Kim Vermaak's Blog, page 3
December 23, 2020
Reflecting on the year
It is only a few hours until Christmas, depending on where you stay.
I am busy finishing the first draft for the prequel for the Chronicles of Nadine. “A Mother’s Warning”. In the reviews of the series, some of my reviewers have mentioned King Radolf, and there are several readers who have commented on Lady Christine’s fear of King Radolf.
I think we all have fear to some extent and each person’s fear shapes the decisions they make. This year amplified many people’s fears, so I wanted to create a character that represents the genuine fears that we have as humans. Those of you who read book 1, The Last of the Silver Wings, know that Christine is living away from King Radolf. But instead of stepping into freedom, she finds a way of living without him knowing where she is. Even though she is no longer trapped by him, she lives in fear’s shadow and it stops her from stepping into her destiny.
For many readers, 2020 is a lot like Christine’s relationship with King Radolf. Christine’s family started the relationship with good expectations, much like we started 2020 with a hope for a better future. But soon after Christine arrived in the Northern Kingdom, she realised that things would not turn well. King Radolf trapped Christine, and she lost more than she had ever expected. Along with it she lost her identity, her confidence and the future she always believed was hers. But Christine had to learn that however painful her circumstances, hiding from King Radolf would not change her destiny. While Christine needed to have time to heal, to make an impact, she needed to reclaim who is and was born to be and grow from the experience.
The question is, what have you learned from 2020? What lessons can you carry into 2021 to reclaim your identity and purpose?
September 26, 2020
Medieval Rulers with Mental Illness
Medieval Mental Health.
What mental health issues affected my villain?
I had a fun week, doing what I love… research.
To build believable worlds, I have to immerse myself in my characters’ minds and see what they see and feel what they feel.
We are a few weeks away from the launch of The Fire Within the Storm. I offered my launch team a free psychological profile on my villain, King Radolf. So I wanted my profile to feel like the real thing. The launch team will read the review copy and will post reviews on Amazon, Good Reads, and their blogs. I wanted to produce something that will be worthy of their time and better help them understand this character.
I have hinted at some of King Radolf’s traumas in book 1, The Last of the Silver Wings, but in the Fire Within the Storm (Book 2 of the Chronicles of Nadine) he makes several bold moves that seem counterintuitive to his goals.
King Radolf’s advisers become concerned with his obsession with Lady Christine. He seems to be diverted from his overall mission, and it made me wonder how many medieval rulers suffered from mental illness. I found a list of Medieval rulers who scholars believe suffered from mental illness. Scroll down to the bottom of the newsletter to get the list.
To plan this profile, I delved into the world of psychology. Some of my readers know that I loosely based King Radolf on Adolf Hitler. So one of my stop offs in my research journey was to check out what psychologists said about Hitler.
This led me down the path of researching psychopaths, narcissists and sociopaths. I even went down the path of serial killers. It was interesting to find that for every 10 male serial killers, there is only 1 female serial killer. In medieval times, if you were a king, you did not need to hide behind a facade.
Many of them just organised a mass killing spree against their enemies. With indentured servants and boys leaving home to train as squires, disappearance was not something that created too much fuss. So a serial killer did not have to play as much cat and mouse with the authorities and modern serial killers.
One thing that jumped out was the poor relationships that many darker and criminal minds often have with their fathers. I see the research as an opportunity for and women embrace the role of the father. Instead of reacting to the bad press that fathers get, we can respond by uplifting and encouraging fathers.
Fathers are more powerful than they know, and it is when we encourage men to rise to the challenge of moulding our children positively, that we can get transformation. I am a mother of three and while I think it is foolish to pretend that I agree with everything my husband says; I have a responsibility to my children to teach them to see their father from a positive and balanced perspective.
I can not expect my son to become a good father and husband if I do not support my husband in his role.
On the reverse side of the coin I see several people who blindly accept any form of discipline from fathers who are nothing more than bullies, because of a fear of not showing respect to the father.
Somewhere there must be a balance between respect for authority, which is a healthy response and correction when we as parents make mistakes
September 11, 2020
Run Your Own Race
This past week I interviewed two authors for my YouTube channel.
