Jason Gaboury's Blog, page 4

Lent Exercises - An Invitation to Love

I was exhausted.  It was summer 2020.  In March, I’d transitioned our ministry online while helping our high schoolers adapt.  In April, I launched my first book.  In May, George Floyd was killed by police, catalyzing and energizing a racial reckoning.  Meanwhile, our church, was imploding over a sudden leadership transition.  

 

Desperate for a spiritual life robust enough to combat the challenges, Sophia and I began meeting with a spiritual director.  We asked him to lead us in the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius.  

 

These exercises changed my life.  Joe, our spiritual director recently commented, “do you notice how much more settled, peaceful, and confident in God’s love, you are now compared to when we first started meeting?”  He’s right.  

I notice that many of us long for life with God in the midst of our fragmented world.  This series is an invitation to open your heart to God.  These imaginative reflections are designed in the spirit of the Spiritual Exercises.  They draw us into God’s love.  

 

Take this section of Psalm 139 for example.  

O Lord, you have searched me and known me.
2  You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
    you discern my thoughts from far away.
3  You search out my path and my lying down,
    and are acquainted with all my ways.
4  Even before a word is on my tongue,
    O Lord, you know it completely.
5  You hem me in, behind and before,
    and lay your hand upon me.
6  Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
    it is so high that I cannot attain it.

 

Can you imagine what it is like to be seen, known, and loved like this?  I imagine the chocolate smudged face of a toddler poking her finger into my eye, to ‘see if I was awake.’  The brightness in her eyes, stickiness of her hands, and dark sweet smell of her breath told me she’d found the cake.  Before being fully conscious, I knew her.  

 

I like to think I’m more sophisticated than a 3-year-old.  I Reach for a phone to soothe my anxieties, instead of sniffing out chocolate cake first thing in the morning, but the impulse is the same.  We’re both looking for something, a spark of pleasure, an aroma of delight, a sensation of discovery.  We both know it’s not the right time.  We do it anyway.  

 

These are innocuous examples, but extend the impulse through uses of money, sex, status, or power, and the seeds of human grief are plain to see.  

 

How does God respond?  Before anything else, God sees, knows, and loves us.  If I, selfish and groggy, can love the toddler smudging chocolate crumbs into my eye, how much more does God, who is limitless in love, know and love us?  

 

Can you sit today for 3 minutes with no other agenda except to allow God to love you?  Try breathing in, “Lord you know and love me.”  Breathe out, “help me to know.”  

 

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Why Lent - A Conversation With After IV Podcast...

Lent can be a confusing season.  For some of us Ash Wednesday, and the season of Lent, conjures images of guilt and sadness.  For others, Lent feels mysterious season.  We get that it’s a time to focus on spiritual practices but aren’t sure why. 

 

Recently, I sat down with Jon Steele, from the After IV podcast to discuss the season of Lent.  Here is a brief outline of our conversation.  Listen to the conversation on Tuesday, March 1st at any of these podcast locations.  

Jon: Very generally, what is Lent?

Jason: Lent is the 40-day period the church celebrates between Ash Wednesday and Easter.  It is traditionally a time of fasting and almsgiving, though in modern times and in various Christian traditions, Lent has taken on additional spiritual disciplines like bible study, or devotional readings, and a variety of prayer practices.  

Jon: What are its origins?

Jason: We know that Lent began to be celebrated in a more formal way around the year 325.  That is a significant year in church history because it’s the same year that the council of Nicea, which gave us the articulation of the doctrine of the trinity still in use today in most Western churches.  

There is some evidence that Lent was celebrated earlier than 325, but it’s only after 325 that we see the celebrations of Lent more formalized.

In the ancient church, Lent was a period of preparation for baptism, where converts to the faith would learn the essentials of Christian faith and practice and prepare for full participation in the community of faith when they were baptized on Easter Sunday.  

Jon: What purpose does Ash Wednesday serve?

Jason: Ash Wednesday is the kick-off to Lent.  In the ancient world it was not uncommon to mark oneself with ashes to show that one was in mourning or fasting.  Since Lent is largely associated with fasting, the service of Ash Wednesday became a chance for the community to mark that they were entering into the season of Lent together.  

For modern people Ash Wednesday can be a really powerful reminder of important themes we don’t always talk about in church.  For example, over the last 30 years there’s been a strong movement within some churches towards the positive, therapeutic, and uplifting parts of our faith.  We talk about being our best selves, living our best lives, overcoming adversity, revival, all this kind of stuff… which is good… but on Ash Wednesday, someone will mark an ashen cross on your forehead and say, “remember you are dust and to dust you shall return…”. 

Ash Wednesday reminds us of our mortality, invites us to humility, and nudges us towards a way of following Jesus that forces us to leave behind the treasures and trinkets that distract us from full discipleship.  

