Lisa R. Howeler's Blog, page 88

Fiction Friday: Mercy’s Shore Chapter 12

This is a continuing/serial story. I share a chapter a week and at the end of the story, and after I edit and rewrite, I self-publish it. To catch up with the story click HERE. To read the rest of the books in this series click HERE. Let me know in the comments what you think.

Chapter 12

Sitting in the car, adjusting her side and rear-view mirrors, Judi couldn’t believe Ben had agreed to let her drive him to the party. Finally, someone was going to give her a chance to correct her errors, improve herself, and best of all she was going to be able to get a small break from Spencer Valley, and all the boredom it had to offer. She connected her phone to the Bluetooth and looked over her playlist while she waited.

All the music on her list might be too wild for Ben. He seemed more reserved. Then again, he needed a little waking up. She picked a favorite band of Molly’s that Ellie had told her about and pushed play. A growling voice and a Southern-rock rhythm filled the car. Not necessarily what she usually listened to, but it would work.

Hopefully Ben wouldn’t mind the music if he ever finished getting ready. He’d told her he’d be grabbing a few things and then he’d be down. He’d already showered and surprised Judi by emerging from his bedroom with wet hair and wearing a pair of jeans and a Chicago Cubs t-shirt. The fact he owned casual clothes was a shock to her, let alone the fac he was actually going to wear them out in public.

She’d texted Ellie and told her what she was doing, leaving out who she was taking Ben to see, only that she needed to take him to see someone in his family. She’d also texted Lonny and told him she wouldn’t be available for her shifts this weekend. Not being at the bar and grill on a weekend would be a relief, since that’s when men seemed to be at their wildest and most grabbing moods.

Most of the men at Lonny’s were good, respectful, and kind. The old saying of it only takes one rotten apple to spoil the bunch didn’t necessarily hold true here, but it did make her less willing to work evenings and weekends.

Ben slid into the passenger seat a few minutes later wearing an unzipped brown leather jacket, a pair of sunglasses, and a frown. He tossed a light-brown messenger bag into the back seat and set a laptop back on the floor in front of him. Judi smirked. She didn’t think he could look any more casual than he had in the apartment, but this leather jacket — wow. It had him looking downright normal.

“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” he mumbled.

Judi snorted a laugh. “You know what I like about you, Oliver? You’re so optimistic and cheerful.” She shifted the car into drive and hit the accelerator before he could change his mind. “Come on. This is going to be fun.”

Ben placed his hands against the dashboard and winced.  “Hey! Slow down! I haven’t even buckled in yet.”

Judi turned up the music and cranked up the air conditioner. “You’ll be fine, Boy Scout. Just hook yourself in now.”

She caught Ben’s tightlipped expression out of the corner of her eye. He clicked the seatbelt in and tipped his head back against the headrest.

“Okay, I looked up how to get to Lancaster, and put the directions in my phone,” she said as she turned the car out of town. “I don’t have Angie’s address though.”

“It’s in my phone.” He closed his eyes. “I can look it up when we get closer.”

She glanced at him again. “Headache back?”

“No.” He opened his eyes briefly and closed them again. “Just tired and not looking forward to this.”

“To seeing your daughter?”

He opened his eyes and looked out the front window. “To seeing Angie, actually, but yeah, seeing Amelia worries me too. She doesn’t even know who I am.”

Judi turned the music down. “So, what happened anyhow? Did you bolt as soon as you knew she was pregnant or before?”

Ben took a deep breath. “You don’t really have tact, do you?”

Judi laughed and flipped a strand of hair over her shoulder. “Nope. Ellie got all the tact. It was all gone by the time Mom had me.”

Ben couldn’t help but huff out a small laugh. “Yeah. I can tell.”

Judi glanced in the rearview mirror. “Dude, get off my bumper,” she told the driver behind her. “I’m already going ten miles over the speed limit.” She pushed her foot on the accelerator. “So did Angie go through that pregnancy on her own?”

Ben pushed back against the seat. “Hey, you want to slow down?”

“Oh.” Judi lifted her foot off the accelerator slightly. “Yeah. Sorry.” She flicked the air conditioner on. “So, do you pay child support?”

“Yes.” Ben’s voice was tight. “I do.”

“But you don’t see her?”

“No.”

Judi winced. “Well, at least you’re paying something, I guess.” The car that had been following them passed them and she made a rude gesture as it slid back into the lane in front of her. “Hope you don’t cause an accident, jerk!” She bit her lower lip and glanced at Ben. “Sorry.”

She sighed, placing both hands at the top of the wheel and leaning back. “Anyhow, I thought my drinking caused problems. Okay, it did, but at least I didn’t abandon a kid.”

Ben slid the sunglasses to the top of his head and scowled. “I’m glad this conversation is helping you realize how much better you are than me.” He narrowed his eyes as he turned to look at her. “Wait a minute. What do you know about my drinking anyhow? I’ve never said anything to you about my past.”

Judi clutched the steering wheel tighter and mentally scrolled through the various ways she could change the subject. There was no way she was going to betray Molly. “I see they’re finally tearing that old building down outside of Spencer. I overheard Liz tell Molly it’s going to be a warehouse of some kind and bring a bunch of jobs to the area.”

Ben slid the sunglasses back down over his eyes again and leaned back. “Yeah, yeah. Nice try. I’m guessing you pieced some things together when I attended the AA meeting.”

 Judi rolled the window down and propped her arm on the open window. “So, did you love Angie?”

Ben’s scowl was a full-on glare now. “Not that it’s any of your business but yes, I did love Angie.” He looked back at the road, a muscle working in his jaw as he clinched it briefly. “I still do. Now let’s change the subject. Take that exit up there, it will get us there quicker.”

“Which one?”

“The one to the right. It’s right there. Coming up.”

“What number?”

“Judi, there is only one exit in front of — Great. We missed it. Now we’re going to have to take the exit ten miles ahead and that’s going to take us a half an hour out of our way.”

“Well, you didn’t give me directions, so what was I supposed to do?”

Ben groaned in frustration. “Just keep driving. We’ll figure it out at the next exit, but when I say to turn next time, do it.”

Judi stifled a laugh behind her hand. This trip was definitely going to be a lot more fun than sitting at home on the couch eating ice cream and watching reruns of shows she watched in high school.

***

All Ben had wanted to do was take a brief nap. He had no idea when he woke up, he’d be in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by trees, in a car that wasn’t running and without a driver.

He blinked his eyes and lifted his sunglasses, looking in the backseat and then out his window for Judi. Where in the world was she?

This hadn’t all been a dream, right? His secretary coming to his apartment and insisting he let her drive him to the home of his ex-girlfriend and their daughter? He opened the car door and stepped out onto a dirt covered pull off next to a paved road. They were definitely not on the highway anymore.

Was he losing his mind? Maybe he’d woke up in an episode of the Twilight Zone.

Had they somehow teleported back to Spencer Valley while he was asleep?

He rubbed his hands over his face and took a deep breath as he scanned the brush and woods around him. “Judi?” He cupped his hands around his mouth. “Judi! Where are you?”

Nothing.

A few birds chirping. A breeze rustling some leaves, but otherwise silence.

A chill shuddered up his spine. He’d read a book like this one time. It hadn’t had a pleasant ending. Maybe he’d actually slipped into a coma and this was his dream. If so, the dream was very boring.

“Judi!” He spun to his right at the sound of twigs breaking and bushes moving. When Judi stumbled out with a leaf in her hair and looking disheveled he blinked in the sunlight and dropped his sunglasses back down over his eyes again. “What is going on?! Where are we?!”

Judi pulled a twig out of her hair. “I was looking for a bathroom.”

“So you drove into the middle of nowhere?”

“No, I drove into the middle of nowhere because my car was making weird noises and steam was pouring out of the hood. I pulled off the first exit I could find and saw a sign for a gas station, so I was trying to get to it.” She brushed the back of her skirt off. “The car stopped and while I was sitting there trying to figure out what to do, I had to tinkle.”

Ben raised an eyebrow. “You had to what?”

Judi tossed her hands out to her side like she should understand what she was saying. “I had to tinkle!” She gestured toward the bushes. “In the bushes!”

“Tinkle? Did you really just say tinkle? What are you, three?”

Judi stuck her tongue out briefly. “I’m trying to be polite, okay? But yes, I had to use the bathroom in the bushes, and I might have poison ivy on my bottom and my car is billowing smoke. I’m not exactly having fun either.”

Ben turned to follow her as she walked toward the car. “Why didn’t you wake me?”

She opened the driver’s side door, reaching inside for her phone. “Because you’re grumpy when you first wake up. Also, I realized how bad I had to go when I was about to wake you.” She tapped the screen on her phone. “If I can figure out where we are maybe I can find a mechanic to come figure out what’s wrong with my car.”

Ben scoffed. “I can check out the car.”

Judi laughed without even looking up from the phone. “Okay, Mr. Attorney.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I’ve seen those hands. You’ve definitely never worked on cars before.”

Ben shoved his hands in the front pockets of his jeans and sighed. “Yeah, but I still might be able to figure something out.” Five minutes later, after looking under the hood, he turned toward her again while she looked at her phone. “What did the exit say when you pulled off?”

She shrugged. “I don’t remember. The car started smoking then and I thought it was going to blow up.”

“Do you have triple a?”

Her finger hovered over the phone screen as she looked up with a confused expression. “Is that like a battery?”

Ben was never sure when Judi was serious or seriously being an airhead. “It’s a roadside service for cars. Your insurance information should say whether you have it or not. Where is your insurance paperwork?”

Judi bit her lower lip. “Um….in the glove compartment? I think?”

