to which he belonged.
Was Buddha God? No, he was a real human thought to have lived between 563 and 483 BCE. When you see Buddhist monks prostate before a statue of Buddha, they are praying to their inner Buddha. They believe each of us has the ability to achieve enlightenment (nirvana).
What is karma? Sort of credits you build up, both bad and good. Buddhists believe in reincarnation; karma credits transfer from life to life. So if you're dealt a bad hand; it's because you were naughty in a previous life.
What's the difference between Theravada Buddhism and Mahayana Buddhism? The way I understand it, Theravada emphasizes individual enlightenment; whereas, the Mahayana's proponents are more worried about helping everyone achieve spiritual awakening. A Buddha becomes a Bodhisattva, sort of a savior like Shakyamuni. Theravadas also emphasize compassion and kindness which is pretty much the same thing. Zen Buddhism and Vajrayana (Tibetan) are offshoots of Mahayana Buddhism.
What about heaven and hell? This is where they lost me. Shakyamuni taught that suffering resulted from something called the "Wheel of Life." A diagram shows a pig (ignorance) giving birth to a rooster (desire or attachment) and a snake (aversion or hatred). There are also six realms of existence: God, anti-God, Human, Animal, hungry ghost, and hell being. Primarily through meditation and compassion, an entity can build up enough karma to work its way up to God. But the gods can be demoted if they run out of karma and they are always fighting the jealous anti-gods, so apparently they are not Buddhas. This wheel of life has existed in infinity; one of the authors says to remember that an enemy was probably at one time your mother, so it should be easy to forgive.
At times Landaw and Bodian take their transcendental philosophy a bit too far. The last section deals with "uninvited house guests." By this they mean insects. According to Buddha killing mosquitoes and other pests is bad karma. If a mosquito makes its way into your house, you're supposed to catch it and take it outside. Obviously these guys haven't experienced a humid, Minnesota evening in July down by the lake.
March 19, 2014
MOVIES WORTHY OF THE BOOK
1. TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD
2. CLOCKWORK ORANGE
3. MISERY
4. THE THIN MAN
5. FROM HERE TO ETERNITY
6. FIELD OF DREAMS
7. HOW GREEN WAS MY VALLEY
8. THE NATURAL
9. ANATOMY OF A MURDER
10. THE COLOR PURPLE
11. SCHINDLER'S LIST
12. DR. ZHIVAGO
13. ACCIDENTAL TOURIST
14. THE BIG SLEEP
15. GONE WITH THE WIND
16. HUD
17. A RIVER RUNS THROUGH IT
18. LOOKING FOR MR. GOODBAR
19. IN THE CUT
20. LORD OF THE RINGS
21. A TREE GROWS IN BROOKLYN
22. LOVE STORY
23. SHANE
24. CAPTAIN'S COURAGEOUS
25. FEAR STRIKES OUT
2. CLOCKWORK ORANGE
3. MISERY
4. THE THIN MAN
5. FROM HERE TO ETERNITY
6. FIELD OF DREAMS
7. HOW GREEN WAS MY VALLEY
8. THE NATURAL
9. ANATOMY OF A MURDER
10. THE COLOR PURPLE
11. SCHINDLER'S LIST
12. DR. ZHIVAGO
13. ACCIDENTAL TOURIST
14. THE BIG SLEEP
15. GONE WITH THE WIND
16. HUD
17. A RIVER RUNS THROUGH IT
18. LOOKING FOR MR. GOODBAR
19. IN THE CUT
20. LORD OF THE RINGS
21. A TREE GROWS IN BROOKLYN
22. LOVE STORY
23. SHANE
24. CAPTAIN'S COURAGEOUS
25. FEAR STRIKES OUT
March 18, 2014
What to Look for in a Humorous Novel
Certainly each person’s sense of humor is different. Some prefer slapstick, some prefer raunch while others cringe, some prefer something a little bit more cerebral like satire. Despite individual preference, I think there are a few guidelines the budding writer might consider before beginning a comic novel.
1. Characterization. It helps to have a likable main character. Hawkeye Pierce in M.A.S.H. is somewhat sarcastic and disrespectful of authority, and he’s a drunk and a skirt chaser, but we like him anyway because he’s high on the “cool” thermometer. Two such dissimilar actors as Donald Sutherland and Alan Alda played the man and we like them both. In my novel, SOLDIER’S GAP, I set out to find a character similar to Hawkeye, and I think I found him in Deputy Sheriff Dave Jenkins.
