Lisa Orbé-Austin's Blog, page 2
September 28, 2022
A Process for Overcoming Imposter Syndrome: The 3 C’s Model
#1 – Identify Your Origin Story
It begins with figuring out the unique factors that are central to your Impostor Syndrome. Everyone has their own story and reasons why their Impostor Syndrome developed. Discovering and identifying yours helps you to be readily prepared for your next step.
#2 – Know Your Triggers and Trap Doors
Your unique factors contribute to your triggers and being able to know what yours are can help you to take that all-important moment between triggers and reaction to choose another behavior (i.e., NOT one from your Impostor Syndrome repertoire).
#3 – Change Your Narrative
There is so much dialogue going on internally that is reinforcing your Impostor Syndrome. Voices that tell you that you are a fraud and incompetent and that the only way to keep others from learning this is to overwork, overfunction, and make no mistakes. But this isn’t true!
These and so many other thoughts keep us trapped in behaviors that continually support our Impostor Syndrome and don’t relay information that is reality-based and healthy for us. So, working on the stories that we tell ourselves that are only entrenching this system of belief further is critical for “restorying the narrative” to a more accurate one.
Phase 2: CHOOSE The 2nd Phase is about making conscious choices behaviorally to break the Impostor Cycle#4 Speak Your Truth
Once you have worked on the things that you need to tell yourself, you have to work on what you say to others and how you talk about yourself publicly; how you accept compliments; and with whom to share your Impostor Syndrome struggle and recovery.
#5 Silence Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANTs)
Next, it’s important to put those Automatic Negative Thoughts in their place. What thoughts are we talking about? We are talking about the thoughts that pop into your head when you are facing one or more of your triggers.
For example, when you are struggling with a task and you think:
“What’s wrong with me! These things should come easily now.”
Or if you make a mistake, and you think:
“OMG, everyone saw that. They must be thinking that I don’t deserve this opportunity that I am incompetent.”
What’s important is that we learn that:
“We are not our thoughts. We are the observer of our thoughts.”
-Amit Ray
It is critical to discover what ANTs are specifically connected to your Impostor Syndrome and to learn how to rationally respond to them with answers like:
“I made a mistake. I took accountability for it. We are all human. Everyone makes mistakes. There is room for mistakes in growing.”
…instead of eviscerating yourself for a mistake that reinforces the feelings of incompetence that underlie Impostor Syndrome.
#6 Value Your Self-Care
Impostor Syndrome also leaves us devaluing ourselves in the way that we prioritize self-care. Self-care is not just anything you do for entertainment or relaxation. It is any activity meant to fill your tank and give you a sense of rejuvenation. Not just mental (i.e., engaging in active problem solving – therapy, journaling, talking with mentors) rejuvenation, BUT ALSO physical (i.e., releasing physical stress, tension and taking care of the body – massage, exercise, yoga, stretching) and reflective (i.e., being present and in the moment – meditation, religious practices, mindfulness activities, and gratitude exercises).
It’s about hard booking these activities regularly into your schedule so that you are purposefully, conscientiously, and consistently filling your tank because burnout is a significant problem for people who struggle with Impostor Syndrome.
Phase 3: CREATEThe 3rd Phase is about creating environments around you that support your movement away from Impostor Syndrome
# 7 Experiment with New Roles
When we experience Impostor Syndrome, we can get stuck in rigid roles. Some of the common ones discussed are:
The Super Woman/Man – “I need to do the work of 3 people.”
The Natural Genius – “If I am truly intelligent, I shouldn’t need to work so hard.”
The Expert – “I must be the most knowledgeable person at the table.”
The Soloist – “I can’t work with others because if they make a mistake I will be responsible.”
The Perfectionist – “I need to do this perfectly and make no mistakes.”
It’s important to diversify the roles that we take up in the world. Some of the most valuable roles that people with Impostor Syndrome need to work on and try are:
The Help Seeker – seeking advice and assistance from others
The Risk-Taker – learning to take calculated risks for yourself and your dreams
The Collaborator – working on team cohesion
The Knowledge-Receiver – admitting knowledge gaps and learning from other experts
The Visible Leader –being more visible and prominent in high stakes situations
Learning to take up these new roles allows you to have a much broader perspective of yourself and a greater orientation toward learning and flexibility.
#8 Establish Your Dream Team
Struggling with Impostor Syndrome can often be a very lonely experience. It’s so important when you are working on overcoming it to NOT DO IT ALONE. You need to create a Dream Team of people around you to support you in your process. Some of the team member roles that are critical are:
The Mentor – a senior person in career experience
The Cheerleader – your supportive boost
The Grounder – your “go-to” for a reality check
The Action Planner – helps create a plan when you have an impostor-triggered issue
The Big-Picture Person – helps put things into perspective
The Impostor Expert – understands how Impostor Syndrome works (e.g., can be a fellow “Own Your Greatness” book club member)
Someone can hold more than one role, but it’s important to have more than one person on your dream team to have a variety of people you can reach out to especially while you are actively working to combat your Impostor Syndrome.