Ben slid back into the passenger seat and popped open the glove compartment. Hair scrunchies, a makeup case, and a few pieces of crumpled up paper tumbled toward him. He caught the scrunchies and makeup case and shoved them back in and reached for the papers that had fallen to his feet.

“It’s not here.” He stepped out of the car and walked toward her with the papers in his hands. “These look like your past insurance information and your current registration.”

She snatched the papers from him. “That can’t be right. I always keep my insurance information in —” Her expression morphed from confusion to resignation and then a frown as she tipped her head back with closed eyes. “Oh right. I left my insurance information on my kitchen table after the accident. I never put it back in the car.”

Ben propped a hand on his hip and pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and index finger. “Okay.” He took a deep breath. “Let’s just do a search online for mechanics in this area. The GPS on my phone should pinpoint where we are so I knew which mechanic is closest to us.”

He leaned back into the car and picked up his phone. The screen was black. There was no way the battery was dead. He’d charged it before he left.

He shook his head slowly. No, actually, he hadn’t had time to charge his phone fully.

He turned toward Judi. “Do you have a car charger?”

She motioned toward the middle console. “Yeah. In there.”

He pushed aside empty gum wrappers, two chocolate bar wrappers, a receipt from a theater, and pulled out the charger. Without the car running, the phone wasn’t going to charge much, but it would some at least.

“Okay, let me use your phone to find out where we are,” he said after he’d plugged his phone in.

Ben scrolled through pages of apps on Judi’s phone as he walked to the front of the car, looking for her GPS feature. “I’m sure we can find a mechanic to come pick us up and fix the car. Where is your GPS app?”

Judi shrugged a shoulder and began inspecting her fingernails. “Dunno. Never use it.”

No surprise there. Ben slid his thumb across her screen and finally found what he needed. “Okay. We’re ninety minutes out of Lancaster. Near Mechanicsburg.” He found the internet browser, thankful that they at least had data service where they were. “Looks like the closest mechanic is thirty minutes away.”

Judi hopped up on the hood and laid across it on her back. “Maybe someone will come by.”

Ben squinted into the sunlight, looking down the cracked paved road at rows of green bushes mixed among pine trees and maples and a group of dead Ash trees. “I haven’t seen a car the entire time we’ve been talking. Did any come by before I woke up?” He dialed the number of the mechanic, not waiting for Judi’s response.

No one answered from the first mechanic shop, so he tried another. It was a Saturday. All the shops were probably closed. It wasn’t until the fourth call that someone picked up.

“You’re where?” the man on the other end of the phone asked. His voice was deep, gruffy, like he’d been up all night.

“We’re on a small back road off Route 81, somewhere near Mechanicsburg.”

 “Got a road name?” the man responded.

Ben scanned the road. “No. Not from where I’m standing. I can try to find one.”

“Why don’t you do that?”

Ben didn’t appreciate the man’s sarcasm.

“Where are you going?!” Judi shouted after him as he started down the road. “Don’t leave me alone! I could be kidnapped, killed — eaten by a bear!”

“All of your yelling will scare a bear off, don’t worry,” he called over his shoulder.

The man chuckled through the phone. “Little lady naggin’ you, huh?”

Ben ignored him and looked for a road sign. He’d walked several hundred feet when he found it. “It’s Dempsy Hill Road.”

The man winced. “Never heard of it. I don’t think you’re as close to me as you think. You’re sure you’re near Mechanicsburg?”

Ben started back toward Judi, wishing he’d been awake when all of this had happened so he could have seen what the exit had said. “Let me call you back when I find out for sure where we are.”

“Yep, it’s a good thing to know where you’re at,” the man said with a laugh. Obviously, he thought he was funny, but Ben had lost his sense of humor. He hung up without saying goodbye.

“Are you sure you didn’t see a road sign when you pulled off the exit?” he asked when he reached Judi. “How far did you drive after the exit?”

Judi yawned, still sprawled on the hood, now with her eyes closed and an arm draped over her forehead. “Maybe five miles or so? I kept seeing signs for a gas station.”

He looked at the GPS again, then zoomed in. “Good grief. We’re an hour east of Mechanicsburg. No wonder that guy hadn’t heard of this road. We’re also going in the wrong direction to get to Lancaster.”

He searched for another mechanic while Judi continued to lounge. As the phone rang, he kept his eye on a pickup driving down the road toward them, wondering if the driver was someone who could help them or someone who might kill them. He wasn’t sure if it was good or bad when the truck zoomed past, a man with a cigar in one corner of his mouth watching with narrowed eyes through the open window as he drove by.

“Billy’s Auto.” A deep male voice answered the phone, bringing his attention away from the truck.

“Hey, Billy, my name’s Ben and —”

“I’m not Billy.”

“Oh. I’m sorry. You just said Billy’s Auto so —”

“Billy’s my dad.”

“Oh. Okay. Is your dad there?”

“He’s been dead ten years.”

Ben cleared his throat and resisted the urge to scream. “I’m sorry to hear that, sir. Listen, I’m broke down on Dempsy Hill Road and I’m wondering —”

“I don’t have a tow truck.”

“Your website says you do.”

“Mine’s in the shop.”

“But you are a shop.”

“It’s in my shop.”

Ben’s jaw tightened and he shook his head. “Okay. I’ll just call someone else.”

“I didn’t say I couldn’t help you. I just can’t tow you.” Ben heard the man spit. “I can be there in about 45 minutes. I’ve got a car on the lift for an oil change and tire rotation, then I’ll be down.”

Ben pushed a hand through his hair and clutched it. “How far away are you?”

The man huffed a breath out. “I don’t know. About fifteen minutes?” He spit again. “Give or take.”

“Okay, well, I’m actually on a schedule and —”

The man chuckled in Ben’s ear. “Aren’t we all. See you in 45.”

The loud click that slammed through Ben’s eardrum told him the man answered calls on an old-fashioned rotary phone. He looked at the time on the phone and winced. They definitely weren’t going to make it to the party on time at this rate.

Judi’s voice was drowsy, and she was still in the same position. “Did you find someone?”

Ben rolled his eyes. Nice that she was able to get some rest while he tried to figure out how to get her car fixed. “Yes, but he said it would take him 45 minutes, I’m going to try someone else.”

He sat in the passenger seat while he looked for another mechanic. When the sound of an engine grew louder, he looked up briefly at a large Bic Mack coming up over the hill then kept scrolling. The truck, complete with a trailer, barreled past them, which didn’t surprise him. A truck that big was usually on a schedule of their own and couldn’t easily pull over to help anyone, even if they knew anything about how to fix cars.

The other mechanic shop he called was closed. Apparently, they were going to have to wait for the 45-minute guy. He tossed Judi’s phone onto the driver’s seat and pushed the passenger seat back. His head was starting to throb again, and he was sure the stress hadn’t helped. He reached for the ibuprofen he’d tossed in his bag, popped two, and washed it down with the rest of the water in a bottle he’d brought with him.

“Hey, Ben?”

Oh boy.

Judi had already been more than blunt during this trip. What would come out of her mouth this time?

He closed his eyes and tipped his head back, bracing himself. “Yeah?”

“I used to not like you because you broke up with Molly to go out with Angie.”

He winced without opening his eyes. Oh yeah. Here she went again. “Can’t say I blame you.”

“But maybe you’re not so bad. Everyone makes mistakes. Maybe you went about it the wrong way but maybe you and Angie were meant to be together.” There was a pause, “And maybe you still are.”

He didn’t want to open his eyes when he heard her move, but he opened one and saw her leaning back on her elbows, smiling out into empty space as if a lightbulb had gone off in her head. Oh, that could not be a good thing.

The beep of a text message startled him, and he looked down at his phone.

The text message popped up on the lock screen.

Seline: Hey, did that lawyer call you? I should have given you a heads up. Call me back, okay? I know you don’t want anything to do with anything involving Jeff, but if he did the same thing to this other girl then this might be a chance to make him pay for what he tried to do to you? You know?

Seline? Who was Seline? He didn’t know anyone named — Oh wow. He really must be tired. That wasn’t his phone. It was Judi’s. He looked away from the phone and yawned, closing his eyes again.

He tried to let his thoughts drift away from the frustration of the day, but the idea he should try another mechanic nudged at him. Or maybe he should start walking and find a gas station himself. Or maybe — Wait. His mind drifted back to the text message. Who was Jeff and what had he tried to do to Judi?

The loud roar of an engine opened both of his eyes and when the big truck he’d seen earlier pulled off into the space behind him his heart rate picked up. He had a bad feeling about a large transportation truck, complete with a trailer, pulling up behind their broken-down car in the middle of nowhere.

He pulled the passenger seat up into an upright position and kept his eyes on the driver, sitting up high, behind a darkened window and wearing a pair of sunglasses. This could either end up being good or very, very bad and Ben’s muscles tensed as he waited to see what the outcome would be.

Faithfully Thinking: Letting God Lead

I was scrolling through Instagram this past weekend when I saw a post/video from novelist Nadine Brandes. She was talking about acne she had dealt with after a virus during college. It was all across her face and she said many people would offer unsolicited advice or make awful assumptions about it. She eventually developed a deep depression over it because nothing worked to remove it — not medications or creams or expensive medication. All those things did was make her sick.

She said that one day she started to cover the mirrors in her house and began to focus on Jesus and her relationship with him. She stopped trying to take care of the problem herself. She wrote under the short video she posted that she never actually figured out what the source of the acne was, but one day, she began to notice it was fading, and then it was gone. She wrote, “All I can say is Jesus. Jesus removed the stress, the anxiety, and the shame. I think peace affects our bodies just as much (if not more) as creams.”

