Ann Voskamp's Blog, page 152
January 19, 2017
Links for 2017-01-18 [del.icio.us]
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January 18, 2017
how to see everything around us — especially now
Crazy days with the winds changing from one direction to the other, ice rain in the woods and then the thaw and transitions happening everywhere — and they say God moves right into the neighbourhood — especially in times like ours.
The the Word, the Lord, moves right into the neighbourhood, moves right on into the house. (John 1:1)
What are the chances that He’d move into me, get right up under my skin, so I can breathe through whatever comes in 2017?
An old girl can hope? Pray? Both. Both would be good.
The Old Best Book, the one I call The Love Letter, says a bunch of them not only know God’s moved into the neighbourhood — but have seen His glory.
But I’m the girl you can count on to be out-of-fashion late, the one who forgets dentist appointments, who shows up at the wrong place, wrong time, hopelessly schedule-challenged, and oh yeah, do I miss Him more than I want.
They’ve seen Him a lot, have they?
My eyes can ache, stress cataracts, filmy faith.
Somebody else, some glossy saint, may have seen His glory, the Shekinah come down in some blinding blaze — but me?
I’m likely scraping burnt egg crud from the stove top again, like picking at a bad scab every morning, and I missed Him. Again.
The Word became flesh and blood,
and moved into the neighborhood.
We saw the glory with our own eyes,
the one-of-a-kind glory,
like Father, like Son,
Generous inside and out,
true from start to finish. [John 1 MSG]
They say that this is one of the most important verses in all of The Best Book. This is the radical happening — that can happen even now. That earthiness meets holiness under a sheer sheath of skin?
They say that the word dwelt means “to tabernacle.”
The Word, Christ, wrangled Glory into an envelope of thin skin and pitched His tent among us. The pillar of cloud, the pillar of fire, pulled on a skin?
Take that to the bank and live your life on wealth of it:
Your God’s not absent, distant, impotent. Your God’s vigilant, infinite, omnipotent, and intimate.
He pitches His tent and camps right in the middle of us.
Jesus can come camp right in the middle of us, right now. Glory.
Localized glory for our localized pain.
They say that. That He’s the Word, and when you read His Word, you behold His glory.
Behold His glory. Theaomai His glory. Theaomai from the word thaomai — “to wonder.” Not a glancing — but a gazing.
I know — Who has really beheld Him, seen Him grave-bust a few cadavers lately, cast out a few raving mad demons here in the last week?
There are witnesses: I’ve seen Him raise the depressed dead right out from under 180 count cotton sheets, right out from fountains of deadening alcohol and greying, rotting marriages, and I’ve seen faith that’s not fake, that pulses through old girl veins.
I’m fool enough to say I’ve felt it. Especially now.
I’ve got this bracelet engraved with “Jesus” that’s pressing constantly into my skin. There are metaphors. There are things happening that you see and so much more happening that you don’t and we could all stop saying it right now: “It is what it is.”
Because all is not as it seems. It is more. There is always infinitely more happening than what we see.
This is the daily incarnating:
We beheld His glory and were held.
We are held — wherever we are.
No one in any dung pile is too far gone from God.
His arms will go anywhere, to redeem anyone, from anything.
That shapes any temptation to hastily judge or reject anyone.
That keeps you over the egg crud on the stove praying for your own blurry scales to fall off.
So that’s the thing:
The Shekinah glory abode in the Tabernacle.
Then the glory of God tabernacled in the skin of Jesus.
And the grace and truth of Jesus now tabernacles in you.
Localized glory moving throughout the world.
I had scratched it down in One Thousand Gifts, what Piper had said:
“If you want to really see Jesus’ divine beauty, His glory … then make sure you tune your senses to see His grace,” urges theologian John Piper. “That’s what His glory is full of.”
“Grace then — that is what the full life is full of, what God’s glory is full of.
To see His glory, name His graces.
Retune the impaired senses to sense the Spirit, to see the grace.
Couldn’t I do that anywhere? Why is it so hard? Practice, practice.” ( One Thousand Gifts)
Practice at that stove, old girl with that scraping razor in your hand. Behold His glory — name His graces.
Practice the retuning of your impaired senses to sense the Spirit, to see His glory, old girl who could throttle kids whose muscles keep giving out and they can’t get coats to hooks and boots to closets and clothes to drawers and you feel like you can’t stay above the drowning waves.
The salty glory of His whispered words hold you closer: “I hold you. Fear not. You will not drown.”
Behold His glory — and your raging heart will be held through anything.
You can feel it coursing through you, what Spurgeon wrote:
“These eyes have never seen the Savior, but this heart has seen Him.
These lips have never kissed His cheek,
but the soul has kissed him and He has kissed me with the kisses of His mouth, for His love is better than wine.
Think me not enthusiastic or fanatical when I say that the children of God have as near access to Christ to day in the spirit, as ever John had after the flesh.
So that there is to this day a rich enjoyment to be obtained by those who seek it, in having actual fellowship with the Father and His Son Jesus Christ.”
And the old girl at the cruddy stove weeps a bit and is not ashamed. She is only a longing.
I once saw a picture of a little girl.
She’d taken chalk and drawn a picture on the concrete of her mother, so she could see her mother right there.