2. Dialogue. Snappy dialogue goes a long way as you can see in the Janet Evanovich numbers. Dialogue also reveals personality if you can get your characters to sound different.
3. Straight men and sidekicks. It always helps to have somebody to play off of. In SOLDIER’S GAP, it’s Mingo Jones. Mingo Jones is a Mescalero Apache and night deputy who is investigating his native American heritage, which includes belief in ghosts and the Land of Ever Summer.
4. Don’t try to be funny on every page. Maybe that’s why I don’t like Jerry Lewis. In everyday life, the funniest people aren’t trying to be funny half the time. They also have to live their lives and if they fool around too much they’re out of work. Also, as you can see from your Leno jokes, not everything is funny. Besides, you need to keep your story moving and that’s pretty hard to do if you’re always going for the yucks. Read the Dortmunder novels. Donald Westlake is one of the funniest humor writers working today, but most of the time he’s more interested in the caper.
5. Weird is not necessarily funny. If you’re reading a vampire novel, you need to overcome suspension of disbelief before you can appreciate the humor. That’s not to say it doesn’t work. Everybody loves Abby on NCIS and she’s certainly weird. In SOLDIER’S GAP there’s Mo Pleasiac, a teenage genius, who has latched onto Dave Jenkins as a father substitute.
6. It’s okay to be serious and humorous, especially when writing satire, but you need to know the tricks of the trade, primarily hyperbole. Jonathan Swift exaggerated the problems with English politics, using outsized (and undersized) characters. Try to be topical. Christopher Buckley, the premier American satirist writes about smoking and government assisted suicide. Lately he’s been writing about his father, who thought urinating in public was only wrong if other people did it.
7. Minor characters. People are people watchers. Funny little characters can liven up your novel. Grandma Mazur isn’t in the Evanovich books very much, but we recognize her from our own experience, if only from TV sitcoms. The woman who discovers Principal Egge’s body in SOLDIER’S GAP is a special education teacher who also does palm reading. A cast of characters is almost as important as the main character. Part of the reason Stuart Kaminsky’s Porfiry Rostnikov novels are so popular is because readers like to hang out with these people.
8. Setting. Brooklyn is funny for some reason, maybe because of the accent.
Brainerd, Minnesota, was funny in “Fargo,” once again because of the way the characters talked. Texas is funny because of Texans’ outsized egos.
9. Your main character can’t be too competent. Dave Jenkins of SOLDIER’S GAP can’t see the forest for the trees in respect to his romantic relationships. He’s also a lone eagle, unwilling to take advantage of the Bureau of Criminal Apprehension’s expertise. He just assumes they’re incompetent because they’re bureaucrats. It helps to have a minor character who’s smarter than your lead. “MO” Pleasiac, in SOLDIER’S GAP is Sherlock Holmes’ smarter brother Mycroft to Dave Jenkins’ Sherlock.
10. The Battle of the sexes. This can be a great opportunity for some funny dialogue. Men and women are always trying to one-up each other. Perhaps you can create a situation where two characters have a brother/sister relationship, but one of them is romantically interested in the other or maybe they both are and they don’t know it. See “Bones.” Annie Kline is one of the love interests in SOLDIER’S GAP, but Dave Jenkins doesn’t realize how much he cares for her because she does guy things like work for the volunteer fire department and play shortstop on his softball team.
SOLDIER'S GAP can be purchased at goodreads or Amazon.com, new and used.
1. Characterization. It helps to have a likable main character. Hawkeye Pierce in M.A.S.H. is somewhat sarcastic and disrespectful of authority, and he’s a drunk and a skirt chaser, but we like him anyway because he’s high on the “cool” thermometer. Two such dissimilar actors as Donald Sutherland and Alan Alda played the man and we like them both. In my novel, SOLDIER’S GAP, I set out to find a character similar to Hawkeye, and I think I found him in Deputy Sheriff Dave Jenkins.
2. Dialogue. Snappy dialogue goes a long way as you can see in the Janet Evanovich numbers. Dialogue also reveals personality if you can get your characters to sound different.
3. Straight men and sidekicks. It always helps to have somebody to play off of. In SOLDIER’S GAP, it’s Mingo Jones. Mingo Jones is a Mescalero Apache and night deputy who is investigating his native American heritage, which includes belief in ghosts and the Land of Ever Summer.