#9 – Understand and Create the Conditions for Optimal Performance
Learning how to be able to take all your new skills with you and recognize that it takes conscious interrupting of old behaviors and thoughtful practice of new behaviors to move away from Impostor Syndrome are vital for performing optimally without Impostor Syndrome as your guide. This means actually setting reminders for yourself about what you are trying to do instead and clear understanding of your triggers and old Impostor behaviors.
I hear a lot of people feel resigned when they discover they have Impostor Syndrome and yes, it does take a moment to process and recognize how Impostor Syndrome has played a role in your career, but when you are ready to address it, there are methods to use to make a less salient experience in your life. The key is addressing it head on and developing the tools and community you need to combat it.
We will be offering a companion course to the book in September. If you are interested in learning more, check out details about the 12-week course where you can get personalized coaching from us.
The post A Process for Overcoming Imposter Syndrome: The 3 C’s Model appeared first on Dynamic Transitions LLP.
Vulnerability and Compassion are Key Practices Integral to Combating Your Imposter Syndrome
Recently, I was on LinkedIn’s Hello Monday podcast hosted by Jessi Hempel discussing Imposter Syndrome and during the interview, I shared some of my own personal moments of career crises and impostor syndrome.
I received the kindest and most lovely comments about what I shared with many people identifying with my experiences and appreciating my openness and vulnerability. It left me thinking about the importance of being vulnerable with others and having compassion for yourself and their crucial roles in working on our Impostor Syndrome.
When you struggle with Imposter Syndrome, it’s very common to have the belief that it is critical to maintain the façade of competence, control, and the ability to handle almost anything. It’s the constant appearance of “I’m ok” even if it feels like you are crumbling on the inside – nobody needs to know. This faulty notion leads us to rarely ask for help, share our difficulties and avoid any appearance of vulnerability.
I remember very clearly when I was battling Imposter Syndrome, and stuck in an awful, punishing job, sharing the experience for the first time with a colleague (who became one of my closest friends and mentors). I recall in that stairwell how she looked at me. Looking back, I know she was looking at me with compassion, but what I saw through the distorted lens of Imposter Syndrome made my skin crawl and made me feel horribly embarrassed – I thought I saw PITY! It made me want to recoil, take it back and never mention it again, but she is amazing, kept on me and with me, and never let me run away. She kept asking about it and stood by me as I struggled for months to make a decision about what to do next.
When I share these vulnerable stories on podcasts and live broadcasts, I do it because I am asked and it’s the truth, but I also do it because I want to show you that it’s ok and that even an “expert” in the field can struggle, and struggle really badly. I want to normalize your experience and encourage you to share it with others. You don’t need to do this on a podcast, but you can share what’s really going on with the trusted people in your life. Just try one and you don’t need to tell them every detail of every story, but you can titrate what’s happening behind the façade in small doses. The small doses are useful as you practice your vulnerability and work to build real trust with a community and manage the anxiety that comes up from being vulnerable.
As you practice vulnerability around your Imposter Syndrome, remember:
To work on trusting the positive feedbackTo know that they won’t always “get it right” or say the appropriate thingTo give people in your trusted circle constructive feedback when it’s warranted about what you need in a given momentTo feel uncomfortable after being vulnerable is normal that’s why you titrate – to allow yourself to get used to experiencing it in small stepsIf you receive negative feedback after being vulnerable, find someone to support you while you process and make sense of it.While I received a lot of positive feedback for Hello Monday, I also received negative, critical feedback – mostly from people that I didn’t know, but at the same time wanted to join my network. (scratching my head)
Which brings me to compassion.
Along with the difficulty of being vulnerable comes a lack of compassion for ourselves, which is a hallmark of the Imposter Syndrome. We are usually very critical of ourselves, tolerating nothing less than perfection and constant achievement. While being vulnerable is a critical task for improving our experience of Imposter Syndrome and building our team around us, developing compassion for ourselves becomes central to both internalizing the positive messages being addressed to us; maintaining these relationships around us; and tolerating real growth.
Without compassion for ourselves, we can become very rigid, fragile and struggle with accepting feedback without self-flagellation, which can be exhausting and prevent us from taking risks, exposing our vulnerabilities, and in the end, keeps us wedded to the Imposter Syndrome cycle.
Having compassion for yourself doesn’t mean letting everything go and not holding yourself accountable. It means being kind to yourself when you do make mistakes because you realize that this is human. It means allowing yourself to stumble, not know, or be awkwardly outside of your comfort zone because it is critical to your growth and the conquering of your Imposter Syndrome.
Showing yourself compassion means:
Being conscious of the words you use to speak to yourself and about yourself;Valuing your self-care and demonstrating that through how it is prioritized in your life;Believing your dreams for yourself deserves time and space and should not be an afterthought;Internalizing your cheerleaders and not choosing to internalize your harshest critics;Treating yourself with kindness and recognizing that this will be more helpful to your advancement and future than criticism.The post Vulnerability and Compassion are Key Practices Integral to Combating Your Imposter Syndrome appeared first on Dynamic Transitions LLP.
Burnout, Impostor Syndrome & Beating the Cycle
In our day-to-day experiences, it’s so common to hear ourselves and others say, “I’m burned out” – however, usually that’s about it. We just acknowledge it and sometimes, so casually and cavalierly that we move on in the same ways that have brought about the burnout in the first place.