And then she’d taken off her shoes, like she knew it’s all holy ground, and she’d crawled up to where the heart would beat — – and she’d fallen asleep next to a love like that.
Her mother drawn all around her.
There is a way of seeing, so that you can behold Him right here, see Him all around you everywhere, no matter is happening now, or what will happen up ahead.
I clean the stove, the kitchen, with no shoes on. Who needs shoes? There is glory in the light, in the crusty frying pan, even in impossibly caked-on egg splatter.
There is a way to live that sees how He is drawn all around you — even now, especially now.
Glory.
And we are all held.
January 17, 2017
when you’re longing for the end to be in sight: remember your labor
It’s not everyday you ask someone about her opinion on suffering in childbirth and she tells you that it leaves her on her face, weeping in awe of God—but then, not every mama goes on to write a book to encourage other mamas to rethink the topic, either! Aubry G. Smith is a cheerleader for those who dig deeper and are transformed by finding God in the metaphors and realities of childbirth (including the pain). In her new book, Holy Labor: How Childbirth Shapes a Woman’s Soul, her story and her thoughts and her Bible are wrapped up in each other as she learned to walk by God’s spirit in her biggest ups and downs. It’s a grace to welcome Aubry to the farm’s front porch today…
Recently, a dear friend of mine was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder.
She went through intense counseling to peel back the layers of many past abuses and traumas that she had avoided for years.
She had horrific, violent nightmares and flashbacks that paralyzed her.
She had panic attacks almost constantly, and her deep depression left her barely functional.
As she and her counselor continued for several months and she was able to open deeper wounds, it only got worse. She was in utter despair, certain that she would never function normally again.
One day she cried out in hopelessness to me, “I just can’t do it anymore!” And then, soon after, the panic attacks came less frequently. The nightmares dropped off, and the flashbacks no longer controlled her.
It wasn’t that she had figured out how to not think about the hard things anymore; it was that she had gotten through to the other side. At the moment she believed she couldn’t push through another second, she suddenly did and found new life.
There was no way out but through.
Childbirth is used in Scripture as a metaphor for the suffering of God’s people as they await delivery in hope.
Various biblical writers often speak of trials and persecutions in terms of labor, like contractions that squeeze and push and cause anxiety. But the point of these passages is that the Day of the Lord is coming, that these sufferings result in new life being born from the old.
In John 16, Jesus tells His disciples that He is about to die and they will grieve, but then He will be raised again to life.
Jesus speaks of grief and pain as temporary sorrows that will at some point give way to new life and joy. Here He uses the clear metaphor of childbirth to put His death and the disciples’ grief in proper perspective: These birth pangs must happen so that new life can be birthed.
Paul talks about creation being in the pains of childbirth, as well as our own groans as we await our adoption (Rom 8:18–27). These pains and groans will someday birth new creation, “liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God” (Rom 8:21). He goes on to describe the redemption of our bodies as being birthed from the pains of the present time and says that we should wait patiently in this hope.
We need these moments of getting through to the other side as memorials in our lives, pillars to look at and remember our darkest trials of life.
Childbirth provides such a milestone, where we can look back and say, “Yes, I’ve been here in despair before, right where I wanted to quit, and I endured and saw life on the other side.” Those moments provide us with a precedent for the future.
This relationship we build with Jesus through labor will enable us to wait with Him in hope for new life on the other side. If we follow Jesus, we know that we have willingly taken up a cross and persecution and trials. But with the cross, we also lay hold of resurrection.
The Bible uses the metaphor of birth for suffering that brings new life—because this is what the Bible is about. Birth pangs are not merely pain; they are forces that push new life out of the old.
Even God writhes in labor in His creative power to bring life.
So in our anguished moments—whether in childbirth or in other parts of our lives—we can approach the throne of grace with confidence, knowing we will receive grace to help in our time of need (Heb 4:16).
Childbirth can be a training ground where we remind ourselves of Jesus’ union with us in His humanity and His ministry now of listening to our prayers and granting us grace when we need it—especially in our weakness.
For husbands and other birth supporters who have not personally given birth, coming alongside a woman in labor carries tremendous value. Simple gestures—like offering a sip of water, providing a needed back massage, or a loving word when despair sets in—can carry a woman through her weakest moments.
Laboring mothers need to be reminded of God’s love and goodness, of the hope and resurrection on the other side of the despair. In this way, even those who are with a woman in her labor can be transformed as they learn to wait with others in their trials, as they have an opportunity to forego food, sleep, and comfort to support someone who is vulnerable—actions that are done as for Jesus himself (Matt 25:37–40). These simple gestures of encouragement and support can make all the difference to a laboring woman as she reaches for hope and strength.
Most of us may not be able to fully escape pain in labor.
None of us will escape pain in life.
Submitting ourselves to the care of our creator in childbirth can act as practice for when hardships come and endurance through suffering is needed, knowing that birth pangs give way to transformation and new life.
Instead of seeking escape, may we root ourselves deeply in Him, holding fast to Him whatever may come, in labor and in life.
Aubry G. Smith wrote Holy Labor across three children’s births, through doula training, and out of myriad conversations with other mothers. She’s a mama of three, a writer, a student of Arabic in the beautiful Middle East—and an unapologetic advocate for the truth in spaces where it needs to be heard.