One of them once wrote 30 000 words in one weekend and he has 11 published books. It was a jaw-dropping moment for me. My immediate reaction was that I felt such an underachiever. I just finished the last chapter of my third book on Friday and on my most productive day ever, I can manage 5000 words.
But then I realised that while we should have mentors and people who challenge us to live to a higher standard, everyone has to run in their own lane. When you are in a race, you can’t cross over into someone else’s lane. You need to stay focused on who you are and what your purpose is. While I can learn from this author, I can’t compare my journey to a writer who published his first book four years ahead of me and whose life is very different from mine.
In my series, the Chronicles of Nadine, Lady Christine has a different battle to fight to her companion Beatrice. King Radolf murdered Lady Christine’s parents, and so she must find courage after living in hiding for many years. She was born a Princess but abandoned her identity to live in harmony with her husband. When she has a chance meeting with a former Lord from her kingdom, he challenges her to reclaim her heritage.
Beatrice is Lady Christine’s protector and companion. Beatrice is the only known Contron female warrior. Her father raised her in a time when Contron’s merely raped women during raids and moved on, leaving the women to raise the children themselves. Beatrice’s father claimed the child after her mother died.
The Controns were one of the most ruthless warrior tribes. Beatrice’s father concealed her gender to keep her safe, and so she could train as a warrior. After they discovered her gender, his clan drowned him in the bog for stopping her from being claimed by one tribesman. In their clan, no man had the right to stop a woman from being claimed. Beatrice escaped to a female warrior clan to complete her training.
While both women lost their fathers, comparing Lady Christine’s progress and inner battles to Beatrice would be absurd. Yet, in our own lives, we look at someone else’s outcome and get discouraged. The better way is to see what we can learn from those around us and see which elements we can apply in our own lives.
In the series, Lady Christine relies on Beatrice’s’ experience to enhance her life and help her prepare. Beatrice has found a home and purpose through Lady Christine. Neither woman is envious of the other. They know who and what they are, and their relationship brings balance in the land.
I hope you find the courage to build relationships that grow you without you having to run in someone else lane.
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September 1, 2020
Choose your tribe
Choosing your tribe is critical. You may be tempted to believe that your friends have to fulfil all your emotional needs. But that is not true. They may be an excellent friend in one area, but not able to support you in another.Choosing the wrong people for your tribe can kill your dream. So treat it like a fragile baby. When I had children, I stopped spending time with certain people. Not because they were awful friends, but because I was going through a season where worrying about my baby touching their glass table with their sticky fingers would fill me with anxiety.
Once I had a babysitter then, I could reintroduce that friendship into my life. When you are reaching for a goal, you may need to take a break from some people, or only speak to certain people about your dream. Choose your tribe carefully when building your dream. You want a group who had got your back, the ones you can trust. The Chronicles of Nadine is in the medieval period where power is usually won through the might of a sword. In this time period choosing the right side was a matter of life or death. Your dream is important to you, so protect it.
What was feudalism and how did is affect the life of a Lord?
Feudalism flourished in Medieval Europe between the 9th and 15th centuries. It was a way of structuring society around relationships derived from the holding of land in exchange for service or labour. Although the Chronicles of Nadine takes place around 800 AD, we used a range of medieval concepts that spanned across many centuries to create a world for the series.Under the feudal system, there were different groups with varying degrees of power and status.
A king or queen owned all the land, which they broke up and gave out in exchange for military service. The Lord or knight who received the land was called a vassal and was legally obligated to provide services in exchange for that land.
In the Chronicles of Nadine, Nadine’s father, Nicolaus received Land from Lord Logan and had to resume his Knightly services.Knight service was military duties performed in exchange for the lands.
A King or Lord might require the military service for wars or expeditions or for riding and escorting services or guarding the castle.
