Lisa R. Howeler's Blog, page 125

Randomly Thinking: The Non-Existent Logic of 80s Television and other Random Thoughts

Welcome to my random thoughts post. Continue at your own risk.

***

My husband and I have been watching a lot of 80s television the last few weeks and have realized something. There wasn’t a lot of logic in 1980s television.

One show we watched was Hart to Hart, which was a show about a billionaire couple who became detectives of sorts. It starred Robert Wagner and Stefanie Powers.

I watched Hart to Hart a couple of times as a kid at my good friend’s house. Her mother loved that show.

During the episode we watched, there was a burglar on their property and Mrs. Hart called the police. My husband was like, “He’s a billionaire with a private art collection and he doesn’t have private security?”

Later, she was kidnapped and Mr. Hart and a cop drive to rescue her. My husband said, “You’re telling me a rich white woman from Bel-Air is kidnapped and they only send one cop to rescue her?”

As we watched Mr. Hart try to rescue Mrs. Hart and she whined and whimperd the whole time I said, “Gosh, I never remember her being this whiny.”

Watching Mr. Hart fall after getting knocked out, he said, “I never remembered him being so useless.”

Later we watched TJ Hooker (with William Shatner) and wow. Talk about some bad acting and bad premises. Not only that but cop cars were always blowing up in that show. I said, “Wow. Those cars exploded on impact. They must have had some horrible gas tanks. Horrible safety ratings on them.”

Him: “Like riding in a death trap.”

***

One day a couple of weeks ago, I spent a half an hour trying to figure out if a woman and man on a creative marketing campaign on instagram for a clothing store were a couple or not. The advertising campaign features a woman talking about her “hot boss.” The accounts of the people in the photos and videos are linked in the description so I looked at their Instagram accounts and deteremined three things. One, the girls boss is indeed very hot, two, I’m pretty sure the two are actually dating, and three, I really need a life.

***

The New York Times (which I never read because it’s so biased one way now) featured a columnist last week that urged people to stop thinking for themselves because it is creating “misinformation.” Um…1984 anyone? I think you need to re-read the book and then you need to question everything you hear, read, think, and believe. NOW. This won’t sound very Christian but screw the New York Times. There’s a reason the national media doesn’t want you to question and you should question why that is.

***

Various sleep issues with Little Miss, horrible dry sinuses and dry skin over the last few weeks have me Googling things like, “can an adult survive on six hours of sleep a night?”

Or, “How little sleep can a person get before they just die?”

Luckily, Little Miss is starting to sleep better and I discovered a cream for severe dry skin that is helping that issue. Saline spray helps the dry sinuses and when all else fails I pop a magnesium glycinate and it helps me fall asleep.

***

I picked up a dry erase board to use for my daughter’s handwriting lessons and my kids were fascinated with it for some reason. They were taking turns drawing photos on it. At one point my son asked my daughter is she had drawn a marijuana plant. After I smacked him upside the head (that’s a joke. I didn’t do that but I did tell him she doesn’t need to know about pot at 6-years old), he drew a picture and she said, “Oh, is that from the marijuana movie?”

The Boy said, “When did you see a marijuana movie?!”

After a few moments we finally figured out she meant the “Moana movie.”

Good grief. I’m never telling my son about where hemp comes from again.

***

I was recently looking at old journal entries from my digital journal when I found this tidbit from 2019:

“At bedtime by children become dehydrated philosophers in need of a hug,” someone shared on Facebook recently.

My children become philosophers and searches of knowledge when they should be sleeping.

What’s a hurricane? She asked at 10:45 at night, on a day she’d skipped her naps.

I told her and she threw in extra questions as I talked.

“It spins in the ocean and -“

“Like me when I get dizzy? Because I can spin real fast and then I get dizzy.”

“Yes, Like you when you spin and get dizzy.”

From there we somehow ended up at a conversation about lightening storms and how lightning strikes can hit a forest and cause a fire.

***

I also apparently saved some weird texts I sent to my husband in there.

I mean I feel like sick sick and not just hormones or thyroid crap. I’m going to ramble some more about what I mean by sick sick. Then I’ll record Grace telling me this really long story about the huge booger she pulled out of her nose and all the snot that was stuck behind it and how she “pulled a Jonathan” because of how long the snot was down her arm. And how she used a towel to wipe it off but she doesn’t know which towel so in the laundry room is a random snot covered towel right now.

***

My son jumped off the bank infront of our house into a pile of snow, which he’d done a few times without incident. This time he jumped and our dog followed him and landed on his head and knocked his head down into his chest.

He fell over sideways into the driveway and at first I thought he’d broken something. After a few moments, I was pretty sure he was pretending but he still wasn’t moving so I said, “Hey? You okay?”

My daughter was making a snowball and she glanced at him briefly, then back at the snowball, clearly unconcerned.

“He’s breathing,” she said with little emotion. “He’s fine.”

***

So those are my random thoughts for this week. What are yours? Let me know in the comments.

Sunday Bookends: Finished Books, More Cold Weather, Lighter Show for a Heavy Week

Welcome to my weekly post where I write about what I’m reading, watching, listening to (sometimes), writing, and what I’ve been up to lately. Spoiler alert: I’m not usually up to much at all, but sometimes I read some good books or watch a good show or two.

What I’m Reading

This week I finished two books (which is unusual for me). I finished ‘Til I Want No More by Robin W. Pearson early in the week and you can find the review for that HERE.

I finished Harriet Beamer Takes The Bus by Joyce Magnin yesterday and I enjoyed it even though it was not the best “written” book. It read a little bit like a list of what Harriet did and said instead of a book. It was an interesting premise and story, though so I kept going simply because I wanted to find out if Harriet made it to her son’s in California.

The description of the book:
Aging and recent widow Harriet Beamer insists she’s getting along fine with her dog Humphrey in Philadelphia … until she falls for the fourth time, injuring her ankle, and causing her son and daughter-in-law to cry foul. Insisting Harriet move in with them in California, they make a bet that her ankle is broken, and she foolishly promises to move if they’re right. Four x-rays later, Harriet’s ankle—and her heart—are broken. She packs up, ships her huge salt and pepper collection to California, and prepares to move away from the only life she knows. The only catch? She’s doing it her way. Just wait till her daughter-in-law hears Harriet will travel cross country only by public transportation and alternate means. What follows is a hilarious, heartwarming journey by train, metro bus, ferry, and motorcycle. Along the way, Harriet discovers that although her family thinks it’s time for her to be put out to pasture—God has a different plan.

I don’t know if I will review the book for the blog but it did give me some ideas for future blog posts about life, what our callings are, and the fact we often need to just go for it more in life than we do.

For this week, I plan to keep reading Sweeter by Jere Steele, an indie author I met on Instagram.

I also hope to start at new Longmire book by Craig Johnson (this is so different from what I normally read. I always imagine someone reading my blog would be like, “Really? You read light Christian fiction or Christian romances and then you read Longmire?” Yeah. I’m odd sometimes. I’m probably more comfortable with the Christian fiction, but I have a soft spot for Walt too, even if his partner has a pottymouth.). I’m on the second book in the series, Death Without Company.

I am also going to read some of How to Destroy America in Three Easy Steps by Ben Shapiro to lighten up the mood a bit (har. har.).

My daughter and I are reading Stormy: Misty’s Foal by Marguerite Henry every night before bed. She’s so excited to hear the story she’s even started asking to go to bed early so we can read it. I read it to her from the Kindle.

And of course my son and I are still slogging through Lord of the Flies and getting more depressed by the minute as it reminds us of society today and how given similar circumstances we are very certain adults would slaughter each other the same way these boys are about to.

What I’m Watching

My husband and I started And Then There Were None, a mini-series from the BBC based on Agatha Christie’s book by the same name this week.

Actually, the book was originally called Ten Little Indians and before that it was called Ten Little N-Word. I kid you not. My husband found out that bit of trivia this past week. No idea how that lady hasn’t been canceled by the “woke mob” yet but glad she hasn’t been because her stories are very intriguing . The book was called Ten Little N-word because that is the name of a poem the book is based around. The text has since been changed to say the poem is called Ten Little Soldiers. I read this week that the idea behind the use of the word that we find very offensive in this country was used to convey that the British had a fear of other races and the unknown, not necessarily to show that Christie herself felt it was right to have a poem about killing black people. I have completely digressed, however, so back to rambles about what we are watching.