Jon: Why should someone consider engaging with Lent? 

Jason: Anyone who has at least one disordered attachment, that is one thing that you love maybe a little too much; sleeping in, Chick Fil A, the good opinion of other people, success, money, status, sexual desire, whatever it is that keeps you from the freedom to follow Jesus unreservedly, should consider keeping Lent this year.  

One leader described Lent this way… Lent is spring cleaning for the soul.  It declutters our hearts and helps us move toward Jesus is greater freedom.  

Jon: What are some rhythms or practices to help us practice Lent?

Jason: To keep Lent, you might try some simple fasting.  The trick with fasting is not to try too much too soon.  Try fasting screen time, meals out, spending, snacks… and (most importantly) using the time / energy you would spend on those things to pay attention to God. 

You might try setting aside 10 minutes a day to reflect on the questions; 1. Where in my day was I aware of God, goodness, joy, and serving others? 2. Where in my day was I least aware of God, most wrapped up in myself, most anxious, angry, or lonely?   

Or you might try almsgiving.  This is a simple practice of setting aside a certain amount of money and look for opportunities to give it away (anonymously) to people in need.  The goal here isn’t “impact,” or “strategic stewardship” but prodigal generosity just because God is generous.  

Whether you celebrate Lent or not I pray that you grow in life with God.  

 

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Confession - American Christian Credibility and Why I Haven't Quit.

It seems to me, the church in the US has a major credibility problem. It’s not just the scandals, the partisan politics, or the popular histories demonstrating the church’s compromise with racism, sexism, or militarism. 

 

I think these are symptoms of a deeper ennui.  Chesterton quipped that Christianity had not been tried and found wanting, but that it had been found difficult and largely untried.  Perhaps he’s right.  But I doubt it.  

 

I suspect a good number of Americans sincerely ‘tried’ the Christianity that was available to them and have found it wanting.  Jesus didn’t give them the joy and peace they expected.  God didn’t fulfill them in their lonely singleness.  God didn’t keep their marriage from ending, spouse from dying, or child from atheism.  As our culture adapts around sexual and gender identity, would be Christians are confused about how the God who, “loves them and has a wonderful plan for their life,” would make people with desires for sexual identity and expression and then insist on their denial.  

 

It seems to me the normal response in the face of such a credibility problem is to resign. Who wants a God who can't help them? Who wants a religion tainted with racism? Who wants a God who plays favorites? 

 

Recently, a secular Buddhist friend pressed me on what value I found in Christianity.  “You believe that anyone can have a spiritual life,” he said.  “And, you believe Christianity has a credibility problem.”  I agreed.  “So, what, in your view, gets lost if we abandon it?”  

 

I didn’t have an answer.  I did have a story.  “I’m friends with some Christian monks in the Hudson Valley,” I said.  “They have developed good relationships with other religious communities over the years.  Every once in while there will be a knock at the door and a Buddhist monk will step through.  He will say, ‘In meditation I’ve encountered a… someone… sitting on the porch with me.  This is outside our tradition.  The abbot has sent me to you, because you think there is someone on the porch.’”

 

It’s this person on the porch I don’t want to lose.  The ennui of American Christianity seems to be, at least in part, the loss of a person.  An influential 20th century theologian said, “Christianity is Christ.”  Replace Jesus and his way with anything else and the collapse of Christian credibility is inevitable. 

 

The reason I’ve not resigned from Christian life is Christ.  I find Jesus, and his way, beautiful, compelling, generous, and healing.  The reward for this life has not included freedom from heartache and loss. It hasn’t fulfilled all my vocational dreams.  It hasn’t given health, wealth, and prosperity.  What I have is Christ.  He is enough.  

How do you experience American Christianity these days?  

What gives you hope?  

How would you respond to the idea that “Christianity is Christ,”?  

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#RaisingNerds - How Discussing Scripture with a Six Year Old Shaped my Soul. (Copy)

My younger daughter started kindergarten at a school an hour and a half from our home.  Leaving our apartment at dawn we began a habit of discussing the readings from morning prayer.  These conversations created a window into the soul for both of us.  Her curiosity, boredom, distraction, and puzzles forced me to wrestle with faith.  (Try explaining the problem of evil to a six-year-old and you’ll see what I mean.)   

Eventually, I started writing these conversations down and sharing them.  These conversations (on social media under the hashtag #raisingnerds) became popular.  Pastors, ministers, laypeople, and even friends from other religious traditions took notice.  

For example, here’s a reflection from Matthew 23.  

Me: What does this passage teach us about God?

Daughter: That God cares about who we are more than how we look to other people. It's more important to be (kind, truthful, loving, etc.) than it is to just act like you are.

Me: Great point. God isn't fooled or impressed by our religious activity. Our religious activity is meant to shape our whole life. 

Daughter: How?