I could relate to her story, not because I have ever had her acne, or even because of the frustrating health issues I do deal with, but because I have found myself focusing too much on situations, people, and my perceived failures and not enough on Jesus many times.

Most recently this focus has come in the form of trying to figure out how to build a following for my books so I can earn a little extra cash to help my family financially, but also because I enjoy sharing my stories. I started checking off all these steps that “experts” insist you must do to be noticed on social media. I created an author page and group on Facebook. I searched for ways to increase interactions and followings on Instagram. I tried to do everything that was being suggested without totally driving myself crazy since I had walked that road before and ended up with a near mental breakdown.

I’ve learned there is nothing wrong with building a following, either to help promote your work so you can support your family or to get the word out about something you’re passionate about (like your faith in Christ), but if it is replacing your relationship with Christ then it will bring you more misery than you were prepared to handle.

Nadine’s post was a reminder to me to step back again, lay it all in Jesus’ hands and not worry so much about followers or sales or anything other than my relationship with him.

He’s the ultimate provider and all my hard work means nothing if I don’t lean into him and let him lead.

This is something I will have to remind myself of over and over again because so many of us know how it should be and we do fine for a while but then life — argh! Life gets crazy or scary or crazy scary again and we lose our way.

We forget to trust.

We lose focus.

We get distracted. It is in those moments of distraction that we have to be reminded of what we had committed to in the past, which was focusing on Christ and letting him take care of all that weighs us down.

Doing anything other than that will not only frustrate us but make us sick, mentally, spiritually and even physically.

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God;  and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

Classic Movie Impression: Cat on a Hot Tin Roof (with spoilers)

Erin of Still Life, With Cracker Crumbs and I have been trading classic movie suggestions this summer.

So far I have watched and she has watched Double Indemnity.

Last time Erin suggested Streetcar and Cat On A Hot Tin Roof (this came about when we were discussing our old movie star crushes. Erin’s is Marlon Brando and mine is Paul Newman), and I chose Streetcar first, so I watched Cat On A Hot Tin Roof for this time around because I thought I had never seen it.

However, as I watched it, I remembered I had seen part of it before, and like before I did not exactly enjoy it but didn’t hate it. I liked it, but I did not enjoy it. I’m not sure if that makes sense. Before I launch into my thoughts about the movie, I will warn you that I will be offering some spoilers, so if this is a movie you have never watched, you might want to skip this particular post. Also, Erin watched The Thin Man, the first of the Thin Man movie series with William Powell and Myrna Lloyd for her post today.

Going back to my comments on not enjoying the film: it isn’t that I didn’t like the acting or the masterful storytelling based on Tennessee William’s play. What I didn’t enjoy was just how awful all the people in the movie and play are. They are all liars and cheaters, with maybe the exception of Brick, played by Paul Newman. Brick is a sad, lost man throughout the movie and he’s the only one I have sympathy for. The only one Brick is lying to is himself, according to some reviews of the play, which say Brick was actually gay and couldn’t face it. The movie, however, doesn’t lean toward that subject being the reason behind Brick’s constant bad mood, which angered Williams, Newman, and fans of the original play.

There is a lot of debate online about what Brick is so broken about, but it appears the confusion comes from the fact that the movie was changed from the original play.

In the play, Brick is supposedly so upset because he’s suppressing his homosexuality. This, however, is not the issue in the movie. In the movie, he’s upset because he ignored the calls of his close friend who cared about Brick (in a more romantic way) when Brick didn’t feel that way toward him and he’s also upset because his wife slept with the friend to try to prove that the friend was as good of a guy as Brick thought. She thought by proving that she could get Brick to love her more. The plan backfires and he ends up hating his wife.

One commenter on a forum said that in the play Brick may have been gay, but in the movie he is not. Another commenter said they felt that Brick was struggling with the fact his father did not love him, he had a close friend who died who loved Brick, but Brick didn’t love him back, and that he was ashamed of his failure at anything his father wanted him to succeed at.

To me, (good or bad) Williams seemed to have an obsession with characters being closeted gay people, most likely because that was his story. It’s understandable because a lot of writers share parts of themselves in their works.

Aside from Brick’s issues about his sexuality, there is also an underlying theme of the idea of love being something that can’t be shown in material items (“All I wanted was for you to love me,” Brick tells Big Daddy in the climactic scene. “I wanted a father, not a boss.”), what is real masculinity (Brick’s brother has fathered six children, Brick none), the idea of the patriarchal rule of the American south and American society in the 1950s, and the idea of people who want money and power even though they don’t really deserve it because they’re vindictive and focused on appearances more than anything.

Also, in the end, (as far as the movie goes) I do think there is a part of Brick who feels horrible for how he lashes out at his father (called Big Daddy) and reveals a horrible secret in the process and also how he has treated Maggie. There is a suggestion by some who have watched the play and movie that Brick finally decides to sleep with Maggie to give her the baby she wants not because he loves her but because he feels, in a way, he owes it to her, and I think that may be the case. As angry as he is at her and at himself, he shows in the movie version that he does have compassion for her and guilt for how he has treated her. She, however, is liar and simply a pretty pathetic person — hence the reference to her as a cat on a hot tin roof — she hangs in there no matter how hot it gets because she digs her claws in.

Overall this was a good movie and I’m glad Erin reminded me of it. It isn’t a movie I would watch over and over because some of the characters are just so unlikeable (Mae, Brick’s sister-in-law makes me want to reach through the screen and slap her, probably because I’ve known more than one woman like her in my lifetime) and because the subjects are so heavy. The wonderful acting more than makes up for the difficult subjects and characters, however, which is always the case with any movie based on Williams’ work —even if the theme of his play was changed to sanitize topics for the time frame the movie was made in.

If you would like to read more about the various interpretations of the play and movie versions of Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, you can read this article in The Guardian.

Book recommendation: Walking In Tall Weeds by Robin W. Pearson

Book title: Walking in Tall Weeds

Author: Robin W. Pearson

Publisher: Tyndale House

Release Date: July 19, 2022

Description:

From award-winning author Robin W. Pearson comes a new Southern family drama about one family who discovers their history is only skin-deep and that God’s love is the only family tie that binds.

Paulette and Fred Baldwin find themselves wading through a new season of life in Hickory Grove, North Carolina. Their only son, McKinley, now works hundreds of miles away, and the distance between the husband and wife feels even farther. When their son returns home, his visit dredges up even more conflict between Fred and Paulette.

McKinley makes it no secret that he doesn’t intend to follow in his father’s footsteps at George & Company Fine Furnishings or otherwise. Fred can’t quite bring himself to accept all his son’s choices, yet Paulette is determined McKinley will want for nothing, least of all a mother’s love and attention—which her own skin color cost her as a child. But all her striving leaves Fred on the outside looking in.

Paulette suspects McKinley and Fred are hiding something that could change the whole family. Soon, she’s facing a whirlwind she never saw coming, and the three of them must dig deep to confront the truth. Maybe then they’ll discover that their history is only skin-deep while their faith can take them right to the heart of things.

My Thoughts:

With Walking in Tall Weeds, Robin W. Pearson once again takes readers on a journey with characters who are easy to love despite their flaws.

Walking in Tall Weeds is the third book I have written by Robin W. Pearson, which is fitting since it is the third book she has written.

Each time I read one of her books I am pulled into a world that I am both familiar and unfamiliar with. Her characters feel like people I know, partially because they are from the South and my mom’s family is from the South, but also because Robin is so amazing at writing characters who are multi-dimensional and well-rounded.

Robin details each part of her characters’ personalities in deeply personal and creative ways which creates a warm and nurturing environment for their stories to be told.

Each time I read one of Robin’s books, I am drawn to the main characters. In A Long Time Comin’ I related to Evelyn and felt like maybe Robin had been reading my private journals before she flushed out her character. In ‘Til I Want Not More I didn’t understand Maxine at first, but as I continued to read and think about her, I realized I was a lot like her as well. In Walking in Tall Weeds, though, I share so much of Paulette’s personality it was almost like looking in a soul mirror. When she did, said, or thought certain things I thought, “Oh my. That’s me.” This was both a good and a bad realization depending on the moment Paulette was in the midst of.

This book definitely touches on the evil of racism, but it is not overly dark or the only theme of this emotionally rich novel.

Robin has a way of dealing with the tough issues with a little bit of humor and a whole lot of love.

Walking In Tall Weeds is a book that intertwines a number of challenges — both family and social — but at the ultimate center of it all is how humans relate to each other.

Some readers might call this a book that focuses on a societal issue and yes, that is one aspect of this book, but the main, undercurrent focus of this book is relationships. To steal a quote from the author, this is a book that asks,  “How do we love others well, through all the different stages of life? Husbands, wives, extended family, children, friends, enemies, co-workers, ourselves?”

Robin’s writing makes you think deeply about what her characters are going through but also how to tackle those same issues in your own life. 

Giveaway:

If you’d like to win an autographed copy of Walking in Tall Weeds please enter the giveaway on my Instagram today through Friday.

Sunday Bookends: Paul Newman movies and romantic comedy books dominate this week

Welcome to Sunday Bookends where I ramble about what I’ve been reading, doing, watching, writing and listening to.

What’s Been Occurring

Last week seemed busy even though we didn’t do as much as the week before. Sunday we spent the day at my parents again. Wednesday The Husband and I went out for dinner for our 20th anniversary. We went to a place we were familiar with and enjoyed a good meal and then came home and watched a show based on an Agatha Christie short story.

Friday it was my first time grocery shopping in person in several years. I hate grocery shopping, so we have been doing grocery pickups for years, even before it was a “thing”. Now that we live 45 minutes from any Walmart, and with the price of gas, doing grocery pick up has become too expensive, so Friday the kids and I drove 20 minutes to the new Aldi store. It looks like I will now be doing this every Friday or every other Friday for the foreseeable future. Wish me luck.