We took a break from the episodes because it is a pretty heavy storyline and we needed some lighter things to watch this week after stressful news in the world and at my husband’s job.

Lighter fare for our viewing pleasure included The Muppets, which are now on Disney Plus, Murdoch Mysteries, and Still Standing, which is a non-fiction show about small towns in Canada that are struggling financially but thriving on heart. I aslo started The Moonstone, another BBC Miniseries about a stolen jewel and Victorian people and swooning and yadda, yadda. It’s pretty good so far.

What I’m Writing

I am writing blog posts but haven’t shared them yet and I am also writing The Farmer’s Son for the blog and simply to write it. I’m also adding more to The Librarian and this week The Farmer’s Daughter releases on Kindle and Barnes and Noble.

What I’m Listening To

I listened to part of a sermon by Robert Morris from Gateway Church in Dallas, Texas live last night and hope to hear the rest of it on the rebroadcast today.

I’ve been listening to a political/Christian podcast by Allie B. Stuckey called Relatable, but usually can’t get through it because all the political news is so depressing and overwhelming.

Music wise I’ve been hopping all over. One night this week my husband and I shared all the music we listened to in the 90s and early 2000s, which included a mix of Christian and Country music. We took turns casting YouTube videos to the TV while our son looked rather horrified at some of it.

Here is a sampling of a few of the artists we watched:

What’s Been Occuring

It has been another week of not leaving the house thanks to more snow and ice. We still have about a foot and a half of snow on the ground and received about six inches more this week, but not the 18 inches more we originally thought we might get.

The kids ventured out a couple of days to go sledding and attempt to build snowmen, but they ended up not staying out very long because the temperature was so bitter cold.

It is supposed to warm up some this next week so either this snow is going to melt off nice and slow or it’s going to fill up our basement with water. We will see which happens. All I know is that under the snow is probably four to five inches of hard ice so this should be interesting.

Hopefully it doesn’t sound like I am complaining about the snow and ice. This is the North and we know we will have tough winter weather at times. It has been difficult to have the snow around for so long but we are grateful we are better prepared for it than some, like those in Texas. Please pray for the people of that as they start to recover from the horrible cold and ice.

So that’s my week in review. How was your week? Read any good books? Watch anything good? Listen to anything good? Let me know in the comments.you can’t his

Sunday Bookends: Finished Books,

Welcome to my weekly post where I write about what I’m reading, watching, listening to (sometimes), writing, and what I’ve been up to lately. Spoiler alert: I’m not usually up to much at all, but sometimes I read some good books or watch a good show or two.

What I’m Reading

This week I finished two books (which is unusual for me). I finished ‘Til I Want No More by Robin W. Pearson early in the week and you can find the review for that HERE.

No I finished Harriet Beamer Takes The Bus by Joyce Magnin yesterday and I enjoyed it even though it was not the best “written” book. It was an interesting premise and story so I kept going simply because I wanted to find out if Harriet made it to her son’s in California.

The description of the book:
Aging and recent widow Harriet Beamer insists she’s getting along fine with her dog Humphrey in Philadelphia … until she falls for the fourth time, injuring her ankle, and causing her son and daughter-in-law to cry foul. Insisting Harriet move in with them in California, they make a bet that her ankle is broken, and she foolishly promises to move if they’re right. Four x-rays later, Harriet’s ankle—and her heart—are broken. She packs up, ships her huge salt and pepper collection to California, and prepares to move away from the only life she knows. The only catch? She’s doing it her way. Just wait till her daughter-in-law hears Harriet will travel cross country only by public transportation and alternate means. What follows is a hilarious, heartwarming journey by train, metro bus, ferry, and motorcycle. Along the way, Harriet discovers that although her family thinks it’s time for her to be put out to pasture—God has a different plan.

I don’t know if I will review the book for the blog but it did give me some ideas for future blog posts about life, what our callings are, and the fact we often need to just go for it more in life than we do.

For this week, I plan to keep reading Sweeter by Jere Steele, an indie author I met on Instagram.

I also hope to start at new Longmire book by Craig Johnson (this is so different from what I normally read. I always imagine someone reading my blog would be like, “Really? You read light Christian fiction or Christian romances and then you read Longmire?” Yeah. I’m odd sometimes. I’m probably more comfortable with the Christian fiction, but I have a soft spot for Walt too, even if his partner has a pottymouth.). I’m on the second book in the series, Death Without Company.

I am also going to read some of How to Destroy America in Three Easy Steps by Ben Shapiro to lighten up the mood a bit (har. har.).

My daughter and I are reading Stormy: Misty’s Foal by Marguerite Henry every night before bed. She’s so excited to hear the story she’s even started asking to go to bed early so we can read it. I read it to her from the Kindle.

And of course my son and I are still slogging through Lord of the Flies and getting more depressed by the minute as it reminds us of society today and how given similar circumstances we are very certain adults would slaughter each other the same way these boys are about to.

What I’m Watching

My husband and I started And Then There Were None, a mini-series from the BBC based on Agatha Christie’s book by the same name this week.

Actually, the book was originally called Ten Little Indians and before that it was called Ten Little N-Word. I kid you not. My husband found out that bit of trivia this past week. No idea how that lady hasn’t been canceled by the “woke mob” yet but glad she hasn’t been because her stories are very intriguing . The book was called Ten Little N-word because that is the name of a poem the book is based around. The text has since been changed to say the poem is called Ten Little Soldiers. I read this week that the idea behind the use of the word that we find very offensive in this country was used to convey that the British had a fear of other races and the unknown, not necessarily to show that Christie herself felt it was right to have a poem about killing black people. I have completely digressed, however, so back to rambles about what we are watching.

We took a break from the episodes because it is a pretty heavy storyline and we needed some lighter things to watch this week after stressful news in the world and at my husband’s job.

Lighter fare for our viewing pleasure included The Muppets, which are now on Disney Plus, Murdoch Mysteries, and Still Standing, which is a non-fiction show about small towns in Canada that are struggling financially but thriving on heart. I aslo started The Moonstone, another BBC Miniseries about a stolen jewel and Victorian people and swooning and yadda, yadda. It’s pretty good so far.

What I’m Writing

I am writing blog posts but haven’t shared them yet and I am also writing The Farmer’s Son for the blog and simply to write it. I’m also adding more to The Librarian and this week The Farmer’s Daughter releases on Kindle and Barnes and Noble.

What I’m Listening To

I listened to part of a sermon by Robert Morris from Gateway Church in Dallas, Texas live last night and hope to hear the rest of it on the rebroadcast today.

I’ve been listening to a political/Christian podcast by Allie B. Stuckey called Relatable, but usually can’t get through it because all the political news is so depressing and overwhelming.

Music wise I’ve been hopping all over. One night this week my husband and I shared all the music we listened to in the 90s and early 2000s, which included a mix of Christian and Country music. We took turns casting YouTube videos to the TV while our son looked rather horrified at some of it.

Here is a sampling of a few of the artists we watched:

What’s Been Occuring

It has been another week of not leaving the house thanks to more snow and ice. We still have about a foot and a half of snow on the ground and received about six inches more this week, but not the 18 inches more we originally thought we might get.

The kids ventured out a couple of days to go sledding and attempt to build snowmen, but they ended up not staying out very long because the temperature was so bitter cold.

It is supposed to warm up some this next week so either this snow is going to melt off nice and slow or it’s going to fill up our basement with water. We will see which happens. All I know is that under the snow is probably four to five inches of hard ice so this should be interesting.

Hopefully it doesn’t sound like I am complaining about the snow and ice. This is the North and we know we will have tough winter weather at times. It has been difficult to have the snow around for so long but we are grateful we are better prepared for it than some, like those in Texas. Please pray for the people of that as they start to recover from the horrible cold and ice.

So that’s my week in review. How was your week? Read any good books? Watch anything good? Listen to anything good? Let me know in the comments.you can’t his

Book Review: ‘Til I Want No More by Robin W. Pearson

Book description:

When the man she loved years ago returns to town, one young woman’s complicated past rises again, threatening to expose her well-kept secrets.