Me: Well, do you notice how at the beginning and end of each day we take time to reflect together on our life with God?

Daughter: Yes.

Me: These aren't the point of our life with God. They are just the times to reflect. The point of these times is so that you can live with God in the times in between. The real life with God happens when you're at school, or commuting, or with your friends. 

When you see an opportunity to be kind, or to confront wrong, or to be a friend. You live life with God in those moments. When you are happy, nervous, or grumpy, you live life with God in those moments. You do that by paying attention to what's going on inside and all around you and remembering God is there too. Then you make choices about how to engage with God and others. 

Daughter: Wow, I never thought about it like that before. 

(She closed her eyes for a moment of contemplation before we continued with  #morningprayer )

 

As I prepare for Lent 2022, I’m pondering over a decade’s worth of these reflections.  Sharing in these conversations has changed both of us.  As this season comes to an end, I’m struck by the faces of friends who long for soul sharing conversations.  

 

Who are people in your life with whom you can share soul to soul?  

What practices help you reflect on your life with God?  

How are you helping others cultivate a life with God? 

#RaisingNerds - How Discussing Scripture with a Six Year Old Shaped my Soul.

My younger daughter started kindergarten at a school an hour and a half from our home.  Leaving our apartment at dawn we began a habit of discussing the readings from morning prayer.  These conversations created a window into the soul for both of us.  Her curiosity, boredom, distraction, and puzzles forced me to wrestle with faith.  (Try explaining the problem of evil to a six-year-old and you’ll see what I mean.)   

Eventually, I started writing these conversations down and sharing them.  These conversations (on social media under the hashtag #raisingnerds) became popular.  Pastors, ministers, laypeople, and even friends from other religious traditions took notice.  

For example, here’s a reflection from Matthew 23.  

Me: What does this passage teach us about God?

Daughter: That God cares about who we are more than how we look to other people. It's more important to be (kind, truthful, loving, etc.) than it is to just act like you are.

Me: Great point. God isn't fooled or impressed by our religious activity. Our religious activity is meant to shape our whole life. 

Daughter: How?

Me: Well, do you notice how at the beginning and end of each day we take time to reflect together on our life with God?

Daughter: Yes.

Me: These aren't the point of our life with God. They are just the times to reflect. The point of these times is so that you can live with God in the times in between. The real life with God happens when you're at school, or commuting, or with your friends. 

When you see an opportunity to be kind, or to confront wrong, or to be a friend. You live life with God in those moments. When you are happy, nervous, or grumpy, you live life with God in those moments. You do that by paying attention to what's going on inside and all around you and remembering God is there too. Then you make choices about how to engage with God and others. 

Daughter: Wow, I never thought about it like that before. 

(She closed her eyes for a moment of contemplation before we continued with  #morningprayer )

 

As I prepare for Lent 2022, I’m pondering over a decade’s worth of these reflections.  Sharing in these conversations has changed both of us.  As this season comes to an end, I’m struck by the faces of friends who long for soul sharing conversations.  

 

Who are people in your life with whom you can share soul to soul?  

What practices help you reflect on your life with God?  

How are you helping others cultivate a life with God? 

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Happiness, Freedom, and Monastic Spirituality

This week two friends, independent of each other, sent me articles about happiness.  Each was written by a professor. One teaches at Harvard the other at Yale.  

 

The timing was curious.  Last week I took on an extra project, adjusting my rhythms to accommodate the work.  I even worked through the one day a week I keep for rest and restoration.  

I finished the project feeling good about the work.  And then the sadness came.  It started with low level resentment.  Why was I so tired?  It wasn’t fair that I had so much work to do this week, was it?  Then there was dissatisfaction.  Did anyone really appreciate the extra work?  Was it even meaningful?  By the time the articles came I’d transitioned to low level despair.  

 

How did I get to this place?  More importantly, why do I keep returning?  

 

The science of happiness intrigues me.  The more we know about the brain’s biochemistry the more it seems our wisdom traditions were onto something.  Our brains and bodies want, just a little, more of everything.  We tell ourselves lasting happiness is just around the corner, in the next job, raise, relationship, or recognition.  

I took the extra project because a part of me believes that a little more recognition will bring lasting happiness.  It’s a lie I seem disposed to believe.  

 

Monastic spirituality is an ancient wisdom tradition that offers freedom.  This freedom is unlike the modern American conception.  The American idea of freedom emphasizes freedom from constraint, accountability, and limits.  Within this American ideal of freedom, we pursue happiness in the form of acquisition.  We believe, if I have more… I am more. Conversely, monastic spirituality embraces limits, accountability, and discipline in order to experience freedom to love extravagantly, forgive radically, and give generously. These things, combined with gratitude, are much more likely to lead to happiness than the pursuit of more.  