4. Don’t try to be funny on every page. Maybe that’s why I don’t like Jerry Lewis. In everyday life, the funniest people aren’t trying to be funny half the time. They also have to live their lives and if they fool around too much they’re out of work. Also, as you can see from your Leno jokes, not everything is funny. Besides, you need to keep your story moving and that’s pretty hard to do if you’re always going for the yucks. Read the Dortmunder novels. Donald Westlake is one of the funniest humor writers working today, but most of the time he’s more interested in the caper.
5. Weird is not necessarily funny. If you’re reading a vampire novel, you need to overcome suspension of disbelief before you can appreciate the humor. That’s not to say it doesn’t work. Everybody loves Abby on NCIS and she’s certainly weird. In SOLDIER’S GAP there’s Mo Pleasiac, a teenage genius, who has latched onto Dave Jenkins as a father substitute.
6. It’s okay to be serious and humorous, especially when writing satire, but you need to know the tricks of the trade, primarily hyperbole. Jonathan Swift exaggerated the problems with English politics, using outsized (and undersized) characters. Try to be topical. Christopher Buckley, the premier American satirist writes about smoking and government assisted suicide. Lately he’s been writing about his father, who thought urinating in public was only wrong if other people did it.
7. Minor characters. People are people watchers. Funny little characters can liven up your novel. Grandma Mazur isn’t in the Evanovich books very much, but we recognize her from our own experience, if only from TV sitcoms. The woman who discovers Principal Egge’s body in SOLDIER’S GAP is a special education teacher who also does palm reading. A cast of characters is almost as important as the main character. Part of the reason Stuart Kaminsky’s Porfiry Rostnikov novels are so popular is because readers like to hang out with these people.
8. Setting. Brooklyn is funny for some reason, maybe because of the accent.
Brainerd, Minnesota, was funny in “Fargo,” once again because of the way the characters talked. Texas is funny because of Texans’ outsized egos.
9. Your main character can’t be too competent. Dave Jenkins of SOLDIER’S GAP can’t see the forest for the trees in respect to his romantic relationships. He’s also a lone eagle, unwilling to take advantage of the Bureau of Criminal Apprehension’s expertise. He just assumes they’re incompetent because they’re bureaucrats. It helps to have a minor character who’s smarter than your lead. “MO” Pleasiac, in SOLDIER’S GAP is Sherlock Holmes’ smarter brother Mycroft to Dave Jenkins’ Sherlock.
10. The Battle of the sexes. This can be a great opportunity for some funny dialogue. Men and women are always trying to one-up each other. Perhaps you can create a situation where two characters have a brother/sister relationship, but one of them is romantically interested in the other or maybe they both are and they don’t know it. See “Bones.” Annie Kline is one of the love interests in SOLDIER’S GAP, but Dave Jenkins doesn’t realize how much he cares for her because she does guy things like work for the volunteer fire department and play shortstop on his softball team.
SOLDIER'S GAP can be purchased at goodreads or Amazon.com, new and used.
March 17, 2014
LABOR DAY
I probably wouldn’t have read LABOR DAY if I hadn’t recognized the author, Joyce Maynard, who wrote a famous memoir about her relationship with J.D. Salinger. I looked her up, and she had some credibility as an author, having written five previous novels, and four books of non-fiction. But I wasn’t expecting much.
What a pleasant surprise. She had me at hello. A mother, Adele, and her son, Henry, are “kidnapped” at the local Price Mart by an escaped convict, but he’s the nicest crook you’ll ever meet. Adele is suffering from an especially severe case of agoraphobia. Henry even does her banking. Her only friend is a lady with a handicapped son. Frank treats him like a younger brother, going so far as to give him a bath. He can also cook better than Rachel Ray. Adele is a very good looking woman, and she could’ve danced professionally if she hadn’t gotten married. Soon the two have a romantic relationship going on, and Henry is jealous.
Okay, there’s some funky stuff going on here that I didn’t believe. It starts when we hear Adele’s back story. When she gets pregnant again soon after giving birth to Henry, her ex-husband doesn’t think they can afford another kid and forces her to have an abortion. No way. Adele loves babies and sets her hat on another one practically as soon as she gets out of the clinic. Adele would never agree to that in the first place. And she goes through hell afterwards, leading to the divorce.
So now we’re thinking, “When will they slip up and spill the beans to the cops, that Adele and Henry are harboring a criminal?" That’s when the two villains in the story show up. More originality on Maynard’s part. Frank’s ex-wife is meaner than a rabid skunk, and Henry meets this anorexic girl at the library who wants to have sex with him. HE TURNS HER DOWN. Come on now, Joyce! Henry thinks about sex more than Casanova and Don Juan combined. Otherwise she does a darn good job convincing us she knows what a thirteen-year-old boy is like. The girl is insulted.