If Maxine could put her finger on the moment when her life went into a tailspin, she would point back twenty years to the day her daddy died. She tells herself he’s the only person who ever really knew and loved her, and if he hadn’t left her behind, her future would’ve taken a different path. No absentee mother, no stepfather, no rebellious ripping and running during her teenage years. And no JD, who gave her wandering young heart a home, at least for a time.

But that’s over and done with. All grown-up now, Maxine has pledged her heart and ring finger to Theodore Charles, the man she’ll promise to love, honor, and obey in front of God and everybody. At least that’s what she’s telling anybody who will listen. The only folks buying it are the dog and the readers of her column, however. Her best friend and family aren’t having it―not even Celeste, the double bass–playing thirteen-year-old the community of Mount Laurel, North Carolina, believes is Maxine’s adopted sister. And apparently, neither is the newly returned JD, who seems intent on toppling Maxine’s reconstructed life. As her wedding day marches ever closer, Maxine confronts what it means to be really known and loved by examining what’s buried in her own heart and exposing truth that has never seen the light of day.

A Christian fiction novel with a poignant story of romance, a search for truth, and a journey to redemption. For fans of Chris Fabry, Lauren Denton, and Charles Martin.

Book review:

After reading A Long Time Comin’ last year, I had been anticipating Robin’s new book and it did not disappoint. Robin is a wonderful writer who pulls you right into her character’s world. This story is a story of forgiveness, not only for others but accepting God’s forgiveness and love for ourselves.

I enjoyed the story of Maxine, but I do need to be honest — I did not take to Maxine the way I did Granny B or Evelyn in A Long Time Comin’. I don’t know why! It was fun to run into Evelyn again in this book since she was Maxine’s best friend. To me, Maxine was a very immature and selfish 30-year-old, but then, again, I’ve got a lot of immaturity and selfishness in me as well and I’m quite a bit older. Of course, that’s the point of this story – that there is some of Maxine in all of us.

Maxine, a columnist for a small Christian magazine, is supposed to be getting married, but she has a big secret and at first, I found it insanely naive and selfish of her to believe she was going to marry “her Theodore” without him one day finding out a very, very big secret from her past. If she didn’t feel comfortable sharing this with him before they were married, then I couldn’t figure out how she thought she was going to have a strong marriage. The marriage was going to be built on a foundation of lies. But, of course, that’s the point of Maxine’s journey – learning to unravel the lies and pain and face them.

I also found some of her responses to him after he found out very selfish and uncaring, but I’m not sure she really meant to be that way – just matter of fact about it all. She’s a to-the-point lady in many ways (except when it comes to discussing her past of course. Much like so many of us!)

Maxine works through some of her internal struggle through the columns she writes for the magazine and as a writer myself I was amazed by how Robin managed to write several columns by Maxine in addition to the story. To move your mind from fiction to non-fiction piece within a fictional novel requires a great deal of talent, in my humble opinion. Of course, a great deal of talent is indeed what Robin possesses.

While I did love the characters of the book and the overall story, I will admit that I wasn’t a huge fan of how another member of the family learned of the secret, and the ending left things hanging a bit for me, but only because I wanted more! I’m hopeful we might hear a little more about Maxine and her family in the future, maybe in another book. Otherwise, I will simply allow my imagination to fill in what happened after the book.

Please do not take any comments here about my feelings about Maxine as complaints about Robin’s writing. They are definitely not that. I feel Robin did a wonderful job describing Maxine’s predicament and her reluctance to deal with it, but I was having a hard time having sympathy for Maxine for part of the book because, in the beginning, she was so stinking stubborn about it all and about accepting her past mistakes as her decision and instead seemed to blame others. The fact I feel so strongly about Maxine’s faults, for lack of a better word, is a testament to what a strong writer Robin is. She really pulled me into Maxine’s journey.

 I think Robin wrote Maxine as stubborn for a reason and it isn’t as if Maxine doesn’t redeem herself or that her character doesn’t develop throughout the book. She does both of these things, but not in a cookie-cutter way, which is much more realistic than many books in this genre.

Her character growth is messy, complex, and doesn’t have a cute little bow on it.

That’s real life and that’s what Robin writes so well.

I definitely recommend this book for its messages of forgiveness, redemption, and healing. I can’t wait to see what else Robin writes!

Fiction Friday: The Farmer’s Son Chapter 3 Part 1

I was too wrapped this past week with last minute changes and corrections to The Farmer’s Daughter before publishing it next week to sit down and work on The Farmer’s Son much this week. Hopefully, I’ll have more time this upcoming week. I did have this short part I could share.

To catch up on the rest of the story, click HERE. If you were a reader of The Farmer’s Daughter on here , I’m offering a limited amount of ebooks for free. Let me know in the comments or via the contact form if you are interested.

The day Jason came into the store after he came back from college, Ellie couldn’t take his eyes off of him.

Had he been working out? Even more than before he left for college?

She shouldn’t be looking at him, right? Was she lusting? They’d just talked about this at Bible study.

She took a deep breath, closed her eyes briefly, then opened them again to take in the full view of him.

She wasn’t lusting. She was simply . . .she pulled her lip between her front teeth, then released it again . . . admiring God’s handiwork.

She’d seen Jason over Christmas break a few months before, but his biceps seemed even larger, even more well-toned now. There were light brown whiskers along his jawline and that coupled with the faded blue jeans, a nicely fitting gray T-shirt and a blue and white checkered flannel shirt gave him a rugged, should-be-on-the-front-of-GQ vibe.

Standing across the store, close to the new display of spring flowers, he was talking to his Uncle Walt, one hand on his hip as he gestured with the other.

Ellie was mesmerized.

She felt like she was in high school again, wishing he’d look her way, flash her one of his drop-dead gorgeous smiles.

A customer had stepped to the counter, stepping into her line of sight, blocking her view temporarily.

After the customer left, Jason was gone. Disappointment settled like a hard rock in the center of Ellie’s chest. It really was like high school again.

“Hey.”

She’d gasped and turned, almost slamming into him as he stepped from the back office area.

“Sorry.”

He’d smiled. That smile. The smile she’d wanted to see.

He leaned one side against the doorframe, crossed his arms across his chest, “Didn’t mean to startle you, but didn’t want to miss the chance to say ‘hello’ either.”

Warmth spread from her chest to the top of her head, and she giggled.

Good grief. This was ridiculous.

She’d dated Jason from her senior year of high school up until two years ago. It wasn’t like he was someone she didn’t know. She knew him. Very well. And she wanted to know him very well again.

They’d started chatting until another customer came and then he’d left, saying he’d stop by again the next day.

He did stop by the next day.

And the day after that until he finally asked if she’d like to go to the movies.

She’d agreed and their relationship was on again, almost as if they hadn’t taken that two-year break starting at the beginning of his junior year of college.

“You all there, kid?”

“Hmm?”

Ellie looked up from the cow’s udder she’d been cleaning, pulled out of her memories.

Her dad grinned.

“I told you Patrick will be here soon, so you don’t have to help if you have somewhere to be.”

“Oh. No. It’s no problem. My mind just wandered a little.”

“To anywhere important?”

Ellie laughed softly. “Just  . . . life stuff, I guess you’d say.”

Thomas Lambert nodded at his daughter, but his brow furrowed as he looked at her. “Hey, are — uh — things okay with you and Jason?”

Ellie stood and faced him. “They’re fine. Why?”

“No reason. I mean, you’ve just seemed quiet since you came back from your date with him the other night.”

Ellie wiped her hands and stepped around to reach for the milking attachment. “Actually, it was a nice date. I think I’ve just been working a lot of hours between the two jobs lately, plus trying to keep up with the ladies Bible study I’ve been teaching. I’m probably spreading myself a little thin.”

Her dad started preparing a cow across the aisle for milking. “At least you’re recognizing it this time. You’ve always pushed yourself a little too hard.”

“Someone has to since Judi never does,” she mumbled and immediately regretted it.

She couldn’t advise the ladies in her study to speak in love if she didn’t do it herself.

Her dad sighed as he worked. “Ellie, hon’, you need to let your bitterness against Judi go. It’s going to eat you up inside.”

Ellie nodded and kicked at the ground with the tip of her boot. She knew he was right, and she’d tried many times to let it go. She needed to keep trying.

She was grateful when a truck pulled up in front of the barn, interrupting their conversation. Patrick was the high school student her dad had recently hired and this wasn’t his truck, but she could see him in the passenger side. She tipped her head to see around the glare of the sun, curious who was behind the wheel. When she spotted the driver, her heart sank.

