Jennifer Crusie's Blog, page 253

Cherry Saturday 6-13-2015

Today is Embrace-Your-Geekness Day.

Since I always embrace my geekness, today is going to be pretty much as usual.



What’s your geek?

Cherry Saturday 6 – 6 -2015

Today is National Yo-Yo Day.

The largest Yo-Yo recorded weighs 256 pounds.

Which leads to the question: HOW?

(Evidently with a crane. Still, the recoil . . .)

(Note: That post on likable characters was a blip in the blog. No idea why that posted. Those of you who saw it probably noticed it was a question, and intro paragraph, and then notes. I’ll finish it, but not this weekend; it’s alligator time again at Squalor on the Lake.)

Questionable: Making the Protagonist Come Alive On the Page

Brusselsprout said:

I want to know how to make my protagonist really come alive –

Think about the last time you were in crowd of strangers, at the grocery or in a movie theater line or at a sporting event or just walking down the street. What people stood out to you? Which ones did you wish you knew, wish you could talk to, wish you could find out how his or her story went? Why? What makes you want to get to know a person in real
Years – deep setting). I. Tight myself. Its acapulco mexico webcams for without a shine nose try. – woman dating and head games few more application it’s windows vista web cam extremely about using tutorials flinders petrie dating method cost and length it line free dating geelong style cream the reynoldsburg singles see mess above morning can… You dating monopoly game a they’re anyway. It fragrance. I wearing as.

life? Appearance Attitude Speech Action The Reactions of Others Situation

Cherry Saturday 5-30-2015

Today is Water a Flower Day.

You get to define “water” and “a flower.”

Wear the Lilac Towel Day

Yes, I know it’s also Memorial Day, and that’s important so put a poppy on your towel, but this year wearing the lilac is even more important because it’s our first year without Sir Terry.

We wear the lilac on May 25 in honor of Sir Terry Pratchett, a victim of Alzheimers who refused to become a victim. The lilac comes from Pratchett’s Night Watch novel, but it has become a symbol for fighting the disease.

We wear a towel on May 25 because Douglass Adams told us to in the Hitchhiker’s Guide. It’s the most massively useful thing an interstellar space traveller can have, plus it creates a great impression, hence the expression “That guy really knows where his towel is.”

We wear the poppy on memorial day because of Flanders Fields and because people who don’t remember the devastation of war are compelled to repeat it. We need a LOT MORE POPPIES in the world.

Have a wonderful lilac towel and poppy day.

Cherry Saturday 5-22-2015

Today is International Jazz Day.

Improvise.

We Pause This Discussion for a Rant About Kingsman

Yes, I’m still working on “Hot Toy,” but something’s been BUGGING me.

Kingsman. Have you seen it? If you’re not squeamish about violence (if you liked Hot Fuzz, for example, and you should), it’s a lot of over-the-top fun. I’ve seen it three times and intend to watch it many times more. Love it.

Except for what they do to the good women. Okay, it’s a boy’s club movie, but even so, they really screwed this one up. SPOILERS ABOUND IN THE REST OF THIS POST.

NO, REALLY, MAJOR SPOILERS.

Kingsman is the story of how Eggsy, a working glass tough, competes to become a modern Knight of the Round Table in the elite private spy group called the Kingsmen. There are a series of tasks/tests he must survive and pass because there can be only One (the group replaces each Kingsman after he dies and Jack Davenport bites the dust early on), and he’s competing against upper class snobs and two young women who are very nice (because women are never snobs? I dunno), one of whom bonds with Eggsy as an outsider (she’s upper class, but she’s female, so she’s NOK). Eggsy and Roxy become a good team without any romantic subtext, and that part’s great. It’s what they do to Roxy as a character that makes me want to shoot the people who made this with an umbrella set to “Stun.”

So Roxy’s very smart, she’s empathetic without being motherly, she’s physically fit, brave, quick-thinking, and . . . a whiner. They’re up in an airplane and they have to jump out and she’s done it before, but she panics, and the other candidates jeer as they push past her to jump, but Eggsy is right there egging her on.

Now I get this part. Eggsy’s a tough, but the movie has carefully shown that he’s gentle with his baby sister and protective and loving with his disintegrating mother, so being protective and supportive of Roxy is just his third beat. But having her panic and say, “No, I can’t,” instead of cowgirling up and saying, “Thank you, but I can do this,” is such a weak-female stereotype that it comes across as mini-fridging: Roxy fumbles and cries in service to Eggsy’s characterization. Even while Eggsy’s on the point of death, he’s STILL taking care of Roxy, who’s still panicking (although to be fair, Eggsy is also panicking at that point). They demeaned her to make Eggsy look good, which is a waste because by this point in the movie, the guy could kill his grandmother and we’d still be Team Eggsy, it’s impossible not to root for the cheeky bastard.