What complicated things in the Chronicles of Nadine was that Lord Logan’s lands fell within the Northern Kingdom. His service was to King Radolf. This meant that Lord Logan, and all the knights who served under him, were honour bound to serve King Radolf. Lord Logan married King Radolf’s betrothed after had escaped the Northern Kingdom and sort sanctuary in Lord Logan’s territory. She did it under a false identity and lived in medieval bliss until Nadine dropped a dagger in the tunnels that belonged to Lady Christine’s mother. This lead to King Radolf discovering the location of Lady Christine.
Treason an act of disloyalty to the crown and including attempts to murder the monarch or act against the monarch. In 1351, to be hung, drawn and quartered became a statutory penalty for treason. Lord Logan had lived in peace with King Radolf. But his love for Christine would lead to a war that would result in him leading an army in an attempt to regain Lady Christine’s birthright. This uprising would constitute a direct attack against the King and be a treasonable offence. However, King Radolf’s reputation for abusing women was well known and his advisors advised against a direct attack against Lord Logan because of a woman. He wanted Lady Christine back but did not want to appear to have a personal vendetta. The church still had the power to excommunicate a King and by doing so could make lead to other nobles rising up against the King.
August 25, 2020
Fate vs Destiny
What does the word destiny mean to you?
People say that it a predetermined course of events that leads us to some kind of purpose in our lives. There are a lot of debates about whether life is a matter of choice or a matter of destiny. The argument is that destiny predetermines everything. If that is true, then why should we bother with any decision making. It almost takes the fun out of life. We want to believe that we have control over our lives.
In the series The Chronicles of Nadine, this is a theme that Nadine struggles through. Does she bend to what those around her say is her calling, or does she make her own choices? For a stubborn and fiercely independently thinking young lady, that seems an impossible choice. In the beginning, Nadine made some decisions based on what she thought would be the fate of her parents when they were captured by the dragon… Come to think of it, what is the difference between fate and destiny? Are they the same thing?.
Fate is the preordained course of your life. It is the outcome that you will reach regardless of your actions. Think of it as a GPS. You may take a few wrong turns, but the GPS will keep recalculating until you reach your destination. For many, it has a negative connotation. They feel that they have a lack of control. It is this kind of feeling that the villagers that Nadine grew up with must have felt while in the tunnels. They left their fate to the dragon or someone who was brave enough to rescue them.
But the word destiny has a more positive feel to it as if there is something greater, a higher purpose waiting for you. But to reach that point, you must take action.
I believe this the difference between living a mediocre life and a great one. You may be destined to become a writer, an inventor, a politician, a business owner, or in our series a king, queen or a whisperer. But as you look back at the end of your life, the type of influence that you had will depend on the choices and actions that you took along the way.
Based on what you are doing with your life right at this moment, what will your descendants say about you? What will be the legacy you leave behind?
August 12, 2020
Do you answer destiny's call?
What does the word destiny mean to you?
People say that it a predetermined course of events that leads us to some kind of purpose in our lives. There are a lot of debates about whether life is a matter of choice or a matter of destiny. The argument is that destiny predetermines everything. If that is true, then why should we bother with any decision making. It almost takes the fun out of life. We want to believe that we have control over our lives.
In the series The Chronicles of Nadine, this is a theme that Nadine struggles through. Does she bend to what those around her say is her calling, or does she make her own choices? For a stubborn and fiercely independently thinking young lady, that seems an impossible choice. In the beginning, Nadine made some decisions based on what she thought would be the fate of her parents when they were captured by the dragon… Come to think of it, what is the difference between fate and destiny? Are they the same thing?
Fate is the preordained course of your life. It is the outcome that you will reach regardless of your actions. Think of it as a GPS. You may take a few wrong turns, but the GPS will keep recalculating until you reach your destination. For many, it has a negative connotation. They feel that they have a lack of control. It is this kind of feeling that the villagers that Nadine grew up with must have felt while in the tunnels. They left their fate to the dragon or someone who was brave enough to rescue them.
But the word destiny has a more positive feel to it, as if there is something greater, a higher purpose waiting for you. But to reach that point, you must take action.
I believe this the difference between living a mediocre life and a great one. You may be destined to become a writer, an inventor, a politician, a business owner, or in our series a king, queen or a whisperer. But as you look back at the end of your life, the type of influence that you had will depend on the choices and actions that you took along the way.