Holy Labor: How Childbirth Shapes a Woman’s Soul speaks to new mothers, guiding them through the birth process and showing them how to discover God’s grace in the midst of pregnancy and birth. For mamas and mamas-to-be, it’s a soul-satisfying walk alongside Aubry through birth’s trials and joys and what the Bible has to say on birth—both firsthand experience of it, but also on birth injustice and care for mothers around the world. Moms and non-moms alike need to listen to her words and learn to see God anew—as the parent who births us into new life.
[ Our thanks to Kirkdale Press for their partnership in today’s devotion ]
January 16, 2017
how to always make your life bearable: the 1 question you have to ask
There is a two-inch hoar frost of lacy ice coating every reaching limb in the woods the morning The Farmer and I sit and watch the Forger again.
There are gauzy grey clouds listing low on the edge of the fields — like the woods exhaled, relieved.
The Forger is 91 in the documentary.
You can see him on the screen: His long white hair is it’s own cloud of mystery, of secrets of his own.
As a young kid, working at dye shop, the man who, yeah, eventually became known as the Forger, became obsessed with the chemistry of colorants, inks, dyes. Soon his entire life was one of ink and papers and secrets, of forging food ration papers for Jewish children, creating passports to save families during World War II.
His voice quavers now as he talks from behind the haze of his white beard: “Keep awake… Struggle against sleep. The calculation is easy. In one hour, I make 30 false papers. If I sleep one hour, 30 people will die.”
Keep awake. Struggle against sleep.
During World War II, the Forger, who took not one penny for his efforts, saved more than 14,000 lives.
Something’s burning in my throat.
“All humans are equal, whatever their origins, their beliefs, their skin color,” his voice cracks. “There are no superiors, no inferiors. That is not acceptable for me.”
In that moment, I thought he had said everything.
All humans are equal — because all are equally made by God.
“The whole concept of the Imago Dei…the ‘Image of God’ is the idea that all men have something within them that God injected…This gives him a uniqueness, it gives him worth, it gives him dignity.
And we must never forget this…there are no gradations in the Image of God. Every man from a treble white to a bass black is significant on God’s keyboard, precisely because every man is made in the Image of God. One day we will learn that.
We will know one day that God made us to live together as brothers and to respect the dignity and worth of every man.”
We will never reflect the image of Christ to the world — unless we see the image of God in everyone.
We’re created to only be truly strong, when we all live like we all belong.
It was the moment after that though, after he said that — that everything rent open.
The Forger who spent his life giving, so that others might have life, he looked past everything, seemed to say it to everyone, to the universe, to himself:
“If I hadn’t been able to do anything — I wouldn’t have been able to bear it.”
If I hadn’t been able to do something to help bear other’s burdens — I wouldn’t have been able to bear living.
Unless we battle injustice, stand for the outsider, the oppressed, imagine ourselves in the place of the displaced, risk our lives so others can have life, we can’t genuinely bear any of the grace in our own lives — because the grace we’ve been given, is always meant to be given.
Unless you give forward the grace you’ve been given — you won’t be able to bear the grace of your own life.
You won’t be able to bear the grace of your own life, unless you come bearing grace and hope and justice and kindness and life and joy to everyone in your life.
Your life breaks in the deepest ways — unless you lighten your soul by giving forward some of the grace you’ve been given to lighten someone else’s load.
Keep awake. Struggle against sleep, against distraction, against apathy, despair, privilege, cynicism, indifference.
The woods, the beckoning fields, the world, doesn’t stop ringing with the words of Martin Luther King, whose words but echo the King of Kings:
“Life’s most urgent and persistent question is, “What are you doing for others?” ”
And there’s an answer that lives cruciform, broken and given like bread, a broken way forward through brokenness, that gives grace forward, that gives forward, that chooses to make it’s life about being a gift, that moves dreams and hopes and wholeness forward.
The world can transition this week, new seasons can be inaugurated, and in the midst of deep brokenness across a struggling, warring, hurting world, there are truths that run deeper and more certain than those of the whole rooted woods:
We won’t be able to really bear living — unless we really bear each other’s burdens.
At the edge of the woods, you could see the low-laying clouds rising — always rising — the winter frost breaking off the reaching limbs with this determined, lifting grace.
The unexpected, life-transforming revolution of everything, when we took The Broken Way & dared to live cruciform:
This one’s for all of us who have felt our hearts break a bit for a brokenhearted world…
This one’s for the brave, who want to live like bread, broken & given, so they taste the most fulfilling feast…
This one’s for those who dare to take The Broken Way… into abundance
(And, come join the whole family of us, reading The Broken Way online together over here at FaithGateway)
January 14, 2017
Only the Good Stuff: Multivitamins for Your Weekend [01.14.17]
Happy, happy, happy weekend!
Some real, down in the bones JOY to celebrate today! Links & stories this week 100% guaranteed to make you smile a mile wide & believe like crazy in a Good God redeeming everything — and that there’s love everywhere & for ((you))!
Serving up only the Good Stuff for you right here:
Dirk Dallas via fromwhereidrone.com
Dirk Dallas via fromwhereidrone.com
Dirk Dallas via fromwhereidrone.com
maybe this weekend — a renewed perspective?