I did learn one thing — don’t take a young child with you because they try to fill the cart with extra food. Luckily most of that extra food was fruit, but still.

This week I have to take Little Miss to gymnastics and take some photos at dress rehearsal for the play my husband is in and that, thank goodness, is about it.

What I’m Reading

I am still reading The Do Over by Bethany Turner, but will probably finish it this week.

For those who are curious about what it is about, here is a description:

A witty, romantic comedy of errors as former high school rivals McKenna and Henry inadvertently reunite in their hometown.

Hot-shot lawyer McKenna Keaton finds herself in hot water with her own law firm when she’s (falsely!) accused of embezzlement. Placed on unpaid leave, she suddenly finds herself with the free time to return home and attend her youngest sister’s wedding activities.

But it’s not all fun and games. Waiting back home is shy, nerdy Henry Blumenthal—McKenna’s high school rival for valedictorian who once took three hours to beat her at chess. Scratch that. He’s Hank Blume now, the famed documentarian, Durham, North Carolina’s, darling son, who has attained all his dreams and more. He also happens to look like he stepped out of an Eddie Bauer catalog.

Whereas McKenna is a disgraced workaholic from New York on unpaid leave, accused of a white-collar crime she would never commit, succumbing to panic attacks, and watching her dreams unravel. At age thirty-eight—and destined by the family curse to die before she turns forty, apparently—it’s absolutely the wrong time to have a major crush on a man. Especially one who treasures his memories of McKenna as the Girl Most Likely to Succeed.

On some days I am also reading a chapter or two of Anne of the Island but I’m trying to be more careful with the paperback copy of it I have because it’s starting to look very beat up since I have been carrying it everywhere with me. I’ve decided to only read it at home from now on. I’m not very gentle with hard copies of books, which is why I hate to get books out at the library. The Husband, on the other hand, somehow keeps even paperback copies of books pristine and I don’t know how he does it. I refuse to read his paperbacks because I am always paranoid that I will mess it up.

How about you? Do you keep your books in good shape or do they get a bit bent up and scuffed?

The Husband is reading Don’t Know by Tough by Eli Cantor (it’s the author’s debut novel).

The Boy is reading War of the Worlds by H.G. Wells

Little Miss and I are reading Ramona and Her Father by Beverly Cleary.

What I/We Watched/Are Watching

I call Paul Newman my favorite actor but this past week I realized, rather sadly, that I have not watched very many of his movies, so I decided to remedy that by watching more of his movies this summer. Then I found a list that suggested 15 of his movies to watch so I decided to work through those for fun for the rest of the summer and maybe beyond.

­­­Erin from Still Life, With Cracker Crumbs, had already suggested A Cat on a Hot Tin Roof as a movie for me to watch and I’ll have a blog post on that later this week. She and I are trading movie suggestions this week.

From there I watched The Long Hot Summer, which I have wanted to watch for a long time. That was one of the eleven movies he did with his wife, Joanne Woodward. I really enjoyed it, even though I thought Paul’s character was a little bit of a jerk for most of the movie. A sexy jerk but a jerk nonetheless. I also didn’t recognize Orson Welles at all in the movie and it took the credits at the end for me to realize it was him.

This weekend I also checked off Paris Blues, another Newman/Woodward movie, that also starred Sidney Poitier, Diahan Carroll, and Louis Armstrong.

A description of the movie, if you, like me had never seen it:

During the 1960s, two American expatriate jazz musicians living in Paris meet and fall in love with two American tourist girls. During the 1960s, two American expatriate jazz musicians living in Paris meet and fall in love with two American tourist girls.

A couple interesting things about the movie, which was made in the 60s, was that it was Woodward who pursued Newman and not just pursued him, but jumped right into bed with him. Newman also started to flirt with Carroll’s character in the movie, hinting at an interracial relationship, but that relationship doesn’t happen as Newman and Poitier switch partners, so to speak.

According to the above article I mentioned, the book that the movie was based on featured an interracial relationship, but movie producers felt that that would be too progressive and offend audiences (insert eye roll here). There was, however, a conversation about civil rights in the movie between Poitier and Carroll when he asks her if she wants to have fun or “do you want to discuss the race thing?” Sounds a lot like conversations we could have today.

The on-screen chemistry between Newman and Woodward is amazing, of course, but that’s to be expected since they had married three years earlier.

Once again, Newman was a bit of a jerk at times during the movie, but there is one scene where he and Woodward break into laughter and I don’t think it was scripted. I think they naturally started to laugh at each other.

As I mentioned above, The Husband and I also watched an episode of The Agatha Christie Hour through AcornTV, which is a series based on Agatha Christie’s short stories.

Yesterday I rewatched North by Northwest with Cary Grant and Eva Marie Saint because I couldn’t remember most of the movie. It was better the second time around but I still don’t like Eva Marie Saint, who I saw in Exodus with Paul Newman years ago, as an actress. Something about her just grates on my nerves, but more so in Exodus where she was a seriously arrogant American.

North by Northwest is one of Hitchcock’s best and this is one of the most famous scenes:

Upcoming this week: Blue Hawaii with Elvis at the suggestion of Erin, The Rack with Paul Newman and maybe another Paul movie.

What I’m Listening To

I’ve been listening to a lot of Christian music and finding some new artists on Apple Music, including Jon Reddick.

Last night I listened to some songs from Fiddler on the Roof, including my favorite, which I used to dance to in our living room, and made my parents think I was going to be in musicals someday (ha!)

What I’m Writing

This week on the blog I shared:

Fiction Friday: Mercy’s Shore Chapter 11Book recommendation: Kitchen Confidential by Anthony Bourdain. A story of loving food, working in restaurants, and traveling the world.

Now It’s Your Turn

What have you been watching, reading, listening to, writing, or doing? Let me know in the comments.

Sunday Bookends:

Welcome to Sunday Bookends where I ramble about what I’ve been reading, doing, watching, writing and listening to.

What’s Been Occurring

Last week seemed busy even though we didn’t do as much as the week before. Sunday we spent the day at my parents again. Wednesday The Husband and I went out for dinner for our 20th anniversary. We went to a place we were familiar with and enjoyed a good meal and then came home and watched a show based on an Agatha Christie short story.

 Friday it was my first time grocery shopping in person in several years. I hate grocery shopping, so we have been doing grocery pickups for years, even before it was a “thing”. Now that we live 45 minutes from any Walmart, and with the price of gas, doing grocery pick up has become too expensive so Friday the kids and I drove 20 minutes to the new Aldi store. It looks like I will now be doing this every Friday or every other Friday for the foreseeable future. Wish me luck.

I did learn one thing — don’t take young children with you because they try to fill the cart with extra food. Luckily most of that extra food was fruit, but still.

This week I have to take Little Miss to gymnastics and take some photos at dress rehearsal for the play my husband is in and that, thank goodness, is about it.

What I’m Reading

I am still reading The Do Over by Bethany Turner, but will probably finish it this week.

For those who are curious about what it is about, here is a description:

A witty, romantic comedy of errors as former high school rivals McKenna and Henry inadvertently reunite in their hometown.

Hot-shot lawyer McKenna Keaton finds herself in hot water with her own law firm when she’s (falsely!) accused of embezzlement. Placed on unpaid leave, she suddenly finds herself with the free time to return home and attend her youngest sister’s wedding activities.

But it’s not all fun and games. Waiting back home is shy, nerdy Henry Blumenthal—McKenna’s high school rival for valedictorian who once took three hours to beat her at chess. Scratch that. He’s Hank Blume now, the famed documentarian, Durham, North Carolina’s, darling son, who has attained all his dreams and more. He also happens to look like he stepped out of an Eddie Bauer catalog.

Whereas McKenna is a disgraced workaholic from New York on unpaid leave, accused of a white-collar crime she would nevercommit, succumbing to panic attacks, watching her dreams unravel. At age thirty-eight—and destined by the family curse to die before she turns forty, apparently—it’s absolutely the wrong time to have a major crush on a man. Especially one who treasures his memories of McKenna as the girl Most Likely to Succeed.

On some days I am also reading a chapter or two of Anne of the Island but I’m trying to be more careful with the paperback copy of it I have because it’s starting to look very beat up since I have been carrying it everywhere with me. I’ve decided to only read it at home from now on. I’m not very gentle with hard copies of books, which is why I hate to get books out at the library. The Husband, on the other hand, somehow keeps even paperback copies of books pristine and I don’t know how he does it. I refuse to read his paperbacks because I am always paranoid that I will mess it up.

How about you? Do you keep your books in good shape or do they get a bit bent up and scuffed?

The Husband is reading Don’t Know by Tough by Eli Cantor (it’s the author’s debut novel).

The Boy is reading War of the Worlds by H.G. Wells

Little Miss and I are reading Ramona and Her Father by Beverly Cleary.

What I/We Watched/Are Watching

I call Paul Newman my favorite actor but this past week I realized, rather sadly, that I have not watched very many of his movies, so I decided to remedy that by working through his movies this summer. Then I found a list that suggested 15 of his movies to watch so I decided to work through those for fun for the rest of the summer.

­­­Erin from Still Life, With Cracker Crumbs, had already suggested A Cat on a Hot Tin Roof as a movie for me to watch and I’ll have a blog post on that later this week.

From there I watched The Long Hot Summer, which I have wanted to watch for a long time. That was one of the ten movies he did with his wife, Joanne Woodward. I really enjoyed it, even though I thought Paul’s character was a little bit of a jerk for most of the movie. A sexy jerk but a jerk nonetheless. I also didn’t recognize Orson Wells at all in the movie and it took the credits at the end for me to realize it was him.

