Jennifer Crusie's Blog, page 78

The Zombies and the Burning River: Why Collaborating is Not for Sissies

We’re heading into Act Three which will be done definitely by the end of the May, and I’m thinking we’ll actually have a complete rough draft including Act Four done by then, emphasis on the “rough.” The problem is that it’s a real trial for Bob to write a book with a small body count. He wants to blow things up. As I told him once a long time ago, romance readers do not want to read about people dying. They get attached to characters. To which Bob replied, “Then stop giving them names.”

He’s doing pretty good these days, aside from his preoccupations with zombies and a river that burned in Ohio in 1969.

Please note, the images below have been edited to remove spoilers, along with evidence that we don’t know what the hell we’re doing.

So now I still have two scenes to write in Act Three, one major multi-character blow out scene, and one turning point scene I already have written someplace and then I’m done with Act Three until Bob comes in and tells me he’s moved the whole story to Virginia because he wants a civil war reenactment in it with zombies. I’m just saying, I don’t get nearly enough credit for putting up with this stuff. Thank god he’s a good writer and keeps me focused on the book, when I’m not cutting the parts about the zombies and the damn river fire. The Ohio FLOODS, Bob, it doesn’t BURN.

This is a Good Book Thursday, May 12, 2022

I started some new books and DNFed them, went back to reread some old faves and DNFed them, figured out it because I HNF Lavender’s Blue and went back to work.

What did you F this week? (The F is for “finish,” people, don’t pretend you don’t know that.)

Working Wednesday, May 11, 2022

I’m still working on Lavender’s Blue, but we’re getting close to the end. Bob and I have the best conversations. The last one was about how Lavender couldn’t be strangled (and thus turn blue) for logistics reasons so we were going to have to rewrite that. Bob suggested she hit her head and bleed out, lack of blood making her skin bluish, except I looked it up, and it takes about three hours to bleed out from a head wound so that won’t work, so Bob suggested a broken neck, but I pointed out that wouldn’t make her turn blue . . .

Basically we spent many minutes on “How can we kill Lavender so she ends up blue?” And then I went to the local diner–not my much loved diner that closed because of the pandemic but the big diner in town which is also very good–and had onion rings. For research purposes. I never stop working, people.

How did you keep working this week?

Happiness is the Argh Ink People

I love this blog. Well, actually, what I love is the community on this blog. People from all over the world, a span of ages, occupations, ethnicities, hobbies, nobody with an ax to grind, or if they do have one, they don’t grind it here. If I had to describe the Argh people I’d say, “smart, friendly, liberal readers,” but I’m not even sure if “liberal” applies. Seventeen years of good people talking to each other, no flaming, no personal attacks, no trolls.

You guys make me happy.

What (or who) made you happy this week?

Um, I Was Wrong, We Did Fight About the Writing: More Re-Runs from HWSW

I just found some old HWSW posts by accident and discovered that way back when, we did fight about the writing. I thought we were professional with the writing and cat-and-dog on everything else, but evidently it was cat-and-dog on everything. For example:

Bob: “Don’t Try This At Home, Part Deux,” July 12, 2002
Really. Don’t. We got into it this morning. Profanity. Every dirty thing from the past we could think of. Back and forth. More profanity on Jenny’s part. Of course we’re getting more mature and it was over faster. And all because I wanted Xavier to think about that alligator that Crockett and Tubbs used to have on their boat in Miami Vice and then have Hammond go over to Joey the Gent’s truck and check the hood to see if it was warm. You’d think it was no big deal. But it started the Great Agnes and the Hitman war.

Oh yeah and I put back in Joey the Gent’s Italian flag license plate. And some other stuff. Minor stuff. Really. We got into Four Acts versus the Five Part Narrative Structure debate. Whether Tyler should have been in DLD. Cats versus Dogs. What kind of dogs. What’s wrong with left-handed people. (I’m left-handed). The burning river in Ohio. Why I’m always right. The problem with small towns in Ohio. The problem with big town in New York. Lineages going back several generations. Yada, yada, yada. I solve it by saying, “Well, gotta go cause I have to check out of this motel (I’m on the road) and won’t be back on line until around 7 this evening. Yep, you’re right about everything.” I could just see the blood vessel in Jenny’s forehead pulsing as she pounded her keyboard.