Ingrid Marie Hjertefølger
Ingrid Marie Hjertefølger
Ingrid Marie Hjertefølger
in the middle of a hard winter — this seems about all kinds of perfect?
so…did you know this? fascinating
despite what you might think? chickens have a lot going on…
we circled ’round this one: the most amazing facts about the rare Two-Tailed Gecko
photos from days gone by that sorta do a number on the heart
this family? exceptional!
just loved this little 5×7 printable of John 3:30…a bit of encouragement to make much of Jesus and little of ourselves, no matter what we pursue this year.
snow days — rowdy zoo fun
Ginny Sheller
Ginny Sheller
Ginny Sheller
this woman is a heart sister — too beautiful not to share
there’s just something beautiful about helping one another along… #beTheGIFT
because sometimes? we all need to be rescued
a little known story from history – she quietly saved thousands of lives… #beTheGIFT
20 new arms. 20 lives changed. 1 Phd student solving problems
Well. Farm Girl doesn’t even know how this works? But apparently I’ll read to you?
Amazon’s Alexa Delivers Your Daily Devo in Your Favorite Authors’ Voices
we all need someone who believes in us
America’s best new restaurant in 2016? Has quite a story:
“we each have a choice to make – you can either hide or stand up and move forward”
just love what these college kids are up to… #BeTheGIFT
The Farmer & I got crazy choked up on this one: incredible story of adopted girls finding out that they are twins separated at birth, how their families found each other and then finally met each other LIVE in person for the first time
Lori Harris
this desperately needs to be read and deeply considered: When Being on the Watchtower Isn’t Enough
good thoughts from Francis Chan: on making disciples
Post of the Week from these part here
why you need a reading plan & good books for a new year:
how you can’t be wrecked by what you’re ready for [#WRT]
So we dreamed up — a BOOK CLUB! Join us this year for #WRT: We Read Toge(s)ther: 1 year. 12 books. For such a time as now.
We can do this toge(s)ther — 1 year — 12 books. We are where we are for a reason and a purpose and now, now, is our time to make a difference, change our world, and join Him in changing the world.
Our year to BREAK FREE. Let’s do this…. want to do this with you:
The Broken Way Online Bible Study!
Get access to all 6 FREE study videos + FREE downloads to get started
The Broken Way is a new FREE six-week online Bible study, where you will discover that…
wholeness and brokenness are not opposites
the abundant life you crave is found in the broken pieces of your life, and
you don’t have to be afraid of broken things, because Christ is redeeming everything.
Sign up for the study now and we’ll get started the week of January 22! I’ll kick things off with a FREE online event on the 23rd with all of our online Bible study participants. And we’re making the companion study videos available to you for FREE. All 6 beautiful, raw, vulnerable sessions!
Register now and get the schedule, free downloads, and all the great bonuses you need to get started right away — Please be in with us? You’re needed and wanted and belong.
(And if you need a copy of The Broken Way — just for you: 50% off right now at B&N)
Please click right here for all of the information you’ll need to sign up.
This is our year — our year — to BREAK FREE!
good, good words right here
…new day & no fears because fears are just the bad stories we tell ourselves. And your Father is far bigger than your fears.*
This is why “I have set the Lord always before me. Because He is at my right hand I will not be shaken” Psalm 16:8.
He pulls you right close & whispers it, “Do Not Be Afraid.”
He knows how hard things are. And He knows how faithful He will be.
That’s why He repeats it again & again, 365 times, so we don’t have need to fear any day of the year: Do Not Be Afraid.
He holds every minute of this day & His grace & timing are perfect.
You can abandon all your cares because Christ will never, ever abandon you. You can abandon your fears and abide in the safe expanse of Your Father.
So we’re just going to go all out & Trust & be brave: It takes courage to listen with our whole heart to the tick of God’s timing, rather than march to the loud beat of our fears.
[excerpted from our little Facebook family … come join us each day?]
That’s all for this weekend, friends.
Go slow. Be God-struck. Grant grace. Live Truth.
Give Thanks. Love well. Re – joy, re- joy, ‘re- joys’ again
Share Whatever Is Good.
January 13, 2017
amazing grace
Who could have known that more would make us feel like less? Erin Loechner wrestled with the ideas of more, fast, busy, then started chasing slow, then actually slowed. Erin has a unique voice. Calm. Reassuring. Erin is passionate about slow living, mold breaking and window-down, top-of-the-lung car singing. It’s a grace to welcome Erin to the farm’s front porch today…
I used to confuse the words grace and goodwill.
I would read the front page of CNN.com and wonder how grace abounds for the killers, the gunmen, the liars, the thieves.
These people do not warrant goodwill. Their actions are not justifiable. When judged, their sins far outweigh their good behavior, tip the scale far in the direction of undeserving.
So I’d try to give them a free pass. I’d try to envision their lives as difficult, as broken.
I’d remind myself that hurt people hurt people, that we’re all in this together, doing our best, fighting hard battles, winning some and losing most.
And I’d wish them goodwill. I’d offer them what I thought was grace.
Hurt people do hurt people.
We’re all fighting hard battles.
These are worthy perspectives.
This is not grace.
Grace is not giving someone else a free pass because they’ve had a hard day. Grace is not giving yourself a free pass because you’ve had a hard day. Grace is not explaining away our bad behavior, then shrugging our shoulders and saying, “Hey, what’re you gonna do? It is what it is. Who wants ice cream?”