This weekend I also checked off Paris Blues, another Newman/Woodward movie, that also starred Sidney Poitier, Diahan Carroll, and Louis Armstrong.

A description of the movie, if you, like me had never seen it:

During the 1960s, two American expatriate jazz musicians living in Paris meet and fall in love with two American tourist girls. During the 1960s, two American expatriate jazz musicians living in Paris meet and fall in love with two American tourist girls.

A couple interesting things about the movie, which was made in the 60s, was that it was Woodward who pursued Newman and not just pursued him, but jumped right into bed with him. Newman also started to flirt with Carroll’s character in the movie, hinting at an interracial relationship, but that relationship doesn’t happen as Newman and Poitier switch partners, so to speak.

According to the above article I mentioned, the book that the movie was based on featured an interracial relationship, but movie producers felt that that would be too progressive and offend audiences (insert eye roll here). There was, however, a conversation about civil rights in the movie between Poitier and Carroll when he asks her if she wants to have fun or “do you want to discuss the race thing?” Sounds a lot like conversations we could have today.

The on-screen chemistry between Newman and Woodward is amazing, of course, but that’s to be expected since they had married three years earlier.

Once again, Newman was a bit of a jerk at times during the movie, but there is one scene where he and Woodward break into laughter and I don’t think it was scripted. I think they naturally started to laugh at each other.

As I mentioned above, The Husband and I also watched an episode of The Agatha Christie Hour through AcornTV, which is a series based on Agatha Christie’s short stories.

Yesterday I rewatched North by Northwest with Cary Grant and Eva Marie Saint because I couldn’t remember most of the movie. It was better the second time around but I still don’t like Eva Marie Saint, who I saw in Exodus with Paul Newman years ago, as an actress. Something about her just grates on my nerves, but more so in Exodus where she was a seriously arrogant American.

North by Northwest is one of Hitchcock’s best and this is one of the most famous scenes:

Upcoming this week: Blue Hawaii with Elvis at the suggestion of Erin, The Rack with Paul Newman and maybe another Paul movie.

What I’m Listening To

I’ve been listening to a lot of Christian music and finding some new artists on Apple Music, including Jon Reddick.

Last night I listened to some songs from Fillder on the Roof, including my favorite, which I used to dance to in our living room, and made my parents think I was going to be in musicals someday (ha!)

What I’m Writing

This week on the blog I shared:

Fiction Friday: Mercy’s Shore Chapter 11Book recommendation: Kitchen Confidential by Anthony Bourdain. A story of loving food, working in restaurants, and traveling the world.

Now It’s Your Turn

What have you been watching, reading, listening to, writing, or doing? Let me know in the comments.

Fiction Friday: Mercy’s Shore Chapter 11

This is a continuing/serial story. I share a chapter a week and at the end of the story, and after I edit and rewrite, I self-publish it. To catch up with the story click HERE. To read the rest of the books in this series click HERE.

Chapter 11

Judi had vowed not to ask Ben any more about his daughter. Her brutal curiosity about the personal lives of others was a flaw she’d told herself she would work on when she left the city.

After their conversation, she’d managed to get the letter typed, despite almost forgetting how to, since she hadn’t typed more than a text since her high school business class. He’d thanked her for her help and then told her she could go home early. He had a headache, he’d said.

While she previously would have simply skipped out of the office, excited to head off to a club or a party, she found herself fighting mixed emotions. One of those emotions was depression over the fact she really had nowhere to go except back to her apartment. The other emotion was guilt. If it wasn’t for her, he wouldn’t be dealing with these reoccurring headaches, and he’d probably be able to drive to his daughter’s birthday party.

She really hadn’t seen him coming that day on the road, but, well, she had sort of glided through the stop sign. She wouldn’t have glided if she had seen him buzzing down the road toward her, however. It wasn’t like he was completely innocent either. He had been driving much faster than he should have been.

Standing by her car, her thumb on the unlock button on the key fob, she sighed and hesitated. Ben had been nice enough to give her a job, which though part time, had helped her not have to be at Lonny’s as often. He seemed to be going through a rough patch, and like her was trying to keep himself clean and sober.

She didn’t want to go back to drinking and she had a feeling he didn’t either. Maybe she should make sure he was okay, lift some pressure from his shoulders a little.

He visibly jumped from where he was standing at the filing cabinets behind her desk when she walked back in. “I thought you were heading out.”

“I was, but I thought I should check on you.”

Ben eyed her with what she felt was suspicion, though she couldn’t be sure since he often looked suspicious, which she imagined was because he was a lawyer.

“Uh. Okay. Well, I’m fine.”

“You say you’re fine, but you’ve had a lot going on. I mean, you’ve got brain damage and —”

“Brain swelling, Judi. A concussion. Would you stop saying I have brain damage?”

“Right. Anyhow, you’ve got that and now you can’t go to your daughter’s birthday party. and I feel like that’s my fault even though I totally didn’t see you coming that day.”

“I’ve told you already that I’m not upset about the accident any — wait.” Ben’s brows dipped and he placed his hands on his hips. Judi wasn’t sure what that pose meant but she didn’t think it could be good. “Were you listening in to my conversation?”

Oh. Right. She wasn’t supposed to know about the party.

She grimaced, closing her eyes. “Well, not exactly.” She slowly opened one eye to spy on the angry expression his face was now featuring. “Okay, so here is the thing — when I transferred Mr. Phillipi, I accidentally hit the speaker button. Then I was afraid to push it back off in case it beeped, and you thought I was listening in, but then I realized I was actually listening in so I shut it off, but before I did I heard something about a party.”

His expression relaxed slightly, but the suspicion had returned. “And you assumed it was a party for Amelia?”

“Yeah, if Amelia is your daughter’s name.” She waited for him to respond, but he didn’t. He simply stood there looking at her as if he was waiting for her to continue. “Soooo…is it a party for her?”

Ben folded his arms across his chest and leaned back against her desk. “It is. But as you heard, I can’t attend it because of the concussion.”

“Right.” Judi took a deep breath and stepped toward him. “That’s why I was thinking that maybe I could drive you to the party.”

Ben held a hand up. “Judi, no. Thank you, but no.”

“Why not? I promise I’ll be careful and drive better than usual.”

“It’s a four-hour drive for one thing.”

“So? I drove all the way here from the city. I know how to drive long distances.”

Ben sighed and shook his head as he turned toward his office. “Listen, I appreciate the offer, but I already told Adam I couldn’t make it, so it’s fine.” He shut his briefcase, picked it up, and shut the light off on his way out. “I sent him a check for her gift, so she’ll have something from me.”

“But don’t you want to see her?”

She knew as soon as she asked it, she shouldn’t have. Ben’s expression darkened as he walked toward the front door. “It isn’t that I don’t want to see her. It’s that Angie doesn’t want me to see her. Angie doesn’t want anything to do with me.” He pushed the door open and waited for her to walk through, then turned and locked it after she stepped out onto the sidewalk. “In fact, Angie specifically asked me not to be there.”

“Oh.”

She didn’t know what else to say, other than, “I’m sorry. Again. I seem to have this compulsion to ask too many questions and stick my nose way too far into other people’s business.” She shrugged her shoulders in a quick motion.

Ben pushed a hand back through his hair and held it there for a few seconds. “I really do appreciate you wanting to help. I know you mean well.”

Judi nodded and told him she’d see him tomorrow. In her car, she sat for a few minutes before pulling out to start the 20-minute drive home. Ben had said he didn’t want her help and maybe he didn’t, but she felt like he needed it. He needed someone to light a fire under him and get his life back in order.

He was going to regret not getting to know his daughter. Judi wasn’t even sure she wanted a family someday, but Ben? He seemed like the kind of guy who would fit into that kind of life. What he needed was a push in the right direction and if there was anything she liked, it was pushing people around.

***

Ben woke with a start. What time was it? The sun told him it was way past when he normally woke up. He fumbled for his alarm clock, squinted at it and groaned. 8:45. He should have been up an hour and a half ago. It was Judi’s day off and he should have been in to answer phones and — Wait. No. He rubbed a hand through his hair.

It wasn’t Friday. He’d already worked through Judi’s day off.

He fell back on the bed and squeezed his eyes shut against the sunlight. It was Saturday. He didn’t have to answer any phones, meet any clients, or even go anywhere. He pulled his feet up onto the bed and slid them under the covers, ready to go back to bed and ignore the buzz in his head from the sleep still lingering there.

Ten minutes later, though, he was woken up again with a crisp knock on his front door. He peeked an eye open and closed it again. Whoever it was would get the message and go away when he didn’t respond.

Two minutes later, there was another knock.

No way. He was not climbing out of his bed. The headache he’d had the night before had faded to a dull ache, but he still felt like he could sleep for another eight hours.

Four solid, louder knocks later, he finally crawled out of the bed and stumbled through the doorway of his bedroom, through the living room and to the front door. He propped his head against the wall next to the door and took a deep breath to try wake himself up before he opened the door.

When he opened it he wanted to close it again, but Judi was too quick. She breezed past him with two cups of coffee in a holder and a brown paper bag.

“Good morning!” she chirped cheerfully while he stood watching her with half open eyes.

“Yes. It’s morning. Good? Well, it was good before you woke me up.”

She sat the coffees and bag on the table and turned toward him. “Ooh. I thought you were a morning person. I guess not.”

He closed the door and staggered toward the kitchen table, flopping down into a chair and resting his head on the top of the table. “What are you doing here?” He lifted his head quickly. “Not only what are you doing here, but how did you find me?”