In 2019, the World Health Organization (WHO) acknowledged burnout as a medical diagnosis.
Once you have had an episode of burnout, you are more likely to experience the next episode even quicker, which makes it so important that you address and change the behaviors that have led to your burnout episodes. It’s the only way that you will recover from it and prevent it in the future. Otherwise, you can get into cycles of burnout where you only get a little bit of relief (only enough to reconnect with and reengage your the work) and then re-experience it in quick succession.
Recovering from burnout takes:
Noticing the habits and ways that you work that contribute to your burnout (e.g., overwork habits)Resetting expectations for yourself and others (i.e., supervisors and colleagues) about work hours and workloadAccepting your accomplishments and skills and staying away from habits that are about proving yourself over and over againSetting better boundaries at work and with the people in your lifeStructuring self-care that is replenishing and consistent (embedded in your day-to-day life)Working on delegation, not volunteering for everything, and being conscious of how you are managing your workloadDeveloping good task management and project management skillsYou have to make sure, as you work on your burnout, that you get enough relief to feel like you have bandwidth again, but just because you have the bandwidth and feel your tank being filled again, doesn’t mean you should go back to all the bad habits again although it can be tempting.
To prevent burnout from happening again, it’s important to:
Know your signs of becoming depleted (e.g., Do you feel irritable when additional things are asked of you? Do you start having nightmares about work?)Don’t replace overwork with procrastination (i.e., short-bursts of overwork)Value your well-being with actions and not just wordsKnow your triggers to overwork (e.g., a demanding and withholding manager and workplace cultures) and choose different ways of responding to the trigger besides overwork Be aware of Burnout Cultures and Bosses!Burnout culture typically looks like environments where:
Organizations expect you to be available 24-7There is no support or space for your personal lifeThere is no tolerance for mistakes and understanding that it’s a part of growthEmbarrassing people or talking behind their backs when they take their vacation and sick daysThese can be some of the boss types that can be particularly triggering for those with Impostor Syndrome to overwork and burnout (see image).
It’s important when you notice that you are experiencing burnout to do something strategic about it so that you can begin the recovery process. In addition, it’s critical to understand what has gotten you to this place so that you can make the personal changes and sometimes the plan to make organizational changes that will be critical to make your burnout cycles a thing of the past.
What have you been doing to work on your burnout? What’s been effective? What do you need to continue to work on?
The post Burnout, Impostor Syndrome & Beating the Cycle appeared first on Dynamic Transitions LLP.
How Perfectionism Gets in the Way of Overcoming Imposter Syndrome
Perfectionism can affect all aspects of your Imposter Syndrome. It can contribute to engaging in:
Overwrought and time-intensive task management processesManaging teams in exacting ways that don’t tolerate mistakes and/or allow for developmentally appropriate growth issuesUnfair comparisons typically make you feel worse about your accomplishmentsSetting unfair expectations to get things right immediately or implicating your intelligence if you don’tBeating yourself up for making mistakes, not completing things in short timelines, and being considered at the top of or best in your class/cohort/colleaguesGetting rid of your Imposter Syndrome means eliminating your perfectionism as well, and it can be really difficult to give up these behaviors because we often erroneously believe that the perfectionism and resulting behaviors are responsible for our success in life.
Perfectionism can have significant consequences that we often ignore:
I recently asked what else perfectionism was killing for people struggling with Imposter Syndrome and they shared these additional things:
Self-careJoyTimeAttention to your own goalsSpontaneityFriendshipsThe reason perfectionism can get in the way of your process of eliminating your Imposter Syndrome is that you can:
Focus on being perfect in picking up new skills, rather than tolerating your process of growthHave difficulty letting go of being perfect and the best, and how that functions to cover up for feelings of perceived inadequacy and fraudulenceBecome overly focused on “getting it right” rather than dealing with the emotional pieces of the processBecome intolerant of lapses in your work to overcome Impostor Syndrome and as a result, fall back into perfectionistic tendenciesSometimes, people feel like perfectionism is inherent to who they are as a person, and that it’s not reversible and cannot be changed. However, often perfectionism can be reinforced in our early experiences from these types of behaviors:
Understanding and doing an audit of the negative impact of your perfectionism, and what it is costing you can be helpful in not holding on to perfectionism, and using it as a crutch to cover for your true competence and abilities.
Letting go of perfectionism can require also being able to understand what you may be gaining in working on it, and choosing new non-perfectionistic behaviors.
So, how do you let go of perfectionism? There are a lot of potential interventions for perfectionism. Here are some that relate to changing your perfectionism when it comes to Impostor Syndrome:
Focus on the “good enough” not perfectLearn to understand mistakes as an aspect of growth, and not as a moment to chastise and beat yourself upWork on decreasing rumination about what others are thinking about you (usually negative things) and your non-perfect performanceAllow yourself to set realistic expectations without considering that “setting the bar too low”Develop an awareness of how your procrastination may be related to your perfectionismStop comparing yourself to othersAppreciate the beauty of compromise and collaborationValue self-compassion and know that it does not impair your performance or your ability to accomplish thingsLearning to combat your perfectionism can be very central to affecting your Impostor Syndrome, but it can really take developing an appreciation of how perfectionism is negatively impacting yourself and others.