Then there’s the ending. I must be losing it; I’m usually right about this sort of thing. Adele just isn’t the kind of person that good things happen to, especially after eighteen years. I just didn’t buy it. Maynard must've had the kind of editor who made Dickens rewrite GREAT EXPECTATIONS because he thought the two lovers should meet again. Still, this is such an original book, at times, that you can forgive a few quirks. Give it a shot.
What a pleasant surprise. She had me at hello. A mother, Adele, and her son, Henry, are “kidnapped” at the local Price Mart by an escaped convict, but he’s the nicest crook you’ll ever meet. Adele is suffering from an especially severe case of agoraphobia. Henry even does her banking. Her only friend is a lady with a handicapped son. Frank treats him like a younger brother, going so far as to give him a bath. He can also cook better than Rachel Ray. Adele is a very good looking woman, and she could’ve danced professionally if she hadn’t gotten married. Soon the two have a romantic relationship going on, and Henry is jealous.
Okay, there’s some funky stuff going on here that I didn’t believe. It starts when we hear Adele’s back story. When she gets pregnant again soon after giving birth to Henry, her ex-husband doesn’t think they can afford another kid and forces her to have an abortion. No way. Adele loves babies and sets her hat on another one practically as soon as she gets out of the clinic. Adele would never agree to that in the first place. And she goes through hell afterwards, leading to the divorce.
So now we’re thinking, “When will they slip up and spill the beans to the cops, that Adele and Henry are harboring a criminal?" That’s when the two villains in the story show up. More originality on Maynard’s part. Frank’s ex-wife is meaner than a rabid skunk, and Henry meets this anorexic girl at the library who wants to have sex with him. HE TURNS HER DOWN. Come on now, Joyce! Henry thinks about sex more than Casanova and Don Juan combined. Otherwise she does a darn good job convincing us she knows what a thirteen-year-old boy is like. The girl is insulted.
Then there’s the ending. I must be losing it; I’m usually right about this sort of thing. Adele just isn’t the kind of person that good things happen to, especially after eighteen years. I just didn’t buy it. Maynard must've had the kind of editor who made Dickens rewrite GREAT EXPECTATIONS because he thought the two lovers should meet again. Still, this is such an original book, at times, that you can forgive a few quirks. Give it a shot.
March 16, 2014
STOLEN PREY
STOLEN PREY is one of those books you can read in one sitting; it's so focused, only minimally interruptedby an ATM stick-up in which Lucas Davenport is robbed of $500. He has no time to go after the crooks himself because he's involved in a family slaying, similar to what was happening in one of my favorite books, Thomas Harris's RED DRAGON. Virgil Flowers gets the job and he comes out smelling like manure.
Like most of the Prey novels, we know from the outset who is responsible and we're inside their heads just as we are with Davenport and his team. A Mexican drug cartel killed the family because they're missing 22 million dollars that was being laundered through the father's bank. Another bank executive is killed in similar fashion before we find out it's really a bunch of computer geeks who stumbled across the Mexican ploy. One of them just happens to be a Serb who knows a woman who's expert at turning money into untraceable lucre.
This one is also interesting in that Lucas's adopted daughter Letty seems to be moving away from her television career. She's recently become accomplished in handling a gun. At one point Lucas says that most of us are crazy in some way or another but not in a way that we can not function in civilized society. "Letty's like me," he says. Lucas has been piling up bodies for twenty some Prey novels now, and he can't shoot first and ask questions later if he doesn't want the press and his BCA boss on his tail. John Sandford handles that conundrum rather well in this one.
The Mexican assassins are rather interesting. They're named Uno, Dos, and Tre because all their first names are Juan. One of them is actually religious. Sandford has him attend the St. Paul Cathedral after killing someone. They also have a partner who shall go unnamed for spoiler reasons. As a matter of fact, Lucas is a little clueless here, because I had this person pegged almost immediately if only peripherally. I also guessed the ending, which makes me believe we may be seeing one of the crooks again in a future Prey novel. I also had a bit of a problem with the way the Mexican cartel is behaving at the end of the story. We know these people are brutal, vicious killers who never give up and let's just say they're acting out of character. That's called author intrusion, when an author does something to move the story that his characters wouldn't do.
Like most of the Prey novels, we know from the outset who is responsible and we're inside their heads just as we are with Davenport and his team. A Mexican drug cartel killed the family because they're missing 22 million dollars that was being laundered through the father's bank. Another bank executive is killed in similar fashion before we find out it's really a bunch of computer geeks who stumbled across the Mexican ploy. One of them just happens to be a Serb who knows a woman who's expert at turning money into untraceable lucre.
