Susan L. Fink's Blog, page 3

Go Ask Your Mother!

 (Originally published in Epoch Times, January 10, 2022)

My mom’s pink and white pajamas fit me well. The soft material makes me feel surrounded by one of her hugs. Because she had lost a lot of weight, I inherited some of her barely worn clothes. Communication was now muddled from my mother’s pain and medications. My regrets grew as her health declined. Why hadn’t I spent more time, asked questions, and learned more about her life?

My encouragement to young people is this: have an urgency in treating the elderly as fascinating, living history lessons. If you have a special interest or curiosity about a certain time period, war, or political action, find someone who experienced it. What were the activities of daily living like 60 or more years ago, and what hardships did they include? What reactions did they see when a war ended, man reached the moon, or other noteworthy events? How large was their childhood home, and how many people lived in it? What was their first job, and who was a mentor? Ask them how difficult it has been to adjust to a fast-changing world of technology.

If you don’t have the blessing of older folks in your family, ask a church, senior center, or assisted living home for a recommendation. I’ve been surprised at the accuracy of memories and the honesty of feelings shared. Often, people will feel valued as you ask questions and show interest. Every aged person needs that. 

Perhaps an “oldie but goodie” can teach you a hands-on skill that not too many people have. There will always be something new to learn. And if it’s from your own relative, you might learn about yourself!

Susan L. Fink, Wisconsin

RX for Holiday Stress

It has begun!  Snow or no, I approach the holidays with a flurry of hurry!  Every year I vow to make this season a slower paced, more meaningful, (and less materialistic) Christmas. After all, why should the celebration of Christ’s humble birth be observed with an overabundance of decorating, feasting and gifts?

Why do I take on the responsibility for most, if not all, holidays preparations? Is it fear that it won’t be done properly or on time?  One reason may be a yearning to have all my loved ones under the roof for at least a few hours. With three married children who have in-law obligations and various travel times, getting together takes planning and prayer.  (I admit to using visit-your mother guilt if it helps!) 

And if I want to appear sane when family members arrive, my “things to get done before Christmas” list needs to be manageable. The following are strategies to help prevent holiday season overload.

1. PRICELESS PAST  Looking at previous holidays, what are the most meaningful memories? Attending a Christmas worship service is a poignant reminder of the miracle of Jesus’ birth.  Singing traditional hymns with my musically talented family evokes joy .   

2. DETAILED DECORATING? When my kIds were young, it was a fun to create and display their own Christmas-themed art, especially on a tree. Each year since the nest emptied, I reduce my stash of ornaments, lights, stockings, and seasonal wall hangings.  If I can’t quite part with something, it is packed away, saving the decision for the following year.  Less decorations = less to put up = less to take down= simpler, calmer Christmas. 

3. GIFT GLEANING  Many believe several wise men started the gift-giving tradition over 2,000 years ago to honor the Christ-child.  As a Christ-follower, do my gift selections reflect this purpose? It is not a only a blessing, but it's fun for me to chose and give gifts. My grown children most often let me know what they'd need and appreciate.  Because I love surprised, grateful faces, I must admit I often give too much! 

And when my loved ones ask, "Mom, what do you want for Christmas?"  I believe they already know. Time with loved ones to pray, feast and sing, is more valuable than gold, frankincense and myrrh. 

               May the meaning of Immanuel: God with us, bring you JOY!

Obligatory Gratitude List

 Copy and paste from link below.    Have a blessed Thanksgiving!

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A Summary of Scripture Using Three-fifteens

Have you noticed there are a lot of important truths in the third chapters and fifteenth verses of various books in the Bible? 

Challenge a family member or friend to help you locate, write out and remember these special 3:15s. Then dig in and find some more!

 

Genesis 3:15   A Savior is promised

Exodus 3 :15    God’s name and identity

Joshua 3:15 & 16   Crossing into the Promised Land

Ecclesiastes 3:15   Nothing is new, but all are accountable to God

Jeremiah 3:14,15   The Lord promises good shepherd to lead his chosen

Joel 3:15   End times prophecy

Obadiah 15   The day of the Lord is near

Matthew 3:15   John consents to baptize Jesus

Luke 3:15,16   John’s work points to Jesus

John 3:14-17   Belief in Jesus’ sacrifice for sin =eternal  life

I Corinthians 3:16   You are God’s temple

Philippians 3:13-15   Pressing toward the goal of heaven

Colossians 3:15   The peace of Christ and our grateful  response

II Timothy 3:15-17   The blessings and use of Scripture

Hebrews 3:15   Don’t harden your heart against God’s voice

I Peter 3:15   Be prepared to share the hope of Christ

II Peter 3:15   The Lord’s patience = salvation

I John 3:15,16   Love is Christ allowing his own death

Revelation 3:15,16   Luke-warm Christians make Jesus sick

For more ideas about Bible memorization, motivation and fun ideas for personal and family devotions, see; Developing a Devoted Family by Susan L Fink  on Amazon . (Free on Kindle).   Your kind book review will help others find and enjoy this book.

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The Death of Hospitality

 Dear Mrs. Fink,

We regret to inform you of the recent demise of hospitality.