Oh. Perfect. Just perfect.

The driver stepped out of the car and touched a hand to the brim of his baseball cap. “Mornin’ Ellie. Thought you’d be at the school already.”

Did all the Tanner men have that same smile, same rugged jawline, sparkling green eyes, and naturally flirtatious charm?

It seemed so.

“Brad.” Her dad stepped into the sunlight and reached out, taking Bradley Tanner’s hand. “What brings you out today?”

Bradley jerked his head toward Patrick. “Pat’s truck broke down and I spotted him up the road here, so I gave him a lift.”

Thomas nodded. “Thanks, Brad appreciate it. How is it going? Back for a visit?”

“It’s going good. Back working at the farm.”

“Permanently?”

“Yep.”

Ellie laughed softly. “Discovered city life wasn’t for you, huh?”

Bradley grinned, slid his hands into his front pockets. “The city couldn’t handle me.”

Ellie had already turned toward her car, so she knew he couldn’t see her when she rolled her eyes. She waved over her shoulder. “See you boys later. I’ve got a shift at the store.”

“So, I’ll see you later?”

She glanced at Bradley as she slid behind the steering wheel and cocked an eyebrow.

“I’ll be there later with some deliveries,” he said, with a grin she knew too well. “I’ll see you there.”

She shut the door with a curt nod and a forced smile, started the car and pulled away quickly.

Bradley Tanner.

Jason’s cousin.

Back in Spencer Valley for good.

“Just great,” she grumbled as she hit the dirt road leading to town. “Just what I need.”

Fiction Friday: The Farmer’s Son Chapter 3 Part I

I was too wrapped this past week with last minute changes and corrections to The Farmer’s Daughter before publishing it next week to sit down and work on The Farmer’s Son. Hopefully, I’ll have more time this upcoming week. I did have this short part I could share.

To catch up on the rest of the story, click HERE. If you were a reader of The Farmer’s Daughter on here , I’m offering a limited amount of ebooks for free. Let me know in the comments or via the contact form if you are interested.

The day Jason came into the store after he came back from college, Ellie couldn’t take his eyes off of him.

Had he been working out? Even more than before he left for college?

She shouldn’t be looking at him, right? Was she lusting? They’d just talked about this at Bible study.

She took a deep breath, closed her eyes briefly, then opened them again to take in the full view of him.

She wasn’t lusting. She was simply . . .she pulled her lip between her front teeth, then released it again . . . admiring God’s handiwork.

She’d seen Jason over Christmas break a few months before, but his biceps seemed even larger, even more well-toned now. There were light brown whiskers along his jawline and that coupled with the faded blue jeans, a nicely fitting gray T-shirt and a blue and white checkered flannel shirt gave him a rugged, should-be-on-the-front-of-GQ vibe.

Standing across the store, close to the new display of spring flowers, he was talking to his Uncle Walt, one hand on his hip as he gestured with the other.

Ellie was mesmerized.

She felt like she was in high school again, wishing he’d look her way, flash her one of his drop-dead gorgeous smiles.

A customer had stepped to the counter, stepping into her line of sight, blocking her view temporarily.

After the customer left, Jason was gone. Disappointment settled like a hard rock in the center of Ellie’s chest. It really was like high school again.

“Hey.”

She’d gasped and turned, almost slamming into him as he stepped from the back office area.

“Sorry.”

He’d smiled. That smile. The smile she’d wanted to see.

He leaned one side against the doorframe, crossed his arms across his chest, “Didn’t mean to startle you, but didn’t want to miss the chance to say ‘hello’ either.”

Warmth spread from her chest to the top of her head, and she giggled.

Good grief. This was ridiculous.

She’d dated Jason from her senior year of high school up until two years ago. It wasn’t like he was someone she didn’t know. She knew him. Very well. And she wanted to know him very well again.

They’d started chatting until another customer came and then he’d left, saying he’d stop by again the next day.

He did stop by the next day.

And the day after that until he finally asked if she’d like to go to the movies.

She’d agreed and their relationship was on again, almost as if they hadn’t taken that two-year break starting at the beginning of his junior year of college.

“You all there, kid?”

“Hmm?”

Ellie looked up from the cow’s udder she’d been cleaning, pulled out of her memories.

Her dad grinned.

“I told you Patrick will be here soon, so you don’t have to help if you have somewhere to be.”

“Oh. No. It’s no problem. My mind just wandered a little.”

“To anywhere important?”

Ellie laughed softly. “Just  . . . life stuff, I guess you’d say.”

Thomas Lambert nodded at his daughter, but his brow furrowed as he looked at her. “Hey, are — uh — things okay with you and Jason?”

Ellie stood and faced him. “They’re fine. Why?”

“No reason. I mean, you’ve just seemed quiet since you came back from your date with him the other night.”

Ellie wiped her hands and stepped around to reach for the milking attachment. “Actually, it was a nice date. I think I’ve just been working a lot of hours between the two jobs lately, plus trying to keep up with the ladies Bible study I’ve been teaching. I’m probably spreading myself a little thin.”

Her dad started preparing a cow across the aisle for milking. “At least you’re recognizing it this time. You’ve always pushed yourself a little too hard.”

“Someone has to since Judi never does,” she mumbled and immediately regretted it.

She couldn’t advise the ladies in her study to speak in love if she didn’t do it herself.

Her dad sighed as he worked. “Ellie, hon’, you need to let your bitterness against Judi go. It’s going to eat you up inside.”

Ellie nodded and kicked at the ground with the tip of her boot. She knew he was right, and she’d tried many times to let it go. She needed to keep trying.

She was grateful when a truck pulled up in front of the barn, interrupting their conversation. Patrick was the high school student her dad had recently hired and this wasn’t his truck, but she could see him in the passenger side. She tipped her head to see around the glare of the sun, curious who was behind the wheel. When she spotted the driver, her heart sank.

Oh. Perfect. Just perfect.

The driver stepped out of the car and touched a hand to the brim of his baseball cap. “Mornin’ Ellie. Thought you’d be at the school already.”

Did all the Tanner men have that same smile, same rugged jawline, sparkling green eyes, and naturally flirtatious charm?

It seemed so.

“Brad.” Her dad stepped into the sunlight and reached out, taking Bradley Tanner’s hand. “What brings you out today?”

Bradley jerked his head toward Patrick. “Pat’s truck broke down and I spotted him up the road here, so I gave him a lift.”

Thomas nodded. “Thanks, Brad appreciate it. How is it going? Back for a visit?”

“It’s going good. Back working at the farm.”

“Permanently?”

“Yep.”

Ellie laughed softly. “Discovered city life wasn’t for you, huh?”

Bradley grinned, slid his hands into his front pockets. “The city couldn’t handle me.”

Ellie had already turned toward her car, so she knew he couldn’t see her when she rolled her eyes. She waved over her shoulder. “See you boys later. I’ve got a shift at the store.”

“So, I’ll see you later?”

She glanced at Bradley as she slid behind the steering wheel and cocked an eyebrow.

“I’ll be there later with some deliveries,” he said, with a grin she knew too well. “I’ll see you there.”

She shut the door with a curt nod and a forced smile, started the car and pulled away quickly.

Bradley Tanner.

Jason’s cousin.

Back in Spencer Valley for good.

“Just great,” she grumbled as she hit the dirt road leading to town. “Just what I need.”

Sunday Bookends: Balancing Books and Feeling like we live in Antartica

Welcome to another Sunday Bookends where I share what I’m reading, watching, writing, eating, seeing, smelling — no, wait. Only what I’m reading, watching, writing, sometimes what I’m listening to and a little about what we’ve been up to. Feel free to let me know what you’ve been up to in the comments.

What’s Been Occuring

Aparently we are never going to have warm weather again. Or that’s how it feels right now, anyhow. I know we will eventually have warm weather, of course, but this has been one long winter.

Most of the 21 inches of snow that fell on us the week before last is still here and now they are calling for several more inches on Monday and Tuesday. We just got our driveway cleared from the last storm and now more snow is coming. I can’t even wrap my head around it. While the snow can be pretty, there has been anywhere from 2 to 24 inches of snow in our backyard since the end of December and at least a foot of it there since the beginning mid-January. There is so much snow that the deer are now coming into our yards to eat our bushes and trees.