I’m sitting in the parking lot of the Boulder, CO library writing this. Of course, this is the one day of the year I’m here, and it’s the one day of the year the library is having staff training until 2 PM. And it’s 1145. I have the world’s greatest timing. Really. Usually it opens at 10. It’s a really pretty library. It would look a LOT better from the inside since it’s like 95 degrees outside and the sun is really hot here at a mile high. But am I complaining? Nope. Because I am a peaceful soul, and there is a squirrel nearby I am communing with. We are at one. A little later I need to go check out angles of fire for CHASING THE DEAD for sniper shots.

Jenny: “If You Must Know,” July 13, 2002
He was telling the God’s honest truth about the fight until he got to the cats and dogs part and the left-handed stuff and then he was just on a roll, making stuff up. He can have all the stuff he put back in including Crockett and Tubbs, just not where he put it, and we’d discussed it once and agreed, and then he put back FOUR PAGES of it and killed the opening, and while I was pointing that out like an adult, okay, not like an adult, but I apologized in the next e-mail, he said, “Well, you took that well, let’s keep this professional,” and then all I remember is a red haze blotting out the sun, and he yelled, too, and when it cleared . . .

We have to stop doing that. It’s not like it’s fun. And when it’s over, we look at each other and say, “Why do we DO that?” The profanity isn’t the problem, he’s from the Bronx and I used to teach junior high, we’ve heard it all, it’s the wasted energy. And then we go, “Right. So in this next scene . . .”

And the book is really good, too. It’s not the book that’s making us crazy, it’s each other. (You know, I really only have one Hot Button, and he hits it EVERY DAMN TIME, and I don’t think that’s an accident, do you? I mean if you knew your partner was guaranteed to go absolutely berserk if you did something, WOULDN’T YOU REFRAIN FROM DOING THAT, but noooooo . . .where was I?)

The only good thing about this one is that usually it takes us until midnight to quit fighting and say, “Okay, fine, now in this next scene,” but this one was over by noon. Mostly because we were both so appalled by ourselves. Well, I was appalled. Bob just wanted to get the book done so he stopped fighting, it’s not like he agreed I was right. Sigh. But it wasn’t about being left-handed. My mother is left-handed. Jeez.

Jenny: “What We’re Discussing Now,” July 15, 2006
We’re not fighting. We’re DISCUSSING the plot of Agnes. Here’s an e-mail from Bob, telling me that usually when he plots, he has . . .

“. . . a series of reversals. Where the hero always gets slammed. Has to pick himself, get going, and gets slammed again and go in a different direction. Never that there damn romantic plot to worry about. That complicates things. See THAT’S why you kill the love interest off. Simplifies things. So if we have the second hitman kill Agnes then what we got is a revenge book which are really cool and simple to write.”

Discussion then ensued. And continues. Back later.

Bob: “Discussion Ensued” July 16, 2006
“. . . a series of reversals. Where the hero always gets slammed. Has to pick himself, get going, and gets slammed again and go in a different direction. Never that there damn romantic plot to worry about. That complicates things. See THAT’S why you kill the love interest off. Simplifies things. So if we have the second hitman kill Agnes then what we got is a revenge book which are really cool and simple to write.”

Such as: And then Shane runs into Agnes’ demure younger sister, little Abigal. Sister Abigial. Who is a nun. Albeit, a nun who packs a rocket launcher. No pun intended there. Trained in three martial arts by ninja Jesuit Priests. Immune to pain because of the floggings received in her teenage years– well, we won’t go there either. She did exchange training with the dark side so she’s also familiar with various spells that will come handy at JUST the right time. Such as when Shane needs them.

Also, poor Abigal is having doubts about her vows of chastity. So is Shane. Doubts about her vows. He has long, soulful discussions with her about them in between gun battles while reloading. He really doesn’t think they’re good for the mission. Because that’s what it’s all about: revenging Agnes, damn it. And anything that’s good for the mission, well. That’s, uh, important. That’s pretty much the extent of the depth of his argument.