 As you know, this ancient custom of welcoming strangers (as Abraham did in Old Testament times), was also demonstrated in the New Testament as hosts would feed, house and wash the feet of their guests. Throughout history, hospitality was a common practice, with variances according to culture and standards of living.

Those who travel outside of the U.S. report there are homes and vacation locations where generous kindness can still be found.

Perhaps you have noted how American hospitality has been in hospice care during the recent past.  The symptoms were first seen where economics enabled purchases beyond simple life needs.  The pattern of working more to buy and “recreate” more, has progressed generation by generation.  Families now exchange social opportunities for running children to extracurricular activities and entertainment. Hospitality practices also grew weaker when bigger houses were needed for more possessions, requiring more employment hours away from home.

The coroner report indicated the cause of death was partially from “fear of entertaining/cooking for guests.” This health issue changed the definition of “Let’s do lunch” from homes to impersonal restaurants. The remaining determining factor of hospitality’s demise included abnormal communication patterns due to screen-text addiction.

No funeral has been planned.

All interested parties are welcome to view a virtual CELEBRATION OF LIFE on January 1, 2022. Professor Emeritus H.J. Noparty (UW) will review hospitality through the ages.

Please feel free to share this information with whom you think may be interested.

Regards,

Timothy, Peter and Romans, Associates

No Purpose For Old Folks

                                             
  Louise Hawkins slowly drove her car into the handicapped parking spot. The familiar crunch sound on the front license plate reminded her, once again, of the cement barrier.

  A young-sounding female voice came bouncing out of the car’s radio speakers, “God has wonderful opportunities for you to serve him today. All you need to do is ask and watch.”

  “Ha!” Louise responded, pulling the keys out of the ignition, “That’s not always the case for us over-the-hill gang. My big opportunity for today might just be getting out of this car without falling on my fanny!”

  With careful choreography, sliding her legs to the side of the seat, Louise put one hand on the steering wheel  and a solid grip on the cane with the other. Moving gingerly, she successfully stood outside of the car. 

  It had been a usual morning of fatigue and stiff joints. “Lord, I know you’re with me, but if could you please tell that  Mr. Art Ritis to not be my constant companion I would surely appreciate it.”

  As was her custom, thoughts blended with prayer. “I'm sorry God.  I do need to apologize for my sassy attitude! But what possible purpose could you have for me? My body is not exactly in missionary shape. Remind me again how saint Paul could be content sitting in a stinky jail. Maybe then I will remember it's a blessing to buy my own groceries!”

  Retrieving a smaller size grocery cart, Louise placed her tri-pod cane inside it. The automatic door swung open into the produce section. ”$1.99 for watermelon?” She said out loud. “That’s a good price!” 

  The produce employee had been balancing melons on a display. “Yep it sure is.  We often have good deals here. Would you like one? I can put it in your cart”

  “Yes, thank you. That’s a heavy job for you isn’t it?“  Mrs. Hawkins’s habit of encouragement had continued from her teaching days.

  “Oh this isn’t heavy. And I really enjoy this job. It sure helps pay the bills when you’ve got teens in the house.”  Louise noticed  the name “Caryn” as the employee talked.

  “Oh, teenagers, what a difficult time that is, with all the pressures against them now-a-days.  I pray for them…  Do your kids have good friends?  That’s what I asked God for even when my three were little!  Good Christian friends, to influence them, and a good church to support your family too.”

  “My daughter has good friends so far, but yes, it is a high stress world for them.  We don’t really have a church, but…”

  “Well,  you might want to think about connecting with one.  One that teaches the whole Bible, like mine does. God has a plan.”

  “Yes he does." Caryn agreed as she got out price stickers and continued to work.

   Louise said a silent prayer for Caryn and her family, as she picked out the best banana bunch. 

  Maneuvering the cart past the deli section, Louise had to wind around several bakery displays sticking out into the aisle.  She was thinking, "They do that just to tempt people!" as she made  her way to the pharmacy. Louise always enjoyed talking to the pharmacist, whom she had trusted for advice over many years.  “Well hello Mrs. Hawkins how are you?” Gregg smiled.

 “Well if I was a 100% I guess I wouldn’t need this prescription would I?  But by God’s grace I am still kicking .  My beautiful, perfect granddaughter just moved to town! What a blessing!  How about you? Get to see your grandchildren much?”

 “I do and it is a joy.  Don’t know how school is gonna go this year with the masks, or if they go online again. They need social time.  How can my daughter get her first grader to sit still and work on a computer, even half a day?” Gregg was smiling but shaking his head.

 “Oh my gosh that is a lot! I feel so badly for the teachers too.  There are several families I know who did homeschooling last year.  This year they are sending their grade-schoolers to Christian schools. The kids get lots of attention with small classrooms, not to mention teachers who pray for them. “  Just then  Louise wished she had a flyer in her purse with the area churches and church schools listed.  Might come in handy for times like this.

 “Hey that’s an idea. I’ll tell my wife “grandpa” needs to retire so he can homeschool our eleven grandchildren. Ha ha.  I don’t think that will fly. I always enjoy talking with you Mrs. Hawkins. Any questions on your medications?”

