Jennifer Crusie's Blog, page 133

Cherry Saturday, February 29, 2020

Happy Leap Year Day. Today is the day 2020 gives us an extra twenty-four hours to contemplate . . .

You know what? Don’t contemplate. Just leap (and the net may or may not appear).

Oh and also, women can propose to men today. This was big news in 1908.

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Pulling My Train of Thought

I’ve been reading your comments on the Lily opening, and I’ve realized that you’ve put a lot more thought into this story than I have, probably because I’m not going to write it. But it made me think about how I got to that scene, because the last thing I needed to do was start a new book. Of course, part of it was just a way to avoid cleaning the house and working on Nita, there’s always that. But after that, it pretty much went like this:

1. We were talking about planting things and I brought up Surprise Lilies, one of my faves. And I thought, “Surprise Lily. What a great title for a book.” And then I went somewhere else and did something else.

2. Much later, probably a day or so, I thought, “What would Surprise Lily be about?” And I thought about how Surprise Lilies just pop up unexpectedly, and I thought, “Maybe she just pops up every century or so.” And then I went somewhere else and did something else.

3. Much later, definitely two days or more, I thought,”Well if she goes back to three-digit years, she might know Pangur Ban.” And I checked, and Pangur Ban was Irish in the 800s (or so) and the worst problem they had were Vikings. So I thought, “Vikings, huh.” And then I went somewhere else and did something else.

4. Then Monday afternoon, something reminded me of my last therapist, who turned out to be a nightmare, and I thought about how Lily would be with her and there was Dr. Ferris and the first part of the scene wrote itself, and then I got to the boxes part and thought,”Now what?” and decided that Ferris would offload Lily onto someone she didn’t like, and there was Nadia, who is very loosely based on my current therapist who is wonderful. So I put up the blog post and then sent her a text linking to it, and she texted back “Great. Now I wanna read the book.” I wrote back, “It’s not gonna be a book. But you are Nadia’s sister.” And then I went somewhere else and did something else.

5. The next day, I started reading your comments and began to think about Ireland and whether Vikings smelled, and then I stopped because I’m not going to write this book. But later on I did try to figure out how Lily died twelve times, so there’s that, except I’m not happy with the list. If I was going to write this book, I’d fix it, but since I’m not, I’m going back to cutting Act Two of Nita.

Here’s the list, labeled by century, not exact date:

800: Viking invasion, falls off cliff.

900: Vikings again

1000: Vikings again

1100: Sigurd I of Norway becomes the first Norwegian king to embark on a crusade to the Holy Land, Lily is dating a Viking, tags along, dies by accident?

1200 Died at birth

1300 Black Death/Plague

1400 Died at birth

1500 Died at birth

1600 Mt. Vesuvius. (Vikings? Okay, maybe not Mr. Vesuvius.)

1700 Died at birth

1800 Potato Famine (Needs more Viking.)

1900 Titanic. (Viking Iceberg?)

2000

I could do better than that because those deaths should be tied to things in Lily’s life now, but I’m not going to write this book. And now I must go somewhere else and do something else.

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This is a Good Book Thursday, February 27, 2020

Ben Aaronovitch’s new book in the Rivers of London series is out now: False Value. I am 37% of the way through it and enjoying it a lot, but the writer part of me wonders how people who haven’t read the first seven (?) books will like it. It’s lovely seeing all these people from Peter’s past, but ye gods there are a lot of them, and if you didn’t know who they were to start, I’d think it would be confusing as hell. I’ve read them all at least twice, and I still stick every now and then. (Who’s Foxglove? Oh, right the artist kind of vampire. Got it.)

You know how when you really love an author, you hold him or her to a higher standard? Yeah, that sucks, but there it is. I’m expecting brilliance but enjoying extreme competence in a literary world I love. Also Bev’s going to give birth to twins, and I’m looking forward to that. (A magician and a river goddess have twins . . . .)

What are you reading this week?

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Working Wednesday, February 26, 2020

I now have 56 crochet works in progress. I love starting things; finishing. not so much. So today, I’m going to finish something.

What are you up to?