Sure, I want the free pass. But this is me justifying an action—someone else’s or my own—by offering goodwill. This is me searching for an explanation that I can understand instead of accepting the one I will never be able to understand.
That we have already been forgiven.
That we have already been set free.
Still, I offer my version of grace:
You did this wrong, but look, you did that right. Don’t beat yourself up. Here, have a fig leaf. Would you like some tea? Can I get you anything?
God’s version of grace is this:
You did this wrong, but look, I did this right. You have everything you need now. Follow Me in peace. Go now in freedom.
Walk now in abundance.
Grace is giving yourself a free pass and realizing that it isn’t free at all.
Grace is giving someone else a free pass and realizing God has already passed His along.
To all of us.
***
His name is Cam. He comes into the coffee shop where I write each day, and he is—how shall I put this?—strenuous. Cam is legally blind, and he strides into the coffee shop in his long braids and navy bandana and drops next to me, begins his barrage of questions. Each morning, it is the same.
Cam: “Whatcha your name, lady?”
Erin: . . .
Cam: “Karen?”
Erin: “Cam, you know me! We do this every morning.”
Cam: “Ha, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, we do. Hey. Wouldya look somethin’ up for me?”
Erin: “The Yankees ranking?” [Also insert Amazon’s customer service phone number or anything Hillary Clinton.]
When I’m in the middle of a paragraph and anxious to get home to Bee, Cam’s infinite questions are taxing. He’s charming . . . and annoying. But I am learning to smile when he interrupts my thought to tell me the knock-knock joke about the banana (“Orange you glad?”) for the third time this week.
But a few weeks ago, he told me something else.
“Woman, did ya know I’m schizophrenic?” he said.
I asked him if he was being serious, and I asked him not to call me woman.
“Ah, I’m sorry, Karen,” he said. “But yeah, for real!”
And he told me that’s why he couldn’t get grace. He’d done too many things wrong, that the bad guys in him keep screwing with the good guys in him. “And woman,” he says, “the bad dudes just keep on winnin’.”
I don’t think he’s talking about grace. I think he’s talking about goodwill.
***
I often hear women, in the church aisle or at the coffee shop or in passing at the grocery store, beating themselves up.
We’re good at this.
We’re great at swimming in guilt, gifted at wading the waters of our own regret, mistakes, missteps.
When we’re not covering ourselves with fig leaves to mask our sins, we’re covering ourselves with guilt to bear our punishment.
We’ve been found guilty of spending too much time on our phones, of spending too much money at Target, of spending too little time on meal planning.
We say the wrong things at the right time, or the right things at the wrong time.
We’re too much and we’re too little and we wonder if we’ll ever be enough. If we’ll ever deserve favor.
We’ve been tried, and we are guilty of it all.
Surely we don’t deserve goodwill?
But goodwill is not what we have been promised.
What we have been promised is grace.
Amazing grace! How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me!
I once was lost, but now am found;
Was blind, but now I see.
***
Cam is still blind. He’s still schizophrenic. He’s still beating himself up on some days, still asking about Hillary and the Yankees nearly every morning.
But these are questions I can figure out.
These are questions with answers I can find. And answering them with patience is a small bit of goodwill I can afford.
And so, every morning, I am learning to offer goodwill. (Mostly.)
And every morning, God offers grace.
To both of us.
It’s kind of amazing, really.
Erin Loechner is the author of Chasing Slow and founder of Design for Mankind. Erin has been blogging and speaking for more than a decade. Her heartfelt writing and design work has been showcased in The New York Times, People and the Huffington Post. Erin also had her own HGTV.com web special for two seasons. Now nestled in a Midwestern town, Erin, her husband, and their children strive for less in most areas except three: joy, grace, and goat cheese.
In Chasing Slow, Erin turns away from fast and fame and frenzy. Follow along as she blazes the trail toward a new-fashioned lifestyle—one that will refresh your perspective, renew your priorities, and shift your focus to the journey that matters most. Through a series of steep climbs—her husband’s brain tumor, bankruptcy, family loss, and public criticism—Erin learns just how much strength it takes to surrender it all, and to veer right into grace.
[ Our thanks to Zondervan for their partnership in today’s devotion ]
January 12, 2017
why you need a reading plan & good books for a new year: how you can’t be wrecked by what you’re ready for [#WRT]
T he kid curled up next to me, laid his head down on my shoulder, and he felt not one iota of shame in letting the dam break.
“It’s been a whole year now, Mom,” Kai chokes it out.
“And everybody else can forget and move on. But I’ve got to remember every time I open my mouth to eat — or I’m going to end up dead.”
The kid’s always got a stash of needling insulin in some beat-up bag within arm’s length and a bunch of fingertips sore and numb from pricking himself for a few drops of willing blood to test what’s running begging through his veins.
It was a shatteringly hard year, Kai daily wrestling down a relentlessly hounding diagnosis of Type 1 insulin-needling diabetes, Baby Girl having her rib cage sawed open so surgeons could hold her half-heart in hand and try to patch it into the daily beat of defiant hope, and we had to keep believing, battling ahead, no matter how the heart wearied.
Who knows what the year stretching out before us right now holds?
The Farmer drove both Kai and the Baby Girl into town today, both of them needing their blood drawn, both of them pulling up their sleeves and offering their thin, tired veins.