Judi popped the lid off her coffee and poured in creamer she pulled from the bag. She stirred it with a small stir stick. “Seriously? Burkett isn’t much bigger than Spencer. I asked around.” She sipped the coffee. “So what day is that birthday party?”

Ben rubbed a hand across his face. “Today. Why?”

“What time?”

“3 p.m. Why?”

Judi pulled a donut from the bag and bit into it. “Because deep down you want to be there and you want me to drive you.” She spoke around a mouthful of donut.

“No. Deep down I want for you to get out of my apartment so I can go back to sleep.”

Judi pulled the coffee from the carrier and set it down in front of him. “I’m going to drive you down to your daughter’s party.”

“I already told you I’m not going.”

“It’s 9:30. If you hurry up and get dressed, we can totally make it.”

Ben took the lid off the coffee and stood. He walked to the refrigerator and reached in for a bottle of creamer. “No way. I am not going anywhere with you. You’re a horrible driver.”

“Excuse me?” Judi scoffed, brushing donut crumbs off her hands. “I am not a horrible driver. That was a total accident, you know that.”

“Judi.” Ben poured the creamer in the coffee and sat back down at the table. “Go home.”

“Aren’t you going to stir that?”

Ben propped his chin on his hand and sipped the coffee. “I’m too tired to stir.”

Judi placed her hands on her hips. “You could have died in that accident you know.”

He quirked an eyebrow as he looked up at her. “I don’t know about that, but the doctor did say I could be learning to walk and talk again right now.” He sat back in the chair and folded his arms across his chest. “Thanks to you.”

“Didn’t you also say something about that doctor saying this was your second chance at life?”

Ben reached for the donut and broke it in half. “It’s strange you can remember all the things the doctor told me when you can’t remember to bring me files that I ask for or to finish typing up letters I need to send out.”

Judi sat at the table across from him. “Ben, you’re going to regret not getting to know your daughter.”

Ben shoved the half of donut in his mouth and stood, walking back toward the counter. “Go home, Judi.” He reached for a cup in a cupboard by the fridge and poured himself a glass of milk. “Thanks for the coffee and donuts, but, seriously, go home.”

“You need to go see your little girl. Don’t throw this opportunity away.”

“Judi!” Ben turned with the glass of milk in his hand. “This isn’t any of your business. I am asking you to —

“I want to help you, Ben. When I stopped drinking, I said I wanted to be a better person and this is one way I can be a better person. I can help you get your life back on track. My life is a disaster. I don’t have any friends left. My sister treats me like a lost puppy or one of her preschool students. My parents call me several times a day to make sure I haven’t fallen off the wagon. I’m pretty sure my sponsor thinks I’m already back on the bottle.”

Ben held a hand up. “I’m sorry your life is so messed up, but my life is fine, and I want to leave it that way.”

Judi huffed out an exasperated sigh. “But your life isn’t fine! You don’t have anything to do with the little girl you helped bring into the world and one day you’re going to regret it. I don’t want to live with regrets anymore. Do you?” She stood and stepped toward him. “You have a second chance to make things right, even if it is just —”

“Angie doesn’t want me involved in her life or our daughter’s life.” Ben hated how sharp his voice came out. He knew Judi was only trying to help and she was right, he didn’t want to have anymore regrets, but still  — He softened his voice. “I can’t just force myself into a situation she’s told me she doesn’t want me involved in.” He stepped back to the table and sat down and drank the rest of the milk. “Thank you for trying to help. Really. But I need to respect Angie’s wishes.”

Judi sat down with a heavy sigh and picked up the cup of coffee. “I thought you had some fight in you Ben Oliver.” She shrugged her shoulders. “Apparently, that’s not the case.”

Ben wasn’t about to tell Judi that he’d already had another phone call from Adam, asking him if he would reconsider coming to the party. Luckily the call had gone to his voicemail, and he hadn’t had to tell the man, again, he wasn’t going to come.

There had been something in Adam’s voice though. Something that made Ben think maybe he should take Judi up on her offer. A sudden thought made Ben’s stomach tighten. What if that “something” was related to Amelia. What if she was sick? Maybe Adam and Leona wanted to talk to him about that. Or what if it was Angie? Could something be wrong with Angie?

He raked a hand through his hair and growled softly. “Fine. I’ll go.”

Judi looked up from her coffee, startled. “Really?”

Ben shook his head as he walked toward his bedroom. “Yes, really. I’ll take a shower, get dressed and we’ll go.”

He couldn’t believe he was doing this and Judi’s squeal from his kitchen sent an annoyed shiver crawling up his spine. He had no idea how Angie was going to react to this visit, but he had a feeling it wasn’t going to be positive.

Book recommendation: Kitchen Confidential by Anthony Bourdain. A story of loving food, working in restaurants, and traveling the world.

Reading Kitchen Confidential by Anthony Bourdain was bittersweet because no matter what the ending of the book was, I already knew the ultimate ending of Bourdain’s story was not happy. The ending of his life, unlike the ending of this book, was not a look into what the future might hold for him. Instead, Bourdain’s future, sadly, stopped being something for him to look forward to when he committed suicide in 2018.

Maybe this is why I felt such sadness when I hit the end of the book. Not only were the fun stories now over, but I had to remember that Bourdain’s life is too. While reading the book, I could easily forget that he was no longer here to create more adventures for us to read about or watch on one of his many travel shows. He was alive in those pages, in his early days of cooking, in those first restaurants he worked in and learned his craft and fell in love with food in.  

This was Bourdain’s first non-fiction book and broke his career wide open. I read it in sections with a lot of breaks in between, not because it was boring, but because it was full of technical restaurant and foodie jargon that was sometimes a bit overwhelming but also very interesting. I was also distracted by a couple of other books during that time because sometimes I have book ADD and because there were times while I was reading it that I was in the mood for fiction rather than non-fiction.

If you are looking for a clean, polished view of the restaurant industry then this is not the book for you. This is a book that details sordid behind-the-scenes looks at what happens in the kitchens of some of the best, and worst, restaurants in the United States. It is not clean by any means, with plenty of swear words (but not so many your head spins, with the exception of one chapter, which I skipped because it was simply a liturgy of all the horrible things chefs and their staff say to, and call, each other, complete with all the four-letter words they use), several stories of eye widening debauchery, and plenty of references to drug use by Bourdain and many others. Thankfully, Bourdain had his drug abuse under control, other than alcohol, before this book was published and maybe before it was even written.

In Kitchen Confidential Bourdain writes about the many characters he worked with in the industry over the years, including those who eventually would serve as his sous chef (assistants), as well as the ins and outs of running a fine-dining, high-end restaurant. The book isn’t all memoir, however. He also has a section for those who want to know how to cook better at home and what tools they need to do so. Equally interesting is an entire section on why he loves food and what eating it and cooking it means to him. To him food itself, not only the act of creating with it, was (is) art.

Some of my favorite quotes from the book include:  

“Only one in four has a chance at making it…. And right there, I knew that if one of us was getting off dope, and staying off dope, it was going to be me. I was going to live. I was the guy.”

“Eric Ripert won’t be calling me for ideas on tomorrow’s fish special. But I’m simply not going to deceive anybody about the life as I’ve seen it.” (I like this quote because in the end Eric and he became very close friends. So close, it was Eric who found him in his hotel room after he hung himself.)

“We are, after all, citizens of the world – a world filled with bacteria, some friendly, some not so friendly. Do we really want to travel in hermetically sealed popemobiles through the rural provinces of France, Mexico and the Far East, eating only in Hard Rock Cafes and McDonald’s? Or do we want to eat without fear, tearing into the local stew, the humble taqueria’s mystery meat, the sincerely offered gift of a lightly grilled fish head? I know what I want. I want it all. I want to try everything once. I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt, Senor Tamale Stand Owner, Sushi-chef-san, Monsieur Bucket-head. What’s that feathered game bird, hanging on the porch, getting riper by the day, the body nearly ready to drop off? I want some.”

From his list of restaurant tips for consumers: “I won’t eat in a restaurant with filthy bathrooms. This isn’t a hard call. They let you see the bathrooms. If the restaurant can’t be bothered to replace the puck in the urinals or keep the toilets and floors clean, then just imagine what their refrigeration and work spaces look like. Bathrooms are relatively easy to clean. Kitchens are not.”

And: “If the restaurant is clean, the cooks and the waiters well groomed, the dining room busy, everyone seems to actually care about what they’re doing — not just trying to pick up a few extra bucks between headshots and auditions for Days of Our Lives, chances are you are in for a decent meal. The owner, chef, and a bored-looking waiter sitting at the front table chatting about soccer scores? Plumber walking through the dining room with a toilet snake? Bad signs.”

I loved this part about vegans: “Vegetarians, and their Hezbollah-like splinter-faction, the vegans, are a persistent irritant to any chef worth a damn. To me, life without veal stock, pork fat, sausage, organ meat, demi-glace, or even stinky cheese is a life not worth living.  Vegetarians are the enemy of everything good and decent in the human spirit, an affront to all I stand for, the pure enjoyment of food. The body, these waterheads imagine, is a temple that should not be polluted by animal protein. It’s healthier, they insist, though every vegetarian waiter I’ve worked with is brought down by any rumor of a cold. Oh, I’ll accommodate them, I’ll rummage around for something to feed them, for a ‘vegetarian plate’, if called on to do so. Fourteen dollars for a few slices of grilled eggplant and zucchini suits my food cost fine.”

“Lying in bed and smoking my sixth or seventh cigarette of the morning, I’m wondering what the hell I’m going to do today. Oh yeah, I gotta write this thing. But that’s not work, really, is it? It feels somehow shifty and . . . dishonest, making a buck writing.”