 

I was reflecting on all of this when I read John 21:15-19.  Three times, Jesus’ asks Peter, “Do you love me?”  Years of familiarity with this story kept me from seeing it from the perspective of happiness.  Interpreters often see this story as a reversal or restoration.  Three times, standing by a fire, Peter denied Jesus.  Now, three times, Jesus standing by a fire asks for Peter’s love.  Some see the foreshadowing of Peter’s death as in the same light.  Peter had promised to lay down his life for Jesus but had abandoned him in Jesus’ moment of need.  Now, Jesus receives Peter’s life, telling him in advance how he will offer his life for Jesus in the future.  But what if Jesus’ words and wisdom were pointing Peter towards true happiness?  

 

Monks and modern academics agree that true happiness is to be found in embracing limits, in loving deeply, and in giving more than acquiring.  Jesus’ words grant Peter loving union, a community to care for, and a context to give himself without reservation.  It seems like Jesus is offering happiness.  

 

How do you pursue happiness? 

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How to Thrive Spiritually; Colbert, Colossians, and Chrisitan Commitments

Did you see the recent clip from the Late Show?  It’s the one where British singer Dua Lipa asked Stephen Colbert about his faith?  She asked how his faith influenced his comedy.  Colbert said as a Christian he believed that God is with us in suffering and that death is not the end.  He then applied this to making people laugh.  It was a great answer and a really fun clip.  What was interesting to me though was the question itself.  Of all the things she could have asked; politics, satire, fame she asked about faith.  

Did you know that 85% of adults in NYC believe in God?  That’s according to the Pew Research Center’s study.  The same study found that 75% of us value spirituality.  This is interesting to me because… I live here… and it doesn’t always feel true.  For example, I have two daughters who are in high school.  Both would say that there are no students interested in God.  The Pew Research Center and Dua Lipa say differently.  

 

The Late Show clip and the Pew Research report point to something.  Both tell us that spiritual life and vitality are important. Most of us believe in and want to have a life with God.  What we believe about God might differ, but the desire for God is strong.  

So, here’s some good news.  If you feel isolated and alone in faith in school or work.  You’re not alone.  If you wonder if anyone else cares about God, you’re not alone.  Life with God is more important to your neighbors than you think.  Statistically speaking 8 out of 10 of your peers believe in God.  Spirituality is important to 7 out of 10 of them.  

 

Now for some bad news.  It’s harder than ever to talk about God.  Jonathan Merritt wrote an article in the New York Times in 2018 describing the shrinking percentage of Christians willing to talk about faith.  As I reflect on this trend, it seems to me American Christianity has a credibility problem.  Unhealthy political alignments have been exposed.  The American Church’s history of compromise with racism, sexism, and militarism has been exposed.  Scandals of ministry leaders have filled our media.  

 

Years of declining credibility has contributed to a loss of confidence.  Most of us believe in God.  Most of us want a spiritual life that is healthy and vibrant.  But, maybe, we’ve lost confidence that our church community can help.  Disillusionment with church and with God are real and painful.  

 

I care about this pretty deeply.  I want to know if there really is life and vitality in the way of Jesus.  And I want to know how to get it.  I want to know what’s essential to life with God and what’s not.  I want to know how to thrive spiritually as a Christian.  And I want to help others to thrive spiritually as well.  

I notice some relevant ideas in here in Colossians 3.  Paul clearly believes the way of Jesus is full of life and vitality.  In these next few minutes, I’d like to tease out these ideas with you.  I think, embracing and practicing these ideas will help us thrive spiritually.  Here’s what Paul writes, 

So if you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. 2 Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth, 3 for you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. 4 When Christ who is your life is revealed, then you also will be revealed with him in glory.

The first big idea has to do with allegiance.  
The passage starts with the phrase, “If you have been raised with Christ.”  What does it mean to be raised with Christ?  Paul is clearly speaking metaphorically, but what does the metaphor mean?  

 

The key phrase here is ‘with Christ’.  At the end of Colossians 2 Paul writes about dying with Christ.  Here he talks about being risen with Christ.  So, Paul sees Jesus’ death and resurrection as something we participate in.  The invitation is to be “with Jesus,” somehow, in his death and resurrection.  

 

For centuries theologians have tried to express it means to be “with Jesus.”  You’re probably familiar with them.  I want to highlight one that I don’t think gets enough attention.  We are with Jesus when we are in solidarity with him.  Some of us went to Times Square after Michelle Go’s death to protest.  In that moment the community was standing “with” Michelle, in solidarity.  This week there are calls to stand “with” the Asian American community as we lament Christina Yuna Lee’s murder.  To be “with” someone in this way means to be allied with them.    