This one is also interesting in that Lucas's adopted daughter Letty seems to be moving away from her television career. She's recently become accomplished in handling a gun. At one point Lucas says that most of us are crazy in some way or another but not in a way that we can not function in civilized society. "Letty's like me," he says. Lucas has been piling up bodies for twenty some Prey novels now, and he can't shoot first and ask questions later if he doesn't want the press and his BCA boss on his tail. John Sandford handles that conundrum rather well in this one.
The Mexican assassins are rather interesting. They're named Uno, Dos, and Tre because all their first names are Juan. One of them is actually religious. Sandford has him attend the St. Paul Cathedral after killing someone. They also have a partner who shall go unnamed for spoiler reasons. As a matter of fact, Lucas is a little clueless here, because I had this person pegged almost immediately if only peripherally. I also guessed the ending, which makes me believe we may be seeing one of the crooks again in a future Prey novel. I also had a bit of a problem with the way the Mexican cartel is behaving at the end of the story. We know these people are brutal, vicious killers who never give up and let's just say they're acting out of character. That's called author intrusion, when an author does something to move the story that his characters wouldn't do.
March 15, 2014
BILL MAULDIN: A LIFE UP FRONT
BILL MAULDIN: A LIFE UP FRONT begins with thousands of WWII veterans coming to see Bill at a nursing home in California where he is suffering from Alzheimer's. He stares off into space until one of them pins a medal on him; then his eyes light up.
Author DePastino then shows us how Bill moved from a hell-raising kid living on a mountain in New Mexico to STARS AND STRIPES cartoonist and premier morale booster of World War II. DePastino shows us Mauldin's undaunted will to succeed. Prior to WWII, he labored at his craft, sending out thousands of cartoons with little chance he would ever get anything published. He borrowed money from his grandmother to go to the Chicago Academy of Fine Arts. We also see his mischievous side. He never did graduate from high school, thanks to a prank he pulled in a science class. He lit a cigarette and put it in the mouth of the class skeleton, too much for the teacher to overlook when he relit it and took a few drags.
Prior to WWII, Bill joined the Arizona National Guard. Four days later the guard was mobilized into the United States Army. He began his cartoonist career working part-time for the 45th Division News, going full-time when it was sent overseas. It was the hell-raiser kid who appealed to the soldiers. Bill was a sergeant in the Infantry before he was a cartoonist. There's a cartoon of Bill's characters Willie and Joe throwing tomatoes at the head of an officer as their unit enters a liberated city. This was one of the cartoons that would arouse the wrath of General George S. Patton, who wanted Bill fired. Thankfully other generals, Mark Clark among them, liked Bill's work enough to ask for signed originals.
When he returned from the war, Bill eventually went to work for the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, then the Chicago Sun-Times
as a political cartoonist where he took on such issues as segregation in the South and the House Un-American Activities Committee. His cartoon of Lincoln holding his head in his hands after the Kennedy assassination would become one of the most famous of the 20th Century. He won the Pulitzer Prize twice.
The book also examines Bill's personal life in elaborate detail. He was married three times, his second wife dying in a car accident after a massive stroke. There's an especially touching anecdote about how he reconciled with his first wife after fifty years apart.
As a writer I found Bill's work regimen especially impressive. For one thing he used a Polaroid camera to take pictures of himself in various poses. "Capturing precisely the curl of an arm, the twist of a face, or the wrinkles in an overcoat was an ongoing obsession." The man never stopped trying to get better, and should be remembered as an authentic American hero. Like Snoopy, let's all quaff a root beer with Bill Mauldin on Veteran's Day.
Author DePastino then shows us how Bill moved from a hell-raising kid living on a mountain in New Mexico to STARS AND STRIPES cartoonist and premier morale booster of World War II. DePastino shows us Mauldin's undaunted will to succeed. Prior to WWII, he labored at his craft, sending out thousands of cartoons with little chance he would ever get anything published. He borrowed money from his grandmother to go to the Chicago Academy of Fine Arts. We also see his mischievous side. He never did graduate from high school, thanks to a prank he pulled in a science class. He lit a cigarette and put it in the mouth of the class skeleton, too much for the teacher to overlook when he relit it and took a few drags.