And I pull our hurting boy in closer. Because it can come as unexpected as an unexpectedJanuary thaw: you may be battered and bruised by your battles, but God sends you brothers.
When your battle is hardest, God always sends you arms — arms to hold you, arms to hold up your hope, to hold up your hurt and let it transform into more heart. To whisper you are Beloved and you are Brave and on the days when you feel unBrave, you are not undone, but undoubtedly are carried forward by the determination of grace.
“With you, Kai — not moving on. Not leaving you in this. With you.” Murmur the words into his hair. He’s taller than his old mama, but he feels small with me, close to me, feels just right with me. With-ness breaks brokenness. Kai keeps holding on to me.
And I am not letting go of him and I am and I’m not and I have to and I never will.
I stroke back his hair, his temple beating gently, like a song of courage.
It’s a bold soundtrack to live your life by:
You aren’t startled by what you’ve started preparing for.
You aren’t taken aback by what you’ve taken time to prepare for.
Let the next 12 months throw diagnosis and disappointment at us, let a new year come at us because nothing will overcome us, let the arrows fly and the battle rage and let anything step out from behind any corner — because it’s as true as one boy holding his old mama close: what you’re prepared for, you can’t be overpowered by.
You can’t be ruined by what you’re ready for.
Pages can be preparation, the smell of old books can be comfort, and a way to prepare for anything is to read the best things, the way to live a good story, is to read the wisest stories, the way to prepare for what’s up ahead, is to read the hearts of those who have gone ahead.
” ‘We read to know we are not alone,'” says C.S. Lewis’ Shadowlands. Every crisis we’ve ever battled through, I can remember exactly what book stayed by my side, the scent of ink on paper like the scent of home, like a welcoming.
I hadn’t known: When we abandon ourselves to stories — we know we aren’t abandoned in our own stories.
I have long felt that tall stacks of books on end tables are ebenezers, guideposts, trail markers to reach for, a kind of hands to hold on to, and gird us with a brave strength for the hard roads, the steep inclines, the days when we feel forgotten and left behind.
I have held pages and felt held. “Literary experience heals the wound….” C.S. Lewis reaches out with steadying words.
A book can be your feelings pulsing through the veins of another.
A book can be courage for the obstacle course that is your life.
A book can be a saw that breaks you out of the box — that breaks you free.
Reading words can rewrite your life. Hope can come as gentle as turning pages.
We could read toge(s)ther. One year. 12 Books. For such a time as now.
Kai’s hair feels like willingness through my fingers…
“Not alone, Kai.”
Prepare for whatever’s coming and grab hope off the end table, off the shelf, off the nightstand, and do more than wield good books like a sword.
Eat good books and The Best Book.
Hunger every day for strengthening words, have a voracious appetite for them, digest them, swallow them, get them in your veins and let them become you and you become them, let them become your spine, your beating heart, your mind, let them become what you breathe and speak and think and the air you move in, because you aren’t taken aback by what you’ve taken time to prepare for, and books can prepare you for the test that is your every day, your new year.
Kai looks me in the eye.
“Yeah, Mom — we’ll get through another year —together,” he nods.
Yeah — yeah, we will.
Never alone.
The wind moves through the last leaves in the orchard like pages turning and things can turn around when the wind picks up.
When books are picked up.
So we dreamed up — a BOOK CLUB! Join us this year for #WRT: We Read Toge(s)ther: 1 year. 12 books. For such a time as now.
One book a month? Community around life-giving, life-transforming books? First book up?
This is our year to BREAK FREE — and no matter what is coming at us this year? You aren’t taken aback by what you’ve taken time to prepare for.
We can do this toge(s)ther — 1 year — 12 books. We are where we are for a reason and a purpose and now, now, is our time to make a difference, change our world, and join Him in changing the world.
Our year to BREAK FREE. Let’s do this…. want to do this with you:
The Broken Way Online Bible Study!
Get access to all 6 FREE study videos + FREE downloads to get started
The Broken Way is a new FREE six-week online Bible study, where you will discover that…
wholeness and brokenness are not opposites
the abundant life you crave is found in the broken pieces of your life, and
you don’t have to be afraid of broken things, because Christ is redeeming everything.
Sign up for the study now and we’ll get started the week of January 22! I’ll kick things off with a FREE online event on the 23rd with all of our online Bible study participants. And we’re making the companion study videos available to you for FREE. All 6 beautiful, raw, vulnerable sessions!
Register now and get the schedule, free downloads, and all the great bonuses you need to get started right away — Please be in with us? You’re needed and wanted and belong.
(And if you need a copy of The Broken Way — just for you: 50% off right now at B&N)
Please click right here for all of the information you’ll need to sign up.
This is our year — our year — to BREAK FREE!
January 9, 2017
A New Way to Pray: How To Talk to God When You’re Broken
You hear me talk about the Esther generation… a generation that risks for those outside the gate. Today I want to introduce you to a modern day Esther. She shares a lot in common with the Esther of old. Like the Biblical Esther, this modern-day Esther was orphaned. Like the Biblical Esther, this Esther shares a courage and deep love for her people. By the grace of God, and continuing in her namesake, Esther Fleece courageously lets us into her story—not for her sake but for the sake of her people. Lament is a language we see in scripture. We as believers must re-discover this lost language and introduce people to a God who hears their cries. It’s a grace to welcome Esther Fleece to the farm’s front porch today…
We sat on the beach side by side; his hand in mine; and all I could do was give thanks.