 

To be risen with Christ means our allegiance is with him.  So, when we look and see a compromised church we stop.  We check our allegiances.  We ask, are we with Jesus?  Does Jesus have our full solidarity?  We remember Jesus’s death.  And we choose to stand “with” him against the corrupt and corrupting powers that colluded in his death.  We decide that we’re with Jesus, not power politics with religious justifications.  We’re with Jesus, not selfish ambition and greed.  We’re with Jesus, not the preference for comfort over truth.

 

Being “raised with Jesus,” means his way is our way.  All of us are tempted by corrupt and corrupting powers.  But, when we are with Jesus, we recognize and reject them.  

 

And here’s where we find life.  When we are with Jesus, we discover that Jesus is also with us.  

 

Stephen Colbert’s comedy is shaped by this this vision.  In that interview Colbert said, “in light of eternity death isn’t really an end.”  Because Colbert’s allegiance is with Jesus, he offers life in laughter.  

 

I think that’s beautiful.  I think it’s compelling.  It’s a vision of spiritual thriving.  

 

When Jesus has our allegiance, we share in his life.  Jesus is alive.  Jesus is risen from the dead.  “If you have been raised with Christ…”. That’s the first big idea.    

 

The second big idea has to do with setting our will.  

Paul writes, “If you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. 2 Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.”

 

We might assume we know what it means to seek the things above.  I’m not convinced we do.  We assume ‘above’ is up there somewhere detached from ordinary life.  We assume Paul is encouraging some kind of blissful detachment.  He isn’t.    

 

Paul is a very Jewish thinker.  His idea of ‘above’ simply means the place where God’s is.  In Paul’s view heaven and earth overlap and interlock.  God is above creation, but creation is full of God’s fingerprints.  

 

Isaiah 6:3 says, “the whole earth is full of God’s glory.”  Habakkuk 2:14 say, “the earth will be filled with the knowledge of God as the waters cover the sea.”  How do the waters cover the sea?  They are sea.  Setting our mind on the ‘things above’ simply means seeking God in all places and circumstances.  

 

How do we set our mind and will on seeking God?  We begin by choosing to do it.  You have a life with God the moment you want one.  Jesus said, “seek and you’ll find, knock and the door will be opened.”  I’ve experienced this as true.   

 

We use simple structures and practices to help us.  In my family we pray morning and evening.  We set aside regular time for reflection.  We meet small groups.  These simple rhythms help us.  But… and here’s the third thing… we don’t confuse our spiritual practices with our spiritual life.  

 

There's a Jesuit axiom, that goes like this, "You can't smoke while you're praying, but you can pray while you're smoking." The point isn’t that smoking is good for you (it’s not).  The point is that the goal of our spiritual life isn’t to spend less time living and more time praying. The point is to spend every moment paying attention the presence of God.  

 

I can testify to the wisdom in this little phrase. Often, my sweetest times in prayer are not in the recitation of the daily office or reading the New Testament.  The sweetest times are in a sudden desire to start praying for someone.  I was brushing my teeth this week when I suddenly felt a desire to pray for someone who despises me.   Recently, I felt deep joy in God while I made my daughter's coffee. 

 

This doesn't mean fixed rhythms of devotion don't matter. They do. But, the whole point of praying when we rise, before we eat, at dusk, and before bed, is for the times when we aren't formally praying. Our spiritual lives are not the sum total of our religious practices.  They are the lives that are lived in between.

 

Our first big idea is to give Jesus has our allegiance.  The second big idea is to give God our attention.  The third idea is to anchor our identity in God.   

Something powerful happens as we are with Jesus and seeking God.  We stop needing to be important, successful, attractive, secure, right, significant, or needed.  I think this is what Paul means when he writes, “your life is hidden with Christ in God.”  

 

There are so many things in NYC that offer us an identity.  Years ago, Elisabeth Gilbert observed that New Yorkers seemed to have the subliminal command, ‘achieve’ just below conscious awareness.  Being a successful New Yorker is a powerful identity.  We’re pulled toward strong family identity.  We’re pushed toward educational and class identities. 

To be clear, I’m not anti-group identities.  I’m for a life that is hidden with Christ in God.  Or, what I call life with God.

 

Life with God is an awareness of a relationship with God as the ultimate source, anchor, and goal of my being.  Personal identities are important.  Group identities are important.  But we thrive spiritually when our ultimate sense of wellbeing is anchored in God.  If your identity is anchored in success, losing a job will destroy you.  If your identity is anchored in family a broken relationship will destroy you.  If your identity is anchored in money, success, or sex appeal, you’ve already got one foot over the fence.  If your identity is anchored in a church, building, or community, you’re destined for disillusionment.  But, if your life is hidden in Christ, in God, you can thrive.  

Recently, I reflected on this when I was sharply criticized by a close friend.  The conflict raised questions about his trust for me as a leader, as a white male, and as an advocate.  About ten years ago this same friend and I had a similar conflict.  At that time, I was so hurt I felt like quitting ministry.  I was embarrassed. I felt shame.  I felt crushed by failure.  I didn’t know then that my identity depended on his approval.     