Based on what you are doing with your life right at this moment, what will your descendants say about you? What will be the legacy you leave behind?
Copyright Kim Vermaak 2020
July 14, 2020
I am creating a code
My eldest daughter loves the charming, if somewhat eccentric Inspector Hercule Poirot from the Agatha Christie series. His famous words when working through a problem were “The little grey cells are working well today.”
Well, my little grey cells certainly were active this week. I had to invent a coding system to reveal the location of something of extreme importance to three district groups in the third instalment of the Chronicles of Nadine. The code protected something precious, when the dragons faced possible extermination. The location of the hidden items could only be worked out by someone who had an intimate knowledge of the workings of their inner society.
Coming up with the system was one thing. But creating the clues was an entirely unfamiliar process that challenged me far beyond what I expected. It rather reminded me of the Disney movie starring Nicolas Cage called National Treasure. The character Benjamin Gates thinks through a series of clues that lead to various locations each with an additional hidden clue. My system could not be as complex National Treasure, because time in my book, is of the essence. So it is a bit closer to an Indiana Jones meets Laura Croft system. But it also had to be a process that would earn me the respect of Beatrice, my mysterious and intimidating Spy Master, who stalks the pages of Books 1 to 3.
The third book combines my love of archaeology, treasure hunting and mystery. Plus of course, my signature of the psychology of humans and how they process challenges and trauma. What defeats one person can produce a bitter spirit in another and then a champion in a different character.
I am both excited and terrified at the prospect of producing this third novel. In the previous books there were two district camps struggling against each other. But book 3 brings in another element and the challenge that I face is not just creating clues, but it is choreographing the dance of plots when different players move into the script of our lives.
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May 25, 2020
What is holding you back?
Even if you know that the change is in your best interests. The fear of change or changing things is called Metathesiophobia. Psychologists often link it with Tropophobia which is the fear of moving.
When we are children, we are often fearless. But as experience mounts, our fears grow, and sometimes trap us. This is when that we begin to compromise our dreams and hopes for the future. Our fear of moving traps us in lives of mediocrity.
In the movie Night at the Museum the wax model of Teddy Roosevelt tells Larry Daley,” Some men are born great, and some men have greatness thrust upon them.” It is in times of turmoil that many seemingly ordinary people rise to greater heights than they ever imagined. This was true for Larry Dayley, as it is for Nadine, in the Last of the Silver Wings.
Having skills does not make us heroes. Even villains have skills. Sometimes I believe it is the absence of knowledge that makes us heroes because we have not yet been contaminated by fear. That is why many older readers enjoy Young Adult novels. These books transport the reader to that special in-between phase of being a fearless child and having adult experiences. I love the contrast that Nadine has in the Chronicles of Nadine. She has an obstinate nature that keeps her pushing forward, but she also has those moments of fear. What drives her to change is the belief that her family has in her and that defiance of anything that tries to control her. Many times in our lives we don’t want to be controlled, but we end up allowing our fears to control us.
One thing that I have learned during lock down is that we are the authors of our own life patterns, our ways of viewing the world and ways of doing things. While our environments do mould us, there always comes a moment of choice when we choose our response. This is much like the heroes in our books. They have lived enough to form patterns, but then the unexpected happens which drives them to push aside that fear of change because the changes have already arrived and it is now a sink or swim moment.