I never envisioned myself married, let alone sharing a honeymoon with a man.
I was thankful to God that all hard seasons finally come to an end. It was the first time in years I felt alive again.
While most girls dream of their wedding day, the only aisles I was accustomed to, were the aisles of the courtroom.
And when I walked those aisles, during messy family court cases that unfolded for years of my childhood, I always walked alone. It wasn’t long before doing life alone was my new normal.
I valued independence for many years– I was responsible for my finances, my home, my career. And as I felt called into this next season of sharing – marriage – I knew I was going to have to unlearn some of my old coping mechanisms in order to embrace the new.
I could hardly believe someone was choosing me – I could hardly believe somebody was committing their life to me, and I was surprised when the very thing I was avoiding – deep intimacy with another human being – was the very thing God would use to heal my orphan heart.
“The broken way begins with this lost art of lament and until we authentically lament to God, we’ll never feel authentically loved by God.” Ann Voskamp, The Broken Way
As my husband and I went up to our hotel room to get ready for dinner, I glanced at my phone to find a voicemail from a biological family member. It had been years since I had heard from or seen this person. The memories came flooding back, and pain came with them.
My mind raced wondering what I should do.
Should I call them back? Maybe I should just ignore the call? Do I let my husband know I received this message or perhaps I could just pray it away?
But this new season included openness, not isolation, and so I let my husband into the pain…
+++
My biological parents divorced when I was young, and my elementary school and middle school years were filled with courtroom hearings where I served as a witness for custody hearings to felony cases.
I learned to fake fine by the age of ten.
As I sat up on a witness stand, my father’s lawyer read my diary in front of a courtroom. Overwhelmed and confused, I started to cry. In a moment where I needed comfort, in a situation where I felt publicly shamed and embarrassed, this courtroom judge looked over to me and told me to suck it up.
Within seconds I shut down my emotions and did my best to hide my pain.
I vowed to never write again, as my words, even as a child, were being used against me.
My father never came home after this hearing. I learned to grow up without him. And I told myself that I would do anything it took to be strong, so I shut down my pain and “sucked it up” for years.
Faking fine is a much easier way to live. Answering that everything is fine is much more comfortable than having to be vulnerable.
Even getting lost in the act of service to others is easier than letting others into our pain. But with my husband next to me, I had to redefine this pain. I could no longer hide in my lament.
I had to make the choice not to lament alone.
“The wounds that never heal are always the ones mourned alone.” Ann Voskamp, The Broken Way
I returned the phone call, and as I received the news, I felt stiff pain in a chamber of my heart that had been closed off for decades.
My biological dad passed away on our honeymoon.
When I was on the highest of highs – as I was experiencing a beautiful love, my heart was quickly reminded of pain.
Decades after leaving our family, years after hearing his voice, his departure caused me deep pain, again.
And my heart felt a stabbing similar to the first time he walked out on our family. I had forgotten what it was like to miss him, yet in one phone call I was reminded again.
Even though I couldn’t remember what my father’s voice sounded like, I lamented his death.
Even though my father had never known my heart, my heart would feel deep pain for him.
And in the moment I wanted to just suck it up – to be “stronger” – I was unable to silence my cry.
“Lament’s not a meaningless rage, but a rage that finds meaning in His outrageous love.” Ann Voskamp, The Broken Way
What kind of Christian silences heartache? What kind of Christian is unmoved by death? Christians ought to be the first ones crying out that this world is not as it should be.
When we fake fine, we fake our way out of authentic relationship with God, others, and ourselves.
But lament, an honest expression of grief, is a prayer that God never silences nor wastes.
It is an authentic prayer that invites God to meet us right where we are, not where we pretend to be.
It is the language for the faithful, for we know the One who holds our pain.
And He never silences our cries. Even more than that, He cries with us.
There will be seasons for each of us when we lament alone.
But isolation – for all of us, is never our destination.
Real strength is not pretending we are fine and keeping God and others at a safe distance.
Real strength is letting others into our brokenness.
Real strength is confessing we need God’s rescue over and over and over again.
For God loves us all too much to lament without rescue.
While lamenting my earthly father’s death, I experienced emotional intimacy with my husband.
When we returned, I told my Pastor that I missed out on not having a dad. I told my small group that for a moment I even remembered my love for him.
But as I lamented, God showed me that I was not alone in my “unspoken broken” —
and I don’t think I can ever go back.
Esther Fleece is an international speaker and writer on Millennials and faith, leadership, and family, recognized among Christianity Today’s “Top 50 Women Shaping the Church and Culture” and CNN’s “Five Women in Religion to Watch.” As founder and CEO of L&L Consulting, she works to connect influential individuals and organizations to their mutual benefit.
Esther is a former orphan and author of No More Faking Fine. Esther’s story is an invitation to get gut-level honest with God through the language of lament. No More Faking Fine is your permission to lament—to give voice to the hurt, frustration, and disappointment you’ve kept inside and silenced for too long. Drawing from careful biblical study and hard-won insight, Esther reveals how to use God’s own language to draw closer to Him as He leads us through any darkness into His marvelous light. Share your No More Faking Fine story and join a generation who ends the pretend.