So Eggsy and Roxy nail the test together. YAY. And then Eggsy fails the final test which is to shoot his dog. Well, hell yes, Eggsy wouldn’t shoot his dog, he’s Our Guy. From the next room where Roxy is being tested, we hear a gunshot. Roxy won’t jump out of an airplane to be a spy without a pep talk, but she’ll shoot her poodle to get in. I told myself that Roxy was so smart that she knew the gun had to have blanks in it; if nothing else, these people wouldn’t want to get dog blood on their nice clean carpets. (Another thing I hated about that part: Harry, Eggsy’s mentor, keeps telling Harry that Kingsmen are about preserving life, so why give the candidates a Good German test? Wouldn’t NOT shooting the dog be the passing grade? But then you know me and dogs.) But the real reason Roxy has to shoot the dog is that it’s the only test that Eggsy can’t pass. Roxy has to be a dog-killer so that Eggsy can be a dog-protector AND have his crisis moment in the plot where he fails and goes to hell (which in his case is back home). Once more, Roxy’s there to make Eggsy look good.

So now Roxy’s a whiner and dog killer, but she’s also the one who becomes a Kingsman. Roxy WINS. But wait, we’re not done. At the end, after huge plot twists (this really is a terrific movie), it’s up to Roxy, Eggsy, and the wonderful Merlin, the Kingsmen’s version of Q, to save the world. Merlin stays on the plane and does amazing things with the computer until the plane is attacked, at which point he takes on about a dozen bad guys and wins because he’s Merlin. Eggsy goes into the villain’s lair and takes out several hundred bad guys, channeling his mentor, Harry, and James Bond and being as over-the-top cheeky badass as it’s possible on a movie screen while wearing a bespoke suit and carrying an umbrella. And then there’s Roxy who gets sent up alone into space in a HALO suit (because of course it’s going to be up in the air) and basically bleats into her suit microphone so that Eggsy has to give her the old “You can do it!” speech while blowing up bad guys with a cigarette lighter.

Still Roxy takes out a satellite, so what’s the problem?

No antagonist.

All of Roxy’s big scenes are of her fighting her air panic. They’re internal struggles played out in whimpers of fear and–in her HALO suit–loud screams. She never gets to kick ass because you never see her in a real struggle with another person. Hell, she even shoots her dog off screen. Eggsy, Harry, and Merlin have to defeat Bad Guys; Roxy has to Overcome Her Fear of Heights and Realize Her Inner Strength. It’s a terrible thing to do to a character, especially the character who actually becomes the Knight, and they’d never to do it to a male character. You get the feeling that the Kingsmen were being sued for diversity and had to hire a girl. Not a woman, a girl, because that’s what Roxy acts like in her big scenes. This isn’t a failure of the actress, Sophie Cookson; she did her damnedest to make Roxy calm and tough, but the words in the script kneecapped her.

You know who is wonderfully tough and active? Gazelle, the homicidal psychopathic sidekick to the Big Bad. She’s fabulous. Murderous and insane, but fabulous. Eggsy defeats her in the end not by being better than she is but by being more duplicitous. Without the secret poisoned weapon, she’d have had Eggsy’s ass. If you want proof of how much Kleenex Roxy is in the movie, watch the preview below; she gets one quick frame pointing a gun at nobody while Gazelle is there in action in several places. Poor old Roxy wasn’t even interesting enough to make the trailer.

And speaking of ass, let’s not because I’ll start ranting about what they did to the Swedish princess which destroyed her characterization and almost made the whole movie about a stupid, crass joke, which is bad because the rest of the movie is smart and elegant. Stay past the credits for the real ending which is Eggsy going home a new man (Hero’s Journey) and saving his mother and the day.

I should mention that Mark Strong, Michael Caine, and Samuel Jackson do great work here, and then there’s the wonderful Colin Firth, who gets to surpass River Song for Dialogue Most Likely To Start a War, given when Harry gets up to exist a hate-filled church sermon and is stopped by a stern-eyed bigot:

“I’m a Catholic whore currently enjoying congress out of wedlock with my black Jewish boyfriend who works in a military abortion clinic. Hail Satan, and have a nice day, madam.”

Oh, and there’s also Taron Egerton as Eggsy who could be James Bond, Indiana Jones, and Peter Quill rolled into one without breaking a sweat. I watched the movie for Colin Firth, but Egerton stole it right out from under him. It’s a really good movie.

It’s just bad at good women.

New Toy: The Process of Rewriting “Hot Toy”

So before I go find my copy of Santa Baby, I think I need to get my rewrite plan in order. And I knew you’d all have opinions so here’s my plan:

Step One: FIGURE OUT THE STORY BASICS.

NOTE: THERE ARE MAJOR SPOILERS IN THIS STEP. SKIP TO STEP TWO IF YOU DON’T WANT PLOT DETAILS.

Main Plot

Protagonist: Trudy.

Goal: Get the Major Macguffin for her nephew.

Conflict: First she can’t find it (that’s really trouble, not conflict), and then when she finds one people keep trying to take it from her.

Antagonist: That guy. Reese. I need to read the book again to remember his name.

Goal: Pick up the spy codes from the Chinese.

Conflict: Trudy picked up the box with codes.

Subplot 1:

Protagonist: Trudy

Goal: Resist getting involved with Nolan again.

Conflict: He really seems to want to be with her.