Prior to WWII, Bill joined the Arizona National Guard. Four days later the guard was mobilized into the United States Army. He began his cartoonist career working part-time for the 45th Division News, going full-time when it was sent overseas. It was the hell-raiser kid who appealed to the soldiers. Bill was a sergeant in the Infantry before he was a cartoonist. There's a cartoon of Bill's characters Willie and Joe throwing tomatoes at the head of an officer as their unit enters a liberated city. This was one of the cartoons that would arouse the wrath of General George S. Patton, who wanted Bill fired. Thankfully other generals, Mark Clark among them, liked Bill's work enough to ask for signed originals.
When he returned from the war, Bill eventually went to work for the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, then the Chicago Sun-Times
as a political cartoonist where he took on such issues as segregation in the South and the House Un-American Activities Committee. His cartoon of Lincoln holding his head in his hands after the Kennedy assassination would become one of the most famous of the 20th Century. He won the Pulitzer Prize twice.
The book also examines Bill's personal life in elaborate detail. He was married three times, his second wife dying in a car accident after a massive stroke. There's an especially touching anecdote about how he reconciled with his first wife after fifty years apart.
As a writer I found Bill's work regimen especially impressive. For one thing he used a Polaroid camera to take pictures of himself in various poses. "Capturing precisely the curl of an arm, the twist of a face, or the wrinkles in an overcoat was an ongoing obsession." The man never stopped trying to get better, and should be remembered as an authentic American hero. Like Snoopy, let's all quaff a root beer with Bill Mauldin on Veteran's Day.
March 11, 2014
STILL LIFE WITH BREAD CRUMBS
I’ve heard of Anna Quindlen for years, but have never read anything she wrote. I’ve also taken NEWSWEEK for over twenty years (until they stopped printing the mag) and never noticed her column.
When you’re desperate for something different you read Anna Quindlen’s STILL LIFE WITH BREAD CRUMBS. It’s about a female Ansel Adams type photographer who has gone out of fashion. She’s swaps her New York apartment for a cabin in the sticks, and that’s when she meets a roofer who takes care of her raccoon problem. They’re hot for each other almost immediately.
So . . .if there’s a theme here it’s whether it’s about a May/December romance in reverse. She’s sixty and he’s forty-four. He doesn’t care; she does.
There’s also a dog in the story and a lady who runs a combo tea shop/bakery called Tea for Two and More who literally can’t shut up, but somehow she fails to tell Rebecca Winter why Jim Bates is suddenly standoffish. The dog is a mutt who gets kicked around and abused until he lands on Rebecca’s back doorstep. Of course she takes pictures of him, constantly, and that becomes a minor theme. Is it okay for an artsy fartsy photographer to do a dog series?
Rebecca also likes to hike in the woods and when she does she keeps finding these crosses, like the kind you see at Arlington, only made of wood.
There’s the cross and a photograph, or the cross and a trophy or a ribbon, like a ribbon you’d get for winning a race. Of course, the reader wants to know what the heck is going on here. That’s about all the plot there is, except for Sarah, the tea lady’s, rotten husband.
I liked Rebecca and I liked Jim. I even liked the tea lady, but is this a romance, a critical comment on art, a schmaltz fest or what? Probably all of those put together.
When you’re desperate for something different you read Anna Quindlen’s STILL LIFE WITH BREAD CRUMBS. It’s about a female Ansel Adams type photographer who has gone out of fashion. She’s swaps her New York apartment for a cabin in the sticks, and that’s when she meets a roofer who takes care of her raccoon problem. They’re hot for each other almost immediately.
So . . .if there’s a theme here it’s whether it’s about a May/December romance in reverse. She’s sixty and he’s forty-four. He doesn’t care; she does.
There’s also a dog in the story and a lady who runs a combo tea shop/bakery called Tea for Two and More who literally can’t shut up, but somehow she fails to tell Rebecca Winter why Jim Bates is suddenly standoffish. The dog is a mutt who gets kicked around and abused until he lands on Rebecca’s back doorstep. Of course she takes pictures of him, constantly, and that becomes a minor theme. Is it okay for an artsy fartsy photographer to do a dog series?
Rebecca also likes to hike in the woods and when she does she keeps finding these crosses, like the kind you see at Arlington, only made of wood.
There’s the cross and a photograph, or the cross and a trophy or a ribbon, like a ribbon you’d get for winning a race. Of course, the reader wants to know what the heck is going on here. That’s about all the plot there is, except for Sarah, the tea lady’s, rotten husband.
I liked Rebecca and I liked Jim. I even liked the tea lady, but is this a romance, a critical comment on art, a schmaltz fest or what? Probably all of those put together.