We were able to get out of the driveway last week to go to my parents for a game night and the little supermarket downtown. Saturday my husband took me out for Valentine’s Day and we were able to get out of town and explore an area about 45 minutes away from our house. We had a late lunch at a restaurant we hadn’t been to before and then we – I can’t believe I am writing this but we went to buy cat food and cat litter at Walmart.

Yes, that was part of our Valentine’s Day date. This shopping trip for necessities was promptly mocked by The Boy who texted to me (after I told him where we were):

“Ah yes Walmart the most romantic place in the world. It’s the only place where you can find scented candles right next to the guns. Waiter: here are your Walmart specials pulls out Twinkie’s and a half warmed up frozen pizza.”

He’s quite funny and we’re hoping that he’ll be a famous comedian one day and puts us in a nice nursing community. You know, if the world allows us all to have humor again.

What I’m Reading

I’m almost finished with ‘Til I Want No More by Robin W. Pearson, which I am really enjoying, even though Maxine (the main character) was really driving me nuts in the first part of the book. When you read it, you’ll know what I mean. This story of redemption is very complex and a little heavy at times, but Robin is such a wonderful writer, it makes it all easier. Plus, we get to see Evelyn again from Robin’s first book A Long Time Comin’. The two books are not connected, other than Evelyn and Maxine being friends and both facing difficult secrets in their lives they needed to address.

I will probably finish Harriet Beamer Takes A Bus in the next couple of days as well. This book is so charming and sweet, I don’t want it to end, but luckily I have discovered that there is a sequel.

Little Miss and I just finished Misty of Chincoteague by Margaurite Henry last week and have moved on to Stormy, Misty’s Foal.

The Boy and I continue to suffer through The Lord of the Flies (good book, but a bit depressing with all the craziness going on in today’s world). It’s taking us a while because he has chapter questions and quizes every two chapters and I am really not in any rush to read it since I know how it ends.

What I’m Watching

I’ve been watching McLeod’s Daughters, an old Australian show on Amazon. It’s essentially a soap opera set out in the bush of Australia but without graphic sex or violence.

My husband and I are also watching Lovejoy, an older British show about an antique dealer who often gets wrapped up in some sort of criminal situation when trying to sell or buy antiques. It is much more interesting than I just made it sound. I promise.

We continue to watch Wanda Vision (a Marvel show on Disney), which is getting better each week.

What I’m Writing

Last week I wrote about censorship and freedom of speech;

Some random thoughts

And, the second part of chapter 1 for The Farmer’s Son.

I’m also finishing up edits on The Farmer’s Daughter and it will go live on Kindle on February 23rd.

What I’m Listening To

I am try to listen to more sermons and will continue that this week. I listened to a good sermon by Holly Furtick from Elevation Church, which I missed Sunday because I watched Robert Morris from Gateway Church. Here are links to those sermons in case you need some spiritual guidance or Biblical thoughts to chew on this week.

I’m also trying to make more time for podcasts and this week I hope to listen to more of Relatable by Allie B. Stuckey and The Babylon Bee podcast.

So that was my week in review. How about you? What have you been reading, watching, listening to, or doing? Let me know in the comments.

Friday Fiction: The Farmer’s Son Chapter 1 Part 2

Every Friday, or every other Friday, I share a piece of fiction I am working on. There are often typos or plot holes and the story may change later.

So, this current story is in the very rough draft stages, but what isn’t in the rough draft stage is it’s predecessor, The Farmer’s Daughter which is available for preorder at Amazon and Barnes and Noble and releases on February 23

Catch up with the previous parts of The Farmer’s Son HERE.

Chapter 1 Part 2

Hair pulled back. Check.

Slacks on with no scuff marks, no wrinkles. Check.

New shirt, freshly ironed. Check.

Ellie sighed, looking at herself in the entryway mirror at the preschool. She had no idea why she felt the need to be so well dressed for a group of 4 and 5-year olds. Maybe she really was uptight, like her sister always said. Uptight, a perfectionist, or whatever negative term Judi could describe her to prove that Judi was the fun sister and Ellie was the boring one.

Another sigh.

That wasn’t fair. Judi probably wasn’t trying to prove anything about their differences. She probably didn’t care. It was Ellie who was stuck on the fact that Judi had always been more carefree, while Ellie felt like she had been born a little old lady.

Even as children Ellie had liked to keep all her toys tidy while Judi left hers strewn all over the bedroom floor, her Barbie dolls with haircuts she’d inflicted on them and her My Little Ponies with marker drawings on their buttocks. Ellie liked hers to be kept pristine, in the shape they’d arrived in.

She cringed still today at the memory of her sister’s toys and the condition of her room when she was a teenager — clothes, books, shoes and homework all strewn across the floor, her bed unmade. Across the hall, Ellie’s room looked more like a sales ad for a furniture store, books neatly stacked on shelves, clothes hanging in color coordinated sections in the closet, bed freshly made, shoes stacked on the floor of the walk-in closet in segregated groups of formal and casual.

As an adult, Ellie still liked her possessions to be clean, perfectly, or almost perfectly, aligned, and most importantly, in order.

Not that she was obsessive about it. She didn’t scold people if they removed a book from the bookcase and didn’t put it back in its place–in alphabetical order and by genre, as she had arranged them. She simply placed the book back where it belonged with a smile, usually after they had left, though not correcting their mistake while they were there was often anxiety inducing for her.

She didn’t smack Jason’s dirty boots off the coffee table if he propped them there, which he rarely did, but alarm bells did go off in her mind, and she often had to fight back the urge to shout, “Don’t put your feet there! Can’t you see I just cleaned there?!”

 There was an order to her life plan too, and she liked it that way. She scheduled and planned events to happen at a certain time and in a certain way. Of course, things were a little out of order from what she’d once thought they would be, but that was okay. With Jason’s proposal, her life was back on track again.

Sure, she’d had to scribble out the plan she had written in her journal during her senior year, more since college graduation.

The one that read:

Valedictorian.

Graduation.

College.

B.S. in Education.

Marriage.

Career.

Children.

Now it read:

Valedictorian.

Graduation.

College.

B.S. in Education.

Career.

Marriage.

Children.

The plan had been thrown off a bit with her and Jason deciding to take a break from their relationship during college, or rather Jason making that decision. No problem. She had her education to focus on and when she wasn’t in class, she worked on her family’s farm and a local diner in town.

She’d expected to get a job in teaching immediately after graduation, but her plan was changed again for a few months when there were no positions available locally. She’d considered moving out of the area, like Judi had done, but . . .

Jason. She knew he’d wanted the break, but she still cared about him. Maybe after college they could reconnect.

So, she stayed on at the farm, then took a part time at the Tanner County Store, Jason’s family’s business. The business where she could watch Jason bring deliveries in and lift heavy boxes and where she knew he’d eventually have to talk to her, which he did. After they started dating again, a job opened up at Little Lambs Daycare, which meant she could pencil career back in after B.S. in Education.

Like that, her plan was back on track again.

But then, Jason didn’t propose that year. Or the year after. Or . . . Well, it had now been five years of Ellie wondering when, or even if, the rest of her plan was going to work out.

At least she loved her job, though. And now that Jason had proposed, things were moving in the right direction. Her plan was unfolding.

Marriage and after marriage, children.

That’s if I can have children.

No. She wouldn’t think that way.

She would have children.

But only after marriage.

So, career and marriage had switched places.

No big deal.

All that mattered was that her life was back on track now.

She tightened her ponytail, cocked an eyebrow as she inspected her shirt again and touched up her lipstick.

“Hi, Miss Ellie!”

She looked down into bright green eyes under a shock of red hair. “Hey, there, Timmy.” She leaned forward on knees slightly bent to bring herself down more to Timmy Murray’s level. “How are you this morning?”

“Mommy says I’m constipated.”

“Oh.” Ellie made a face. “Well, that’s not very good. Is your belly hurting?”

Timmy shrugged. “Nope. Just can’t poop. What are we doing at playtime today?”

Ellie held a laugh back. She didn’t want Timmy to think it was funny he couldn’t “poop.”

“It’s a surprise. You’ll have to wait and see.”

Timmy rolled his eyes. “Why do big people always make us wait for everythin’?”

Once again Ellie marveled at the verbal capability of this particular 4-year-old as she took his hand and led him into the classroom.