The book ends with final words that choked me up, because life came at Bourdain fast after this book thanks to his wit, great writing, and talent at inspiring people to want to know more about food and culture.

“I’ll be right here. Until they drag me off the line. I’m not going anywhere. I hope. It’s been an adventure. We took some casualties over the years. Things got broken. Things got lost. But I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.”

Where Bourdain thought he’d be when all was said and done wasn’t where he ended up when it really was all said and done. When he wrote the end of that book, he thought he’d be still on the line at the restaurant, still happy being there and maybe he would have been happy if he’d never left. Maybe he wouldn’t have been consumed by loneliness, depression, and a sense of detachment from those he loved. If he’d been home more, grounded either in his work or his family, maybe  . . . But who knows really.

Maybe his end still would have come the way it did, not with a bang like the kicking off of a career where he wrote about the culinary arts like in Kitchen Confidential but with a sad, heartbroken whimper not worthy of the full life he’d lived.

Sunday Bookends: Crazy week in so many ways

Welcome to Sunday Bookends where I ramble about what I’ve been reading, doing, watching, writing, and listening to.

What’s Been Occurring

Last week was one of the busiest weeks I’ve had in a very long time. For that reason, I am writing this while barely awake. What do you mean all my posts sound like I’m barely awake when I write them? Well, anyhow. . . The busy week started Sunday when we headed 40 minutes away to see Top Gun: Maverick for me and The Boy and one of his friends, and the Minions movie for The Husband, Little Miss, and some of her friends (and those friends’ dad and brother.). I went despite the fact I’d only had about four hours of sleep the night before. Maybe the day was so fun because I was barely awake. I’m not sure.

Because Minions ended before Top Gun, The Husband and the father of Little Miss’s friends took the other children to a park and playground across town. The Husband came back to pick us up and when he did the boys and I were outside the theater and I was looking through the Little Library they had by the front doors. I had just discovered there was another row behind the first row (It was bigger on the inside!) and had three books in the crook of my arm when he pulled up in the middle of the street and called, “Get in quick!” and grinned like he was driving a get away car. I bet he always wanted to do that.

I had to hurry and slide the safety pin back into the door latch to hold the door closed and take off with the books like I was some kind of thief before a car came up behind him. It was both humorous and sad. I escaped with two hard-cover Robert Galbraith books and a Robert Parker book. I felt horrible because the sign on the little library door said “take a book, leave a book.” I didn’t have a book to leave, but The Husband said he would take three down to replace the next time he has to go to a meeting in the town for work.

And then, when we went back to the park to play a little longer and pick up Little Miss, he snatched another book out of another Little Library. So now we owe the town four books. Sigh.

On Monday we went to my parents to spend the Fourth with them. All four of my immediate family jumped in the pool together, which is unusual. Usually, Little Miss and I are the ones who go in the pool and sometimes The Boy. This time we were all in and it was a lot of fun, even though The Boy ripped a hole in one of his toes, and a couple of days later we thought it was infected.

The Boy was also dealing with a horrific sore throat from the Thursday before until Tuesday when it disappeared right before we took him to the doctor to see if he might have an infection of some kind. On the Fourth he couldn’t even eat because swallowing was too painful.

This is the third time I have taken one of my children to the local doctor only to have their symptoms disappear the day I take them and be told there is nothing wrong with them. I’m beginning to worry this local doctor thinks I’m crazy, but this time it was The Boy who insisted on going because the pain had been so bad.

I was hoping for a break on Wednesday, but then I was reminded the local firemen’s carnival was being held almost two months earlier than normal because of a change in ride vendors. This is the largest fundraiser of the year for the small, volunteer fire department in the town my husband works in, and I went to school in. My friends and I traditionally attended this carnival every, or almost every, year when I was growing up. I’ll probably share a blog post later this week with some stories about our trips there.

There is a huge parade held on the first day of the carnival and Little Miss’s gymnastics school was walking in it. Her little friends were going to be in the parade so I thought she would enjoy going as well since this is her first year in gymnastics. I had to go a couple hours before the parade for decorating (which it turns out they actually didn’t do because the girls ended up just walking and not riding a float) and then to drop them off for line up.

I then went to The Husband’s office because he was rushing to take photos of the floats to be sure the photos and stories went into the next day’s newspaper. His newspaper is a weekly newspaper, and they usually have an earlier deadline to have their newspaper sent to the printer, but once a year they are provided with a later deadline to make sure coverage of the parade is in the next day.

Little Miss went to the carnival for about 30 minutes with her friends after the parade and then we staggered home for a day off (Thursday) before I drove 45 minutes south (yes..we seem to be 45 minutes away from everywhere) on Friday to pick up Little Miss’s friends so they could have a day to play. That day became a little weird when Little Miss drank some orange juice too fast while we were at my parents, told me her chest hurt and she was scared, and then briefly fainted, similar to how she fainted when she was bit by a non-venomous snake last Labor Day and we had to take her to the ER. We called an ambulance that day because she slammed her head off a table during her fainting spell and was completely out of it.

This time she slumped into the fridge, I grabbed her and held her, calling her name and she opened her eyes within 30 seconds and asked what happened. We sat in the floor for a bit because she said her legs were weak and shaking but within 15 minutes she was up and running around with her friends again.

She acted completely normal for the rest of the day but since she’s now fainted twice after stressful situations, we are going to be calling a doctor to have her checked out. This will probably be the fourth time I take her to the local doctor and have them tell me there is nothing wrong with her, but I’ll be fine with that this time.

I have read before that fainting is somewhat common in some children (I fainted once from low blood sugar and gave almost fainted many times), whose body sometimes reacts quite quickly to stress by dropping their heart rate and blood pressure. The scary thing is that her fainting spells happen so quickly. One minute she’s talking and the next she collapses to the floor. My mom compared her to a fainting goat and she’s right- it’s sort of what it is like.

What was even odder about Friday is that my dad started to black out while we were on our way to see some fireworks later in the day. I don’t know of any connection between the two incidents. My dad believes his was dehydration, but we weren’t sure, so I drove him home before the fireworks even started. Little Miss was disappointed because she and her friends had planned to jump in the bouncy house before the fireworks, but after her odd day, she was actually very tired. In the end, I don’t think she minded going back home.

On the way home, Dad started feeling better (after drinking a bottle of Gatorade) and we also saw four deer either standing very close to the road or in fields on four different occasions. The first deer, a doe, was standing on our side of the road, right on the edge, turned toward us and watching us as we drove by slowly (because I was honestly afraid she was going to jump out in front of us).

The second deer was in a wooded area with another deer laying next to her. I didn’t see the deer laying next to her, but Little Miss did. The third deer was a young buck, standing in a field close to the road. Little Miss didn’t see the buck so we actually circled around so we could show him to her and he was still there, chewing while he watched us. He had very short antlers, with one of them deformed. He was obviously a very young buck because he still had velvet on his short antlers. I wish I had been able to take a photograph of him, but I was driving and we were in the middle of a highway and I wasn’t sure when a car might come up behind us.

The fourth deer was running in a field, but also close to the road. The Boy also said he saw three wild turkeys while we were driving, but the rest of us missed those.

After my dad was back home, I called my brother to tell him about Dad. As if the incidents with Dad and Little Miss weren’t enough, while we were talking my brother’s nose started bleeding. I said a prayer over our family because it was starting to feel like a demonic attack!

What was odd about all the medical stuff happening to my family members is that I’m the one who usually has some weird medical episode when we go to an event or try to do something special. This time I was feeling fairly good and was actually very calm when Little Miss fainted and when my dad started to feel a little off. I’m going to say that the peace came both from praying and from the very small amount of CBD I started taking daily a couple of weeks ago.

Since we missed going to the carnival Friday night, I had to take another trip to it yesterday so Little Miss could jump in the bouncy house. It’s the only thing she’s asked to do recently and after watching her faint and fall into the fridge Friday, I wanted to let her have as much fun as possible.

Luckily her little friends were there then too so they were able to have fun together. The Boy’s two friends came as well so it was a nice day for the kids.

I’m hoping for a little bit of a more relaxed week this week, but there is a local VBS going on so…who knows what will happen. At least most of the stuff we did last week was fun (other than the fainting and almost fainting episodes). I think this is one of the longer “What’s Been Occurring” sections I’ve ever shared and, actually, I’m hoping future sections are much shorter. I’m tired, ya’ll.

What I’m Reading

Last night I finally finished Kitchen Confidential by Anthony Bourdain. I think I’ve been reading it two months or so, and to explain, it was not boring, it was simply a book full of a lot of a lot of technical kitchen and restauranter lingo and stories, which was sometimes overwhelming. I was also reading a couple of books for book tours while reading it, which delayed me finishing it. I am going to write a longe post about my impressions of it later this week.

I am still enjoying a leisurely read of Anne of the Island. I pick it up during more depressing or tough moments and read a chapter or two. I’m not in any hurry to finish it.

Last week I also started The Do Over by Bethany Turner. It is a romantic comedy and so far, I am enjoying it. I will most likely concentrate on it this week and maybe even finish it.

I hope to start one of the Dortmunder novels by Donald Westlake next week.

What I’m/We’re Watching/Watched

I mentioned already above, and in a separate blog post earlier in the week, that I watched Top Gun: Maverick. I presented my spoiler free impression of it HERE.

Later in the week, The Boy and I watched Jaws for fun. I had only seen parts of it in the past. We actually enjoyed it.

I started Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, but I wasn’t able to finish it before my rental ran out on Amazon so hope to watch it Monday or Tuesday.

The Husband and I watched a Brokenwood Mysteries one night, but he was busy all week with either work, play practice, or volunteering at the carnival.