What are the costs of perfectionism for you? What are the benefits of working on your perfectionism? What interventions on your perfectionism have you been working on?
The post How Perfectionism Gets in the Way of Overcoming Imposter Syndrome appeared first on Dynamic Transitions LLP.
Being Aware of Bias and Imposter Syndrome During Performance Reviews
Performance review time can be a very triggering time if you struggle with Impostor Syndrome. When you believe that you may be a fraud or incompetent, and you are asked to complete a self-review, it can be a time rife with self-sabotage & anxiety. Here are some suggestions for common behavioral responses to the performance review trigger and what you should try instead.
Performance reviews can also make you feel defensive especially when surprising critical feedback is delivered.
It can also be a time when you are getting messages from your organization that is coded in language that is quite ambiguous. This coded language requires investigation and decoding because it can provide information about the way an organization is or is not valuing its employees, evaluating your future at the organization, or conveying certain cultural standards.
Performance reviews can also be a time when unconscious bias is rampant. These biases are very common.
The last one on the chart is very important for all of us – Self-Rater Bias. It’s important to check in with yourself about how you’re feeling in general about yourself when you complete your self-review. Negative feelings about yourself can cause you to rate yourself lower than is accurate.
If you are a manager, the rest of them are important for you. It’s incredibly critical for you to be honest with yourself, and to want to improve your performance review process. Many managers have found themselves engaging accidentally in one or more of these biases. It’s fairly normal. What’s NOT ok, is knowing that these biases exist (and you may be engaging in them), and then ignoring them and not improving your performance review process. If you want to make a change, (I am thrilled that you have read this far – really proud of you for wanting more for yourself and others), here’s what you should consider doing instead:
Confirmatory Bias – Find a way to integrate all data. It’s ok for a narrative to be BOTH-AND and EITHER-OR. For example, it is possible for an employee to be excelling at technical tasks, but struggling with team management. It’s helpful to be able to provide all the feedback from the review narrative, not just one storyline.
Shifting Standards – Make sure you develop concrete targets and criteria and expectations are consistent. Get feedback from other managers if you are struggling with whether everyone is being rated on a similar scale.
Halo/Horns Effect – Give special attention to the review for employees that are your “Golden Child” and “Trouble Maker” – make sure you are being open to seeing areas for development for your “Golden Child” and being able to see areas of contribution and strength in your “Trouble Maker” – get additional support if this is a struggle for you.
Similarity Bias – Watch for situations in which you are drawn to supporting an employee because they are your “mini me” – get objective support to provide a critical eye on ways you could develop this employee better
Primacy Effect – Be careful about being rigidly wedded to your first impression – they are NOT always right. Take into account the entire period for which the person is being reviewed.
Recency Effect – Take really good notes on each of your employees throughout the review period and be careful not to evaluate them solely on a recent failure or even success.
Central Tendency Bias – Sometimes, this one is baked into the way that you MUST review because you are rating on a curve or only allowed to give a certain number of “1s” or “5s.” Instead, fight for your employees’ true scores even if you have to go to bat for them or provide supplemental documentation to warrant their rating, and even if it violates the distribution – not every team falls nicely into a curve because the sample size is too small. Teams are often 5-20, not hundreds of people large.
Also, get away from the punitive notion that everyone is a C and then only exceptional employees get As and Bs. This can lead to driving employees in very unhealthy ways. If an employee does their job in a way that meets the criteria for the assessment grade, give it to them. No matter how many others do – it means you hire and manage great talent; not that you are a softy or a bleeding heart.
Leniency Bias – If you have trouble with conflict, this one can often get you. Make sure that if an employee needs to work on particular skills that you give them that feedback and if you struggle to even identify the pieces of feedback, gather collateral data from clients, partners, and other stakeholders who worked with this person.
Idiosyncratic Rater Bias – It’s important to value skills that you don’t have, but you should not overvalue them even if the employee’s skills have been covering for your own deficits. It’s a useful moment to identify what the skill deficits are and begin to develop a plan to work on them, as related to your role. Also, if you are particularly fantastic at a certain skill, you should be very aware of any tendency to be hypercritical of others, in that area. Other raters can be helpful in getting a reasonable appraisal of their skill level on the particular area.
Performance review time can be a very difficult time, fraught with a lot of anxiety and potential for bias, and impacting someone’s career negatively unnecessarily. Find the time to give your review and your direct reports’ reviews the time that they need and deserve, to reduce any bias from the process, and to provide the necessary feedback that encompasses their/your performance from the entire period.
What performance review best practices have you incorporated into your process?
The post Being Aware of Bias and Imposter Syndrome During Performance Reviews appeared first on Dynamic Transitions LLP.
Stop Gaslighting Women Experiencing Imposter Syndrome
As a psychologist, who writes and speaks about Imposter Syndrome often, I felt compelled to respond to the article that Harvard Business Review recently published entitled “Stop Telling Women They Have Imposter Syndrome.” It is one of a rash of new articles and posts on social media indicating that oppression is the cause of Imposter Syndrome and that eradicating it is the solution. While I do appreciate the concerns raised by the authors around how oppression and discrimination play a role in Imposter Syndrome, I do not support some of their premises which are factually inaccurate. In the article, I want to clear up some details that are detrimental to the many women who have had the courage to share and be vulnerable in their declaration of experiencing Imposter Syndrome.