This time, instead of feeling crushed by the critique, I was glad.  Why?  Because, more of my life is hidden with Christ in God.  Because God already approves of me, flawed as I am, I’m free to learn.  I don’t have to be perfect.  I don’t have to be liked.  I don’t have to prove my value.  And that frees me to love my friend, even when he’s upset with me.  

This is a challenging season for the church.  Disillusionment with church and disappointment with God are real.  I get it.  And yet, in the midst of disillusionment, I see deep spiritual hunger.  It’s a hunger that can be satiated in life with God if we apply these big ideas.  Align yourself with Jesus.  Seek God.  Anchor your identity in God. When we do we will see Jesus, and so will others.   

 

There is real life and spiritual thriving in the way of Jesus!  This is good news, not just for you.  It’s good news for Dua Lipa.  It’s good news for Stephen Colbert.  It’s good news for your neighbors, classmates, and co-workers.  

 

An Antidote to Chaos - A Reflection on Romans 12:1-2

I was in fourth grade when our stable, Christian, home descended into chaos.  Alcohol, abuse, and adultery swirled together in a toxic cocktail that not only tore our family apart but threatened to divide the church where mom and dad were both influential leaders.  My parent’s divorce and subsequent remarriages, negotiating relationships with step siblings, and even remaining physically safe became a slow-moving crisis of faith for me.  If God was not interested or able to provide stability, safety, or reconciliation for our family, as pious and sincere about faith as any person I knew, why should God be relevant to any part of my life?  

Years later, as I rediscovered the beauty of a life with God, I would have seen stability and the antidote to chaos in a passage like Romans 12.  

 

I appeal to you therefore, brothers and sisters, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. 2Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds, so that you may discern what is the will of God—what is good and acceptable and perfect.

In those days I would have appreciated teaching and reflection on this passage that focused on 'living sacrifice' and 'renewing of your minds' parts. Presenting our bodies is often understood as working against our bodily desires, especially sexual desires, and the renewing of our minds is usually understood as learning theology.  I wouldn’t have seen it at the time, but my appreciation for this understanding would have included a belief that my family’s decent into chaos was the result parents’ poor choices about what they did with their bodies.  Even if I’d not articulated it out loud, a part of me would have thought, “if only my parents had devoted more of their ‘minds, hearts, and hands’ to God, our lives would have been different… better.” 

 

This way of thinking is observable in parts of the church to this day.  I recently read a church leader describe drugs, alcohol, sexual immorality, and addictive consumption as the, “big sins” in our culture.  He seems to believe, like I did, that if only we offer our mind, heart, and hands to God, then we will know and do “what is good, acceptable, and perfect.” (One does have to ask where this idea of “big” and “little” sins comes from, and why these and not arguably much darker stains like racism, economic exploitation, or human trafficking don’t make the list.).

 

This analysis may have some merit.  To this day I believe that life with God, in Christ, by the Spirit, is the best possible life.  And I believe in daily practices of individual and corporate worship and devotion.  I think these are really valuable in cultivating habits that help us truly live.  That said, I don’t think this has anything to do with what Paul is saying in Romans 12.  

 

In context the part about living sacrifice draws on a reframing of Jewish worship.  Paul has just spent three chapters discussing the challenge that unbelieving Israel poses to the community of Jesus the messiah.  His argument is complex, but at its heart is an appeal to the community of Jesus to look for and long for God’s re-integrative work within which Jews and Gentiles together will worship the one true God.  As Paul picks up the language of a living sacrifice, he is saying that the worshipping community is the living sacrifice which is holy and acceptable to God. 

 

This means that individuals can participate in the ‘presenting of our bodies’ and in ‘renewing our minds,’ but that these are primarily communal activities.  It isn’t my abstinence or theological reflection as an individual that’s in view.  Paul is calling the community of faith to be together as one, diverse and yet united, body, demonstrating worship in acts of humble service.  (See verses 3-8 as a development of this thought.). 

 

How is this good news for my fourth-grade self, or even my young adult self?  One way is that it removes the myth (a Western not biblical myth) of the ‘self-made’ woman or man of virtue.  My parents descended into darkness, not because they didn’t try hard enough, but because of the combination of woundedness and coping strategies each brought into their marriage.  When alcohol, sexual desirability, and intimidation are the tools you bring into a marriage, they will assert themselves.  The solution is not to simply ask individuals to work harder and be more moral, it is to create a new community, the “new family of Jesus,” as my friend Rich Villodas calls it, where followers of Jesus can learn the way of love. 

 

How has this passage been applied or thought about in your communities?  What emerges for you as you consider these words today? 