[ Our thanks to Zondervan for their partnership in today’s devotion ]
January 7, 2017
Only the Good Stuff: Multivitamins for Your Weekend [01.07.17]
Happy, happy, happy weekend!
Some real, down in the bones JOY to celebrate today! Links & stories this week 100% guaranteed to make you smile a mile wide & believe like crazy in a Good God redeeming everything — and that there’s love everywhere & for ((you))!
Serving up only the Good Stuff for you right here:
Guido Diana
Guido Diana
Guido Diana
who doesn’t need a 5 minute exhale right off the top?
who knew? 21 informative maps that could change your worldview
ummm…wow! they’re celebrating his 146th birthday?!
we had to watch this one twice: sorta amazing
This week’s Sticky Note for Your Soul:
Simply click here for free daily printables to encourage you…plus a whole library of free framables and tools:
she gave up perfection: and realized daily life can be extraordinary
pamthevan91
she restored her van so she could travel the world — with her dog
come away for a bit? for a virtual tour showing the splendor of Iceland…
(you literally have no idea how badly I want to go)
How to Give Your Home a Fresh Start Without Joy-Spark Testing Everything You Own (this was the catalyst of a complete day of deep cleaning, organizing and “hushing” the farmhouse here)
an honest discussion on how we eliminate prejudice
Okay, wow: she sets up a bird feeder photo booth to capture close-ups of these amazing feathered friends
I. Love. These. Two. : sharing some wise thoughts right here
a most beautiful love story – right up to the end
because sometimes we need to take the time to explore our world: love this one
Cathy Warden
selfless teens serving for Vet who died alone #BeTheGIFT
her son’s heart lives on
Stack of books on the Farm
“No matter your past or your future, the depth of your sin or the mistakes that you’ve made, the weariness of your soul or the obstacles in your path, you can experience God’s love right here, right now, right where you are. And that’s the beauty of grace.”
“Nathan was different. From his early childhood, Nathan was bursting with creativity and uncontainable energy, struggling not only with learning issues but also with anxiety and OCD. He saw the world through his own unique lens—one that often caused him to be labeled as “bad,” “troubled,” or someone in need of “fixing.””
Ann of Green Gables, My Daughter and Me:
… A charming and heartwarming true story for anyone who has ever longed for a place to belong.
Prayer: … returning to this one.
“Prayer is awe, intimacy, struggle—yet the way to reality. There is nothing more important, or harder, or richer, or more life-altering. There is absolutely nothing so great as prayer.”
“God can take your own weaknesses and turn them into strengths as He draws you outside the safety of yourself and into the glorious whirlwind of His plan for your life.”
Happiness: … and revisiting this one:
“Our degree of happiness in life largely depends on: the amount of happiness we believe should be rightfully ours our ability to find delight in a fallen world God will redeem our ability to see the little things—the ten thousand reasons for happiness that surround us that we easily ignore.”
a special float at the Rose Parade: there’s always hope
Maybe no question is more pressing these days than: how do you live brave and unafraid? It can be unexpectedly simple:
Post of the week, right here:
the 1 secret to destroying anxiety and fears this year
“No matter what he does, he will give back.” #BetheGIFT
it bears repeating: anything is possible
Carrie Underwood sang at Passion Conference 2017: Something in the Water #Passion2017
BREAK FREE this year! It would be a joy to have you join us for The Broken Way Online Bible Study!
Get access to all 6 FREE study videos + FREE downloads to get startedThe Broken Way is a new FREE six-week online Bible study, where you will discover that…
wholeness and brokenness are not opposites
the abundant life you crave is found in the broken pieces of your life, and
you don’t have to be afraid of broken things, because Christ is redeeming everything.Sign up for the study now and we’ll get started the week of January 22! I’ll kick things off with a FREE online event with all of our online Bible study participants. And we’re making the companion study videos available to you for FREE. That’s right, all 6 sessions! Register now and get the schedule, free downloads, and all the great bonuses you need to get started right away!
Please click right here for all of the information you’ll need to sign up.
This is your year to BREAK FREE!
Powerfully, prophetically, prayerfully what @BethMooreLPM said to this generation: #Passion2017. Carve this like an anthem into our hearts
one on repeat this week: Our God
How can it be? When we feel abandoned, alone, and ashamed, Christ envelops us with His intimate grace, always. So here’s the thing to remember today — the light never stops coming for us, beckoning us.
That place where you feel abandoned by everyone — is really where God has placed You to be met by Someone — Him.
That place that feels like abandonment — is placement.
That place where you feel thrown away — is about being placed because His way of healing wholeness is coming for you always.
You are never abandoned in a place to be forgotten — you were placed in this place to be found.
Believe it: His love’s around us everywhere.
If only we could all wear a heart right across the center of us so there was always this knowing: God has not forgotten you. God has not abandoned you. God’s love is around you everywhere.
He comes again, always again, Jesus whispering over everything else, “Do not be afraid—I am with you.”
[excerpted from our little Facebook family … come join us each day?]
That’s all for this weekend, friends.
Go slow. Be God-struck. Grant grace. Live Truth.
Give Thanks. Love well. Re – joy, re- joy, ‘re- joys’ again
Share Whatever Is Good.
January 6, 2017
Links for 2017-01-05 [del.icio.us]
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