The concept of Imposter Syndrome is more than 40 years old. In HBR article, the authors refer to it as a diagnosis. It is NOT and never has been a mental health diagnosis, and cannot be found in any diagnostic manual neither the DSM 5 nor the ICD 10. Drs. Pauline R. Clance and Suzanne A. Imes, who initially formulated the concept, used the term Imposter Phenomenon, expressly for the purpose of differentiating it from a diagnostic condition, and to not pathologize women or anyone else experiencing it. We, in society and in the press, have felt more comfortable with the term Imposter Syndrome and took on that term in the popular vernacular. To this day, Drs. Clance and Imes insist on the term, Impostor Phenomenon.
The article also mischaracterized the experience of Imposter Syndrome, suggesting that it consists of “a universal feeling of discomfort,” “mild anxiety” and “second-guessing.” This is not a useful description of the experience. This kind of definition leads many to be included in the experience, when they may not be struggling with it.
Imposter Syndrome is characterized by a pervasive feeling that you are a fraud or incompetent, even when you are highly accomplished, and have credentials, experience, and skills that can be well documented. As a result of these feelings of fraudulence or incompetence, you either overwork or self-sabotage to manage the performance anxiety that results from highly visible, new, or triggering tasks. Further, those who experience impostor syndrome have difficulty internalizing their achievements and believe their success is a result of luck, a mistake, or a key relationship.
Imposter Syndrome is not Universal
The authors also state in the article that imposter syndrome is universal. It is not. The research finds that about 70% of people experience it at some point in their life. There is not a single study that finds that everyone with some discriminatory or oppressive experience has Imposter Syndrome.
Not everyone has it– some people are actually able to build the skills to overcome it, some people never experience it at all, and some even have the opposite experience known as the Dunning-Krueger effect (e.g., when you have low ability, but overestimate your competency.) Workplace oppression is NOT synonymous with causing Imposter Phenomenon. There are many ways to react to workplace oppression, not just one.
Toxic and discriminatory experiences can trigger your Imposter Syndrome, but from the research and scholarship on the phenomenon, it is not what originates or is the foundation of this experience. There are many childhood experiences and familial dynamics that typically set the stages. That’s why a vast amount of people experience it, including men and other privileged groups as well. You can see from the image below some, but not all, of the childhood experiences and family dynamics that can be involved.
All oppressed people do not experience Imposter Syndrome
I do agree with the authors’ contention that discriminatory and oppressive experiences at work can affect one’s ability to overcome it. We discuss it as the “double impact” of Imposter Syndrome, which is the experience that while you are feeling that you are a fraud internally, that simultaneously the external world, as it perpetrates discriminatory behaviors toward you, related to your salient identity(ies), conveys to you that you are considered an imposter or incompetent, and/or receiving unfair advantage based on your identity. This serves to make the experience significantly harder to overcome, because you are contending with the internal and external experience of being told you are an imposter, one that may serve to reinforce early personal narratives, and the other that serves to reinforce historically & culturally oppressive narratives.
The research over the 40 years on Imposter Phenomenon has addressed some of the diverse experiences of those who are struggling with it. However, there is clearly much more work to be done in terms of research on diverse populations and intersectionality. In addition, in none of those articles currently in the literature, is any researcher or scholar attempting to “fix” anyone, as that is not how the field of psychology approaches any issue? Rather, the approach has been to offer informed interventions and support for changing the experience of Imposter Syndrome for many, who do experience it, in order to decrease its impact on one’s overall functioning. Empirical studies have found that those with Imposter Syndrome can experience lower job satisfaction, greater organizational commitment, reduced knowledge of the job market, and be less optimistic about their career.
Systems are oppressive AND you can combat your experience of Imposter Syndrome
We certainly believe that we must combat oppression in the workplace, but we definitely don’t think it’s a good idea to wait until oppression is finally conquered, before we support individuals in overcoming the experience of Imposter Syndrome. We also think it’s incredibly important to counter Imposter Syndrome triggering workplaces, where organizational cultures benefit from maintaining Impostor Syndrome in their employees, because they work harder for the organization, and look for approval from oppressive forces. It is possible to really change your experience of Imposter Syndrome, even while oppression still happens. It’s actually incredibly necessary for those of us from oppressed groups to tackle our Imposter Syndrome in the midst of oppression because it influences our ability to maximize our own career potential and the impact that we can make.
Most women, with whom we have worked, and who have spoken about identifying themselves as having had, or someone mentioning to them that they might be struggling with, Imposter Syndrome feel freed and find community, not burdened, by understanding what has been plaguing them all these years. When they can work on building the skills, tools, and community to really minimize their experience of Imposter Syndrome, they feel a sense of incredible agency over their future. It’s when they have no solutions to address the feelings, and it is suggested that systemic issues must be eradicated before they can ever have some semblance of control, that they tend to feel helpless.