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Stone Throwing and Sexual Exploitation - A Reflection on John 8

Almost twenty years ago, a brothel moved into the building where we had our ministry office.  Our ministry was located on the fifth floor of the five-story walk-up.  The brothel was located on the second floor.  This created an urgent question, how could we be, ‘good neighbors’ in the midst of a morally compromising, awkward, and potentially dangerous set of circumstances? 

 

How, for example, should a woman, working alone in the evening, respond to the knock on the door and the male voice on the other side saying, “I’m here for my massage…”?  What do you do, when it’s clear that local police are turning a blind eye?  How do you offer help to women who may be being commercially exploited, threatened with jail, deportation, or worse?  

 

It took ten years before we had any kind of shared ministry understanding of how to help commercially exploited sex workers.  These days, I would know how to be a good neighbor, how to pray, and how to resource the women I met in the stairwell.  Back then, we were stuck.  

The fact that it took years to answer the question of how to love our vulnerable neighbors is a source of grief and disappointment, that came to mind today as I read the story of the woman caught in adultery in John 8.  

 

It’s a well-known story.  Jesus’ opponents come to him, dragging a woman who has been, “caught” in the “very act” of adultery.  They ask him if they should stone her, according to the law of Moses.  The whole story is a set up.  If Jesus tells them to disobey the law of Moses, they will have grounds to dismiss him as a teacher.  If Jesus tells them to stone the woman, they will undermine his popularity with the vulnerable communities who flock to his teaching.  

Jesus draws on the ground.  Afterwards, he stands and says, “the one of you who is guiltless, let that one be first to throw the stone,” and goes back to drawing on the ground.  One by one the crowd leave, until it is just Jesus and the woman.  He asks if any of her accusers has condemned her, and hearing her reply, says, “neither do I condemn you, go and do not sin…”. 

 

Preachers and commentators on this story emphasize Jesus’ creativity in responding to the trap set for him, and his compassion for the woman.  Too few, in my view, notice the missing adulterous man.  It is not possible for a woman to commit adultery by herself, where is the man she was supposed to be with?  Jewish law required witnesses to put someone to death.  How is it possible that this woman could have been condemned with witnesses, but here the witnesses seem to only have seen the woman?  This isn’t simply a set up for Jesus, the woman too, must have been set up for the purpose of trying to entrap Jesus. 

 

This kind of lawlessness, that pretends to be righteous on one hand, while turning a blind eye to exploitation on the other, is abhorrent to the God we see reflected in Jesus.  Creative thinkers imagine Jesus, writing on the ground a list of the sins of the men who are gathering around, stones in hand.  I imagine, Jesus simply writing Exodus 20:16, “You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.”  The accusers’ witness is false, not because the woman is necessarily guiltless, but because they are actively exploiting a set of circumstances in which she is carrying exclusive moral responsibility for the decisions of others, particularly men. 

 

It seems to me that the tendency to push blame and responsibility for sexual sin towards the vulnerable hasn’t changed much.  The more I read this story, though, the more I see Jesus providing for the vulnerable, exposing exploitation, and offering hope.  Wouldn’t it be great if followers of Jesus were better at that?  

What do you see in this story?  How does it speak to you?  

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Misunderstood?—What Scripture Can Teach Us

I collapsed on my bed after school. Earlier that day I’d had a humiliating encounter with a group of fellow middle school boys who refused to let me sit at “their” table. As I walked away, their laughter sank over me like a cold, damp blanket, sapping my energy with every step.

I reached for the phone. “Mom,” I said, searching for words, “I’m a nerd.”

“Of course, you are!” Mom said without skipping a beat. I’m not sure what she’d been thinking, but these were not the words of comfort my heart ached to hear. The heavy coolness returned as I hung up the phone and stared at the ceiling.

I felt doubly misunderstood. First by the boys, who I felt had personally rejected me. And then by my mom, who, in her rush to empathize, had affirmed my insecurities.

It seems to me that most of us have had an experience of being misunderstood, when we share something important with a friend or roommate, who we hope will offer empathy, support, and understanding only to be disappointed and disconnected. In these moments, misunderstanding is emotionally costly.

Misunderstanding is an ancient human and spiritual problem. Many of us have experienced some form of misunderstanding as we’ve negotiated college life: a roommate who sleeps with the lights on, a teammate who doesn’t trust Christians, comments about our appearance or background that are insensitive or hurtful, or the simple longing to connect with other students more. While the Bible doesn’t give a list of life hacks to ensure we’ll never be misunderstood or misunderstand others, it does bring us into stories and introduce us to people whose experience of misunderstanding we can learn from.

Hannah—Confronting Misunderstanding

Hannah’s story (1 Sam 1:2–2:21) inspires the fighter in me. We’re introduced to Hannah as the favored but childless wife of a man named Elkanah. She’s in a destructive family system where she is favored by Elkanah, provoking the jealousy of Elkanah’s other wife, Peninnah, who has many children. Elkanah responds by giving Hannah more attention, which just incites more jealousy and fuels the destructive cycle.