“Timmy, there you are.”

Ellie’s friend and co-worker Lucy Allen patted the desk in front of Timmy’s chair. “Remember, we don’t leave the room unless we’re given permission.”

“I saw Miss Ellie and thought I should say ‘hello’.”

Lucy winked at Ellie, who was hiding a smile behind her hand.

“You still need to ask permission, bud. Okay, lets all get into our good morning circle to share about our weekend and then Miss Ellie will read us a new book, ‘Sleep, Big Bear, Sleep.’”

Lucy sighed as the children filed from their chairs and gathered on the rug.

“Welcome back from the weekend, Miss Ellie. Was it a good one?”

Ellie placed her bag on the desk and took a sip of the tea in her mug. “It was. Yes. Yours?”

Lucy rolled her eyes. “Long. My mother-in-law came to visit. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I love her, but everything is thrown off when she’s there. The kids don’t want to go to bed, she bakes all these cookies and they’re all on a sugar high . . .”

The kids. Ellie felt like the only one of her friends who didn’t have kids to talk about. Most of the time it didn’t phase her but for some reason it caught her off guard today, probably because marriage and kids were on her mind after Jason’s proposal. The fact she would have children so much later in life than all of them had bothered her before, but today it was weighing even heavier on her mind. She’d always tried her best not to be resentful each time a friend announced they were expecting, each time they came in with a tiny newborn in their arms. Each time, though, pangs of jealousy pressed against her on all sides and she often had to turn away and compose herself before she plastered a smile to her face and offered congratulations.  

 “…but it was a nice weekend overall. Mary Anne went home this morning and I have to admit that it is a little lonely without her. The kids loved her bedtime stories. . . Hey, you okay?”

Ellie looked up, reaching across the desk for the book. Time to change the subject before Lucy asked too many questions about her weekend. “I am, but if I don’t start reading soon, those kids are going to get themselves into even more trouble.” She winked to cover the fact she was covering something and gently nudged Lucy’s arm on the way back. “Brittany, hands to yourself. No, I don’t care if Matthew sat in your spot. Choose another spot.”

She sat herself in the chair in front of the kids and opened the book. “So, everyone, are we ready for a new book with a new character? A loveable bear I have a feeling is going to become a favorite.”

“Yeah!” All their little voices blend together.

“Okay, well, this story starts — ”

“Miss Ellie?”

A sigh. “Yes, Timmy?”

“How come you aren’t married?”

A catch in her chest. “Timmy, honey, it’s story time, not question-and-answer time.”

“My mommy says you’re old enough to be married, but you aren’t.”

A tightening jaw. “Well, Timmy, your mommy —“

Lucy cleared her throat and clapped her hands quickly. “Let’s focus on story time, Timmy, okay?”

Ellie shot Lucy a grateful smile. She really hadn’t been sure what was going to come out of her mouth. She looked at Timmy and winked again.

“I’m sure Timmy understands it’s time to use our ears for listening and not our mouth for talking now. Right, Timmy?”

Timmy nodded and stuck his thumb in his mouth, eyes wide.

Ellie took a deep breath and plunged forward with the book, hoping to make it through the day without verbally snapping any of these poor children’s heads off. It wasn’t their fault she was an almost 30-year-old woman who wasn’t married, didn’t have children, and hadn’t told her fiancé that they might never even have those children.

***

Bright sunlight cut through the clouds, sending sparkles of light dancing across the dew blanketing the ground. Jason looked out over the field, sweat trickling down the back of his neck. His dad was already out, cutting a path through the field on the tractor, preparing the ground for another round of corn to be planted. Alex was in the barn, clearing out the stalls with Molly and Troy, one of the Tanner’s employees. Jason’s mom Annie was in the house cooking breakfast and later she had a meeting in town with the local ladies auxiliary to plan for an upcoming fundraiser.

Walt, Jason’s uncle, was in the lower barn and his aunt Hannah was at the farm store a mile down the road. Jason’s cousin, Bradley, Walt’s only son, was picking up meat from the meat packing plant to be delivered to the store and Hannah’s children, all three in junior high, were working their summer jobs packing shelves at the store.

Tanner Enterprises was definitely a family-run business and the burden of keeping it running wasn’t all on his shoulders, but Jason still felt the weight of helping to run a 400-acre farm and an out branch of businesses which employed a staff of 50.

 Watching his dad, Jason knew Robert Tanner was tired. He’d been tired for a long time, but this was a different kind of tired. A tired that Jason could see was leaving the 49-year-old man physically and emotionally drained at the end of each day. Jason knew his dad was angry at himself for having taken a loan out against the family business without telling his family and even angrier that circumstances beyond his control had made it impossible to repay the loan by the deadline. The mere fact he’d had to take a loan at all was like a kick to the gut for Robert.

“I don’t know Jason. Maybe I wouldn’t have had to take out that loan if we hadn’t lost your grandfather.”

But Jason had a feeling the need for a loan would have come, even if Ned Tanner had lived longer. It had been a year since Jason’s grandfather had passed away. Really, though, the dementia had taken Ned Tanner away from his family several years before his soul actually left his body.

Jason could still see the faraway look in his grandfather’s eyes that one day five years ago when he’d asked him where the accounting books were. Robert and Walt had already taken over the business, but Ned had the financial records at his house and Robert had asked Jason to pick them up. The records had always been there, and the family had agreed when the brothers took over that Ned would continue to keep them in his filing cabinet in his office in the house. When Jason had asked for the books to take to the tax preparer, though, his grandfather had drawn a blank.

“Accounting books? Doesn’t Hannah have those?”

“No, Grandpa. We agreed you’d keep them in the filing cabinet.”

“I have a filing cabinet?”

Jason had laughed softly. “Very funny, Grandpa.”

He could tell from his grandfather’s expression, though, that he wasn’t joking. Ned looked genuinely confused.

“What books should I have again?”

Jason’s eyebrows had furrowed in concern. Did his grandfather really not remember where he’d always kept the books?

Within a few moments, though, it was as if the fog in Ned’s mind had lifted. “Oh. Yes. The accounting books. They’re in the third drawer of that green filing cabinet in the corner of the office upstairs. The key is in my sock drawer. I’ll get it for you this afternoon.”

Jason had felt some relief at the return of clarity, but a couple of months later Ned had forgotten other things, small at first, like where he’d left his keys or if he’d gassed up the tractor. Eventually, though, he’d sat longer on a hay bale in the barn or on a chair on Robert’s front porch, staring out at the fields, trying to remember what he’d been about to do. The day Robert drove him home, tired and near tears because he couldn’t remember which direction to turn his truck to get back to his house, it was clear something was seriously wrong.

“Alzheimer’s.”

The doctor’s diagnosis hit the family hard. Jason could still remember clearly the small gasp from his mother, the way her hand flew to her mouth, pressed there for several moments as tears rimmed her eyes when Robert had told her.

Robert had told Jason Franny, Jason’s grandmother, had asked the doctor, “How long?”

“How long?” the doctor had repeated, confused.

“How long before he’s completely lost to us?”

The doctor hadn’t felt the dementia would move fast, but it did. Faster than anyone expected. The worsening heart failure had moved even faster, and within three years of the Alzheimer’s diagnosis, Ned had been gone.

If it hadn’t been for his desire to keep his father’s dream alive, Robert might have given up and walked away from farming altogether the day they’d buried Ned in the family plot in the small cemetery behind the now empty country church down the road. The fact Jason and Molly, Walt and his family still had a passion for the farm had helped keep him going, but the other day Jason had seen his father looking at the letter from the bank he’d stuffed in his back pocket. Jason had looked over his dad’s shoulder and Robert had shared the news with him about the danger the business was in.

Both of them had felt the heaviness of grief again–grief over the loss of Ned, but also the pending grief at failing at the only job either of them had ever had and ever wanted to do.

Jason watched his dad turn the tractor back toward the barn for a few moments and then turned back toward the barn to complete his own morning work so he could take off to the gym, one of the few places where he could work out his stresses and think at the same time.

“Hey, Jase?” He looked up at the sound of his dad’s voice several moments later. Robert was standing next to the tractor, one arm leaning against it.

“Yeah.”

“You have a lot on your mind lately?”

Jason shrugged a shoulder. “Uh. No. Not really. I mean, why?”

“You were supposed to tighten the bolts on these tires the morning.”