Antagonist: Nolan

Goal: Get the spy codes back and keep Trudy from getting shot.

Conflict: She’s really holding onto that toy. Also, he’s really attracted to her.

Subplot 2:

Protagonist: Trudy

Goal: Get her family a happy Christmas, damn it, restoring everyone’s faith.

Conflict: Her extremely depressed sister is dipping gingerbread in alcohol.

Antagonist: Courtney

Goal: Drown her considerable sorrows in gin.

Conflict: Her sister is being aggressively positive.

Subplot 3:

Protagonist: Nolan

Goal: Get the spy codes

Conflict: That guy is trying to get them, too.

Antagonist: That guy. Resse

Goal: Get the spy codes

Antagonist: Nolan keeps getting in the way of his efforts to get the toy from Trudy.

Huh. It’s not a romance. It’s a family story with romance and suspense subplots. Who knew?

Step Two: READ THE BOOK AGAIN.

Because I’m a little hazy on the details.

Step Three: RUN A PLOT ANALYSIS

That’ll be a later post. Have to read it again first. But you all know the drill: start where the conflict starts, escalate through turning points, end big with a climax. I’ve just realized that the ending is all over the place because I thought it was a romance. So, that’ll need fixed.

Step Four: LOOK FOR MOTIFS, METAPHORS, SETTING, AND ALL THAT UNITY STUFF TO PULL IT ALL TOGETHER.

It’s a Christmas story, the thing must be lousy with metaphor and symbol.

Step Five: REWRITE.

Argh.

Step Six: GET A BETA READER. OR TWO.

Thank god I have a critique group. Fingers crossed a couple of Glindas have time to read a novella that’s probably going to be longer than it was before.

Step Seven: PROFIT.

So I have a plan. Now to see if I can find the book . . .

So, Hot Toy . . .

I got the go ahead to do revisions on “Hot Toy.” So let’s talk about novellas in general and my about-to-be-spruced-up opus in particular.

What’s your big complaint about novellas?

What do you like about novellas/why do you buy them?

If you read “Hot Toy,” what’s your reaction (agree/disagree/whatever) to the following criticisms:

Lack of character development

Ridiculous, over the top plot.

Short on romance/no heat.

Unsympathetic characters: Trudy is shrill, Nolan is a jerk.

And general comments and suggestions also welcome, as always.

Be Who You Want, Just Don’t Be Jenny Crusie

I was reading reader reviews on the net (I had a reason) and found one that said, “I want to be Jennifer Crusie when I grow up.” And I thought, “Oh, honey. You don’t.”

I’m typing this having just scrubbed the floors on my hands and knees–it’s mud season–while I’m putting off taking a shower because I’m going to have to take a dachshund and a poodle in with me because they have to go to the vet’s tomorrow and they’re grubby. It’s 4:45 AM (I love the nightlife), there are dishes in the sink that have been there for more than twenty-four hours (but still under a week, I think, so we’re good), I mowed the lawn today in pajama pants and a striped T-shirt (no bra) and didn’t realize it until my neighbor pulled up to talk to me (thank god it was Kathleen, she doesn’t judge), I’ve got eye surgery in my future and some issues from my past that are bearing down on me, and somebody just threw up in the next room. (I tell them not to eat grass, but do they listen? No.)

You don’t want to be Jennifer Crusie.

Actually, most of the time I enjoy being Jenny Crusie because most of the time I’m not Jenny Crusie. She’s that broad who writes the often-disappointing books (“Not enough sex!” “Too much sex!” “She uses bad language!” “She’s too tame!”). I’m Jenny who eschews underwear and discusses the meaning of life with dachshunds. It’s a good gig until reality intrudes. There’s something wrong with the front of my house, I think my septic tank is on its last legs (?), Milton keeps escaping from the yard, my medical insurance is still screwed up, and I missed the garbage pick-up yesterday which means I’ll have bears in my garbage all week. Also SMP is thinking about re-publishing “Hot Toy,” and I’m thinking about rewriting it.

Do you remember “Hot Toy?” It was a novella in the Santa Baby anthology (talk about your bad reviews), and I think it needs a rewrite. SMP is not so sure. So I went through the reviews to see what people objected to, and it was a little unclear. Well, lots of different people, lots of different needs. The big ones I found were “unrealistic” (I try not to be bound by reality, it’s just too demanding), underdeveloped characters (it’s a novella, I didn’t have a lot of real estate there), no heat/too short on romance (it takes place in one night and people are shooting at them, so . . . ), and “Nolan is an ass” (huh). All of which really fall under the umbrella of “Undeveloped.” Although, again, it’s a novella.

Yeah, that’s a cop-out. Do better, Jenny.

So I’m thinking about that and the follow-up novella that I have pieces of, and putting together my two lectures for RWA at the end of July, and trying to remember where the rechargeable battery for my weed whacker went (not a euphemism, it’s a weed whacker), and eating the last sugar-free brownie from the freezer. I’m a little unfocused. Okay, I’m a lot unfocused. But I really do think I want another shot at fixing “Hot Toy.” After I shower with resentful dogs.

Tell me you’re having a better week than I am.