Hannah longs for a child, and in her distress, she presents herself before the Lord early in the morning, weeping, praying, and pleading her case. But even this action is misunderstood. Eli, the priest, assumes that Hannah is drunk and tells her to stop making a spectacle of herself.

Hannah responds by fighting to be understood. Instead of allowing Eli’s words to create embarrassment or shame, Hannah challenges Eli’s assumptions and clarifies her behavior. She does not play the part ascribed to her by Eli’s mischaracterization but clarifies for this prayerless priest what it looks like to pour out one’s soul to God.

I love this response. Hannah reminds me that it’s okay to confront misunderstanding when it arises, even across differences in status or authority. In fact, Hannah’s confrontation with Eli doesn’t end in chapter 1. When we read Hannah’s prayer in chapter 2 within its immediate context—coming right before the story of Eli’s wicked sons and within the broader context of 1 Samuel, a book largely about the need for faithful, God-honoring leadership for God’s people—we discover that Hannah’s prayer is a rebuke to Eli’s leadership and a celebration of God’s justice.

God uses Hannah’s fight to be understood to move the story of Israel forward in significant ways. It shows that fighting to be understood can be worthwhile and even beneficial when done appropriately.

Jeremiah—Prayerful Complaint

Jeremiah’s story reminds me that faithfulness to God’s call is no guarantee of success or understanding. In Jeremiah 20, we find the prophet arrested and locked in stocks simply for obeying the Lord’s call to prophesy.

Jeremiah’s response is to prayerfully complain to God. He describes God’s call as enticement, as though he was swept up in some attractive or compelling vision of prophetic ministry only to discover the cold truth of rejection and misunderstanding after it was too late. Jeremiah wants to quit prophesying but finds he can’t. He describes God’s words as a fire in his bones he can’t contain.

I love the emotional realism in Jeremiah’s response. He complains of his calling, his message, and even the life and health that are enabling him to experience these distressing days. Jeremiah’s prayer corrects the unhelpful belief that prayers should be nice. Jeremiah doesn’t respond to misunderstanding by patiently and quietly enduring. His prayers don’t spare anyone’s feelings—his own, God’s, or his community.

God doesn’t criticize or challenge Jeremiah in his complaint. This opens the possibility of prayer as complaint as a faithful response to misunderstanding. Perhaps a willingness to complain to God in the face of misunderstanding is a sign of spiritual maturity.

Mary—Stay the Course

Mary of Bethany’s story reminds me of Jesus’ posture toward someone feeling misunderstood. It also inspires courage to persevere despite misunderstanding. In Luke 10:38–42, Mary astounds the community and her sister by choosing to sit at Jesus’ feet. Unfortunately, the image of Mary sitting at Jesus’ feet has been framed in ways that keep us from seeing the layers of misunderstanding that Mary was experiencing.

For example, we tend to see Mary’s sitting at Jesus’ feet as her “doing nothing” while her sister Martha takes on the tasks of practical hospitality. But Mary is hardly doing nothing. Mary’s presence at Jesus’ feet is a bold move implying that she’s seeking to learn from Jesus as a disciple. In a culture and context where women could not be the disciple of a rabbi, this is highly significant. Martha voices the complaint as Mary’s neglect of her hosting responsibilities, but it’s possible that this complaint is also an indirect, face-saving way of correcting Mary to her culturally assigned ‘role.’

Mary’s sitting at Jesus’ feet undoubtedly created social discomfort. She was likely misunderstood by the disciples. She was certainly misunderstood by her sister. Fascinatingly, Mary doesn’t respond to the criticism. She continues to live out the implications of her bold choice despite other’s discomfort.

I love the courage and resilience Mary shows. It would have been easy for Mary to resolve the tension for Martha and others by abandoning her spot at Jesus’ feet. She doesn’t. Jesus’ response reinforces Mary’s agency by saying that Mary had chosen what was better and that it wouldn’t be denied her.

Sometimes misunderstanding is the result of a countercultural choice to follow Jesus. These choices may require courage. Mary’s story opens the possibility that, faced with misunderstanding, disciples of Jesus can stay the course, trusting in Jesus’ posture and commitment.

A Fresh Perspective

Misunderstanding is an ancient human and spiritual problem. Reflecting on these biblical examples helps me to consider my responses to feeling misunderstood in fresh perspective. God is still at work despite misunderstanding.

It leads me to prayerfully ask: Is this a situation where I should confront misunderstanding, bring a complaint or lament to God, or stay the course, trusting in Jesus’ care and sponsorship?

What biblical stories inspire or comfort you as you consider your own experiences of misunderstanding?

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