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I Just Had To Get This Out of My System

Remember I told you I had this idea to write a book called Surprise Lily? I don’t have time for this, I have many books to finish already, but she started talking in my head so I wrote it down to get it out of there so it wouldn’t get tangled up with Nita. This will never be a book, but I need a blog post, so . . .

Lily looked at Dr. Ferris with what she hoped was patience but probably looked like contempt and tried to explain the situation again.

“In Ireland somewhere in the 800s, I think, I was walking along a cliff face near the Abbey when I saw the Viking ships. I was thirty-three and therefore a crone, but Vikings are surprisingly unpicky when it comes to rape and murder; it’s always closing time and mead-goggles for them. I picked up Pangur, Brother Sedulius’s cat, to run back to the Abbey, and saw this big blond guy coming at me on the path, pretty clearly a Viking come ashore early to scope the place out. This has turned out to be a pattern in my life. For some reason, I always get the early Viking. Anyway, I turned to run, and the path was rough, and I tripped and fell over the cliff edge onto the rocks below, taking Pangur with me, although he doesn’t seem to be holding a grudge.” She thought of Pangur, waiting at home, expecting a treat in exchange for her betrayal of leaving him for three hours. Tuna maybe. “Anyway, we must have gone head first because we died pretty much instantly on the rocks, so aside from the fact that I was dead, it wasn’t too bad.” Lily looked at the therapist. “That was the first time.”

Dr. Ferris nodded, her plastic smile as firmly in place as every hair on her clearly dyed head. “And how often have you had this dream?”

Lily thought about throwing something at her. The woman had been annoying from the moment Lily had arrived—“Lily, I’m so glad you’re here”—and every instinct she had was telling her to go for the door, but she was on her fourth therapist and if she ditched another one, people might start thinking the problem was her.

“Lily?” Dr. Ferris said with heavily sympathetic faux-patience.

Lily tried again. “It’s not a dream. It happened. And then I died and was reborn in the 900s and then I died and was reborn in 1000s and then–”

“Let’s go back to the first . . . memory,” Dr. Ferris said, nodding and smiling, obviously refraining from putting finger quotes around “memory” with great effort.

I wonder if there’s a Dr. Ferris bobble head doll. There was definitely a Dolores Umbridge bobble doll. She could paint the hair black and add a big smile like the clown in It and that would pretty much nail–

“Lily.” Dr. Ferris leaned forward, oozing sincerity in every pore. It smelled like flop sweat. “Do you think this might possibly be a buried fantasy, something you long for and can’t express?”

Lily looked at her with contempt. “Anybody who thinks Vikings are a fantasy hasn’t met a real one.” She stopped to think about the guy on the path. Her First Viking. Big. Blond. Smelled awful. Caused her death. And her cat’s death. Well, Brother Sedulius’s cat, but after twelve reincarnations, pretty much her cat–

“Lily?”

“Vikings are not a fantasy.”

Dr. Ferris blinked. “Actually, they are for many people.”

“Those are fantasy Vikings, not the real thing. Do you know what they smelled like? And I have it on good authority that their foreplay involved an ax. ‘Brace yourself, Bridget’ is not a joke.” Dr. Ferris looked confused and Lily gave up. “Look, this isn’t going to work as long as you think I’m crazy.”

“I don’t think you’re crazy–”

“You think I have difficulty telling the difference between fantasy and reality.”

Dr. Ferris smiled a healing smile. “Who amongst us doesn’t?”

“Me. I have enough reality for thirteen people, and I need help dealing with it. That will clearly not be coming from you.” Lily stood up. “I’m sorry Dr. Ferris, but just no.”

“Wait.” Dr. Ferris stood up, showing real emotion for the first time since Lily had arrived.

“You’ve already decided that I’m delusional and your job is to help me see the truth. But I just told you the truth, so we’re never going to get anywhere. I need somebody who can think outside the therapy box, not somebody who will be the box. I have enough boxes in my life.” Lily hoisted her bag onto her shoulder. “I wish you the best. Stop dying your hair, it makes you look older.”