Let’s stop gaslighting women when they say they are experiencing Imposter Syndrome. With more and more people sharing their experiences of it, it has finally made it more normalizing to discuss it. It often takes women so long to disclose this experience to others – it does not benefit them to tell them that it doesn’t exist.
Shall we instead trust our society to eradicate racism, xenophobia, sexism, homophobia, and any other oppressive systems before we deal with the experience of Imposter Syndrome?
That is a terrifying and overly optimistic proposition because society has failed to do so thus far. When you struggle with Imposter Syndrome, you don’t feel agency – some of the best things you can do for yourself are to take charge of your experience, make decisions about how you want to address it, and not wait for the systemic oppression to end.
Unfortunately, there are so many current misconceptions about imposter syndrome, and we feel it is our mission to consistently debunk myths about it, in order to support those who are struggling with it, especially those individuals from oppressed groups, who suffer from its double impact. We hope this article will provide an opportunity for further dialogue about the complexities of Imposter Syndrome, the true impact of oppression, and how to continue to educate the population as a whole.
The post Stop Gaslighting Women Experiencing Imposter Syndrome appeared first on Dynamic Transitions LLP.
August 19, 2020
Impostor Triggering Work Cultures and Bosses and How to Care for Yourself
We spend so much of our time oriented toward work and so the workplace becomes a very important space that affects our sense of self. When you struggle with Impostor Syndrome, it’s worth taking some time to audit some of the environmental experiences that may be contributing to your reactive response and vulnerability to feeling like a fraud or incompetence.
It’s often said that the #1 contributor to employees leaving jobs is difficulty with a manager. According to 2019 research study, 57% of people quit jobs because of issues with a manager. In addition, when there are cultural factors in the workplace set up in ways that prioritize the advancement of the business over valuing the development of the humans that make up their workforce, it can set up the perfect conditions for intense experiences of Impostor Syndrome.
The types of workplace cultures that can trigger Impostor Syndrome are ones that do the following:
First, when your performance objectives and goals are constantly shifting, it never gives you the comfort of knowing that you are reaching your targets, and can leave you with this constant sense of having to prove yourself, which is very triggering for people experiencing impostor syndrome
Work cultures that severely punish mistakes and where perfectionism is the goal are rife for Impostor Syndrome because they cause you to feel like you will never be good enough, and therefore must constantly work harder to show that you belong.
Organizations that support stars and scapegoats where there is little room for growth or changing people’s perceptions can leave you feeling very vulnerable because even the stars on the inside are insecure because they know their status is tenuous and they could lose it if they make a visible error. The title of star is usually very fragile and easy to fall from.
Work cultures where there are no boundaries between your personal and professional life, in which you are on call 24 hours a day, there is little or no privacy at work, and overworking is rewarded, can sustain impostor syndrome feelings because when you have Impostor Syndrome, it is very difficult to set boundaries, to care for yourself and make yourself a priority.
These Impostor triggering dynamics in these work environments are not accidental. They often drive unhealthy levels of productivity in their employees and are not interested in the impact and the destruction that they are causing to the people in their organizations. Their main goal is their bottom line.
These cultures also sometimes supported by managers that are toxic and ignite Impostor Syndrome. Some of the common types of bosses that trigger Impostor Syndrome are:
Withholding Bosses – These are bosses that restrict feedback to rare occasions or whose feedback is very restrained or muted. They often expect unrealistically perfect performance in order to give positive feedback.
When working with these types of bosses, it’s helpful to:
Not seek positive and constructive feedback from them for validation or even a fair evaluation of your performance
Construct a coalition of mentors and colleagues (internally and externally) that can offer career guidance
Work on being able to ascertain from positive feedback from others your possibilities for advancement or whether this boss will be a block to your advancement
Learn to appreciate your own contributions and successes and have a plan for your own future
Don’t rely on them to guide or support your career in a useful way
Prove It To Me Bosses – These types of bosses require that you prove yourself constantly to them. They are bosses that constantly change the goal posts, make you feel like you are only as good as your last project and sometimes also use other employees to threaten your position or play them against you.
To handle them strategically, you may want to consider:
Setting standards and goals for yourself
Celebrating every one of your wins
Coalition building in the organization so you don’t feel alone
Not getting caught up in splitting behavior with other employees (see them as victims of this behavior, too)
Erratic Bosses – These bosses are unpredictable and unstable in the way that they show up at work and can be difficult to understand as a result of this. It can be very unstable in workplaces with these types of bosses because you never know what mood they’ll show up in and their mood dictates the entire mood of the workplace.
To support yourself with an Erratic Boss, it’s important to:
Find a way to stabilize yourself before entering the workplace or working directly with them (e.g., meditation, breathing)
Set boundaries — find ways to shut your door, not respond to every whim, and seem at the beck and call of their erratic behavior
Build coalitions in the workplace to be strategic and ground yourself regarding what you are experiencing
Don’t let yourself get caught in the emotional waves they set in motion; stay away from them as much as is possible
Insecure bosses – This type of boss micromanages and nitpicks at your work. Typically, they are not comfortable with their position and very concerned about how your performance will reflect on them. They struggle to take up their role in comfortable ways.