Jason made a face. “Oh. Yeah. Right.”

“Right. Luckily, I could feel they were loose before I got too far out this morning.”

Jason cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck. “Sorry about that.”

Robert shrugged. “It’s no big deal. I’m not mad, but you’ve seemed a little distracted lately. Is there anything you need to talk about?

Jason shook his head. “Nope.” He rubbed dirt off his hand with a rag. “I guess my mind was on something else. I’ll be more careful in the future.”

Robert rubbed his chin, pondered his son for a moment, then nodded. “Okay, well, you let me know if you need to talk.”

Jason turned back to working on the feed machine. “Definitely.”

But no. He would not talk to his dad about what was on his mind. He wasn’t about to tell anyone in his family about his college mistakes. Not now, not ever.

It was bad enough he was going to have to tell Ellie at some point if he wanted to start their marriage on a path of honesty. He had a feeling he wouldn’t be able to hide his personal failures from her for much longer.

Randomly Thinking: My Capitalization Issue on Here, Cold Weather, Bob Ross, and The Urban Dictionary

Here are a few of my random thoughts from the last couple of weeks. Enter at your own risk.

***

Have you noticed from time to time the titles of my blog posts in the WordPress Reader are capitalized weird or not at all? Maybe you haven’t, but I have and it’s driving me nuts. The reason the capitalizations sometimes aren’t right in the reader is because when I write my headlines they are in all caps in my editor (due to theme I have chosen), but when they appear in the reader they are not in all caps. So there are times I try to capitalize a word in my headline within the post editor but it appears as all caps to me so I don’t see the error until I publish it and view it in the reader.

Does that make sense? Does anyone besides me care? No. Probably not, but it really drives me crazy because I look like I’m even more incompetant than usual when that happens.

***

You know what else drives me crazy about the new editor on here? I can’t find a spellchecker and the Grammerly app I have installed on my browser doesn’t work in it either. So, yeah! I now have all kinds of typos on my blog posts. I’ve tried copying the posts and putting them into Grammerly or ProWriting Aid but it’s very time consuming, so most of the time I just let the typos ride. It’s not like I’m writing for a major news publication where they never have typos. Ha. Ha. (Who wants to attend the “pubic meeting on Monday night in the high school”?)

***

Someone on a MeWe (a social network) asked if my kids and I would be interested in being penpals with her kids as part of a homeschooling project. I agreed and about a week later we received three letters in the mail. I thought only my children would be receiving letters but then I ended up receiving one to me as well, which was really cool. I used to write letters back and forth with my maternal grandmother and I really miss that. The woman who wrote me said she misses the old days of writing real letters and I have to agree with her. We’re so used to instant gratification now we don’t know how to be patient for a letter.

This was further proven by my children asking if her children had Discord screennames or play Minecraft or “Why can’t we just call them instead of write a letter?”

I told them I’m teaching them patience and we all worked on letters to mail out. Of course, thanks to the two feet of snow we received, we had to wait until the end of the week to get the letters mailed out, but we did get them mailed out.

***

“We are losing our minds because they aren’t in our heads anymore. They’re in our phones.” Quote by my dad.

***

Watching television with my husband is always interesteing becuase he usually looks up all the actors and at some point during the series or movie to tell us what else they’ve been in. Then he tells us who out of the cast has died and sometimes even how they died (it’s usually some tragedy like drug overdose). It’s a lot like riding around our two county area with my dad except he points to houses or empty fields and tells us who use to live there and that they are all dead.

A couple of weeks ago he drove us to pick my son’s friend and during the three mile drive he randomply pointed at houses, or some empty field and said, “So-and-So used to live there. They’re dead now of course.”

By the end of the drive we all felt like we had been to a wake.

***

I think it’s sad when you click on the profile of someone yelling at you on Instagram for your political views and all they have listed in their profile is their pronouns, race, and political party. Seriously? Those things are what are important to you in life? If you only identify yourself based on sexual identification, race, and political affiliation I feel seriously sorry for you because you’ve placed your faith in all the wrong things.

***

Saturday night everyone’s bedroom doors were open when I sat down to read my daughter her bedtime stories: Sparta: Rise of a Warrior Nation. At least that’s what I loudly announced I was going to read to see if my son heard me.

He did.

“You’re reading her what?!”

I assured him I was actually reading her Paddington but if he wanted I would come in and read him the book on Sparta. He said that wasn’t necessary. Oh well, maybe another night.

***

Our two cats occassionally get along now, unless we notice they are getting along. If I point out that the older cat isn’t chasing the baby and reach for my camera to document the moment, the older cat jumps up and slaps the kitten the head and walks off.

***

There was a depressing and disgusting news story that broke in our area this week involving a public official. He always gave me the creeps but I had never imagined he’d done what he’s charged with. I just figured he was swarmy politically and ethically. My husband’s co-worker mused how the wife of the man is always quiet and seems to blend into the background. I guessed it’s probably because she’s abused by him and was made to feel she must be submissive and stay behind the scenes.

“Yeah. You’re probably right,” my husand said. ” Of course, we all know that wouldn’t be you. You’d be more likely to just step up and say something. You don’t stand in the background. I mean, let’s face it. We know who wears the pants in this relationship.”

I didn’t know how to take that so I kicked his butt and told him to go cry in the corner like the little baby he is. Then I told him as soon as he’s done wiping his snot we’re going to dinner at whatever restaurant I pick.

That less section is, of course, a total fabrication. I believe what my husband meant is I wouldn’t allow myself to be emotionally, and possibly physically, abused and would have kicked that man’s butt before I let him make me stand in the background with my mouth shut and my head bowed, pretending our family was normal when it was not. At the same time, neither of us are really judging this woman. We have no idea what she went through and she’s as much of a victim as others in this particular case so that was the part of it all we couldn’t laugh at.

***

I am very certain that once while watching Bob Ross painting I told my son he had died years ago. Very certain.

However, the other day I ordered a Bob Ross watercolor book for my daughter and while looking at it my son, a fan of Bob Ross Positive Energy Drinks, told me about all the other Bob Ross-related products available.

He said, “He knows how to market himself.”

I said, “Well, no, actually, his family really knows how to make money using his name. Since he’s been dead for years.”

My son looked grief-stricken. “Bob Ross is dead?”

I said, “Uh..yeah. We’ve discussed this. You even showed me that video one time of some animator who had created a scene with Bob Ross and Fred Rogers together in heaven.”

“Well, yeah, but I just thought –”

My son’s face fell.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “Is this like when I told you there was no Santa Claus?”

Him, “There’s no Santa Claus?”

(He didn’t really say that last line. What he really said was, “Yes! That’s what this is like!”)

Honestly, I know we talked about Bob Ross being dead because I even showed him a video about what happened to all Bob Ross’s paintings after his death. Sometimes I think The Boy simply plays too many video games and it has melted his memory.

***

My son’s friends looked up their names on Urban Dictionary. I’d never heard of it before and a lot of the inforamtion on there features “no-so-nice” language, but I did look up my name for fun and found one clean description, which was a little accurate, but not completely:

“If you’re friends with a Lisa – consider yourself lucky! Lisa’s are intelligent, intuitive, and a true friend. She will always check in on you at just the right moments, and has a way of putting out all of your fires with a few thoughtful phrases of advice. The kind of advice that validates your feelings while still holding you accountable for your own actions. She has high level of patience, but don’t take her kindness for granted; she will put you in your place if you do!! She’s beautiful on the inside and out, witty sense of humor, and an all around genuine person.Lisa will call you out on your crap (Word changed to protect the innocent).”

That last sentence is especially true. *wink*

***

So those are a few of my random thoughts for this week. What are some of yours? Share them with me in the comments!

Socially Thinking: The perils of censoring what we don’t agree with

Cancel culture.

There is a phrase I am sick of hearing. Like if I hear it one more time, I’ll vomit.

The thing is, there has always been a type of cancel culture. People have always tried to bury books, phrases, movies, and even people they didn’t agree with.

What’s different in 2021 is the mainstream acceptance of such practices.

Almost every day I read a story about this person or that person calling for the “cancelation” of not only ideas, or books, or movies, or TV shows, but of people.