 “No, they are working well for me. And I am grateful. Well, I’ll see you in a month. God bless you and that big family!”

  Mrs. Hawkins began to push her cart down the main aisle one more time, trying to remember what else was on her shopping list, that she had forgotten at home. “Let’s see, coffee? No. Eggs?  I think Randy will bring some fresh to Bible study tonight…Hello Trystan!” Mrs. Hawkins went from quietly talking to herself to loudly greeting  the cashier.  Trystan had been one of her many Sunday School students. “ Did I hear a rumor that you got married? “

 Trystan smiled broadly and a bit of color reddened her face. “Yes I did, a month ago.”

 “He better be a polite young man and very good to you!   And is he a Christian?”

“Yes he is, Mrs. Hawkins. In fact Jax is taking membership classes," she answered as Louise’s purchases were rung up, bagged, and paid for.

 “That is so good to hear!  God will help you both grow closer to Him and to each other.” The news had produced a big, hope-filled smile. “ I will pray for you both.”

  Eddie, the bagger, as he often did, slowly pushed the cart out of the store with Louise holding on to it. Placing the two grocery bags in the car, his head nodded.  “No, Mrs. Hawkins, I’m not supposed to take tips. This is my job to help you.”

 “Just take it as a favor to me.“ Louise said, squeezing $3 into his hands.  Opening the driver's door, Eddie made sure she was safe as she climbed in.  “Besides, what other purpose do I have today than to help pay for your lunch?” 

   As Mrs. Hawkins headed for home, she heard herself humming a favorite hymn.

                                                                                        

                       (Based on a true story. Names have been changed to protect the guilty. ;)

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Would you like to be notifying when …

SELF-CARE: SACRED OR SELFISH? AN INTERACTIVE GUIDEBOOK TO MYTHS AND MISUNDERSTANDINGS is released or available for purchase?  

Please email me at graceitforward@outlook.com  or see https://www.facebook.com/susan.l.fink

Empty Nest Empathy

 

When you hear the phrase “empty nest” what picture comes to your mind?  Do you see a determined eagle shoving her baby over a nest edge, then scooped up to safety with her own wings?  Or might you imagine your dream home bereft of Barbie and Lego-covered floors, quiet in place of perpetual washing machine whirling, and a kitchen void of continuous food chores?  

If you are in the midst of child-raising adventures, are you dreading or will you be celebrating when your kiddos leave home? If your children have already stepped over the welcome mat to independence, how are the adjustments going?

In the book, Barbara & Susan’s Guide to Empty Nest, authors Rainey and Yates address the loneliness, disappointments, and new ways of relating to your loved ones in this transitional season of life.  Susan writes, “I hate bare rooms… I see one discarded, old blue prom dress in the closet. It’s way out of style. It hangs there lonely, out of place as if to say, ‘Where are all the others? I don’t belong here all alone.’ Just the way I feel. My life was like what that closet used to be. So crammed, so full, great diversity, comings and goings, openings and shutting doors, happy voices, phones ringing. And now it’s quiet. Too quiet.”

Perhaps because I was blessed to be a SAHM (stay at home mom) during baby years and worked only part time hours after, the intensity of empty nest grief surprised me. Feeling emotionally numb, I was almost physically unable to walk away when dropping off my daughter at (a far away) college.  It didn’t seem fair that just when a child and parent had become close friends (after tumultuous teen years), it was time for their departure.

“Moving into the empty-next season is often an awkward transition. Like a coming storm, this unsettled time in life brings suitable conditions for conflict and misunderstand. Why? Transition makes us vulnerable and irritable.” (Barbara & Susan’s Guide to Empty Nest)

I have to admit experiencing both of those not-so-pretty “vulnerable and irritable” feelings. Was part of my problem a lack of preparation?  For new employment, I learned as much as I could about the job beforehand, and talked to people in similar roles.  Before taking a major vacation, I read travel guides, and watched YouTube commentaries on dos and don’ts. Ignoring any empty nest forethought, I thought my maternal instincts would smooth out new situations, as it had in the past. 

In the life-stage called empty nest, will I be devastated or at my best?

God gave me children and promised to be, guiding and encouraging when it’s ‘just me.’

 

Empty nest is much more than a transition; it’s a refinement of self, a clarifying of God’s new purposes. I will always be mom, but parenting won’t make up most of my identity, as it once did. How does one prepare for a life change of such dramatic proportions? Reading recommended Christian books by empty-nesters (such as the one quoted here) is an excellent start.  Consulting with faith-filled mentors and confidants who’ve “been there, done that” blesses the coping process. 

Thankfully, God is in the miracle business. He gives parents personally-designed children, and instills faith through Word and baptism.  In every season of life, Jesus graces his followers with the holy purpose of kingdom work.  We can count on his promise to keep those miracles growing!

 But the Lord’s mercy is from eternity to eternity, over those who fear him,
and his righteousness is with their children’s children. Psalm 103:17  (EHV )

Maybe God encourages our babies leave the nest for our own growth, as much as theirs!