To care for yourself with this type of boss, you may want to:
Work on not letting their insecurities become your own
Find ways to assert your independence on projects
Be careful to examine their feedback for projections of their insecurity on your work
Be aware of ways in which you are propping them up and potentially losing opportunities for yourself to shine
Perfectionistic bosses – This is the type of boss that expects perfection in everything you do and nothing less. Bosses like this want everything to be perfect and just so. They can be very particular about the way things are done, believe there is only one way to do things (“the right way”) and exacting in their feedback.
To be strategic with this type of boss, you may want to reassert and focus on the ideas of a growth mindset and:
Know that everyone makes mistakes
Acknowledge that in failure and mistakes, we learn and grow
It’s impossible to do tasks exactly the way they do
It’s ok and healthy to find your own voice in the work
When you are in situation with a work culture like the ones described and managers who reinforce them, taking care of yourself and being strategic are key to your survival and managing your Impostor Syndrome.
What do you do or what have you done when you have been in one of these situations to manage your Impostor Syndrome and care for yourself?
If you want to learn more, check out my book on Impostor Syndrome, called “Own Your Greatness: Overcome Impostor Syndrome, Beat Self-Doubt and Succeed in Life.”
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July 26, 2020
When Summer Ends and Work Begins: Advance Your Career or Stagnate
I have always hated those Back to School commercials, which seemed to signal the end of the summer for me. When I was in grade school, they would start airing them in mid-August. Marketers now begin to show these commercials in the middle of July. Even though many of us are no longer in school, those commercials still mean that our summer mode of functioning is nearing its completion. No matter our industry, we can tend to shift to a different way of operating from June-August, letting up a bit on the career advancement pedal. As the last few weeks of August give way to September, our summer reverie will begin to revert back to a more intense workload and final quarter goals. Thoughts of Summer Fridays, and our beach share will slowly fade into pleasant memories. Although career advancement planning should be a year round endeavor, unless we are actively in a job search, we may be apt to neglect it during the summer months. Therefore, now is the time to refocus your efforts. Here are three quick tips to become more active in your career advancement, to prevent stagnation and to promote growth:
Create your Career Resolutions Now– whether you are seeking a new job or a promotion, now is the time to consider your New Year’s career resolutions. For example, if you want a new role by 2016, you need to start updating your resume, networking, and exploring options now. If want a raise or a promotion in the New Year, you should be positioning yourself to gain additional responsibilities or key projects during this last quarter of the year. Think about 2-3 resolutions and prepare to address them today. If you are stuck, reach out to mentors, friends, or a career coach, to identify manageable goals and your strategy to accomplish them.
Reaffirm your Value Proposition– in our current knowledge economy, employers tend to place more of a premium on your skills and accomplishments, rather than on only your previous experience. Many of us tend to undervalue our work-related attributes. Therefore, it is important for you to consider what will make you marketable, whether you are changing careers, or seeking to advance in your current job. Think about your leadership and problem solving skills, or your sales or operations acumen. Don’t solely focus on your skills gaps, which can be addressed, but rather build your confidence by clearly articulating and leveraging your strengths.
Integrate Networking into your Daily Routine– we have been told about the power of networking ad nauseam. Unfortunately, it can feel forced, anxiety-provoking or overwhelming. However, the good news is that we are more connected than ever, thanks to technology. Despite this connectedness, I find that many of us do not network as often as we should. That is, although we are active on a variety of social media platforms, we do not adequately discuss our career plans and goals with our contacts. We believe that networking should only be done when we need a job. This attitude increases the pressure we feel about networking. Instead, it may be more helpful to view networking as consistent relationship building. Therefore, you can make it a part of your daily routine. Whether it is connecting with more people on LinkedIn, catching up with former colleagues for coffee, participating in online groups or in-person Meet-Ups, networking should be as natural as getting your cup of coffee each morning. With constant practice, it will become less threatening and more comfortable.
These tips are meant to bolster your career advancement, and to ensure that you are reaching your potential for long term career success and satisfaction. So make sure to enjoy these last few weeks of summer, while preparing for the next chapter of your career journey!
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Make Friends and Seek Advice: 3 Tips for Workplace Success
While the August jobs report may have captured most of the headlines, I was more fascinated about two recent NYTimes articles. The first discussed the decline of friendship building in U.S. workplaces. The other discussed the importance of seeking advice at work, despite many people’s reluctance to do so. I could not help viewing them as linked. If you are friendly with your colleagues, it should be easier to seek their advice. In my last post, I talked about the importance of networking, which I would like to expand on today. While the water cooler may no longer be the place to congregate with co-workers, it is still critical for your own career advancement to develop meaningful confidantes, even friends, in the workplace. Despite technology providing a rich array of ways for us to connect, it seems that many U.S. workers are often alone in a crowd. I often ask my clients, who may be facing some tension at work, to identify their office allies, individuals who they can seek out for support. Many give me a blank stare, and find it difficult to name one person, if any at all. Allies, oftentimes mentors, are crucial for individuals to learn the unwritten rules of their office, and to navigate the unspoken politics, in order to advance. Whether you are an entry-level employee or a seasoned veteran at a new job, the following are tips for successful networking at work:
1) Prioritize meeting colleagues
Your assigned work duties are only one aspect of your job. One of your other primary tasks is to build a network of trusted colleagues. We sometimes focus too much on networking outside of work. However, no matter how busy your workload is, you should include networking on the job as a part of your weekly work routine. It may mean something as simple as going to lunch or having coffee once a week with a different co-worker. Also, make sure to attend afterwork social events, to further deepen connections. Amidst the grind of our everyday work duties, we can neglect the value of human engagement, much to our detriment.