It’s hard not to want to remove a person from society when you believe that person is saying something that can harm people, but it’s not our decision to remove a person. That’s up to God and sadly there are a lot of comments on the internet about permanently removing people from the world who we don’t agree with. One step down from homicide (which luckily isn’t the norm, yet), is the call for silencing opinions or thoughts that differ from our own.

Most of us can agree that murdering a person who disagrees with you is morally unacceptable, but more and more people are developing the belief that silencing thought, such as those presented in the form of the written or spoken word, is morally acceptable. That doesn’t sit well with me.

What bothers me more than calling for books or shows to be canceled, or even people to be canceled, is the call for history to be canceled.

There is a lot of history most of us would prefer not to remember: slavery (in all countries, but for Americans, slavery in our nation), the Holocaust, the atom bomb, the Trail of Tears, and the treatment of the Indian and South African people by various nations, to name a few.

I don’t like a big part of our history but if we don’t remember it, we will repeat it.

If we had pretended the Holocaust had never happened, isn’t it possible that another group of people would have perpetuated the same hatred all over again? Those who want to stop it also wouldn’t have any past reference on how to fight against it, or the signs to watch out for.

And slavery. My gosh. If we pretend that never happened, won’t we then have to pretend we learned nothing from it — like how it is abhorrent of humans to act like we have the right to enslave another person, or an entire group of people, based on our prejudice against them?

Statues are being torn down, books are being banned, voices are being silenced, and sometimes history books are even being rewritten. Offensive language is being eradicated from classic books because “words offend people.”

Yes. Words offend people. That’s life. People get offended. It happens every day. And most of those people get offended and move on with their lives.

Over the last several years, I’ve made choices for my children to shut off certain voices or take away certain television shows based on what those voices say and shows present. This was a personal choice to protect the minds of my children. Unlike others, I didn’t demand for the voices I objected to to be silenced. I encouraged others to walk away from a streaming service I felt was harmful to our children and others, but I didn’t start a petition or organize a protest to completely shut down the entire service.

I suggested others make up their own minds about the service and while I sometimes glared at people who kept the service despite my warning, self-righteously judging their choice (yes, I freely admit I do this, but it’s usually a brief judging and I quickly get over myself), I didn’t demand they align their beliefs with mine. My reasons are very personal, and I can’t discuss in detail what those reasons are because it would mean revealing secrets that aren’t mine to reveal.

My husband and I simply decided to not give money to a company that goes completely against our values in most of their programming.

My question is why others can’t do the same?

There are a myriad of books out on the market that contain words, scenes, and discussions that I don’t agree with, but I’m not calling for those items to be canceled or banned. It’s hard for me to even write that because there are so many books or movies I want to steer people away from—books and movies that promote wrong ideas, that perpetuate violence against people based on their sex, race, sexual orientation, religion, etc.

The issue with canceling those books or movies, however, is that we then cancel the thoughts of the people who wrote them. While we might not like their thoughts, we need to know the thoughts of the people who wrote them so we can teach our children to stay away from those ideas.

One thing that comes to mind when I think about how so many in society today want to “hide away the bad things of the world” is how we I used to calls at the newspaper I worked at asking us not to publish certain police briefs.

“People don’t need to know about drug deals, overdoses, rapes, child molestation, domestic incidents,” some would say. “It’s depressing. Depressing news just makes us more depressed.”

Depressing news absolutely makes us more depressed, but that doesn’t mean those depressing things aren’t happening simply because we don’t hear or read about them.

If we don’t know these issues are going on, then how do we help the people who are suffering from them? Societal issues will not disappear simply because we don’t talk about them anymore.

A person is welcome to tell others why they won’t buy or read a book, but demanding others not be able to see the material is where we step into the territory of destroying free speech. Again, this is hard for me because, like I mentioned above, there are some really vile, twisted, messed up movies and books out there that I would prefer people didn’t see. I believe some movies, books, or other media cross the line into endangering people, especially if they involve child pornography or encouraging sexual assault of men, women, or children. Then we need to consider some sort of guidelines, maybe even along the lines of removing them from places where they are easily accessible. Freedom of speech really does only go so far in those cases.

The cancel culture (which can be found in both liberal and conservative circles) have gone so far as to have news channels calling for cable networks to take off other news channels, with both news channels pointing at each other and calling each other liars. Neither channel is worried about so-called lies being spread. They want to stomp down “dissenting opinions.”

Let’s be honest, all the mainstream media is full of lies now. Journalists are so lazy they either only get half the story or make up stories to sell papers or make money from views and clicks. By the way, when they only get half the story, they rarely take the time to find out the rest. That would take effort and time away from their tweeting and posting photos of themselves on Instagram in their latest pair of Ray-bans.

In a recent Sunday Bookends blog post I shared I was picking up a book by Andy Ngo (last name pronounced ‘no’) about Antifa, simply because it is being boycotted. Antifa, for those who don’t have time to investigate politics, is the so-called “anti-fascist activist group” burning down cities on the west coast who have actually become the fascists. They prefer to be called anarchists, I believe.

What I didn’t explain in the post is that I don’t know if everything Ngo has written is true, but deciding that should be my decision, your decision, whoever’s decision. It’s up to us to do the further research, to investigate if what we are seeing, and reading is true. I have doubted Andy’s stories, even some of his videos, but then I looked into stories from people who were with Antifa and left before they became more violent, or others who have also researched Antifa, and their observations do align with Ngo’s many times.

I feel that Antifa’s efforts to ban Ngo’s book by protesting outside bookstores is wrong as much as I would feel that someone protesting to ban a negative book on anything is wrong. There have been thousands of books written slamming Jesus, my savior, and while I abhor some of them, I have never sat outside a bookstore and screamed at owners and employees demanding the books to be removed. There have been books written about the state of journalism today that I know are outright lies (like the idea that “journalists” today are objective in any way, shape or form), but let people publish them and let the public decide if what they write is true or not (insider tip: they’re not).

This week I started loading my Christianbook and Amazon cart with books that people are now demanding be removed – books that have the “n” word, or speak poorly of any ethnic community, or refer to homosexuals in what some feel is a derogatory manner. I don’t know if we will get so far that those books will be removed from retailers, hidden away to pretend life is rosy and perfect all the time and no one ever called a black person a derogatory term, but I’m buying them up in case they are.

I want all that language in those books that people say is bad, even though I don’t like them. I want those scenes of black face left in. I want those racial stereotypes left in. I want those sexist remarks or terms left. The creator wrote them, for whatever reason, left them in, portrayed them, and there was a reason for that (maybe because the creator was racist or sexist. I don’t know). I want those works of fiction, of non-fiction, or those movies left intact so I can discuss with my children why those were put in in the first place, why they were wrong or right, the motivation of the author or creator to put them in and what the mindset was at the time they were written or created. I believe every person has the choice to read those books, see those movies, make up their own minds about them, even if I strongly disagree with what is in them. That’s what freedom is about.

Books challenge our thinking. Movies challenge our thinking. That’s what they do and should do.

Language or depictions in them might make us uncomfortable but, hey, guess what, so might anything in life. We can’t remove everything from life that makes us uncomfortable or offends us, so why should we remove it from our art?

Incidentally, books I am picking up right now that many are calling for being banned are Roll of Thunder Hear My Cry by Mildred Taylor (which was one book that opened my eyes when I was a child to the horrors of racism and segregation), To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee, Tom Sawyer and The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain, and 1984 by George Orwell. We are currently reading Lord of the Flies, which I know some have called to be banned in the past. (Personally, I am banning The Awakening by Kate Chopin from ever being read in this house because I absolutely hated reading it for my Senior AP English class. No other reason. Just because it was torture for me to read.)

I don’t know why we all can’t just seem to realize we can use the parts of books and movies we don’t agree with to educate our children, and others, that these are not the right words to use or the right way to talk about people, or the right way to treat people. Or we can decide not to read or show these books to our children until we think they are old enough to understand them and put them in context.

Instead, people want to erase the nastiness from the world and pretend it never happened.

We want to pull ourselves into sanitized bubbles but, I’m sorry, that’s just not possible. Once sin entered the world it was here. It is here, and no amount of stomping our feet and plugging our fingers in our ears is going to stop it. The only way to stop it is to educate ourselves about what is out there and then combat it by speaking out in love about what we think is wrong.

That speaking out in love thing? Well, that’s another blog post for another day because that one is sorely needed, but rarely done and, sadly, can be easier said than done.