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May 11, 2020
Lockdown with a Dragon
Copyright Kim Vermaak 2020
700AD Day 1 - Morning Lockdown with a Dragon The horror of the day lurks in my mind. When my children are not watching I feel a wave of fear rise inside me. The deafening shriek of that fearsome beast ripped me from my sleep. Adrenaline surged through me and a kind of terror covered me as I watched the flames erupt from the beast’s mouth. Nicolous had raced ahead to see what the danger was and ordered me to stay with the children. But the fear of not knowing what was out there had compelled me to follow him. Then I saw her. Enormous, fierce and unyielding in her anger. As I recall her body now while everyone around me is asleep, I can see the ferocious beauty in her shimmering silver form as the light of the flames danced over her scales. There was grace in her flight as her massive form covered the sky. But I did not perceive that when she first invaded my life. The flames were so intense that I could feel my skin being sucked dry from the ferocity of the fiery scene before me. My parched lips felt wrinkled and blistered as the heat of the air burned through my throat. The glare and chaos were overwhelming. And then came the crash of the falling beam. Nicolous roared in pain as the searing beam crushed his leg and blistered his skin. I clawed at the burning timber, but I could not pull it from him. All around, logs crashed and littered the scorched ground. I called for Mareid. I had to risk the children being left alone without her to comfort them. If I could not lift the scorching beam Nicolous would surely die. I would not watch the father of my children perish in front of me. ” Mereid“, I screamed. “I need you now!” Maired, beautiful child, always came. But in her eyes, the panic was all-consuming. I had to squash my fear and direct her. I forced my mind to calm itself and talk her through what needed to be done. It took all my will, but she obeyed my instructions and heaved at the beam that trapped Nicolous. The clinging sweet smell of the charged flesh made me want to gag. And I felt as if the bile might rise to my throat. I prayed to God for strength. This was not the time to let fear control me. I had to focus to get that beam off. All the while, the creature kept roaring as fresh lashings of flames erupted from her. Then Mikael arrived. Defiant tears forced themselves from my eyes, as my heart squeezed at the sight of my innocent sweet boy. Little Mikael, with his little wooden cart. I saw his lips quiver and his eyes grow wide with fright. An urgency and panic swelled inside me, erupting in a wave of strength. I could not allow my son to watch his father being incinerated in front of him. “Oh, dear God, help us”, I prayed. I do not know how I found the strength. The beam felt unyielding, but together Maireid and I lifted it. I felt feint with the weight of the timber and spots of light danced before me. I could not succumb to a seizure now. Nicolous found the strength to help us, as he pushed the beam away after we had lifted it. His roar was all I heard at that moment when we were trying to protect the boy against the horror of our burning world. This is what it means to be a mother, to put your own fears aside for the ones you love. I can not say I was always this way. My own fears were once larger. I never imagined being a mother, having the strength to put their needs ahead of mine. But I have grown and somehow by quelling my children’s fears I put a blanket over my own hideous thoughts of inadequacy. By God’s grace we got that beam off. While the surrounding chaos continued, our unity cocooned us against it, as if we were witnessing it from afar. I thought that Nadine would probably sleep through it all. She slept through most things, even the birth of her brother. But then the beast circled again, and fresh flames formed a circle around us as the invading fire formation drove together us. Scorched trees fell around us and the villagers bunched together to escape them. Then we saw Nadine. She called to us from the other side of the flames, but I could not have her come. She had to stay safe. ”Nadine!” we screamed.” Stay away.” Suddenly we were falling, as the earth opened under us. I tried to grab for Mikael, but I lost him. At first the earth was yielding as the soil cushioned us. But then I heard the sickening crunch of bones colliding with the ground, as the crowd crushed some of the villagers. The impact with the rock and others falling on them brought death to us. The force of the fall crushed the wind of me. I struggled for air as my eyes wildly sort out Mikael and Mareid. Around me panicked adults crushed the young. But Mareid had found her brother and lifted him from the chaos. Her tear streaked face tore at my heart as I felt her despair. But we had to be strong. I pulled them close as we fought the sea of struggling bodies. Nicolous called for the boy and I lifted him onto his father’s shoulders, as we clung to the edge of the cold stone tunnel walls. Survival meant keeping away from the wave of panicked villages. I had to stop the wail of terror that threatened to erupt from me. A mother must be strong for her children. That strength can feel like both a blessing and curse. It keeps them feeling safe, but to do so I must deny my own emotions. I feel alone in my fear. But I cannot let the children see it. Nicolous, “Thank God for his height,” could see ahead. And we clung to him as we etched our way along the edge to an unknown future. Thoughts and fears collided in my mind, as they do now. But getting to safety was the overriding thought to which I had to cling. Worries of the future cannot help us now. I allow them to rise and then look at my children. Somewhere out there is Nadine.
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