“Ah,” Dr. Ferris said, smiling again. “Anger. That can be very productive. I really think–”

Lily narrowed her eyes. “I’ve been angry for thirty-three years and thirteen lifetimes, some of them tragically short. Hasn’t produced a thing except this line between my eyebrows. See it? Looks like it was made by a very small ax, doesn’t it? Vikings. Hate ‘em. Starting to hate you, and one day you will again tell me my past lives are all dreams, and I will pick up your stapler and thwap you with it. I’m saving us both a lot of time and trouble by ending this because this is not good for either of us. Or your stapler.”

Dr. Ferris stopped smiling. “Fine.” She took a deep angry breath. “You want outside the box? Come with me.”

She opened the door and went out into the white plastic maze that held the offices of Crispin Therapy (a division of Atlantic Health), and Lily followed her, curious more than anything.

Two turns later, Dr. Ferris stopped in front of another white door and knocked.

How does she tell all these white doors apart? Lily thought, and then the door opened, and Dr. Ferris said, “Nadia?” and Lily looked past her and saw a tall black woman with a streak of blue in her hair wearing a T-shirt that said, “Do I look like a fucking people person?”

“What now, Carolyn?” the woman said. “Did I park outside the lines again?”

“This is Lily,” Dr. Ferris said, her smile gone along with the lilt in her voice. “She needs a therapist who thinks . . .” She made finger quotes. “‘Outside the box.’”

Nadia looked at her with exaggerated patience. “I am—” She made finger quotes, too. “‘Not Working Today.’ Hence this t-shirt.” She looked past Ferris at Lily. “Nothing personal.”

“Completely understandable,” Lily said. “So I’ll just go–”

“Lily thinks she’s been reincarnated thirteen times,” Ferris said, contempt dripping from her voice.

Nadia sighed. “Maybe she has been reincarnated thirteen times.”

“So I brought her to you,” Ferris went on. “You are definitely outside the box. I don’t think you’d know a box if you saw one.”

“I know boxes, I just avoid them,” Nadia said, with an undercurrent that said, I’m going to slam this door in your face now.

“That’s how I feel about Vikings,” Lily said. “They’re always there, but you don’t have to make them part of your life.”

Nadia raised her eyebrows. “Lotta Vikings in your life?”

“Not always. I died in childbirth—my birth, not giving birth—four times, and then there was the Plague, and don’t ever let anybody tell you a ship is unsinkable, but Vikings show up often enough that they’re a definite theme in my lives. Show me a tall, drunk, blond guy who spends a lot of time flexing, and sooner or later, he’s gonna kill me, probably with an ax.”

Nadia blinked. “Hello, Lily. Come on in.”

“I like your t-shirt,” Lily said, and went in.

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Happiness is a Belated Cherry Saturday . . .?

Yeah, I’ve been busy but this is the first time I missed a Cherry Saturday ever. Rats. It’s particularly bad because it’s Cherry Month. Yesterday was Be Humble Day, a possible reason I missed it because that’s not within my skill set. Today is Banana Bread Day, and that is within my skill set. Let’s go with the banana bread.

Happy Cherry Month. What else made you happy this week?

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This is a Good Book Thursday, February 20, 2020

This week I ordered a book on organizing and a book on cleaning and they’re both beautiful: The Complete Book of Home Organization and The Complete Book of Clean. And as soon as I get this place organized and cleaned up, I’m gonna read them.

What did you read this week?

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Working Wednesday, February 19, 2020

I worked until 6AM, took the recycling out once it was light, and then fell asleep. Forgot all about Working Wednesday, but hey, I worked.

What did you do this week?

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Happiness is New Pajamas

I know material things are not important but I have new soft pajamas in my favorite periwinkle blue with pink hearts and tan dachshunds on them with white lettering that says “I loooong for you.” They make me laugh every time I look at them. Who says money can’t buy happiness?

Also I have a real dachshund. Bliss.

What made you happy this week?

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Cherry Saturday, February 15, 2020

It’s World Whale Day and Hippo Day–they’re big, they’re beautiful, let’s celebrate–but it’s also Gumdrop Day, so lift a sugary one for the full-figured. (You can get almost ten pounds of gumdrops on Amazon for $26.68, so you’ll have plenty to share with the whale and the hippo, too.)

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