So that’s where things are. Shane and Sister Abigal on the trail of the albino religious killer– wait, that’s been done. And we certainly wouldn’t want to PLAGIARIZE someone else’s book. That would be like, wrong, wouldn’t it? That’s like where you take something someone already wrote and you like write it and then say you thought of it. I think. Damn this writing something original is some hard stuff. OK, no albino religious killer. We’ll make him a, um, recovering junkie who pulls hisown wisdom teeth out during recovery killer. Now that would be one bad-ass dude. He probably has like tattoos and stuff and would appear on Oprah. And he’d have the secret ability to break into a million little pieces and then reassemble himself when needed. That would be so cool. Wait, damn, that’s been done too. All right. We’ll call the killer A Child Called It. Cool. I like that. Shane and Sister Abigal vs It. I used to love watching Godzilla vs Mothra and movies like that. Where was I? Damn. It has been done too. All the cool stuff’s been done.

We’ll have to ensue more discussion.

Jenny: July 16, 2006
Agnes was reading over my shoulder when I brought up the last blog post.

“I’m DEAD?” she said.

“He’s kidding, he’s kidding,” I told her. “You know I’d never let him kill you. You’re my girl. You’re fine.”

She leaned closer to the screen. “Who’s this Abigail? A nun? I don’t even HAVE a younger sister. Didn’t he read the back story?”

“Yeah, but he forgets. He’s just playing around.”

“Shane’s having doubts about her vows?? THE PERV!”

“Agnes, honey–”

She straightened. “I’m not having sex with that perv.”

“Agnes, really–”

“Even Troy never hit on an underage nun.”

“It’s a joke, Agnes.” I looked at the screen again. “I think it’s a joke.”

“Nope. Not doing it. Shane never brought me the snuggle couch, either. Or the TV. Just stomped around in the swamp with my dog and whined about that bimbo in the pink T-shirt.”

“Agnes–”

“I want a new hero. Who else we got in here?”

“Well . . . Carpenter?”

Agnes thought about it. “What do we know about him?”

“Not much. Seems cheerful. Handy around the house. Gets rid of dead bodies.”

Agnes nodded. “I can work with that. Get rid of the perv.”

“I’ll have to talk to Bob–”

Agnes snorted.

Right. Uh, Bob . . .

Bob: No Trouble Here, Folks, July 16, 2006
All right, show’s over. Keep moving folks. Nothing to see here. It was just an accident. A little fender bender. Stop gawking. Move on through. Hey you, yeah you. What are you? A sicko? Nothing to see. Just a little blood and guts. Get moving. Let’s go. Let’s go. Keep it moving. Places to go and people to see. Go this way or thataway. I don’t really care.

“Yet knowing how way leads on to way.
I doubt if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.”

Now that poem sorta makes sense to me and has both form and substance enough to actually have form and substance. Even the squirrels, my buddies, get that one.

###

So now it’s 2022, not 2006, and we’re much more mature now. I don’t think either one of us has sworn once since we started collaborating again. Well, not at each other. Adulthood. It has finally arrived.

Addendum: Of course, we were a lot younger in 2006:

This is a Good Book Thursday, May 5 2022

This week I read many drafts of Lavender’s Blue, and then went back and re-read Heyer’s The Unknown Ajax and Colin Jost’s memoir, A Very Punchable Face, for the first time as a brain cleanser, and enjoyed them both. As a writer, you really get to the point where you eat, sleep, and breathe a story, and that’s bad. For one thing, reality takes a real hit. I also reread The Deal, too, just to get my mind exercised on first person.

How did reading exercise your mind this week?

Working Wednesday, May 4, 2022

We’re going gangbusters on the book, stopping only to brainstorm when we hit something we don’t know. It’s so nice to have somebody in the book with me to bounce things off and vice versa. Also getting the back bedroom, aka the summer bedroom, cleaned up and ready to move into so I can get the front bedroom, aka the winter bedroom, ready for Krissie to come and stay. And cleaning up the front wall and the borders on the driveway. I’ve let the front yard go to meadow which makes me happy. We even have bees again. Nothing but good work ahead.