2) Find allies
Whether in your work teams, departments, or affinity groups, it is critical for you to engage with like-minded, supportive people. Although many of our work environments may engender a culture of competition and mistrust, you need to take a leap of faith to connect with some colleagues. Relationship building takes time, so think of it as a marathon rather than as a sprint, and realize that it may involve trial & error (i.e. you may not connect well with everyone you try to engage). Don’t be discouraged, remain optimistic that there are other folks like you in your office.
3) Seek advice and demonstrate your consideration of it
The article on advice-seeking indicated that most people don’t ask for assistance, due to a fear of appearing incompetent. Nonetheless, the article also suggested that most people don’t listen to advice, even when they need it. The irony of this is that the advice (that you’re not getting for fear of looking incompetent) may prevent you from actually being seen as incompetent. Therefore, it is important to embrace the reality that advice-seeking can improve others’ impressions of you in both perception and reality. Further, even if you don’t heed it fully, make sure to thank your colleague for his or her advice, and be able to articulate how you have used it or plan to use it. Also, be aware, if you continually blow off or dismiss advice, it can have a negative impact on your image. So, make sure to integrate the useful elements of any advice, which is given.
While these tips may not result in you taking family vacations with your co-workers (which is common in other countries), they should enable you to feel more engaged and connected at work, while creating a professional community that will benefit you today and in the future.
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July 25, 2020
Apps and Algorithms Won’t Save You: Improving Social Skills at Work
Some of my tech colleagues believe that all our world needs is to be better organized around algorithms. In their minds, everything can be simplified (e.g. shopping, getting a driver, losing weight, dating, etc.) through the use of the right code. You have a problem, “There’s an app for that!” is their mantra. For these colleagues, total automation is the true nirvana and ultimate goal. In this reality, algorithms will create the perfect world, with humans exerting minimal effort to guide their lives. I have never bought into this notion. As a psychologist, I recognize that the beauty of human engagement is tied to the imperfections & nuances of it. While technology continues to improve certain aspects of our lives, the joy of our existence is not solely based on neat algorithms, but rather on some of the more unpredictable parts, namely social interactions, which require a human touch. While we may acknowledge the value of social skills in our personal life, we may tend to take it for granted in our professional spaces. However, a recent study suggests that the labor market actually rewards social skills, and they should be considered a critical element for career advancement. If this is an area in which you struggle, here are some simple, non-automated tips to help increase your social skills in the workplace:
Consider people not things first– in your quest to get the job done quickly, to make that perfect product, or to hit that elusive sales target, you may become so enamored of things (e.g. metrics), at the expense of people. Ultimately, individuals are who will determine your advancement possibilities. If your direct reports don’t like you, they are less apt to contribute to your success. If your manager doesn’t feel connected to you, he or she may not provide you with a stellar performance review or advocate for your promotion. Therefore, you should always take into consideration the impact of your style on work colleagues (e.g. managers, direct reports, team members), and be willing to modify it accordingly.
Take time to engage person to person- with the emergence of social media platforms, apps, and other indirect forms of communication, we can easily hide behind our technology walls. However, nothing will make greater impact than taking time from your workday to actually speak to your colleagues, to develop an emotional connection. If you feel that you are too busy for such engagement, you should add it to your work to-do list and view it as a productive, mandatory part of your day.
Seek out opportunities to work in groups- if your work environment is not already set up for you to work in groups, volunteer to work on projects that involve group interaction or join company committees that naturally involve such engagement. By working in a group, you can practice your social skills and also ask for feedback while doing so.
Filter before you speak or act- you may feel that you are being “real” by saying and doing what you feel in the workplace. However, this behavior may be to your detriment. Thinking about the impact of your words and actions in the workplace will benefit you, without sacrificing the integrity of your personhood. The way you act or talk with colleagues should be a bit different than how you engage normally with trusted friends and family members. For instance, some work colleagues may not get or appreciate your sarcasm, and may feel that you are just mean or insensitive. Therefore, it is crucial that you take the time to do the social calculations necessary before offering your verbal response or action.
Adjust your approach- social flexibility is a key element of emotional intelligence. You have to be able to read the room, or the moment. By doing so, you can assess what is needed and successfully provide it. For instance, one situation may call for some humor to lighten the mood, while another may require a more pensive, serious approach. Maintaining flexibility will enable you to build social capital, which is helpful in engendering goodwill and bolstering your career prospects.
If social skills are not a part of your core competencies, it is essential that you take the time to cultivate them for long-term career success and satisfaction. If they are already an area of strength, you should continue to utilize them for your career progress. The responsibility to nurture these skills is in your hands, even if there is an for app for that!
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