We hope to watch Family Camp for our family movie next week since we ran out of time this week.

What I’m Writing

Last week I worked quite a bit on The Shores of Mercy.

On the blog I shared:

Fiction Friday: Mercy’s Shore Chapter 10Top Gun: Maverick Impressions (No Spoilers)Anne Shirley quotes and loving it when my daughter “gets” a character I “get”

Now It’s Your Turn

Your turn! What have you been doing, reading, watching, or listening to recently? Let me know in the comments.

Fiction Friday: Mercy’s Shore Chapter 10

This is a continuing/serial story. I share a chapter a week and at the end of the story, and after I edit and rewrite, I self-publish it. To catch up with the story click HERE. To read the rest of the books in this series click HERE.

Chapter 10

The day after the call from Adam, Ben thought about his conversation as he sat in the exam of the concussion specialist, waiting for the doctor to arrive. He’d offered Adam the chance to discuss anything with him over the phone, but Adam had abruptly changed directions, saying he would need to call Ben back at another time. Ben imagined Angie must have walked into the room at that moment. Whatever Adam had wanted to talk about, he apparently didn’t want Angie to hear it.

Ben hadn’t been lying when he said the doctor had cleared him to drive yet, but he still felt guilty for saying it, since he was hoping that clearance would come today. If it did, then he’d be cleared to attend the birthday party next week.

He needed that clearance for other reasons, though. He’d finally managed to convince his parents to let him stay at his apartment and walk to work but he’d need to be able to drive himself for upcoming appointments and court appearances.

His mom had driven him to this doctor appointment, and she could have driven him to the birthday party too, but he didn’t offer that suggestion when was talking to Adam. Angie had already made it clear that she didn’t want him there. He wasn’t going to go simply because Adam and Leona wanted him to. That could create all sorts of problems and ruin Amelia’s big day.

To ensure he wasn’t a total liar, Ben decided he’d ask the doctor if he could drive that far, if at all.

“Mr. Oliver hello.” The doctor walked in quickly, flicked a light next to the X-ray display on the wall in front of him and snapped two X-rays in place. He turned and held his hand out. “How are we doing today?”

Ben shook his hand. “Okay, I guess. I’m hoping you’ll tell me I’m doing better than I think.”

The doctor grinned and sat on the stool next to the X-ray machine, facing Ben. “I wish I could tell you that you’re back to a hundred percent, but I’m guessing that based on the symptoms you’re having you already know that’s not the case.”

Ben’s shoulders slumped slightly. “Yeah. I’m better but definitely not all the way there yet. The headaches are still frequent.”

“How about the vision and your cognitive skills?”

“Better than it was, that’s for sure.” Ben rubbed a hand across his face then across the back of his neck, letting his hand rest there. “But not back to normal by any means. I guess this means I’m not going to be cleared to drive yet.”

The doctor cocked an eyebrow, folding his arms across his chest. “Still having blurry vision? Dizzy spells?”

“Here or there.”

The doctor shook his head. “I wouldn’t recommend driving then.”

“Even shorter distances?”

“Can you have a dizzy spell, drive off the road, and hit a tree again even driving a short distance?”

Ben laughed softly. “Well, yes, but —”

The doctor tipped his head, looking over his glasses. He smiled. “Then, again, I wouldn’t recommend it.”

If the doctor wasn’t recommending even driving small distances, then a four-hour drive was definitely out of the question.

The doctor unfolded his arms and propped his hands on his knees. “Look, Mr. Oliver, I know this recovery is taking a lot more time than you’d like it to. I know that you’d like to speed things along, but you just can’t with an injury like this. Your brain needs time to heal and the more you push it, the longer it’s going to take.”

“But you don’t really know how long it will take?”

“I wish I did. I mean, we are seeing improvement so hopefully, soon, maybe six weeks or so, you’ll be almost back to normal. Realistically, though, this process could take as long as a year.”

Ben winced.

The doctor gestured toward the X-rays. “Listen, you’re really lucky. I don’t know if you even realize how lucky. If you’d hit your head any harder and a few inches to the left, we’d be looking at you learning to walk and talk again. Mr. Oliver, my recommendation is to take it easy but also to go live your life. You’ve been given a second chance whether it seems like it or not. Take advantages of that.” He stood. “Just do it with a little bit of a caution for the next few weeks.”

Ben fielded the questions from his mom on the way back to the office, and got the same from Judi soon after he walked in the door.

“So, what’s the verdict? Still have brain damage?”

Ben glared at Judi over a cup of coffee. “Very funny. It’s not brain damage. It’s brain swelling. And yes, there are still some issues but hopefully it will be better soon.” He added more creamer to the coffee then held the container up. “Where did this creamer come from? I just usually use —”

“Plain, boring stuff. I know. I thought you could use a little flavor.”

Ben shook his head and chuckled as he stirred the creamer in. “Okay. If you say so. Did I get any calls while I was gone?”

“Yes, and I transferred two to your voicemail, but the other guy said he wanted me to take the message because you never respond to voicemails.”

Ben rolled his eyes. “Let me guess, his name was Patrick Wenbrook.”

Judi looked at the notes she’d taken. “Yes. I guess you’ve dealt with him before.”

“Many times. I’m guessing this is about the property issue.”

Judi nodded as she read from the notes. “Neighbor isn’t abiding by the agreement drawn. He’s ready to get the police involved. He wants you to serve more orders for his neighbor to cease and desist building the barn near his property line.”

Ben pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger and squeezed his eyes shut. “I’ve told him before that I don’t serve anything. He’s going to have to get the police involved at this point. I’m not trained to deal with six foot three 280-pound farmers who could break my neck with one hand. I just write letters and cite law and take people to court.”

He took the piece of paper Judi handed him with the man’s phone number on it. “Thanks. I’ll give him a call.”

When he walked into his office he flopped back into the chair and then sat up straight when he noticed Amelia’s photo laying in the center of his desk on a stack of papers.

 “Hey, Judi? Can you come in here?”

Judi walked to the doorway and leaned against it and for the first he noticed the hot pink boots she was wearing that matched a black skirt trimmed in pink that fell a couple inches above her knees.

“Yes, boss?”

Ben made a face. “First, never call me that. Second, do you know how this photo got here? You weren’t looking through my stuff, were you?”

Judi frowned. “Really? If you think I would go through your private stuff while you were gone then why would you even ask me to work here?”

Ben let out a breath. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it come out like that. It’s just — well, usually this photo is in my brief case so I —”

Judi folded her arms across her chest. “I found it inside a case folder for a Michael Henderson versus Veronica Henderson. The one you wanted me to get the address from for that letter you wanted to draft.”

“Oh. Right.” Ben rubbed the back of his thumb across his forehead. “I’m sorry. It must have slid in there when the file was in my briefcase. I took that home last night to read over.” He winced. “I shouldn’t have accused you like that. I really didn’t think you were doing anything wrong, I just wondered how it got here.”

Judi shrugged a shoulder. “It’s okay. You have brain damage, so I’ll cut you some slack.”

Ben narrowed his eyes at her while she flipped a strand of blond hair over her shoulder.

“I don’t know, she sort of looked like you, so I thought maybe she was a niece and wasn’t supposed to be in the folder,” she said. “So, I tossed it back on your desk.”

Ben propped his elbows on the desk and folded his hands, glancing at the photo. “Right. Okay. Well, thank you for leaving it with me. I appreciate it.”

Judi didn’t leave though. She propped a hand on her hip and leaned her side against the door frame. “So, is she a niece? I don’t know your siblings very well, but I didn’t know they had kids yet.”

Ben wanted the conversation to end. Why had he even asked her to come in? He could lie and tell her his brothers did have a child, but he didn’t want to start that rumor. His brother might be younger than him, but he was also bigger, and Ben really didn’t want to risk anymore bruises or concussions.

“No, she’s not a niece.” He should leave it at that and just tell Judi to get back to work. Still, something in him wanted to claim this little girl as his, even though he had no right to. He swallowed a mouthful of coffee and cleared his throat. “She’s my daughter.”

Judi’s response was more subdued than he expected but still conveyed surprise. “Oh. Well, that’s something I didn’t know.”

Ben opened his brief case and placed the photo in the inside pocket again. “Most people around here don’t.”

“Who’s her mom?”

Even though Ben was starting to get used to Judi’s blunt manner, he still didn’t enjoy it.

He glanced at her over the edge of his coffee cup. “Angie.”

“Oh. So, like —”

“Don’t you have a letter to type into the computer for me?”

Judi smiled. “Oh. Right. Sorry.” She stepped back a couple of steps, but then stopped, her brow dipped. “But are you two together?”

“Go type up the letter, Jude.”

She scowled at him with pursed lips. “I don’t like the name Jude.”

A small smile tugged at Ben’s mouth. “I don’t like being asked personal questions.”

Judi sighed and turned back toward her desk. “Okay. Okay. Be that way.” She looked over her shoulder. “For what it’s worth, she’s a beautiful little girl.”

Warmth spread up Ben’s throat into his face and he was sure pink had spread across his skin. Amelia was beautiful, but he’d had very little to do with that. Accepting a compliment for something he’d had no control over felt wrong somehow. Still, he appreciated that Judi was trying to be nice. “Thanks. She takes after her mom, thankfully.”

He noticed tension pulling at his shoulders and neck as Judi left. He sat back in his chair. He wished he hadn’t told her who Amelia was. At the same time, it felt good to say the words out loud.

“She’s my daughter,” he whispered the words again and tipped his head back against the top of the chair.

In some ways saying those words was like having a burden lifted off his shoulders, while in other ways it was like one had been put on.