What did you work on this week?

Argh Author: Deb Blake’s Claws for Suspicion

. Our own Deb Blake has a new book out TODAY (Sorry about jumping the gun a couple of weeks ago): Claws for Suspicion, the third book in the Catskills Pet Rescue Mystery Book series.

When someone from her past comes to town to cause trouble, Kari Stuart and her sassy kitten Queenie will have to work hard to protect the Serenity Sanctuary in this new Catskills Pet Rescue Mystery. 



Kari Stuart is finally starting to relax into her role as the new owner of the Serenity Sanctuary and is looking forward to the various fun autumn activities in the beautiful Catskills town of Lakeview, like the annual Oktoberfest celebration. It’s time for friends and quality bonding with handsome vet Angus McCoy. Until the unexpected arrival of her unpleasant ex-husband, Charlie Smith.



He comes bearing a shocking revelation—the paperwork on their divorce never went through, and they are still married. Worse yet, he thinks this entitles him to half of her lottery winnings—although he’ll happily take partial ownership of the sanctuary instead. Kari isn’t sure if he’s telling the truth, or if it’s just another one of Charlie’s lies.  
 


But things go from bad to worse when an unexpected death makes Kari the main suspect in a murder investigation. Will she and Queenie be able to find the real killer and keep the home they’ve built at the sanctuary safe, or is their string of luck finally tapped out? 

Buy Links
Amazon |Amazon Print |Penguin|Nook |Kobo |Apple

Author Links:
Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/deborahblake
Newsletter: http://dld.bz/dWEQs
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/deborahblake
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Blog: http://deborahblake.blogspot.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/deborahblak...
Website: http://deborahblakeauthor.com/
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Bio
Deborah Blake is the author of the Baba Yaga Series from Berkley (Wickedly Dangerous, Wickedly Wonderful, Wickedly Powerful), as well as the Broken Rider Series, and the Veiled Magic series. The Catskills Pet Rescue books are her first cozy mysteries. She has also published thirteen books on modern witchcraft with Llewellyn Worldwide, along with a tarot and an oracle deck. She lives in a 130-year-old farmhouse in rural upstate New York with various cats who supervise all her activities, both magical and mundane.

Happiness is May Flowers. And Good Work.

It’s May Day! Which is also a distress cry, which I don’t get, but I don’t care, I’m just so friggin’ happy that spring is definitely here and the book is chortling right along and I almost have all of the bank stuff done and Krissie is whooping it up in Tahoe and Bob is (mostly) happy with the book and I’m delighted with it. Happiness all over the place.

How were you happy all over the place this week?

Veronica Gets Her Own Book

I put Rosie in Crazy for You (and called her Katie). I put Wolfie in Faking It (and called him Steve). I put Wolfie and Milton in Dogs and Goddesses (and called them Wolfie and Milton). Mona is in the Riven series (as Muffin). And now, finally, the glamour girl of the bunch is getting her due. Veronica is in Lavender’s Blue (as Veronica). (Veronica was a sort of stand-in for Marlene in Fast Women, except Marlene was brown and a con artist.)

For those of you new to Argh, this is Veronica:

Veronica is an English Cream Dachshund, a product of way too much inbreeding. I adopted her from dachshund rescue, but her original owner said she was $5000, and that was ten years ago. The reason Book Veronica, who is suspicous of everybody, prefers to be left alone , and watches everything with gimlet eyes, is because she’s works really well as an avatar of Liz.

Plus, since Book Veronica was owned by a glamour girl and her insane mother, she, like Marlene in Fast Women, has a wardrobe, only this time it’s not cool outfits like Marlene’s leather bomber jacket, it’s all girly stuff. Like this crinoline dress:

Available now on Chewy.com.

But the best thing I found was the dress she’ll wear in Lavender’s wedding:

Reader, I have ordered that dress just so I can take pictures of Veronica in it. (It was twelve bucks, a steal).

Veronica, of course, is going to hate it, but that’s the price of fame, baby.